


It's Better If We Just Pretend

by Ellensama



Series: Balancing the Scales [1]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Consensual Sex, F/M, Falling In Love, Fighting Like An Old Married Couple, Fluff and Crack, Force Bond (Star Wars), Inappropriate Use of the Force, Kylo Ren Being a Little Shit, Secret Identity, Secret Relationship, Slow Burn, Technobabble, Undercover, surprise its me Rey!, talking things out
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-06
Updated: 2017-12-21
Packaged: 2018-05-25 01:41:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 31
Words: 185,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6175243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ellensama/pseuds/Ellensama
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rey has gone undercover on the new Star Killer base, Kylo Ren is pretending to be a man named Matt who has been assigned to be her new work partner. She knew this mission would be hard but dealing with Kylo, who seems set on just being angry and completely uneducated in how to fix anything, might be just too extreme to pull off. Keeping him from finding out who she really is just add's to the pile of trouble fate seems set on dealing. If Rey could maybe figure out why he's there, and why he's pretending as well to be someone else, maybe she could figure a way out of this mess. Alive.</p><p>(loosely based on the Star Wars undercover boss SNL skit, the plot is actually serious and a long slow burn.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I'll Just Go Hide In The Bathroom

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first go at a Star Wars story. I'm very new to the fandom so I apologize if I don't use the correct terms for with in the universe. This fic is my go at a crack fic but will turn into a serious plot later. A lot of things for repair work I'll just be making up based on my own personal knowledge. I hope you enjoy and thanks for reading!

Alone in a long hallway, Rey stood before Kylo Ren. This wasn’t how she envisioned her morning starting, but fate appeared to be set on dealing her a blow. Silently she prayed, if she were to shut her eyes tightly enough maybe it would be possible to wake from this strange dream. Seeing how it couldn’t hurt to try, Rey did exactly that.

“Are you, alright?” asked a low voice, one that haunted her dreams almost nightly.

Trying her hardest to will him away, he would not seem to go. Rey could feel him still there, the force curling and wrapping around him, much like it did with herself. Where as the light clung to Rey, darkness was his cloak of power. Much to her own grief, she opened her eyes and Kylo Ren was still standing there, glaring. This was not a dream but a nightmare.

Wearing an awkward fitting blond wig, glasses, a workers uniform, and the awful orange safety vest all workers had to wear, Kylo Ren was by far the strangest thing she’d ever seen. To miss the black robes he had been clad in before was disturbing, they had felt to her better suited than this current wardrobe change. It was better he looked the part of a villain than this picture of normalcy before her.

Waves of power gather and moved, Kylo calling the Force to him in increasing amounts. One tendril Rey could clearly sense, as if a light had been turned upon it. It was different than the rest, it stretched out from her to him. Across it, strong emotions began to the flow and if not for the strangeness of it, Rey would have been completely gripped by fear. Touching her wrist, Rey’s fingers traced over a white bracelet. The feeling of it reminding her that she was safe, so long as it remained upon her. Kylo wouldn’t be able to sense her.

“I said, are you alright?”

His words were all that it took to snap Rey into action. With a smile forced upon her face, she stood tall and lifted her chin. “I’m fine! Sorry, I don’t think breakfast is agreeing with me.” 

The waves stopped then dissipated. It made her head spin at how quickly he was able to gather so much power, then let it just fall away. “Oh,” huffed Kylo. His head turned then he looked down each hallway before coming back to stare at her.

Rey did the same, worried by the lack of foot traffic. He took a step towards her, hand held out in front of his body, open and waiting. “I’m Matt, a radar technician.”

‘Like hell you are,” she thought, a cold shiver ran down her spine. Cautiously Rey started to put her hand out but refused to be the one to take his. “Hi Matt, I’m Osira! Osira Stoma. N-Nice to meet you.”

He looked at her hand then took it, shaking it once before pulling away quickly. It was hard to tell if he’d ever done such a thing before or simply disliked being touched. Even after watching Kylo rub his own hand where they had touch, Rey still couldn’t be sure.

An uneasy silence hung in the air, Rey’s heart began to beat faster. A hot flush took over her cheeks as knots tied themselves around one another with in her stomach. It was too much for her to bare.

“I have to go!” Rey shouted. “To, you know.”

Kylo looked off put by her volume, face wincing as his eyes narrowed thinly at her. His glasses did nothing to diminish the strength of his glare. “I know what?”

“That I have to go.”

He looked confused, “Go, where?”

“To the bathroom!” she snapped, clenching her hands into tight fists.

Shock ran through Kylo visibly, he lost all his dark grimacing and looked suddenly out of his depth. “Oh, right! Yeah. You should, uh, go do that. 

“I will.”

“Ok.”

“I’m going now.”

“I’ll just, wait here then. Until you get back.”

Turning on a heel, Rey was all speed. Walking to and into the nearest bathroom, she entered and found a stall to lock herself in. Sitting down on the cold seat, Rey began to rock back and forth, holding her own head and fighting to breathe.

“This isn’t happening, this isn’t happening.”

The feeling of Kylo Ren was still there, his emotions faint, but with in her ability to sense. There was fear, worry, and a twisting sense of being nervous that mirrored her own a little too closely. A laugh arose in her throat but it tasted more like bile. Shutting her eyes, Rey focused as hard as she could on closing what ever led to him, but the force wouldn’t respond to her.

Fingers touched the bracelet one more, a thought passed through her mind about just taking it off. “I can’t, he’ll know for sure then. I think he doesn’t know its me, I hope he doesn’t know.”

The tendril hung heavy in her mind, familiar but too complex of an idea for her to process at the moment. Time was running out. Leaving the stall Rey moved to a nearby sink. Water for her hot face would be good but the woman in the mirror looking back at her could only reminder Rey of her mission. There was an image looking back whom she barely recognized, not that she knew her own face overly well. Mirrors had not been something common on Jakku. Even the time Rey had spent on rebel bases, it hadn’t been long enough to deeply memorize it. Her faith had been put into the team that worked on her looks, that their reassurance was all she needed to know she was beyond recognition. The looks Finn and Poe had given her had been a huge bonus, their double takes still comical in her mind.

Gone was Rey’s brown hair, replaced with a darker color and a much shorter length that hung about her shoulders. The bangs they had insisted on took some time to get use to, from time to time it would still itch at her brow. Colored contacts had been given to wear despite the glasses already chosen for her. Rey’s brown eyes had been turned blue by them but looked grey actually from behind the thick frames. At night Rey would take them off and just rub the bridge of her nose from the pressure of wearing them all day. The worst change was temporary but had been uncomfortable. Facial injections had rounded out her face, in some angles Rey even thought she looked a touch fat. That was an image she never thought she would ever get to see.

Turning on the water she wetted a towel and stared at it as it became damp. Her hands were quick to shut off the tap, unable to waste water even now, old habits still clinging on strong. The towel cooled her face as her hands pressed it to her skin, a touch of hope was felt that she might be able to handle this drastic turn of events. That it might be ok.

“Osira?” called a voice she knew, an older woman came into the bathroom. “Are you in here?”

“I’m at the sink Del-Mara,” Rey called out.

Del-Mara was Rey’s, or rather Osira’s supervisor. She approached with a smile on her face but Rey wasn’t fooled. Her grey hair was up in a tight bun and only few wrinkles gave away Del-Mara was much older than she acted. In only the week Rey had come to know her, she was sure they could have been good friends had she not been apart of the First Order.

“I heard someone got a tummy ache.”

Shaking her head, Rey chuckled. “Its that new protein, it went right through me.”

“Sorry to hear that but I need you,” said Del-Mara, looking Rey over once.

Reaching for another towel, she began to dry her face. “Del-Mara, I’m really not…”

“I need you,” pressed the older woman. “So get over this quickly and get back to work. You know you’re quickly becoming one of the few people around here I can count on. Its why I’m giving you the new guy.”

Groaning, Rey turned around and crossed her arms. “Why?”

“You want to ask _me_ why?”

“Yes and I would like an answer.”

Del-Mara opened her mouth then shut it, looking put off. “Normally I punish back talk but you, I’ll let this pass, just this time. The why will come but first you need to come out and be introduced. I see you two exchanged names but I need to make things clear how this is going to be, between the two of you.”

“What does that suppose to mean?” asked Rey, feeling a whole new wave of fresh fear.

With a wave of her hand, Del-Mara turned and left her alone. Fighting to breathe again, Rey fought to calm herself before she could walk back out the door.

Out in the hall stood the two, Del-Mara looking like she had much better things to do and Kylo Ren who seemed like he rather go sit on something sharp. “So, you two have met, what you don’t know here Osria is that Matt is a big fat liar,” started Del-Mara.

Rey’s head snapped up, looking to her supervisor then to Kylo who wasted no time in looking like he was seeing red. The force suddenly came to life, building and falling towards the Knight of Ren while sheer horror filled Rey. The tendril glowed white hot and she could feel wave after wave of rage.

“I’m what?” he snapped, his mouth practically snarling.

Above the lights flickered and Del-Mara glanced up at them then sighed. “If those boys are messing around again, heads will roll,” she muttered then turned her attention to the fuming Kylo.

His anger didn’t seem to affect her, “You lied on your transfer form, or who ever approved it did. It was practically glowing and no one gets one of those, so I looked into it, but honestly, I don’t care. What I do care about is the basic test given to all new transfers, the one that you failed. I doubt you have ever touched a radar or have the first idea of how to fix one.”

Placing a hand on her hip, Del-Mara met his glare with one of her own, almost equal in force. “Lucky for you Matt, I need workers, badly. Osira is the best one I have,” she said pointing at Rey. “Even if she is new as well, you’ll learn from her and become useful or so help me, I will kick you off this base so fast your head will spin. Have I made myself clear?”

The room felt like it might catch on fire at any moment. Rey looked between the two and took a slow step back. Kylo’s eyes were quick to catch her movement and she froze under the pressure of his stare. Somewhere down the hall, something explodes.

“Crystal,” Kylo snarls.

A bone tired groan comes from Del-Mara who then looks to Rey. “You can handle him, right? Right. Send me a report later, you know what I want to hear on it. I left you a light work day to break him in. I have to go knock some head’s around. I swear, this place is going to cave into its self before its done.”

Before she can utter a word, Del-Mara stormed away, muttering about what she’s going to do to someone. Who ever that is, Rey does feel bad for them because that explosion had been clearly Kylo’s handy work. Idly she wondered if this was common on First Order bases. Remembering Kylo was like ice water hitting her veins, the feeling only becoming worse when Rey recalled he was her responsibility now too. Carefully she looked, hoping his saber was nowhere near and not the least bit surprised to find him still fuming.

“You’re a new transfer too?” she asked softly.

His head snapped back in her direction, the force is still with him and as dark as the nights can be on Jakku. He felt very much like a black hole of anger but not even he could keep it up with her waiting for an answer. The heavy waves go still and he takes a slow calculated breathe before speaking. The force once more just falls away. 

“I am. From Starkiller, the previous one. Before it blew up, obviously.”

“Obviously,” Rey repeats but is quick to think of a new question. One she knows the answer to but still wants to hear his answer. “Is that how,” Rey begins, her hand motioning to his face.

The scar runs from one end to the other of Kylo’s face, Rey’s handy work stares back at her. His glare forms quickly and is dark, she see’s now it just like how he gathers the force around him. It cuts through her to the core, from Kylo she can feel a strange mix of emotions trickle outward. They vibrate fiercely, anger, pride, and the strange bit of longing.

“Yes, I was injured on the job,” Kylo grinds out as if it pains him to speak. “What about you? How long have you been here?”

“A week, before that, just working from ship to ship.”

He looks to be listening but the more Rey stares back at him, the less he seems to want to blink. In the end, it only makes Rey grow angry. The whole idea of her makes the sharp feeling of rage bloom and grow. She didn’t want to be around him, she didn’t want to be in charge of him, and she most certainly didn’t want to make small talk. The mission was all that mattered to her and not even Kylo Ren, what ever he was doing, didn’t matter.

Looking at the scar on Kylo’s face, still red and sore, was sickly satisfying to Rey. She had beaten him, had done that to him, pride swelled in her chest. “So you failed the basic test? What _do you know_ Matt? That test was pretty simple.”

Something starts to rattle, maybe a loose screw or wire, but Kylo’s rage is back. “I didn’t fail anything! I know plenty of things!”

“If you say so,” Rey said rolling her eyes. “Let’s go get our work orders and get started. Then you can show me just how much you know.”

“Fine,” he growled, his knuckles bone white. “You’ll see.”

Quickly he moved, Kylo storming off down the hall as Rey just watched. He made it only a few meters away before coming to a quick halt. There were two other halls leading off in oppsite directions and he stared down one than the other. She watched him look back and forth a few times then turn to face her. With deep pleasure she was careful not to show on her face, Rey slowly lifted her hand and pointed with her thumb to over her own shoulder. “Its this way to the dispatch desk if that is where you were heading.”

“I knew that!” echoed off the walls far too loudly. Kylo purposefully started to walk in the right direction and Rey could only watch with a mix of horror and some sick amusement as the deepest pout she’d ever seen on a face, stormed back past her.

“Its alright to be lost, it is your first day after all,” she called out.

The force twisted around him again but Rey could feel it wasn’t ready to strike out. “I’m not lost, just turned around!”

If Rey had to agree on just one thing, today would be either the longest or strangest day she’d ever get to experience. A little voice in her mind said it might just be both.


	2. Mr. Fix-It You Are Not

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm keeping the first few chapters short so I can get the story moving but I actually have a lot of stuff written already for this fic. Enjoy!

“Do you need me to show you _again_?” Rey asked.

“No,” Kylo grumbled.

Pushing himself out from underneath the console, he stood to his full height, looming with out even trying. The tool Kylo had in is hand was flung at the open panel, it clanged against the metal and a growl of frustration rumbled from him.

“It’s broken! It doesn’t want to be crinking fixed! Fark! Piece of durk!”

Rey sighed, shaking her head slowly, “Getting angry isn’t going to fix it.”

“Yeah but it feels good,” he snapped back.

Over the past hour Rey had learned Kylo’s habit of cursing, especially when things didn’t work out his way. It shouldn’t have surprised her, the words hardly alien to her, but she had never heard so many used in a short amount of time before, or maybe so colorfully put together. A few phrases Rey thought about actually remembering.

Reached up to run a hand through his hair, her eyes didn’t miss Kylo stopping suddenly before he could do so. His fingers froze, then twitch, his irritation showing. Grumbling under his breath, Kylo instead shoved them deeply into his own pockets. A deep frown was on his face but Rey felt no sympathy for his pain or frustration.

“Stop,” she said with a now raised hand. “I’m going to show you once more. Just watch.”

“That thing should just go right into the farking,” Kylo began to protest but Rey just held her hand up even higher, right into his scowling face.

“I said _stop_ Matt! **Enough**! It’s broken but doesn’t need to be trashed. It’s perfectly well with in the limits of being repaired. Calm down and watch, _again_.”

A storm of emotions crossed Kylo’s face, most some expression of offended. Rey knew this was a big risk, but her instincts told her to stand firm against him. It was clear Kylo was a wild animal and despite any change in appearance, the real danger of him was always there, waiting to come out. Rey would not freely turn her back to him.

Slowly he settled down and wordlessly Rey pulled her hand away. Shooting him a stare that said she didn’t want to hear him complain any more, his rage wilted even further until it was gone completely.

Kylo’s anger was becoming an issue, but it also posed a whole other problem Rey didn’t understand yet how to handle. The tendril she didn’t want to think about, reaching out between them, always lit up in the face of his anger. It was then Rey often would touch her bracelet, using it to center and dispel her fears of detection. It had only been an hour but she had touched it several times already. Master Luke had told it worked, that he no longer could feel her connection to the Force. It also blocked her from using it but from the way Kylo had reacted before, also lead Rey to believe she could not be read. Maybe not even controlled.

A strange thrill ran through her, shocking her briefly. Just thinking about what it would be like to control him instead made a dark pleasure creep down Rey’s spine. She had felt this before with him, when she had circled around his fallen figure in the snow. Rey had all the power then, the control, moments remaining before she would strike out and end him.

When Kylo adjusted his slipping glasses, her mind snapped back to the work at hand. Bending down on to her knee’s, Rey moved under the console and shook the storm of thoughts from her mind. Motioning for him to follow, she heard him shuffle about then let out a heavy sigh. His movements seemed unsure as he pushed his large body into the remaining space. It all too quickly began to look like a very bad idea. It left them shoulder to shoulder, making it easy to look at each another with just a glance. There wasn’t much room for much movement either. Rey noticed he was broader than he appeared now stuffed closely together.

Kylo stared at her and the fear of him recognize who she was, became palpable. Rey looked back, his eyes were unreadable, but the wig and glasses kept her from feeling nothing but pure dread. With sheer will power alone, Rey held her fear in check.

Reaching down she grabbed the thrown tool resting near her hip. Pulling it up, she pointed it at a clutter of parts Kylo had been doing everything with but fixing it. “You made a mess of this,” she muttered.

“I told you, it’s broken,” Kylo grumbled, his voice vibrating through his shoulder into her.

Tight knots formed in her stomach, leaving Rey for a moment to only focus on breathing normally. “You need a teacher,” echoed, the memory of him pushing into her mind replaying. He had use the force like a knife, slipping in so smoothly that she barely felt it at first. Then there was nothing but pain. Cutting and slicing his way to the memories he had wanted from her. Rey wanted to scream. 

“Osira, what’s wrong?” he asked, concern in his voice that had no right to be there.

Failure was not possible. There was everyone counting on her, her new friends, people she had started to think of as family. Being caught was something Rey would do anything to keep from happening. It was her strength now, her power to handle this trying situation she was in.

“I’m fine, sorry. Breakfast again,” Rey lied “Here, you see the power conduit leading to this box?”

Kylo moved in closer, to get a better look at where she was pointing. Rey’s stomach kept twisting into tighter and tighter knots but her false face of calm remained intact.

“Yes,” he said firmly, paying closer attention this time.

“That is the splitter, the fluxuations reported I’m sure are coming from here. Do you know how I know this?”

With a shake of his head, she glanced at him and saw just a hint of his black hair poking out at the edges of his wig. “No,” Kylo said, sounding finally in the range of being calm.

Reaching up she tugged on the small box, it shook in her hand, clearly loose. “Because its not seated properly. Everything else you did here just made a mess but this, this was the problem all along, I’m sure of it. So, if you take the wrench here, and just screw it in tighter,” Rey instructed. “That should do it, but, while you’re here, let me show you how to put this all back properly.”

“Why?”

Setting the tool down on her chest, Rey looked his way, “Because I’m not going to drag your weight along by fixing everything myself. You need to learn this. Matt, a radar technician is _supposed_ to know this.”

A frustrated groan rumbled from Kylo as he lifted his hands to his face, shoving his glasses up as he slipped the long digits underneath. His fingers dragged down over his long features, his voice coming out muffled, “I knew this was a stupid idea.”

If Rey hadn’t been so close to him, she wouldn’t have heard him speak. Curiosity gripped her tightly and Rey knew until she had asked, she wouldn’t been able to let the question go.

“What’s a stupid idea?”

Removing his hands, surprise flicker across his face. With a shake of his head, Kylo spoke up a little louder, “Nothing, just show me.”

Worrying her bottom lip between her teeth, Rey weighed her options then shook her head no. “Do you think the work we have to do is stupid?”

“No I don’t. Just, forget I said anything.”

Turning her body towards him, Rey set her mouth into a thin straight line of determination. “Matt, we’re going to be working together for hours on end, if something is on your mind, say it. I can’t have to you day dreaming and miss something that could end up with me hurt or killed.”

“Why do you care what I’m thinking about?”

Letting out a frustrated sigh, she grabbed the wrench and poked him in the shoulder. Kylo glared at her but the fear Rey had felt so intensely was starting to shrink.

“I just met you so I don’t, I care about me and your job is to have my back. I’m supposed to have yours. If you are doing _anything_ that could get in the way of that, it needs to be handled.”

“As if you could handle me,” Kylo whispered.

Rey hit him again, harder this time and enough to sting. Kylo shouted in surprise then shot her a murderous glare that Rey took and gave equally back. “Spit it out or I’m going to make you polish parts until your fingers bleed.”

His emotions started to trickle out again, bleeding into her, but Rey ignored them. She didn’t want to know. Kylo looked uttered appalled and she could feel it too, the sharpness of his surprise. The Force fell towards Ren and Rey knew what was coming, she could feel it start as his gaze narrowed. His look alone could have told her what he was doing but Rey felt his ghostly fingers try and reach her mind. When nothing came, his brow pinched, frustrated. She felt him pour more effort in but still nothing, he could not reach her. Kylo quickly turned away from her with a growl.

“You’re strange.”

“Don’t call me strange,” she chided, then smacked him again with the metal tool. “And I am not, you Matt, are clearly the weirdo. You should be happy Del-Mara trusts me and needs the extra help. Its obvious you’ve never fixed or worked on anything mechanical in your life.”

With a scowl Kylo replied, “That’s not true, and you couldn’t know that.”

A sharp laugh came from her, “Its clear enough by the clueless look on your face. This is basic work you should know. A radar technician, what were you thinking? You would be better off as janitor.”

Above them something began to rattle, a reminder to Rey that she was playing with fire. The force gathered around him again and she didn’t need to look to tell how angry he was.

“I do _not_ clean floors,” Kylo snarled.

“Not yet, if you want to keep it that way, pay attention and learn.”

The Force halted then slowly withdrew, evaporating once again. After a few minutes of heavy silence, Kylo let out a slow steady breathe. “Fine, show me.”

“Please,” Rey pushed.

His eyes snapped to her, “What?” he hissed through clenched teeth.

“Say please and I will.”

The lights in the room flickered and the rattling was back but in the end he grinded out, “Please Osira, show me.”

Taking her own slow breath to control her fear, Rey moved to point above them again. “I’ll go through each part, if there’s anything you don’t understand, tell me. Agreed?”

Kylo’s body posture seemed to wilt, visibly giving in that she was going to have to teach him and he would have to listen. “Agreed,” he said flatly.

Rey had never actually taught anyone anything before. She had learned her fair share of skills and bits about ships but actually telling another about it shouldn’t be difficult, just different. Her grumpy student had remained quiet and Rey thought it was out of spite as she did her best to explain. Section by section Rey went, Kylo didn’t utter a word for a long time until he suddenly stopped her, then pointed to a juncture of wires.

“Wait, explain that again. Why would the power need to run through that juncture?” he asked, his face pinching into a frown.

Her eyes lit up and Rey took a glance to make sure Kylo was listening, he was. “It runs through there because to be compatible with this section, the power needs to be stepped down. If you run it right in, it’ll over load this whole area.”

“Oh. Why doesn’t that section work then on the same amount of power?”

“The parts are too delicate, you maybe could but then you would have to build all the other parts with in it to be much large to handle the larger load. A new cooling system would also have to be put into place.”

Looking over to Kylo again, Rey watched him rub his brow then caught her stare. They looked at one another, both clearly trying to figure out each other’s puzzle. “Do you understand?” she asked, her voice softer than she had hoped.

Nodding, Kylo looked back up above them much to Rey’s relief. “I do, go on.”

She did.


	3. How Is This Going To Work

“Ow,” hissed Kylo, his back popping audibly as he stood up.

They had both remained crammed under the console a good while but Rey stood up unaffected. Her life on Jakku had hardened her body, use to being in tight places for long lengths of time. Watching Kylo rub his back much like an old man would, she fought back a laugh. The humor didn’t last long, dying as he stood fully up right to his complete height. The long line of his back was unmistakable in its silhouette. Silently Rey scolded herself for forgetting this was Kylo Ren before her, not a man named Matt. As if sensing her change in mood, Kylo turned his head back to look, a question hanging on his lips. Rey touched her wrist.

“How are you not sore?” he asked.

Putting on her best fake smile, Rey waved casually at him. “I’ve done this long enough not to be.”

Looking her over as if she held a secret he wanted to possess, he asked, “How long has that been?”

Rey’s smile dwindled, “Feels like my whole life.”

He didn’t make a remark, and for it she was thankful. Tightening a few belts on his vest Kylo said, “What’s next?”

“Maintenance on station thirty five,” Rey replied. “Normally the station isn’t assigned to people in our section but Del-Mara has taken it upon herself to give me a few special jobs.”

“Why is that?”

“It’s because I have worked hard in the short time I’ve been here, I’ve proven myself that I can handle it.”

“Why does this job matter to you so much?”

Puffing up her chest and chin, Rey spoke with confidence. “A good job _should_ always matter. Things would go more smoothly if you could at least act like it was true, instead of this _attitude_ you seem fit to keep serving out.”

A quick glare came to Kylo’s face, making it known he didn’t like her tone. “You’re awfully bossy for someone so, short.”

“Short?!” squeaked Rey. “I am _not_! _You_ are freakishly tall!”

She stuck a finger out, pointing it right at the direction of his chest. A low chuckle barely made it past Kylo’s lips before he was shaking his head at her. “You get upset so easily too.”

The finger rolled inward to join her others, forming a tight fist. With a few quick steps, Rey was upon him. His shock barely had time to settle on his face before she reared back, punching him directly in the chest. It forced Kylo to take a step back, looking horrified that he’d been struck. There was no time given to him to retaliate as Rey was up on her toes, moving into his face as much as she could reach.

“You are _not_ here to criticize _me_ , _you_ who don’t even belong anywhere on this _base_! Do you realize I have been given the job of watching a child? I have real work to do and its bad enough I now have to hold your hand!”

Hot breath rolled over Kylo’s cheeks as his initial shock wore off, anger rising hot and fast. “Who are _you_ to try and judge _me_? You don’t know a thing about me!”

“I don’t need to! You’re actions say more than enough. You’re arrogant, stubborn, angry. Why are you here? Why Matt? Do you even know?” 

Taken aback by her quick words, Kylo quickly uses his surprise as fuel for his rage. Uncurling a clenched fist, he pools some of the Force into his palm. Rey is quick to sense it, her eyes locking on to where the attack will come from. He follows her line of sight, shocked she’s noticed as his control wavers. 

“Who are you?” he demands.

Looking up from behind her glasses, Rey knew she was in trouble then. A warning of impending danger shot through her, the Force rippling as Kylo lifted his hand.

“I’ve got a theory about you. 

Panic choked at her but she fought it back. If Rey did nothing there was a good chance he would kill her, but acting would give herself away. The tool in her other hand rested heavily against her palm, she gripped it tightly, ready to strike.

“So, you two, how goes it?” asked Del-Mara from the door.

Both of their head’s snapped in the direction of the new presence, Del-Mara stared between the two of them, looking suddenly curious as to what they had been doing. When neither moved, the woman took a few steps forward and frowned. “Is that console fixed yet?”

“Yes Del-Mara,” spoke up Rey.

Cold blue eyes locked on to Kylo and Rey could feel a jolt run through the man, “Learned anything Matt?” she asked.

Slowly he put his hand down as Del-Mara raised a questioning brow at him. What ever was holding him back snapped and Kylo took a few quick steps away from Rey. “Yes, uh, Osira here showed me, a lot.”

“Good.”

The supervisor looked around them room then at the two of them again. She seemed content with what she saw, waved a hand their way, and turned and left as silently as she came.

“That woman is,” Kylo started to say. 

“Yeah, she is,” Rey finished.

Both looked at one another and a chill ran between them. Rey looked down at the tool in her hand then put it away on her belt. Kylo followed her movement with his eyes, “We’re you going to hit me with that?”

“I thought I already did,” she huffed.

He rubbed his shoulder absently but didn’t look convinced. “You know what I meant.”

“Yes,” Rey said, then reached into her pocket for the work order. She knew what was on it already but she just needed something to do for the moment to calm down. “Yes I was. Step out of line again and you get punished for it.”

“Punished?” scoffed Kylo.

“Yes, punished,” said Rey. “If that is the way you’ll only listen to me, that’s what you’ll get.”

Folding the paper, she placed it back into her pocket before fixing a sharp look his way. “Anything about me outside of work is none of your business. Ask again and I’ll hit something you’ll be sore for days with.”

He sneered at her then rolled his eyes. “Scary,” Kylo muttered.

Quick on her feet, Rey raised a hand before he could retreat from it. A firm smack cracked across Kylo’s shoulder and he hissed in pain. “Shut it,” she barked, and then pointed at the box of tools they had brought along. “Carry that, we have work to do.”

“Hey!” he shouted then took a step back when Rey looked ready to do it again.

“Move!” she hissed.

Watching him look like she just turned his world on its head would have been satisfying if Rey herself wasn’t so angry now. Her gaze kept locked on him, watching him go across the room and retrieve the toolbox. Once he had it in her hands, she wasted no time storming out of the room, not waiting for him to follow. 

Kylo had to jog at first to keep up and Rey listened as he moved in heavy uneven steps. He would fall behind then rush to catch back up, box jingling with tool the whole time. It quickly got on Rey’s nerves, spinning her around to face him.

“Just walk next to me,” she snapped and pointed to where he should go.

Holding the box to his chest, Kylo looked at her like she was a puzzle for him to solve. This made Rey far angrier. “Come on, we have to go get dressed.”

“Dressed for what?” he asked, moving into step along side her as she walked on. 

“To go outside.”

“In the _snow_?”

Rey rolled her eyes, having enough of Kylo Ren to last a lifetime already. “Yes, in the snow. I told you, this is a special job.”

“Why would Del-Mara give you this one?”

Stopping, Rey turned and glared up at the taller man. “Because I get my work done. I do my job. Don’t become dead weight or I’ll toss you. I might be new here but people like me. I like my work. _You_ , I don’t like.”

“I don’t like you either, you think you’re the boss of me but you’re not.”

“I’m not?” Rey scoffed then took a step closer to him.

He stood his ground but she didn’t miss him leaning back slightly, shifting his weight to be ready to move if he needed to. Pointing up at Kylo, Rey let him have it. “I am your boss _Matt_. I am your world right now, and my word is law. You don’t report to Del-Mara, you report to _me_. Your attitude is horrible and you’re going to get someone killed. That someone will not be me. You _will_ fall into line.”

Kylo shook his head and made the mistake of looking away. Rey saw an opening and kicked quickly at his knee, Kylo came down on both hard. Having him down to a more manageable height, Rey slipped out the work wrench and lifted Kylo’s chin with the end of it. One of her hands buried into the front of his work uniform and pulled up. He looked so taken back, all he could do was mouth wordlessly at her. 

“You will listen to me. If you have a problem with that, get a kriffing transfer. Until then, you _will_ listen.”

“Do you talk to all your coworkers like this?” Kylo muttered with his eyes opened wide.

Her grip tightened as her fist dug into his throat. Rey could feel his pulse beating quickly against her skin and she swore she could feel fear and excitement from that tendril that began to glow. “Just the ones who need it,” she sneered.

“And how many has that been?”

“None until _you_!” 

He stared at her for what felt like a long time and Rey didn’t move until he suddenly nodded yes. “Alright Osira, I’ll listen.”

“Good,” she snapped then pushed him away.

The tool’s in the box Kylo was carrying clanged together and he fumbled a bit to get back on his feet. When he did, Rey was trying to bring him back down again with just a glare.

“You might be actually worse than Hux,” Kylo said sounding a touch amazed. 

“Hux?” Rey repeated, sounding completely offended but then a cunning idea came to her. “You know Hux?”

“Y-Yeah,” he said, sounding a touch nervous.

“General Hux?”

“Yes.”

“How would you know a man like him?”

Kylo looked more worried now under the attention of Rey’s piercing stare. “I-I uh, I use to work on the same base as um, him. Before…before he was made a General.

The mystery of why Kylo Ren was doing this, pretending like her, ate viciously away at Rey. There was no good reason she could think for him to do this, any of this. He was clearly terrible at it, slipping up left and right but she did see an advantage so Rey struck.

“That’s pretty impressive, Hux is far better than that Kylo Ren guy.”

“ _What_? No he’s not!” he shouted. Kylo stood to his full height, back going straight and his face turned a touch red. “Kylo Ren is far better than that _idiot_!”

“ _Matt_! What are you _doing_?” Rey hissed.

“W-What?” he asked, clearly not understanding. 

“You can’t talk about General Hux like that out here in the halls! Do you want to get killed?!”

His eye lit up and Kylo nodded, now comprehending. “Oh, yeah, you’re right. Still, Kylo Ren, he’s the real reason the First Order has come as far as it has.”

“Really?” asked Rey in a tone that said she didn’t believe him.

Kylo nodded as he shifted the toolbox to just one hand. “It’s the Knights of Ren who do all the dirty work, getting the information needed. Kylo Ren is really far more important.”

“I had no clue.”

“Most don’t, it's not something a lot of people know, but I do. I can’t tell you how, its uh, sort of a secret but trust me, Kylo Ren, he’s going to finish was Darth Vader started.”

Slowly they started to walk again down the hall, Rey leading and Kylo following. 

“And what is that?”

“To bring order, through a strong rule. His rule of course.”

It was too much for Rey to handle and she let out a laugh finally. Kylo stared at her, mouth hanging open slightly. “What’s so funny?” he demanded. 

She moved her glasses so her fingers could wipe a tear away. “That you think that. That man, I doubt he could handle his self, let alone the whole galaxy.”

Rounding a corner a group of stormtroopers marched towards them along the hall. Passing by, Rey gave them a wary glance before noticing Kylo had yet to reply. She looked to him and saw he was giving his own calculating stare at them as well. The fierce sense of curiosity was back and she started to wonder if he was really hiding from the First Order its self. There was that mask he wore, maybe no one knew his face, why he thought his current look would hide him.

“What’s wrong?” Rey ask when they made it to the next hall.

“It’s nothing,” he grumbled.

“Matt,” she sighed.

Irritation radiated from him in waves. “I said it was _nothing_.”

“Didn’t look like nothing.”

Kylo’s gaze snapped to her but she quickly looked away from it. “What about you? I saw how you looked at them.”

“People in masks make me uncomfortable.”

“Is that why you don’t like Kylo Ren?” he asked, voice low and deep, too much like when he wore that black mask.

A shiver ran through Rey but she ignored it. “I never said that.”

“You didn’t have to.”

Turning her head, she shot a glare up to him. “Why do I get the feeling you want me to like him?”

“I never said that,” he repeated, almost mockingly so.

Rolling her eyes she sped up her footsteps. When they reach the room for workers to change and leave the base, Rey turned around to face him.

“Let’s get one thing clear here, I only asked about the stormtroopers because if there is some issue between you and one of them, I need to.”

“There isn’t,” he said cutting her off.

“Good,” she said firmly then moved to open the door.

“So that’s it?” Kylo asked, walking into the room behind her.

“What is?”

Rey’s hair on the back of her neck stood at attention as she felt him move closer to her back. Turning around, Rey had to look up to meet his questioning gaze. The feel of him trying to probe her again started to flicker at the edges of her mind, Kylo looking for a crack to get in. He appeared less frustrated this time, curious instead when he still couldn’t get in. Rey didn’t like that and took a step back.

“I asked you a question,” she said firmly. 

He let go of his probing and moved to look about the room instead. “I don’t ask about you, you don’t ask about me. That’s how it’ll be?” Kylo spoke.

She almost agreed but then this was Kylo Ren before her, he knew things, information about the First Order she might need to know. He was also a man that would strike her down with out a thought. The weight of what to do, how to react, was enormous. If she tried to be friendlier, Rey could find out more, but then she would have to lie more. Lies were not something she came by easily, the ones she had to live with currently was close to her breaking point. To pile more on, would the prize be worth it or lead to her downfall, that she could not know. 

He waited for her to answer and Rey just picked a side. “No, that… It doesn’t have to be that way.”

“What do you mean?” Kylo asked.

“If we are working,” said Rey, her words coming slowly. “Just keep on topic about work. If you ask anything I don’t’ want to answer, I wont, but, it would be boring to keep silent all day. It would be unfair not to apply the same to you.” 

His face remained calm but unreadable. “So if one of us doesn’t want to answer,” he began.

“You don’t have to answer,” Rey finished for him. “Its simple that way. I don’t like, complicated.”

An almost laugh huffed out of Kylo. “Isn’t this work we’re doing kind of complicated?”

She shook her head and turned away from him, walking to a locker on one of the walls. “No, it’s not really. People are. You can never really tell why they do what they do, machines are easy.”

A grunt of agreement came from Kylo and she heard him open a locker. Rey turned around and snapped her fingers. “Your locker is there,” she said, pointing to next to her own.

“How’d you know that?”

Pulling down a heavy coat, she opened the zipper on it. “It was in the message I got about you.” Her hands paused in what they were doing as she recalled something that should have frighten her sooner. “You’ll be staying in the same room too as me.”

His head lifted up from above the locker door he had open. Rey glanced up but she refused to stare for long. “We’re sharing a room?” he said, sounding a bit too close to how she felt on the matter. 

“Yes,” Rey sighed. “Now get dressed, lunch is in two hours and it takes a while to walk there.”

The door shut next to her and Kylo was fumbling with the jacket. “Walk? Why would we do that? Can’t we take something? How far is this station?”

“What did I just say? Get dressed, I’ll answer your questions after.”

Changing didn’t take long, most of the clothes they needed to put on went on over their clothes they already had on. The only real thing they both had to change was their boots. Rey tugged on her laces tightly and motioned for him to do the same. 

“Keeps the snow out,” she says.

Slipping a pair of goggles over her head, Rey looks to Kylo and knows she looks just as horrible as he does. The white suits are huge, puffed out with something fluffy to keep the heat in but it makes Rey’s movements sluggish. Kylo doesn’t seem to fair any better as he follows her to a door. They go through it and it shuts behind them, another is there waiting before them.

Tugging on a pair of gloves, Rey tightens the straps. “We walk because we’re not high enough on the chain of command to merit transportation. The station is far enough, you’ll get use to it but be careful where you step. I have to go out to the station at least once a week. The cold, you wont get use to. Enjoy being warm while you can.”

Kylo appears to not believe her but when Rey opens the door he shouts, rushing to get as covered up as her. Snow blows in and he yells over the noise of the wind. “Kriff! Y-You weren’t joking.”

Rey pulls a cover over her mouth while she laughing. Reaching for a rope at her waist, she pulls it out and holds a hook in her hand. Kylo takes a step back when Rey approaches with it but she quick, grabs him at the hip and snaps it on. “So we don’t get separated,” Rey shouts to explain.

He nods as he pulls his own facial cover up. Rey is struck for a moment by the fact he has a mask on, of sorts. The all white of their outfits breaks the spell, just different enough for her to shake the image of his other more terrifying outfit made of black.

Putting on foot in front of another, Rey marches out into the snow and Kylo follows.


	4. I Can't Feel My Toes

Ice and snow came down in hard sheets, blowing in sideways. Rey fought with each step to remain upright and Kylo Ren must have been suffering to. The rope between them went tight several times, forcing her wait for him to catch up before moving on. The only thing that kept them pointed in the right direction was a line of tall metal poles marking the way. Each was topped with a flashing red light, blinking slowly on and off. With every new pole they passed, then next became a harder for Rey to see.

With a hand resting on top of the release hook on her hip, the walk give her time to think. Leaving Kylo to die in the snow was an idea but he was strong enough to make it back on his own if she were to try, that she was sure of. There were also all the unanswered questions she had, it alone stayed her hand from even trying to undo the hook. For now, Rey wouldn’t attempt an attack on Kylo, not unless he tried something first. Set in keeping up his façade, she would let him play out his fantasy of being Matt until a better plan of action came to her.

Looking up, she wiped some snow from her goggles and saw one pole ahead with a white light. Rey stopped and waited for Kylo to appear. He had his head turned down so low that he almost missed she had stopped. Reaching up Rey pulled down her thick muff over her face and had to almost scream to be heard. 

“The white light! It means we’re half way!”

She didn’t hear him swear but from how he waving his hands about and shaking his head, he had to be cursing up a storm. Pulling the muff back on, Rey laughed with out being heard and carried on.

The second part of the path was the hardest, the terrain turning up hill and black rocks, sharp and glittering, appeared like ghosts from out of the snow. They might have been helpful with walking up hill but Rey knew better, knew from experience how slick they were, how sharp. She’d only walked this path once before but once had been enough to teach her. It was then, as she avoided one large stone, it occurred Rey she hadn’t warned Kylo of them.

Before she could stop and tell him, the rope snapped tightly, yanking at her waist. Quickly reaching out to grab on to something, Rey’s fingers found purchase on a rock. It sliced into her glove, hard edges of the rock razor fine. If not for the padding in her gloves, she might have lost a few fingers. Warm blood trickled down her wrist before the sharp sting of the cut struck. The rope tugged again and she groaned in pain but held on. The tendril lit up, panic rushing across it, something had happened to Kylo.

Rey thought about letting go but that could cause her, cause both of them, to go sliding back down. The chance of hitting a rock was too high, so she held on, grinding down hard on her teeth. Minutes ticked by slowly before the rope finally went slack to her relief. She eased her hand open but remained ready to grab on again. Pain throbbed in time with her heartbeat but Rey waited and watched quietly.

Appearing through the snow, Kylo marched through it until he spotted her and renewed his efforts to go faster. Yanking down his facial muff, he shouted at her but Rey couldn’t hear him clearly over the wind. She shook her head, signaling she didn’t understand. Frowning he marched closer, and then noticed the blood. His hands reached out to her but Rey pulled back, falling into the snow.

“Osira!” Kylo shouted, his voice loud enough now to carry. “You’re hurt!”

She held her hand to her chest and watched as he dug around within his jacket. After a bit of fumbling, he pulled free a scarf he had on underneath and moved towards her again. Rey began to crawl backwards.

“Let me help you!” he shouted at her.

Rey squeezed her hand tighter to stop the bleeding. When she didn’t accept his help, Kylo came again at her, moving just a little quicker than Rey could. His hand snatched at her wrist, bringing them close together.

“Stop fighting,” he hissed, and then struggled to get her to let go.

“Leave it!” Rey shouted back.

“You’re bleeding! I can help you, let me!”

“I don’t need your help!" 

He looked at her, his mouth turned down into a deep frown. “I thought we we’re suppose to have each others backs, or was that convenient lie?”

Hating Kylo Ren was easy, he made it easy, but he was right. Slowly Rey let go and he took her hand with a surprisingly gentle touch. Removing her glove, her fingers stung from the cold instantly. Kylo looked just long enough to see how deep the cut was before tightening his grip to keep her still. Rey watched, panicked, but she saw him only wrapped the scarf tightly around her hand and nothing more. Flexing her fingers to test his work, Kylo didn’t left go, not finished with her yet. Wrapping the ends around her exposed skin, he tucked everything in to her jacket sleeve and then gave her shoulder a single pat.

“Its this way, right?” he shouted then pointed towards the next pole, dim in the snowfall.

She pushed him away with her good hand and stood. “I’m fine! It’s your fault this happened!”

“What? I didn’t do that!” Kylo yelled and pointed to her hand.

“You fell, didn’t you?”

Rey couldn’t see his eyes but his mouth opened in surprise. She waved a hand at him, not waiting for him to confess and started to walk away. A strong hand grabbed her shoulder, spinning her around to face him.

“It’s the rocks, don’t touch them.”

Rey growled but it was lost on the wind. “I know that! They did this to me!” she shouted with her injured hand lifted up.

Catching just a hint of guilt in his body posture and seeing the words she didn’t want to hear trying to form on his lips, Rey turned away. If he said anything more, she didn’t hear it. Pulling her muff back up, Rey walked on.

After too many steps to count, the station came into view. Its stone grey walls stood out among the stark black rocks and white snow. Reaching the door she punched in the code and it slid open, Kylo was right behind her, both hurrying in before too much snow could get in. She shook it from her clothes and noticed Kylo doing the same, brushing off fat wet clumps. There was quite the pile on the floor by the time they were done. Inside wasn’t much warmer but it was enough of a difference that it felt good when Rey removed her goggles.

“Take off everything but your snow pants and boots,” she instructed. “I don’t want to be here longer than I have to be.”

When his mouth was free, Kylo wasted no time speaking. “How is your hand?”

She turned to look at him then down at the scarf, the blood had yet to soak into enough to seep through. “Its nothing, but… thank you.”

Kylo went to reply but he froze suddenly and Rey watched as his glasses began to fog up, hers quickly following. A laugh rumbled from Rey, partly a reaction to the break in tension from such a silly thing happening. Removing hers, she tried to wipe them with her good hand on her jacket uselessly. They were snatched away by Kylo and Rey could only stare at his face.

The blond wig was hidden under a hat and his jacket’s hood. With out his glasses on, Kylo just looked like Kylo, not Matt. Cleaning them off, he handed them back to her and worked on his own. Rey slipped them on with a shaking hand, she didn’t like this at all, not one bit.

“Now what boss?” he chuckled, setting his glasses back into place.

Words escaped Rey and she felt trapped. To buy herself time, she waved a hand at him then walked over to a nearby bench and sat down. “Just give me a minute.”

“Its not breakfast again, is it? What do they feed you here?”

She looked up at him with a glare, wishing he’d just shut up. “You’ll find out soon enough since it’s what you’ll be eating three meals a day.”

His face turned pale and his eyes shifted about the room, looking like he was remember something. If Kylo recalled what he was wondering about, Rey didn’t know. Instead she watched him move to the rack where clothes could be hung and he began to take off the layers she had told him too. The silence felt good, her mind was grown more still despite how her hand still throbbed. Rey just breathed for a bit then was ready to continue on.

Kylo had been smart enough to keep his distance when Rey finally stood up to rid herself of her extra clothes. Sweat collected from the walk and extra effort of undressing with an injured hand, turned chilly on her skin. Carefully the ends of the scarf were tucker into her uniform sleeves and Rey was ready to move on. Walking towards a door at the end of the room. Kylo noticed and fell into step behind her.

She opened it, the metal sliding up and revealed a staircase going down. A long line of lights flickered on, illuminating the way. He looked over her shoulder at the hole before them.

“Long way down,” he spoke but it wasn’t exactly directed at her.

“Don’t slip this time,” Rey said, hoping it felt like a jab to his side.

Staircase after staircase they went, Rey keeping her good hand firmly on the railing until they reached the bottom. Out in front of them stretched a long hallway, water dripped slowly somewhere and the walls echoed back their footsteps. At the end there was a door, this one looking like it could handle a serious blast. Rey punched in a code to a keypad. It slipped aside and a room full of pipes spread out before them in a twisted maze.

“This is it?” Kylo scoffed.

Rey walked on, out on to a metal walk way. “What were you expecting?”

“I don’t know, something… more,” he grumbled but still followed along. “What does this station do anyways?”

“Its controls half the water and sewage to the base.”

Kylo stopped and Rey made it a few feet away before she noticed stopped too. Turning around, she saw he was upset.

His scowling frown was back and his tone was more than displeased. “We came all this way out here for water and… and _sewage_?”

“Yes,” Rey said, sounding bored of his anger already. “Is that not important enough? The water also feeds major cooling systems, ones needed to keep half this base from going into over load. For sewage, you want all the toilets to back up? Of course it’s mostly handled by remote but someone still has to physically inspect it all.”

His mouth twisted into a deeper snarl, and then waved his hands about wildly. “How is this a special job though?”

She looked unimpressed and placed her good hand to rest on her hip. “It's special because Del-Mara says so and that’s good enough for me.”

“It's not for me!" 

“Get over yourself,” she groaned, then turned and gave him her back. 

“What did you say to me?”

His footsteps were heavy on the metal walkway and Rey turned around only to be crowded in by his larger body. She backed up into a railing and held on to it tightly. Below was a rather drastic drop. Looming over her, Kylo’s rage set the tendril to glowing brightly, forcing Rey had to endure his feelings.

“What was that? Get over myself? Do you have _any_ idea who I am? What I could do to you?”

His words felt hot on her skin but Rey wouldn’t dare look him in the eye. This seemed to upset him even more, enough to reach out and grab her jaw and force her to look up. “Look at me!” he shouted. 

She did but Rey refused to be terrorized by him, meeting his gaze unafraid. “You really like me repeating myself, don’t you?”

His fingers dug into her skin but she didn’t give in and wince at the fresh pain. “Maybe I should let you in on a little secret, about me.”

“I rather you not, and could you let go of me, this is very inappropriate.” 

“I could break you, did you know that? Like a _twig_.”

“Do it,” Rey sneered. “Then maybe after I could get back to work.”

“Is that all you ever think about?”

“Sometimes I think about what it's like to swim in an ocean,” she said flatly. “What do you like to think about Matt?”

When he heard his fake name, Kylo faltered abruptly. She watched as he let go and took a few steps away. It was clear Rey had hit a nerve but what about, she could not know. The tendril dimmed to a faint glow but she could only feel something like emptiness trickle out. It was making her head start to spin how quickly he could become totally enrage then let it go like it was nothing.

His words, unexpected, made her jump slightly. “What do we need to get done?”

“Done?” she said, her voice going a little higher than usual. “ _Now_ you want to work? I don’t get you, I don’t think anyone could, not when you can’t seem to ever just act normal.”

“ _Normal_?” Kylo said with a dark laugh. “What’s _normal_?”

There was no answer for him that she could give, and the longer she looked at him, the feeling of looking at someone entirely new grew. This wasn’t Matt or Kylo Ren, this was a man she had yet to know his name. When he looked at her, even his eyes looked different, young and old, tired and sad. The image he painted wasn’t one she wanted to handle so Rey looked away, a pain bone deep ached from the tendril.

“I don’t actually know,” she said low and quiet. “But I do know you are not.”

“No, I’m not,” said a stranger.

“Why are you here Matt?” Rey asked again.

The stranger left his gaze but he didn’t completely seem like Kylo either. “I’m here to work.”

A slow sigh came from Rey’s parted lips as the air felt lighter about them. The fight was over for now. “Let’s get to work then.”

He nodded and then Rey noticed some of his black hair as slipped from out under his wig. If not for his eyes moments ago, she would have never said a thing about it. The wig was really terrible and she had half a mind to snatch it off his head, but something told her he needed it right now. Pity wasn’t something she was willing to give a man like Kylo Ren but she wouldn’t be the one to break his cover.

“The bathroom, there’s one down that hall,” Rey spoke up and pointed the way. “Why don’t you go clean up some of the sweat from your face, you’ll feel better afterwards.”

He looked at her like he couldn’t understand what she was saying, “I’m fine.”

“Matt, you _really_ should.”

Reaching up, he touched some of his sweat and then quickly hid any surprise he felt. “I’ll, uh, go do that,” he spoke before rushing off.

When Rey saw him again, his hair was properly tucked away but neither said a word about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the response I've gotten for this! The story is sort of pouring out of me and I'm having a blast writing it. Sorry for any grammar mistakes and any mixed up words, I try my best to proof it the best I can but I struggle with a few issues that make reading and writing sometimes difficult. I hope you enjoyed this chapter.


	5. Human After All

Pulling a comlink out of a pocket, Rey hands it to Kylo. “Here.”

“What am I doing with this?” he asks, looking it over.

A wince crosses her face as she flexes her fingers, trying to get the sting to go away. “Ask for engineer Benson. I’m going to read you some numbers, when he’s ready, you read them back to him.”

Kylo lifts it to his mouth and clicks it on to speak. “Is Benson there?”

“Who’s this?” crackled back a voice.

Rey let out a frustrated groan then snatches the comlink back. Her fingers dig into the switch, clicking it on. “This is Osira, out at station thirty five. Put engineer Benson on.”

“Just a moment,” the voice replied.

“It looks like I have to teach you how to use one of these properly too.”

Kylo took the communicator back and frowned at her. “I can do it.”

Giving him a second chance, Rey shot him a look that said to prove it. He only frowned back but she didn’t have time for his attitude at the moment, turning around, she looked at the first juncture. There was a digital display of the current pressure reading, along with several other rows of numbers. While waiting for Benson to get on the line, and even with Kylo there, Rey tapped at the screen and began digging around for information she could use.

The history of the pressure levels for the past week was brought up first. Rey had memorized last week’s for all the displays she would have to check today. She was hoping to find any fluctuations and then from there she could begin finding weakness in the systems. Dragging the timeline along, there was a jump she noticed, not a large one but big enough to be unusual.

“What are doing?” asked Kylo and Rey froze, having forgotten for a moment he was still there.

“Oh, um, I was just looking for any problems,” she said.

“See any?”

“No, looks good here.”

Kylo clicked on the comlink again, his voice angry. “Any word on Benson?”

“Is this station thirty five again? Are you the new guy? Where’s Osira?”

“She’s busy. And yes, I’m the new guy, Matt. Where the kriff is Benson?” he growled.

“He’s at lunch but he’ll be back any minute. Yesh, calm down Matt,” replied the man.

“Calm down? Who is this?”

“Tal.”

“Tal who?”

Rey finally turned around and looked to see Kylo almost crushing the comlink in his hand. Rolling her eyes, she went back to her work.

“Tal none of your business. Put Osira on.”

“No,” Kylo boomed. “I told you, she’s _busy_. Hurry up and _find_ Benson. Has anyone told you how incompetent you are at your job?”

Rey let out a snicker that she quickly hid behind a smothering hand.

“He’ll get here when he gets here, for now, get off the farking coms new guy.”

The line clicked dead and she felt the force curl around Kylo. Glancing back, it was just in time to catch him raising his arm to throw the comlink.

Moving fast, she pun and lifted her hands up and waved at him, “Matt don’t you **dare**! I don’t have _another_!”

His head snapped her way but he didn’t throw it, instead he turned and gave one of the support beams near by a hard kick. His boot landed hard, making the metal ping and vibrate from the force of the strike. Rubbing her eyes, she was starting to feel more tired than usual now.

“ _Please_ , just don’t break that. You break that and we have to walk back, get another, and then walk all the way back here,” Rey said, her voice low and mostly even.

“I wasn’t!” he started but she held up a hand to silence him.

“I’m cold and I’m hungry. Don’t make this any harder.”

Appearing to not be done with being angry, Kylo took a step towards her, his hand pointing to his own chest. “I’m not the one stopping us, this _farking_ Benson is. _You_ said he’s suppose to be waiting for us and he’s _not_!”

Grabbing a hold of the railing, Rey lowered herself to the floor and sat down. Her cut hand was cradled to her chest as her head rolled back to rest against a cool pile. “Just, relax.”

“Why are you sitting down? Shouldn’t you be more upset about this?” He waved at her now, looking disgusted and confused. “I thought you were Ms. the job needs to be done right.”

Rey laughs lightly and shakes her head. “I am, but I also know a break when I see one. This is a break. Storm about if you like, I’m going to sit.”

Pacing back and forth like the wild animal he is, Rey just watches, half amused, and half frustrated she has to deal with him at all. Wondering if he’s really like this, when he’s got his black robes on and hidden away behind his mask, keeps her mind occupied for a few minutes. Going back and forth, Kylo does indeed burn some of his rage away but does end up joining her on the floor. Pulling his knees to his chest, he wraps his arms around them and then tries to burn a hole into the wall across the way.

They sit in silence until Rey can’t handle it anymore. “Why a radar tech?” she speaks up.

He only needs to flick his eyes to the right to meet her gaze, his anger fizzles even more once he does. Shrugging, Kylo shakes his head. “It sounded interesting.”

“Is that why you lied? On your transfer form?”

“Sure,” he huffed then turned his face down, hiding it away into his arms.

“Why did you come here?”

His shoulders shrug again but he doesn’t look up. Rey presses on, “Are you hiding from someone?”

Her question seems to hit its mark because Kylo slowly does look back up at her. His eyes are sharp, looking at and through her. “Why do you keep asking me questions about myself?”

She gives her own small shrug. “Don’t know, I guess I’m just curious.” 

“There’s nothing worth knowing about me. I’m no one.”

Torn on to keep going or not, Rey isn’t given enough time to make up her mind as the comlink clicks to life. A new voice, but still male, speaks up. “Osira? Osria are you there?”

Kylo looks down at object in his hand then hands it back over to her. The walkway is small enough that his long arms can reach her without moving. She takes it and clicks the channel open. “I’m here Benson, sorry about my new guy, he’s… a bit high strung.”

“So I’ve heard,” Benson laughs back. “Sorry for the delay, a commander caught me in the hall and wanted a full report on the spot. I ran the whole way back.”

“So what’s for lunch today?” Rey asked as Kylo looked on.

“Nothing you’ll like. Then again, maybe _you_ will.”

Lifting his head completely off his arms, Kylo frowns. “What’s that suppose to mean.” 

She waves at hand at him to be quiet. “If you ate what I use to live on you wouldn’t complain as much. Are you ready?”

“Yes I am, ready whenever you are.”

“Just a tick Benson,” Rey said then tosses the comlink back to Kylo.

He catches it then stands with her. Moving back to the display, Rey brings up the current readings. “Just repeat back what I say, ok?”

Grunting that he understood, Kylo clicks the button to speak. “Station thirty five here, ready.”

“Oh, hey, you must be Matt. You’re lucky to work with Osira. She’s really,” Benson started to ramble on.

“Can we just get on with this?” Kylo says, cutting him off.

“Right,” replies Benson, voice dipping back into a professional tone. “Command control, ready to receive.”

Now that things were settled finally, Rey reads out loud. “Junction five three dash two four nine A, readings are in the green. Current pressure, two hundred and fifty three point two seven. 

Behind her, Kylo repeated her words to Benson who replies back with confirmation of the same numbers on his end. Moving on to the next reading they repeated this for over an hour. Working around the room, they moved up and down through the levels until the job was finally done.

“Current pressure, seventy two point two six,” said Rey.

“Current pressure, seventy two point two six,” repeated Kylo.

 “It's all green here guys. Thanks again, talk to you next week,” said Benson, sounding a little friendlier again. 

“Station thirty five out,” says Kylo coldly before letting the channel close.

Handing back the comlink, Rey took it from him and put it away. She was oddly proud of him, that he had remained calm through the whole affair. Along the way she even found bigger fluctuations that had been at the same time as last week's readings. It gave her a few places to start investigating that could lead her to much bigger finds.

“Osira,” Kylo spoke up and pointed down. “Your hand.”

Looking, she could see blood dripping from one red spot that had bloomed across the scarf. “I should go take care of this before we head back.”

“Do you need any help?”

“It’s nothing really, I’ve had worse,” Rey says. “I won't be gone long.”

Watching her leave, he waits until he hears the door shut before reaching up and pulling off his glasses. Rubbing the bridge of his nose, Kylo sighs. “It hasn’t even been a day, just give it a chance.”

Dressing her own wounds was something Rey learned early on to do living on Jakku. With how cold it was now, it wasn’t hard for her not to think of Jakku’s heat, missing it just a little. Having to put her hand under the cold water sets off a shiver that doesn’t want to stop, not even after she cleaned and redressed the wound.

Coming out of the bathroom, Rey walks back but slows to a halt. Kylo is standing with his back to her and a hand at his face. His shoulders are shaking. Her mouth hangs open, words bubbling up but unable to form as an idea jolts her to the core. This wasn’t something she was supposed to see and Rey has half a mind to turn around and walk right back into the bathroom. 

His head lifts up and looks back towards her, face casted in shadow from the overhead lights. If there were any tears, she couldn’t see them. A name Rey shouldn’t say begins to form on her tongue, but his words echoed off the walls first.

“Osira, is everything ok?”

“No it's not,” she whispers, too low for him to hear. 

“What did you say?” he asks a little louder, his hand falling away to his side.

This was too much, she didn’t want this, she didn’t want to feel pity or an ounce of sympathy for a man like him. Finn, Poe, Chewbacca, Luke, and Leia were counting on her, waiting for her to return. People were waiting for her, people who would be there this time. It wouldn’t be like on Jakku, not this time. There was a way out, an end game, she just had to be strong enough to endure to reach it.

Holding up her freshly wrapped hand, Rey smiled lightly. “I said I’m fine. See, ready to go until a medic can look at it.”

Nodding, Kylo turned away and started to walk towards the exiting hall. Following this time, Rey keeps a good distance between them but he stops and waits for her at the stairwell up. She chances a glance up at his face, it looks utterly normal to her. If what she thought had happened, there was no sign of it left. Not even a slight redness to his eyes.

“Think you can make it back up ok?” he spoke, his voice calm.

She rolls her eyes and moved to start heading up the stairs. Her good hand was back on the railing as Rey cradled her injured one in close. At the top, she was just a touch winded but she did notice he was breathing much harder, cheeks red and flushed.

“Out of shape?” Rey says with a knowing smile.

Turning away, Kylo moves to the rack where his clothes are hanging. “Yes actually,” he says, open and honest.

That was another thing Rey wasn’t ready for, it stopped her own movements and drew her attention back to him. He caught sight of her gaze then ducked his head down while pulling on his jacket. “When I was injured, not just on my face, it left me in a bed for a while. Then some other things got in the way and I haven’t had much time to work out.”

“Oh,” she breathed out. “I won't bring it up again, sorry.”

Yanking on a wool hat, he looked her way again. “It's fine. Doing all this, it’s… it’s a good workout. Not as hard as I use to go but, its something.”

Pulling on her own jacket, Rey let out a huff. “Don’t expect this sort of thing all the time. Most of the work is shoving yourself into somewhere small and tight, then having to change out or tighten something. You’ll find out about a whole new group of muscles and how sore they can be.”

“I wouldn’t mind that.” 

Returning his gaze, she gives him a friendly smile. “Good, then I’ll give you all the hard work from now on.”

“Hey, that’s not fair,” he protested but Rey wasn’t listening. 

“I didn’t say it was.” 

Kylo is fully dressed, minus pulling down his goggles and up on his muff. He turns his body at her, watching her zip up her own jacket. “I thought we are suppose to be a team, fifty fifty right?”

Rey let out a sharp bark of a laugh. “Maybe when you know what you’re doing, for now, you get the grunt work while I teach.”

 “Has anyone told you how mean you are before?”

Trying to pull on her hat was proving to be difficult but she didn’t give up, not when her mood was improving. “Never. People only say nice things about me.”

He watched her struggle on for a bit more then walked over. Giving him a quick glare, he returns it with one of his own, it clearly says she shouldn’t try and fight him again. Nodding, Rey goes stiff as his hands approached her then tugs her hat down. He doesn’t stop there, already working her jacket hood up before she can move away. She wasn’t going to stop him, not now that he started and her hand was really starting to ache. 

“What sort of things do they say? About you?” he asks, gloved hands working to tuck everything in better. 

“They say Rey,” she starts, freezes when she’s realizes her mistake. His hands stop too but Rey won’t be caught, not by him. “They say I’m a ray of sunshine. That I bless everyone’s day that sees me. That I’m a treasure to behold.”

Kylo goes back to tucking in her muff then takes her goggles from her and sets them on her head. The hook is attached last and they are ready to go back outside.

Looking down one more, he says, “They say all of that?”

“Yes,” she replies, eyes locked on his.

“I guess I’m missing something because to me, you are just a pain in my ass.”

She smacks him hard and fast with her good hand, right in the shoulder. He takes a step back, in shock from the strike, but she can see him fighting back a laugh. “See! Look how mean you are!” 

“Shut up,” Rey snaps while yanking down on her goggles. “You deserve it.”

“Maybe,” Kylo chuckles, and then pulls his own. 

Taking hold of her muff, Rey takes a deep breath in. “Let’s do this,” she says then covers her face.

When the door opens, the wind has all but died down, the snow though is still coming down hard. She can hear ice crinkle as it hits the ground and a cloud of fog rolls in from behind her. Turning around, she see’s Kylo breathe in the crisp air before he lifts his muff to cover his face. 

“Ladies first,” he says through the thick fabric.

She gives him another whack before marching off into the snow. He follows of course, and this time, without the wind, she can clearly hear him walking through the thick snow behind her. They take the hill down slowly, careful of the rocks. He remains close this time and Rey gets the feeling he’s waiting for her to fall. She wants to laugh at that idea because he was the one who slipped before, not her.

The land finally evens out but that doesn’t make the trek any easier. The snow has piled in higher since they have been in the station, their previous footprints almost filled in completely. Sweat trickles into her eyes and Rey is quick to blink it away before the salt has a change to sting her. Taking a look back, she see’s him only a few feet away. Pointing up, her hand motions to the white light and he gives her a thumbs up in return. They trek on, never stopping until the rocky outcrop of the top level of the base is buried in appears. 

When the outside door opens and they enter fast. Rey yanks down on her muff and breathes in the heat. The base isn’t overly warm but after being inside it for a week, she’s become partly use to it. Kylo is breathing hard too and they both have the same idea to sit down on a bench. He pulls down his own muff and then grapples with the collar of his jacket. It snaps open and he sighs with relief.

Turning to look at her, his words coming out a bit breathy. “I’ve never been so cold and hot before at the same time.”

She sitting next to him and does the same, yanking her jacket open. “The good news is we don’t have to do that again until next week.”

“And the bad news?”

“We have to do that again next week.”

He finally laughs, it’s rich and full, and if he was anyone else Rey might have liked the sound of it. “Great, I look forward to it,” he laughs on and tugs open his jacket a little more.

Her mood turns sour, he’s acting too much like a real person and she doesn’t want that. It would be better if he were just a monster, a thing to hate and avoid. Rey stands suddenly and he looks up at her confused.

“Hurry up and get undressed, it's time for lunch.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm super blown away by all the comments and kudos, thank you a million times over if you leave either or both and also for reading!


	6. Kylo Ren Is A Hero

“Would you wait?” Kylo calls out to Rey.

“Keep up,” she yells back.

“You haven’t gone to the medic yet.”

Stopping in the hallway, Rey spun on her heel, her good hand shooting out to point towards a hallway. “The mess hall is that way, second door on the right. It’s impossible to miss with the big sign above it.”

Kylo’s brows lowered and pinched below the frames of his glasses. “Don’t you want me to go with you?”

“Not really,” said Rey, her lips turned down in a sour frown.

Staring at her with disdain, Kylo expressed his own by frowning as well. “Fine. I’m not getting your food for you.”

“I didn’t ask you to,” she snapped.

“Well I’m not,” Kylo huffed.

“Good!” Rey shouted.

“Why are you yelling?!” Kylo said, raising his voice to match her volume.

Throwing up her hands, Rey’s shoulders shrugged in frustration. “Why are you yelling at me?!" 

“Because you did it first!”

“Well _stop it_!”

“ _I am_!”

“Is there a problem here?” a passing Stormtrooper spoke up, looking between the two feuding in the middle of the hall.

Rey turned a sharp glare at the trooper that could melt metal, Kylo didn’t look any happier, his own promising pain with it. The Stormtrooper took a slow step back, a hand reaching slowly to rest on his blaster.

“Just… keep it down,” said the Stormtrooper, who then hurried off in the other direction.

Wasting no time, Rey turned around and walked towards the nearest medical clinic. Kylo didn’t follow, but he did shout down the hall at her. “I wasn’t _finished_!”

“Yes you _were_!” she yelled back, not bothering to even look. To end the argument for good, Rey made a rude hand gesture, one she’d seen given to Unkar Plutt more times than she could count.

Watching her round the corner, leaving him alone in the hall, Kylo’s blood caught fire. It only took until another Stormtrooper walking along to set him off like an explosion. Snarling, his hand shot out, with it was a burst of the Force. The Stormtrooper was flung into the wall, crashing with a low groan. Before the soldier could sit up, Kylo was on him, hands grabbing at the armor, and lifting him up to his feet.

“You will _not_ remember this,” he said between clenched teeth, pushing his way into the man’s mind violently. “You fell, nothing more. You never saw _me_.”

“I… I never saw you,” the Stormtrooper muttered. “I fell, that’s it.” 

“Good,” stated Kylo, who then pushed the man away, letting him fall to the floor.

Thunderous footsteps announced his way, Kylo moved along the hall in quick long strides. A few people watched him pass, turning pale and rushing to get away, not quite knowing what they were seeing. The doors opened to the mess hall and he paused there, taking a passing glare around. Everyone in the room stopped and looked, like prey sensing a predator.

“Hi, I’m Matt,” Kylo said loud enough for all to hear. “I’m an engineer, formally a radar technician.”

A ripple vibrated through the Force and Rey knew exactly who it was, she had been expected it. Calming her mind she tuned it out, a series of walls were raised like Luke had shown her. With each one, the sensation of Kylo’s rage was muted until she felt nothing at all. With silence in her mind, Rey walked into the clinic. Inside she found a young male Medical technician sitting at a desk with sandy brown hair. He was reading over a chart but his head turned up as soon as he heard Rey’s footfalls.

“What’s the problem?” he asked.

“Cut my hand one of the rocks outside,” said Rey. She lifted her hand, showing him the wrapped appendage. 

He stood up and motioned for her to follow. Walking to a side section, there were two stools, a small side table made of metal, and a medical cart. The Medic motioned to which stool for her to sit on. Placing her hand down, Rey watched as he wasted no time working the scarf free. New blood had pooled but nowhere near as much as the first time she cleaned it.

“A little bacta should have this cleared up by tomorrow,” he said.

Feeling better now that she was away from Kylo, Rey let herself relax, her anger slipping away like water. “That’s good. How’s your day so far?”

The Medic looked up with a hint of smile tugging on his cheeks. “Slow, but that’s a good thing I suppose.”

“Yes, I’m sure it is.”

Reaching into a cart near by, he pulled out a small packet and started to apply the bacta. A soft sigh left her lips as it cooled and numbed the stinging pain. His hands worked quickly, wrapping her hand properly with clean gauze. Taping it well, the Medic looked over his work then placed her hand gently back down.

“If you notice anything wrong, just come back in,” he said, polite and professional.

Flexing her fingers, Rey felt no pain. With a happy smile, she said, “I will, thank you. Your work is appreciated, at least by me.”

 A flush came to the Medic’s cheeks as he rolled away on his stool to fetch a clipboard nearby, “It’s uh, all part of the job. Now, what’s your work ID number?”

“Oh! I finally found  _you_!” a dark skinned woman gasped from the door.

The Medic and Rey both turned to watch the new arrival march towards them. Her face was set into a deep look of determination as she crossed the clinic to them. “Osira, you _have_ to get to the mess hall, quick!” she said.

Getting off the stool, Rey rushed to meet the woman the rest of the way. “Amaza, what’s wrong?”

Putting a hand over her chest, Amaza took a few deep breaths. “It’s the new guy, Matt, your new partner. He got himself into a fight. You better go break it up before Del-Mara hears about it. I don’t care about him but I don’t want to see your cute little butt in trouble because of him." 

Looking to the Medic, Rey frowns, “Can I get back to,” she starts.

He quickly waves her off, “Go, come back when you can. I’ll be here waiting.”

“Thanks,” she says with a smile then looks to Amaza. “You think my butt is cute?”

The taller woman rolls her eyes. “You know it is, now _move it_!”

Nearly avoiding getting smack on the rear by Amaza, Rey runs out of the clinic and down the hall. She has to go around a few groups walking along, some watch her run past with questioning stares that she outright ignores. Feet sliding, Rey comes to a stop and the mess hall doors open for her.

There on the floor is Kylo Ren, he’s on top of a man’s back with their arm wrenched behind. Everyone is on their feet, watching the two struggle about.

“ _Say it_! Say it again! I _dare_ you!” Kylo snarls, pulling the other’s man arm back a little more.

Who ever is faced down on the floor, he lifts his head to try and look back at Kylo. “I _said_ Kylo Ren is a _punk ass_ ,” the man starts to say.

A loud snap echoed off the walls and the crowd makes a collective sound of gasping. A broken arm flops to the floor as Kylo rises to his feet, the man under letting out a deep groan.

“What is going on here?!” Rey shouts, drawing everyone’s attention to her.

A few people pat one another, pointing at Rey, then start to whisper about her. Others even move back to the corners and walls of the room, clearly worried things are about to escalate. Marching up to Kylo, Rey points at him. 

“ _You_ , with me,” she says with no room to be argued with. Pointing at two other men randomly, she motions to the man on the floor. “Take him to the medic, _now_. 

“Why should I listen to _you_ Osira?” one says but is quickly hit by the man next to him. 

“Just do as she says,” the other hisses.

The two men exchange a variety of looks between one another but Rey ignores it, she’s too busy trying to set Kylo on fire with just a stare. Kylo seems to take it all too well, leaving the man where he is without a second thought. He walks right towards her in no real hurry. Turning, Rey leaves and knows Kylo will follow her. They walk down the hall and Rey turns down another smaller hall. When Kylo comes around into the tighter corridor, he’s hit in the shoulder, hard.

“What is wrong with you?” Rey whispers loudly.

His face pinches in pain while Kylo rubs his abused shoulder. “Why are you talking like that?”

“Like _what_?” Rey hisses lowly.

“In that stupid whispering voice you’re doing. I’m right here.”

This time she kicks him in the leg, Kylo tries to jump back but his hits the wall first before he can fully avoid her. Turning his head back, he glares at the slab of cement, offended by it. His attention is stolen back quickly by Rey who flicks the end of his nose. Wincing, Kylo reaches out to try and grab her hand but Rey just barely avoids his grip.

“You made enough of a scene _already_ , I don’t want Del-Mara to find out about this,” Rey speaks now normally.

“So what if she does?” Kylo scoffs.

“If she does it's also _my_ ass on the line!” she says, poking him in the chest once. 

“Oh,” he breathes out.

“What happened?” Rey demands.

Looking away from her, the corners of Kylo’s mouth tightens into a deep frown. His silence becomes his answer. Not needing him to speak, Rey easily pieces together what might of happened.

“What did he say about Kylo Ren?” she asks.

His frown deepens to new depths, his eyes becoming as sharp as the rock that cut opened her hand. “He said he was a punk ass _bitch_!” Kylo snapped.

“Matt,” sighed Rey. “You can’t do that. You can’t break a man’s arm just because he bad mouthed Kylo Ren.”

“Yes I can!” he shouted, his cheeks flushing red.

“No, you **can’t**!” Rey almost screamed. “You’re _my_ responsibility and I _will not_ have you reflecting badly upon _me_!”

Disappointment made a temporary home on Rey’s face. Kylo stared back, breathing deeply, but in the end, he couldn’t face her any more and looked away.

“So what do we do?” he asked, voice low and void of emotion.

“We?” Rey repeats and shakes her head. “We do nothing, _you_ keep your mouth shut while I have an idea on how to fix this. One I hope will prevent this from happening again.”

The idea Rey came up with she hated immediately, she _really_ hated it, but it was all she could think of. The words she was going to have to say tasted like bitter coins in her mouth already. With their conversation done, Rey lead the way back to the mess hall. Neither said another word the walk back.

The doors opened as everyone there was trying to get back to their lunch. As soon as Rey and Kylo were spotted, everything halted at once. Rey cleared her throat, her stomach twisting in on itself.

“I’d like to apologize about Matt,” she spoke up. “I’m sure you’ve noticed his scar by now.”

Behind Rey, Kylo bristled, his rage washing over her fresh and hot. She still continued on. “He was injured trying to escape the previous Starkiller base, I would request for all of you to keep any ill spoken words about Kylo Ren away from Matt. It’s hard for him to hear such things seeing as Kylo Ren was the man who saved him from death.”

“What?” hissed Kylo as well as many others in the room.

One larger man holding a lunch tray called out to her. “Kylo Ren wouldn’t do that.”

“But he did,” Rey went on speaking. “When General Hux had already fled, Kylo Ren stayed behind to save as many others as he could. Matt was one of them.”

A murmur spreads throughout the room, whispering and talking about if what Rey was saying was true or not. One Stormtrooper without his helmet on spoke up, hushing the room completely. “Hey, I’m sorry about what he said to you Matt. If Kylo Ren did that, then I’ll make sure no one bad mouths him for you.” 

A wave of agreement rippled slowly until mostly everyone was nodding in agreement. Kylo just watched in shock before finding his voice again. “Thank you, I… appreciated it,” he said, trying to sound modest.

The mess hall slowly moved to back what they were doing and Rey was happy to finally be out of the spot light. Her shoulders slumped but she jumped when a heavy hand touched her shoulder.

Kylo leaned in next to her ear, speaking only loud enough for her to hear. “Quick thinking boss.”

Reaching up, Rey brushed off his hand, “Don’t let it happen again or I’ll break _your_ arm next time." 

“There won't be a next time,” Kylo said darkly. Rey couldn’t stop the shiver that ran down her spine.

The lie she told wouldn’t solve all of her problems but it very much could prevent any further issues from arising. Rey would always do what was needed to be done in order to survive. Moving away from Kylo, she walked to go collect her lunch finally. A cafeteria worker piled food onto Rey’s tray, giving her time to clear her mind and calm down. When she walked back to the tables, she was ready to handle having to sit next to Kylo. There was nowhere else she could have sat despite wanting to. Even with the fight settled, Rey knew for sure she would have to keep an eye on him closely.

Slipping into the seat next to Kylo, Rey noticed his own tray was full. He moved bits about with his fork but didn’t move to take a bite. She couldn’t tell when the fight had started but it didn’t look like he’d had eaten anything.

“This is disgusting,” Kylo said.

“Food is food,” Rey muttered before digging into her own meal.

Pushing some of the blue noodle dish around, Kylo grumbled something incoherent then let his fork drop from his hand. Turning his head to look at her, Kylo froze when he noticed Rey’s tray. “What the?” he said astounded.

Pushing a piece of bread around, Rey soaked up the last of the sauce. Noticing him looking, she glanced up in time to watch him look back and forth between her and her tray. “What?” she said.

“You… just ate all of that?” 

“Yes,” said Rey before quickly eating her soggy bread. She then noticed his tray and pointed. “Are you going to eat that?”

Kylo’s face turned ghostly white and he shook his head no. Smiling wide, Rey pulled his tray to her and dug in. She finished it all in less than a minute much to Kylo’s horror. Stacking the two empty trays together, Kylo was still staring.

“You can cut that out now,” Rey said with a frown. 

His mouth hung open for a moment, than Kylo was shaking his head with disbelief. “How?” was all he could manage to say. 

Wiping her hands on a napkin, Rey shrugged. “If you have ever starved before, you don’t turn down food when you have it.”

Before Kylo could respond, Rey stood up and tried to pick up the trays. She was beaten to the task by Kylo’s swift hand hands. Lifting them with easy, he said, “Let me. It’s… It’s the least I can do.”

Rey allowed it and watched him go put the trays on the collection table with the rest. He walked back and Rey noticed a few people were looked his way. Most who did look had a variety of mixed emotions, some even leaning in to another to quietly whisper.

Departing the mess hall, Rey pulled out the worksheet and saw that the next repair job down was down on the lower levels. She led Kylo to the storage locker where they had stored their toolbox and he lifted it out with ease. Carrying it under his arm, they went next to the parts room. There were several men and women behind a long counter. Rey approached and showed Kylo what order number to give to get what they would need for the job. One woman went back into the long row of shelves and carried to them a heavy metal joint. She set it down on the desk, arms strong from doing such tasks day in and out.

Lifting the joint, Kylo took a moment to adjust it better with a stronger grip. Rey watched carefully and he gave her a quick look. 

“I got it,” said Kylo, looking a little offended that she thought he might drop it.

The exact location of the job is an area Rey hasn’t gone into much yet. Digging out a small datapad from one of her pockets, Rey brings up the master list of maps. It takes her a minute to scroll through to find the right one but her eyes quickly memorize the path they’ll have to take.

“Its this way,” she says and directs them to an elevator.

They ride it down, neither talking and Kylo holding the joint and toolbox without complaint. When the doors open, a wave of heat rolls in.

Stepping out, Kylo says “It's warm down here, I like it.”

“You like the heat?” Rey questions.

Nodding, Kylo lifts the joint up a little higher to rest on his shoulder. “Bases and ships are always a little too cold for me, this, I like.”

That was the last thing Rey expected to know about him but now all the layers that made up his black robes started to make sense. The heat didn’t bother her at all, it was barely hot enough to be a cool day on Jakku.

“It’s this way,” Rey spoke up, leading them on.

Across catwalks and through thin hallways with large pipes they went. Twisting and turning, their path snaked deep and deeper until it was so hot, Rey was even starting to sweat. Looking up, she finally saw the sign she was looking for.

“The juncture should be right down here,” said Rey.

Kylo followed her with his cheeks flushed red, sweat was rolling down his face when Rey finally came to a stop. There was a pipe she bent down to look at and he could see water dripping from it freely. 

Looking up, Rey motioned for Kylo to set what he was carrying down. “We need to shut off this section,” she spoke up. “I’ll show you where the shut off is.”

Kylo turns a steel wheel and Rey can hear the water stop running. He gives it one last strong tug and she can’t help but notice that he’s good with his hands. There is a good sturdy grip about them and she half wonders if that has anything to do with whatever training he’s had with a lightsaber. Not wanting to waste too much time pondering over Kylo, she moves on and the two of them work pretty much in silence. 

Words are only passed between them as needed and without any argument, Kylo does the brunt of the work. Despite it only being a part to replace, Rey finds several more leaks around where they will work. Kylo shuts off more values until the whole area is shut off. Digging around in the toolbox, Rey pulls out a small can.

“I can seal everything up temporarily with this,” Rey says, showing him the can. “If you can remove the pipes, I can spray the insides.

Kylo nods, and then take a deep breath in to speak. “Wait a second,” he says.

Reaching for his sleeves, Kylo rolls them up carefully up to his bicep. Rey notices right away all the small little scars littering his hands and forearms. Each one looks to her like a small burn mark, white and puckered. He doesn’t notice her looking or if he does, Kylo doesn’t appear to care.

They work on, Rey instructing and Kylo doing. They make it through several pipes but the temperature spikes even higher. Stopping, Kylo digs around in a back pocket and pulls out a rag. Taking off his glasses, he wipes the heavy sweat from his face.

“Is this normal?” he says a bit breathless.

“The work or the heat?” Rey asks.

Kylo pauses to ponder his response and tugs open the collar of his uniform, exposing his white undershirt. “The heat,” he says.

Wiping away some of her own on the back of her sleeve, Rey nods. “It’s a little warmer than usual but that could mean someone is running a systems test. When we finish up we can go get some water.”

“And a jump in a refresher,” Kylo suggests.

His idea hits Rey like a pile of rocks, a horror takes shape in her mind with crystal clarity. “R-Refresher,” she repeated.

“Yeah,” Kylo breaths out. He then frowns when he notices she has gone pale. “What is it? Don’t tell me they are sonic?”

Shaking her head no, Rey fidgets in place. “No, it's, um, by level.”

“A group refresher?!” Kylo shouts a little loudly.

Turning away, Rey won't dare to look at him right now. “It gets crowded in the mornings and evenings too, soon would be a good time go, if you wanted some privacy that is. “

Both don’t move for a while nor say a word. Part of Rey is happy this seemingly as awkward for him as it is for her. It may have been normal for many of the other First Order workers but Rey always could clean herself in private on Jakku in her own home. Even the rebel base had private refreshers. She was sure he must have had his own as well.

“Shifts, we can go in shifts,” Kylo says, breaking the silence. “I honestly have no intention in see you naked, ever.”

Rey looks to him, feeling a touched insulted, but what he recommends is a good idea. “I was just about to say the same thing,” she says as if it were true.

Kylo meets her gaze and gives a quick nod. “So long as we are on the same page.”

“It’s agreed then, never at the same time,” says Rey.

With an agreement reached, it's back to work on the pipes. This time the comfortable silence they work in leaves Rey bored. Her eyes drift to the scars on Kylo’s forearms, the work he’s doing is making them stand out even more as his skin has darker to a deeper pink. Idly she thinks about the other scars he must have. That how their fight had given him more than a few. Thinking back she counts them, then counts the ones she could see currently. Knowing this much about him, she can’t decide if that was for the better, or for the worse.

With a grunt Kylo finishes tightening the bolts that held a section of pipe in place. “Done,” he said, drawing Rey from her thoughts.

“Good job,” she said flatly then pushes off from the support beam she was leaning against.

“Thanks,” came out with a smile before Kylo wiped his rag over his face again.

Rey gave him a quick nod but then couldn’t help but notice his glasses were a little fogged up. Before she could stop herself or Kylo, Rey reached up and pulled them off. He went still as a board, watching as she pulled out her own clean rag and wiped them.

“Here,” Rey said, giving them back. “Payment for earlier.”

Slowly Kylo reached out and took them, “Thanks,” he said just barely above a whisper.

Watching him put his glasses back on, Rey’s own face became a little warmer. She looked away before he could notice and faked interested in looking at the work that was done. “I don’t like owing people, even for small things,” she says dismissively.

“I can understand that,” replies Kylo, reaching down and picking up the toolbox.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want to see the current updates on how any of the next chapters are going, check out my tumblr - ellensama.tumblr.com I should have some bonus stuff in the future there as well. I really want to draw Rey and Kylo from this fic when I get some time. I also figured out I could replied to comments here, lol. If you leave me one from now, I'll be sure to reply! Thanks again for reading as always!


	7. Let's Be Friends

The small room held just two beds, one Rey slept in, and the other was now for Kylo. She didn’t know who brought his things into the room, just that they would be there by now along with uniforms for him. Like her own bed, Kylo’s items were in a metal trunk at the foot of the small single bed. Rey wondered what was in it as he stood next to her.

“So, who goes first?” he spoke up. 

“You do,” said Rey without looking at him.

“Alright,” Kylo said quietly, then moved towards his trunk.

Walking to her bed, Rey slipped on it and sat on the edge. Reaching down, she tugged on her bootlaces to free her feat. The boots fell, left to lie on the floor as Rey pulled her body to the head of the bed. She looked over and saw Kylo digging around in his trunk. Pulling out some under garments, Rey looked away, not even wanting to know the color or style.

Pointing without looking at a locker next to his bed, Rey spoke. “Uniforms should be in there. They come along with your stuff, or at least that’s how it was for me.”

Not saying a word, Kylo moved to the locker and opens it. Inside he found a row of the same grey uniform he had on currently. Pulling one out, Kylo tossed it on to his bed. 

“What about towels?” he asked.

Pulling her legs to her chest, Rey turned her head and laid her cheek to the tops of her knees. “You’ll find them at the refresher. Just go out, turn left, and walk until you reach the end of the hall. Take another left and it’s the first door on the right.”

Gathering up his clothes, Kylo looks to her. “I won't take long.”

“Take your time,” Rey mutters.

Pausing at the foot of his bed, Kylo asks. “Osira?”

Lifting her head up, Rey raises a questioning brow at him. “What Matt?” 

There is a creeping sensation that slowly starts to climb its way up Rey’s spine. The tendril makes itself known again by glowing a little brighter as Kylo silently stares but doesn’t answer her. When he tried to reach into her mind before, it felt nothing like this. Rey isn’t sure what this is but when Kylo looks away, walking towards the door, the feeling withdraws like a wave.

Pausing by the keypad, he glances over his shoulder. “Its nothing, forget it." 

The door opens and he leaves her alone in the room. Rey stares at the shutting door and doesn’t move for several minutes. Her heart is racing, just slightly, enough to really feel it in her chest beating. Placing a hand over where it rests beneath, she thinks calming thoughts until her pulse is back to normal.

Unsure sure how much time she has, Rey knows it's more than enough to look at Kylo’s things. Getting up she moves to his bed, then to the trunk in only a few short steps. Opening it, there is a pile of clothes, a few datapads, and a long black box with a lock on it. Reaching down, Rey picks it up and looks it over carefully. The lock is a good and strong but she’s had to open worse in the crashed ships on Jakku.

Rushing to her bed, Rey sets it down then goes searching in her own trunk for the tools she needs. Her hands work fast, Rey recognizing many of the mechanics of the lock. It opens with a hiss, Rey lifts the lid slowly and peers inside. There is exactly what she thinks will be. Resting in foam cut to its shape is Kylo Ren’s lightsaber. It looks shabby, bits of the metal casing missing and it’s littered with battle wounds. Rey knows better though, that despite how it looks, it's been proven in battle.

She thinks about picking it up but Rey doesn’t want to risk it, there is the change he could know, somehow. She just wanted to see and know if he was armed, that if Kylo did attack her what it would be with. Closing the box, Rey pulls out her rag and wipes any fingerprints from it. Lifting it, she covers it carefully and puts it exactly back where she found it. Shutting the trunk, Rey rushes back to her bed just in case.

Sitting back where she was before, Rey then digs a datapad she has hidden from under the mattress. Turning it on, she starts to write a brief report back to General Leia. She’ll have to wait until it's safe to send it, but now is a good time to prep her next update. When Rey types in Kylo Ren’s name, she pauses, wondering if she should say anything about what has happened. There is no reason for her to lie but she’s worried they might try and pull her out.

Rey knows she can’t let it happened, that from what she’s seen and dealt with, she can handle Kylo. If things do change later, Rey does have a plan of escape ready. Finishing up, she turns it back off and slips it back into its hiding spot. With that complete, Rey only has free time now until Kylo comes back. Laying her head down on her pillow, she shuts her eyes for a moment.

Jakku is waiting for Rey, its hot sand burning her feet even through her boots. Its high noon and she knows she shouldn’t be outside, not out on the open sand. Spinning around, Rey looks in every direction and see’s nothing. The dunes are all wrong and she feels like she’s a child all over again, missing and lost in the desert wasteland. A ship roars overhead, pulling her attention as it leaves into the sky. A child cries out but Rey snaps awake.

Kylo is standing over her, looking worried with a hand on her shoulder. Rey sits up, crawling back quickly until she hits her head on the wall. “Careful,” Kylo says, reaching out for her again. 

She slaps his hand away and he even has the indecency to look hurt. “Osira, you were dreaming,” he says, pulling away now that he knows not to try and touch her again.

Looking about the room, Rey tries to recall where she is. “Sorry,” she mutters, trying to shake the dream from her mind. 

Moving away, Kylo walks to the locker and puts his other clothes in the bottom. “The refresher is empty, if you wanted to go now.”

Getting up, Rey nods. “I should. We only have one more assignment today, an easy one.”

“Alright,” Kylo says shutting the locker.

Digging in her own trunk, Rey gathers up her clothes then moves to her locker. Opening it, she pulls down a new uniform, stuffing it into her arms. When Rey turns around Kylo is there, holding something in his hand. 

Almost jumping back, Rey’s feet hold firmly to the floor. “W-what?” she asks, looking between his hands and face.

Holding out a plastic bag, Kylo motions for her to take it. “For your hand. Cuts and water don’t mix.”

Slowly she takes it from it, pressing it to her chest with the rest of her items. “Thank you,” Rey says a bit shyly. 

“It's nothing, I just thought of it while I was in there.”

Rey nods and waits for him to move, he takes a moment to get the point but when Kylo does, he’s quick on his feet. She does the same, rushing to the door and out of it so she can hopefully breathe again.

Upon reaching the refresher, Rey finds it is almost empty. There is one other woman cleaning herself but as Rey starts to undress, she looks almost done. They pass one another, Rey going in and her coming out. With the bag on, Rey doesn’t know how to feel but she is partly grateful that her bandage remains dry. It doesn’t take Rey long to wash, hating the idea of all that water falling only to run down into a drain.

When she’s changing into her fresh clothes, her hair is halfway dry already. The length is something she’s still getting use to, there are a few things she likes about it but if Rey is honest with herself, she misses the old length. Brushing it out had been something she did at night, the repetition acting as a balm. Now she barely has to do anything to it, a few passes with a comb was all it really took.

Leaving the refresher, Rey is surprised slightly to find Del-Mara waiting for her. She’s leaning against a wall, arms crossed over her chest. When their eyes meet, the supervisor moves from her spot to Rey.

“A little birdy told me something,” Del-Mara says.

A groan rolls out of Rey, “I handled it, alright.”

“I heard that too.”

“It won’t happen again,” Rey pleads. 

Del-Mara holds up a hand for silence. “I know you did, I only care about one thing Osira. Is he a pass or not.”

“I don’t understand,” she says confused.

“I had a bad feeling about Matt but I wanted to see if he could swim or not. Its up to you, if you think he’s worth keeping around and remain working with you, it’s your call.” 

Rey looks the woman over, suspicious of her words. “That’s not how things work.”

Rolling her eyes, Del-Mara laughs bitterly. “I know that, but I like you Osira. I’m making an exception. I can’t have one of my best workers with a guy who can’t cut it. I need an answer from you.”

Feeling truly torn in half, Rey can’t think what to do or say. She can see how all the different ways it could play out with either choice but she needs more time. “I can I tell you in my report?” she asks. 

When Del-Mara doesn’t reply, Rey knows she’s really thinking about her question. “Fine,” she finally says. “But I want that report before lights out. If I need to arrange him to be on the next transport in the morning, I need time to put in the paperwork by tonight.”

“That’s fair,” Rey agrees. “We have one more job, I’ll know by then.”

“Which way are you leaning?”

A smirk unfolds on Rey’s face. “That’s cheating Del-Mara.”

Laughing suddenly, Del-Mara rolls her eyes. “What a stickler you are.”

“But you like that about me,” Rey says, smiling even more.

Nodding in agreement, Del-Mara starts to walk away but calls back over her shoulder. “Lights out now, don’t forget.”

“I won't,” Rey yells back and watches Del-Mara leave. 

The walk back to her room, no, their room now, doesn’t take Rey long. She stands at the door, unable to open it as her mind turns over what Del-Mara asked of her. Eventually her hand moves, opening the steel door to reveal Kylo sitting on his bed, reading a datapad. He only glances up when she enters and Rey lets the door close but doesn’t move far from it. Too much has happened to her today and this last bit proves to be too much.

“Del-Mara spoke to me in the hall,” she says to Kylo.

He still doesn’t look up, just makes a small sound that he’s heard her. Rey swallows down her fear and speaks again. “She asked me to decided to keep you around or not.”

Kylo’s brows lift first, then his eyes move, then followed by his whole head. He looks at he like he’s afraid, of what she can’t say. “What did you tell her?”

Moving to put her clothes into her locker, Rey can’t look at him. She can feel his gaze, following her. Shutting the locker door, she stands before it. “I said I’ll tell her later, when I give my report before lights out.”

Putting down the datapad, Kylo shifts his body, moving to sit on the edge of the bed. “Why are you telling me this?”

“Because it’s not right,” Rey snaps, turning her head to look at him. “It’s not right for you to not know and I… I wanted to ask you. What you wanted.”

“Me?” Kylo says surprised.

“Yes,” says Rey, she moves around her bed and sits down across from Kylo. “I don’t know why you transferred here Matt, but if you want to leave, this is your chance. I’m here because this is what I’m good at, you need to decide why you are here.”

He shakes his head and rubs a hand across his chin. “Are you asking me to pick for you?”

“I’m asking you to choose for yourself,” Rey explains. “Today is how it’ll be here, some days worse than others but its pretty much all the same, day in and day out. You can do the manual work that’s for sure, but if you think getting mad all the time will work out for you, you should leave. That attitude will get you killed, or worse, someone else.” 

Looking down at his hands, Kylo turns them palm up and fingers curling. “What about you? If I left, who’s going to work with you?”

Sighing, Rey shakes her head. “That doesn’t matter.”

Placing his hands on to his knees, Kylo says firmly, “I want to know.”

“I don’t know. I was working alone before you, I could keep doing that or I’ll get a new replacement partner,” Rey says flatly. “That would depend on what Del-Mara wants to do with me.”

Lifting his head up, Kylo looks at Rey’s wrapped hand. “Alone,” he says low and Rey isn’t sure she was supposed to hear him or not.

Fear is ugly, it makes Rey sick to her stomach but she fights through it. Reaching across the small space between him and her, she puts her hand on top of his. “Matt, why are you here?” Rey asks. 

Kylo looks at her and Rey can feel the tendril light up again, but there is no gathering of the Force to brighten it this time. The creeping feeling is back, moving up her spine, but Rey refuses to shy away from it. She can’t tell if he senses anything from her but he looks deeply into her eyes, enough to frighten her.

“I’m here to work,” Kylo says. “Nothing more.”

Rey has her answer but it feels incomplete. She can hear a question floating around in the back of her head. It whispers over and over until her mouth gives it shape and a voice. “Work on what?”

Kylo rears back, knocking her hand away and looks shaken by her words. The fear is back but this time Rey thinks it’s coming from him. His mouth tries to form words, but he can’t seem to grasp them.

“Tell me Matt,” Rey pushes on, hoping it’ll make him break. 

“ _Myself_ ,” Kylo says suddenly, looking shocked that he spoke at all. “I need to work on myself.”

His confession hits Rey hard and she sits back, looking him over with fresh eyes. Kylo watches her, looking frozen to the spot. Knowing her next words would be important, Rey makes up her mind right there and then.

“Alright,” she says softly. “If that’s why, then I’ll tell Del-Mara to have you stay.”

“Do you want me to?” he whispers.

She can think of a million reasons to say no, Rey hates Kylo Ren, hates him to the bone. The man before her, she isn’t sure anymore, is him. He may share the same name and face, but something has happened since she’s last seen him. Then again, Rey never knew him well. They only met in the woods, then he dug into her mind on a star ship, she saw him kill his own father, and then she gave him a wound to remember her by. Today alone is the most amount of time she’s spent around the man than all their previous history put together.

If Kylo Ren wanted to be Matt, for now she would treat him like he was. Knowing it wasn’t the smartest idea, Rey couldn’t over look the chance for treasure. She already got him to speak somewhat openly, maybe if he kept thinking she was just a worker named Osira she could get more. When the time was right, Rey could let him know she knew who he really was but only if he showed signs he could handle it. Creating a fake friendship with Kylo something Rey knew she had a real chance at doing now. Doing so would be for the people she cared about, the people waiting for her to return. Knowing that, Rey felt she could do anything.

“I do,” Rey said with just a touch of sweetness to her voice. “You’re not so badly actually.”

His cheeks flushed, just a little. Rey could feel this plan of hers might work, so long as she was careful. Being a scavenger through and through, Kylo Ren was nothing more than a ship for her to raid, taking the best bits as her prize. So long as he never found out about who she really was, it could work.


	8. A Well Shaped Ass

Inside a massive dark room, a single beam of light illuminates the giant hologram of Supreme Leader Snoke. The Sith Lord looks down at his General, who in turn, is looking up at him. 

“Where is Ren,” Hux asks.

“He’s away, on a mission,” says Snoke.

“What mission? I wasn’t told about any mission.”

The Sith lord leans down, waving his hand in dismissal. “It’s none of your concern. He is no longer your concern.”

Standing tall and ridged, General Hux frowns even more. “Supreme Leader, I don’t quite understand.”

“Kylo Ren is being tested, if he passes you shall see him again. If not, then… you need not worry about him again.”

“Of course,” says Hux. Giving a short bow, he turns and walks out of the room. Behind him the image of Snoke flickers then vanishes.

 

* * *

 

Rey looks to Kylo who in turn is already looking at her. Having just returned to their room after finishing their work, both have changed into the standard plain sleepwear given to all workers. It’s nothing more than a simple black shirt and grey pants bottom. 

“Do I send it?” Rey asks Kylo.

He shrugs, trying to be aloof but Rey notices that he’s slowly rubbing his hands together. “I gave you my answer. It’s your choice in the end, you’re the one that has to work with me.”

Looking back down at the datapad, Rey thinks it through one last time. She can be rid of Kylo but that idea feels wrong now. Even if he’s sent away, she knows she would see him again. Either on a battlefield or with one of them dead, Rey knows their paths are destined to keep intercrossing. She knows that the Force is guiding them, but for whatever the reason, she does not know. Keeping her strongest enemy close, right where Rey can see him is too tempting to pass on. She sends her report on to Del-Mara.

Setting the datapad down on the small nightstand between the two beds, Rey draws her body up and on to her bed. “There, it's done,” she announces.

Kylo remains sitting on the edge of his bed, fingers now interlocked together. “What now?” he asks, sounding unsure.

Kicking her blankets down, Rey snuggles in between them and the sheets. Normally she sleeps on her left side but that would leave her facing him. Kylo remains looking at her but she’s had enough of his marred face for today. Rolling over, Rey gives him her back. 

“Nothing. Lights out are in a few minutes, not much you can do. I suggest sleeping. Tomorrow I’m sure Del-Mara will bulk up our workload. She’s a tough woman to please and she’ll want to be sure of you.” 

“She would do that?” Kylo asks. 

Wrapping the edges of the blanket further around her body, Rey hums a yes. “My hand should be fine in the morning, you won't have to do it all by yourself this time.”

“Good,” is all Kylo says, their conversation coming to an end.

Rey hears him move, settling down into his own bed finally. Not wanting to know which way he’s facing, she doesn’t turn around despite the nagging curiosity to do so. The lights help her situation by clicking off at their regularly scheduled time. Darkness engulfs and room and Rey can only hear breathing a slow steady rhythm that’s out of sync with one another. 

The day has been stressful enough on Rey, sleep comes easily to her but holds no rest. Her mind refuses to be dreamless with all that has happened in just one day. Images flash by, fast and jumbled. She hears a younger her crying out for a family she can’t remember. The memory twists itself, using her own fear to change it into something far worse. The fleeing ship explodes and an adult Rey watches in horror as it burns. Falling down into the sands beyond the horizon, it does so without a sound.

A roar of a saber hums behind her, sending chills up Rey’s spine as she spins around to see Kylo Ren. In his black robes with his mask on, it’s slashed like the scar on his own real face. Blood weeps from the indent slowly. Lifting his hand, the air vibrates and Rey can’t move. Kylo traps her like before, the Force acting like a glass cage she can not break.

Footsteps approach soft in the sand from behind Rey. She can’t see who it is until they pass into her range of sight. A familiar figure appears to her, Han Solo turns around and smiles at Rey. 

“Hey kid,” he says. 

“H-Han,” Rey manages to say with her jaw locked tight.

He nods, as if agreeing with something she’s thought then turns to face Kylo. “Kiddo,” he says with a sigh, sounding too much like a father who’s had to repeat himself over and over again. “This isn’t the way.”

“You’re dead,” Kylo speaks, his voice deep and distorted but flat and even. “I killed you.” 

The older man laughs and reaches up to rub the back of his own head. “That’s alright, don’t worry about it anymore Ben. Son, you have to stop.” 

Kylo’s hand wavers and the Force lessens enough for Rey to break free in his moment of weakness. She wastes no time moving forward, angry at Kylo for what he’s done to Han. Kylo doesn’t notice her coming, not even when she throws her body at him, knocking him down with a tackle into the sand. His saber gets knocked away and Rey claws at his mask. Finding the latch it hisses open and Rey throws it away. Turning to stare down, she see’s a little boy, one with the same scar as Kylo. He looks up at her with wide youthful eyes, fear painted vividly all over his features.

“Don’t!” he screams, his voice as young as his looks. “Don’t touch me!”

The sand starts to move, slipping down into an opening black hole beneath them. Rey tries to hold on to him, on to anything, but it all slips from her hands. She falls and hits the ground hard, stars dance before her eyes. There is darkness all around her and a white circle of light above. Looking up, Rey stands slowly. She knows this place.

“No,” Rey whispers, her voice rising into a scream. “NO! _NO_! **NO**!!! Not _here_! _Anywhere_ but _here_!”

Scrambling at the smooth walls, her tears form fat and fall fast, rolling in thick streams down her cheeks. There is nowhere to go, the small tube is tall, smooth, and impossible to escape from. She does the same as she did many years ago, sits down and cries. Rey knows this is a dream but time passes, stretching, going on for ages.

Looking at her hands, they have turned old. Touching her face, Rey feels the same has happened to her features. Dirty machine parts sit at her feet, a well used brush waiting for her. A few more fall down from above, she can hear the faint sound of laughter with it. Time marches on and death finally comes. The white light above, the circle she cannot touch, begins to darken. Twilight is falling.

On the opposite wall from her, a light shoots through it. It’s bright, red, and angry. It screams with power, melting the metal until it cuts a hole through it. She watches as the piece cut away falls backwards into blackness. A mask lined with chrome appears.

Kylo Ren steps forth into the dim light but stops at the threshold of the hole he’s made. His head slowly tilts to one side as he stares from behind the black he’s hidden himself in. “What has happened to you scavenger? You’ve grown old.”

“Go away,” Rey whispers, her voice ancient and dry.

“Give me your hand,” says Kylo.

Rey shakes her head, grey hair falling around her shoulders. The bands holding her buns have become too old, breaking and falling away to become sand. Bits of her are doing the same, chunks falling away to become dust.

“Rey!” he shouts, clearly wanting to step through the threshold but unable to. Why he can’t, she does not know. “Give me your hand! _Now_!” 

“No!” she shouts but it dissolves into a dry cough. There is sand coming out of her mouth in wispy fine clouds.

Lowering his saber, Kylo tries to stretch his arm and hand out further to reach her. “Please,” he pleads. “I can help you. I can teach you." 

Reaching down, Rey grabs one of the parts up from the ground but her forearm cracks and breaks apart. She cries out as her hand, still holding the part, falls to the ground. Looking at him, Rey smiles bitterly. Even here, she can see into his mind. It’s easy to, so easy.

“How can you help me when you can’t even help yourself?” Rey says, her voice low and raspy. “You’re the one who needs my help, I don’t need you.”

Kylo doesn’t have an answer for her, he can only try and reach for her across a distance he himself cannot cross.

Above, something rumbles, and Kylo’s attention is pulled away. “Something’s wrong,” he says. 

Rey tries to look around as to what he’s speaking of but too much of her has dissolved into sand to loo that far up. She can still look ahead at him. Can feel him looking back at her, even behind his dreadful mask. Black hands made of pure darkness stretch up from behind Kylo, but he doesn’t seem to notice them. There are too many and Rey opens her mouth to shout but it’s too late. They spring forth, grabbing him, pulling him back into the blackness. He’s gone in a flash, leaving her alone to become nothing.

It’s too much. Rey feels herself break but she doesn’t become one with the sand, instead she changes and becomes something much more. Stepping from the pile that was her, Rey is young and strong again. There’s something warm and solid in her hand, a lightsaber she once borrowed. Stepping through the hole into the darkness, Rey lights the saber, illuminating just around her.

Black hands appear but Rey is quick, cutting them down before they have a chance to grab ahold of her. Pushing on, Rey can not see where she is going but she can feel it. It’s so dark that Rey almost misses him, Kylo being held in the air by the black hands. She runs to him but a wall she cannot see stops her suddenly. His body is shaking and Rey can’t tell from what until he speaks.

“Get… away,” Kylo gasps, choking on air that won't come.

“Awakened one, I know you’re there,” says a voice she doesn’t recognize.

Turning to face it, Rey doesn’t get to see who it is, the dream is swept up in sound and passing images, becoming everything and nothing at once before finally ending. She wakes without any fuss but Rey can feel tears drying on her cheeks. The room is still dark and Kylo is breathing in short quick breaths. They slow, evening out to a steady normal pace. Rey doesn’t dare more, she just listens.

Bed sheets shuffle as Kylo pushes them away. The bed creaks from his weight and its quiet enough that Rey can even hear him run a hand down his face. “Rey,” he whispers so low she almost misses it.

A jolt shoots through Rey, hitting hard like a strike to the gut. It sends her heart racing but she keeps still, keeps silent. When Kylo doesn’t say anything more, Rey is more than sure he must have been just talking to his self. The lights click on, a tone rumbling through the room to signal to wake up. Shutting her eyes, Rey groans and tries to bury her face deeper into her pillow.

“Osira,” Kylo speaks up, now at her. “It’s time to get up.”

Groaning more, Rey moves around, trying to hide under the blankets completely. It’s partly an act but partly not, the last thing Rey wants to do, is get up and face Kylo. Not after he said her name like that, not with her heart still beating so quickly. 

“Osira?” he repeats a little louder.

“I’m up,” Rey says, just loud enough for him to hear. 

A speaker in the ceiling crackles to life, Kylo looks up towards it. The voice of General Hux starts to speak, giving a stern and rousing speech about starting the day right, about working hard for the might of the First Order. Kicking off her blanket, hair a mess, Rey sits up and rubs the sleep from her eyes. She’s use to the morning speeches by Hux and learned to ignore them. Part of her feels sorry for the people who have to stay, that this is their normal regular lives. She gets to leave this all in just three months from now, get to get away from Hux prattling on every morning.

Chancing a look at Kylo, Rey can see his face in profile, still up turned towards the ceiling. His brow is low, tightly pinched with a simmering anger she’s just starting to feel now coming from him. If Rey has to guess, she’s sure Kylo doesn’t normally get to experience this.

“Have to love waking up every morning to General Hux, right?” Rey mutters as she gets out bed.

“Every morning?’ Kylo repeats. His head turns away, looking back to her. 

“Every morning,” Rey says, confirming his fears.

He makes a sound somewhere between a groan and a moan, Rey has to agree she feels the same way. Both slowly move about the room, pulling out their clothes for the day. Rey notices his black hair is sticking out again. She feels bad, just a little bit, that he has to sleep in that horrible wig.

Getting back on her bed, Rey shoves her cold feet under the blankets. “Why don’t you get changed first, you don’t look much of a morning person to me.”

“How observant of you,” Kylo mutters in a dry tone, but he moves anyway, gathering his clothes and walking into the other room.

With time to waste before for her turn to get changed, Rey ponders over her dream. Rey thinks about the parts she can remember but others starts to fade, slipping away before she can burn them into her memory. What mostly ends up remaining is the bone wary feeling of being tired from her emotions being pulled in so many different directions. Hoping to have it settled and neatly packed away before Kylo emerges, Rey fails in understanding what it all meant.

Walking out dressed, Kylo pauses in the doorway. Rey looks to him and thinks he see’s the same tired look on her that she see’s on his face. It’s enough of a sign for her to be sure he had the same dream or at least a proper nightmare of his own. Having never heard of people sharing dreams with one another before, Rey wont dismiss the idea of being possible. Since finding out the Force is real, and what it can do, anything in her mind may be plausible now.

It doesn’t take long for Rey to change, she pulls on her uniform with a quick efficiency. Running a comb through her hair, she styles it to fall straight down around her face. Standing before the mirror, the image of Osira looks back at her. Taking a slow breathe out, Rey meditates until the second bell goes off shortly after.

Leaving together, Rey was grateful Kylo doesn’t seem in a mood to talk, she’s not either. They stop first for breakfast at the mess hall, Rey eats quickly a tray full of what ever they are serving but Kylo just stares at his bowl of grey mush. He pushes it over to Rey after ignoring it for so long its gone cold. She eats it anyway. The only thing he does partake of is a cup of caf, sipping it slowly and visibly hating the bitter taste.

Done with her meal, Rey bumps her knee into Kylo’s. His grip on his cup tightens and he’s quick to look down and glare at where she’s touched him. She waits for him to look back up before speaking.

“I haven’t seen you eat anything yet,” Rey comments.

“I’m not hungry,” Kylo says, his voice perfectly flat. 

“Even after all that work you did yesterday?” she presses. 

He looks away and takes a sip of the now cooling caf. “Not enough to eat this garbage yet.”

“It’s not that bad,” mutters Rey.

“Not that bad,” Kylo starts to say but his voice trails off. Setting down his cup, Kylo turns partly towards her, giving Rey’s body a quick once over with his eyes. “What did they feed you before? Dirt?”

A laugh comes out of Rey, she doesn’t mean to do it but it’s bitter and unstoppable. “Dirt? Yeah,” she chuckles, trying to stop. “Something like that. What about you? Sounds like you ate well on the other base.”

Kylo’s shoulders stiffen as turns back to stare down at what’s left of his caf. “That’s really none of your business,” he says then drains the cup. “I can take care of myself, don’t try and mother me.” 

Rey looks at him, shocked and insulted. “I wont,” she speaks up as he moves to stand.

“Good,” he grunts, then walks away to return his empty cup.

Gathering up her tray and his bowl, Rey follows him. “When you ask me for help next time I’ll be sure to remind you of that fact.”

Setting the cup down, Kylo turns to face her as she sets down what she’s carrying. “You do that,” he snaps.

“I will,” Rey says firmly, giving him a fierce look of sheer determination she’ll keep to her word" 

Turning around away from Kylo, Rey finds Amaza standing behind her a few feet away. “Hey girl,” Amaza says with a smile.

Narrowing her eyes, Rey is a little jealous by how chipper and happy the woman seems already in the morning, she wants her secret. “Morning Amaza,” Rey replies.

“This must be Matt,” Amaza says, turning to look at him. “I saw you yesterday, that’s some arm you got there to do that to Sate.”

“Was that his name?” Kylo asks, his mouth already frowning. “Sate?”

“Yeah that’s him. He’s always causing trouble but no one has broken his arm before,” chuckles Amaza. Turning back to Rey, she looks down at her hand. “How’s that doing? I heard you got cut up outside.”

She holds it up for Amaza to see, only a pink scar that’s sure to fade stretches across Rey’s palm. “I’m fine, the bacta did a good job over night.”

Putting a friendly hand on Rey’s shoulder, Amaza squeezes it. “Take care of yourself now, no more trips to the clinic now, ok?”

“It’s only been a few times,” Rey mumbles, her cheeks turning a little flushed. 

Amaza gives Rey a knowing smile then laughs, it's warm and honest. “I have to give it to you, you learn fast. Let’s just hope Matt here can do the same.”

“You peeked at the work sheets, didn’t you?” Rey accuses of her.

Nodding, Amaza’s full hair bounces with the motion. “Damn straight I did, Del-Mara has you on double duty. Have funk with that kids.”

Lifting her hands to her face, Rey sighs into her hands. “Kriff,” she groans.

Kylo looks between the two of them, looking lost as to what is going on. “Double duty?” he says, injecting himself into the conversation.

Amaza looks him over with an admiring eye, Kylo bristles slightly under it. “You’ll see soon enough, don’t worry new boy, Osira here will look after you and your well shaped ass.”

Rey groans again, this time louder. “Can you please stop talking about asses? Its far too early for it.”

The other woman makes an tsking sound between her teeth. “It’s never too early for that. Come on, tell me you haven’t look at that yet,” she says and motions her hand at Kylo’s rear.

“You know I’m standing right here,” Kylo snaps, his face turning red. 

Looking him over again, Amaza smiles like she’s see everything under Kylo’s uniform. “Oh I know you are, just keep doing that.”

Reaching out, Kylo grabs Rey by the arm. “Work to do, have to go,” he says quickly, wasting no time dragging Rey away before she can protest.

Amaza tilts her head and watches them leave, “I hate to see you two go but you _paint_ such a _pretty sight_ ,” she calls out to both of them.

Out in the hall, Kylo lets go of Rey and paces back and forth a bit in place. “Who was _that_?!” he barks, hand pointing back the way they came.

Rey really wants to go back to bed but she just starts to drift away, walking in the direction of the dispatch desk. “That’s Amaza, she does that.”

“Is this some sort of _hazing_?” he asks, sounding very upset.

Shaking her head, Rey laughs. “No, she does that to everyone. Just, ignore it.” 

“So have you looked?” 

Stopping in the hallway, Rey hopes Kylo isn’t asking what he’s asking. She turns back to look at him. “Looked at what?”

“My ass!” he shouts.

A man walking by slows and then stares for a moment before rushing off, snickering. Rey sends the man a dark glare then looks back to Kylo. Crossing her arms over her chest, Rey is already tired of his voice. “Are you asking me if I have seriously checked out your ass?”

“Yes,” Kylo says, his face looking completely serious.

Pinching the bridge of her nose, Rey turns and walks away without a word. Kylo watches her go then rushes to catch up. “Have you?” he prods on.

“ _No_!” Rey finally shouts. “No I have not looked at your well shaped ass _Matt_!”

“But you know it’s well shaped.” 

Letting out the loudest groan she can produce, it’s the only thing Rey can do not to outright scream. “Just shut up! Shut the _kriff_ up!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Serious plot is serious, crack plot is well, crack. Also sorry, I love me my dream tropes.


	9. A Feeling Without A Name

A paper slides across the dispatch countertop towards Rey. Picking it up she looks it over. “This isn’t right.”

“No, it’s right,” says the man behind the counter. 

Rey squints at him. “Are you sure?” she asks.

Something heavy crashes, stealing the man’s attention away for a moment. When he turns back to her, he’s smiling but it holds no warmth. “Trust me, it’s right. Del-Mara herself made sure I knew for you to get it.” 

Another clattering of something falling ends the conversation. The dispatch worker walks off shouting, “Hey would you be careful with _that_!”

Lifting the paper up, Rey presses it to her face and groans. “That bad?” Kylo huffs from behind her.

“Yes,” she mutters, lowering the sheet to look at it again. “I hate you by the way.”

“What did I do?” he asks demandingly.

“Exist,” she sighs.

At the supply room, the two of them pick up their newly restocked toolbox. The woman there has a knowing smile as well, much like the man at the dispatch desk. Rey gets the feeling that Del-Mara had an early morning. When the toolbox is set out on to the counter top, Kylo moves to take it. He immediately notices it’s larger than yesterday’s.

Opening it, Kylo see’s it's filled to the brim with tools. “We need all this?” he asks.

The woman behind the counter nods at him, “That’s what was put in for you, that’s what you get. Looks to me like you two have a full day ahead of yourselves.”

“What about the parts, some of this I,” Rey starts to say but her voice drops away, motioning to the sheet she’s put on the counter top.

Glancing at it and then to Rey, the woman then says, “You’ll have to come back between jobs, a lot of the stuff on here is too large of an order to take with all at once. This one here,” she says and points to a line on the paper at the bottom. “You’ll have to go to another supply room for this.”

“Another? Why?” asks Rey.

“We don’t store items that large here,” she explains. “You’ll have to go to the one in section eight.”

Blood drains from Rey’s face. “But eight is still under construction. How big do you mean by big?”

Looking Rey, the woman then lifts her arms up, making a large circle above herself. “This big.”

“We can’t carry that!” Rey shouts angrily.

She shrugs, “Maybe if you ask nicely they’ll give you a cart. Most people who pick up from there have papers for a transport platform.”

“ _Fine_ ,” Rey snaps. “Just give me the parts for the first order on the list.”

“No need to yell at me, I just hand out what I’m told to,” the supply woman says, looking unhappy by Rey’s tone.

Turning to Kylo who looks to be struggling a bit to hold the new heavier toolbox, Rey growls at him. “I _really_ hate you.” 

“I heard you the first time,” he mumbles with a frown.

Before Rey can unleash her sharp retort onto him, the supply woman sets a box down on the counter. “Here this is for the first order, I’ll have the next one ready when you’re done,” she says as she pushes it across to her. 

Moving to take it, Rey gets her hands around it and lifts with a grunt. “Come on,” she grumbles at Kylo.

The first job leads them into a dark and cramped passageway. It’s so small that the walls brush Rey’s shoulders just walking along it. Kylo has to turn his wider body to the side, shuffling along to be able to follow her. Pipes lined with a variety of colors run above them, Rey follows the trail of one with a green stripe. The passageway bulges into a small space after some time that they both can just barely stand in together.

At the edge of where the passage narrows and continues on again, Rey sets down the box. Kylo does the same with the toolbox, placing it behind him in the direction they just came from. He watches as Rey looks up to where the pipe she’s been following runs up into a larger open pipe. It’s high above, in a vertical passage that stretch’s many floors up until it’s too dark to see where it actually ends. 

“We have to go up there?” Kylo asks.

“Not we, me,” says Rey who moves to undo her orange vest. 

Slipping it off, she sets it down carefully on the floor. Reaching into a pocket, she pulls out a pair of gloves, tugging them on. Next comes a small flashlight that she pockets before moving to speak to Kylo. “You’ll stay down here to pass up what I need. You wouldn’t fit up there anyways, you’re too large.”

“Lucky me,” he chuckles humorlessly. 

Rey waves for Kylo to move, he steps out of the way and she bends down to the toolbox. Digging around with in it, she finds a small bundle of rope that is stuffed into her back pocket. Having what she needs, Rey shut the box and turned her gaze once more upwards.

Kylo follows her line of sight as well. “How are you going to get up there?” he asks. “It has to at least be five meters up.”

Rey flashes Kylo a quick smile. “You’ll see,” she says, then walks to the wall with the pipes leading up.

Grabbing a hold of one, Rey heaves her body up and plants her feet flat to the wall. With years of practice she ascends with an effortless grace that Rey has mastered from years of scavenging. With one final pull, she lifts herself up into the hole and sits on the edge. Looking down to Kylo who’s staring up at her, he looks somewhat impressed.

“Wow,” he mouths silently, then calls up to her, “You’ve done this before.”

“Once or twice,” Rey says before fishing out her flashlight. “I’m going to go take a look, be just a minute. Try not to break anything.” 

“I’ll try,” says Kylo. Rey moves, vanishing from his line of sight.

Crawling deeper into the hole, Rey’s flashlight illuminates the way. There are other smaller holes on the sides she can see, leading pipes in and along the one she’s crawling in. More join, making the already small space tighter but Rey can still fit all the way to the end. She slips into a small round room that’s mostly filled with pipes. Inside at the far wall is a large box that all the pipes lead into before ascending upward.

Disengaging the lock on the box, Rey opens the door on the front and looks inside. What should be neat and orderly is actually a mess of wires. Turning her flashlight down, she notices a few crumbs of bread sitting on the edge of the inside. Dragging one of her fingers along, she picks up a piece and glares at it.

“Kriffing Mardos,” Rey mutters then shakes the crumb away.

Looking at the mess over again, she begins to plot how to fix it, and how to carefully hide a few weaknesses that can be exploited later. With all the extra work to be done today, more chances like this could come about. Hope springs refreshed within Rey, it leaves her feeling lighter and in a much better mood. With having seen enough, she moves away and crawls back through the pipe. 

“You’re back,” speaks up Kylo when he notices her reappear again. 

“I’m going to lower the rope down. There should be a small bag in the toolbox, take the parts from the box and put them in it. I can lift them up from here,” she instructs.

“Whatever you say boss,” he mutters and Rey isn’t sure she likes him having what could almost be considered a nickname for her.

Working together, everything is lifted up in a few loads. Rey would tie the end of the rope to a pipe, then crawl her way into the other area at the end to store it. When it came to lifting the tools she need, that became a whole other issue.

“No, not that one, no not that one either,” groaned Rey as she tried to point Kylo to the right tool.

He looked up and held up two more, “These?” he asked, looking to be at the edge of no longer being calm.

“Yes, the one on the right, no you’re other right,” she says, motioning with her hand.

Placing it into the bag, Kylo craned his head back. “Is that it?”

“I think so,” she nods and then begins to pull up the rope.

“What do I do now?”

Grabbing the bag, Rey lifts it over the lip of the pipe. “You wait,” she calls out, her voice echoing off the walls.

Moving away Rey could hear him grumbling but she didn’t have time to listen. Slipping out at the end, she sets to work laying everything out. Tools are on one side, the parts stacked on her other. Working quickly, she begins to pull pieces out and carefully remove wires that had been poorly installed. In the end Rey guts most of it, easier for her to keep track of what needs to be replaced and what just needs to be put back.

Reaching about halfway done, parts littered about her, Rey hears a grunt echo down the pipe. Putting the tool in her hand down, she leans back and sees a shadow at the other end of the pipe.

“What are you doing?” shouts Rey.

Kylo yanked himself up, cramming his body into the tight space. He barely fits and it leaves his legs pressed up to his body. “I was bored,” he grunts, pulling on one of his legs into a better position.

“I’m so sorry for you but some of us have to work,” Rey says with a scowl. 

Turning back to her work she tugs on a circuit board hard, pulling it out and tossing it aside. One corner of it was black, overloaded and now just trash. More shuffling and grunting come from Kylo, Rey continues to do her best to ignore him.

“I think I can fit,” he says, his voice strained with some effort.

Giving in, she looks back over her shoulder and is just in time to see Kylo pull his body out of the pipe into the small room. “Great, welcome,” comes out of her with a thick layer of sarcasm.

“So, this is what’s it's like down here,” he whispers, tilting his head back to look upwards.

She shakes hers and then reaches down for the new board by her feet. “Why did you come up here, you should've just waited down below.”

“I told you why,” says Kylo. Rey hears him walk about in the small space, still looking about. “I also thought you were suppose to teach me.”

Slipping in the new board, she pushes it down to click into place. “I don’t have time to right now. If you want to watch, fine, but I won't be able to slow down.”

His footsteps are light as they come towards her, the opposite of how he normally goes storming about. “I won't get in the way, but I will watch,” he says, bending down to look just over her shoulder.

The work is the only thing that keeps Rey grounded with him now at her back. Even if he wasn’t Kylo Ren, she’s never had someone so close before, watching her work like this. Keeping to his word he remains silent and doesn’t make a move to come any closer. Working just a little faster, now with him watching, Rey can only do a few of the extra changes she wanted to do. Connecting some wires to the wrong ports, running a few extra connections between boards, she’s able to leave a backdoor of sorts. It’ll have to be good enough for now.

Setting down the tool in her hand, Rey sits back on her heels. “First one is done.” 

A hand comes around, holding up a chunk of stale bread. “What’s this doing here?” Kylo asks.

There is a part of Rey vastly upset at food having been wasted. She looks at the bit in Kylo’s hand and frowns deeply. “That’s Mardos’ leftovers,” she explains, a bitter taste in her mouth.

Letting it fall to the floor, Kylo kicks it away. “I’m assuming they are not someone you hold in high regards.”

“Hardly,” she scoffs and moves to stand. Brushing off some dust from her pants, Rey shuts and locks the box’s door. “I’ve only met him once but that was enough. The rest, just stores people have passed around at meals.”

“What stories?” he asks.

Rey turns to look at him, something in his tone of voice catching her attention. “His brother is a commander, maybe, I don’t know but he’s able to get food from somewhere else. He carries in his pockets sometimes, eating while he creates messes like this. Its…”

“Disgusting?” Kylo finishes for her.

They stare at one another and Rey is unable to look away. She searches his gaze for something and feels something there but can’t give it a name. “Yes it is,” Rey whispers.

Kylo doesn’t move, barely seems to breathe but his voice ensnares Rey even further. “You don’t like being wasteful, do you?”

For a moment she wonders if he’s using the Force, but it’s not that, Rey would feel it if he was. This was something else. Turning away, she breaks the spell if she dares to call it that. Bending down, she starts to gather the tools she’s used together.

“No I don’t,” Rey says firmly. “I won’t waste time either, head back down so I can lower everything to you.”

There’s something more Kylo wants to say, Rey can almost taste it on the air, but he turns away and leaves back through the pipe without a word. She doesn’t watch him go, just keeps to the work at hand. It’s easier that way, work is something she doesn’t need to read into its true intentions or what the looks it gives her really mean.

Each job becomes increasingly harder than the last. Deeper they go into the guts of the base, the walls close so together that even Rey feels a fluttering of panic from time to time. Kylo never protests so she doesn’t either. Words that are exchanged are straight to the point but they fall into what she might even think is a comfortable rhythm. He proves himself slowly to her, that he is a hard worker. Even if he’s stopped voicing his disdain for now, Kylo’s face is an open book to his emotions. Frowning and scowling is the most common looks her wears.

The second to last job is completed and exhaustion washes over both of them. Rey’s hands and arms are tired but she notices even Kylo’s hands tremble slightly when he reaches down to lift the toolbox. They had skipped lunch for the sake of making progress in crossing off lines on their work sheet. She can feel it now they are paying the price for it. Dragging her feet along, they walk together to the supply room again for what felt like the hundredth time. After so many trips, Rey now knows everyone’s name that works there.

Pentra, the woman who mostly runs the counter, tells her when she arrives that Rey has to go to the other supply room. “You’ll need this,” Pentra says, sliding a small paper to Rey.

Grabbing it, she looks it over and see’s it’s a work permit to be out past lights out. “Great,” Rey hisses while stuffing the permit into a pocket and then turns to leave.

“How bad is it?” Kylo asks when they are alone in a hall.

“Bad,” she says. “We’re not going there first.”

“We’re not?”

Rey looks at him over her shoulder and leads on towards the mess hall, “We’re eating first.”

It’s near the end of the workday and only a few people are in the room when they arrive. Rey with just a stare, herds Kylo into get a tray as full as hers. The meal goes the same as all their previous ones, she inhales her food and he just glares at it.

“Eat it,” Rey says with no room to be argued with in her voice. 

Kylo shakes his head, pushing the tray away, “I rather not.”

“You won't be getting anything else, so eat it,” she says snippily. Reaching over, Rey pushes it back in front of him. “You’ll need your strength.”

Turning in his seat, Kylo faces towards her. “What is this job Osira? What aren’t you telling me?”

Reaching into her pocket, Rey pulls the sheet out and unfolds it for him to see. Lying out on the table she points at the bottom. “Normally this is given to a team. I’ve never been in this area it’s marked in but it’s near where section eight is finished being built. Bluntly, it's just laying pipe.”

His eyes narrow, not understanding fully the situation. “How is that any different from some of the work we’ve done?”

“That was just repairing, its all been repairing, but this is building. I’m not even sure how we’ll be able to lift the pipes into place,” Rey says looking slightly defeated already. 

Turning away to face the table, Kylo picks up his fork and looks at his food. “I’m going to have to eat this slop, aren’t I?”

“The quicker you eat it, the less you’ll taste it,” Rey says sagely. 

Taking a hesitant bite, he looks ready to vomit but Kylo refuses to let the meal get the better of him. With Rey watching, he cleans his plate methodically. When he finishes and before he can move, Rey takes his empty tray, stacking it on top of hers. He watches her walk away with a questioning stare that only intensifies when she returns shortly with a chocolate muffin.

“Here,” Rey says, placing it down in front of him. “For today.”

Kylo picks it up, looking at it like it might poison him. “Today?” he asks. 

She sits back down and nods at him. “You did good,” says Rey calmly. “That and the muffin will help with the bad taste I’m sure is lingering.”

Despite how pale his face becomes, Kylo hands begin peeling off the muffin wrapper. “Lingering is a good word for it.”

She laughs low, too tired to try and remind herself of who he really is. Right now they are just two tired individuals, nothing more. Having some free time still until they need to leave, Rey curls her arms on to the table. Lowering her head down, she shuts her eyes and just tries to rest, hovering at the edge of sleep that she wishes she could slip into.

A laugh jolts her awake later, or at least drawing her out of the deep rest she was hovering in. Turning her head to look at the next table, she sees two men nudge one another and point to her and Kylo. Looking up next to her, she finds him dozing too, still sitting up but the empty muffin wrapper is on the table before him. It strikes her how normal he looks, shoulders slumped, mouth open slightly as he breathes. It’s easy for her to forget that this man, when cut, can bleed just like her. The thought doesn’t bring her any comfort. Wanting a bit of pain to sober herself up, Rey gets up and puts a hand on Kylo’s shoulder. 

He wakes with a jerk, looking around quickly until his gaze settles on her. “Time to go,” she says softly.

Catching the gaze of the two whispering men, Rey stares at them until they fall into silence. Rey pulls her hand away from Kylo. He stands and shakes his head a bit, trying to rouse himself fully. 

“I’m good,” he mutters when she gives him a questioning looking.

The other supply room is large. Rey can see rows and rows of piping, support beams, and anything else that could be needed to build anything really. The men and women at the counter are dressed in much sharper looking uniforms, a few look towards them with a hint of a sneer. Rey can feel herself bristle from being under it. She approaches what she’s thinks is the nicest looking person there, a slightly older man whose hair has begun to grey.

“I need to pick up the parts for this order,” Rey says, slipping him the paper.

He takes it from her, looks it over, and then up and behind them. “Where is your transport platform?” he asks. 

She tries to smile but it comes out all awkward and wrong. “We don’t have one. If you have one I could borrow, I would appreciate it greatly.”

The man’s eyes narrow at her but it's clear he’s thinking about it. “I don’t have one at the moment but there is a broken one we have in back. The wheels work, just not the assist motor. You’ll have to push it by hand.” 

“I’ll take it,” says Rey happily. “It’ll be better than carrying it by hand.

“Carrying it by? Oh, oh dear,” the man mutters. “I see now. Just, wait here. I’ll have a droid bring it.”

Kylo and her wait and then watch as a shinny chrome droid pushes a flat cart out through a large doorway to them. “Please wait here, your supplies will arrive in just a moment,” says a feminine voice.

The droid waits with them and above a track starts to move. Sliding along the ceiling, a large metal arm glides out from the supply room. In its metal claw it has four large pipes, which is sets down on the cart. The cart groans from the weight of its new load but it holds.

“Thank you for waiting,” says the droid before giving a quick bow and shuffling back the way it came.

From the way Kylo isn’t saying anything yet, Rey feels the same way, dread. She walks around the cart seeing there is a handle on either side for pushing. Putting her hands on one, she looks to Kylo who’s just staring at the pipes.

“Ready for this?” she asks him.

“No,” he says. “But I don’t have a choice in the matter do I?”

Leaning her forearms down on the handle, Rey turns her hands up. “You always have a choice. It’s the results of what you pick that you have to live with.”

Kylo remains standing where he is, looking more torn on the matter than he should be. It’s easy for Rey to see now there is something more going on in his head. The reason why he wears a mask makes all the more sense to her now.

“What would happen if I decided to just walk away?” he asks.

“I would continue on without you,” Rey states as matter of fact.

“Alone?”

Rey nods her head. “Yes, because that’s what I’ve decided.” 

Walking over, he takes up the spot behind the other set of handles. Putting his hands on them, Kylo looks over to her. A hint of a smile is trying to work its self on to his face but it refuses to fully form.

“I think I have too,” he says. 

“Good,” Rey replies back, smiling when he cannot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if this chapter is a little weak, the next one will make up for it.


	10. Don’t Give Me Reasons To Like You

Together Rey and Kylo pushed the heavy cart forward. Each step taken was hard-won, the slick floors giving almost no traction to push off of. The first steps had been the hardest, both of them slipping at one point before scrambling to get back up. Rey almost laughed at Kylo, he had been the first to go down. Only minutes later her own boots suddenly lost their traction and down she went too. Toppling over face first, Rey hit the floor hard. Kylo had been a better sport about it than her, he’d asked Rey if she was ok when he saw her fall. Both now sported matching red bruises, Rey’s on her cheek and Kylo’s on his chin.

The worst part about pushing had to be how much she was sweating from the effort. It clung to her skin and soaked into her uniform, hindering the cloth’s ability to breathe properly. She longed for the lightweight linens she wore often on Jakku. Even on the hottest days her sweat never collected this badly. Between her legs Rey could feel the sweat causing her skin to chafe, each step brought with it a sharp biting sting.

Kylo appeared to be in the same state as her, tired and coated in a heavy layer of sweat. At the edge of his nose rested his glasses. To keep them from completely falling off, from time to time he would tip is head back, forcing them to return to where they should be. It would only take a few minutes later for his frames to slip right back down again. Feeling grateful she didn’t have the same issue with her own glasses, the thicker frames Rey wore held firmly in place.

In a slow wide turn, the cart rounded a corner and they moved into the last hall they would pass through. At the end was a large room with an equally large open doorway. Through it small groups of workers exited, clearly leaving for the day and quietly chatting among themselves. Most ignored the two, a few gave pitying looks, but no one said a word to them as they walked by. When the cart reached the threshold, Rey could see the room was now empty minus one man with a datapad. He looked up from imputing something when they approached.

“Oh, I was expecting you two,” he spoke while walking towards them.

“Here’s good,” grunted Rey.

They both brought the heavy load to a stop. Stretching her fingers out, Rey felt all of her joints protest but she pushed and forced them to open. Before she addressed the other man, Rey looked to Kylo, checking if he was all right. He was leaning over his handle with a rag out, pressing it to his face as he tried to mop up his sweat. Knowing it was a good idea Rey did the same.

“I was informed two workers would be helping out on one of the night shifts. Looks like it's you two, right?” asked the man with the datapad, Rey was sure he’s the Foreman for the section they were in.

Reaching into her pocket, she fished out the permit and handed it over. “Yes, that’s us. Will another shift be coming in later?”

Taking the paper, he looked it over first and then handed it back. “No, we’re almost done here so it’s only the day shift that works now. Section nine and ten are the ones running on both. I’m a bit shocked Del-Mara put in the request for this but hey, I just make sure things are done. Just clean up and turn off the lights when you’re done, I don’t want to find a mess in the morning.”

Lifting a hand, the Foreman points over to a wall. “Control panel is over there. A comlink too just in case you get into any trouble.”

Rey tries to smile but her body is too tired to waste the extra energy she still needs to save. “We should be fine. Thank you.”

The Foreman smiles back then glances at their cart. “Wait a second, how are you two lifting those?”

“I haven’t thought of that yet,” she says with a shrug.

“I can’t have that. Look, if you go into the storage room over there,” he says pointing the way. “You’ll find some chains and pulleys. If you use those, you should be fine. You _do_ know how to use them, right?”

Waving the Foreman off, Rey nods. “Yes, yes. I know how. Thank you again but I think my work partner and I would like to get this started so we can finish as quickly as we can.”

“I can understand that,” he says with a chuckle then looks over to Kylo. The two exchange a silent look before he excuses himself and leaves out the doorway.

When Rey can’t see the Foreman anymore, she lets herself slip down on to the floor. Lying on her back, she stares up at the lights above. “Just give me a few minutes,” she says to Kylo.

There’s still a bit of space on the edge of the cart, Kylo walks around to Rey’s side and sits down on it. Taking his glasses off, they hang freely between his fingers. Resting his arms on his legs, Kylo sits hunched over. 

“What was that paper?” he asks. 

Rey turns her head to look at him. “It’s a permit for working after lights out. If you don’t have one, and you get caught, I heard you get a pretty harsh punishment.”

Pressing his rag once more to his face, Kylo sweeps it along his jaw. “Have you ever been out without one?”

“Me?” she says surprised by his question. “Why do you ask? You want to go sneak somewhere you shouldn’t be?” 

Slipping his glasses back on, he shakes his head. “No, just curious. You don’t seem like one who likes to breaks the rules to me.”

With her back cooled enough, Rey moves to now sit upright. “What makes you say that? I could have for all you know.”

“It’s just a feeling,” he says standing slowly. “If you did, I would guess it would be for a good reason. One you thought was good anyways.”

Lifting her chin up, she looks at him disappointed he thinks that of her. “I could be an excellent rule breaker for all you know, I just prefer not to get caught.”

A soft huff comes from him, “Right,” he says drily.

Leaving the cart, Rey leads Kylo over to where they will be working. One wall of the room is open, with the paneling missing it leaves it fully exposed. Inside it Rey can see where work has been coming near its end. Most spaces are full of new pipes and support beams. The section for them to work on is clear enough, it being the only empty space left.

Pointing up, she motions along the path they will be filling in. “We’ll be connecting these two ends together. You can see the caps on the smaller pipes that will be installed in after. Del-Mara at least spared us doing that as well, if we had to run wire too, we’d be here all night.”

Putting her hands on her hips, Rey chews on her own lips, deep in thought. “I think we should get the chains and pulleys ready first before bringing the cart over.”

“Sounds straightforward enough for me,” Kylo says agreeing. 

“It is,” replies Rey. “We’ll also need a few locking hooks to hold the chain in place.”

He nods once then looks over to her. “You look for where to hang the pulleys, I’ll get what we need.”

A soft laugh comes from her before looks at Kylo. “You sound ready to work,” she says with a smile.

There’s a twitch in the corner of his mouth before he looks away to stare ahead at the open wall. “So what if I am?”

She shrugs while slipping her hands into her pockets. “If you are, you won't hear any complaints from me. Can I tell you something Matt?”

Kylo lets out an agreeing hum. “What is it?”

The smile Rey has been wearing slips away, its over come by a stern look of determination. “I like Del-Mara, she’s a good woman to work under but this was too much. I still want to do this, finish this job and stick it to her, but you have to know this won't be the end of it. If we take what she gives out, she’ll just give more.”

“And you’re point?” he asks, now looking at her.

“My point is,” Rey begins to say. “This is a test but I’m starting to doubt it’s just because she doesn’t trust you. I believe her when she says she doesn’t care about you lying on your transfer papers but there’s something more here. I could be the one being tested, not you.”

Kylo’s face copies Rey’s own stern look. “Why would you be tested? Is there something you need to tell me?”

Unable to hold his gaze, she looks away. “No, if there was, it wouldn’t be any of your business. I’m sure we’ll find out later, whatever the reason is. Let’s stick to one problem at a time, this one needs to be solved first.”

“For someone so plain, you act like you have too many secrets to hide,” he mutters with a frown.

She fights the urge to look at him, a battle that Rey loses when she can feel his gaze unwavering from her. Relenting, she looks and finds his normally expressive face lacking any emotion. Instead of shaking her, Rey feels herself wanting to fight back against him.

“Every woman has her secrets and every man wants to know them,” she says, her tone challenging him.

His empty eyes become alive and sharp, focused completely on her. “I’m good at finding secrets,” he says a little too eagerly for her liking.

She feels Kylo’s mind reaches out for hers but he’s unable to touch it still. He flows over and around her, but never through. Touching her wrist, Rey remains still as Kylo tries to uselessly probe her. Unlike the first time back in the integration room, he still hasn’t tried yet to bluntly force his way in. If he did try, Rey can’t be completely sure the bracelet could stop him or not. Watching carefully, she see’s when he gives up, losing the hard edge of his focus before she feels him withdraw.

“Not good enough for mine,” Rey says and enjoys the hint of irritation radiating off of him.

“We’ll see about that,” Kylo mutters before walking away towards the supply room.

Their conversation should shake her to the core, fear of being discovered holding her in a tight choking grip. Waiting for it to rise up within her, it never comes. Rey thinks on how she may be just too tired, that her body can’t even spare any extra energy to feel fear at the moment. It’s enough to move her, rest just as important as food and water in her mind and will only happen once their work is done.

Pulling out a pair of gloves from her vest, Rey slips them on. Walking over to the wall, she works her way inside begins to search where to hang the pulleys. The pipe they’ll be putting it will be going above another, walking along the top of it she can see above support beam running in parallel. Following the beam’s path, Rey finds one of the vertical beams it connects to. The welded joints look good and strong to her but she checks the other end just to be sure.

There’s a pile of chains, two pulleys, and a small pile of locking hooks waiting when Rey crawls back out. Reaching down she gathers one length and picks up a pulley. Motioning with her chin, she points for Kylo to do the same. “There is a beam we can hang these off with, grab those and I’ll show you.”

He does so without a word, lifting the chain to hang off his shoulder like one she's holding. The second pulley hangs from his other hand. Following her in, Rey shows Kylo first where for him to hang his and then walks to the other end to set up her own. It takes a few throws but Rey gets hers over, Kylo makes it in one shot but she feels him using a trickle of the Force to do it.

“Hook it off at about six lengths from the bottom of the beam,” she calls out to him, Kylo shouts back that’s he’s heard.

Hooking the pulley is easy with the locking hooks she pushes through the holes of the chain. Screwing it locked, Rey gives it a good yank just makes sure it’s on correctly. Leaving her side, she walks go check on Kylo’s whose own side does match hers correctly.

“I’ll stay up here, go get the other chains,” Rey says directing him.

It takes a few trips, but there are two spots to run a line on the pulleys, Rey decides to use both just to be safe. Its easy to loop the chain through and toss the ends back down to Kylo. He lays them out straight in neat lines. After double checking their work, Rey then crawls back out. With her feet on the floor, she wastes no time heading towards the cart, Kylo is quick to fall into step behind her.

“We’ll have to move the pulleys after each pipe,” Rey starts to explain. “The cart we should bring over closely as we can, to make unloading easier. The hard part is how we are going to lock them into place.”

“How do they lock in place?” he asks, moving to one end of the cart while Rey walks to the other. 

Taking up her spot at one handle, Kylo takes up the other. Rey’s hands curl in tightly, making her gloves creak from the pressure. “I told you this was handled by a team but if it's only you and I, one will have to hold the chains and the other lock the pipe in. You have to turn it to engage the mechanical locks. Once you hear them click, it’s done.”

She can see him thinking deeply by how low his brows dip and by the thinning of his lips. Kylo’s eyes flicker back and forth, looking at the pulleys, and then looking at the empty space for the pipes. His attention makes it’s way back to her.

“Can you hook the chains to the cart?” he asks.

Looking down Rey can see the wheels each have their own lock. “That should work, the weight can hold one end up while we lift the next.” 

Having to push the cart again, it brings with it a fresh new wave of pain and aches. Rey’s muscles groan and shake but they don’t falter. It’s slow going again but they position the cart in front of the first section. Leaving just enough space, they’ll be able to roll one pipe off on to the floor when they are ready. The chain is moved into position and together they rolled the first one off. The pipe hit the floor with a heavy thud. Looping the chain around, Rey and Kylo both slipped on a hook and tightened the lock into place.

“You’ll want gloves on for this,” Rey speaks up and points to Kylo’s bare hands.

Searching the pockets of his vest, it takes him a few tries but Kylo finds his own pair and pulls them on. They both take up a position at the end of one chain. Picking it up, Rey holds her end then looked to Kylo who is looping his around his hand.

“Matt, don’t do that,” she says, drawing his attention to her. Rey lifts up her chain and shows him how she’s doing it. “Just hold it. If something goes wrong, you’ll go with it that way.”

He looks surprised but Kylo quickly unwraps the chain. There is a slight flush that comes to his cheeks that doesn’t go unnoticed by Rey. She finds it interesting that he seemly cares just enough to feel embarrassed by his rookie mistake.

“Let’s pull on three,” Rey says and then waits for him to nod that he’s ready.

Together they lift the pipe. Rey counts out each pull. On every three the pipe moves a little higher. Even with the pulley’s it’s hard and slow going but the first pipe does reach the height they need it at.

Tightening her grip just a little more, Rey glances over to Kylo. “Lock it off on the cart, your arms are longer so you go turn the pipe.”

“I’m on it,” he replies, moving quickly to do so.

Walking his end to the cart, Kylo locks it off quickly and even Rey is a little impressed by how fast he pulls himself up into the wall. Taking a hold of one end of the pipe, he moves it forward to set the other end into place. It slides in and the first lock clicks. Moving under the pipe, Kylo has to hunch down but he’s got a good amount of standing room even with his height. Setting his feet into a sturdy footing, Kylo reaches up and hugs the pipe.

“Which way?” he calls down to her.

“To your right, pull hard as you can,” she shouts back.

Taking a few deep breathes in, Kylo pulls and the pipe rotates slowly. Rey watches as he bares his clenched teeth and his skin flushes to a bright red. The locks click and he lets go, breathing out hard and loud. A tremor runs through his legs large enough for Rey to see before Kylo slips down onto a knee.

“Are you alright?” she calls up to him.

Putting his hands on his thighs, Kylo pushes and forces his body to stand. “I’m fine,” he grunts. “It's just kriffing heavy.”

A smile Rey can’t really stop pinches at her cheeks. “One down, three to go.”

The next two pipes are installed the same way but by the time they reach the last, Rey can see they are both at their limit. It’s late and she knows it's far past lights out now. Normally Rey can hear some distant shuffling or idle chat of people passing but the base is eerily quiet. Sitting down on the cart, they both take a break to gather what strength they can to be able to finish. 

It’s only been a short amount of time since Rey has been around Kylo. Her mind still reels at the strange situation she’s found herself. Despite the hate she feels for him, there’s a growing sense of respect. It’s a feeling she’ll allow herself to have. You can respect an enemy and still hate them.

Looking over towards him, she finds him staring up at the last spot. “Think you can make it through one more?” Rey asks.

“I can,” Kylo says then turns to look at her. “What about you?”

Rolling her shoulders, Rey winces as one pops. “It’s going to be tricky but I’m in.”

His gaze softens, rendering Rey unable to look away as smile that’s been ghosting his lips blooms just a bit. “You’re stronger than you look.” 

When she can’t bare it any longer, Rey gets up and pretends to be stretching out her back. “I’m just as strong as I have to be,” she tries to say casually but Rey can feel most of her nerve endings have lit up, hyper aware suddenly. 

Kylo stands too, rubbing at his abused arms. “I’m ready whenever you are,” he says with confidence.

The last pipe is lifted and the count of three still keeps time with each yank of the chain. This one they have to lift higher and then lower it into place. Its even worse when Rey has to hold both chains at once so Kylo can go open the top of the connecting pipe's lock.

Her back screams but her feet hold. Breathing slowly Rey meditated like Luke taught her. The pain fades and she ignores time passing until Kylo’s voice reaches her ears.

“Lower it,” he shouts and Rey does.

Walking forward, she’s all determination and willpower bent on succeeding. Kylo hunches down under, directing the pipe with his hands into the lock. Somewhere above, a piece of metal groans and Rey knows the sound all too well.

“Get out of there!” she screams but the pipe slips. 

Moving impossibly fast, Rey watches him catch it. It lands hard on his shoulder but his arms are around it. Kylo holds on but Rey can see his feet are starting to slip. Moving fast, she loops the chain around the cart and then runs to the wall as fast as her feet will take her. She pulls hard and climbs up, fitting herself under the other end of the pipe. The cart, no longer heavy enough to hold the pipe up, starts to be dragged towards them.

“What are you doing?!” Kylo shouts at her.

“Helping!” Rey yells back.

The cart hits the wall and the other end comes down but Rey is there to catch it. She can’t hold it like him and has to use her arms to push to try and keep the height even. Hot pain blooms through her but Rey refuses to be beaten. Facing one another, she looks across to Kylo, his is face hard from focusing. The Force gathers around him and he pushes with it, lifting his end up into the lock. It doesn’t click and won't until Rey has her end in place. She wants to cry out at how unfair it is she can’t do the same as him, can’t call on the Force to help her.

A burning fire rises, Rey not wanting to give up, starts to focus and mediate. Even without the Force, she knows she still can master her body and its pain. Each breath is a struggle but she pushes on, thinking about the long days where she wanted to die but kept struggling on. Having lived through worse, it’s her memories that give her the strength to lift the pipe higher. Kylo can’t help her, he can only watch and keep his end where it is as Rey fights with hers.

A shout builds within her and Rey screams it out hard and loud while pushing up. The bracelet on her wrist vibrates and Kylo stares at her with awe. A flash of warmth fills her mind for one hot moment, the tendril suddenly there, shining bright like a star. The pipe’s lock clicks but Rey doesn’t let go.

“TURN!” she screams and pushes the pipe to her right.

Kylo moves with her, both giving their all to engage the final lock. When it clicks finally, Rey collapses.

A hand patting her cheek wakes her, slowly Rey realizes that she had blacked out. Kylo is above her, looking concerned. There’s a warm under her and Rey can feel Kylo has laid her across his lap. A rush of emotions overtake Rey, they are wild and fast and rouse her completely from her daze. Sitting up, she thrusts herself at him with an uncontrollable joy. Her arms wrap around his neck and Rey pulls Kylo down into a quick hug. 

“We did it!” she says so high her voice squeaks.

Before Kylo can stiffen and freeze under her arms, Rey pulls away, a little unaware of herself. Looking up at the final pipe, she smiles almost impossibly wide. “Now I can go to bed." 

A noise hits her ears, drawing Rey’s attention to back to Kylo. He’s trying to cover his face and mouth, forcible trying to mute laugher sputtering from him. She can see him fight it, switching back and forth between looking angry and just utterly amused. The way it bursts from him, almost choking him, gives Rey the impression it’s been a long time since he’s last laughed anything like he was now.

Pulling away from him more, he lets her go and turns away, hiding his face from her. Rey moves to sit next to him and watches his shoulder's tremble. “I don’t see what’s so funny,” she says in a mocking tone.

Kylo hunches down further, she can’t hear him laughing anymore and his body stops trembling. “Sorry,” he chokes out before clearing his throat. 

Turning back towards her, Kylo tries to look serious but his eyes are heavy with tears and there’s a high blush on his cheeks. Being so close next to him, Rey can even see the tip of his nose has turned pink. Being angry would be easy, hate even simpler than that. Kylo Ren has given her enough reasons to be both but Rey feels he’s given her one reason not to.

It’s a strange walk they share returning the cart. No one is around and she feels like they are the only two people on the whole base despite the impossibility of that. They walk slowly back to their section and it’s along the way that Rey notices he’s walking next to her, not behind. Unable to stare, she looks him over and he catches her. The lingering good mood that’s still hanging about him makes her just a little angry.

“What? He asks, a smile almost along with it.

Touching her wrist, Rey shakes her head. “Its nothing, I’m just tired.”

“For a moment back there, when you were lifting the pipe, you actually reminded me of someone,” Kylo says.

Rey takes a quick glance his way then notices a marker on the hallway wall indicating they were back in their section now. “I did?”

He nods his head once but looks ahead to where they are going. “Just some scavenger but you don’t really look anything like her. It was more of a feeling.”

Rey’s heart stop beating and she can’t breathe. Her feet remain loyal, keeping her moving while she hides her shocks quickly. When Rey doesn’t respond, Kylo fills in by explaining further. “She’s the only other person I’ve seen look that wild with just their eyes,” he says in a casual tone. 

If Rey ever needed confirmation that he didn’t know, she received it then. “I can’t tell if you are trying to insult me or complement me. A scavenger, really?” she says with a forced laugh.

An amused huff comes from Kylo. “I was trying to do the later, but I can insult you as well if that’s what you want.”

Rey jabs at his side with her elbow but he’s quick on his feet and avoid the weak attack. Anger flares up with in her, upset that he doesn’t look nearly as sore as her. Rey is still bitter that he was able to cheat using the Force while she had to over work her arms past their breaking point. She’s not even sure she can lift an empty glass right now.

Her anger doesn’t last long now that he’s mentioned her. It’s quickly overtaken by wanting to know what Kylo thinks of her. “So what’s this scavenger girls name?” she asks, trying to play it cool.

Kylo looks a little surprised by her question. “Uh, it’s Rey.”

They turn down the long hall that leads to their room. Rey moves in a little closer to Kylo, trying to play the part of a gossiping coworker. “How and where did you meet anyone like that? I thought scavengers were mostly on backwater planets.”

He starts to think about her question, his face pinching from the effort. “It doesn’t matter,” Kylo says. Reaching up, he rubs his jaw but Rey notices his thumb linger and trace part of his scar there. “She’s not someone I’ll ever see again,” he says low.

The reminder of what she’s done to Kylo makes her look away from him. “Why do you say that?” asks Rey a little more quietly.

“Its nothing,” Kylo mutters. “I would just know if I was. Forget about it.”

Reaching their door finally, Rey enters first. The taste for continuing their conversation is lost as she looks at the dark waiting room. Her only desire was just to getting into bed and sleeping what little she could. Rey turns on the room light and walks over to her locker.

Pulling out her nightclothes, she speaks up to Kylo. “I’ll change first, I won't be long.”

A low grunt is his answer and Rey on her way into the other room, can see how tired he is. The day rushes in, catching up with him at once. Kylo just stands looking half dead before his bed. 

Keeping to her word, Rey changes fast and comes out finding him still dressed but laid out across his bed. He’s asleep, one arm stretched out with his glasses in his hand. It’s easy for her to see he’s passed out before he could put them on to the nightstand. Walking over, Rey takes them and Kylo doesn’t move. Looking down, his wig is slightly pushed back, a few black locks hang out from under the edge. The more Rey see’s him like this, the more she feels she’s seeing his edges. Edges that are being peeled back to someone else underneath. 

Setting his glasses down, her own pair is placed next to his on her side. Her sweaty clothes for the day get tossed into the bottom of her locker to be cleaned and finally, Rey slips into her own bed. Her head hits the pillow and sleep comes so easily to her. Rest is another story yet again.

Suddenly Rey is running through a thick forest, the trees are tall and fat. What she’s running from, Rey doesn’t know but her legs push hard onward. Over rocks and by fallen tree trunks, she dashes between anything in her way. Even in the dream Rey can feel herself breathe hard, chest heaving with such an effort to take in enough air to keep moving. Through the green she runs on until the treeline breaks and opens into a large field.

Sliding to a stop, above Rey can see black clouds swirl as lighting cracks forth from them. A whirlpool of a storm spins but from its core falls a black shadow. Pieces of it flap in the wind, flicking a shape of a body in free fall. A feeling grips her heart tightly, squeezing until Rey has to run again just to be free of it.

The figure comes down to Earth, landing just over a hill. Her feet remain true and sure, carrying her to where to whom ever fell. In a hole she finds him, Kylo on his back and mask cracked in half. It’s spilt open like a great wound, lying on either side of his head. The scar across is face is open too, just enough that blood weeps from it and trickles down his face. He lies so still Rey is sure he’s dead until his eyes look towards her. 

Sensing a strange pressure approaching, Rey doesn’t have enough time to look up to see his sword fall. It hits Kylo fast, slipping through his chest. His flesh sizzles as he gasps, blood bubbling up and slipping past his lips. Running down into the hole, Rey reaches for the saber and pulls it free with out thinking. She just acts and tosses it away as far as she can.

His hand latches on to hers, gripping her tightly. It shocks Rey into letting out a gasp. Despite his wound, Kylo has enough strength to pull her down close. “I knew this would happen,” he says and Rey looks on in horror as tears spring to his eyes. “I saw it. So… so long ago.” 

Placing a hand on his, Rey is torn between pushing him or not. “Saw what?” she asks.

“It was wrong, wasn’t supposed to happen this way. I was wrong,” Kylo says gasping. “I just wanted what was shown to me. I wanted what was promised.”

“Kylo,” Rey says desperately. “I… I don’t understand.”

His eyes flicker to above, going wide in a look of pure horror she’s never seen before on his face. Its so real looking it leaves Rey shivering in her own skin.

Kylo’s hand squeezes her’s even more tightly. “You should go but I… I’m so selfish. I don’t want you to leave.”

“Why should I go? Tell me?!” she shouts. 

There’s a growing heat and Rey notices the ground is getting brighter. Looking up there is a large light in the sky, growing larger in size by the second. Kylo’s hand grips hers as tightly as it can before letting go. Even with the hole in his chest, he’s able to push her away from him.

“Hide Rey, don’t be found. I should have never found you. You were better left on Jakku,” Kylo says and it sounds too close to pleading. He sounds too scared for a man that’s supposed to be a monster. “Run, run away,” he begs.

The ground shakes under her feet and Kylo lets out a sharp gasp. Black hands rise from the ground and grab at him. The black fingers dig so hard that blood starts to spring forth from finger sized holes

“No!” Rey screams. Reaching down she tries to pull them off of him but their grip is like iron. “Let go! Let him go!” she yells.

Opening his mouth, Kylo tries to speak to her but the hands jam their fingers in. The corners rip and Rey watches as he’s torn apart. Hot blood hits her face and there are pieces everywhere. The ground is so bright now it hurts her eyes and burns her skin. Reaching down, Rey can only pick up one of his hand as the light over takes her. A million screams fill her head all at once and despite it being a dream, she knows the screams are real. A memory that isn’t hers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay with this chapter, hope you enjoyed it!


	11. Regret Is Best Handled Tomorrow

Rey awakens to her skin on fire. It takes a few gasping breaths for her to realize she’s not burning like in her dream. Rolling on to her back, Rey looks up into the darkness. It’s so completely absence of any light she is unable to focus on anything. Rey’s eyes begin to strain, creating a soft pattern of static that she gets lost in looking in.

It’s the second night she has had a dream with Kylo Ren in it. Rey can still feel what she believes are his emotions, buzzing around in the back of her head. Touching her wrist, she spins the bracelet around slowly, needing to touch it to feel safe. There is a part of Rey, deep inside of her, that is already so very tired from everything that has happened as of late. One moment she’s up, the next she’s down. Rey knows she can do this mission, but there are these great moments of doubt that shake her confidence to the core.

In the darkness Rey can be honest with herself, with what she’s feeling. Nighttime was always her time, the day was for working for merger portions from sun rise to sun set. At night Rey would dream and hope, she would create and toy with bits she couldn’t sell. Rey was comfortable in the dark, she had to be, there was never anyone else there to tell her not to. So Rey learned it herself, all on her own.

The hatred she feels for Kylo Ren is still there of course. He had hurt her friends, killed Han, and attacked her mentally and physically. What worries Rey now is that it might be slowly shrinking in size. The longer she’s around him, the more she knows. All the new details she learns about him, Rey has started to feel she won’t be able to forget any of them. Its nearly sickening to her that just by listening, Rey can hear him breathe just a few feet away. If the nightmare was in his mind too, Kylo shows no signs of it. 

The week to come hangs heavy in her mind. She has been on the new Starkiller base for just one week, and the second now is being spent shoulder to shoulder with Kylo. By the next one she’s so unsure what will happen. Three months didn’t seem like a long time to her before, but it feels so very far away now. 

Reaching under her bed, Rey finishes out her hidden datapad and crawls under her blankets. Turning it on, she tries to write a report but ends up staring at the half finished one she was writing before. Disheartened Rey turns it back off, feeling now ashamed that she still can’t bring herself to put down his name, that she can’t tell the truth. Slipping it back under into its hiding spot, Rey tries to get back to sleep. Drifting off once more, her body is quick to respond it but her mind snaps awake, worried another nightmare might come.

Back and forth she rocks between the two states, never falling back into a deep sleep that she truly needs. When the lights flicker on and the morning alarm sounds, Rey can’t find the strength to move an inch.

Kylo’s bed creaks as he gets up and Rey listens to him shuffle off into the next room. Hux’s voice starts to speak, another morning speech that she quickly tunes out. Shortly after there’s a flush and sink starts to run, later after that, there is a tapping that rings out from time to time. Rey can’t be sure what the source of it is. When the door opens and Kylo walks out, she can smell soap in the air, floating out with him. His locker door opens but she doesn’t hear him move anything around in it.

“Osira?” Kylo calls out. Shutting her eyes tightly, Rey holds her breath. “Osira, its time to get up.” 

Wishing for her bed to eat her, she remains deathly still. Kylo’s feet shuffle about, coming closer. “Osira?” he asks again, his voice too soft for her liking.

A hand touches Rey’s shoulder through the blanket, causing her to jerk in shock. It withdraws quickly and Rey hears Kylo take a quick few steps back before bumping into his bed. “Kriff,” he hisses as the metal frame scrapes at the floor.

“Go away,” Rey groans, her voice sounding as coarse as the sand on Jakku. “Leave me alone.” 

“If you don’t get up soon, we’re going to be late,” Kylo says, his voice back in its normal strict cadence. 

Pulling the blanket around her more, she lets out a loud huff, “I’m not going.”

Rey then hears him move back to whatever he was doing, she is sure its just pulling out his clothes for the day. “So you _don’t_ act like an adult all the time,” he comments and Rey flinches from how amused he sounds.

“You’re in a good mood,” she grumbles. “You can do it all yourself today then.”

Kylo shuts his locker door with a quick snap, the metal ringing loudly in the small room. “I’m going to the refresher, if you’re not up when I get back, I’m flipping your bed with you in it.”

Peeks her head out, and watches him walk to the door from over the top of her blanket. “What were you doing before? In the other room, I heard tapping.”

With his back to her, he remains still for a long instance before he turns to look back her. With how high his brows are arched, Kylo is confused by her question. “I was shaving,” he says.

“Oh,” Rey hums then slips back under her blankets.

The door opens and then shuts, leaving her alone in the room. Silence overtakes the room, making it feel truly peaceful now that Kylo is gone and Hux has stopped talking. She takes the opportunity to go back to sleep right away. There is no dream to bother her and Rey can feel herself sigh in relief because of it. Falling deeper and deeper into nothing, she’s roused suddenly and rudely by something cold and sharp. It grows, soaking into her bed and clothes, waking her in an instant.

Gasping, Rey struggles to kick her blankets free from her, crawling backward until her back presses into the wall. Wildly she stares at Kylo who’s standing by her bed, cup in his hand. He’s fully dressed and looking absolutely crossed with her.

“Get up,” he commands. “If I have to, you have to.”

“Fark you,” Rey says with a sneer. “ _I’m_ the boss here, not _you_.” 

“Then get dressed and _act_ like it,” Kylo says with an equally dark glare. “I’m tired too, you know. Go get cleaned up and I’ll see you in the mess hall. If I don’t, you’ll get something worse than just a little water.” 

Rey watches him drop the empty cup on her bed and leaves the room without a word. She stares at the door, angry as any beast she can name. Grabbing her pillow up, Rey tosses at the door and screams. “I HATE YOU!” 

The refresher is packed with people coming and going. Rey just puts her head down, undresses and joins the mass. Trying to be quick, she cleans her hair then starts to scrub her body as quickly as her sore arms will allow. Everywhere hurts but her back feels like its on fire.

“Oh Osira, _what_ did you _do_ to yourself?” Amaza’s voice speaks up, loud enough to be heard over the water.

Turning around, she finds the woman naked, holding a bottle of soap in her hand. A hot blush rises to Rey’s face as she quickly looks away. “A-Amaza, what are you talking about?”

Walking closer, a gentle hand touches her shoulder and Rey lets out a sharp hiss. “Girl, you’re back is all black and blue. What happened?”

Stepping under the water, Rey rinses off first before turning off the water. “It’s from last night, I’m sure it looks worse than it is. It just feels a bit tender.”

“Maybe you should go to the clinic, have that looked at,” Amaza suggests.

Moving out of the way for Amaza to take her place, Rey smiles. “I’ll be fine. I’ll just take it easy today. Have a good one Amaza.”

“You too Osira, take care of yourself now,” the woman says, giving her a pitying look.

Rushing out, she quickly dries herself and dresses before anyone else can try and ask her about her back. When her undershirt slides across her skin, Rey can really feel exactly how tender she really is. The walk to the mess hall is painful with each step, her vest rubs and irritates the large bruise more and more. Getting her food first, Rey finds Kylo sitting with one other man talking. Slipping into the seat next to him, he takes a quick glance to her then turns back to the others.

“Oh hey Osira,” one speaks up, a man named Peter that Rey recognizes. “Matt here was just telling us about how Kylo Ren saved him.”

Picking up her fork, she looked at Kylo then to Peter. “Really?”

“Yeah,” says Peter with a smile. “Carried Matt and two other guys out to a ship before the base blew. That’s pretty crazy huh?”

Only haven taken a few bites, Rey pauses and tries her best to fake she’s impressed. “Kylo Ren must be pretty strong to do that.”

“He is,” Kylo says with resolve. “A buddy of mine saw Kylo Ren once in the refresher, he said Kylo Ren had an eight pack. That Kylo Ren was shredded.”

A piece of meat gets caught in Rey throat and she starts to choke. Hitting her own chest a few times, she works the food down. Coughing hard, Rey reaches for her water and drinks down half of it. Everyone at the table is staring at her.

“He’s what?!” she gasps, looking over to Kylo.

His eyes question her if she’s alright which Rey just waves him off that she is. “There’s no such thing,” she goes on. “I think your friend lied to you Matt.” 

“No,” he says strongly. “He told me he’s seen Kylo Ren’s face, that’s it’s the best.”

Peter suddenly laughs, “No one has seen that’s guy’s face Matt, the dude wears that mask of his non stop. I saw him once, in the hall a year ago. I nearly pissed myself. That guy, he’s bad news. I’m just glad he’s on our side.”

“Do you believe him then?” Kylo asks Peter. “That when he says he’ll bring order to the galaxy?”

“Order?” speaks up Rey. “Is that what he thinks he’s doing?”

Both men now look to her but Kylo appears to be getting worked up now. “Of course,” he says obstinately. “Its why he’s with the First Order, to bring order.” 

Not wanting to start a fight this early in the morning, Rey shrugs and digs back into her food. Peter has a few more questions for Kylo and they chat back and forth amicably until breakfast is over. After leaving the mess hall, Rey and Kylo walk to the dispatch desk and find a line there. Everyone is just standing about in their teams, looking a variety of different kinds of upset. 

“I’m sorry,” says a man who looks to be years younger than Rey. “The system is down right now.” 

A woman at the front scoffs, “Well, get it back up!”

“I can’t,” he says with panic in his eyes. Looking over the growing line, he climbs up on to a stool and cups his hands over his mouth. “Due to a system outage, all workers must go to the dispatch desk in section six!”

There’s a wave of moans and people grumbling but they slowly start to disperse. Rey takes a step back and puts herself against the wall, watching people walk by. Kylo joins her but they remain silent until everyone is gone.

“What’s wrong?” he asks quietly. 

Rey looks to him but her face is anything but happy. “Its my back,” she says. “Amaza told me it’s all bruised.”

“Do you want to go see a medic?” he asks, his face betraying him by showing he was a touch worried.

“Not really,” she retorts. “I rather go back to bed.”

“But you can’t do that, can you?”

“No,” hisses Rey.

Kylo’s face deepens it worry and Rey hates to see it there, staring at her. She sighs and tries to just relax, “How are you?” she asks more calmly.

He looks taken back by her question. “Me? I um, I guess I’m fine. Sore, but I can move.” 

The door over the dispatch desk shuts and the young man comes out a side door and tapes a note to it. Both Rey and Kylo watch as he disappears back the way he came. 

“What are we waiting for?” he asks.

“I’m giving some space between us and everyone else,” explains Rey. “With six’s desk handling theirs and ours, it’ll be busy for a bit. Why are you so eager to leave?”

“I’m not,” he scoffs and then crosses his arms over his chest. “Are we just going to stand around in the hall like this?”

She thinks on his question for a moment then has an idea. “No, follow me. I know somewhere to go.”

Leading on, Rey directs him to a hidden hallway she found in her first week on the base. They walk along its dim corridor until they reach a door. Instead of putting in the security code, Rey opens the keypad and does something to the wiring.

“Are we not suppose to be here?” Kylo asks from behind her.

“If I said yes would you tell?” Rey replies as the door opens. 

“No,” he says. “I don’t rat people out.”

“Good,” smirks Rey and then motions for him to follow.

They walk into a small hanger, nothing is really there besides just piles of boxes. “What is this place? Kylo asks. 

It was here Rey would send out her transmissions back to the resistance but he didn’t need to know that bit of information. “Its an hanger that was abandoned,” she says walking over to one pile of wooden crates. “There’s some mineral despot nearby that interferes with close range transmissions but strangely it boosts long distant ones. Now just used for storage.”

Taking a good look around first, his gaze eventually comes back to her. “How did you find it?” 

“By accident, I made a wrong turn and the door was open then. I haven’t seen anyone else go down here since.”

When the reach the crates, Rey lifts herself up and sits on top of one, Kylo sits down on the one next to hers. Fidgeting for a bit, Rey then gives up and lies down on her side, tucking her arms under her head. If she can only rest a bit longer, Rey feels she would surely be in a much better mood. The tendril between her and Kylo slowly brightens, she feels a growing sense of being nervous. Its hard for her to wonder what he has to be nervous about.

Kylo clears up this matter himself. With his hands gripping his pants tight, he looks down at her. “You could… um, rest your head on my leg, if you wanted to,” he offers.

She doesn’t have to move to look up at him, but Kylo is holding his chin up so Rey can’t make out his face. Slowly he does glance down at her but then quickly looks away.

“Its was just a suggestion, I um, I didn’t mean anything by it,” he mutters, sitting stiff as a board.

“Just wake me in five minutes,” Rey whispers then slides forward just enough to rest her head on his lap.

She can feel his warmth right away and his leg is surprisingly firm with muscle. There is still just enough cushion for her to lay comfortable on him. It’s by far the strangest thing she’s ever done and shouldn’t be doing, but Rey is too tired to care. She really doesn’t understand him, his emotions go back and forth so easily it makes her head spin. One moment Kylo is completely serious and then the next, he’s acting more like a grown child. There is a part of Rey that does understand just a bit but she doesn’t want to give it any thought or weight. It would only make matters so much worse.

Drifting off, she can’t tell how long she gets to rest, only that it does help just a little. A gentle hand cards through her hair and for a moment, lost in a space between sleeping and wake, Rey leans her face into it. Warm fingers touch her face then, just like how she hoped and waited for someone to. Slowly Rey opens her eyes and looks up to Kylo who’s looking back down at her. There’s something in his gaze that frightens her, not because he’s glaring, only because it’s anything but mean. Her own eyes go wide and he freezes, surprised as quickly and as much as her.

His hand moves to withdraw but Rey can’t stop herself from grabbing it. Just his fingertips are touching her now and she can feel him trying to pull away still. “What are you doing?” Rey asks.

A flush rises to his cheeks, “I uh, I was just trying to wake you. It’s been five minutes.”

Moving his hand so she can look at it, Rey can see where some of her pain has stemmed from but finds nothing special there. His hands look strong, well worked and slightly calloused, but still softer than hers. It’s hard for Rey to understand that same hand she holding has killed, has harmed others, but also can touch her so softly. She wonders if he did it because he already feels something for her, or just simply because she was there and he’s a lonely thing.

When he once looked into her mind and saw her loneliness, she looked back into his mind and saw the same. His fears, his worries, Rey saw it all for just one brief moment. If Kylo was anyone else, Rey might have felt something more for him but even if he wears a wig and goes by the name Matt, he was still Kylo Ren.

Letting go, she sits up and he turns his body away from hers. Ignoring him, Rey stretches slowly before getting off the crate. “Come on,” she says with a yawn. “I want to get this day over with and go back to bed.”

He follows her of course and they both make it to the door before he speaks up. “Osira wait,” he says a little boldly.

Turning around, Rey is taken aback by how red his cheeks and nose is. “I just… I just wanted to say, I like working with you.”

Looking him over once, Rey gives him a curt nod. “I like working with you too Matt. But, if you really want to show me that you do, you can do most of the work today.”

“What?” he says, turning a little deeper shade of red. “That’s not _fair_!”

“What’s that old saying,” Rey counters. “Everything being fair in love and war?”

“But we’re not in love,” Kylo says aghast. 

Rey opens the door then smiles to him, “Then war it is.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was torn a bit by the progress in this chapter but I had to let it happen.


	12. The Mystery Of You

“War?” Kylo calls out as he follows Rey down the hall. “What do you mean by war?” 

She doesn’t answer, just continues on walking ahead. At the end of the hidden hallway, Rey peeks out to see if it’s all clear. “Matt, it was a joke,” says she over her shoulder.

“A joke?” he says surprised. “Oh, I get it now.”

“Sure you do,” Rey mutters before leading them out.

There are only two other teams at the dispatch desk for section six when they arrive. This wouldn’t bother Rey but it gives her mind time to think about what just happened in the hanger. Reaching up she touches her cheek gently, her fingertips lingering on where Kylo touched her before. The way he had been looking at her, Rey can’t shake the feeling of it wanting to haunt her.

“Next,” speaks up a middle-aged woman behind the counter.

Pulling her hand down, Rey quickly walks ahead to the desk. Giving her name, the woman hands over their work sheet with a stern look to move on. A few more stragglers walk over and Rey steps out of the way while looking the paper over in her hands. Kylo approaches her side, she tries her best to remain calm.

“What’s it look like?” he asks.

“Mostly small repair work but,” Rey says with a sigh. “There’s still a lot here.”

His anger sparks hot and fast, it travels between them and shoots right through her like fire. “Is there anything like yesterday? Like that pipe business?” Kylo asks, his voice low and tense.

Keeping her head down, her gaze remains affixed to the sheet. “No, its easy work, just plenty of it.”

With his rage comes at her in waves and she is unable to stand it any longer. Folding and tucking the sheet away into her pocket, Rey walks back down the hall, knowing he’ll follow. “Come on, let’s go get our supplies and get to it,” she calls back over her shoulder.

Returning back to their section and to their regular supply room, the toolbox handed to them today is of normal size. Kylo takes it without question as a box is set out full of the parts they’ll need. Rey reaches for it but his arm is there, trying to pull it away from her.

“I can handle this,” Rey says crossed.

Kylo still doesn’t move his arm away. “Are you sure?” he asks.

Rolling her eyes, Rey reaches out over his arm but pain blooms through her shoulders, making her grind down hard on her teeth. Fighting through it, she refuses to show such weakness in front of someone like Kylo. Picking the box up as Kylo moves his arm back, she finds it has a good weight to it but her arms hold steady and true.

“See,” she says, her voice a little strained. “I have it.”

It’s clear from his look alone that Kylo doesn’t believe her, but he lets Rey have her way. The first job they have is in a tunnel that both have to crawl into. It’s down under a floor of a hall and Rey can’t help but feel a touch nervous at the muffled sounds of people walking just above her head. Someone laughs above, distracting her from where she is going. She misses a low hanging beam and it hits her directly on her back. 

“Kriff,” she shouts and freezes in place. Reaching back, Rey touches the tender skin under her clothes with a low hiss.

Dropping the toolbox to the floor, Kylo comes closer, reaching out and touching one of her shoulders gently. “Are you alright?” he asks.

Pushing Kylo away, Rey sits up in the small crawl space. “I’m fine,” she barks. “I just, did something stupid.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to go see a medic?” Kylo says, still looking worried.

Practically snarling, Rey turns to glare at him. “Ask me that again and see what happens.”

His anger is quick to rise up and match hers in equal strength. “If you can’t work, what good are you?” he snaps.

Reaching out, she grabs him by the collar and holds tight. “I said I’m fine!” growls Rey.

The connection between them sparks and she can feel it grow warm and glow brightly. Kylo searches her eyes for something. “You’re not fine,” he whispers angrily.

The grip she has on his collar tightens further when Rey feels him lean in a little closer to her. Panic springs forth and she’s quick to push him away again, unsure just what he was trying to do. A strange tension simmers in the air, one Rey has never felt before, but it ebbs away before she can find a label for it. Kylo takes the hint and backs off to pick up the toolbox again. Pulling her hand away, she turns and reaches down for the box of parts. The longer they both don’t speak, the worse Rey starts to feel. A sensation of being pulled in several different ways tugs on her mind, it leaves her fighting to come up with a decision on what to do. Sitting down on her knees, Rey stares down at the box before her, the fight leaving her.

“I don’t like going to the medics,” she confesses. “I’ve worked in some backwater places before where there wasn’t easy access to bacta. The cut before, if it been anywhere else but my hand, I wouldn’t have gone. If my back still hurts or gets worse later, I’ll go, but don’t bother me anymore about it. I can take care of myself.”

“I know that,” Kylo says so quietly Rey wonders where all that anger he was burning with went to. Setting down the toolbox down next to him, he sits crossed legged. “But I’m suppose to watch out for you, right?”

Looking down at her own hands, Rey see’s the thin white scars she’s acquired over her lifetime already. “I told you we are a team and I’m sorry if I haven’t acted as so.” Done with anything that could resemble pity, Rey looks to Kylo, giving a quick smirk.

“Let’s do this job first and I’ll go. Thank you, for being concerned about me. I’m not use to it.”

“Neither am I,” says Kylo so honestly it shocks Rey a bit.

The smirk grows into a full smile, “It's strange, isn’t it?” she says.

He nods with a mixture of emotions passing across his face. “I want to get to know you better Osira, would that be alright if I tried?”

For a moment she doesn’t think about her mission or her work, the nagging voice that keeps her on track goes silent. There is an honest curiosity Rey has for who Kylo Ren really is, his past is a mystery to her even though she has met both of his parents, living and dead. Han’s death weighs heavily still on her mind, the reason for it occurring resting with only Kylo. It’s hard for her not to wonder what made him into such an angry, awful, but bizarrely fascinating figure. His darkness terrifies her but Rey can see that’s not all that is there, that all of Matt can’t be an act. She’s sure of it.

There is a line Rey feels she’ll be crossing if she says the words she wants to. Fear alone isn’t enough to stop her though. “Only if I can get to know you better too,” Rey says with bravery she can muster.

A flush begins to rise on Kylo’s cheeks but he’s just as fast to look away. It leaves Rey wondering how long he’s hidden his face. That Kylo emotes so easily and openly it’s shocking.

“There isn’t much to know,” he mutters.

“That doesn’t matter, I’d still like to know,” Rey states and watches him look busy trying to think of something more to say.

“What’s your favorite color?” Kylo blurts out.

Staring at him for a beat, Rey starts laughing the next. Gripping at her sides, she gasps, hissing in pain but unable to stop. “That’s what you want to know?” she giggles.

Looking utterly embarrassed, Kylo stares in some mild expression of horror. “I, uh, I don’t know, I just, it’s all I could think of.”

Laughing more, Rey tries to cover her mouth and stop but just looking at him starts her up again. After a few deep breaths she finally settles into a calm that feels paper thin.

“It’s green,” she says. “What about you?”

“Me?” says a shocked Kylo.

He becomes lost within himself, clearly think far too hard over such an easy question. It almost sets her off again laughing, seeing his face become so tense, but Kylo does find an answer.

“It's blue,” he says tersely.

“Blue?” repeats Rey, she was so sure that he would have said red or black. 

“Is there something wrong with blue?” he asks quickly.

Shaking her head no, Rey then smiles. “I didn’t think you would have said that. Maybe red or, I don’t know. Blue is nice, I like blue too.”

Looking torn between smiling back to not, his face comes to rest on a more sober expression. “We should get back to work,” he says in low tone before reaching down for the toolbox. 

“We should,” replies Rey, still smiling. “But you can keep asking questions if you want.”

“Are you sure?” he asks with a glance to her.

There is a glint of what she thinks is hope in his eyes, but she can’t be completely sure. “I wouldn’t have said so if I wasn’t. Just be ready to answer what ever you ask me in return, it’s only fair.”

His mood brightens a bit from her words. “Alright.”

“Good,” she says. Grabbing at the box, Rey pushes it ahead of her along the crawl space. “Can I ask you any questions too, if I think of any?”

“Sure,” he says following behind her. “But if I don’t want to answer, don’t get upset at me.” 

“I won't, only if you do the same if I don’t.”

Stopping at a panel they need to work under, Rey pulls out the parts from the box and Kylo lays out what tools she points out they’ll need. He still gets plenty of them wrong but Rey does notice the ones he’s found correctly before, he remembers this time. Kneeling next to one another, Rey leads him through what to do, much like their first job. Kylo is quicker this time on picking up on what she’s saying now.

Motioning to a group of wires Rey is holding, he says hesitantly, “So that is ground, and those three are power.”

Rey smiles with a quick nod. “That’s right. Since all these wires look good, I’m thinking the problem is the ground.” 

Kylo’s eyes follow the black wire until its end. At the source where its been soldered into place, he can see the grounds solder is touching the next wire. “Is this is?” he asks pointing.

“I’m sure it is but let’s fix it and see,” Rey says, feeling a bit excited by him learning.

Reaching down into the toolbox, Kylo pulls out a hot tool and hands it to her. “You’ll need this for that, right?”

“Right again,” she says taking it from him.

Turning on the gun, it heats up until a green light turns on, signally it’s ready to be used. Touching the tool to the solder, Rey removes both wires and then reattaches them more cleanly. The power flickers on the board they are working on and the indicators lights finally coming on for one section of it.

Pulling the hot tool away, she looks to Kylo. “That’s one part done, why don’t you try and find what’s wrong with the other.”

“Ok,” he breathes out and starts searching the board again.

An odd sense of pride tugs at Rey as she watches him work. Kylo traces different pathways with his eyes and she can’t help but wonders why Han didn’t teach him anything like this. There is some basic knowledge Kylo should know but its so obvious he’s lacking in it. Its only serves to make her that more curious about him.

“It's here,” he speaks up, drawing Rey gaze to a frayed wire.

“Why don’t you do it,” she says, handing him the hot tool.

Looking unsure for a moment, Kylo does take the tool and then reaches for some wire. Keeping a close eye on his work, he proves he’s been paying attention by doing it correctly. The indicator lights come on for the whole board and there’s a pleased look in his eyes. Holding out a meter box, Rey trades him for the hot tool.

“Check the main connections and be sure all the power measures evenly. If it does, we’re done here,” says a very pleased Rey.

Their fingers brush when they make the exchange and she is briefly reminded of how warm his fingers were. Quick to shake the feeling off, Rey focuses on watching Kylo make the last necessary checks.

Putting the leads away back into the meter box, Kylo then sets the whole unit into the toolbox next to him. “The power levels are even,” he announces, sounding a touch relived.

Giving him the hot tool to be stored away as well, Rey smiles even more. “Congratulations, you just fixed something.”

After closing the toolbox with the hot tool inside, Kylo looks to her with pink cheeks. “Thanks,” he says quietly before appearing to start pondering over something.

“What was your life like,” he starts to ask Rey. “Before coming here?” 

Knowing she has to lie, painting the truth in a different light seems to be her best choice of action. Picking up the metal panel, Rey puts it into place and reattaches the screws to lock it down.

“It was hard,” she answers softly. “I worked alone for a long time. There were others but no one really conversed, just worked in silence. You had to keep a close eye on your own back, trust wasn’t won easily if at all. Rations were slim too. I wasn’t in an area of high traffic so you had learn to work with what you have.” 

Taking a seat on the floor, Kylo watches Rey speak with an undivided attention on her. She did the same, sitting down careful to not bump her back.

“Why didn’t you just transfer?” he asks.

“That wasn’t an option I could do until now,” Rey says looking down at the floor. “I had my reasons, ones that I rather not say.”

A new set of footsteps walk overhead and both her and Kylo glance up, listening to them walk past and away. “What about you?” she asks, breaking the short silence. 

“Me?” says Kylo before getting lost in his own thoughts. “Before here, I uh, I worked alone too, mostly. There were others but, there was just our work, nothing more. My job was a little higher up than this, so I am use to things being different for me. Something happened and it’s made me rethink what I was doing.”

Wrapping her arms around her legs, Rey pulls them to her chest. She feels if they keep going, she may be able to get Kylo to tell her something useful or important. There is also another part of her that just wants to hear him talk. When Kylo’s voice is calm, like it is now, its pleasant to the ears.

“What happened?” she asks resting her chin on her arms.

Looking at her, Rey can see he’s torn, that Kylo wants to speak but can’t bring himself to do so. Reaching out across the short distance between them, she puts her hand over his, trying to encourage him to go on.

“You don’t have to tell me but I would like to know,” Rey says as kindly as she can.

The worry Kylo feels grows large enough that Rey can feel it now too. Her fingers brush over his hand, just barely touching his wrist, trying to soothe him. When he doesn’t remove his hand, she takes it as a good sign that he’ll keep talking. Watching Kylo take a slow breathe in, Rey can feel him become steady. Lifting his other hand up, he motions to the scar on his face.

“When I was hurt,” says he slowly. “It shook loose some things I had forgotten. I still can’t remember it all clearly, but I do get flashes here and there. I remember enough to know that the plan I was following for my life was wrong. Now I’m just, trying to piece it together.”

“Like what?” Rey pushes gently.

Looking down at her hand, Rey feels a stab of fear flare from him. “I think I was going to handle something, on my own. I don’t know what, just that I couldn’t tell anyone what I was doing. I’m not sure what it was.”

In Kylo’s eyes, Rey can see he has a heavy weight that he carries. She feels it too, across their mysterious connection that she’s not completely sure on if she’s imagining it or not. There’s some great burden and its leaves him lonely, burning him from the inside until all that’s left is fire. Her mission should come first but he looks so human, the monster hidden away somewhere in the deep dark inside of him. Even if he is Rey’s enemy, she feels a great empathy towards Kylo. Enough that it moves her to action, one she should shy away from for her own sake.

Pulling her hand back, Rey moves her fingertips to the edge of his and coaxes Kylo to turn his hand over. He’s hesitant, not sure what she’s doing, but he slowly gives in to her prodding. Slowly she interlaces their fingers together and squeezes his hand, knowing what he’s just said was hard for him to do. Kylo’s palm is warm but Rey can feel how tense he is. Rubbing the back of his hand with her fingers, she tries to get him to relax more.

“I know we got off to a bad start, but I would like for us to become friends,” Rey says with a soft smile.

His fingers twitch but his hand remains frozen in place. “You want to be friends with me?” 

Rey nods yes, giving his hand another soft squeeze. “I think we could both use one.”

“I don’t think that’s a smart idea,” he whispers.

“Why?”

Looking down at their joined hands, Kylo is hesitant but he curls his fingers towards hers. “I’m not who you think I am.”

Rey of course knows this but she has to play along. “Isn’t that why we are talking, to find that out? You don’t know me either, what we know about each other could barely fill a glass together." 

Covering his weakness, she feels Kylo withdraw back behind a stern expression that his face wears like a pair of well worn shoes. “I don’t understand why you would be interested in anything about me in the first place.”

Treading lightly was nothing new to Rey, both with her feet and her words. Before she was strong enough to fight back physically, she had to rely other ways of disarming a situation. “Do you think you’re not interesting enough? I think you are.”

His head snaps up so quickly to look at her that Rey forgets to breathe for a moment then can see she’s stepped wrong. The man who she fought in the snow is looking at her, his eyes wild. Rey feels terrified. Kylo’s tightens around her and Rey knows even if she tried to flee, he would be able to hold her in place easily.

“I don’t think you’ll like what you’ll find,” he says darkly.

Where Rey’s courage from, she doesn’t know, only that it just rises up like the sun breaking the night. “Why don’t you let me find out and judge for myself?” 

His eyes narrow so slightly Rey almost misses it, but she knows she’s surprised him by her answer. Pulling down on her hand, Rey tumbles forward towards Kylo. His other large hand catches her by the jaw, lifting it up to look her in the eye.

“You’re playing with fire Osira,” he growls menacingly. 

Acting before thinking, Rey’s own hand surges up and he can’t stop her with both of his hands occupied. Strong fingers find his neck, gripping it hard and forcing Kylo to lift his chin as well.

“I told you, I can take care of myself,” she snaps, having none of him trying to intimate her.

Impressed by her actions, Rey knows it right away through their connection. Letting go of her chin, she does the same with his throat but their hands remain locked together. He lifts them up before she can try and stop him, turning her hand around to expose her wrist. The air leaves Rey’s lungs as Kylo leans in, eyes falling half shut as he places a slow and light kiss to her wrist bone. She feels him inhale, smelling her skin. Rey can only just watch, frozen in place by shock alone.

When his eyes look up to here again, his gaze is fierce with a hunger that makes Rey shiver. “I’m looking forward to see how well you prove that,” he says like a promise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for the delay in this chapter, I had some personal issues I was dealing with that are settled now. This chapter I had a much different ending in mind but the new one just sorta of happened. I hope you enjoyed!


	13. The White Lies We Tell

There is a sharp ache in Rey’s hand before she understands what she has done. Kylo’s head is turned to one side, his glasses knocked clear from his face on to the floor. His hand lets go of her and Rey scrambles backwards, her back hitting the wall, forcing a sharp hiss from her lips. 

“What do you think you’re doing?” she asks, gasping for air that won’t seem to come.

Reaching down to the floor, Kylo picks up his glasses and slides them back on. “So that’s where you draw the line,” he says calmly.

Unable to do anything more than stare, she is confused by his change in attitude. Kylo moves to sit down like before but Rey can’t feel a hint of anything from him, just a sharp emptiness with no bottom. Touching her wrist, she doesn’t dare to move as he looks at her.

“Do you still want to ask more questions about me?” he says while noticing her clutching her wrist and bracelet.

Following where his gaze turns to, Rey pulls down her hand and burns with anger. “Stop this,” she snaps.

“Stop what?” he asks mockingly.

Adjusting herself better so her back isn’t crushed against the wall, Rey remains ready for anything. “Trying to scare me.” 

Kylo’s eyes light up with interest, “Have I? Are you frighten Osira?”

“Is that what you want from me?” Rey says with a sneer. “To fear you? I will not.”

“You are very brave for someone so ignorant of the danger she’s in.”

Reaching down, Rey picks up a wrench from the floor and points it at him. “Don’t try and threaten me when you are the one who’s frighten.”

Glancing at the tool in her hand, he looks offended. “What do I have to be frighten of? You?”

“Your self,” snaps Rey. “Why else would you hide in a place like this? You have nowhere else to go, do you?”

The calm he tries to keep shatters. “Don’t you _dare_ try to act like you know me, you know nothing. _Nothing_! Who the kirff are you? Acting like you want to be friends, the lies I see come from your mouth are disgusting.”

Without being able to feel his emotions to guide her, Rey is more than sure she would be yelling right back at him right then. It’s what he wants her to do, she can feel it. Kylo needing for Rey to start some violence upon him so he has an excuse to lash right back at her. That Rey will not give him, seeing what to do, she sets down the wrench.

“You think that’s a lie? That I’m not curious about you?” she says feeling her own strange calm wash over her. “It's not a lie when I said I wanted to know more about you.”

His anger burns hot, making Kylo snarl and rise to his feet. He stands as much as the tunnel will allow and just glares furious at her. Rey remains still, knowing he saw the truth in her words.

“I don’t want anything to do with _you_!” he barks. “None of this was my _choice_!” 

There are cracks forming and she can see them now, like an eggshell breaking. “You’re wrong about that, it was your choice to stay. I made sure of it, you could have left but you stayed.”

He kicks the toolbox hard, it opens, spreading the contents everywhere. Looking at the mess he’s made, Rey remains still, weathering his fearsome storm.

“If you want to leave, go.” she continues to say. “I doubt if you tried anyone would be able to stop you. I could tell you how if you asked, I know of a few shuttles you could hide away on.”

Spinning around to face her, Kylo charges and grabs Rey by the throat. Her body is lifted up as he breathes in hot quick breathes across her cheek. His thumbs press into her throat and she touches her wrist, hoping she won’t have to unlock her bracelet. He isn’t choking her outright yet, but just holding Rey harshly in a solid grip. Looking up into Kylo’s burning gaze, she has seen him this way before, yelling at her that she needs a teacher on the other Starkiller.

“I should snap your neck,” comes from Kylo in a snarling hiss.

Rey could fight back, try and push him away but he’s giving her the answer what to do. She can feel it, that he only need a good shock to snap out of his anger.

“You won't,” she says, able to still speak with his hands on her. “We both have lies we can’t tell but I can promise you, whatever happens with me, it’ll be because you wanted it to. If you want to stay and talk to me, that’s your decision, I won't make it for you.”

Putting her hand on his wrist, Rey pulls with a fierce strength she’s earned with hard work over many years. Even with her arms overtaxed, they reluctantly comply. His arms start to shake, trying to fight her from what she’s doing but Rey holds his wrist firm, moving it off her neck.

“What are you doing?” he asks frighten.

With a goal in mind she can’t be stopped, not even when his other hand let’s her go to try and wrench his hand free. She turns his wrist like he did with her own and places a kiss to his thunderous pulse.

“Don’t be scared, I feel it too,” she whispers, inhaling his scent in before letting go.

Kylo stumbles back, limbs akimbo as Rey watches him stare wildly at her. “What did you just say to me?”

His question makes her smile. It’s as close to a confession as she’ll get, knowing and feeling that he didn’t really hear her. It was a stupid risk but Rey feels a little drunk on it, dancing so closely to danger. Standing up, Rey approaches him. Kylo scrambles move back and away but there is nowhere to go.

Moving her hand to him, Rey presses a finger to the bridge of his glasses and pushes them back up his nose. “Pick up the toolbox, we have work to do,” she says.

“What did you say to me?” he asks again. “ _What was it_?!”

 Looking down, his hands are clenches around the metal grates under him, Kylo look to be holding on for dear life. “If you stay long enough, I’ll tell you,” she whispers.

“W-Who are you?” he sputters.

A smile comes to her face when she looks at him. “I’m Osira, your work partner and boss, for now. You have your secrets, and I have mine. If we want to tell one another, then that’s our choice to.”

His gaze drifts from her, his mind she can feel is reeling, trying to understand what is happening. “Why are you doing this?” he asks. 

Feeling the worse is over now, Rey shrugs. “I have my reasons, like you have yours.” 

Swallowing dryly, Kylo forces himself to look at her again. “So we just, what?”

“Pretend?” says Rey. “You get to be Matt and I’m Osira.”

Looking her over, he looks a bit taken aback by her words but he puts her meaning together quickly. “Your real name isn’t Osira?”

Turns away to go get the box of parts, Rey smiles. “I never said that,” she says quietly.

“What is it then?” Kylo asks, slowly getting to his feet once more. “You’re real name?”

Stopping before the box, Rey looks back at him. “When you know that, you’ll know everything.”

“Tell me,” he says strongly.

“Do you want to tell me yours?” she asks, giving him her full attention.

There’s a storm in him and Rey feels his emotions turn over each other. “No,” he says low and a bit broken.

“Even if we know, it’s easier this way, don’t you think? So long as we don’t get in each other’s way, it can work.”

His eyes drift down and Rey watches him look down at his wrist. “Why did you do that?”

She not sure but Rey gives the closest answer she can provide. “Pay back, that’s all.”

Kylo doesn’t move and Rey gets the feeling they need to talk more before he will. Sitting down again, she winces as her back pain flares up once more. “This doesn’t change anything,” she says.

A bitter chuckle comes from Kylo. “Why would you think that?”

“It's obvious we are both here hiding, just because we now know doesn’t mean it has to get in the way. So long as you keep working, I don’t care what else you do. If you can respect the same for me, there is no problem here.”

“That simple?” he huffs. “Nothing is that simple.”

“This is,” says Rey. “Only if you want it to be.”

Looking up at her behind the frames of his glasses, Kylo’s eyes look tired. “What if we find out each other’s secrets?” 

“I rather deal with that when and if it happens but the same rule still applies, I’ll have your back if you have mine.”

“I really don’t understand you,” he mutters.

Giving him a reassuring smile, Rey tries to sound as encouraging as she can. “Then why not get to actually know me?”

“For what reason would I do that?” he asks.

“Maybe because you believe that you can make a friend,” Rey explains. “Even if we don’t know everything about one another doesn’t mean we can’t be friends.”

Looking down at his hands, Kylo interlocks his fingers tightly together. “I don’t trust people who say they are my friend.”

Rey lets out a frustrated sigh, “I’m not saying that, you’ll have to. I’m simply saying I would like to. You act like a jerk a lot but when you’re not, it’s not half bad to be around you.”

“Thanks,” Kylo says sarcastically.

“It’s your choice, what do you want to do?”

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore,” he says standing up.

Rey follows, hunched over like him. “Well you don’t have to, just decide.”

“I don’t _want_ to decide!” he shouts. 

“Fine,” Rey sighs again. “If you need time, that’s fine, but can you at least tell me by the end of today?”

“Yes, I tell you then.”

“Thank you,” she says.

Looking at her with wide eyes for a few minutes, Kylo then reluctantly nods his head. “I should be thanking you, for giving me a choice. For not just.” 

She can feel how fragile he is and doesn’t stop herself from reaching out to him. Placing a hand on his arm, Rey gives him a small smile. “I’m not here to hurt you Matt, I’m just here to do my job.”

Reaching up and touching her hand gently, Kylo covers hers easily but his fingers slowly graze across her own. “I hope you’ll tell me at some point, your real name. I think I would like to call you it, at least once.”

“Only if you let me call you by yours after. You do not look like a Matt, not at all,” she says with a bigger smile.

Feeling his hand stop moving, Kylo looks oddly at ease. “I don’t?” he asks.

“No, not at all,” Rey agrees.

“You don’t look like an Osira.”

Rolling her eyes, Rey lets out a huff. “It’s because I’m not.”

“What about Vara?” Kylo asks.

“No, I’m not a Vara,” sneers Rey.

“Beka?” he tries.

“Please do not try and guess my name.”

“Fiona?" 

Pulling back on her hand, Rey smacks him in the arm. “What did I just say?”

He tries and takes a step back but there is nowhere to go. Putting his hands up, a cheeky smirk tugs on Kylo’s lips. “Tanaris, you could be a Tanaris.”

“In your dreams,” Rey snarls and hits him again in the arm. “If you can joke, you can pick up the toolbox you knocked over.”

“Right away Ethea, I’ll get on it,” he says then gives her a mocking salute.

As soon as he turns around, Rey kicks him in the rear one last time then moves to fetch her parts box. “I swear, if you start calling me other names with anyone else around, I’ll smother you with my pillow.”

“Yes,” he says while putting away the spilled tools. 

“Yes what?” grumbles Rey.

Looking back at her, Kylo smiles, just the tiniest bit with his eyes. “Yes, I’ll stay and be your friend, just so long as that means I can mock you, in private of course. Wouldn’t want to ruin your professional image." 

“Are you sure? You can,” Rey says but Kylo cuts her off.

“I am, I’m sure. Shalla.” 

Picking up the wrench by her feet, Rey throws it at Kylo, hitting him hard on the back. He laughs through the pain but knows better to push his luck again with her. Something feels settled between them when Rey is ready to move on and Kylo has the toolbox back together. They share a knowing looking that needs no words before moving to crawl their way back out of the tunnel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this chapter is a little short, it's definitely an ending to the first section of the story.


	14. Why Dream When You Can’t Remember

Walking through a field of grass as high as her waist, Rey runs the palms of her hands over it. They bend softly, caressing her skin as parts them with her feet. There’s so much green around her that it fills Rey’s heart with so much joy it almost hurts. It’s so beautiful to look at that is distracts her from the strangeness of knowing the direction she’s moving is towards her home. Above the sky is impossibly clear and blue, Rey just knows that the shade is the blue Kylo loves the most. He is here somewhere in her dream this time, she can feel it as much as she can feel the sun beating down so warmly. Too happy to care that he is, the dream is beautiful and she wants it to last.

Her movements through the grass startle a great white bird, its neck long and slender. It calls out and takes to the sky with its broad wings pushing it upwards. Putting a hand up to block the sun, Rey watches it soar.

The smell of fresh baked bread drifts through the air, bread her hands feel like she’s made herself. Not the instant kind from Jakku, but bread made with love and care. Her feet rush Rey along, through the meadow to a small house that looks and feels like love. Touching the door, it familiar even if she’s never seen it or touched it before. Inside she hears voices but Rey doesn’t open the door, instead moves to the nearest window. 

Inside is a Kylo Ren, dressed in black with his mask upon his head. He’s kneeling before a little girl with hands out reaching to him. Bending down more, her hands grabs at his mask, finding the latches and pulling it off. Her arms waver but Kylo’s hands are there to take it from her and set it down on to the floor. Through the glass Rey watches him smile, its slow and warm, but there is love in his gaze and it makes her heart race just seeing it.

Reaching for the girl, he picks her up as she grabs on to him, tan arms wrapping around his neck. His hands carefully hold her, pressing her closer as she leans her head onto his wide shoulder. Rey hears the white bird again, circling around the house, calling to its mate who replies somewhere in the tree’s.

“It's mommy,” the little girl says, pointing to Rey. 

Kylo turns to look at her, the soft tender smile still on his face. “Are you going to stand out there all day?” he asks. 

Taking a quick step back, Rey isn’t sure what to do but the world slips away, stretching away from her until it’s nothing but darkness. It’s not like the other nightmares, the real true darkness doesn’t come as the stars light up around her. Spinning around, everywhere she looks Rey can see them. The floor she’s standing on is clear as glass and walking on it feels like stepping on air.

Each star glows a little differently and Rey walks over to a red one to have a closer look. Putting her hand out, she’s struck suddenly by a wave of images and memories that aren’t real. She recognizes some things but its all different. Finn remains as a Stormtrooper, Poe is killed fighting, and Rey, fear washes over her at how dark she looks dressed in black robes.

“So you’re here,” speaks Kylo Ren from behind her.

Pulling her hand back, Rey spins to face him. He’s dressed in black but the robes he’s wearing, she’s never seen before. They are lighter, missing many of the layers he usually wears but they still mostly cover him completely.

“What is this place?” she asks.

“Don’t make the same mistake as me, never mind what this is. It’ll only bring you pain,” he says, walking slowly toward her.

Rey stands her ground but he stops, keeping a safe distance between them. “If you’re here, you must be training then with that old Jedi then.”

“What?” she says, unsure why he thinks that to be true.

“Is that why I can’t feel you?” Kylo asks. “Is he keeping you from me, blocking your mind?” 

There is no bracelet on Rey’s wrist and she doesn’t need to touch it but the urge to is there to do so. “Why do you want to know about me?”

Looking around at the lights, Kylo stares wistfully at them. “I don’t, not anymore. I was wrong about you. I’m sure this isn’t even real, it doesn’t feel it.”

“Of course it doesn’t,” scoffs Rey. “It’s a dream.”

A dark laugh comes from Kylo as he shakes his head. “You are right but so very wrong. You should come and find me after you’re done with the old man, I could teach you everything he can’t.”

“Why?” she says, narrowing her gaze suspiciously.

Reaching out to one blue star, his hand hovers around it. “You could do what I couldn’t. I can see things clearly here now, but I won't remember. He won't let me. It’s clear I failed to fix things.”

Taking a few careful steps to Kylo, Rey looks to the star and then to him. “Do what? You never just say things clearly.” 

He chuckles softly and pulls his hand back. Staring down at her from his greater height, there is a ghost of the smile on his lips, much like the one she saw before in the small house. “Where would be the fun in that if I just spelled it all out for you?”

Grabbing his robes, Rey frowns. “Kylo, stop this. Just tell me what is going on.”

Putting his hands around her wrists, Kylo gently pulls them away but doesn’t let go. “Why? This is just a dream, it doesn’t mean a thing.”

“What was that before? That house and child?”

There is a sadness that crosses through his gaze, strong enough that Rey feels it deep in her chest. “A path closed now. The stars, they are just pathways, nothing more. Pay no attention to what they show you, they only lie to you.”

She still doesn’t understand what he’s saying but Kylo bends down, turning her hand up to to kiss her knuckles. “One star we have a child, another star I kill you, you kill me, we kill together, another I don’t exist and you die. Its seems this one we remain apart, running in parallel and crossing just briefly.”

Looking to the stars, Rey sees all the different colors and sizes they come in. “They are possibilities.”

“Yes,” Kylo says before letting her go.

Turning away, he walks slowly towards one star that is white and rather plain looking. Rey follows and stands besides him.

“Its best to forget it completely what you see here,” he says moving his fingers around the small orb. “Don’t try and hold on to it, otherwise it’ll tear at you. All the alternatives, you can get lost in one or many, become so sure it’s what’s to come is the right one." 

“Is that what happened to you?” she asks looking towards him.

Kylo nods slowly then turns to Rey. “I don’t hate you, before, that was a test. I had to know how strong you were.”

“A test?” she says, growing upset. “You cut open Finn’s back! You killed Han!”

Pain washes through him and it surprises Rey how strong and sharp it is. “I did.”

“Why?’ Rey says pleading.

“What’s done is done,” comes from Kylo bitterly. “You have a good head on your shoulder’s Rey, don’t lose it.”

“Matt,” says Rey’s voice from behind them.

Turning around, they look at a star that suddenly grows brightly. Kylo stares in horror, “Don’t do this, stop! She doesn’t need to see.”

The other stars dim and Rey can see herself as Osira and Kylo as Matt. They walk towards one another in a cutaway of a hall. Watching herself reach up, Osira touches Matt’s face tenderly who then leans down and kisses her briefly. Their lips just touch before they pull apart.

From behind Rey, the other Kylo is full of shock and anger. Looking back to him, he stares at the scene as the other two of them hurry down the hall, hand in hand.

“That’s you?” he says darkly.

Taking a step away, Rey is afraid of what he’ll do now. Looking to her, Kylo appears to be in pain but he laughs quickly, covering his face as he sounds like he’s breaking.

“I hate this place,” he says with a scowl.

“What are you going to do?” Rey quickly asks.

“Nothing,” Kylo mutters. “The ability for me to remember what happens here has been taken away.”

Relief and a strange pain of deep longing squeeze Rey’s heart. “So you won't know then, that I’m Osira?”

“No, I won't. I’m sure I’ll piece it together still,” he says with a tired sigh. “Even if I’m a bit distracted at the moment, I’ll know at some point.”

Unable to hide her fear, Kylo looks sadly at her. Reaching out, he touches her cheek so gently. “Don’t do that,” he says. “You don’t have to fear me Rey.”

Moving her head back from his touch, she glares at him. “How can you even say that to me? After what you have done?”

Pulling his hand back, he withers a bit. “Even if I told you everything, it wouldn’t change what’s already in motion. Only you can do that and its better if you act not knowing.”

“How can you be so sure of that?” she demands.

Looking down at her hand, Rey can feel he wants to take it into his own. “I know from experience. I hated when I was told to just use the Force, to let it guide me, but I see now that’s it what I should have done. It’s why it still calls to me, even after I killed…”

Grabbing his hand, Rey takes it and she feels all of his pain hit her at once. It takes her breath away as his hand clenches around hers tightly. “It didn’t stop after you killed Han, killed your father,” whispers Rey.

Brushing a thumb across her cheek, Kylo wipes away a tear she did know had fallen. “After all this time, he actually saved a piece of me.”

His pain is too much for Rey to handle, moving to Kylo she lets go of his hand and hugs him around his middle. Surprise hits him hard but Kylo slowly puts his hands around her.

“You can still save yourself, I feel it,” Rey says into his robes. “You just have to try harder.”

His body shakes with silent bitter laughter. “It’s not about trying harder Rey.”

“It’s was Snoke, wasn’t it?” she says.

Leaning down, he presses a kiss to the top of her head, mostly in thanks for Rey trying to comfort him. “He’s always been there, in my head, telling me things,” he says firmly.

Brushing a hand over her hair, he holds her a littler closer to him. “If you really remember this dream Rey, don’t let him ever find you. He wants you, bad enough he’ll throw me away as soon as he has you. He’ll drain all the light from you, leaving you empty.”

Rey looks up to Kylo’s face. “He didn’t remove it all from you,” she says, knowing it to be true.

Touching her cheek, Kylo runs his hands down the side of her face. “It’s almost time now to go. I’m happy I had one good dream with you. I wish you could have had that house. She was so beautiful, our daughter. You should have gone inside, even just for a moment.”

His words hit Rey hard and they feel together an overwhelming emotion that draws them together. Leaning up, she reaches for him. “Kylo I,” Rey starts to say.

The first alarm goes off waking her. There’s a soreness in her chest that aches mysteriously. Placing her hand above her heart, Rey can see vague images and Kylo’s voice swimming through her head. It’s all jumbled but it feels important. Near her, the other bed creaks as Kylo sits up. Hux’s voice begins to talk, drawing his attention to the ceiling. Rey watches him as he grabs his pillow and screams into it.

Chuckling softly, Rey asks, “He has that kind of effect, doesn’t’ he?”

Letting the pillow drop to his lap, Kylo nods, his black hair sticking out the back of his wig. “Every morning?” he grumbles.

“Every single one,” replies Rey.

“Kriff,” he curses.

It’s been a week since that morning in the tunnels and Rey feels semi content as she can be in her current situation. Her back was healed completely days ago, the medic frowning and shaking his head at her for trying to just muscle through it. Kylo was nice enough not to rub it in her face that he was right but since then, his whole attitude had changed.

There was less of the dark Kylo and more of the mumbling Matt who was now always softly complaining about work. Del-Mara had stuck to Rey’s prediction of a week of hard work and when their one day of rest finally came, both of them had mostly just slept right through it. 

Throwing back her blankets, she recalls exactly what day it is. “Not to damp the mood but today we go back out to station thirty-five again,” she speaks up. 

He looks back to her over his shoulder. “Great,” groans Kylo. “I demand a whole pot of caf first.” 

Chuckling lightly, Rey puts her feet down on the cold floor and winces. “It's too early to make demands.”

“I’m making this one,” he says, standing up and shuffling to the room with the toilet.

Despite how light the mood is between them now, she feels it darken when she reaches down to dig out her hidden datapad. Rey needs to send her report out today otherwise they’ll think something is wrong. After Kylo is sound asleep, she’s worked on the report in bits. His name is still nowhere on it but she did mention a Matt, that’s he's been helping her despite not knowing her true intentions.

Walking to her locker, she stuffs the datapad into a hidden pocket. Rey will have to give herself time to send it but out at station thirty-five sounds like a good place to do it. Kylo has become competent enough that she’ll be giving him some of the work to do himself. It’ll allow her the alone time that she’ll need.

Hearing him shave in the other room, she looks to the closed door. They have lived and worked side by side for over a week now and Rey hates she’s starting to think of him more as Matt than Kylo Ren. There’s other things she’s starting to think about him now too, feelings she’s not sure how to deal and process.

Luke had told her once about how the ocean can wear down rocks slowly over time. It reminded her much of how sand could do the same, eating away bit by bit at metal. She had understood his meaning but now it felt like she was the one being worn down. Kylo did it with his quick lived smirks and dry jokes that would roll off his tongue at the most unexpected times. She even laughed at a few, which he looked so surprised by. Banter between them was now becoming commonplace.

The other door opened and he walked out with a fresh looking face. “It's all yours,” he said moving to go get his clothes.

“Thanks,” said Rey who then went in to wash her face but left the door open. “You may want to skip the refresher this morning,” she spoke up over her shoulder. “Bathe in the afternoon like last time.”

“Good idea,” he called back and Rey could see him glancing at her in the mirror.

Brushing her teeth, she ignored him and then turned the water to hot. It felt good being able to clean herself this way. The water felt almost magical by how clean she could feel after washing with it. Before leaving Jakku, the only times she had washed without sonics was during the short and brief times the storms came. Standing out in the rain, Rey would let it fall on her and soak into her clothes. The storms never lasted long, just letting enough water would fall that life could barely hang on by it. 

Wiping the water from her face with a towel, Rey looked into the mirror and saw Kylo’s back as he pulled on a white undershirt. There was a brief moment she could see an assortment of scars and one large puckered mark dug into his side. Turning off the water, she looked down at it as it drained away.

When the fear Rey normally associated with their fight didn’t arise, it left her just worried as to what that could mean. Hux’s voice was still going on, speaking about how he’ll crush the rebels, by rebels he meant people like her. Every morning he called out for death and every morning she ignored it but today Rey was having a harder time tuning him out.

“What’s wrong?” ask Kylo standing in the doorway.

Looking up quickly to him through the mirror, he saw her fear for a moment and became quickly worried. “Osira, what is it?” 

Putting the towel on a rack to dry, she looked down at her hands gripping the sink. “Its nothing. I guess I’m still a little tired.”

“After sleeping all day yesterday?” he scoffed.

Turning around, Rey looked him over. Kylo was so much taller than her and he took up most of the doorway. She really was tired, but it wasn’t from the week of hard labor, it was from a lifetime of it. For just that moment he looked so much stronger than she felt and her feet tried to move her closer to him, wanting to absorb just a little of it.

“You’re not ok,” he spoke up, leaning in just a little closer to her.

It was easy for Rey to forget she hates him, that they are enemies despite how they act and pretend to be otherwise now. Her head hits his chest and she’s partly grateful that he doesn’t have his vest on yet. Fear trickles from him as his hands grab her shoulders, holding her in place.

“Are you sick?’ asks Kylo, his voice shaking just slightly.

“No,” says Rey, her voice muffled by his uniform. “I’m just tired. Please, give me just a minute.”

His fingers curl and hold her still, Rey can feel even through the fabric of his uniform how warm he is. It only makes the matter so much worse. Turning her face slightly, Rey shuts her eyes and keeps her cheek flushed to him. There’s a soft beating, his heart pumping so steadily it drains most of her fear just listening to it.

“Alright,” he breathes out low. “Just one minute then.”

“Thank you,” she whispers.

“Yeah, of course,” Kylo mutters before slowly rubbing her shoulders. “I’ve got you.”

When Rey pulls away finally on her own, they don’t say another word about what happened. Moving to wait outside, Rey dresses alone in the room before leaving to join him. Walking to the mess hall, she forces herself to lose her somber mood, having enough of it already. Looking up to Kylo, it takes her a moment but Rey is able to force a small smile to hold on her face.

“I noticed you and Peter have become chatty,” she says sounding amused.

A quick huff comes from him as he watches a pair of men walk by in crisp black uniforms. “He’s alright to talk to.”

“Just alright? You got pretty heated the other day,” chuckles Rey.

Rolling his eyes, Kylo shakes his head with a low groan. “I don’t want to get into it with you.”

Nudging his elbow, Rey smiles a little more genuine. “Tell me,” she prods. “You know you want to.”

Looking down at her, the frown he wears has no heat behind it. “Buttering me up isn’t going to work.”

“Who said I was?” she says innocently.

Kylo doesn’t look fooled as they turn down another hall. “I know your ways now,” he mutters.

“Do you?” Rey asks, her voice challenging him to prove it.

“Oh no,” he says holding up a finger. “No, no, no, no, don’t start with that. I still haven’t had any caf for you to do that.”

“Do what?”

Pointing at her, he looks almost a bit crossed. “That, with the eyes and the fake innocence. Save it for after breakfast." 

Rey pushes his elbow again and Kylo pushes right back as they come near the doors of the mess hall. It’s quiet as it usually is in the mornings but it doesn’t take long once people start to eat, for conversations to build in volume and length. Kylo does keep to his word and puts two large cups of hot caf on his tray, loaded with milky sweeter so much its now a pale tan. Rey goes for a something sweet herself, taking one of the last muffins. Leaving the line, they barely get through the door way before running into someone they know.

“Ooo is that muffin for me?” asks Amaza holding an empty tray.

Rey shoots her a dark glare, “Touch it and I’ll bite your fingers off.”

Kylo stops by Rey’s side and looks down at her, Amaza takes a step back and looks to him. He shrugs saying, “Rough morning.”

“I can see that,” she mutters. “I’ll just go get my own muffin.”

“You do that,” she says with a warning.

Putting a hand to Rey’s back, Kylo pushes her along. “We are walking away now.”

Looking up at him, she stares, knowing exactly what he’s doing but still goes to where he’s leading. “I’m still the boss you know.”

“Of course, never crossed my mind you weren’t,” Kylo says with a thick layer of sarcasm.

There are two empty spots at the table Peter is sitting at and Rey isn’t surprised that’s where Kylo directs them. She takes a seat and digs in without even a hello to Peter. He watches her, always surprised at the pace. Kylo picks up one of his caf and takes a good long sip.

“Ignore her,” he says putting his cup back down. “She’s being territorial.”

“She’s what?” laughs Peter, unsure what he means.

Rey glares at both of them quickly before stuff a piece of meat into her mouth. Peter bristles but Kylo looks completely unaffected.

“Did the new fighter land today?” mutters Kylo to Peter. 

“It did,” he says with his eyes lighting up. “I had to get up early to be on deck for it. You should see it, man, they made some _great_ upgrades.”

“Like what?”

Leaning in closer across the table, Peter glances around and whispers. “I didn’t see it in action first hand but there’s some new type of weapon they got on it. Mean looking. I heard they might be doing the test runs for it here. I also heard security might be tightening up soon because of it. You can’t be too sure, you know?”

Sipping from his caf again, Kylo nods. “That’s true, you have to be careful of spies.”

A sharp choking sound comes from Rey and both turn to see her turning red. Kylo acts quickly, giving her back a good slap. Swallowing hard, she takes a quick gasp of air before reaching for her water.

“Slow down there, don’t kill yourself now,” Kylo softly scolds.

Frowning deeply at him, Rey reaches for a bowl of his orange fruit. Slapping her hand away, Kylo glares right back. “Don’t push your luck Osira, I actually like that dish.”

“Fine,” she huffs and withdraws away, to finish cleaning every bit from her tray minus her muffin.

“Where does she put it all?” speaks up Peter.

Kylo shakes his head and reaches for his fork. “Don’t ask me, I just work and live with her.”

Eating her muffin, Rey listens carefully to the conversation between the two men. Kylo appears to be interested in what Peter has to say but she notices him glancing at her from time to time, checking if she’s listening. It’s hard for her not to wonder if maybe he’s helping her, that maybe he’s guessed she’s with the Resistance after all. Even if he did, Rey doesn’t understand why he would. Kylo was with the First Order of course. That is, unless that’s was why he was hiding, that he wasn’t no more. 

Looking up to Kylo, Rey stares, hating she can’t just use the Force to pluck what she wants to know from him. He notices her looking and gives her a questioning stare. Not answering him, she stand and gathers her empty tray. 

“You finish up, I’ll run by the dispatch desk and get our work sheet,” announces Rey. 

A startled look passes through Kylo. “Are you sure? I can go with you.”

She smiles and shakes her head no, “It’s fine, enjoy your caf. I’ll be back before you know it.”

Watching her return her tray and leave, Rey isn’t sure of what to make of his odd expression he’s suddenly wearing. It’s as if he’s almost sad to see her go. Not wanting to think about why that is, she hurries to the dispatch desk and finds a short line ahead of her. Waiting in it always feels slower than it is but her turn comes quickly enough. Taking the paper, sure enough, there is an order for station thirty-five on it.

Turning around, Rey jumps back as spots Del-Mara staring at her. “Stop doing that!” she shouts.

“Doing what?” asks the supervisor.

“Sneaking up on me. How do you even do that?” says Rey, holding the paper to her chest.

Del-Mara smiles, looking thoroughly pleased. “Practice,” she says. “I’ve been keeping an eye on you and Matt. You’ve done good work this week.”

“I’m still upset over that job in section eight,” says Rey sounding more than just unhappy.

Laughing lightly, she crosses her arms over her chest. “I would be more surprised if you weren’t. You handled it just fine from what I saw. I did go personally check your work for myself.”

Rey feels her stomach drop just a bit. “You did?”

“Of course, just that one. I needed to see if you could handle it and direct a new worker with little or no experience at all. Seems Matt is coming along nicely,” Del-Mara says with a sharp glint in her eye.

It's not hard for Rey to see Del-Mara is plotting something, what exactly it is, she doesn’t know. “Why did you need to find that out?”

A few workers notice them talking and quickly hurry along, Del-Mara watches them go with a knowing stare before looking back to Rey. “I’ll tell you that soon as I know it’s relevant to you knowing.”

“So that could mean never,” huffs Rey.

Del-Mara nods once, “It could, but I wouldn’t count on it not. I’ll have a better idea in a few weeks from now.”

Slipping her hand into her pockets, Rey studies at how she’s being looked at by the other. “What happens then?”

“Again, need to know and you don’t need to,” she says with a wave of her hand. “Carry on now and keep up the good work. It would be a shame if you ended up disappointing me Osira, I have such high hopes for you.”

Watching the older woman walk away, Rey feels a creeping sense of dread. She walks slowly back to the mess hall that is mostly empty now. Her face must give her emotions away because Kylo is quick to be on his feet when he sees her.

“I thought you would be right back?” he asks, moving towards her.

His tray isn’t on the table more and Rey doesn’t know how to feel that he waited for her. “Sorry, I ran into Del-Mara,” she says sheepishly.

“What happened?” he asks, now looking worried.

“I’ll tell you later,” Rey says looking down at the floor. “Let’s just go get started.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so new section begins, our journey on to the good stuff begins!


	15. The Burden Of Remembering

The first job of the day is right in the middle of an open hallway. Rey really hates jobs like this one, she much prefers work that take her to the more hidden sections of the base. Kylo doesn’t appear either to like it by the way he keeps scanning whoever is passing by. After a group in black officers uniforms pass, he leans in closer to her.

“So what happened?” whispers Kylo.

Rey reaches into the open panel and starts to unhook the part that needs to be replaced. “Not here,” she says. “We need to talk.” 

Handing the broke part to him, Kylo exchanges it for the new replacement and gives her a quick nod. “At the station then,” he says.

“We’ll go after this?” Rey asks low enough for only him to hear.

A tool goes sailing across the floor, both Rey and Kylo look up as a troop of Stormtroopers walk by laughing. The past few days Kylo had remarkable calm but he breaks it quickly with a sharp glare and a sudden gather of the Force. Rey almost reaches out to stop him but what Kylo’s ready’s is small. The Stormtrooper at the front suddenly tumbles and the man behind him goes down with him hard. Quickly turning away and keeping her down, Rey hands Kylo back a tool for another but he’s staring at the fallen Stormtroopers.

“Jerk face,” he sneers before handing Rey what she needs.

“If you keep things like that up, someone is going to notice,” she says a little harshly.

“Things like what?” he whispers in a slightly menacing tone.

Screwing down a set of bolts, Rey glances at him. “I’m not saying how, but I’m sure those Stormtroopers didn’t fall over on their own.”

Kylo’s shadow looms suddenly over her, drawing Rey’s attention. He’s incredibly close, near enough that she can smell the caf on his breathe. Darkly whispers to her, “We really should talk, shouldn’t we?”

Refusing to be intimidated by him, she remains strong against his penetrating stare. “Only if you want to tell me,” she says. “Whatever I’ve noticed, it stays with me.”

Backing away, Kylo moves to the toolbox and begins rummage through it, her words enough to calm him for now. With an even more serious topic on the horizon, Rey starts to think about the positives of slowing down. He swiftly removes her choice away by thrusting a metal cover for the panel into her view. Taking it from him, Rey locks it down into place then hands him her screwdriver. Kylo sets it inside and closes the toolbox. Standing together, they exchange a quick look before Rey reluctantly leads the way to the storage room.

Kylo only takes a moment to store the toolbox but Rey thinks on how the snow is something she should dread more than him. With a quick glance his way, she thinks about changing her mind on that thought. The way Kylo’s frowning, it reminds her that he could become the worst of her troubles for the day. Leaving the storage room, they walk together down a short hall to the changing rooms, both move to their lockers and being to change. Dressing in silence, Rey already wishes the room were a bit warmer before they would have to leave it to go venture out into the snow. 

A click near her hip draws her attention down and then up to Kylo. “I’ll lead this time,” he says.

“I can do it,” she tries to protest but he holds up a hand to silence her.

“Let me,” he says firmly. “I don’t want a repeat of last time.”

Lightly punching him in the shoulder, he takes it ease while rolling his eyes. “Last time was your fault,” Rey grumbles. “You slipped and almost took me with you.”

“I’m sorry!” Kylo yells.

He stares at her for a silent moment, the tugs on the hook to make sure its locked into place properly. “Ok? I won't happen again,” he says, sounding a touch exasperated. 

“I know it won't,” says Rey quietly. “Just be careful, I almost lost my fingers on those rocks.”

Zipping up his jacket, Kylo shows her both of his hands. “If I haven’t lost them yet, I don’t plan on doing so anytime soon.”

“Spoken like a man about to lose a hand,” she mutters.

Pausing tucking in his scarf, Kylo squints at Rey. “Did you just make a rhyme?”

Waving her hand in front of him, she shakes her head no. “You heard nothing out of me.”

He doesn’t take her joke well and shows his displeasure by grabbing her scarf and stuff it into her jacket harshly. Trying to push him away, Rey doesn’t miss him trying not to smirk now while harassing her. She wants to smile back that his sour mood is slipping away but he’s making more of a mess than helping her.

“I can do it!” she protests before her glasses get knocked sideways and her hair turns into a frizzy mess from all the static he’s generating.

Slapping at his hands again, Kylo takes a step back and snickers. Reaching up and touching her hair, Rey can hear it crackle with static. “What have you done?” she huffs.

“It doesn’t look that bad,” he says and then chuckles again.

“Fix it,” growls Rey.

Looking over to her locker, Kylo reaches in and pulls out her hat. Tugging it down on to her head, his fingers tuck in her hair and he even fixes her glasses. “Better?” he asks while looking over his work.

Reaching up to fix her scarf, Rey adjusts it and then touches her hat to check if it’s on right. Grumbling she says, “I guess.”

Moving to his own locker, he pulls out his pair of snows boots and then moves to a nearby bench to change into them. Digging around in her own locker, Rey pulls out her gloves and stuffs them into a pocket. She also pats her hidden pocket and feels the datapad is still there. Shutting the metal door with her boots in hands, she joins him on the bench.

Kylo is already tightening his, finishing the final belt, he then moves on to pulling on his own woolen hat. They finish quickly and she tries to glare at him to keep him from trying to check her over. He still does and Rey isn’t sure how to feel about being fretted over by someone, especially someone like him.

“Stop worrying,” she finally snaps. 

Bristling a bit, Kylo’s cheeks turn a touch pink. “I’m not,” he says a bit rushed.

Wanting her own bit of pay back, she motions for him to come closer and he does a little too easily. Rey tugs on various parts of his snow clothes to make sure everything is in place. She even gives the belt and hook a good tug to make sure it’s on tight enough. He looks amused the whole time and gets his reward in the form of her smacking him in the gut.

 Pulling up her face muff, Rey then slides down her goggles before throwing up her hood. Tugging hard on a set of cords, she tightens her hood more before moving to the door to head out. Copying her motions first, Kylo then walks to the control panel after and opens the door. Walking in, they wait as the room seals itself first before Kylo moves to opens the final door. It slides open quickly and a hard gust of wind and snow rushes in. They both brace themselves against it and start the long walk to the station. 

Taking the first few steps into the heavy snowdrifts, Rey finds it so deep that it comes up to her knees. If it gets any higher, she knows she’ll have a much harder time walking through it. Looking ahead, Kylo with his longer legs is doing better but the wind pushes hard at his taller frame. With an arm raised, he blocks the icy snow from hitting his goggles too harshly. Even with it being early in the day, the clouds are so thick barely any light gets through, leaving them in a world stuck in perpetual dusk.

Making it to the halfway mark, the wind starts to pick up, hitting both of them hard and suddenly. Curling down to get under it, Rey can barely see Kylo a few feet from her. A gust rockets past them and she sways, crying out as her footing starts to slip. Her hand hits the snow, sinking in and finding no purchase to support herself on. Ice finds its way in through the cracks of her clothing, biting and clawing at any skin it finds.

Strong hands take her by the arms and Rey is put back on to her feet. She looks up and finds Kylo hunching down to block as much of the wind and snow as he can. His mouth is moving under the muff but she can’t hear him. Shaking her head, Rey tries to shout back but the wind takes both of their voices away with it. Falling back on to hand signs, she points away, asking to go on. Kylo shakes his head no and points down, for them to stay put.

Bending down towards her feet, he starts to sweeps back some of the snow and Rey quickly joins in. They work together to clear a small area that Rey squats down in while Kylo sits the best he can at the edge. His back is to the wind and Rey watches him fall still into a deep mediation. She feels his focus wash over her in a powerful wave, his control leaving her in slight awe The Force swirls around Kylo skillfully, forming a shield at his back. Most of the wind dies down but just in the hole, leaving Rey to hear now just how loud the wind is howling.

 They remain that way for almost an hour before the horrible gusts finally break. The wind dies all at once, so suddenly it spooks them both at the eerie calm that it brings in its absence. Reaching up, Rey pulls down on her muff.

“Are you ok?” she asks.

Sitting up more, Kylo shakes off the snow from his back and she feels him shed his control on the Force as well. He pulls down on his own muff and breathes out a large cloud of fog as his breath hits the cold air. There’s sweat too on Kylo’s face from having to focus for so long, but he seems in good spirits.

“I’m fine, cold enough for you yet?” he jokes.

“I think I could use a few more hours,” Rey says with a smirk. “Let’s just hope this will keep until we can get inside.”

Standing up, Kylo holds out a hand for her to take. “Let’s not waste any time then.”

Rey stares at the hand but he waits for her to slowly give in. Putting her hand in his, Kylo pulls her to her feet with ease. Looking for the next pole marker, Kylo keeps his muff down and starts to lead the way again. Rey follows his lead, keeping her muff down as well.

Watching her own breath come out in soft puffy clouds, Rey smiles and blows out an even bigger cloud. It dances around her face and she watches it slip away, vanishing into nothing. The snow is still falling around them, in slow light flakes that flutter and waver back and forth on their way down. One falls on Rey’s nose and she lets out a laugh before brushing it off. Kylo looks back over her shoulder and catches her with her mouth open, trying to eat a snowflake.

 “How old are you Osira?” he asks.

“Twenty,” she says after getting a flake to land on her tongue. “Why do you ask?”

“Just curious,” Kylo huffs and takes a careful step as they approach where the rocks are.

“How old are you?” Rey speaks up.

“Me?” he says, stopping to think. “I’m sure I’m thirty.”

Tugging on her scarf, Rey lets some hot air escape from under her jacket. “You’re not sure?”

Shaking his head, Kylo moves forward. “I stop counting birthdays a long time ago.”

They keep walking up the snowy hillside and Rey thinks about how she doesn’t know when her birthday is. She’s never had an actual day be important to her before. Having counted enough days of her life already, the thought of doing any more leaves Rey feeling uneasy. Just thinking of all those marks she’s made, brings up memories of her home. 

Stopping, Rey stands still looking down at all the white. The fallen AT-AT was no longer her home, that she knew for sure. If she had to call a place home now, it would have to be the Millennium Falcon. Simply because that’s where any of her possession were stored. Memories of Han arise too, all the nights she spent wandering the ship’s few halls alone. Just by touching the walls, Rey had felt its history through all the dips and grooves worn into it. Looking up to Kylo, he notices she’s stopped and he does the same. Turning around, he must she something on her face that gives her thoughts away.

“What is it?” he asks.

In his face Rey can see parts that remind her of Han. If looks longer, she’ll see General Organa soon too in him. The child of two people who have been in her life for a brief time, but have meant a great deal to her, stands before her. Rey doesn’t know what to do. Tears come to her eyes before she can stop them and sees Kylo turn a little paler.

“Osira,” he breathes out, before rushing over to her.

Putting his hands on her shoulders, Kylo looks her over, unsure what could be the cause of her tears. “Why are you crying?” he asks.

Covering her eyes, Rey wipes them and shakes her head. “It’s nothing,” she says but now that her emotions have bubbled up, she can’t stop them.

“Are you hurt?” asks Kylo, his voice shaking slightly. 

“No,” she says softly. “I just, I thought of something very… very sad.”

“Oh,” he breathes out in relief. “You scared me there for a minute.”

Wiping her eyes again, she looks to him. “I did?”

His mouth opens to answer but Kylo pauses, unsure to answer or not. Forgetting about it, he asks something else, “What were you thinking about?”

Pain stings at her heart and Rey looks down at his hands holding her. “I can’t say,” she whispers.

“Why not?”

“I was thinking of someone who was kind to me once, he’s dead now and I just,” says Rey before taking a deep breath to try and relax. “Do you ever miss anyone so much you just ache all over?” 

His hands grip Rey’s shoulders a little more tightly before letting her go. They stand in the snow apart, quietly breathing as she tries to dry the last of her tears away.

“Everyday,” he whispers, almost too low for her to hear.

“Yes, I do miss someone,” says Kylo a little more loudly. “A few actually. It’s not a good idea to dwell on such thoughts. They’ll only cause you pain. One that will grow until it wants to tear you in two. I wouldn’t let it if I were you, you have to let go and move on. If they aren’t here now, they can’t be any help to you.”

Wiping her nose on the back of her gloves, Rey looks bleary eyed at Kylo. “Is that what you do, just let them go? Forget about them completely?”

His gaze flickers about and there’s an intense anger that rages briefly before withering into a deep sadness. “I wish I could forget, it would be for the better if I did.”

A memory sparks in Rey’s mind, the word ‘forget’ ripping open something hidden within her. It comes all at once and too quickly, the images and sound jumbled in flashes. There’s green grass, a child, and then Kylo smiling. A dark room she remembers, hundreds of stars, but there is something wrong about them. She isn’t suppose to remember this, she knows it now as it settles in but remains elusive in its meaning.

Touching her temple, Rey sways and Kylo is there to catch her. “Osira!” he calls out, holding her limp body in his arms. “ _Osira_! _Answer me_!”

Rey’s eyes rolls back and the world ripples around her. Groaning as her head rolls to one side, on her wrist, the bracelet starts to vibrate. “No,” Rey says weakly, feeling something rises up within her. “No, stop.”

In her mind she can see their connect, a bond going from her into him. Its glowing so strongly now she’s scared he’ll see it too. If Kylo sees it, he might know, and all of her work will be for nothing. Powerless to stop it, the spark grows and then follows through the bond into him. Rey feels it hit, a sharp shock that has Kylo gasping before goes rigid, falling back into the snow and taking her down with him.

Falling on top, Rey pushes herself up weakly to see if he’s ok. Reaching over, she touches her wrist through the heavy jacket and feels the bracelet is still there. Under her, Kylo groans, dazed and out of it. Reaching out, Rey pats his cheek.

“Hey, hey are you alright?” she speaks up. “Matt? Answer me!”

“Why did I pick such a stupid name,” he moans.

Pulling her hands back, Rey frowns deeply. “Does this mean you’ll tell me your real name now?”

“Hardly,” he mutters. “What happened?”

“I don’t know, you just went stiff and fell backwards.” 

Lifting his head up, Kylo looks Rey as his hands gently take hold of her arms. “Did I knock you over?” 

She nods yes and puts her hands on his chest to get up, but Kylo holds her in place. Giving him a questioning look, Rey sees worry builds on his face. “I think,” he says slowly. “I think I remembered something.”

“What?” whispers Rey.

“I don’t know,” he says softly. “I just feel like I’ve forgotten someone. That I didn’t know I had forgotten them.”

Looking up towards the falling snow, Kylo blinks as a few flakes come to rest on his face. “Who? Who did you forget?” Rey asks.

Her words draw his gaze back to her and he lets her go now. Helping her off, Kylo sits up in the snow as she brushes some snow off herself. “I don’t know,” he mutters. “It's just… a feeling. 

“But you’re alright now, right?”

“Yes,” says Kylo firmly. Standing up, he does the same, patting chunks of snow off his pants. “But we can talk more about that inside. Come on, before anything else happens.”

Worry follows her the whole way to the station, the one thing Rey doesn’t need to think about is time. They had arrived early enough that if they take until lunch to get back, no one will care. They have hours to talk and Rey wonders if he knew about that the station was one of the few places there were no cameras or hidden microphones.

Stepping in through the door, Kylo shuts it behind her and they both start to undress. It’s mostly their jackets, scarfs, and hats that come off. They leave their pants and boots on and start the long walk down the stairwell. At the bottom, Rey takes a seat on the last few steps and motions for him to do the same. The stairs are just big enough that they both can fit side by side.

Before she can tell him, Rey wants to know if she’s right. “Did you pick here because you knew no one would be listening?” she asks, looking up at Kylo sitting on her right side.

“Yes,” he says with no hesitation. “I’m more surprised you know.”

Looking away, Rey slips her fingers together and idly twists them about over each other. “I doubt that you actually are.”

He makes a soft hum and rests his own arms on his knees, letting his hands hang freely between his legs. “What did Del-Mara say to you?" 

“It's what she didn’t say that worries me,” Rey replies with a huff. “Something is happening here on this base. She hinted strongly at that she’s going to maybe want me for whatever it is. That’s why I was tested, you were just a piece of it. To see if I could handle training someone like you.”

“So we are being honest now are we?” Kylo says dryly.

Picking at some grime under her fingernail, Rey shrugs. “As honest we want to be. You sound like you have a question for me?”

“I do, I want you to tell me what you know about me.”

She stops picking at her nail and takes a deep breathe in. “What do you mean by that?” Rey asks.

Turning his head, Kylo looks down at her. “I think you know who I am. You’re smart, playing dumb about it. It’s almost… flattering.”

“So you want me to confess, is that it?” she says, rubbing her hands together to warm them.

“Not yet, I’m enjoying this little game of ours,” Kylo says calmly. “But I am curious if you have the right name for me at least.”

“Next week,” says Rey. “I’ll tell you next week and you can tell me if I’m right, but I want something in return.”

When she looks up to Kylo, he looks interested in what she has to say. “What do you want?”

“A promise,” she says. “Your word that you won't try and hurt me and I’ll do the same for you. That we are on neutral ground here.”

A quick laugh leaves Kylo, shaking his head as he smiles at Rey. “Like you could hurt me.”

Pointing up at his face, “I wouldn’t laugh when you clearly wear the mark of someone who already has.”

“That’s was a stupid thing to say,” he growls before reaching out for her.

Rey intercepts his hand and holds it away before Kylo can grab her with his other. He tries to lung but Rey jumps first at him, pushing back into the stairwell wall. His back hits hard and only makes him angrier. They struggle, somehow evenly matched in strength as Rey keeps him pinned down with her knees into his hips.

“Stop it!” she yells.

“Get off of me!” he shouts back.

Both of their glasses get knocked around and Rey stupidly grabs for his hair. The wig comes off without much of a fight but she’s too busy grabbing his real hair. When his head is pulled back, chin pointing up at her, Kylo looks furious.

“I’m done playing nice you,” he snarls and Rey feels him getting ready to attack her with the Force.

As he gathers it, she feels it almost the same time he does, that someone else is in the station. Both of their heads turn towards the hall, frozen in their struggle. A set of footsteps echo off the walls, faintly at first but they can hear they are coming closer. Rey scrambles off Kylo and reaches down to snatch up his wig from the floor.

“Here,” she says quietly. “Put it on!”

Looking startled by what she’s offer, Kylo takes it and starts pulling it back on, his hand furiously tucking his black hair away. “We’re not done,’ he growls.

“Of course not,” she huffs. “Now who is it?” 

“How should I know?” he grumbles, tucking the last of his locks away.

Rey smacks him in the arm and he hits her back the same way. The two glare at one another, ready to go again but who ever is with them is just moments away. Together they look on as footsteps reach the door and it slowly opens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One cat is out of the bag, sort of.


	16. A Single Blue Pen

When the door opens, a man screams loudly upon seeing Rey and Kylo behind it before stumbling back through the doorway. Kylo’s arm moves out in front of Rey, blocking her partly as they both back up towards the stairs.

“ _OH MY STARS AND PLANETS_!” says the man holding a hand over his heart. “You two scared the _tinkle_ out of me!”

Rey pushes Kylo’s arm away and glares at him before walking closer to the new arrival. “What are you doing here?” she asks. 

“Me?” he says wiping a bit of cold sweat from his brow. “Oh I’m just out here running some diagnostics.”

“But that’s my job,” says Rey looking crossed.

“You?” says the man. Lifting a clipboard up that he was already holding, he glances over a sheet on it. “Oh I see you here, you’re not scheduled until after twelve hundred. What are you two doing here so early? Normally I never see another soul out at this station.”

Using the clipboard as a fan, the man waves it in front of his face slowly. “Wow, my heart is still just racing away after that scared.”

“What’s your name?” growls Kylo.

There is something in his tone that grabs a hold of Rey’s attention partly. She is tempted to look back at Kylo, but there’s a new feeling trickling from him. Not sure what to make of it, Rey can sense things like distrust and too much concern. The man stops fanning himself and moves a little past Rey towards Kylo while smiling. Kylo doesn’t take another step back, but he stands more upright, glaring down at the newly offered hand from the man to be shaken. 

“Tuc Zoger,” he says. “And you are?” 

Not interested in shaking Tuc’s hand, Kylo remains silent still until the other man gets the point. Tuc’s smile dies and he slowly pulls back his hand looking a little hurt. “I was on my way out so I’ll just be headin' then. It was nice to see I’m not the only one who has to make that awful walk.”

Following Kylo’s cue, Rey keeps her distance but she smiles at Tuc, trying her best to appear pleasant. “You walked all the way out here alone?”

Tuc doesn’t take his eyes off of Kylo when replying to Rey. “I use to, not anymore. I have a scooter parked on the side of the entrance. You must of missed it on the way it.”

“I’m sure you’re a busy man Tuc,” says Kylo. “My partner and I will get out of your way. Sorry for the scare.”

His words sound so practice and flat that it makes Rey feels very nervous as Tuc keeps on ignoring her. Everyone remains still for a moment too long but Tuc finally turns on his heels and looks to her.

“I’m so sorry miss, I didn’t get your name,” he says at her.

Opening her mouth, its Kylo who moves to block her again before she can speak. “We really should be going,” he says quickly. “It’s going to be a long day, you understand, its why we came out early. Nice meeting you Tuc.”

Still without a word in, Kylo’s arm moves around her shoulders and he pulls Rey along. So unsure what to do, she lets herself be lead past Tuc who watches them as they leave into the hallway. The door shuts but Kylo picks up the pace, his long legs making Rey struggle to keep up.

“Don’t say a word,” he whispers so darkly it scares her even more.

At the end of the hall, he pulls away quickly, moving like a man on a mission. Scanning the room, Rey watches him look between every crack and opening thoroughly. It’s almost fascinating to see Kylo move about with such determination, his eyes and fingers leaving no space unchecked. What ever he’s looking for, the longer it takes for him not to find it, the more frustrated he becomes.

After going through the whole room, he stops and turns to Rey. “There’s nothing here,” he says displeased.

“What are looking for?” she asks and then leans to look in between two pipes he’s already checked.

“Anything,” Kylo says with a heavy sigh. “I don’t trust that man.”

Keeping her voice low, she looks to him. “He was a little strange, but why him? Do you know him?” 

“No,” he grumbles. “I didn’t like the way he was looking at me.”

Sticking her hand in between a break in the wall, Rey feels around for anything hidden but only pulls back a cobweb. Her face twists in disgust as she shakes it off from her hand.

“Ugh,” she groans and even Kylo takes a step back to keep it from it falling on his boot. “I don’t think anything is here.”

Showing his displeasure at their situation, Kylo suspiciously looks about as Rey can feel it now from him. Normally his emotions would come to her in waves, they hold feelings and even sometimes sensations at times. What Rey feels now is sharp, it slaps against her hard and it’s never the same feeling twice. Feeling a little disoriented by the way his frustration and anger collided and spark, Rey sighs trying to block him.

Growling he walks quickly down the metal walkway and then turns around at the end, stomping back loudly. Kylo looks ready to breath fire. Holding her ground as he crowds into her personal space, Rey looks up to meet his dark stare. Pointing a finger at her face, Kylo sneers but she knows it’s more at what happened then at her.

“We’re not done talking but I’m not doing it here,” he says in a low whisper. “I haven’t made it this far by not heeding caution.”

Throwing her hands up, Rey thinks he’s being paranoid but she won't fight him on this. “Fine, we’ll talk later, at that place I showed you.”

Leaning in even closer, Kylo’s finger is still hovers in her face. “And we are _talking_.”

Pushing his hand away, she rolls her eyes at Kylo. “I heard you the first time,” Rey whispers with a hiss. 

There’s a dark thought she has suddenly, a small one that entails her snatching his wig off again but she lets the thought go quickly. Not wanting to actually get into a fight with him, Rey remains calm and level headed. She is sick of this already, of pretending he isn’t Kylo. Maybe once they talk, she’ll stop looking at him and thinking she sees a man named Matt.

Somewhere a door creaks open and the two turn to look in the direction it came from. Rey moves first and then Kylo follows, walking back to the main walkway they see Tuc moving towards them. He waves with a smile, looking rather happily. Rey waves shyly back until Kylo smacks her back, a clear tell for her to stop. They exchange glares and mouth silently at one another but neither gets any point across before Tuc reaches them.

“Hey sorry, I forgot something. You haven’t seen a blue pen laying around anywhere, have you?” he asks, looking again more at Kylo then Rey.

“I didn’t see one,” she speaks up first then looks up to Kylo. “Have you?”

“No, haven’t seen a blue pen,” Kylo grumbles with a bitter face.

Sometimes drops and all three look down at the noise. “Oh, there it is,” says Tuc, pointing to behind the both of them.

Kylo turns to reach down to pick it up as Rey watches Tuc look at Kylo. It all suddenly clicks in her head, causing her cheeks to bloom into a bright red. Standing back up, he hands over the pen to Tuc and their fingers brush.

“Thank you,” says Tuc with a beaming smile. “I’d be lost without you to help me.”

“Uh, sure,” says Kylo back, looking slightly confused while Tuc obviously looks him over. When he can’t talk it any long, Kylo blurts out, “We have to get back to work now.”

“Oh of course!” says Tuc a little sadly. “Sorry, I’ll be on my way now for real this time.” Slipping his pen into a pocket, Tuc hurries on off and both Rey and Kylo watch him go without a word.

The door opens and then shuts and Rey is no longer able to hold in her laughter. Covering her mouth, she tries to keep the voice down but it seems a bit impossible to do and she doubles over.

“ _What_? What’s so _funny_?” demands Kylo, anger and even more confusion coming off of him in heavy waves.

Rey just laughs harder as her knee’s bend, bringing her down into a crouch. “Oh, oh,” she gasps, trying to give herself air by waving her hand at her face. “He’s not,” she tries to say.

“He’s not _what_?” snaps Kylo. 

Wiping her eyes, she looks up to him with a big wide smile. “He’s not a spy, he likes you. When you bent over, Tuc checked out your bottom. I saw the whole thing!”

In seconds Kylo’s face has gone completely red and he stares furiously down the hall Tuc left through. Rey can feel him think about wrecking something but her chuckling pulls his attention back to her. If it was any other situation than now, Rey would be surely be scared at the way he’s glaring at her. Instead she just laughs harder. 

“Are you done?” he shouts and Rey shakes her head yes, trying to settle down.

Needing to burn off some of his anger, Kylo starts to pace back and forth. Again she can feel him thinking, turning all he knows about what happened over and over. His actions are enough to sober her humor, she stops laughing and just watches him for a bit moving this way and that. On Jakku, Rey has seen people catch some of the wild life and his moves reminded her of one of them in a cage, waiting for a way out or a chance to strike.

“Matt,” she speaks up while wiping her eyes.

He stops his pacing and looks to Rey, waiting for her to go on. Clearing her throat first, Rey stands and motions for him to follow. “I think there is an office around here, let's find it and talk,” she says calmly.

After turning down a few different walkways, Rey finds the small office she had noticed before. The door is locked but it doesn’t mean much to her. Pulling out a multitool she keeps in her vest, the lock doesn’t last long before it clicks open for Rey. The room is small, holding just a few things, but there are two chairs inside and its all she needs. Moving them out into the small area before the office, Rey sits down in one and leans back, happy to be off her feet. There is also a railing near by that she takes advantage of by putting her feet up on it. Kylo sits down in the other seat and copies the same position he sat in on the stairs, hunched over and arms on his legs with his hand hanging 

“Why don’t you take that thing off, just looking at it makes my head itch,” Rey says while looking at Kylo.

He seems a touched shocked but dipping his head down more, he pulls off the blond wig and holds it between his hands. Looking down at the floor, he studies the grating as he gathers his thoughts.

“It does itch,” he says, his voice much quieter now. “How did you know?” 

Resting her hands on her stomach, Rey leans back a bit more and stares at the ceiling. “It’s not a very good wig, your hair pokes out more times than you know. I’ve tried to get you to notice and fix it before without giving you away.”

Seeing him move in her peripheral, Kylo;s head turns towards the direction of the bathroom. “I see,” he says.

Rey is more than a little shocked by how calm he’s acting. She was expecting something more but its then she knows and can feel how this is hard for him. Kicking her feet off the railing, Rey sits up and turns her chair to face him. He looks to her and she’s taken back for a moment as his hair hangs around his face like a black curtain. The dark color makes his facial scar pop more, almost glowing in the florescent lighting. 

“I know you’re Kylo Ren,” she says. “I knew it from the first time I saw you.”

Hearing his name has a steeling effect on Kylo, his gaze sharpens as he slowly sits up a little more. “So you do know,” he speaks low. “How?”

“How do you think?” Rey asks back. 

Looking her over, Kylo speaks frankly. “You’re with the Resistance, aren’t you?”

“Yes, what are you going to do about it now?” she says, knowing she’s ready for anything that could come from her admittance.

“Nothing,” Kylo replies much to her surprise. “I won't get in your way, whatever you are doing. Just answer me this, did the General send you here to spy on me?”

Searching his eyes for answers, Rey finds nothing and feels frustrated that she can’t just reads his thoughts. “No,” she says too honestly. “She doesn’t even know you are here. No one does.”

His eyes widen in surprised. “Why don’t they? If you knew then why haven’t you said anything?”

Rey’s fingers curls into her palms as she looks down, watching them move. “Because they would pull me out and I don’t want that. I thought I could complete my mission even with you at my back.”

A bitter laugh comes from Kylo and Rey watches him push a hand back through his hair. “You are either very clever or very dumb.”

“Is that what you think of me?” she asks, not meaning to.

His eyes narrow at her but he takes a moment to sweep his hair back again, itching his scalp slightly in the process. “I don’t know what I think of you.”

“Why are you here?”

The hand in his hair drops back down to rest on his leg and Kylo sighs. “I’m not answering that. What’s your real name?”

“I can’t tell you that,” Rey says quietly. “If you don’t know, it’s for the better.”

“Should I know you?” he asks while studying her face. “I don’t recognize you. Did I kill someone you knew? A friend? A mother? A lover perhaps?”

Unable to hold his gaze, she looks over to a set of pipes. “A friend,” whispers Rey.

“You are very strange Osira, putting yourself so close to a person like me. You’re slipping, aren’t you? You leaning on me this morning, that wasn’t an act, was it?”

His voice is sharp and Rey feels it cut her to her core. He’s so right about her and it’s too much for Rey to handle. There are things she doesn’t want to think about or pay any attention to, but he’s noticed and that scares her.

Strangely compelled to speak the truth, she nods slowly yes. “No, that wasn’t an act.” 

Leaning forward more in his seat, Kylo stares almost unblinking at her. “What do you think of me?”

Shutting her eyes, Rey shivers and hates the answer that her mind and heart jump at. “I don’t want to answer that.”

“Answer it,” he snaps.

Looking at Kylo, Rey tries to plead silently with her eyes alone to not be pushed, but there is no kindness to be found in his gaze. “I don’t know.”

Reaching a hand out, her chair moves suddenly as Kylo pulls Rey closer to him with the Force. She holds on but it doesn’t slide far, just enough to make their knees brush together.

“That was the wrong answer,” he says almost gently.

The sound of his voice makes Rey shiver as her feet try and push the chair back and away. Kylo reaches across and puts his hands on the arms of her chair. “Tell me,” he says, “Say it.”

Getting mad, she sits up right as much as she can and meets his gaze with a burning stare of her own. “What do you want me to say?” she shouts. “That I’m curious about you? That I like talking to you? I hate myself for wanting that, after you… did what you did. I hate you.”

“But not entirely,” whispers Kylo as he looks back and forth between both of her eyes.

“No,” says Rey, feeling a piece of herself break and crumble away. “Not entirely.”

One of Kylo’s hands lifts up and he touches her jaw gently. Holding it, he lifts her chin and studies her face carefully. “I might not know who you are in name but you do hold your own interest I can appreciate. If I help you, the First Order’s enemy, what will you give me?”

“What?” breathes out Rey, unsure what he’s asking. “But you wouldn’t, you’re with them.”

His thumb strokes her jaw slowly and Kylo makes the softest of hums. “I worked with them but I’m not apart of them. I have my own reasons, which will remain mine, but I can help you Osira. Just for now until I’m finished here.” 

“Why would you do that?” she demands. 

His fingers grip her firmly, forcing Rey to keep looking at him. “I told you, I have my reasons. All you need to know is they can line up with yours. I have no wish to see this base finished. That is why you are here, right? To stop its completion? Not that you have been doing that good of a job of it. You are a little too good at your work Osira.”

Thinking on what he’s said, she takes her time to process it all and Kylo waits patiently for her to. “What is it you want?” Rey finally asks, trying to stay brave and strong.

“A promise, that you’ll let me walk away after we’re through here. When do you leave?”

Licking her lips, she feels her mouth is starting to become too dry. “Three months, minus a week now.”

Glancing away for a moment, Kylo thinks of what date that is and seems pleased. “That’s plenty of time for me. Give me your word and we’ll have a deal.”

Reaching up, Rey grabs his wrist but she doesn’t put in much of a fight to pull his hand away. “How do I know you’ll keep to your end? That this isn’t just a set up?” 

A sly smirk comes to his lips and Rey can’t quite look away from it. “You’ll just have to trust me. Can you do that? Knowing what you know about me? That I killed your friend, that we are interested in one another?”

Pulling his hand down, she holds it away as Kylo glares at what she’s done. “I can if you keep your promise,” says Rey. “That you don’t hurt me or try to. If you can do that, I’ll trust you.”

Lowering and turning his hand, Rey notices Kylo look down at her wrist, the one he kissed before. Her cheeks flush as she feels him thinking about how it felt to do so. “Let go,” he whispers. 

Her fingers betray herself by doing so but Kylo’s hand doesn’t move far. He moves it to under hers and takes a gentle hold of Rey’s wrist. Like before, she can’t move as Kylo leans in and places a kiss to the center of her palm.

 “I promise,” he says, sending warm air over his skin that prickles in reaction. 

Clenching her fingers, they brush his nose lightly as he withdraws back. “Stop that,” Rey whispers, a begging plead for him not to go any further.

“I will, if you tell me honestly tell me you hated that,” Kylo says sounding rather pleased.

“It was awful,” Rey rushes to say, it only makes Kylo chuckle warmly. “I hated it.”

Letting her wrist go, he bends down and starts to work his wig back on. After tucking his hair back under, Kylo looks to Rey and says very seriously, “If I ever hear you call me Kylo, the deal is broken. No one can know I’m here, not even in your report, which I’m sure you have been waiting to send out.” 

“I have,” she breathes out, “And I didn’t. I said a man named Matt was helping me but he didn’t know that he was. That’s it about you.”

“Good. That’s very good,” Kylo says a little too happily for her liking. “I’m starting to see why you were the one sent here. Anyone can fix something but you, there is something else, isn’t there, about you.”

“I wouldn’t know,” she mutters. “I’m just here to work, I never lied about that.”

“No you didn’t,” huffs Kylo. “Was there anything else left to talk about or are we done here?” 

Wiping a bit of sweat from her brow, Rey feels her heart beating rather quickly. “In the snow, what happened? You said you forgot someone, who is it?”

His confidence shies away from him and Kylo leans back away from Rey. “I don’t know, I told you, I can’t remember them. I only know I forgot someone important. It happened when I…”

Kylo’s voice goes silent and he stares intensely at Rey for a bloated moment. “Why can’t I sense your thoughts?” he asks. “Ever since we’ve met, you’ve been blank to me but you’ve notices things, things you shouldn’t have.” 

Looking down at her wrist, Rey feels her blood turn to ice when Kylo stares at the one with the bracelet. “That thing you wear,” he says pointing to her wrist. “It’s what blocks you from me. Isn’t it?”

“Y-Yes,” she says as fear chokes her slowly. “I won't take it off so don’t even ask.”

Waving a hand at her, he dismisses Rey. “I wasn’t going to. Keep it on for all I care but that’s a clever little trinket they’ve made for you. I’m sure it was given to you just in case of me.”

Touching her wrist, she moves the bracelet around in a circle. “That is what I was told.”

He hums again, getting lost in thought for a minute. “It was probably the bracelet then, that caused what happened in the snow. If I was you, I would examine it to be sure it hasn’t become damaged. Wouldn’t want anything bad to befall you now, not when we are becoming such good friends.”

Rey’s eyes narrow, unsure at his tone and even more so when a hint of a smirk starts to tug at the corner of his lips. Looking at his mouth, she thinks of how Kylo touched her palm with them, how soft and warm they felt. Her stomach twists itself into knots but it feels different this time, the pain is deeper and lower.

“Maybe,” says Rey quietly. “I’ll look at it later. We should get started on the work here before we’re gone too long.”

“You never stop, do you?” he asks but doesn’t wait for her to answer. Standing up, Kylo smirks at Rey. “It’s one of the things I like about you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not the person you were expecting at the door eh?
> 
> I just wanted to take a moment to thank anyone for making it this far, wow you are amazing. If you left any kudos, bless your heart. If you commented, wow, a superstar right there. Feel free to leave as many as you like, long or short and I will do my best to reply.
> 
> Bonus!  
> [First fanart done by supernovafirefly](http://supernovafirefly.tumblr.com/post/141230936340/wanted-to-do-some-tfaghibli-crossovers-to) (I am screaming someone drew art for this fic!!)  
> [I also made a photoset!](http://ellensama.tumblr.com/post/141399206972/its-better-if-we-just-pretend-the-deeper-i-look)


	17. Something To Remember Me By

“How is this going to work?” asks Rey. 

Scratching at the back of his neck, Kylo grunts slightly as some of his hair slips out. “How is _what_ going to work?”

Pressing her lips tightly together, Rey breathes out audibly through her nose, sounding upset and frustrated. “Now that I know, you can keep it off until we leave." 

“No,” he says between clenched teeth. “If that _Tuc_ comes back, I’ll have to wipe his memory. I’m fine, just go on with whatever you were going to say.”

“Look,” says Rey sharply. “Just come here and I’ll do it.”

Pulling his hand down, Kylo reacts as if she’s burned him. “I said I’m fine!” he shouts.

Waving a hand towards his head, she shakes her head as her patience starts to wear thin. “It’s still sticking out, you can’t do it right without a mirror. Just let me fix it."

“I said I don’t _need_ your help!” he shouts before reaching up and trying again.

Walking over to him, there is a striking look of determination on Rey’s face. Even Kylo freezes when she storms up to him and glares fiercely at him. “Put your hands down,” she orders him. 

Opening his mouth to tell he no, Rey is quicker to shut him down. “ _Now_!” is snapped at him, her tone holding no room to be argue within.

Doing as he was told him to, Kylo slowly lowers his hands and Rey with a jerk of her hand, directs him to bend down. An angry growl rumbles from him first but he does bend down enough for her to reach. Carefully Rey’s fingers slip under the elastic and she brushes the black lock that was refusing to remain hidden under it. Tracing the edge of his wig, she’s through with her work and ensures nothing else is missed.

Lifting a spot up at his temple, Kylo turns his head slightly, just enough to look up at her. Pushing in more of his hair, a simple smile blooms on Rey’s lips. “That’s much better now,” she says pleased with her work.

Standing back up slowly, Rey’s fingers graze his cheeks as their eyes meet. He stops moving when her hands don’t seem ready to leave his skin, they follow his jaw line and gently touch his chin. Tilting her head, Rey looks at his scar she’s given him. Biting down on her bottom lip, Rey bravely moves her hand and touches the edge gingerly.

“Does it still hurt?” she whispers.

Kylo looks her in the says and says softly, “No, not any more.” 

They stare at one another, Rey trying to find an answer to a question she doesn’t know yet and he just looks lost. If it’s within her own gaze or his thoughts, Rey can’t be sure. His hand covers hers and she feels herself flinch in shock. Pushing her hand, Kylo shuts his eyes and guides her fingers along the deep groove in his face.

“Sometimes it just feels sore, like I’ve been kicked in the jaw. When its cold, then it itches and can ache,” he says in a voice too gentle for Rey’s liking. “But no, it doesn’t hurt, not really.”

There is no regret in her heart for causing such a wound, Kylo does deserve it and any pain or discomfort it causes him. Touching the end of the mark, he lets her hand go and Rey retraces his scar back down to his jaw. He’ll never be rid of it now, that is clear to her and she feels too many emotions at once about that fact. It all swells in her chest, making her feel warm and strange. As if a spell has been casted upon her, she tilts her head more and looks up to see that Kylo still has his eyes closed.

Pressing a soft kiss to the scar, Rey feels strangely happy that he’ll never forget her. That someone will remember her, fondly or with hate, it doesn’t matter, just that he will. Pulling away, Kylo is looking at her now with eyes that question her fiercely.

“Why did you do that?” he asks.

There are too many reasons she could say but Rey distills them into the simplest sentence she can form. “Because I could,” she says. 

Kylo takes a step back and moves out of Rey’s reach, rising to his full height and looking completely untouchable. Dropping her hands, she feels a bitter sting but quickly ignores it. Whatever the mood was that was hanging about them is gone, it leaves her feeling cold and slightly ashamed. 

“How is this going to work?” Rey asks again. “Are you willing to keep acting as we have up to this point? As Osira and Matt?”

“I’m fine with that,” speaks Kylo and Rey flinches again. His voice sounds like dark steel, too close to what he sounds like in his mask. “It’s worked so far, why bother changing it now?”

Taken aback by his question, Rey swallows her fear and something thicker and heavier with no name. Lifting her chin in defiance, she stands as tall as she can. “I just wanted to make sure we are on the same page. I don’t want any slip up’s. I won't be the reason my cover is blown.”

Looking away from her, Kylo stares at the chair she had been sitting in. “Neither will I then,” he says.

Following his gaze, she doesn’t understand what he’s doing but quickly decides not to care. “Good,” Rey huffs. “I have something to do, you can handle reporting the readings, can’t you?”

His head turns with a quick snap but the flare up of anger she feels from him settles down. “Of course.” 

Reaching down into her pocket, Rey pulls out the comlink and walks to Kylo to hand it over. Putting his hand out, she drops it into it, not wanting to risk touching him again. Kylo’s fingers curl around it as she slowly backs away.

“I’ll leave it to you then,” mutters Rey before rushing off to find a quiet spot alone.

The station stretches in many directions out from the main area. Normally one would never need to venture farther out but Rey hurries down the long thin tunnels until she finds a juncture where two halls meet. There’s enough space for her to sit and its all her legs need to beg to give out from under her. Falling more than bending down, she pulls her legs to her body and pushes her face into her knees. The last thing Rey wants to do is cry, so she fights it as hard as she can.

The fight doesn’t last long, she’s cried too much already in her life and not much remains left in the form of tears with in her. Taking a calming breath in, Rey leans her head back and blinks away any extra moisture. Pushing down her pain, her sadness, and everything else that Kylo has caused her to feel, Rey focuses on what needs to be done. Reaching into her hidden pocket, she pulls out the datapad there and turns it on.

It doesn’t take long for it to start up and she starts to go through the safety checks to ensure her message will get through. It takes a few minutes but a locked signal is reached and Rey starts to transmit her report. A status bar appears, slowly moving its way to the right as she hears a voice distantly echo off the walls. It’s hard to hear if he’s shouting or just speaking loudly but Rey doesn’t care. If he runs into any problems, he can handle it without her.

The report she sending isn’t large but it still takes a while to complete. A soft ping indicates it’s done and Rey turns the datapad back off before hiding it away again. The cold floor has made her stiff so she stretches up as high as she can, letting her back pop and her calves burn just a little from it. Much like how she would ready herself in the mornings, Rey goes through a few more stretches to really loosen her body. It melts some of her stress away and when she’s ready to face Kylo again, Rey feels much lighter.

It’s not surprising in the least that she finds Kylo by the sound of his voice. The closer she gets back to the main area, the louder she can hear him shouting. Walking around a corner, she sees him down a hall in front of a screen. The comlink is clenched in his hand and he’s shouting down at it.

“I told you the number! It’s not my fault you can’t find it in your system _BOB_! What sort of stupid name is _Bob_ anyways?! _Me_? Who am _I_? I’m Matt! What did you just call _ME_?! Oh I dare you to, LISTEN HERE YOU PIECE OF,” he screams.

Hurrying to him, Kylo doesn’t notice Rey until she snatches away the comlink from him. “You’re back,” he says surprised, looking her over from head to toe.

“ _You_ said you could handle it!” she shouts.

It only takes less then a second for Kylo to become just as angry as her again. “I WAS! Until kriffing _BOB_ there did something and now he can’t verify anything! This isn’t _my fault_!”

Pushing him out the way, Rey looks the screen over then shoots him a razor sharp glare. “Stand there and keep your mouth SHUT!”

Kylo’s hand shoots and jabs a finger out, pointing it right at her face. “I’m going to find that man and I’m going to snap his neck. I don’t care what deal we have, _NO ONE_ talks to _ME_ like that!”

“What did I just say?” growls Rey before waving her own fingers at his face. “You’re mouth, _SHUT IT_!”

“You tell him, he’s a dead man,” hisses Kylo before storming off away from her.

Wanting to scream, she tries to calm down but Kylo is making some awful noise by throwing one of the chairs into a wall. Looking over just in time to see the other go sailing by, Rey groans low at her horrible situation she’s deep with in.

“What did I ever see in him,” she whispers softly and then clicks on the comlink. “Hello, is this Bob? This is Osira, my partner was badly in need of a break, how can I help you?” 

It takes a moment but a man’s voice speaks back but it comes out high and angry. “Are you in charge of him? That Matt?”

“Yes,” she says back. “I am sorry about,”

“Save it,” snips Bob, cutting her apology off. “Look our systems are down right now, you’ll have to wait until we can get them back up. I’ll contact you as soon as they are.”

Feeling a touched annoyed herself, Rey still kept her voice light and professional. “I understand that, do you have any idea how long that will take?”

A scoff comes from the comlink, “How should I know, I only run the system, not fix it. Isn’t that your department?”

“It is but I still have other work to do today and,” Rey tries to explain.

Bob cuts her off once more, “I’ll contact your section and inform them of the problem but you’ll have to remain there. We need those readings. Stand by please.”

The channel clicks dead and she’s starting to understand why Kylo was so upset. Rey is half tempted to tell Kylo to go and have a little chat with Bob. Leaving the monitoring screen, she walks to where he is, still throwing bits not around. Both chairs are in pieces as Kylo stares at the office with his arm held out, through a glass window out crashes a desk. It hits the floor hard, snapping in two. 

One small chunk slides across to Rey and bumps into her boot. Having enough with his temper, she kicks it at him. It flies through the air and hits Kylo in the side.

“Would you _PLEASE_ calm down for just one minute?!” she yells as her face turns a bit red.

“Don’t tell me what to do,” Kylo scoffs.

His fingers flick open and the office’s door slams shut. Rey stands her ground and looks at the mess he’s made. “You are picking all of this up.”

“Or what?” he says with a sneer.

Lifting her chin up, Rey crosses her arms over one another. “Or I won't tell you where Bob is stationed.”

One of Kylo’s black brow’s arch slowly up, Rey having perked his interest. “You’d do that even when you know what I’m sure to do to him?”

“Do you think I honestly care what happens to anyone in the First Order?” she says with a bitter frown.

Walking towards her, he keeps his eyes affixed on Rey. “That’s a little dark for a rebel spy, don’t you think?”

“Do we have a deal?” she snaps.

Stopping just a foot from her, Kylo smiles coldly. “You keep making deals with me, you won't have much left to offer soon enough.”

Uncrossing her arms, Rey puts her hand on her hips. “You let me worry about that. Your answer?” 

“I have one condition,” he says as his eyes trace the lines of her face. “You have to watch.”

“Watch?” she balks. “Why would I do such a thing? 

Taking the final step to close the distance between them, Kylo reaches up and lifts a piece of her hair up with his fingers. “I want to see if you are still are curious about me after seeing first hand what I’m like when I really work.”

Rey wants to tell him she already has, the memory of being strapped down as never left her memory. “If you think you can frighten me, you are sorely mistaken.”

The hand holding her hair goes rigid and she barely has time to think before she feels Kylo enclosing in all around her. He brings the Force down like a hammer against her mind, distantly Rey feels it but he doesn’t break in. Pushing harder, his whole arm shakes with the effort and soon her bracelet is shivering too. Having enough, Rey bends down and sweeps her leg out with a practiced efficacy. Since he’s so close, she easily hits the side of his knees, bringing him down on to both. It’s a move she’s done before and Rey wants to laugh that he’s fallen for it again.

Grabbing him by his uniform collar when she’s back on her feet, her mouth is twisted into a deep frown. “You have your deal,” she hisses. “Try something like that on me again and you’ll see just how dark I can get.”

Lifting his head to look up at her, Rey reels back when she feels a deep satisfaction rise from Kylo. Feeling disgusted, she pushes him away, letting him fall back on to the floor. “And clean this up, I want it spotless by the time I come back.”

Pushing himself up with his arms, Kylo stares at Rey. “Where are you going?” he asks as she is already walking away.

Calling back over her shoulder, Rey refuses to look back at him. “To check nothing is going to exploded while we’re here.”

Among the glass and broken bits, Kylo shifts to sit upright and punches his own leg with a heavy thump. “Real smooth,” he grumbles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More fan art! This time by [cheesytriangle](http://cheesytriangle.tumblr.com/)  
> [Sketchdump](http://cheesytriangle.tumblr.com/post/141508264782/ok-ok-ok-ok-like-sketchdump-and-all-these)  
> [Pencil sketches](http://cheesytriangle.tumblr.com/post/141513450747/pencil-sketchesphotos-from-my-phone-again-all)
> 
> You people are all seriously amazing in my eyes for reading.


	18. And The World Suddenly Trembled

Rey’s mind remains busy with uneasy thoughts, it bothers her so much that she walks all the way back to the top of the station, deep in thought. Standing before the hanging coats, she pulls hers down and slips it on before zipping it up. Opening the door to the outside, the cold sweeps in and Rey walks out into it. She follows the outer wall of the small building and finds tracks in the snow from a scooter taking off.

“So he wasn’t lying about that,” she mutters before turning to look out into the white.

What few things she can see are the black jagged rocks and further past those, the tips of tree’s rocking in the wind. There is a brief break in the clouds as they move quickly pass, the sun shines brightly and briefly. A fresh set of clouds snuff out the sunlight before it has even a chance to warm her cheeks. The snowy landscape falls back into a semi permanent dusk. Staring at the point where the sun was, Rey thinks about how it’s the star whose fate is to be drained. The horrible machine she’s stands on top of spins slowly around its own food source. 

Having been through the guts of the machine itself, it still amazes her that such a weapon can exist. How a mind could think of up such a mind bogglingly large device is beyond her grasp of reason. She uses the moment of reflection to steel her will and thoughts. The reason Rey was there in the first place became crystal like again in her mind. No one will be able to stand in her way of bringing destruction to the super weapon. It happened once before and this one still being built she knew would fall just like its predecessor. There is a small hope, a foolish as it is, that Kylo won’t ever try and stand in her way of making sure it happens. That she won't have to finish the fight they started months ago.

Shivering, she begins to walk back to the door inside. It opens with a hiss for her and shuts just as quickly. Standing in the slightly warmer entranceway, Rey tries to breathe out her fears, letting them become fog to be exhaled into nothing. Placing her jacket back on to its awaiting hook, she takes pause before it. Touching her lips with her fingertips, Rey thinks about what she’s done with them.

Half expecting some grand revelation, one never comes to her. Instead a warmth that almost burns fills her chest, radiating warmly throughout her chest. Rey has never done that to another person, touched them so gently and with a need she can’t explain. The feeling of wanting more shakes her, but she’s quick to push it away, into the place she holds all her loneliness inside of herself. Both feel like a grand sort of wanting that she doesn’t have the time or energy to deal with. Once there is a place for it, it’s easier for her to compose herself and rationalize her new feelings.

The walk back down is long and Rey doesn’t feel motivated to reach the bottom, the risk of seeing Kylo again leaves her feeling lethargic. She’s worried her newly sorted emotions will quickly become scattered at her feet by just a look from him. Still her feet take Rey to him and she finds him bending over, picking up the last remains of the destroyed chair he’s wrecked. Sensing her somehow, even without the Force or maybe her lack of it, he stops and looks up to her. Standing at the end of the walkway, she silently stares back at him for a few bloated moments. 

“You cleaned up,” Rey says softly.

Standing up right, a piece of the chair leg hangs from Kylo’s hand. “You told me to,” he says as a matter of fact.

There is still a bit of the cold from outside that lingers with Rey, rubbing her own arms, she shivers trying to get warm again. “You’ll have to fill out a damage report for all of that.”

“Why would I do that?” he asks and then carries the leg into the office. 

She hears him deposit it with what must be the rest of the pieces he’s cleaned up before he comes back out the door and shuts it behind himself.

“Because,” Rey starts to explain, “When you damage something, it’s what you do. I’m sure Del-Mara will want a word with you about why you broke two chairs, a desk, and one window.”

His head shakes as he lets out a soft huff. “Sure, I’ll fill out some dumb report.”

“That’s awfully agreeable of you,” she comments.

Looking around for anything he missed, Rey looks back at him confused. “Would you rather I not?” he says. 

“No,” mutters Rey. “It would be better if you were more often.”

He makes an amused huff before stopping his searching. Kylo’s glasses sit low on his nose from looking down and he pushes them back up whiling turning to look at her. “Is that your way of asking me to behave?”

Wrapping her arms around her middle, Rey hates she can’t seem to warm back up again. “No, I shouldn’t have to ask you to,” she says a little sharply. 

“Ask me,” he says in a challenging tone.

“ _No_ ,” says Rey forcefully.

Walking across the space between them, there is a cheeky sort of smirk tugging at his lips. He looks down at her and Rey hates for a moment he’s so much larger than her. 

“Ask me,” he says again. 

Rolling her eyes, she looks away from him and stares at a wall. “Fine,” she groans. “Would you please behave?”

“No.”

Her head jerks up and Rey glares at Kylo but he seems only further amused by her anger. “Ask again,” he says, Rey thinks he’s outright mocking her. 

“Why should I?” she snaps. 

“Because you could get a different answer this time,” he chuckles. 

The way he’s acting is too much like a child, the teasing not lining up at all with his actual age. She should hate it but Rey can only wonder why he acts in such a way.

“I would be ever so grateful if you could please just behave yourself like a grown and mature adult,” rolls out of Rey in a smooth and sweet tone but clearly faked.

His eyes light up at her words. “Yes,” he says eagerly. “I’ll behave, since you asked so nicely.”

There’s something about him that doesn’t sit right with her. She can feel it’s just under whatever he’s projecting outward, the pleasure he feels with the pressure of another’s control. Part of her enjoys it, having some small amount of power over him but it mostly sickens her. It screams of not being right, not to her but to him.

“I shouldn’t have to ask,” whispers Rey. His real name wants to roll off of her tongue but they made a deal and she won’t break it. “Why do I keep getting the feeling you haven’t been given much choice about your life? Is that why you do that? Lash out like that?”

Rey is actually sad to see his face turn hard and dark, but with what she said it wasn’t an unexpected reaction. 

“It must be so hard trying to be right all the time,” he growls. “Is that what they tell you in the Resistance, that what you are doing is right and noble?”

“Stop,” Rey says as reaches out for his arm.

Grabbing on to his sleeve, she looks at Kylo with pleading eyes. “Don’t. I don’t want to fight,” she says.

Pulling his arm back, he dislodges her grip but Rey also lets him go. “Then maybe you shouldn’t keep starting one,” he says tersely.

“I’m not trying to,” she says. “I just, I want you to see you have a choice. I know what I’ve said, that I’m the boss, and you sometimes even listen to me but I can’t shake that you are just going along with what other people say and it… it sickens me.”

Their bond hums and beats warmly but Rey hates she can feel it so clearly now. She wants to ask him if he can too, if Kylo can feel her suffering but she gets her answer just by looking into his eyes. Alone even when standing so close to another, Rey feels like she’s never really left Jakku. 

“I don’t know you,” she whispers. “I don’t think even you know you, but I have seen enough to make up my mind about a few things.”

“Such as?” says Kylo darkly.

“Such as,” begins Rey. “That I still hate you, for what you have done, but I know there is more to you then just that. We’re on two different sides, maybe not on the sides we think we are on, but there is a divide. I don’t understand why, just that I know I don’t think I want it there between us.” 

Quietly he says, “What are you saying?”

“What I am saying is,” breathes out Rey, her heart beating hard in her chest. “I don’t want to hate you. I’ve been alone for most of my life and I don’t enjoy having to spend my every waking moment with a man who makes me want to ring his neck. If we want to go on like we are now, then I rather go back to working alone. At least I wouldn’t have to feel like this.” 

She hears him swallow and there is a nervous sort of calm that settles around him. “Feel like what?” he asks.

“Like I want to care about you,” admits Rey and the tears she thought were long dry, find a way to spring anew.

“Why would you?” he says almost in awe of her.

“I don’t know,” she growls, frustrated and angry that she’s saying anything at all about the matter. “I just know I feel it and I hate myself for it.”

A few tears fall from her eyes and Rey moves to wipe them quickly, furious at herself. Her anger doesn’t get to last long before Kylo reaches out and replaces her hands with his own. His thumbs wipe whatever is left away and he just holds her face like it was made of glass. She looks up to him and he’s looking back at her, but not how she would expect him to be. There’s a strange thing he can do, hold and balance so many emotions all at one in his eyes. It leaves her feeling lost within them.

“If you feel that for me, you must really do hate yourself,” he says rather fondly.

His touch feels too warm and she is too open and exposed. Foolishly Rey shuts her eyes and turns her face more into one of his hands. His fingers brush along her skin and she feels him touching her like she did before to his own face. Tracing her features, Kylo pushes her glasses up and brushes her bangs away. Leaning down he places a kiss to her forehead that lingers as he speaks.

“Payback, for before,” he says. “And this, you can get back at me for later.”

Leaning down to press their lips together, Rey’s eyes open but he stops before reaching her. They are so close to touching but they never do, Kylo pulls away and lifts his head up, listening to something she can’t hear.

“What’s wrong?” she whispers before feeling it too.

Somewhere the Force violently ripples and moments later after that the floor starts to shake. A deep vibration builds in the ground, shaking the pipes and walls until everything is rattling together. The noise scares Rey, the last time she felt such a great shaking was when the other Starkiller had begun to break up under her very feet. Afraid it could be happening again, she grabs on to Kylo’s vest and holds tight. The ground beneath her begins to feel like it’s rolling in longer and longer waves. The whole effect leaves her quickly feeling horribly nauseous.

“What is it?” she shouts.

“It's an earthquake,” says Kylo but he doesn’t sound absolutely sure. “Something’s wrong, this shouldn’t be happening.”

Down the hall from them, a sharp hiss rings out and Rey turns to look to see water spraying out from a crack.

“I have to shut that off!” she yells but when she tries to pull away, Kylo holds her close.

“Don’t!” he shouts. “Wait until it’s over!”

The ground drops suddenly, the rolling getting deeper and more intense. They both groan together and she feels like she might just vomit. Pulling herself in closer, Rey presses her face to his chest and shuts her eyes tightly. Not even when she had flown the Falcon, dipping hard and fast, did she ever feel sick like this. Kylo leans down around her, pulling Rey in a close tight hug. Her head tucks perfectly under his chin as she hears another pipe burst.

Clenching down tighter on to his uniform, her nose is quickly crushed between her face and his body. Dipping his head down lower, she can feel Kylo’s warm breath float over her ear and his voice is so strangely calm.

“Won’t be much longer,” he says knowingly. “I’m not going to let anything happen to you.”

There’s one more violent jolt, the world giving a final and violent shrug that puts a crack through one the walls. Showing he’s a man of his word, above another crack forms, breaking off stone to rain down on them. Not a single piece touches them. More parts of wall break off and fall in a cacophony of sound, but it does slowly stop. The waves roll in shallow until she can’t feel it anymore, the shaking is the last to die but it too stills into nothing.

“It’s over now,” says Kylo.

Slowly pulling back, Rey looks up to him and then at all the destruction around them. Pipes are leaking all over the place, sparks cracking from broken wires, and there’s stone littered about everywhere. The bits that fell towards them lay away in a circle, forming a clear line of the bubble Kylo made to protect them. She pales thinking about what to fix first then realizes this is what she wants, the super weapon in pieces.

“What happened?” she asks while still scanning the area.

Looking down at the floor, Kylo focus intensely on something unseen. Watching him carefully, she wonders if she can copy what he’s doing. Focusing on their connection, Rey feels along it and through him. It’s hard to get a clear idea what he’s doing but she feels him seeking the answer somewhere deep below them. Grabbing at minds, he snatches bits of information like an insect buzzing from plant to plant.

“There was an accident,” he says with no emotion. “Drilling I think, something about a gas pocket. They hit one. There are dead bodies and someone is still burning. The smell of sulfur, it’s burning at a man’s eyes, another is thinking about why his legs are numb.” 

“That’s enough,” says Rey quickly. “Just tell me, are we in danger? Is the planet going to go?” 

He shakes his head no and relief washes over her. “No, I think it’s contained to one section. It’s hard to tell, there are too many people screaming. Some in pain, some shouting orders.”

“How can you do that?” she asks in slight awe of his control. 

Blinking, Kylo loses his focus and looks to Rey. “Practice,” he says simply. “I know my way around people’s minds. I can feel them, like buzzing spheres of thought. You just need to know how to slip past the surface. Some minds are easier than others, most of the ones here is child’s play for me. They never even notice.” 

Another pipe bursts its contents suddenly and Rey turns to look in the direction of the noise. “We need to get this under control.”

“Are you sure you really want to do that?” asks Kylo. “I thought you want this place destroyed.” 

“That’s not my call,” she says rushed. “But I do and if I’m not ready to be on a ship out of here, I rather not have this place just yet falling down around my head. I can learn a lot while fixing things you know. It’s easier to find all the cracks that way. I’m just here to report my findings, someone else has the job of bringing the rain down upon this place.”

“The rain?” he laughs. “Just give me a head’s up before you do, rainmaker." 

“Enough chatting, you take that half of the station and I’ll take this one,” says Rey pointing. “The shut off values should be easy enough to find on the consoles. We need to shut off whatever needs to be fix to keep the station from flooding. Call out if you need any help.” 

“You do the same,” he says firmly. “We’re a team, right?” 

There is something about the way Kylo is looking at her that fills her full of energy. Rey smirks at him, feeling at ease at the situation now. Hard work is in her blood and knowing she isn’t doing this job alone is enough of a drive for her to deal with anything.

“Right, go team kick ass,” she says throwing him a thumb’s up and then dashes away to go find the first console.

“That’s a horrible team name!” Kylo shouts after her but he can’t stop the chuckle bubbling up out of him.

Standing before a console screen, Rey brings up the controls and can see on the read outs which pipe’s are loosing pressure. She starts turning them off one by one but then has to try and balance to the pressure to keep it from overloading the remaining system. A foul stench hits her nose and she winces in disgust.

“Great, had to be the sewage pipe that had to blow,” she says bitterly. 

Slowly each digital display for each active pipe turns green, the one’s she disabled stay red but the readings look good enough to her to move on. In the next hallway, she finds a wall has crumbled and a wire laying on the floor sparking. It’s touching the metal walkway but Rey knows better to take a risk getting shocked.

“This is going to take longer than I thought,” she grumbles before searching for the utility box to kill the power to the area.

Flipping the switches, she makes a few mistakes due to not really understanding the labels. Some she knows but others seemed to been updated to something different than the older ships she use to scavenge. In the end she kills the wire and has to go searching for tools to handle it.

Piece by piece she works each problem this way, one at a time until she clears an area and moves on to the next. Each section provides its own situation, one already flooded, another she has to move rumble by hand to reach the control console, and then there is the one she has to walk on top of one of the railing to avoid the spilled out sewage.

When Rey reaches the last section her stomach begins to growl from the lack of food. She almost laughs at the noise, now having become to use to eating regularly instead of once a day. 

Patting her tummy, she frowns down at it. “Hush you. You use to be so much stronger than this.”

While working on balancing the last of the pipes, Rey’s comlink crackled to life. “Is this station thirty five?” says a woman’s voice. “Is anyone there?”

Digging it out of her pocket, Rey clicks the button to speak. “Yes this is station thirty five, go ahead.”

“There has been a level three incident, please report your status,” says the woman on the com.

“We’re fine here, I’m currently assessing and correcting any problems I can right now. You’ll need to send a team to fix the damage but the station should hold until then,” says Rey while her free hand keeps working.

“You have been put on the list, finish what you can and report back to your section for your new assignments.”

Stopping, Rey stares down at the comlink. “New assignments?” she asks.

“Yes,” says the woman’s voice in a crisp professional tone. “There has been extensive damage to the base, all repair teams will be working damage control until further notice.”

“It’s that bad?” she asks surprised.

“You have your orders, command out.”

The comlink clicks off and Rey feels a bit torn on what to do. There is still work to be done and any other options she can think of seem weak and flimsy. Falling back into what she was doing, Rey gets one by one the lights finally to go green. Take a step back, she feels relieved to be done. The need to just sit down a moment is strong but she really needs to check on Kylo. 

Finding him ends up being a whole different problem. Rey goes row by row until she hears him grunting down one but she can’t see him. Walking down a hall, Rey passes a console and sees all the pipes not disabled are green but one.

“Kriff,” groans Kylo from somewhere. 

The sound of something hard and metal being kicked, it echoes off the walls and Rey hurries the rest of the way down the hall. Looking up, she sees him stuff up in a crawl space, up on a pipe running along the ceiling.

“Oh, there you are,” she says up to him.

His head peaks out for a moment before disappearing. “Just a second,” he growls and another sharp kick rings loudly.

The pipe above hisses and Rey can hear something running through it now. Slipping his legs over the side, Kylo drops down gracefully and shakes out his hand that looks a little red.

“Are you done?” he asks before reaching back under his snow pants to pull a rag out.

Rey watches him wipe grease from his hands before shoving the rag back away. “I’m all done on my end, what about you,” she says. 

He motions for her to follow and leads her back to the console. The last pipe is green and he gives her a somewhat shy thumb’s up, looking unsure if he’s doing it right.

“I’m done here,” says Kylo casually. “The release valve wasn’t working so I had to do it manually, in case you were wondering why I was up there.”

“Tired yet?” Rey chuckles. 

Shrugging, he leans back against the railing and rolls one of his shoulders. “Let me guess, this was just the start of things?” 

“Afraid so,” she says. “We’re on damage duty until further notice.” 

He frowns slightly before crossing his arms across his chest. Rey stares for a moment, suddenly distracted by his arms that she hadn’t noticed before were so large. 

“So we’ll be cleaning up messes like this one?” he says.

Shaking her head, Rey looks idly down the hall. “Maybe, can’t be sure. A lot of work could fall under that. I’m hoping for damage assessment actually. What that entails is going around the marking down all the damage and reporting back what needs to be done. It could give me access to some important area’s Del-Mara hasn’t assigned me to yet. I mean, assigned us to yet. 

“You really surprise me,” says Kylo in warm and friendly tone.

Looking back to him, Rey is drawn to the sound of his voice and finds him looking at her in an analytical sort of way. “What do you mean?” she asks.

Stepping away from the railing, he walks over to her and Rey feels her face become a little warm from his close proximity.

“What I mean,” he begins. “You haven’t asked me for any favors yet, ones outside of our work. You know who I am, I can go anywhere on this base. You _do_ know that, right?” 

“I don’t need your help with that,” she says confidently. “I can get around just fine on my own, keep your tricks to yourself or I’m sure whatever special pass card you have. That other fellow in the mask isn’t needed, I only need Matt, my partner.”

There is a softening in his gaze and Rey is quickly surprised when he smiles slightly. “Only Matt?” he says. “You would choose him over the other? You _are_ strange.”

“No,” says Rey firmly. “I only live by what I need, nothing more. I do not need anything to do with that other guy and his mask.”

A soft chuckle rumbles from Kylo as takes another step closer. Rey backs up one step herself and bump into a railing. Looking back at what she’s hit, Kylo takes advantage of her being distracted to put his hands on either side of her. She looks back to him and finds them face to face and far too close for her liking.

“You say that now,” he says sounding too pleased with himself. “But I’m sure a day will come you’ll be begging for his help, mask and all.”

“I don’t think I will,” she says sounding very self assured. “He’s not _allowed_ to be apart of team kick ass.”

Pulling away slightly, Kylo frowns at her words. “Please don’t make that into an actual thing,” he groans. 

Putting her hand up between them, Rey holds it up smiling. “Come on, you know it’s a good idea.” 

“No, I’m sure it isn’t,” he says bitterly. “What sort of name is that?”

Narrowing her eyes, she smiles even more brightly. “It’s the best name, _obviously_.”

Looking at her hand, Kylo narrows his eyes at it looking mildly offended. “Am I supposed to be doing something here? Why are you doing that?”

Rolling her eyes, Rey waves her hand. “Yes you are suppose to high five it.”

Standing back up, he looks quickly out of his depth. “I’m not going to do that.”

Holding her hand out more and up higher to him, Rey nods eagerly. “Come on, team kick ass. You know you want in on this.”

“Stop saying that,” he groans and takes another step back.

“Do it,” she says trying to egg him on and takes a step towards him. “Show your team spirit.”

Kylo moves again and bumps his back into the other railing. “Is this the sort of crap they do in Resistance?” he says scowling now.

They don’t but Rey shrugs and smiles with a mouth full of teeth. “Sure! Come on, hit it. Be a team player.”

“If I do will you stop saying team kick ass?” he asks looking disgusted. 

“No,” says Rey cheerfully. “You gotta shout it, not say it.” 

“I am not doing _that_!” shouts Kylo. 

Reaching for his hand, she easily grabs it and pulls his palm to hers. Slapping them together, Rey looks up to Kylo to see if he gets what to do.

“See,” she says excitedly. “It’s easy. Then we say, go team kick ass!” 

Yanking his hand back, Kylo holds to his chest and looks worried she’ll try again. “ _No_! I’m not doing something so _stupid_!”

Looking around, she motions to the empty hallway. “There’s no one here to see us.”

“That doesn’t matter,” he snaps.

Putting her hand back out, she looks unfazed by his anger. “You’re the one who said we were a team, this is good for team morale.”

Growling, Kylo shakes his head at her. “There are only two of us, what morale?” 

“Just trust me,” she practically begs. “Do it once and I’ll leave you alone.”

“Really?” he says with a loud scoff. 

Nodding quickly, it’s hard for Rey to try and fight from smiling even more. “I promise, once with feeling and that’s it.”

“With feeling?” groans Kylo.

“Yes with feeling,” says Rey.

“Fine,” he says rolling his eyes and sighs deeply. “I can’t believe I’m doing this.”

Holding her hand up higher to him, she waits for him to hit her back. He does so lightly and Rey shakes her head no.

“Harder, with _feeling_!” she demands. 

“With feeling?” he repeats. 

“Yes,” she says cheerfully. 

Kylo does so again, slapping his hand to hers with a firm crack. 

“Go team kick ass!” shouts Rey. 

“Go team kick ass,” mumbles Kylo. 

“No!” she shouts at him. “With feeling! _Feeling_!!” 

“FINE!” he yells. “With kirffing _FEELING_!”

When they slap their hands together, she feels her hand sting from the impact of his but it only makes Rey smile impossibly wide. 

“ _GO TEAM KICK ASS_!” they shout together, Rey smiling bright as the sun and Kylo looking ready to go bury his head into a hole somewhere.

Quickly pulling his hand away, he looks somewhat sick at what he’s done. “Please don’t make me do that _ever_ again,” he groans.

“Oh come on,” she says while laughing. “Don’t you feel better?”

“No,” he growls. “I really should kill you for this.” 

Rey stares at him while he does his best to glare at her but it lacks any real heat. She’s seen him plenty of time actually upset, if she had to label what she thinks he’s feeling, Kylo looks to her more embarrassed than upset.

“You’re lying,” she says. “I can see it, you liked it.” 

Lifting up his glasses, he rubs at his eyes. “Are you sure you didn’t just hit your head while you were working?" 

Waiting until he looks at her again after righting his glasses, Rey lifts two of her fingers up to point at herself then at him. “I see it.”

Looking like he might have made a horrible mistake by indulging her, Kylo mutters, “Is this what you’re really like?”

“I guess you’ll just have to wait and see,” she says before he smile dies to something more somber. “Right now we need to get going, I don’t want to walk back in the dark.”

“It’s that late already?” he says surprised.

“Could be,” she shrugs. “I haven’t checked the time lately.”

Pulling back on her sleeve, Rey looks at her bracelet. Even though its real intention was to block her from being sensed, it also had some practical uses like a clock built into it.

“Kriff, its an hour past sundown,” she says a little angry. “The winds usually get pretty bad after sunset.”

“Don’t worry about it,” huffs Kylo confidently. “It wont be a problem for me. See, like I said, you need the other guy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At the core, this is always a crack fic, serious plot or not. Also this isn't the last we've heard of team kick ass.


	19. I Think I Could Maybe Learn To Know You

Digging around in a large box, Rey leans up and out of it, holding up a long metal stick. “I found it!” she says excited. “See, I knew there was one.”

Shutting the top, she turns around and shows it to Kylo, who then takes it from her. “Are you sure this will be enough?” he asks looking it over.

“I’m sure,” Rey says nodding agreeably. “I’ve used one before, it should last long enough for the walk back.”

“Then let’s get going,” he says before handing it back to her. “I’d like to know exactly what happened earlier.”

“Right,” says Rey.

With the station handled for now, the two ascend the long stairwell up. At the top, Rey can feel her hunger starting to set in but she fights it, not wanting to be the one who slows down first. Kylo moves at his normal pace but she can see it in his eyes he looks a little worn down. Dressing as quickly as they can, Rey hopes they can get a meal in or at least some type of food before they surely have to get back to work. The base must be in a storm of activity right now and it feels so far away standing in the lonely station with just Kylo as company.

There is a reason most people on the base are not allowed outside after dark. When the door opens, she sees a complete black void that howls from the high winds. Stepping into the doorway, she stands on the edge of nothing and stares. Turning on the light stick she hands it to Kylo who will be taking the lead back. Pulling down her goggles, Rey breathes out and is ready to move out.

Leaning down to Rey, Kylo shouts over the wind while pulling down his own goggles. “You’re going to have to walk with me, don’t leave my side!” 

Opening his arm, Kylo motions for Rey to move to him. She hesitates but the wind bites at her cheeks and pushes her to move to him. Wrapping an arm around his waist, Kylo puts one of his arms around her shoulders and holds Rey close. She fits a little too well under him and he feels so solid under her own arm. They both pull up their muffs as the door shuts behind them, Kylo then holds the light outward into the darkness.

They move together and Rey can feel a vibrating focus rolling off of him as he curves and shapes the Force into a shield. The wind cuts off sharply but it still whips around them, ever fighting to get in and assault them with its cold rage. It is easier to walk without it pressing against them but they still move slowly along, the snow still knee deep. The light only reaches just a few feet out of from them but the marking poles are at least bright enough to still see, dimly but clearly there. 

Looking up at Kylo, Rey thinks about how strange this whole situation is. To be joined at the hip with him and not feel a cutting sting of hate anymore baffles her. His goggles and muff block his face but she can feel his steadiness and determination to keep them moving. It's hard for her not to wonder about if they had started out on the same side, if what ever happen to him to bring him to the dark side of life didn’t happen. She has so many questions she wants to ask him but Rey knows better, that if any answers she get won't come to her easily or plainly enough to understand right away. He always talks in vague ways but she knows she does the same, out of necessity than want. 

When they reach the flat area past the rocks, the winds are always the worst there and now is no exception to that. They scream along the flat land between them and the entrance to the base. Even with a shield up, they waver from time to time as it gust and blows with a thunderous power. Rey is unsure how far they have left to go when one pounding gust slams into them. Kylo’s arm grips her even tighter but he stops them from walking on as they weather the fierce blow.

She sees him turn his head and then she feels it, the build up before another heavy gust comes right at them. Meeting it head on, the burst of Force that comes from Kylo is awesome. The very air shakes and then freezes in place, an almost complete silence befalls them, only broken by Kylo’s heavy breathing.

“I can’t hold it for long,” he grunts out from behind his muff. 

Rey nods and holds on tighter to him as they try and rush along as quickly at they can. Brushing past the floating flakes hovering motionless in the air, it would have been beautiful if Rey didn’t know the power of the wind he was holding back. It’s hard to tell if it’s being on the darkside of the Force or if Kylo is just that strong, either way it’s awe inspiring to see first hand.

Reaching the door back inside is when Kylo falters a step, his focus loosening enough that the wind rips back in. Putting both of her arms around him, she holds him up as her back takes the brunt of the wind. It feels like a blow but it's nothing she can’t handle.

Quick in his recovery, Kylo adjusts his arm, slipping it down more around Rey’s back so he can help her along better. They slam into the door and Rey is quick to move to the control panel and put in the code to enter. The door slips up and they both stumble in. Yanking down his muff, Kylo takes deep gasping breaths as Rey moves to shut the door behind them and open the next.

“Are you ok?” she asks as it slides open.

“I’m fine,” he grumbles sounding more tired than angry.

Moving into the changing room, Kylo takes a seat on a bench to start to pull off his boots. The snow still clinging to it falls to the floor in fat chunks and soon his boots both follow. Kicking them away a bit frustrated, he then pulls of his socks that hit in the floor with a wet slap, both soaking wet. Rey looks up from undoing her own boots as Kylo is not so gently removing the rest of his snow wear.

Being able to see his bare feet feels strangely normal, that after he’s been so covered up all the time before it does make him feel more human. When his pants hit the floor, he sits drops back down and leans back to stretch out his legs. Down to just his uniform, she can’t help but notice it’s a little large in his hips but barely seems to fit in his shoulders.

“I hate wet socks,” Kylo growls. 

Rey chuckles a bit but doesn’t mean to. The boots normally do a great job keeping the snow out so the water must be from something else. “What happened?” she asks.

“It was one of the pipes,” he explains. “It sprayed me in the pants and then leaked down into the boots. Kirffing disgusting.”

Standing up to shimmy out of her snow pants, Rey steps out and then lays them on the bench next to her. “At least you didn’t have to almost walk through raw sewage,” she mutters.

Looking up to her, Kylo frowns in disgust and she nods back knowingly. “Think we can scurvy into the refresher and the mess hall before anyone notices us,” Rey asks. “Or do you think it's hell outside in the hallway?”

Turning to look in the direction of the way out, his frown gets a little deeper. “It’s pretty crazy but doable to at least get to the refresher. The mess hall we’ll have to see about that.”

Hanging up her jacket, Rey keeps her back to him but turns her head slightly back to speak over her shoulder. “This means we’ll have to use it at the same time then.” 

Looking back at her, Kylo doesn’t appear to be happy or upset about such a situation. “I won’t look if you don’t,” he says flatly.

“I can do that,” says Rey while shutting her locker door. Looking back at Kylo, she sees he hasn’t moved at all. “If we don’t be quick someone is bound to see us first and I rather think we deserve a good cleaning and some food.”

Glancing back towards the door out, Rey feels that buzzing sensation again from Kylo as he samples from a few passing minds. “Everyone has double shifts tonight,” he says with a low sigh. 

“So much for sleeping,” grumbles Rey. “Come on, I’m sure someone noticed by now that I used my code on the door to come back inside.”

“Just give a minute,” he responds and gets quickly to his feet.

Gathering up all of his snow clothes, Kylo stuffs them away in his locker that someone else will clean later for them. There’s a set of fresh socks at the top on a shelf that he snatches down before grabbing his boots. With a practiced efficacy, Kylo pulls both on and Rey can’t help but wonder how many times he’s had to dress so quickly before to be as fast as he is.

Done in under a minute, they march together to the door but Kylo stops Rey from going on ahead by placing a hand on her shoulder. “Wait,” he says firmly.

They stand together for another minute before finally nods to open the door. Rey does and they walk through together as his hand moves to her back to guide her along.

Lowly Kylo says, “Come on, we don’t have much time.”

Keeping their footsteps light, which is strange in its own for Kylo to do, Rey can feel him searching the area with the Force. A few minds he redirects with thin tendrils of power and for others he can’t, they move into hidden alcoves they find to wait for them to pass. It’s not far to the refresher, and like she thought, it’s completely empty when they arrive. Walking away from him, Rey moves to free locker and doesn’t dare to look back.

“Just stay to one side and I’ll keep to the other,” she says as calmly as she can.

Opening another locker across from her, Kylo’s voice sounds pensive. “Fine,” he says.

The idea sounded simple in her mind, just clean up and get out all the while keeping her head firmly down. When Rey slips off her vest and hangs it up, her stomach starts to twist itself into hard knots. It only becomes worse when she pulls her uniform’s zipper down and hears Kylo do the same shortly after. Stripping down slowly, Rey feels utterly sick. All of her nerves stand at attention as soon as her uniform hits the floor. Stepping out of it, she thinks about how he surely doesn’t want to be seen as much her, Rey tries to take some comfort from the thought but finds none.

Taking a slow breathe in, she keeps her head down and removes her under garments. Storing all of her clothing away, Rey takes another deep breath in but it does little to her improve her mood. Walking with purpose, she only dares to look to her left as she enters the shower area. There’s soap and other various liquids in bottles already there at each stall. Turning the water on, she adjusts it to something on the hot side, needing it to be so to soothe her sore muscles.

The room is large and every sound echoes off the tile, it lets her know exactly when Kylo enters and turns on his own shower. Reaching for the shampoo, she washes her hair furiously, half hoping the soap will blind her and remove any unneeded temptations. Rinsing off, she does the same with a second bottle and spends a moment just working the silky conditioner into her hair. When it follows the shampoo down the drain, Rey knows she’s almost done now. 

Grabbing a bar of soap, she begins to clean her body thoroughly but then a stray thought takes hold of her. Fighting it valiantly, not wanting to know the answer really, but it would be so easy to see if it’s true or not. Putting a hand to the wall, she lifts one leg up to wash her feet and tries to hide she’s taking a sly look back at Kylo. There’s a good amount of steam between them and it only just blurs some of the details of his body but it’s easy for Rey to see he’s left his wig behind at the lockers.

“So you do wash without it on,” she mutters.

Kylo’s head turns to one side and he pauses washing his chest. “Did you look?” he snarls.

Turning back, Rey immediately looks down at the floor. Digging the bar of soap into her skin, she scrubs it somewhat raw. “NO!” shouts Rey.

 There’s a distinct sound of feet moving around in water but she can’t be sure what he’s doing. Stepping under the water, Rey works on rinsing off her body but slowly starts to turn around to try and take another peek.

“YOU ARE TRYING TO LOOK! I SEE YOU!” bellows Kylo suddenly.

Jumping up, Rey’s head snaps up as she strains her neck to look back over her shoulder. Kylo is half turned towards her, glaring darkly.

“YOU ARE LOOKING TOO!” she screams at him.

Bending over to cover his privates, he takes a step back and tries to hide more under the showerhead. “YOU LOOKED FIRST!” he yells back.

“I-I was just curious, if you washed in that dumb wig,” Rey grumbles loudly.

A bar of soap hits the wall near her and she yelps in surprise. “You said not to look! You said!” Kylo shouts angrily.

“I’m sorry!” she pleads. “This is dumb, it shouldn’t be such a big thing.”

Something hit the floor, maybe a bottle Rey thinks, and then she hears Kylo mutter a few curses under his breathe. “That’s easy for you to say,” he snaps. “Do you want me to stare at you? I don’t need you gawking at me.” 

“Ok, ok,” Rey says rushed. “I get it, I said I was sorry.”

“Yeah you sound so sorry,” scoffs Kylo.

Turning off the water, she frowns bitterly. “You looked too.”

“Only to make sure you weren’t!” he growls.

Before Kylo can finish and shut off his own shower, Rey runs out of the room and back towards the lockers. There’s a tall set of shelves with towels and she grabs one of the larger towels to quickly wrap it around her body. Once safely covered, she walks at a more relaxed pace back to where her clothes are. The other shower shuts off and she can’t help hear Kylo walking closer. Glancing his way again, she finds him with a towel around his waist and his wet hair hanging in a mess that looks more attractive than awkward.

“Stop looking,” he snaps and motions with his free hand to turn around.

Feeling her face heat up, Rey looks away and tugs her towel around her body a little more tightly. “Y-You too,” she tries to say with some semblance of confidence but fails miserably.

Kylo angrily opens his locker, the door slamming hard into the one next to it. “Of course I don’t wash with the wig on,” he snaps at her.

Trying to pull her undergarments on while keeping her towel on, Rey stares down at her own feet. “How should I know that?” she whispers.

“You could've just asked,” he says still very upset.

“Can we just forget about this?” says Rey trying to sound reasonable. “It was awkward for both of us and we saw one another, it’s not a big thing, right?”

“Maybe you are use to it but I’m sure not,” grumbles Kylo.

Having at least her undergarments now on, Rey pulls the towel off and rubs at her hair to dry it. “I’m not use to either you know,” she says firmly. 

A low hum comes from him and she can’t be sure what he means by it. Not saying another word this time, they keep to themselves and dress in peace. When Rey is finished, her hair still a bit damp and in need of a combing, she stands before her locker and huffs.

“Can I turn around now?” she asks a little annoyed now.

“Yes,” says Kylo tersely.

Moving to sit down on the bench, she faces him as he stands before his locker he was using. Dressed fully too, Kylo is trying to dry his black hair with his towel as Rey stares at him. Quick to become angry, he stares back, confused as to why she is looking at him.

“What?” he snaps.

Shaking her head, Rey wiggles her bracelet on her wrist and tries to work some water out from under it. “It’s just strange,” she mutters. “I’m use to the blond hair.”

Out of the corner of her eye, she sees him stop and lower the towel he’s holding to his side. “Strange huh?” he scoffs.

Nodding yes, she partly wishes someone would come and find them, just to free her from sticking her own foot further into her mouth. “Maybe not strange,” she says softly. “Just… different, than what I usually see you as.”

Stepping over the bench, Kylo stands before her and Rey looks up at his looming presence. He throws his towel at her while frowning, “Go do something with this,” he orders.

Catching the towel, Rey looks surprised for a moment but she does get up and takes her own towel too with her. Both are deposited into a laundry cart that half full with other towels. When she walks back to the lockers, Rey finds Kylo sitting down on a bench with his wig on properly. His arms lift up and he slips his glasses back on, completing his change to the look of Matt.

She isn’t sure if he’s heard her come back or not because he remains staring down at the floor. His back is hunched, as if to make himself smaller somehow, and his gaze looks more like the one she’s seen day in and day out. An urge to walk over and touch him grips her heart tightly, leaving her speechless and unable to breathe for a long moment.

“I,” says Rey suddenly without any reason to. 

Turning his head, Kylo looks at her and she feels her heart stop beating. “What?” he asks softly.

There’s a sharp pain in her chest as she feels her body restart itself. “It’s nothing,” she whispers before shaking her head, trying to clear it of this strange feeling that swallowing her whole. “We need to get food, right? Can’t work on an empty stomach. I’ve done that a lot before, it’s not very pleasant.”

His eyes narrow at her and Rey takes a quick step back. “How do you do that?” she asks nervously.

Standing up, Kylo looks a touched worried now, his eyes staying fixated upon her. “Do what?” he says. 

Waving her hand at his body, Rey can feel her face has become red hot. “Just become someone else like that, to become Matt.”

“You’re not making any sense Osira.” 

“Look!” she shouts. “You’re standing different, you speak differently, you look at me differently. I don’t understand you, how you can just do that? How am I supposed to know which is the real you?”

Breathing out a slow sigh, he tries to take a step towards her but Rey takes her own back, putting her hand out, it’s to tell him to stay where he is.

“Why are you acting this way?” asks Kylo quickly. “You know this is just an act, Matt. Of course this isn’t me, I’m wearing a damn wig and fake glasses. Osira, that’s not even your real name, between the two of us there is barely anything real about us.”

“That’s not true,” she yells and reaches to quickly pull of her own glasses. “I… I’m not lying about before. When I said I…”

Clenching a fist, he shakes it angrily at his side with a growl. “We can talk about this later? I’m not getting into the middle of this in the kriffing refresher. But you want to know what’s real about me, is that it?”

There’s fear in Rey’s heart but it’s not for her well being or health, now it she feels it something far deeper. “Yes,” she whispers.

“What’s real is I have no idea what I am doing,” he says honestly. “Whatever this is, I don’t know what to do, I’m only guessing at it. I don’t have a clear explanation for you about me or my actions, I’m just reacting to the situation I’m in now. No I can’t tell you everything and I wouldn’t want to. You know who I am and I’m sure you know plenty of what I’ve done. I can’t stop you from feeling what ever you are about me but honestly I like it. That’s what’s real right now Osira. If it’s not good enough for you, well, there isn’t anything I can do about that.”

Taking time to digest what Kylo said, Rey bites and worries her bottom lip until she’s made up her mind. “Alright,” she breathes out. “I can handle that. Just… if you lie to me, let it only be for a good reason.”

Rolling his eyes, Kylo rubs at his own forehead. “I don’t think we should worry about lies at this point, it’s not like you have been overly open with me.”

Looking up to him, she feels hurt but only because he’s right. “I’m sorry,” Rey mutters. “But I have my reasons.” 

“And I don’t?” snaps Kylo who then looks upset by his own sharp tone he’s used at her. “We’ll talk more later? In private, is that alright with you?”

“Yes,” says Rey, nodding her head as so. “I would like that.”

Crossing the space between them, he reaches down and takes Rey’s glasses from her hand. She looks up to him and he carefully slips them back on to her face with care. Looking at her for a moment, Kylo then takes a gentle hold of her jaw. He cups her face and strokes her cheeks slowly, bringing a warm bloom to them.

“I’ll be as honest as I can with you,” he says softly. “I can’t do more than that.”

Shutting her eyes, Rey enjoys feeling him touching her. “Ok,” she sighs. “I’ve just… never felt like this before.” 

“And you think I have?” Kylo chuckles. 

Opening her eyes to look at him, she smiles slowly. Kylo tries to return the favor but it’s clear his mouth isn’t use to such an expression. It falters but Rey does feel better that he’s trying to. In an unrushed pace, Kylo looks her face over and she notices him lingering at her lips. He doesn’t make a move like he did before but instead gives her cheeks a soft pinch before taking a step back to give her space.

“Food then work, right?” he asks.

Shaking off the excess emotions she doesn’t need at the moment, Rey feels comfortable in her own skin once again. “Right,” she says sounding more like her normal self. “Food and then work until we drop I’m sure.”

“Come on boss,” says Kylo fondly. “Let’s go sneak into the mess hall then.”

It’s easy to forget her worries when they are dodging people in the halls. Rey feels more like a proper spy now than what she has been doing since her arrival on the base. Like the refresher, the mess hall is empty when they arrive and she can see some light damage to one of the walls. 

“Do you think it's safe to be in here?” she whispers to Kylo.

He shrugs at her then reaches for an empty tray. Since there isn’t even a person posted behind the counter to serve the food, they make do by helping themselves to whatever is still out. Taking a seat at table near the back of the room, Rey hopes it’s in a position anyone passing won't notice them. She’s half way through her meal when Kylo nudges her elbow with his.

“Company is coming,” he announces.

Rey isn’t surprised when Del-Mara storms into the mess hall and glares at them. It’s pretty obvious why Kylo didn’t even try and use the Force on her to not come. Rey is sure Del-Mara’s mind and will must be as strong as any durasteel.

“I have been looking for you two for a while now,” she says in a short curt tone.

Not stopping, Rey shoves more food in her mouth and stares at the woman while chewing. Kylo sighs and sets his fork down onto his tray. “We were occupied,” he says flatly. “Just tell us what you want us to do and we’ll do it after we are finished here.”

There’s a cold fire that alights in Del-Mara’s eyes at Kylo’s tone. “I wasn’t talking to you new guy,” she snarls.

Reaching out to grab her tray, Rey’s hand snaps out lighting fast and grabs Del-Mara’s wrist tightly. Kylo looks mildly impressed but his voice doesn’t reflect so. “I wouldn’t do that if I was you,” he says.

Pulling her hand back, Rey lets go and Del-Mara frowns as she rubs her wrist. “You two have become close,” she comments.

Kylo shrugs and looks to see Rey bent down and licking her plate clean. He winces in disgust and quickly looks away. “I wouldn’t say that,” he mutters. “I’ve just become overly familiar with her quirks is all.” 

A feeling of being watched over takes Kylo and he slowly looks back to Rey and finds her staring at him. “What?” he asks.

“Are you going to eat that?” she questions him, pointing at a bowl of red pasta.

“Yes,” he says sharply and pulls his tray further away from her. “I’m hungry too.”

Looking a little disgruntled by his response, Rey quickly recovers and looks to Del-Mara with tight lipped smile. “I want damage assessment,” she says openly.

Staring between the two, the supervisor frowns deeply before crossing her arms. “Why should I give you that? For what you’ve done I should put you on the roster for clean up.”

“No,” says Rey. “You want us on damage assessment. You know how well I get around in all those small spaces and you like my reports. Are you going to try and tell me you have anyone else better already working the job?”

Tapping her foot, clearly annoyed at Rey’s response, Del-Mara takes a minute to make up her mind. “Fine,” she snaps. “But you are working until fourteen hundred tomorrow.”

“Only if we get the day off after and start late the one following,” she says confidently. 

Del-Mara’s face flushes a rare red. “No one is getting that, do you have any idea what happened?!”

“No,” says Rey. “And I don’t care, that’s the deal.”

“I think you should take the deal,” injects Kylo.

Turning her dark stare at him, the older woman fumes. “Keep talking and you’ll find yourself in rehabilitation with the other washed out Stormtroopers,” she threatens.

His hackles rise and Kylo’s anger burns hot and fast. Under the table, Rey puts a hand on his leg to calm him and strangely enough it works.

“So?’ she says. “Are we good?”

Letting out an angry huff, Del-Mara nods once. “I’ll have your passcode updated but I better get one hell of a full report by tomorrow, do I make myself clear?”

“Crystal mam,” says Rey.

Leaving as quickly she entered the room, Rey and Kylo watch Del-Mara hurry off in a few fast strides. Reaching for her glass of water, Rey drains it down quickly and feels immensely better now that was over with.

“Did you have to lick the plate?” speaks up Kylo.

She looks to him and nods yes, “It’s the best way to get everything when there’s no bread.”

Shivering a bit, he tries to hurry with his own food but for now Kylo can’t bring himself to look Rey in the eye. She doesn’t seem to mind and waits patiently for him to finish eating. Moving to take his empty tray, he stares at her hands then at her face.

“You’re not going to try and lick mine, are you?” he asks warily.

“No I won't,” she chuckles and snatches his tray away. 

Standing up, she walks across the room to put the trays in the collection area and joins Kylo who has moved to the doorway out.

“So where do we start?” he asks.

“We start by our room first,” answers Rey. “I need my work datapad first and then we just take it section by section. I would also like to get some gear too first from the supply room. I’m sure we’ll be climbing and having to check some area’s that could have no power.”

“Sounds like fun,” groans Kylo as they leave the mess hall.

“No,” says Rey with a smile. “Sounds like a job for team kick ass.”

Glaring at her quickly, he looks around to make sure no one has heard her speak. “Do _not_ start that again.”

“What?” laughs Rey. “It’s going to grow on you, I know it.”

“Like a tumor,” he grumbles. 

Since they are no longer avoiding the fray that is people running back and forth, Rey gets a good look at how worried everyone looks. After fetching her datapad, they hurry a little faster to the supply room and find it terribly busy.

“What do you want?” snaps a man when Rey walks to the counter.

“I need some supplies,” she says. 

“Obviously,” he groans then hands her a datapad. “Here, just fill this out with what you want. I’ll call you when it’s ready.”

Before she can say another word, the man motions for her to move and shouts, “NEXT!” 

Stepping aside as another team rushes into the hole, Rey searches for what she’s looking for and compiles a list. It only takes her a few minutes to complete and then slips the datapad back on to the counter. It’s snatched away and Rey is quick to rush over to where Kylo is standing clear of the chaos. 

She sees him looking rapidly between person to person, the Force humming alive around him. Slipping into the space next to him, she leans against the wall just like him and whispers, “What are you finding out?”

“Just details,” Kylo says only loud enough for Rey to hear. “It’s like I said before, it was a drilling accident but a big one. The quake affected half the base, section nine was the worst hit but ten was also damaged badly too.” 

“Aren’t those the two sections under construction?” responds Rey.

Nodding yes, Kylo crosses his arms over one another and frowns a little more deeply. “Some people are wondering if they’ll be transferred in the future, to help repair the damage. They might be right.”

Before Rey can ask her question back at him, someone calls out her name. They walk together to the counter and the man behind them slides them two backpacks. 

“Here’s your supplies, good luck out there,” he says but doesn’t dawdle to hear any answer back.

Pulling her bag to her, Rey slips it on to her back and then watches Kylo struggle to open the straps wider on his. He gets it in the end but once on, he looks a little silly with it. Getting the impression Rey is finding it funny, he shoots her a stare that clearly says to not laugh at him. She doesn’t but she does smile a little more brightly at his expense.

Pulling a map up on her datapad, Rey searches where to start first. Pointing, she holds it so Kylo can look too. “We’ll go here first,” she says. “It’s a juncture where most of the pipes are carrying coolant for our section’s reactor, I’d like to tackle that first and work out from there." 

“It’s your call Osira,” says Kylo.

Feeling confident in what to do, Rey puts the datapad into a pocket and leads the way. The main elevator is down so they have to take the stairs down quite a few levels. The lower they go the less people they run into on the stairs until it’s just them. On the level they need to be, Rey leads on through hallway after hallway. Each one looks less streamlined and more practical in style, pipes and metal grating instead of the smooth black flooring that runs throughout most of the base.

Turning down another hall, Rey walks through a doorway and they come into a tall thin chamber. There are large pipes lining the wall and she leads Kylo down to the end. There is a console in a corner there and she motions for him to stand in front of it.

“We are going to move the system into testing to check for any pressure leaks,” says Rey who them taps the screen a few times. “I’m going to go walk the line and double check it to be sure myself just in case any sensors are out. Just tap on each pipe when I tell you to and it’ll increase the pressure. If there is a problem, just tap it twice and it’ll shut the pipe off completely.”

“Sounds easy enough,” he says looking the screen over.

“It is,” agrees Rey. “But we have to do it for all the pipes just to be safe so it will take a little while.”

Pulling off her backpack, she sets it down near Kylo and pulls out a large flashlight. “I’ll go walk to the end and wave for you to start the first one.”

Moving to copy Rey, Kylo takes his bag off and places it down next to hers. “Ok, I’m ready when you are.”

Rushing down the walkway, Rey glances over the side and is amazed that she can’t see the bottom of the chamber. When she reaches the end next to the doorway, she turns on her flashlight and waves at Kylo. He hits the first pipe on the screen and Rey listens and looks for any sign of stress. Walking her way back, she moves carefully to ensure nothing goes unlooked but finds nothing.

“Ok start the next one,” she says from the start of the second pipe.

Kylo presses the display and a loud groan fills the air right away. Turning around, Rey waves at him, “SHUT IT OFF!” she shouts but before Kylo can touch the screen it’s too late.

The pipe groans and bursts forth its contents, Rey spins away trying to avoid it which she does narrowly. Hunched over, she braces for any stray drops that can be just as damaging but the Force ripples through the air first. Rey looks up to see Kylo staring at the pipe with his arm out and his hand shaking with power. Wasting no time, Rey stand up to run to him but the coolant acts too quick, freezing the metal walkway under her to the point it creaks the groan. A piece breaks off from under her and Rey falls before she ever has a chance to grab on to anything to prevent it.

“ _OSIRA_!” Kylo shouts as he watches her fall.

Rushing to the edge of the walkway, he looks down over the side. Below he spots Rey a few meters below, her fingers just barely holding on to an edge that sticks out from the wall.

“I’m ok,” she shouts but looks anything but so as he fingers slip a bit.

More metal groans and Kylo has to look away to catch the next hole breaking open from a pipe. He directs the coolant away with the Force and it pours down into the deep chamber away from Rey.

“Can you climb up?” he shouts down to her, unable to look away from where he needs to focus on.

“No!” she yells back up.

Letting out a frustrated growl, the whole second pipe starts to break down and Kylo can’t focus on all the spaces cracking and bubbling outwards.

“I can’t hold this!” he yells, unsure what to do.

“The panel!” Rey shouts. “Shut it down!” 

Keeping one arm up that vibrates violently from the effort he’s putting up, Kylo moves back to the console and looks away a moment to double tap the pipe with his other hand. A red warning glows around it and he starts shouting every curse word he knows. 

“What’s wrong?” yells Rey.

Moving back to the edge, he looks down at her then back to the pipes. “I got a stupid idea! Do you trust me?”

Not sure how to answer, Rey knows she’s not going to be able to make it back up without a rope. There’s just nothing more to grab on close to her and it sounds like the whole pipe is ready to blow.

“YES!” she shouts as loudly as she can. “I TRUST YOU!”

Giving a hard shove with the Force at the pipes to push back the coolant, it buys Kylo the seconds he needs to leaps over the railing and slides down along the wall. He hits the edge she’s holding on to hard but his hand holds. Rey stares at him surprised as Kylo hangs next to her. Reaching out with his other arm, he grabs her roughly and pulls Rey body to his. Instinctively grabbing on, they both look up as the metal groans and explodes out.

“Hold on,” Kylo breathes out and lets go. 

Rey cries out but holds on to his neck for dear life as they fall. She doesn’t know what he’s doing but she’s so scared they are falling to their death right now. It takes only seconds for the ground to rush up at them but Kylo is shouting and there is that awesome blooming of the Force. It’s much like what he did out in the snow but all directed below them to slow their fall. They almost bounce off it and float up a few feet before dropping to the ground at a slow enough rate that Kylo can safely land in a crouch.

The noise above them is thunderous and there’s a horribly loud alarm going off at the same time. Kylo looks up above them and sees the coolant about to rain down. Scooping his arm under Rey’s legs, he turns and runs with her in his arms from the freezing wave approaching. The super cold liquid hits the ground and Rey looks back over Kylo’s shoulder as the walls and floor freeze and crack much to her horror.

“Faster, run _faster_!” she shouts and pats Kylo on the back, trying to get him to move more quickly.

She feels him giving his all and Rey turns around to look ahead and sees a doorway to a hall.

“THERE!” Rey points out.

Kylo see’s it and gets them in just in time as the coolant moves past. Some still comes into the hallway but with the smaller space of the hallway, she feels Kylo force it back out with ease. Watching it move and then dissipate as it freezes into nothing, Rey thinks the back up valve must have finally kicked in the closed the pipe.

With the danger over, she can feel Kylo breathing hard and fast. She looks to him as he turns to look at her. “I can’t believe you just did that,” she whispers. “That was… That was _AMAZING_!” 

Leaning into him, she hugs him tightly around the neck before pulling back just to laugh that they are still alive. “That was so close,” she huffs out.

Having still not said a word, Kylo just stares until she meets his gaze. “Are you ok?” asks Rey, feeling worried she’s missed something important. 

“Yeah,” breathes out Kylo. “I’m fine.”

Catching his breath finally, Rey notices the heavy layer of sweat on his face. Pulling back one of her arms, she grabs the edge of her sleeve and starts to wipe his face to help keep it from getting into his eyes.

“So much for having just cleaned up,” she jokes. “Right?”

A quick smile flashes on Kylo’s face but it doesn’t stay long enough for Rey to really enjoy it.

“Right,” he says softly. 

Pulling her hand back, she wonders why he hasn’t put her down yet but Rey gets her answer when Kylo leans in the pressed his lips to hers. Before she can fully realize what he’s done, Kylo pulls back and scans her eyes with a look of worry and hope in his own. If she questioned what was real or not before, Rey wasn’t anymore in that moment.

Grabbing him quickly by the back of the head, she pulls him in and gives him her own warm and needy kiss. She feels shock run through him from their bond and the way he shivers around her, it thrills her she's having any sort of effect on him. Separating only a moment later, Rey's kiss as brief as Kylo’s, she feels it has the same effect on her too as his own. Staring into his eyes, she looks for a truth she hopes to find there and see’s it looking warmly back at her.

Then lean into each other slowly again, their noses brushing and sliding along one another. Rey shuts her eyes partly and sees Kylo looking at her the same way, from under dark hooded eyes. Skin against skin, they slip closer together until their lips touch hesitantly. This time it’s much softer and completely unrushed, enough Rey can really feel every slow part of it unfold before her. She feels how full and warm his lips are and they linger together, breathing each other's breath, and finding it hard to come apart. When they separate for a third time, neither moves far away before falling again into this strange new gravity between them. Rey wonders if all kisses, real kisses, are like this. She hopes so.

Her fingers dig into Kylo’s wig, pushing them in deeper, she works in between the wefts to feel Kylo's real hair. He breathes out a groan when her fingernails drag along his scalp and Rey gasps at the sound. He tries to kiss her again, harder this time and with much more need, it leaves Rey feeling lost within it. The tips of their tongues brush lightly and its all Rey can handle before becoming incredibly overwhelmed. Pulling back, she’s quick to dip her head and hide her face away to prevent anything more from happening. Kylo breathes deeply in and places one last kiss to the top of her head and she can feel him inhaling the scent of her hair. 

“I’m happy you’re ok,” he whispers in a low and private sort of tone. 

Rey thinks it’s strange for him to talk so quietly since they are alone, but it makes her chest swell with a pleasant warmth that he has. Shutting her eyes, she’s not too sure she knows how to breathe anymore but can’t seem to care. He feels so alive under her, she feels him breathe and his arms feel like they could hold her for hours given the chance. To stay where she is would be more than wonderful but it's all still too new for her, being so close to another. To have her lips feel so warm because of his.

“I’m fine,” she whispers back.

Bending over, Kylo senses the moment is over and carefully puts Rey down on to her feet, but she doesn’t seem to know how to unlock her arms from around him. He reaches up to help her but she doesn’t let go, only pulls him closer to look again deeply into his eyes. The warmth and truth is still there, that he's look at her like he wants her. The longer Rey stares, the more surprised Kylo looks.

“Thank you,” she breathes out and then licks her lips, tasting him there upon them.

Her hands and arms slip out from around his neck but Rey finds herself holding his face shortly after. In an act of bravery she’s now learning she has, Rey tips her head back and kisses him a final time. It's short like the first and second but their lips stick together when they move apart and Rey is left wondering if it's really alright to move apart. 

Slowly standing up, Kylo remains ever so slightly hunched over as he looks down at Rey. “You’re welcome,” he says with what Rey could almost call a warm smile.

She smiles back at him, knowing that he’s trying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look what finally happened! Congrats to all of you who made it this far!


	20. Don’t Hide Yourself Away From Me

Standing at the edge of the hall they had escaped into, Rey slowly peers her head out and looks at the destruction they had fled from. Everything is glittering, frozen and as fragile as eggshells. Just touching her foot to the floor ahead of her sends a spider web of cracks through it. Moving back a few quick steps, Rey feels Kylo behind her, the warmth of his body suddenly so very present in her awareness. It’s hard to ignore him and the feeling of wanting to lean back and rest a moment longer against him. She rejects it of course, work always first on her mind. The small distance between them remains and Rey wants to keep it that way. 

“We’re not getting out that way,” she mutters before groaning low, suddenly recalling an important fact. “Oh no.”

“What is it?” Kylo asks from behind her.

Touching her forehead, she rubs at the tension tightening around her mind. “Our bags were in there,” grumbles Rey.

Walking past her, he moves to where she had been standing and looks for himself at the damage the coolant has caused. Touching a part of the wall, it crumbles under his fingertips and Kylo lets out a sharp hiss. 

“That is kriffing _cold_ ,” he says shaking out his hand.

“If you hadn’t jumped like that, we’d both be frozen,” somberly says Rey. 

Her tone draws Kylo’s gaze back to her and he leaves the frozen hallway to move near her. “I wouldn’t have let that happened,” he says from a few feet away.

There is something different about his eyes now when he looks at her. Rey is left wondering how just a touch of their lips together could make a change, but she sees it. The softening of an edge she forgot had been sharp. Being in a life or death situation has always been a part of her life, one wrong move on Jakku and it’ll snuff your life out before you could blink. It was a fact of life, one she could and had to handle, if she died, it would have been because of her actions alone. Taking a wrong step, not having worked hard enough for food, and so many other ways it could all go wrong. There is something about this time that rattles her.

“Osira,” whispers Kylo as he takes his final step closer to her. “It’s alright,” he says and she knows then her fears are on her face. 

“It’s not!” she shouts angrily. “Everything has to be so hard, I’m _tried_ of it. I’m tired of everything that happens to me having to be a struggle that I barely walk away from. And you have to show up, making everything worse than it is. I have to fight with you, yell at you, and hide everything about me. It is most certainly not all right, not when you do something like that to me. Whatever this is, I don’t understand it because I know it’s just another thing to put on my pile and I can’t stand it. How can you look at me that way?”

Reaching out to her, Rey pulls away but Kylo is quick on his feet. Taking her by the shoulders, she tries to fight him off weakly but it’s hard for her to do so when all she actually wants is for him to hold her. Strong arms wrap around Rey and these are the same arms that Kylo uses to move the Force through, moves his saber with, and now holds her like he wants to protect her from everything. Hope springs with in her but it feels more like death, she feels like she is going to burn too hot and be used up.

Putting her hands on his chest, Rey leans her head just under his chin. “Why do you keep doing this? You shouldn’t, you’re… and I’m, this isn’t going to work.”

Feeling Kylo turn his head and rest his cheek to the crown of her head, he speaks low and carefully. “Do you think I care about that?”

“No,” whispers Re. “But I do.”

“Life is hard,” he speaks softly. “And I’m tired too. I’m not a fool Osira, me caring about you in any form is idiotic and even more so for you. I honestly don’t understand why you would about me but I can see it in your eyes. Maybe I am looking at you the same way, I couldn’t tell you. All I want is to enjoy it, even if this all it’ll be. Some brief strange fling we’ve stumbled into. That’s why I don’t need you to tell me who you are, I know it through your actions. I know it when I can do this.”

A warm hand cups her cheek and they shift slightly, Kylo leans down and press his mouth to hers. It’s light and reassuring in its touch, stroking her cheek he holds her close once more.

“It’s never going to stop being hard,” he whispers. “But it doesn’t have to be completely. I think I’m learning that now.”

Slowly Rey moves her own arms and wraps them around his middle to embrace him back. It’s a bit awkward, both of their vests pressing into one another but they both have strong arms to keep each other close.

“So you really don’t want to know?” she asks.

He chuckles and Rey feels his head shake from it. “Of course I do, I want to know everything about you, but it doesn’t matter. Just tell me what you want, I’ve taken enough information from people over the years that it would be nice to earn it.”

Tipping her head back, she looks at Kylo surprised by his words. “Do you really mean that?” she asks hoping its true.

“I do,” says Kylo firmly as he gazes back down at her. “I don’t want to plan everything out, plans are what got me into the mess I’m in. I just want to see what happens for once.” 

“Is that what you’ve been doing? Following a plan?”

Glancing away, he looks unsure on how to answer her but Rey tries to push into doing so, by slowly moving her hands up his back. It seems to work when he starts speaking again.

“I was up until a few months ago,” says Kylo quietly. “I was slave to it, and it waits for me after this.” 

Grabbing the back of his uniform, Rey wishes he would just speak plainly so she could start to understand him more. They both have their secrets to guard and they both have their reasons. In the end it leaves her feeling nothing but frustrated.

“What do you mean by that?” she asks.

“I can’t say anymore here,” he mutters then looks up at the ceiling, sensing something. “There’s a group of people coming. Del-Mara is with them and she’s not happy.”

“Oh no,” gasps Rey. “She’s going to kill us!”

“Well if she does, I want one last thing before then,” mutters Kylo.

When his mouth meets hers, its different instantly different than the few kisses they shared previously. It’s still warm but it’s so very needy. Their lips crush together in some new form of desperation she did know was within her or him. The kiss does burn Rey like she’s been afraid of, but instead of pain she finds a deep simmering pleasure. Slipping her arms free from around him, she fumbles to reach up and hold his face. Kylo tilts his head and the kiss becomes something more once she’s got a hold of him. Now starting to understand that they could go even farther, Rey wants to see this until its end, to get so lost in it that no one will ever find her again. 

Opening his mouth, Rey feels a wet tip of a tongue tastes her lips. Gasping in surprise they touch again, hesitant like before but only for a moment before they come crashing together. The kiss becomes a messy thing, awkward and with their teeth clacking together, tongues not knowing what to do really but always moving. She can taste some of what Kylo last ate and something else that Rey thinks is the taste of just him. It’s when she thinks she’s starting to understand just a little bit on what feels good that Kylo stiffens and pulls away.

Looking over the top of her head, far away a door clangs. “They’ll be here in a minute,” he says quickly.

Pulling his face back down, Rey resumes the kiss for just a few moments and she feels Kylo’s shock then a deep thrum of pleasure. It fills her with a deep satisfaction before she pulls away and reluctantly moves out of his arms. Reaching up, she quickly fixes her glasses and hair and then notices he’s doing the same. Footsteps approach and Rey can hear that it’s the clear sound of Stromtroopers marching.

She looks to Kylo who is looking at the end of the hall, signaling where they will appear soon. There is no appearance of concern on his face nor in their bond, it soothes Rey and she does her best to stay as calm as him. A Stromtrooper unit of four appears first, then Del-Mara who parts them with her hands. Walking towards Rey and Kylo she looks worried.

“Are you two alright?” she asks as she visibly checks them out for any injuries. 

“Yes, we’re fine,” says Rey as she keeps an eye on the troopers. 

“Good,” the supervisor breathes out then quickly looses any of her concern for them. “You are going to tell me _exactly_ what happened here!”

“Mam,” speaks up one of the Stormtroopers.

Del-Mara turns around and glares at the soldier. “What?” she snaps. 

“It’s General Hux, he wishes to have a word with you. Com channel seven,” says the trooper plainly.

Turning back to Rey and Kylo, she points at both of them. “We’re not done here.”

Lifting up her heel, Rey slides her foot back and moves a step closer towards Kylo. One of the Stromtrooper’s helmets moves slightly and Rey now knows which one of them is watching. They don’t have their blasters at the ready so she breathes slowly, keeping her heart steady. 

Reaching into her pocket, Del-Mara pulls out her comlink and adjusts the controls on it before lifting it to her mouth to speak. “General Hux, how can I help you sir?”

The comlink crackles and Hux’s voice booms from it. “You can help me by telling me just _how_ one of the reactors is running at half power? Do I need to reiterate the importance of needing to maintain power levels when I have two sections currently in ruins?!”

“I had just arrived sir to the area, I’ll be able to report soon the details of the situation,” says Del-Mara a touch flustered.

Leaning her head more towards Kylo, Rey keeps her voice low enough for only him to hear. “Is he always that angry?” she asks.

“Yes,” huffs Kylo. “Just be happy you don’t get to see any of his speeches in person.”

“That bad?” whispers Rey.

“Yes, now hush,” he says with a soft hiss. “I’m sure he’s going to finish soon.”

“And you will get that reactor back to full power or I’ll have your head. Do I make myself clear?” says Hux.

“Yes sir,” Del-Mara says in a clipped but professional tone.

“One last thing Del-Mara,” speaks up Hux again. “I want half your section now instead of the transfers we discussed. Send them as soon as repairs have been completed. With what happened we will get this weapon completed on time. I will not take failure kindly on this matter. In ten weeks from now there will be a full inspection of the work done so far and for your sake you better be ready by then. You’ll find the inspector’s displeasure far less understanding than mine.”

“Who will be conducting it sir?” asks the now worried looking supervisor.

“Why Kylo Ren of course, Supreme Leader Snoke informed me today of it.”

Slowly looking back up to Kylo, Rey finds his face frozen in a stoic expression. “Matt,” she calls to him softly. 

“I said hush,” he snaps, loud enough that Del-Mara takes a glance at them briefly but then ignores them just a second later.

Pinching the bridge of her nose, the older woman shuts her eyes while speaking into the comlink. “I understand General and I will report back to you as soon as I have an update.”

“You better,” grits out Hux’s voice before the comlink dies.

Turning to Rey and Kylo, Del-Mara slips the comlink back into her pocket and sighs. “You will start speaking now and if you do not give me the shortest and simplest answer, I will have you shot. Do you understand?” 

Opening her mouth, Rey flounders, unsure what to do. She looks to the unit of Stormtroopers then back to Del-Mara. “Well I,” she starts to say but Kylo then is speaking over her.

“We were conducting a pressure check to find any damage done during the quake, pipe two critically failed,” he says in a firm steady tone Rey has never heard him speak in before. “We barely escaped down the shaft before the system over loaded. Before I tried to engage the safety locks but they too had been damage. I recommend forwarding the issue to engineering, it appears to me to be more of a design flaw with the system. The backup kicked in far too late to be any real help as you can tell by the state of the hallway behind us.”

The older woman glares at Kylo then nods approvingly. “Good work, but this is on you two, I’ll handle the General but you are under my command so you will be punished for letting something so major happen. If what you say is right, then I’ll deal with the one who was in charge of the design of the parts that failed.”

“What’s with the Stromtroopers?” Rey asks quietly, worried they might hear her.

“Oh them?” Del-Mara says and then takes a quick glance back at the unit. “Just protocol when something of this size happens, we know the first thing the Resistance will do is send spies if they find out about this base. I’ll be sending them back to their unit now that I know it was just you two.”

Turning to address the troopers, Del-Mara waves at one. “We’re all clear here, thank you for the escort.”

“Mam,” says one Stromtrooper before they turn and march back the way they came.

As Del-Mara turns back towards them, Rey feels a sharp pain run through Kylo. It cuts him so deeply that Rey herself shivers in pain from it. It feels like the black hands in her dreams, suddenly appearing and digging its claws into him. He somehow stands still, only his eyes narrowing slightly as he just takes it. She tries to cover her own discomfort by looking away towards the floor.

“I’ll send a team down here to handle this mess, just move on and try not to let anything else happens. I’ll deal with punishing you two later but for now, I’m changing our deal. You work now for twenty four hours straight, starting now, and consider that a slap on the hands,” says Del-Mara firmly.

“Thank you,” grits out Kylo. “We won’t let you down.”

Looking him over, Del-Mara then glances at Rey but she obviously has somewhere else to be. “No more slips up now,” she adds before hurrying away. 

Rey watches her go and soon as they are alone again, she turns to Kylo, putting a hand on his arm. “What’s wrong?” she asks.

Brushing her off, his face is a little red but he can’t seem to bring himself to look at her. “I have to go,” he says and wavers a bit on his feet.

“Go where?” asks Rey who then grabs on to him even more tightly. “What’s going on, just tell me.”

When Kylo looks down at her, there is such an intense pain in his eyes. It feels old and familiar to her through the bond, so much that she reaches for his face to try and help it away. Grabbing her hand, Kylo holds it and still before her fingers can touch him.

“I won't be gone long,” he says, “Just wait for me.”

Another wave of pain is crushing his heart and Rey doesn’t know what to do to make it stop. “Please,” she begs, “Just tell me.”

“It’s Snoke, he wishes to speak to me,” says Kylo with dread in his voice. 

An icy chill runs through Rey as she moves to pull her hand back to her, Kylo lets her go but looks sad about it. “So you are still with them.”

“It’s not like that,” he says quickly. “It’s complicated now. I don’t have time to explain it, I will be back.”

“Ok,” whispers Rey. “Go, I’ll be here when you return, waiting.”

The pain worsens and maybe it cracks something open with in him. Reaching for Rey, he cups her cheek to lift her face so she’ll look at him. “Don’t say it like that, it’ll make me think that you’ll miss me,” he tries to bitterly joke.

A sweeping wave of déjà vu hits Rey hard and she feels like this has happened to her before. “Don’t go,” she says desperately, trusting her gut that something is wrong. “Don’t go to him.”

“I have to,” groans Kylo, who then reaches to hold his side in pain. “You… You just don’t understand. I’ll be fine after, but I can’t go, not until I know you won't be upset at me.”

“I’m not upset at you!” she shouts.

He chuckles darkly and looks at her for a lingering moment. “You’re always upset at me,” says Kylo as he moves to ruffle her hair a bit.

Turning away from her, Rey watches him walk away, unsteady at first but then he straightens up into a tall hard line that stomps a little too loudly. It’s a gait she’s seen before, one that belongs to a man in black. Vanishing from her sight, Rey can still very much feel where he is. Being asked to wait is the last thing she wants to do and can handle, there are too many unanswered questions and she can’t just sit about doing nothing about it. Making her mind up firmly, Rey steels her will and walks down the hall to begin to follow him.

She’s able to keep far behind him, the ability to sense him guiding her but she knows he unable to feel her. Kylo walks to a part of the base she’s never been to and it starts to become harder to follow him with all the people in black uniforms now in the halls. They glance at her more and more and she knows she looks out of place. Lifting her head up, Rey tries to look the part of a worker with somewhere to go, not daring to meet anyone else’s eye. Moving into a room, Kylo stops inside and she gets the feeling he’s reached his destination. Scanning the walls and ceilings, Rey looks for an air duct hatch.

She finds one down the hall and it takes her a little bit once inside it to find the right duct that leads to the. Keeping quiet, Rey wiggles her body and peers between the vents. The room is dark and lit dimly, there is not much in it but it appears there are other rooms branching off from the main one she’s looking into. Hearing movement, Rey puts together that he’s under her doing something. A soft hiss and clicking hits her ears, which is followed by a deep mechanical sigh.

Walking out into her view, Rey covers her mouth as she sees Kylo in his black robes and a new looking mask. His whole outfit looks new as he stops and stands in the middle of the room. There’s something small and metal in his hand that he holds before slipping it away, under all his layers into a pants pocket. On a black pedestal across from him, a hologram flickers to life and draws his attention. A man with a huge scar running down his head sits on a stone throne.

“Supreme Leader, you wished to speak to me,” says Kylo Ren.

Snoke looks at Kylo for a moment then to somewhere on his left. “I wanted an update on your progress, report.”

Bowing his head slightly, Rey see’s Kylo’s shoulder slump. “The Resistance is proving to be illusive Leader. I’ve yet to find the whereabouts of the scavenger girl and where Skywalker is, everyone I’ve integrated thus far has proven useless.”

“Where are you now?” grumbles the leader. “I’ve been having a hard time sensing you, you’re not hiding anything from me now? That would be most unwise.”

“Of course not Supreme Leader, it’s the planet I’m on, its interfering with my ships readings as well,” lies Kylo. “I did hear your call. I’m still searching the outer rim, the Resistance has been using a variety of locations there to pass along information hidden from us.”

A strange sneer twists on Snoke face, “Yes you did. Keep searching, I want them both. If you don’t find them, Hux will, even if he has to remove every planet that stands in our way. I will have the last Jedi. You have ten weeks Ren, after that, I want you to inspect the new Starkiller.”

“Why me?” he asks with a tilt of his head.

With a wave of his hand, Snoke dismisses Kylo. “I want you to weed out any spies, we’ve kept its location hidden for now but I doubt how much longer that will be. I do not want a repeat of a Han Solo sneaking in, do I make myself clear?”

Dipping his head down more, Kylo speak in a low tone. “Yes Supreme Leader.”

The hologram vanishes and Kylo stares at the pedestal. Rey feels the Force and his anger bubble up together before he launches the pedestal it across the room. It hits a nearby wall and shatters, Rey can’t stop the scared little shout that comes out of her. Spinning around, Kylo turns towards her and stares up in Rey’s direction. When he walks towards her, she scrambles backwards but it makes too much noise much to her own grief.

“Who’s there?!” he shouts and it’s then Rey feels him rip the vent from the wall.

Falling to the ground with a hard grunt, pieces of metal rain down around her and Rey makes her self as small as she can.

“Osira?” asks Kylo, his voice even through the mask sounds scared.

Looking up at him, Rey isn’t sure what to feel but being so close to him like this, it does scares her. “Why did you lie to him?” she asks.

“You shouldn’t be here,” he snarls and then metal from around Rey flies away to embed itself into the walls.

“Why did you lie to him?” repeats Rey.

Something cold settles over him, it puts a straight rod through his back and he looks at her from behind his mask like a stranger. “What are you doing here?” he asks coldly.

Standing up slowly, she knows she has to stand strong against him. That weakness will only upset him further. “I wanted to know,” she says calmly.

Taking a few angry strides towards her, Kylo looks taller now or maybe it’s just the way she normally sees him stand. In his robes he takes up more space, looming over her like a planet passing in front of a star. 

“And now you’ve seen too much,” he growls.

“Matt,” says Rey softly.

“That is _not_ my name,” he snaps and the air around him vibrates.

“But you said,” she starts but then can sense he wants her to say it. “Kylo, please take that off.”

His hand reaches out, grabbing her by the hair and pulling her head to one side. Staring down at her, she feels the heavy waves of his anger beat against her.

“You dare tell me what to do?!” he shouts. 

Grabbing his wrist, Rey holds him from pulling at her hair again. “Take that off!” she shouts. “And you tell me why you lied!”

They struggle a bit but Kylo leans in more, putting his mask so close to her face that she knows he’s staring deeply into her eyes. “Is this what you’re interested in?” he snarls. “Is this the type of person you enjoy being around Osira? You want to know about me, well here I am.”

“If you don't take that off, I’ll make you,” threatens Rey.

“I’d like to see you try,” he hisses back.

Jumping at him and even with him grabbing still on to her hair, she gets her hands on his throat. Taking a step back, Kylo stumbles and Rey thrusts her body with the movement, trying to get him to fall. Instead of going down, he moves with it and tosses her off of him. Reaching for his belt, his hands find nothing and it reminds him he’s without a saber.

“Fine,” he snarls. “If this is how you want it.” 

Getting to her feet, they attack each other head on. Grabbling viciously, each tries to get a solid hold on the other but finds it’s quickly countered. Kylo is larger but Rey can get under him, get in close, and from time to time she throws him off balance again. When he stumbles once more, Rey sees her chance and just throws her body as dead weight at him. Kylo slams back hard into a wall, but he’s quick to reach up to grab her by the shoulder. As soon as his hand is on him, Rey turns on him, biting his hand through the leather glove.

“ _Biting_?” he growls before punching her in the other shoulder to get her off.

Stumbling away from him, Rey is quick with her recovery, back on her feet like nothing happened. Waving her hands at him to come get her, Kylo stands back up and throws a chair at her using the Force. Ducking down under it, she pops up suddenly in his face holding a wrench she normally carries. It hits true, striking his mask with a clank and putting a fresh dent into it. Before he can make a grab at her again, Rey skips back a few steps.

Pointing the tool at him as a warning, she watches him shake off a bit of dizziness from her blow. “You take that off or I’ll bash it in around that head of yours,” she demands. 

“You fight like a savage,” he says darkly. “Who taught you how to fight?”

“I did,” she says with a sneer. “Now, do you want more or are we going to talk?”

“I don’t think we will,” says Kylo who then motions with his hand at her wrench.

It’s pulls out of her hand and thrown across the room. He tries to throw her too but he’s left just grunting when the Force won't move to his will around her.

“Why are we fighting?” she asks and Kylo stops in his quick steps towards her.

“What?’ he asks.

“Why are we fighting?” insist Rey. “You don’t want this.”

Tightening his hands into fists, he hunches down, ready to attack but he speaks first. “How do you know what I want?” 

“Did we not just kiss? Look at you now, you’re ready to break my bones.” Losing the taste for violence, Rey drops her guard, which clearly confuses him. “I don’t want to fight you. Please come out of there.”

Slowly Kylo lowers his hands but he doesn’t move from where he’s standing. “This will always happen,” he says in a cold mechanical voice. “Us, fighting. You’re Resistance, something I’ll never be.”

Taking a step towards him, Rey holds her hands open for him to see she means peace. “Then why start now? We both know the other has to leave, why start now? Don’t you want to at least enjoy this, even for a little while? You said so yourself that you wanted to.”

“This?” says Kylo, sounding unsure of the word. “What is this? It was a few kisses, you think that means something?”

“I don’t know what it means but I’d like a chance to find out. Do you really want me to accept this side of you? The one who puts his face behind a mask and has no room for things like mercy or love.”

“Love?” crackles from the mask.

Shaking her head, Rey looks around the room and the damage they’ve done. “I’m not saying that’s what this is, I only know I’m drawn to you and I see it in you too. Of course I know I should run from you, but I’m not going to. I won't let myself be frighten of you anymore.”

“Those are brave words,” Kylo speaks as he stands up taller. “Let’s put them to the test, shall we?”

Walking over to Rey, he stares down at her and she feels the Force whipping around him in a storm of energy.

“I’ve heard words like the one’s you’ve said before,” he says. “One of those people who said such things to me is dead. I killed him, ran him through like he was nothing. Why would I waste any time or real energy on someone like you?” 

“I don’t know,” she whispers. “That’s something you would have to decide for yourself. If you want nothing to do with me, tell me to leave and I will. I can’t force anyone to stay with me, short or long, I’ve only ever wanted someone who wanted to. I thought you understood that, I thought you know how that feels. I thought you could understand me.”

“Give me your hands,” says Kylo.

She looks at the visor of his mask and hates she can’t see his face, the one that can’t seem to ever lie to her. Giving hope a chance, Rey lifts and puts her hands out stretched for him. Kylo moves closer and takes them before bending down at the waist before her. Guiding her hands, he shows Rey where the hidden latch is and she pushes on them. The front of the mask hisses and slides up, lifting the mask off of him it’s heavier than it looks.

Moving it away from him, Kylo is staring at her, trying to keep whatever emotional war he’s fighting at bay. Rey has to bend away for a moment to set the heavy thing down on the floor but when she stands back up, she touches his face, smoothing the lines there with her fingertips.

“There you are,” she whispers.

“Did you mean all that?” he asks with a trembling voice.

Tracing his scar and then his brows, Kylo shuts his eyes as she then lightly brushes her thumbs over them. “Yes, I wouldn’t have said it if I didn’t.”

“I lied because I don’t want him to know, “ he confesses and then leans his face a little more into her touch. “I told you I’m hiding, but I can’t for long.”

Putting her hands through his black hair, Rey looks at it, the shine and how it spills off her hands so smoothly. “So you don’t actually want to find that girl or Luke Skywalker?”

“No,” he sighs. “The scavenger, Rey, she changed everything. I use to think I belonged with her, side by side, that we would have defeated Snoke and become something amazing. I was going to teach her how to use the Force but now she’s with that old man, following the light to whatever end.”

“How did you know all of this?” she asks softly, still touching and running her hands through his hair.

“I saw it, once. I was shown the way and had been following it, expecting it to be true,” he says looking at her. “Snoke, he twisted it, I see that now or maybe it was Rey, and that FN-2187. I didn’t see him there before, in the vision, and when it happened, he was. I was so sure it was right, now… I know nothing. What has happened, it’s all wrong, its not what I was told would be.”

Running her hands down the side of his face, she holds his jaw and tries to smile a little. “But if that had happened, we’ve would have never met,” Rey says warmly.

He looks surprised by her words but then looks away shyly, “I don’t even know your name,” mutters Kylo.

“You have three different names now, what does it matter?” she chuckles.

He shrugs, conceding to her logic. “I still want to know it.”

“Have you thought about leaving? The First Order, Snoke, all of this?” asks Rey with hope in her voice.

“And do what?” he says meeting her eyes once again. “I can’t escape him, right now, this is just me deflecting him, and I can only do it once. I was using this time to think, figure out what I should do.”

She knows what they are talking about is serious but Rey fights a small laugh from escaping from her. “So you became a man named Matt? A radar technician?”

Dropping his head from her hands, he sighs deeply. “I didn’t say it was a good idea, I’ve never tried to get away before from the Order. But I couldn’t fully, Snoke won’t allow it, so I thought I could blend in. Become no one.”

“I’m sure you’d stand out no matter where you go,” says Rey as she touches his hair again, slowly rubbing his scalp in calming strokes. 

Keeping his head down, Kylo doesn’t move and Rey wonders if his back is aching from being so hunched down like he is. “That…feels nice,” he mutters and she does laugh this time. 

“My hands?” she asks.

“Yeah,” he breathes out. 

Rey continues for a while and smiles a bit more when he leans towards her, his head slightly resting on her stomach. Feeling the time for talking is over and they still need to go back to work, her hands move a little farther down, brushing at the edge of the neck seal around his neck.

“You should go get changed,” she says softly. 

Reaching up, his hands grab and hold her hips. “Can I stay like this, just a little longer?” 

Something painful twists in heart at the sound of his voice, at how much of a sad plea it is. “Just a little longer,” she whispers before bending down to kiss the crown of his head. “Don’t leave me behind like that again, please, not until we have to part.” 

He nods against her and his arms then move to embrace her middle. Holding her close, Rey curls down around his bent form. “I won't,” he whispers. “I wish I could hold you for so much longer than that.”

Biting down on her bottom lip, Rey fights the need to cry and buries her face into his hair. “I wish you could too,” she mutters. “I think I really do.” 

Her trembling is too much to ignore and Kylo carefully moves back so he can stand up further upright. Rey watches him with glassy eyes but he doesn’t leave, just crowds back in to embrace her and put his own glove covered hands through her hair. They just hold one another, no words needing to be said. She feels him through the bond and this time it’s more of a sound instead of a pounding wave. A note that echo’s through her to the core with a haunting but oddly warm cadence. The sound is so lovely that Rey gets lost listening to it as it wavers between sweet and effervescent.

When he turns his head to place a soft kiss to her neck, the note becomes stronger and more pure. “I’ll go get changed,” he breathes against her skin.

Letting him go, Rey nods in agreement but then their lips find one another. It surprises her, how kisses can feel so different. It’s the same idea, putting two mouths together, but so far, each one hasn’t been the same. This one is all warmth and comfort and they taste one another, unrushed but also still so unsure. It’s strange for her to think and feel she needs him in anyway but right now Rey wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. Maybe later she’ll think it’s a foolish thought but the way he makes her feel, the way she feels soothed too is just what she needs.

“We need to stop doing this,” she says, trying to lighten the mood.

“Stop what,” he mutters while placing another soft kiss to her hair.

“Fighting.”

A warm but awkward chuckle comes from Kylo, “But I like fighting with you, but I understand what you mean.”

His robes feel strange under her hands, the layers thick like armor. She wonders if it is that, a type of armor. Turning her head, Rey presses an ear to his chest and is sad to fight they are too thick to hear his heart. They feel like a wall to her, that he’s hidden himself behind, just like the mask.

“I want to help you,” says Rey suddenly.

Rey feels him lift his head, unsure what she is asking. “With what?” he says.

Plucking at the edge of his scarf, Rey looks up to Kylo. “This, I want to help you take this off.”


	21. How Your Hand Fits Into Mine

In one of the adjacent rooms Rey stands before Kylo, silently observing his calm demeanor. It’s a false façade, his real feelings roll off of him in nervous waves like in an ocean, reminding her easily of Ahch-To. She thinks of the shore and rocks that litter the island’s coast. Becoming stone like, Rey calmly lifts her hands up towards his face, motioning him to bend down. Kylo obliges her with hooded eyes that carefully watch her hands glide over his cloak and hood before removing it from him. Bunching the fabric in her hands, Rey feels how new it is and remembers the last time she saw this outfit how worn and abused it was. The material before her now, not even a thread looks out of place.

The cloak is taken from her, Kylo gently pulling it away to toss it on to the minimalistic looking bed they are standing next to. Before he can move his hands away, she takes ahold of them gently, slowly pulling off each glove one finger at a time. The leather is smooth but his hands are hard underneath, rough with calluses and littered with scars about his joints. She compares her own hands to his, that despite the size difference, they both show years of hard work. Touching the underside of his wrist sends a slightly twitch runs through one of his hands and Rey smiles softly at the reaction.

Moving on to his neck seal, her fingers find the edge of the seam and Rey carefully pulls apart the hooks holding it closed. It peels off of him like a second skin that she tosses away without any hesitation before touching the skin it was hiding. Kylo becomes tense under her fingertips and Rey finds a thin sheen of sweat clinging to his skin there. Never lingering in one spot of too long, even his scar gets no special attention from her as she moves further down over his robes and chest. Unhooking his belt open, Rey slides it off from around his waist but brushes her thumb across the hook for his saber, it too unworn. It lands on the bed without much fanfare like the rest of the clothing so far but Rey doesn’t stop there.

Piece by piece she removes each of his layers, as numerous as they are. The top robe is lifted up and over his head, the heavier pleated armor robe opens from the middle as well as the last bottom robe, one that looks to be for padding. Under it all Rey finally finds him in high waisted pants, suspenders, a top layer that is his sleeves, and a black tank top under it all.

Having kept silent the entire time, she can’t any longer. “Have enough layers on?” she chuckles warmly.

Kylo stays strangely quiet but Rey doesn’t press him to answer, only glances up to him to makes sure she can continue. He looks a little far away, unsure how to exist in such a moment so she moves to bring his focus back to her. Grabbing on to his suspenders, Rey pulls him down and kisses him briefly, just long enough to feel him come back to her. When he leans back in to return the favor, they move together as Rey slips each strap down over his arms to hang freely from his waist. Keeping close but not touching their lips together again, she then pulls the zipper down holding his last armored layer on. The sleeves take a bit of tugging to get off and Rey now knows just how tightly they are shaped to his arms. Much like his hands, there’s a thick cord of muscle running through them and a variety of scars littering his skin. The biggest of course the one she’s given him that starts on his shoulder, despite being healed it still looks rather angry. 

Tugging at a section of his tank top, Rey wonders if she should pull it off but Kylo makes the choice for her. Reaching down for the edge, he pulls it free from his pants and up and over his head. The rest of his body isn’t any better than what she’s seen so far and Rey’s eyes look to the large scar at his side immediately. It’s healed just as messily and she can easily picture the memory of his blood on the snow and the heavy sound of him pounding his fist against it angrily. There are more scars of course, one’s she doesn’t know the stories behind but each looks equally unpleasant. There is still a part of her that is telling her to run away, to get far from him, its silenced a little too quickly when she meets his eyes.

Kylo is so much large than her and it’s beyond obvious that he can take far more physically punishment. When Rey reaches out and touches his stomach, she feels him shake and knows how fragile he is too on top of all his hardness. It’s one of the reasons why she’s fascinated about him, that he tries to be like durasteel but just a gentle touch has him bending to her will. Such power could go to her head but Rey knows to respect it, that she only has it because he’s allowed it.

“I guess I was wrong,” she chuckles. 

Lifting his arms up, Kylo takes a gentle hold of her wrists and stills Rey’s movements. “Wrong about what?” he asks softly.

With a gleam in her eye, she looks up at him. “That Kylo Ren does have an eight pack.”

His cheeks flush red before he bows his head, letting his hair partly hide his face. “Normally it doesn’t look that way,” mutters Kylo. “But with the food we’ve been eating, I’ve lost some weight. It’s better if you have a bit of fat, protects your core better in a fight.”

“So what,” laughs Rey. “Normally it’s just six then?”

Pulling away from her, he moves to the bed and tries to act busy with picking up all of his discarded clothing. “I can handle the rest,” grumbles Kylo who’s clearly embarrassed now.

Moving to his side, he appears almost started when he notices Rey there. Having an idea, she steps up on to the bed, making herself taller than him by just an inch or two. The clothes are dropped back on to the bed and he turns to her, following her lead. Rey puts her arms around his neck with a smile and Kylo sets his hands on her waist, holding her still as they stare at one another for a long moment. It’s easy to his vulnerability but it makes her head spin at how not that not long ago he was so far behind a wall from her. That they just had been throwing each other about his main room and now there was only tenderness left. There so much she wants to say to him but it’s all too new and jumbled for Rey to express properly so it remains unspoken.

Having always felt more comfortable with just acting, Rey leans in and presses a soft kiss to his mouth, hoping to soothe him even partly so. His own hands don’t stay idle as they slip up and around her, pulling Rey into a firm hug. They kiss slowly, time moving like thick oil between them. Rey feels him breathe her in and relax finally under her lips. Kylo’s good mood doesn’t stop there and he surprises her by lifting Rey up off the bed by leaning back. She gasps into his mouth as her feet dangle but she’s so sure her vest has to be digging into his chest.

“Sorry,” mumbles Rey.

“About what?” asks Kylo before tilting his head to kiss her jaw.

Leaning her head back, she eyes shut and gives him better access to continue. “My vest,” she says a little breathless. “It must be comfortable for you.”

“Do you think I honestly care,” he chuckles before running the tip of his nose to her ear. “Because I don’t.”

The loss of control shakes Rey as she begins to feel overwhelmed by Kylo. Pulling her head back, she breathes out unsteadily and taps his shoulder, signaling she wants down. Placing one last kiss to just below her ear he does so, putting her down on the floor. Rey is sure she’s just as flushed at him and they both share a small smile before parting reluctantly. There’s no bitterness about it, just a lingering good mood over what they just shared.

“I’ll wait just outside for you,” says Rey with a nod of her head towards the main room.

Watching Kylo suck in his own bottom lip, she knows he can taste her there just as much as he’s on her own lips at the moment. It sets her skin on fire and Rey rushes out into the main room without a word, unable to meet his gaze any longer. Out of sight, she takes calming breaths but can hear him moving about, putting things away. Kylo doesn’t make her wait long and the fire under her skin is mostly gone when he reappears.

Back in his work uniform, wig, and glasses, he pauses in the doorway to look at Rey who has her back to the wall. He looks to be thinking about something and then looks over to the door out. 

“If something ever happens,” he says in a low voice. “You get into trouble here, this room will be safe for you. No one would dare enter it, no one but you.”

Not wanting to get back into anything serious, Rey looks at the door soon and says lightly, “Is this your way of showing you care about what happens to me?” 

Turning to look at her, his eyes are serious but they are anything but hard. “I care,” he says quietly.

Reaching out towards him, Rey motions for his hand. Kylo moves it for her to take and she laces their fingers together. “I care too you know, if I didn’t I would be here,” she whispers. “I wouldn’t have followed you.”

“I’m still upset that you did,” he says honestly. “But… it was good that you did.”

“I’ll make a deal with you,” says Rey. “If you can wait, let me have some time to think and process all of this, I’ll tell you my name, I’ll tell you who I am. Just because you don’t know now, that doesn’t mean I’m faking this. This is… very real to me.”

“It’s obvious you have your reasons, just… don’t make me wait long is all I ask,” he mutters.

Nodding her head, she squeezes his hand and moves a step closer to Kylo’s side. “A few weeks, that’s it, I want to be sure what I’m getting into with you. That we can trust one another.”

“A few weeks,” he repeats. “Fine, you have until then.” 

Looking down at the clock on her bracelet she sees they have twenty-three hours left now for work. Rey isn’t sure how they are going to do this, she’s already pretty tired at this point but Kylo squeezes her hand again and knows it won't be her alone struggling. She smiles briefly at him then looks around at the room and how it’s an utter mess.

“Are you going to just leave it like this?” she asks.

“For now?” he says with a shrug. “I’ll deal with it later. We have somewhere else to be, right?”

“Supply won't be happy with us either but we should go there first, again,” grumbles Rey.

Kylo makes a soft hum that he’s heard her but moves with a quick step in front of her. She can only look up as he leans down into her vision.

“One last thing,” he says smoothly. “For luck.”

Putting her a hand on his chest, Rey stops him before he can kiss her again, “For luck?” she huffs amused.

“I can make up another excuse if you want me to,” he provides.

Moving her hand up to touch his face, she cups his jaw and smiles knowingly. “No, that one sounds good enough to me,” she whispers.

The kiss is sweet, warm, and oddly pure, it leaves Rey feeling all the more lighter afterwards. Taking strength from it, she knows they’ll both need it to last through their now even longer workday. When they part, they still hover close enough that they might just do it again but Rey knows enough is enough right now.

“I really like doing that,” she confesses in a whisper.

A ghost of a smile tries to work its way onto Kylo’s lips and Rey is surprised it actually does so in the end. “Me too,” he say back just as quietly as her.

Moving quickly, she gives him a quick peck on the cheek then backs away so he can’t waste anymore time. “Come on,” she says moving towards the door. “It’s easier to fight off sleep if you don’t stop moving.”

Following her, Kylo chuckles bitterly. “Oh that’s right, no sleep today.”

At the door Rey can’t see a control panel to open it with but it lifts up with a wave of Kylo’s hand. She looks out into the hallway and is relieved to find it empty, knowing they look out of place currently where they are now.

As if reading her thoughts, Kylo leans in from behind and says into her ear with amused hum, “No one will see us, I’m making sure of it.”

“But what about the cameras?” she asks. 

“Those too,” he confirms. “They’ll get nothing but static as we walk by.”

Rey looks impressed and Kylo appears to be just as pleased by her reaction, but he quickly falls into a steady and measured focus as they walk together. Keeping to his word, Rey doesn’t a single black uniform the whole way back and the more distance they put behind them, the better she feels. Seeing first hand just what effect wearing that mask does to Kylo, she knows the farther away he is from it, the better off he is. As walk on she also notices the way Kylo’s posture starts to change, going back to something smaller and more befitting his cover as Matt. If it is something he does consciously or not, Rey isn’t entirely sure of the answer.

When they cross into the hall for their start of their sector, she feels Kylo relax and shortly later people appear once again into the halls. Like a floodgate breaking, people surge forth, hurrying to and fro but new the chaos only serves to energize Rey. It leaves her feeling ready and willing to tackle any problem. When they reach the supply room finally, she takes the lead as normally so and the man behind the counter looks at her strangely.

“Hi, I put in an order a little over an hour ago,” Rey says with a polite smile. “I’m going to need the same supplies again. Under the name of Osira Stoma.” 

“Again?” says the man who looks even more wary of her. “Alright, I’ll just check first if you have clearance for it. Wait here.”

“You might want to turn that down a little,” says Kylo, his voice almost on the edge of laughing.

Looking up at him, Rey doesn’t know what he means. “Turn what down?” she asks.

If Kylo does laugh, it’s only with his eyes, which is strange and thrilling in itself for Rey to see. “You are smiling a little too much,” he mutters. “It’s the First Order remember? No one is happy to be here.”

Reaching up to touch her face, Rey finds her cheeks warm to the touch. “Sorry,” she says and tries to think of calming thoughts instead. 

“It’s fine,” says Kylo who then does actually chuckle. “You look… nice like that.”

Folding her arms on to the countertop, she pushes her head down between them and groans. “Please don’t say those sort of things right now,” pleads Rey.

“Why not?” is purred by Kylo into her ear and far too close for her liking.

Lifting her head back up with a jerk, Rey stares as he hovers near by. “Stop it,” she hisses and moves to push him away. “Behave!" 

Noticing the man returning, Kylo takes a further step back away and silently Rey mouths, “thank you,” before looking back to the supply room worker.

Setting down two bags, he looks between the two of them sternly. “If you lose these a second time, you’re out of luck.”

Grabbing one of the bags, Rey tosses it to Kylo without looking. He catches it but looks a touched cross she didn’t give him any warning before doing so. Taking her own bag, Rey nods agreeably at supply room worker.

“Of course,” she says. “Won’t happen again. I’ll make sure of it, but I do need one last thing. A new datapad, I had mine in my last bag that’s lost now.”

Reaching down under the counter, he pulls another one out and slides it to her. “Do not loose that,” he says tapping his fingers against it. “And I will be contacting Del-Mara to notifying you took a new one.”

“She knows,” speaks up Rey. “And thank you again.”

Turning away from the supply counter, she motions for Kylo to move and they set off down the hall once again. Putting her bag onto her back, Kylo just slips one arm through his and holds on to it by the strap. Not wanting a repeat of last time, Rey holds out the datapad and quickly accesses the main section of information for workers. There’s a map she sees being updated with areas that have been cleared already but most of it is still red.

“We’ve been in this area before,” she says pointing to the map. “We’ll start here and walk the halls.”

“So long as we stay away from those coolant pipes, I don’t care where you say we should go,” mutters Kylo.

Jabbing an elbow at his sides, Rey hits him but it’s without any real force. What she does manage to do is get a hint of a smile from him for it. Where they end up isn’t far, just down a few levels and into one of the main back halls that serve as a quick access to pipes running along and a variety of different electronic junctures.

Pulling out her flashlight from her vest, Rey motions with a wave of her hand for Kylo to do the same. “This won't be the most exciting work,” she says clicking it on. 

“I wasn’t expecting it to be,” he replies before giving his a spin with his fingers first.

“Show off,” she mutters and then points to one side of the hall. “Just walk along and look for any damage or cracks in the walls, you see any, call it out and I’ll mark it down.” 

Giving her a mocking salute with the end of the flashlight, Kylo chuckles, “Yes mam.”

Hitting him harder this time in the side, Rey glares up at him. “And don’t call me mam, you’re older than me anyways.”

“Yes boss,” he quickly corrects.

Hallway after hallway they check, moving along slowly and thoroughly. Kylo calls out a few spots to mark down and Rey indicates each on the datapad, leaving a detail note as to the exact issue for each. She finds some problems herself but after the first two hours it all starts to blur together. Too much has happened to her today and her mind shouts to have a proper reset of some kind. Waiting until they cleared at least one good-sized section of the level, she stops Kylo at the end of one halls.

“How tired are you?” she asks.

“I’m fine,” he says looking at her knowingly. “Why do you ask?”

Looking around first to make sure there are no other workers around, Rey then lifts her glasses up and rubs at her tired eyes. “I need a nap, badly. Just fifteen minutes at best. I haven’t been sleeping well and then with all of today, its just hit me a little harder than I thought.”

A gentle hand is pressed to her shoulder and she puts her glasses back on and looks up to Kylo. “Say no more,” he says softly. “You sound like you have a place in mind.”

“I do,” she whispers. “You can keep checking the halls and I can hide up in that pipe you climbed up into after me before. If you need to go after me, I’m happy to do the same.”

He gives her a quick pat on the shoulder with his hand then slips his flashlight back into his vest. “I’m fine,” he says. “I’m use to being awake for long hours.”

Putting her own flashlight away too, Rey keeps her head down and says softly, “Thank you.”

“Team kickass, remember?” says Kylo firmly and Rey can’t help up but look up at him and smile.

“Yeah I remember, I’m one who came up with it,” she says back with a playful glare.

Pushing her to lead on, Kylo chuckles from behind Rey, “Good and don’t forget that.”

Brushing off his hand from her back, she takes a few quick steps ahead and leads onward. They work their way further down in the levels and end up back in the same dark and cramped passageway as before. It’s easy to find the same pipe Rey climbed up into previously by following the pipe striped in green again. Kylo watches her from below climb up and she made sure to leave the datapad with him before doing so.

“Fifteen minutes, no more now,” Rey calls down to him.

“I heard you,” mumbles Kylo but there’s no heat to his words.

Watching him go first before crawling a little further into the pipe, Rey uses her bag as a pillow and curls up into a tight ball. She hopes rest will come easily to her and it works well enough when she falls quickly into a deep sleep. It remains thankfully dreamless but she wakes slowly after some time and feels something heavy lie across her back. Time and where she is exactly remains too fuzzy of concepts for her to grasp but Rey starts to get the feeling its been more than fifteen minutes slowly as she wakes.

Lifting her head up, she sees her head is in Kylo’s lap and he’s asleep above her. Waking completely with a swift jerk, his arm gets knocked off as Rey sits up. Her anger rises up instantly but the powerful emotion doesn’t hold for long when Rey catches sight of the datapad still on by his side. Reaching for it, she looks over the work he’s done and finds Kylo must have worked on for another two hours by himself.

Turning if off, Rey holds it in her lap then looks up to his sleeping face. “Use to staying awake for hours my ass,” she mutters but then thinks about how many times and how long he’s used the Force today.

Putting the datapad back next to him, Rey settles back down to where she was before and even wraps his arm around her again. “What am I going to do with you?” she whispers.

“Sorry,” mumbles a sleepy Kylo.

Turning her head to look up at him, he tries to fight a yawn but turns his head away and gives in to it. “You were snoring and drooling all over your bag, I didn’t have it in me to wake you.”

“So you made yourself comfortable instead under me?” she says cuttingly. 

He winces slightly at her tone but moves to rest his head back against the pipe. “Can you blame me?” says Kylo quietly. 

“No,” she huffs and then turns back on to her side. “But I said just fifteen minutes and I meant that.”

“Fifteen or two hours, makes no difference,” he mumbles. “I still got the work done. It’s only been about ten since I climbed up here.”

“You’re going to make me lazy,” Rey almost whines. 

The arm across her back moves and Kylo rubs a slow soothing circle into her shoulder. Not knowing how sore it was, Rey shuts her eyes and sighs as her muscle loosens under his touch. 

“I doubt that,” he says softly. “I was going to get us both up in five minutes anyways.”

“Sure,” mutters Rey while leaning more into his touch. “No more slacking off after this, for both of us. Not until tomorrow. Then everyone, including you, can leave me well enough alone.”

“Including me?” says Kylo in a low smooth voice he’s used a few times already. “That doesn’t seem fair.”

Turning her head enough to glare at him, Rey isn’t sure what more he’s implying but she’s not in the mood for it. “Since it’s your room too only you then, but no one else.” 

“Lucky me,” he yawns again.

Feeling like she might nod off again, Rey takes a deep breath in and steels her will. Getting up, Kylo looks disappointed when she pulls away and reaches for her bag instead of staying with him. There isn’t much room to move around in but Rey does find a way to get off of him and move towards the entrance of the pipe with her stuff. 

Putting her bag on to her back, Rey looks to Kylo while doing so. “You stay here longer if you want, its only fair,” she concedes. 

Shaking his head, Kylo picks up the datapad and hands it to her. “No, I’m good.”

When she gives him a look saying she doesn’t believe him, he shoots back a deep frown at her. “Really,” he presses. “I’m fine now.”

Moving to the edge of the pipe, she sticks one leg over and points at him. “Don’t let it happen again,” she says and then slips over the side.

Crawling down the side of the wall, Rey looks up when Kylo calls down to her. “Do not be mad at me because I let you sleep in, you needed it,” he says from over the edge.

Grabbing on to another pipe, Rey leaps to another and catches herself effortlessly. “Don’t tell me,” she grunts, “what I need. I know what I need better than you do.”

“Didn’t we fight already once today?” huffs Kylo as he joins in climbing down.

“This isn’t a fight,” she snaps. “And that was your fault. Has anyone told you before you over react?" 

Staring down as she jumps to the floor, Kylo hangs from a pipe above frowning. “Am I supposed to congratulate you on your fine observation skills Osira?”

“Of course,” says Rey with a smile while looking up at him.

He lands next to her with a grunt and looks anything but pleased. “Congratulations then,” he says sourly.

Hitting him in the stomach, Kylo grunts again and gives Rey a quick and hot glare to not do that again. Rey ignores it of course and smiles a little more his way, “Let’s go lazy bones,” she says and takes his hand before he can protest about that too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay in this chapter, I came down with a high fever this week but I'm recovering well now. I also got some amazing help by [Nauticx](http://nauticx.tumblr.com/) who is being super kind to go back and beta the old chapters with better fixes than I can do. I'll be going back soon and updating them starting after this chapter. I'll still be updating as usual until we catch up with the current one.
> 
> I do want to provide a little bit of clarification and this could be counted as a spoiler but I rather say it since I got so many comments on the subject. This fic will have smut, a good amount of it, but nothing will happen until he finds out about Rey so sorry if you have to wait but slow burn is far slower than you think it is.
> 
> Bonus:  
> [Fan art by me!](http://ellensama.tumblr.com/post/142050854487/i-had-time-today-and-did-some-messy-doodles-for)


	22. Every Step We Take

For ten hours straight they walk hallway after hallway as each hour stretches out before them like an impossible task to endure. Rey finds herself often now rechecking the same area over and over again. Her feet are heavy in her work boots and she drags them along like a pair of dead bodies. When time starts to feel like it’s flowing backward rather than ahead, is when her legs give out. Swaying to her left, her shoulder brushes up against the wall then her body slides down to the floor in a messy heap. Her rest is quickly taken from her by Kylo who moves to stand before her, bending down he lifts Rey back up by her arms.

“No,” Rey whines. “Just let me sit for a while.”

“Not for another nine hours,” says Kylo while putting her onto her feet again. “You said to keep moving so we keep moving.”

“Nine?” she repeats. “Why is it nine?”

Their eyes meet and Kylo looks just as tired as she feels but he lacks any sympathy for her in his gaze. “I thought you were tougher than this,” he mutters bitterly and Rey hates how he almost sounds disappointed with her.

The effect it has on her is immediate and the need to prove him wrong acts like a fire, igniting Rey’s drive to keep going.

“I am!” she shouts. “It’s just insane to work this long with no rest.” 

“You had rest, more than me,” snaps Kylo.

“That’s your fault,” hisses Rey as they share a heated glare.

“I was trying to be nice,” he snarls.

Pushing him away, back to his side of the hall, Rey turns to her own and checks the same spot yet again for hopefully the last time.

“Next time you want to be nice, how about not agreeing to Del-Mara’s offer? You didn’t even try and barter with her,” says Rey distastefully.

Looking up between two pipes, the small hallway becomes thick with both of their anger. “I didn’t hear you speaking up to do so otherwise,” says Kylo with a scoff.

Seeing a small crack in her wall, Rey takes out the datapad and for what feels like the millionth time, fills out a short report about it and marks it on the map. “You seemed more than happy to take the lead then, so I let you,” she says matter of fact while her fingers type away.

“Only because you weren’t saying anything,” he says and stops to watch her work for a moment. 

Putting the datapad away, she gives him a pointed stare and says, “I’m not exactly comfortable speaking when there is a group of Stormtroopers armed nearby.”

There is a dark sort of smile that comes to his lips that Rey hates right away. She can see Kylo looking at her from behind Matt’s glasses, observing with a hawkish stare.

“Are you telling me you were worried about them?” he asks while standing up just a little taller. “I told you, I’m not going to let anything happen to you.” 

“And I told you,” says Rey confidently, “I can take care of myself.”

Crowding into her space with a few quick steps, Rey lifts her chin up at him and refuses to be backed up into the wall by Kylo. It seems to only please him more that she does so and he meets her defiance head on by looming over her.

“I know that,” he whispers. “That still doesn’t change the fact of what I would do to someone if they laid a hand on you.” 

Her surprise only lasts a moment and with a quick widening of her eyes a flurry of thoughts and idea’s pass through Rey. She’s never forgotten who Kylo really is, never will, but he teases her with something she’s never had before. It’s a dark delight but Rey knows better, that his words and meaning come with a cost she doesn’t want someone else to pay for.

“You will do nothing,” she says with the deepest and most serious tone she can give herself. “While I appreciate greatly what you have done, I can handle my own fights thank you very much. I’m not _yours_ to guard.”

“But you are,” he presses on. “If we are teammates, you are. If you want to do more than just work together, to keep kissing me then I’m going to. I have no doubt you can handle your own Osira, no doubt at all, but that doesn’t mean I’ll ever keep idly by. That’s not who I am.”

Not wishing for the mood to get any darker, Rey narrows her gaze at him and says dryly, “Is this your idea of trying to flirt with me because it’s really terrible. You do that sort of thing already, less now but I haven’t forgotten the man’s arm you broke or how you still want me to watch you murder a man named Bob.”

Kylo’s eyes brighten at mention of the name but he looks away, suddenly lost in thought. “Oh right, Bob,” he mutters as if he already has a dozen plans in mind on what to do to him.

Drawing his attention back to her, Rey smacks Kylo in the arm and shakes her head no. “You’re missing my point, no fighting, for me or for you,” she says.

Looking back towards Rey, his dark smile comes back with a vengeance. “But you’re fine with flirting?” Kylo asks in a cheeky tone.

“Not when we are suppose to be working,” she says curtly.

Putting a hand to her waist, Kylo gently thumbs at Rey’s hip through her uniform. “You said you wanted to take a break,” he offers.

“And you reminded me we can’t,” she says with a smug smile.

“When did you start listening to me?” he whispers and leans down a little more.

“I listen,” breathes out Rey and she lifts her head up to meet his lips.

“And just _what_ is going on _here_?” says a man suddenly.

Pushing Kylo away, Rey’s head snaps to her right as she’s caught unawares. Standing at the end of the hall is a man she has the unfortunate pleasure of knowing. He’s leans one elbow against the wall and stands casually as if he had been watching them the whole time. Taking a glance at Kylo, Rey feels his anger rise hot and fast and she can’t help wondering if she had distracted him enough he didn’t feel the new comer arrive.

Licking his lips, the man pushes off from the wall and walks towards them at a leisurely pace. “I see how it is now,” he says. “Blonds are more your type, aren’t they? Not that this guy’s hair is going to win any awards.”

She watches him jerk a thumb in the direction of Kylo as he speaks but Rey is the one to step in between the two men, keeping them firmly apart. “Mardos,” she sighs bitterly. “What do you want?”

“That’s a very good question Osira, seeing as I just caught you two about to do something that would get the both of you in a whole galaxy full of trouble,” Mardos says smugly.

Looking her over, he takes his time staring at every bit of her until he meets Rey gaze with a hungry smile. “What are you going to offer me to keep my mouth shut?” he asks overly pleased with himself.

Rolling her eyes, Rey stealthy moves a hand to behind her back and waves at Kylo not to move. She can feel his gaze catch her movement and for once he listens to her and stays quiet.

“I found your crumbs the other day you pig,” she says with a sneer.

“Pig?” snaps Mardos and all of his good humor quickly evaporates. 

Pointing a finger at Rey, she feels Kylo bristle behind her but she remains steady on her feet. “Listen her girl,” he says with a hiss. “It would be for your best interest to learn to pay me the proper respect I deserve unless you want to be cleaning the refreshes for the rest of your life but go ahead, say that again and you’ll see how fast that flat ass of yours will find itself down on it.”

“What did you _say_ to me?” growls Rey.

“You heard me,” scoffs Mardos. “How about this, you do what you were about to do with the new guy there with me and I’ll walk away and forget about this whole matter. I can be a nice guy Osira, a real nice guy. I told you on your first day here, remember?”

“I remember,” she says still with a deep frown. “I remember your fat fingers almost breaking after you tried to touch me. Should I finish the job now?” 

A sharp laugh comes from him and he shakes his head no at her. “You have such a mouth on you,” he chuckles darkly. “I also read about what happened earlier, how the two of you wrecked a whole area and now on top of everything, has to be completed gutted and rebuilt. I’m sure you’ll make it far with a record like that. I know Del-Mara likes your sweet little ass but I can smell it on you, what you really are. I see all sorts of people pass through here. You, you’re nothing but some backwater trash that will never get all that grime out from under her nails. How you like crawling about back here like some filthy sca-.”

Before Mardos can finish saying the word, Rey’s arm is out like a shot. She hits him hard in the face, causing blood to come spraying out of his nose instantly. He stumbles back a step, reaching up pinch his nose but she’s there first, grabbing Mardos by his collar and laying another sharp hit to right above his eye.

“You _shut_ your mouth,” she shouts, half enraged and half beyond upset that he almost called her a scavenger in front of Kylo.

Shoving her off, Mardos gives her a hot glare, wild with surprise that Rey struck him. “You kriffing animal, I knew it,” he says with a bloody sneer. “You’re face maybe be pretty but you are hardly special you dirty grease scraper. I bet if anyone actually got between those legs of yours, they’ll find oil down there too. Maybe the new guy likes that, he looks like he might enjoy that sort of flavor.”

Pulling her arm back to strike at Mardos again, Rey is stopped by a hand that grabs her in an iron grip. She tries to launch it forward but Kylo holds her firmly in place.

“Move,” he says with no room to be argued with.

“I have this,” hisses Rey over her shoulder.

When their eyes meet, she sees Kylo has such a terrible violence in his eyes that it even causes her to shake from it.

“Don’t,” she pleads with him. “I have this, it’s fine.”

Mardos stupidly lets out a laugh and Rey looks at him, pitying the man instantly that he doesn’t know what he’s brought upon himself. 

“Oh this is _great_ , come on, let him have a shot too,” he says mockingly at Rey. “He’s new, he doesn’t know any better. Doesn’t know what a comb is apparently too. Come on big guy, what are you going to do? Hit me like your girlfriend?”

Letting Mardos go, Rey takes a step back and makes room for Kylo who quickly slips into stand where she was. “Do whatever you want, he’s yours,” she whispers.

“Turn around,” says Kylo. “And cover your ears.”

The man laughs even harder and tries to wipe the still leaking blood from his nose. “What, you going to break my arm too?” chuckles Mardos. “I heard about what you did in the mess hall. That you got a hard on for that Kylo Ren guy. I bet you touch yourself at night thinking about him.”

“No,” says Rey softly. “I want to see this.”

“Suit yourself,” mutters Kylo darkly.

Reaching a hand out towards Mardos’s head, Kylo focuses on him with a pointed glare. The laughter suddenly dies and Rey watches as horror takes its place, Mardos feeling something is wrong as Kylo slips into his mind.

“What are you doing?” he asks, his voice full of fear.

“What I do best,” says Kylo with a smile. 

Despite knowing what it feels like to have her mind invaded by Kylo, it’s clear now to Rey that he had been gentle with her previously. Mardos starts screaming in a very real and painful way that only grows louder the more Kylo’s hand starts to shake. Feeling the light of the Force slip away as the darkness come rushing in, Rey feels how it surrounds Kylo in a black bubble of energy. 

Falling to his knee’s, Mardos holds his own head as his voice cracks. Kylo curls over him further, pushing deeper and harder, cutting and burning his mind with razors and wild fire. Tears stream down the man’s cheeks and mix with the blood already there. Rey feels indifferent about it but it doesn’t last for long, even her taste for pain comes to an end.

“That’s enough,” she says softly.

“It’s enough when I say it is,” growls Kylo, his jaw tight from concentrating so intensely.

Moving closer, Rey puts a hand on his shoulder and says, “It’s time to stop now.”

Mardos screams louder at Kylo’s feet before his eyes roll back and he slips into unconsciousness. Watching him fall to the floor, Rey then notices Kylo’s hand is still outreaching and shaking with power that he’s trying to reel back. Putting her hand on his bicep, she pushes his arm down slowly and holds it until he’s finally relaxed.

“I’m not done with him,” Kylo angrily growls.

“Yes you are,” counters Rey quietly. “It’s time to calm down now.”

Moving her hands to his shoulder, she tries to get Kylo to turn back towards her. He moves slowly, body tense with need to do more violence towards Mardos but her touch is soft and it works well with dispelling his rage. After getting him to move just a few steps forward with her few steps back, Rey then reaches up and touches his jaw gently. Looking down at her, he holds her gaze but doesn’t appear outwardly to be affected but Rey can feel that he is. She can feel the light slowly slip back in around him, coming into balance with the dark once again.

“He deserves much worse for saying those things to you,” he says with a deep frown. “But he’s not going to remember today and I will be giving him a taste of what he threaten at you." 

Stroking his jaw slowly, Rey doesn’t dare look away from him as she speaks. “Don’t think just because I let you do that means you’ll ever get to again. I agree he had that coming but no more now.” 

Putting his hands on Rey’s waist, Kylo presses his forehead to hers and she can feel most of his tension leave him by just touching her. “Just this one last thing, he’s not the only one who can fill out paperwork and I think my clearance beats his by a lightyear.”

“You’re not going to hurt him any further?” asks Rey as she searches his gaze for any lasting anger.

“No, but I will send him to a hole,” says Kylo. “One he can’t ever run into you again from.”

A traitorous smile spreads on her lips before she has a chance to stop it and it has an instant effect on Kylo’s mood. Bending down, he brushes his nose against hers and they gaze at one another silently for a few moments.

“About what he said,” whispers Rey but Kylo shakes his head before she can go on any further. 

“I don’t care,” he says softly and leans in to kiss her firmly on the lips.

Taking her breath partly away, Rey is left wondering if something has happened to the gravity by how light she feels after he parts from her. It takes her a moment to get her bearings again and Kylo watches her closely with a smug glint in his eyes. 

“That’s not how you flirt either,” she mutters before leaning back in for another kiss that feels so very far away from the slow shy kisses they have shared so far.

“Why do I have to flirt?” says Kylo into her mouth and then places a set of kisses to her jaw.

Turning her head to allow him to follow his way down to her neck, Rey shuts her eyes and feels dizzy from his mouth practically assaulting her. “Isn’t that what people do, when they like one another?” she asks breathless whisper.

Lifting his head up, Kylo brushes his nose against her ear and his breathe rolls over her skin in a hot wave. “I thought they did something like this?” he says before sucking on edge of her ear.

A moan comes from Rey, shocking her and Kylo at the sound of it. It’s enough of a distraction for her to come back to her senses and put her hands on his chest, forcing him to stop. Kylo seems to do so reluctantly but places one final kiss to her cheek before pulling away.

“Let me take care of him and we’ll get back to work,” he says in a low tone.

“Just do it and send him on his way,” she instructs. “I’ve had enough excitement for today a long time ago.”

Reaching down, he grabs her wrist and Rey almost jumps back away from him but he only turns it to look at the clock. “Only eight hours and twenty three minutes left,” he says.

Holding her breath, she knows if he were to just slip his thumb under and pull all would be exposed about her. There must be some fear in her eyes that Kylo can see because he looks again down at her wrist then back to up to Rey. Lifting her hand up to his lips, he kisses her skin just above the bracelet.

“I gave you my word I’d wait, I wouldn’t do that Osira,” he says with conviction.

“I know,” she whispers back. “I can’t help it.”

Looking at Mardos reminds Rey it’s the only thing stopping Kylo from going into her mind as easily as he just did. Of course with her training it wouldn’t be that easy but she knows how good he is and he has years of practice on her. Not wanting her fear to hang between them, Rey licks her lips and looks back to him.

“You’ve been living differently for a long time, I know you are use to just taking what you want but I like how things are now between us,” she says honestly. “If you want to know my thoughts, I rather we talk, like we have been doing. Even if I took this off and you could see everything about me, that way feels… cheap.”

“Cheap?” repeats Kylo, sounding a touch offended.

Shaking her head Rey sighs, “Maybe cheap isn’t the right word. I like talking to you and I wouldn’t want to stop that just because you could suddenly know everything about me.” 

A corner of his mouth pulls up and Kylo touches her cheek softly with his long fingers. “Then don’t stop, I like talking with you too,” he says warmly.

“I still haven’t forgotten we’re suppose to talk after this,” she reminds him.

“I haven’t,” Kylo mutters. “But after we sleep, I’m standing upright but I’m ready to crash just as much as you.” 

“I know,” she whispers back. “Go do what you have to, I’m going to go check the map for where’s left to check.” 

His hands slip away from her hips and Rey turns to walk down the hall to where their bags are. Keeping her back to Kylo, she doesn’t want to see what he’s going to do and keeps her eyes firmly fixed upon her datapad. There’s no more screaming but she can faintly hear Kylo whisper to Mardos and the man in a daze repeats it back to him. The sound of it makes her think he’s casting a spell and in a way he is. Rey’s fingers pause moving the map about and she listens to the whispers, indistinct but powerful nonetheless. The end abruptly and there is a sudden shuffling of feet that draws her gaze.

Looking back, she sees Kylo moving towards her and Mardos leaving the way he came. “You won't be seeing him again,” he says firmly as Rey lowers the datapad in her hands.

“Oh?” she asks.

He doesn’t even give a glance back as Mardos vanished from sight but he does let out a tired sigh and says, “You’re making me soft.”

Rey can tell it’s suppose to be a joke but she doesn’t laugh and neither does he. “Is that a bad thing?” she asks, curious as to what he’ll say back.

“Yes,” he says unsurprisingly so. “Just because you took off my mask, that doesn’t mean I’ll never wear it again.”

Putting the datapad away, she stands back up but can’t meet his eyes and tries to cover it by looking for the pocket she put her flashlight in. “I know that,” mutters Rey.

His arm slips suddenly around her waist and Rey finds herself being pulled back against him. His touch is tender and careful, something she never thought he was capable of but he easily proves her wrong of that fact. Especially so when he leans his chin on to her shoulder and like before, has his hot breathe on her ear again.

“Don’t sound so disappointed,” he whispers warmly. “I’m all yours until then.” 

A soft kiss touches the shell of her ear and Rey stands helpless to move away from him again. It took everything she had the first time to do so and if they are to separate again, he’ll have to be the one to do it.

“You make it sound like we’re dating,” she whispers teasingly. 

“Can we?” Kylo says a little too happily and far too quickly that it leaves Rey shivering in his arms.

“I don’t know,” she breathes out.

Kissing her again, this time just behind her ear, Rey can feel him smile against her skin. “Why not?” he whispers. “If we can pretend to be other people, why can’t we do this too? It’s practically normal.”

A hearty laugh comes from Rey and she leans her head back as far as it can go to look up at him. “Nothing about us is normal,” she states.

“Do you think I care about that?” asks Kylo who then kisses her cheek. “Or are you too frightened to have me as your boyfriend?”

Giving him a quick glare, it dies just as fast as Rey confesses, “I’ve never dated anyone before. I’ve never done any of this with anyone before.”

“Neither have I,” he says and they stare at one another for a long silent moment.

“If we know this is going to end, why bother?” whispers Rey.

Not looking away, he explores her eyes leisurely then reaches up with one hand to pluck her glasses from her face. Gently holding them in his hands, Kylo then studies her face with a stare that seems both lonely and tender to Rey. 

“Maybe I want some good memories before it does,” he says honestly. 

Copying him, Rey pulls Kylo’s glasses off and as soon as they clear his face, their lips meet again. Kissing openly, she stretches her head back against his shoulder and he curls further around her, his tongue tasting her deeply. They kiss until they both have to breathe but Kylo’s mouth rushes back into pepper even more kisses along her jaw.

“What’s your answer?” he mutters at her chin.

“I think it’s a horrible idea but,” she says with a sigh. 

Reaching up to lift his jaw, their mouths can meet again and Rey whispers in between desperate gasps, “Yes, I’ll be your girlfriend.”

A shiver runs through Kylo and it leaves her smiling before their mouths crash back together. Later he’ll be sure to make her regret her decision but it’s hard to picture it when Kylo feels anything but wrong at the moment. The arm around Rey’s waist tightens and she bends back just a little more into him as their kiss turns burning hot.

Kylo ends up being the one who pulls back to speak and Rey catches the need in his gaze and feels a very similar one in her own chest for him. “I’m happy I met you,” he whispers secretly.

“Don’t forget this then,” she says against his lips. “Even after this is over, don’t forget this feeling. Hide it wherever you have to, but keep this, please. For me.”

“I don’t even know what this is,” breathes out Kylo before kisses her quickly once again. 

“Yes you do,” sighs Rey. “You just don’t want to say it and I don’t want to either, so let’s not. We don’t need to.”

“Stop making this so easy,” he grumbles without any heat.

Taking his bottom lip between her teeth, Rey gentle bites on it and feels another shiver run through Kylo’s entire body. Letting go with a wet pop, she looks up at his surprised eyes. “You first,” she whispers. 

Reaching his limit, he gives her a final squeeze with his arm and pulls away, careful to make sure Rey can stand on her own first. “You’re going to kill me,” he says so quietly she isn’t even sure she should have heard it.

Moving back to his side of the hall, his cheeks look just as flushed as hers feel and Rey can’t stop the flash of a smile she gives Kylo. He returns it the best he can which is with his eyes, that alone is more than enough for her. What Rey finds the most surprising about everything that just happened is how full of an infectious sort of energy she is now. It bubbles up under her skin, leaving her feeling ready to tackle the last eight hours easily.

Looking down at her hands, Rey turns over Kylo’s glasses that she’s still holding and begins to laugh warmly. “Oh, you must’n forget these,” she chuckles, holding them up for him to see.

He holds up her own pair and even if Rey wanted to stop smiling, she wouldn’t be able to now. Meeting in the middle once more, she lifts up on her toes and slips his back into place and he quickly returns the favor back. He even takes a moment to card his fingers through her bangs, fixing them from the slight mess they must have been in.

“Thank you,” whispers Rey.

Lightly brushing a finger over the tip of her nose, she sees Kylo smile for just a second before he turning back away. Smartly he keeps his back to her while he takes out his light and Rey copies his movements, turning towards her wall and fishing her own out flashlight. Clicking it on, she points it up to where she left off and they walk once more slowly forward together.

The first ten hours had past in relative silence between them, talking only when needed, which was usual how they worked anyways. It only took Rey a good ten feet before she cracked and took a glance over to Kylo’s hunched shoulders.

“So what are you going to do with him, paperwork wise?” she asks. 

Being far smarter than her, Kylo keeps his eyes firmly fixed away to avoid any renewed temptation. “I haven’t decided but there are a few mines I know of I could get him sent to,” he says sounding amused that she asked. “Right now, he’s cleaning the refresher with his tongue.”

“Oh that’s disgusting,” hisses Rey but quickly finds herself fighting back a soft chuckle. “For how long?”

“Don’t know,” he says with a shrug. “I’m sure someone might take pity upon him and stop him after a while.”

“How long does that sort of thing last?” she asks.

Stopping his work, he glances back to Rey and waves her over. She pulls out her datapad and he points then lights up a damaged section of pipe. “It depends,” says Kylo softly. “But I put that idea into his mind rather harshly, not that he’ll remember me doing it.” 

Filling out the report first, Rey nods as she types then pulls back away when she’s done. “Can you make him do anything?” she asks over her shoulder. “Make anyone for that matter do what you want?” 

“You are asking a lot of questions,” comments Kylo. “Why?”

“Just making conversation,” Rey says lightly while checking her own wall. “I can stop if you want me to.” 

Kylo lets a pause hang in the air before moving on with his own work. “I didn’t say you had to,” he says. “And not everything, but I am very good at convincing other people's mind’s what I want is a very good idea. It still doesn’t work on everyone which is why I’m careful with not using it all the time.”

“You use it a lot,” chuckles Rey.

“A lot less than I usually do,” he corrects.

“Have you done it to Hux?” she asks. 

“No,” mutters Kylo. “I know it wouldn’t work on him, he’s too headstrong even for me.”

“Wow,” she breathes out. “He sounds like he’s more intense in person.” 

“I’m sure you’ll see him in all his glory at one point or another,” grumbles Kylo. “I highly doubt he’ll pass on inspecting the new base soon.”

Pausing for a moment, Rey isn’t even sure she knows what the man looks like. She imagines someone dressed in black with shifty looking eyes and a large mouth to yell with. “What is he doing now?” Rey asks as they reach the end of the hall.

 “I couldn’t tell you,” he says with a shrug. “He’s never idle in his plotting, that you can be sure of.”

Before they start down a new hall, she first marks the one they just finished as complete then taps the next one over and assigns their names to it as currently working. There is still plenty of hallways for them to check on the level they are on now and they move on at the same relaxed pace they have been keeping so far.

“Did it really bothered you what Mardos said before,” asks Kylo. “The backwater remark, that’s not part of your cover, is it?”

Looking down at her own feet, Rey stops walking and wonders if she answers him now it’ll give too much away. His tone alone says enough, that he already knows he’s right.

“Yes it did and no, me being from a backwater planet is true,” says Rey softly. “He was right about me, you know, that I’ll never get the grease out from under my nails.”

“Don’t say that like it’s a bad thing,” he says firmly. “You work hard, be proud of that.”

Shaking her head, she’s partly flattered but Rey will never feel any real pride at the life she’s lived so far. “You’re only saying that because you are trying to be nice,” she mutters flatly.

“No I’m not,” he insists. “I’m saying it because it’s true. I’ve seen you push on when anyone else on this base would have given up and I still don’t understand how you even tolerate being around me as long as you already have. I’m not blind to my own difficulties.”

A blush rises to her cheeks again and Rey looks away, feeling embarrassed by his over acceptance of her. “You’re not actually that terrible to be around,” she says.

“Who’s trying to flatter who now,” chuckles Kylo and they fall into a comfortable silence once again.

 

* * *

 

The hours drag on, one after another and even the sparse conversations they try to engage again in offers no help to move it along any faster. Hunger makes far worse, ever growing hard to ignore with each painful clench of their long since empty stomachs. Sleep is all Rey wants but she knows they’ll have to eat before that can happen. In the last hour, its Kylo who finally wavers, not even his steel will power is able to keep him steadily on his feet any longer.

Sitting down on the floor, he bows his head between his legs and asks for just a five minute reprieve. They both take one, sitting shoulder to shoulder and both half awake. It’s then Rey hears a ping from her datapad and she’s slow on pulling it out. Staring with blurry eyes, she has to reread the message from Del-Mara a few times before it sinks in what is says. 

“Come on,” she speaks up and nudges his shoulder gently with her hand. “We’re done here.”

Lifting his head up, Kylo blinks slowly with heavy eyes. “I thought we still had another hour?” he mutters.

Standing up, Rey groans and feels just exactly how sore she is. “We did but we just got it off. Come on, food then bed.”

Getting to his feet, Kylo keeps a hand to the wall until he’s sure he’s stable enough to stand again. Rey slips in close to his side and slips an arm around his waist. Looking up at him, she smiles through her own tired daze.

“I can walk fine on my own,” he tries to protest weakly.

“I know,” she whispers back and then leans her body further into his, nudging him to start walking with her. “Maybe I’m not,” lies Rey.

Unsure what to make of she’s decided to do, Kylo gives in and embraces the idea of it. He puts of his own arms around her shoulders and holds Rey close. 

“It’s just for a little bit,” she says. “At least until the lift.”

A light and tired smirk tugs on Kylo’s lips and he leans down to speak to her. “I don’t care,” he huffs. “Stay this way as long as you want.” 

“Don’t say that,” sighs Rey, “Otherwise I might never let go.”

“That would be interesting to try and explain, sorry Del-Mara, I have a woman who’s attached herself to me, I can’t work today,” dryly jokes Kylo.

Laughing back at him softly, Rey relaxes and slowly feels all of her stress start to just melt away. “I don’t think that will work very well with her, she would just make you carry me on your back and stick you with even more work for trying to get out of what was already assigned to you.”

“Then I should make sure I can detach from you then to be safe,” he mutters and then brings them to a halt in the hall. 

Rey watches as Kylo mockingly acts as if he’s trying to really pull her off, after a few seconds of faked grunting, he gives up and moves his arm back around her. “Nope,” he huffs. “I guess we’re stuck together and I’ll just have to carry you on my back then.”

“I guess so,” laughs Rey again but then she lets out a shriek as he moves faster than she was expecting and grabs at her. 

Within seconds, she’s pulled and lifted on to Kylo’s back and her hands scramble to hold on as he stands back up with her. “What are you doing?!” she shouts.

“Carrying you on my back,” he chuckles and walks on as if nothing has happened.

“Put me down!” hisses Rey but Kylo just shakes his head no at her.

“If anyone asks, just say you hurt your foot or something,” he speaks up over his shoulder at her.

“You are _terrible_!” she groans. 

Holding her up firmly by her thighs, she doesn’t miss the way his fingers lightly stroke her through her uniform. “I’m just following your ideas,” says Kylo with a slight shrug of his shoulders.

Leaning her body over his back, Rey sets her chin on his shoulder and looks up at the edge of his wig. There’s a tuft of black hair sticking out and she carefully slips it back up and under the elastic. After checking to see if there is any others that need to be put back, she finds none and instead runs her hand instead over the back of his neck. Kylo tenses up quickly but the longer she moves her hand slowly back and forth, the more relaxed he becomes under her touch. 

When they reach the lift, Rey places a quick kiss to the side of Kylo’s neck before slipping down off his back. He lets her go with a knowing stare and they enter together into the lift. It rises in quickly through the levels and Rey isn’t the least bit surprised that it doesn’t stop once since the hour now is very late. The hallways to the mess hall are mostly empty and they only pass just a few others stuck working over night before they enter through the doorway. Inside the mess there are a few others, mostly half dozing at the tables and nursing what must be cold cups of caf by now.

There’s a man still serving food and Rey looks at them with ravenous eyes when she walks up to them holding an empty tray. Pointing at her tray, she says with a very serious tone, “Load it with everything you can, double the portions.”

“I can’t do that,” the mess hall worker says then catches sight of Kylo darkly staring at him and almost jumps back in fright.

“We just worked a triple so you will, load it up food man,” she hisses.

“I think we worked more than that,” speaks up Kylo.

“Oh,” says the mess hall worker. He looks nervously about then starts quickly loading up both of their trays with as much as they can carry. “Just don’t tell my boss, ok?” he whispers before sending them on their way. 

Sitting down at their normal table, which is empty, Rey wastes no time shoving as much food as she can into her mouth. Kylo for once eats almost as quickly as she does but Rey doesn’t pay him any attention until her tray is almost cleared. Using her bread as usual, she moves it about to soak whatever is left up but everything hits her a once.

Slowly her eyes start to shut and Rey’s head dips down. Kylo’s hand touches her shoulder, waking her from the sleep she’s just slipped into with a start. “Come on,” he says. “You’re almost there.”

Hurrying to shove the wet bread into her mouth, Rey chews it as quickly as she can then is shocked to see Kylo has cleaned his own tray already in record time. His own head sways for a moment but he wakes and reaches for her empty tray.

“Be ready to go,” he says while getting up to return them. 

Leaving the table, Rey shuffles over to the water cooler and drinks at least four cups of water rapidly before finally feeling full. When Kylo walks over, she’s quick to put an empty cup into his hand and pours herself a final fifth cup.

“Drink,” she orders.

He does and finishes off a few cups quickly before they leave together to head back to their room. If anyone tries to get in their way, Rey idly starts to think about what she’ll do to them herself before letting Kylo have his way with them. No one stops them much to her own relief and when she opens the door with a little more force than needed, she’s never seen a better sight than the empty bed waiting for her.

Turning on the light, Rey pulls her vest violently off and lets it fall to the floor in a heap. Walking the few steps forward to her bed, she snarls as she fights with her boots but they too come off and are left to lie where they fall. Having no energy left to try and change, she just works off her uniform and throws it at the wall for good measure. Kylo watches her from his side of the room and she catches the worried way he’s looking at her. Down to her underwear and bra, she glares at him while taking off her glasses.

“If anyone wakes me, just kill them,” she growls.

Kylo nods then moves to finish pulling off his own vest. While he starts to undress, Rey crawls into her bed and sets her glasses down on to the nightstand and slips under the blankets.

“I mean it,” she adds from over the top of the comforter. “Their head, on a pike.”

Opening his locker, Kylo hangs up his vest then his uniform. “Just go to sleep Osira,” he says.

“I am,” she grumbles before rolling back and forth trying to get comfortable. “And shut off the light when you’re done.”

“I will,” snaps Kylo who then slams his locker shut then yanks off his wig off.

Rey stares at him as he crosses the room in just a pair of black briefs and shuts the light off. She hears him put his own glasses on the nightstand and the rustling of what must be his wig. He’s close enough that even without any light, she can easily reach out and touch him, which she does. 

“Wait,” says Rey. 

“What now?” he growls.

Reaching out blindly, she finds one of his hands and pulls him closer by it. He stands next to her bed and she tries to see some shape of him but only a pure darkness fills her vision.

“Good night,” she whispers softly and clenches his hand tightly.

The frustrated tension in Kylo’s body relaxes and Rey feels him lean down over her. Brushing a hand across her brow, he moves her bangs back so he can kiss her forehead lightly.

“Good night,” Kylo breathes across her skin.

His touch leaves and Rey feels she can finally let herself drift off to sleep. It comes quickly and much like her nap, it remains dreamless and ends far too soon. The morning alarm rings loudly hours later and Hux’s voice is there suddenly booming into her ears shortly after. Rey stares wildly at the ceiling in frozen shock at what is currently happening and also from just how angry she is.

“Today,” prattles on Hux, “is another day we prove to not only ourselves but to the galaxy the might of the First Order.”

As upset as she is, when Kylo throws back his own blankets she knows immediately it pales in comparison to his. Half surprised he doesn’t just catch on fire from how enraged he stares at light fixture. Kylo snarls with pure venom, “ ** _SHUT UP_**!”

Pointing a hand up, something loud pops and Hux’s voice stops as well as the room falls back into darkness. “Why didn’t you do that before?” she asks and then shrinks down more into her blankets as she feels his burning stare is pointed her way.

“I don’t know,” he growls before Rey hears his head fall back on to his pillow with a frustrated groan. “But I’m sure someone will come and try and _kriffing_ fix it!”

“If they do, I’ll handle it then,” she mutters and runs her hands over her tired eyes. “Payment for your good work.”

“Thanks,” Kylo mutters bitterly.

When they both start to drift back off, Rey is woken by a knock at the door she knew Kylo was right about. Getting up, she feels him wake too and his anger is truly now trying to set him alight. Walking to the door, she opens an winces at the bright hallway light.

“You said I could kill them,” growls Kylo from his bed. “You _said_!”

A repairman stands before her and looks shocked by her appearance and then by Kylo’s booming voice coming out of the darkness. Putting a hand up before the man can say a word, she glares at him from under her bangs.

“I know,” she whispers. “And if you want to keep your liver on the inside of you, you’ll leave now.” 

“But I,” he tries to protest but Rey holds her hand up higher.

“What did I just say?” she asks with her voice promising pain.

The man never gets to answer before Kylo’s voice speaks up again, dark and full of power. “You are going to leave and never come back,” he commands.

“I’m going to leave, and never come back,” the man repeats then slowly turns to walk away.

Shutting the door, Rey glares in his direction. “I said I was going to handle it.”

“I did a better job, so go back to bed,” he snaps then makes quite a bit of noise moving around in his own bed. 

There’s something about him using the same tone of voice at her that makes Rey want to do anything but listen to him. Walking to the foot of her own bed, she stands before it then gets a better idea. She knows Kylo is listening to her move about because when she stands next to his bed, she feels him stare up at her.

“What are you doing?” he asks.

“Move over,” demands Rey. 

“No,” he hisses and she hears him pull his blankets around himself more.

“Move over,” she presses again.

“Why?” groans Kylo.

“Because I’m getting in,” she says firmly. 

“Get into your own bed,” he mutters, his voice sounding now pointed away from her.

Reaching down, Rey finds the edge of the blanket and pulls it back off of him. “What are you doing?” he growls and turns back around to try and grab it away from her.

Moving before he has a chance to, she lays down quickly in the space left and pulls his blankets firmly down around herself. “I told you,” she says wiggling her body. “I was getting in.”

“Osira, you have your own bed,” says Kylo, close enough to her that Rey can feel just how warm his body is. “I just want to sleep.”

“So do I, so go back to sleep and I’ll do the same,” she says while making no movement to leave. 

“Why are you doing this in my bed?” he asks and then shifts one of his arms to slip under his pillow towards her.

Turning her head back, Rey speaks over her shoulder, “Do you want me to leave?”

“No,” he mutters. “I guess since you are already here you can stay.”

Slowly an arm curls around Rey’s waist and she settles down into to a corner of his pillow. The rest of Kylo’s body carefully curls around hers and they both make a few adjustments first before getting completely settled in together comfortably. Knowing it’s sure to be an idea she’ll regret when she wakes, for now Rey just enjoys the heat and comfort that comes with being so close to him. Listening and feeling Kylo breathe behind her, it soothes any of her worries and sets her off into a peaceful sleep once again. Her dreams stay away and if he has any of his own, she can’t tell.

 

* * *

 

When Rey wakes she’s on her back with her body informing her she’s slept for a good amount of time, but she checks her bracelet still just to be sure of so. It’s early in the evening and they don’t have to work again until the following afternoon so she relaxes once again, safe in knowing she’s had her fill of rest badly needed. The dim light shuts off at her wrist and Kylo’s arm that’s across her stomach tightens and then pulls her closer to him. Softly lips touch her shoulder, letting Rey knows he’s awake too. There is no lingering exhaustion left in her but waking in the dark next to Kylo feels very much like a dream.

She could say good morning or even make a joke to break the spell but the sound she’s felt before in Kylo is back. It's sweet and haunting tone ensnares her completely, leaving her with the knowledge it’s better if she doesn’t say a word now. The regret she should feel doesn’t come but Kylo’s mouth does, pressing lightly to her skin and heating it slowly from touch alone.

With trembling lips, she licks at them nervously and lets out a shaking breath. Slowly Kylo moves next to her and Rey loses any control she has to stop herself from turning towards him. His arm draped across her pulls back, just far enough so that he can spread his hand open wide over her hip. His palm is hot on her skin but she reacts in the opposite manner and shivers from its touch. Long fingers chase her goose bumps, creeping slowly up her side as Rey fumbles back at him in the dark. 

Touching his arm and chest, she feels how steady is pulse is and then feels his breath ghost over her face. Lifting her head up, Kylo leads with his nose to reach out for her and then brushes it along her jaw. His lips follow, touching her neck lightly with the first of what she suspects to be many more kisses to come. A breathy sigh leaves Rey as she feels him set a brand new fire under her skin with such ease. Gladly burning with it, her grip on him tightens, pulling Kylo closer until they both fall on to their sides to face one another. 

Reaching down between them, she then covers his hand at her hip with hers and pulls it up to kiss at his fingers. He holds his breath for a moment then lets it out with a quiver when Rey switches to bluntly nipping at his skin with her teeth. Breaking free of her grip easily, Kylo reaches out for her face and pulls her in close for a kiss that’s more teeth than lips. In between trying to breathe and Kylo biting at her lips, their legs become entangled and Rey finds herself pressed even more closely together with him. The air between them turns hot and she feels how she starts to sweat lightly from it. 

Moving her hand down, Rey then feels the hard lines and curves of Kylo’s body. Feels the way his stomach clenches when she touches it but her hand goes too far down and Kylo is quick to grab at her wrist. They share bloated pause and a few nervous breaths before Kylo then moves her hand back up away from his waistband. Putting it instead to his face, he moves it over his cheek rough with fresh stubble before kissing her fingers like she did to him.

Their lips meet once again shortly after and Rey feels so full from it she thinks she might burst somehow. Slipping her arms around Kylo’s neck, they kiss over and over again until her lips are swollen and sore. Even as she aches, it still doesn’t feel like enough and Kylo moves as if he feels the same as her. Rolling her head back, Rey lets him tongue at her skin, enthralling her with the feeling of him. Following her jaw to its end, he breathes on her ear then sucks on it until her toes curl and she’s shaking within his arms.

Rey’s arms around his neck tighten and her hands slip into his hair, gripping at it gently. He growls lightly back but it sounds dark and pleased that she’s done so. Working his mouth further along down, Kylo puts his mouth to her neck and drags his teeth like a warning down one line of long muscle there. Rey can’t be sure what he’s trying to warn her about but when he does it again, she gets the idea finally when Kylo latches on to her and sucks.

Making her first sound, Rey groans and clutches tightly onto Kylo as pain and pleasure mix together in a way she’s never felt. He does so again lower this time, at the point where her neck ends and the rest of her body begins. The sharp little pain acts a reminder to Rey that this is really happening to her. As Kylo moves slowly down even further, Rey holds the back of his head as he licks at her collarbone and tastes at the dip in between both. She gets so caught up in the feeling that she misses when he reaches her chest and just stops. Kylo’s hot breath washes over her bra and she feels him slowly graze the back of his hand across the side of one of her breasts.

“Can I?” he breathes out and Rey has to take a moment to process he’s spoken at all to her.

“Yes,” she sighs and can’t be sure anymore where the line will end where they will stop.

When Kylo reaches out for Rey again, she moves suddenly, grabbing his hand and stopping him. “Wait,” she says. “Take it off first.” 

Lying motionless for a moment, she feels Kylo thinking but he then gingerly starts to move. Pulling his other arm free, he runs his fingers along Rey’s sides and then fingers at the edge of the underside of her bra. It’s just a plain piece of clothing given to all female workers and he has to pull it up and over her head to take it off. Where he sets it aside Rey can’t be sure of but her skin cools right away now exposed to the air. She’s thankful for the darkness they are in but its quickly forgotten when his hands glide and curve around and over her chest.

He touches her like she’s fragile, exploring the feeling of her skin and lightly passing over her nipples. Fighting to just keep breathing, Rey doesn’t feel Kylo linger in any one spot but he does give her an experimental squeeze. A shiver runs through Rey and when Kylo leans in and kisses the top of one then the other, she does so again.

“You’re so beautiful,” he mutters into her skin.

A sharp jolt of shock runs through her and she lets out another shaking breath. “But you can’t see me,” she whispers.

“I don’t have to to know that you are,” says Kylo before he kisses the very center of one of her breasts.

Whimpering lightly, she runs her nails over his scalp and feels him shiver back with her. His mouth opens and he starts lightly sucking on her skin. He tastes her sweat and toys with her nipples until she’s left gasping openly. Paying equal attention to both, a sharp tightness takes shape in Rey’s gut, making her clutch on to him desperately. 

“Oh that’s enough,” she pleads. “I can’t, I can’t take anymore.”

“Has anyone ever done that to you before?” he speaks around one of her nipples.

Letting out another whimper, she tries to push his mouth away. “No,” she gasps. “Never.” 

Letting go, Kylo lifts his head back up and swallows the rest of her protests with his mouth. His hands still touch her, gliding over her breasts one final time before settling back down to hold her sides.

“Did that feel good?” he questions her and Rey nods an enthusiastic yes that he chuckles at. 

Smiling against her mouth, they kiss again and again until even that is too much for Rey. Falling onto her back, Kylo curls up along side of her and he goes back to lightly tracing her hip with his fingers.

“Sorry,” she mutters, not sure what for but she feels hot and flushed. 

“Don’t be,” whispers Kylo before placing a soft kiss to her shoulder. “I’ve never done that before either.”

Turning her head, Rey looks in the direction of his voice. “Oh,” she says softly. “So you’ve never?”

“No,” says Kylo with a shake of his head. “I’ve seen holovids before but I’ve never been this closer with another before.”

“This is all new to you too?” she whispers. 

“Yes,” he says into her skin then leans up to peck at her lips. “Do you ever want to do that again? Have me touch you like that?”

Reaching out for his face, Rey slides her hands along his jaw and kisses him back as her answer. “Yes I do, just not right now. I just feel a little… overwhelmed. Can we just lay here for a while?”

“Of course,” he mutters. “Come here.”

Moving back to make room, he helps Rey move to him and rest her head on his shoulder. His arm wraps around her, pulling her in close so they can snuggle together. Reaching for the blanket, he tucks in around them and Rey lets out a happy sigh.

“Did you really mean that?” she speaks up.

“Mean what?” asks Kylo.

“That you think I’m,” says Rey but she can’t bring herself to say the last word.

Placing a soft kiss to her temple, he turns his head and rests it on top of hers. “I did,” he says softly. “It’s hard not to at this point.”

She smiles warmly and reaches down to one of his hands to lace their fingers together. “You too,” she says.

“Me too?” he repeats then laughs low near her ear.

“I mean handsome,” she sputters. “I think you’re handsome.”

“You’re just trying to get on my good side now,” mutters Kylo who then places another kiss to the crown of her head.

“I mean it,” huffs Rey.

“I’m sure you do,” he chuckles back. “And don’t think about getting up anytime soon, I’m not going to let it happen.”

Leaning into his arms more, she turns her head and places her own soft kiss to his collarbone. “I wasn’t,” says Rey a little proudly.

He lets out a small little hum to let her know he liked what she just did. “That’s a big step for a workaholic like you.”

“I can be lazy too,” she says.

“Yeah?” breathes out Kylo. “Let’s just see about that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonus: [Amazing new fanart by frozenmusings!!!](http://frozenmusings.tumblr.com/post/142290600636/it-was-easy-for-rey-to-forget-she-hates-him-that)


	23. Can You Hear The Sound Of My Heart

“Did you have to break the light too?” asks Rey.

“Yes, I mean no,” mutters Kylo from under the blankets.

A warm hand touches her thigh and grazes a set of long fingers over it. Rey shivers and stares up into the endless darkness, she can feel Kylo still moving downwards slowly.

“What are you doing under there?” she asks after his fingers brush across her knee.

“Tell me more about you,” he says and places a soft kiss to the same knee.

Squirming slightly, Rey isn’t use to someone or rather anyone touching her legs. It’s not unpleasant, just strange and unusual. It leaves her wondering what he’s getting out of just lightly touching her. It’s not like before, where there was a whole set of emotions and wants behind his acts, now Kylo is just idly roaming sections of her skin.

Curling her toes Rey takes a slow breath in, tries to stay calm and still. “Only if you tell me more about you as well,” she responds back.

“Are you sure you really want to know that?” asks Kylo.

“Yes,” says Rey as she leans her head back further into the pillow under it.

Thinking about how to answer him first, his fingers move unrushed down her shin while she searches her memories. Knowing she has to be careful, it would be easier if Rey could speak freely but the time still doesn’t feel right to her to do so. Touching her wrist, the bracelet feels warm from her skin and helps center her mind from just knowing her thoughts are still safe. Kylo will only know them if she allows it and the one she starts with is small and vague. 

“One of my favorite sounds is the rain,” she says with a wistful sigh. “I haven’t heard it that many times but when I have been able to, it’s like music.”

Kylo’s touch stills and she feels him shift about, coming back up and out of the blankets. “What sort of rain have you heard before?” he asks as he settles himself down into the spot next to her.

Looking in the direction of him, she can feel he’s looking back at her too. “Just a few different kinds. A steady sort that drips and seems to tap every metal bit it can reach. Also a hard rain, once it fell so fast I thought it would have made a whole ocean overnight. And soft rain, that was the last one and the best. Where it almost doesn’t make a sound but the sky rumbled like some great beast. I must have watched it fall for hours before someone found me.”

“I’ve never paid much attention to the rain but,” says Kylo before letting a long pause hang between them. “I use to, watch it I mean.”

Rolling on to her side, Rey slips her hands out and finds his. Entangles their fingers together, she then kisses the tops of Kylo’s knuckles slowly. “Tell me, what kind did you see.”

Feeling him turn stiff in her hands, Rey listens to Kylo wet and lick his own lips. It’s easy to tell he’s nervous about speaking but she feels an old pain in him too, one that sure has to come with thinking about old memories. 

“There was really only one kind, one I actually remember but I’m sure there were others,” he starts to say slowly. “It always seem to rain at night, right after the sun went down and things turned quiet for a while. I would sit by the window and watch it, it would fall and you would think all that water would be good at washing away something but it never did. Just shifted it around so the next day it would stuff up some gutter. I did like the quiet, that as soon as it started everything would hush.”

“What was it like normally?” asks Rey. “The weather I mean.”

“I suppose so, but I also wasn’t in the same place often. You could say I was shifted around until I was finally shipped off for good,” he mutters. “After that, I wasn’t really thinking about things like the rain or what the weather would be like outside.”

“Not until the snow here, right?” she chuckles.

“Right,” he huffs back with a smirk in his voice.

Squeezing his hands again, Rey wiggles her body in a little closer to his. “So what else do you want to know?” she asks. 

“You sound happy,” Kylo comments.

“I told you I can be lazy,” says Rey with a smile in her voice. “And talking is good.”

“It can be,” he says a bit aloof. “When did you first learn to fix things?”

“I started to learn from when I was very young,” Rey begins to explain. “Growing up on the type of planet I did, things don’t go to waste, you learn that very quickly. It’s worse when you're younger because you can fit into places adults can’t so they are constantly asking you, hey little girl, can you reach that? I learned just as quickly how much stronger they are compared to you when your hard work is pried too easily from out of your own hands. It was better when I got a little bigger, then I could watch others more, see how things worked and would fit together. I was good at watching but I also got good as figuring things out on my own too. Some nights I would just take things apart and put it back together to see if I could. Then when I did it right and well I would do it again with something else.”

“Where were your parents?” 

Opening her mouth to speak, she pauses for a moment and thinks about what it would mean to tell him. There are plenty of people in the galaxy without parents, her having that in common with herself wouldn’t be that strange. 

“I don’t know, I can’t remember them,” she answers as honestly as she can. “I’ve been on my own as long as I can remember.”

“How did you become apart of the Resistance then?” he asks, his voice steady but clearly curious.

“I just sort of fell into it,” she says in a half truth. “I meet some people who were apart of it and one thing led to another. Now they are my family.”

“That’s some family,” scoffs Kylo. “You may think they are doing the right thing but they are nothing but a misguided bunch of misfits. You would be better off without them.”

Letting his hands go, Rey frowns bitterly. “That’s bold of you to say, seeing as how the First Order is mostly made up of stolen children who have been raised as slaves.” 

Disappointment comes from him in a heavy wave but she feels it more over the lack of them no longer touching than where they stand politically. “I’ve never personally agreed with that,” he speaks up. “Clones would be much better than the army Hux leads now.”

“How is that any better? Just because they are born from a tube doesn’t make it ok to think you own a person,” says Rey growing more upset now.

“Something needs to be done and sometimes it’s unpleasant for the greater good,” he states.

“The greater good?” she repeats surprised. “How is any of what is going on for the greater good? All I have seen is how well it frightens and kills people who stand in the way of it. Can you honestly tell me with what you have done you feel good about it?”

“No,” he snaps. “But something has to be done. You think if the First Order just rolls over the galaxy will just settle down and be at peace? It would break apart further and further, there has to be a balance, a strong one that can keep order. There are too many people, too many variables to leave it to the kindness of people’s hearts.” 

“So you rather march over them, trample as many as it takes to reach this order you think is needed?” says Rey.

“If it will bring balance back then yes, I’ll do whatever it takes. It’s what I’m suppose to do, it’s what I’ve been trying to do,” he says with a frustrated sigh.

“Maybe you should try harder,” she sneers. “It looks like an awful mess to me.” 

“And what exactly are you doing about it?” he growls and grabs for her hands. 

Letting him have his way, Rey balls her hands into loosely clenched fists. She can feel the storm of emotions moving in and through him but she herself remains calm in the face of them.

“I’m here trying to stop one bad idea that didn’t work the first time and it isn’t going to work the second time either,” she says firmly. “Maybe you should try doing something different as well, the wig has gotten you this far but you really should leave this place. Leave this whole mess and start again.”

Wrapping his fingers around her fists, Kylo slowly gets Rey to open her fingers before he leans his head down to kiss at her fingertips. “That’s far easier said than done.”

“But I’m right,” she whispers. “You know I am. If you really want to bring about balance, there has to be a better way.”

“The Resistance isn’t the way either,” he mutters into her skin.

“I wasn’t talking about them,” she sighs. “I’m talking about something new. I don’t need the Force or some General to tell me you could be so much more if you just tried. All of this, it’s just holding you back, can’t you see that?” 

A dark chuckle comes from Kylo and Rey feels him switch to nipping at her knuckles with his teeth. “What do you know? You just hide away in the guts of things, I doubt you’ve ever really seen how it really is out there. All the stars are not as pretty as you think.”

The dream she had of him previously, the one with the false stars flashes through Rey’s mind. “What do you mean by that?” she asks quickly.

“What I mean is I’ve seen how full of lies this galaxy is, it’s poisoned. The Jedi, the Resistance, you think they are good but their ignorant that their hope only leads to real suffering. You just swallow it more easily because it’s painted as a way to some freedom you want that will never come. You would understand it better if you could feel it like I do. Feel how wrong everything is,” he says against her hands. 

“And how do you know what you are feeling is correct?” asks Rey. “How do you know it’s not Snoke?”

“Because I’ve felt this way my whole life,” snaps Kylo. 

Wanting to soothe some of the rift between them, she pulls his hands up to her lips and copies his motion of kissing his fingers. “Just think about it, you obviously came here and came up with Matt for a reason, an attempt at something new. Just keep it going is all I’m hoping for. I don’t want to fight you on it but I also don’t want to agree with what you’ve done is the right way either.” 

A tired sigh comes from Kylo as touches his forehead to hers. “We’re not fighting,” he whispers. “But I will, it is the reason why I am here in the first place. To think.”

“We don’t have to agree, that’s ok,” says Rey softly. “But I won’t hold my tongue if I think you’re wrong and I’m fine if you do the same with me. I know better than to think right and wrong is so cut and dry but on some matters it should be. The ones that end with planets being blown up and people being cut down.” 

“All of that sounds fine if you can trust people but you can’t,” he states with a squeeze of his hands around hers. “Look what they did to you, you said you were just a child and they took from you right out of your very own hands. You may believe and look up to good people but they often will fail you the worst.”

Lancing one of her hands together with his, Rey holds on tightly. “Is that what happened to you?”

“Yes,” he says just above a whisper. “That’s the only lesson my parents taught me, you can’t count on things like love and family. They appear good, but they count for nothing in the end. Not when it really matters." 

“So what does that mean for us?”

“You know this was never going to last,” says Kylo and Rey doesn’t miss how bitter he sounds about it. “Thinking or hoping for anything more is just… foolish.”

Moving her foot slowly forward, she touches his and they slowly become entangled together. “I can easily think that too but we both don’t know what’s going to happen. I don’t think it’s foolish to want to hope to still see you after I leave the base.”

“You would really want to?” he asks sounding surprised.

“Of course,” mutters Rey against his hand before kissing it. “I want to see this until it’s end and I don’t want that to be when I leave this base.”

“Osira,” he breathes out and Rey wishes it were her real name. She wants to hear him say it in the same breathless way he utters her cover name. “I don’t know exactly what you want out of this, I just told you how I feel and you still want to which is crazy. What am I supposed to think about that? I feel for you but I…I don’t want you to think I can how you might imagine rather than how it actually is.”

“I don’t pretend to think anything about us together will ever be easy but that doesn’t mean I have to think it wouldn’t be worth it,” says Rey. “But so long as it’s working, I don’t want to stop.” 

“But you will,” whispers Kylo almost sadly. “I’ll do something you can’t fit into your world view and then you will want to. I’m still who I am, that hasn’t changed. You also don’t know everything I’ve done.”

“And you don’t know that about me either,” she says quickly. “I’ve killed before, to live and to save myself yes but I have taken lives. I know it doesn’t compare to what’s on your hands but don’t you think for a moment I’m some pure thing. I do what I must, I always have and I always will. Maybe I need this. Maybe I need you. Not for some balance in the Force or some war like others do but because I like you. I like being around you despite all the headaches you cause me.”

Breathing in deeply, Rey wets her lips and carries on. “How else can I put it so you’ll believe me? If you think I’ll confess or promise I’ll follow you anywhere that’s a lie. I won't say that or forgive you for any real horrors you’ve done. I will hold you to something higher, I will expect more from you than what I’ve seen so far. You say you want to bring balance, then do it. I haven’t see as much of the galaxy as you but that doesn’t mean I don’t understand how it works. I want to be with you, but only as long as you want to be with me.” 

“And what will you do when I kill someone you care about?” he asks quietly. “It’s then our sides will matter and even if I want you, you won’t want me. Even if I am enjoying this right now, and I am, it has an expiration date. I can’t forget that and I won't try and convince myself otherwise of so.”

Brushing his nose across the back of Rey’s hand, she feels him breathe out slowly. “That was nice of you to say so,” he continues. “I wish I could need you too, but I can’t. Not in any proper way, not in any way you deserve. I’m sure you’ll run into one of those pilots after here and change your mind. Then you can laugh together at how you got Kylo Ren in bed, or rather you got into his.”

“I should slap you for saying that,” growls Rey.

 “Wouldn’t be the first time nor the last,” he mutters.

Smacking him in the shoulder, she wishes the lights were on just so he could see how angry she is. He takes the hit without any reaction and it just makes her even more upset. Pushing her way forward, Rey finds his face and presses her lips to his. When Kylo reacts coldly, not moving a muscle, something in her heart breaks.

 Pulling back she breathes out slowly then puckers her lips. “Do want me to go? If you really think that, that this is just some fun fling, I’ll get out of this bed right now and never return. So say it if you can without it being a lie and I’ll bother you no more.” 

“Maybe you should,” he starts to say but Rey grabs him by the jaw and holds his mouth still.

“Is that it?” she hisses at him. “You’ll fight and kill for something like bringing balance or for whatever other reason you have but if it’s for you, you rather push it away? I don’t care what your parents did or didn’t do, I’m not them. I’m not anyone else but me. If you try and say that, you say it because that’s how you feel about me. You tell me straight that you want nothing to do with me.”

“Whoever you are,” he grumbles.

“That doesn’t matter!” she snaps. “Do you want me to stay or not? If you don’t know enough about who I am, name or not by now, then you’ll never really know me ever. What you’ve seen, that’s it, I work hard and I survive, anything else more is unnecessary.”

“Would you do that? Just get up and leave if I did?” says Kylo.

“Yes,” insists Rey. “But only if you tell me to. Do you want me to leave?”

“Do _you_ want to leave?” he asks much to her frustration.

“No,” she snaps. “Now say it.”

“Don’t go,” he whispers in a voice she’s never heard him speak in before. It takes Rey a moment to realize it’s really him speaking and not someone else in room with them. “I _don’t_ want you to go,” he almost begs.

“Why?” she asks, her own voice softening too but not as much as his.

 “Because I _need_ you too,” he pleads with his voice trembling.

Leaning in closer, Rey brushes her lips against his and feels him tremble. “I think you do too,” she whispers. “I think we need each other and I don’t want that to stop because we’re apart. I don’t want to stop this because it’s the smart thing to do or for whatever other reason we both could think of. Of course I could carry on without you, but I don’t want to. I need you too. I want you.”

His hand reaches up between them and cups Rey’s face, in his touch she feels him tremble again. “Why do you even like me?” he says in a shaky whisper.

“I ask myself that a lot,” she answers softly. “But honestly, even with all the reasons why I shouldn’t, I only need one why I should. Early on I learned easy things you should be wary of and there isn’t anything easy about us being together. But I like how you look at me and I like how you touch me. I like you at my back and at my side. I like you in front of me like you are now. I like touching you and I like kissing you. I even like the way you look when you are up to no good. I like how you make me feel. I like how I feel about you. I’m finding it harder to think of why I don’t or shouldn’t like you. Kylo, can’t you see how in love I am with _you_?" 

“What did you just say?” he asks and Rey can feel how petrified he’s become under her fingers.

“I said I love you,” she repeats easily. 

“I can’t…” whispers Kylo. “I can’t say that back to you.”

Brushing her hand down his face, she kisses his cheeks one at a time and feel a tear slip past her lips. “That’s fine but I had to say it to you,” she says low and hushed.

“What am I supposed to do?” he murmurs and Rey is sure the question is directed at himself rather than her.

“You don’t have to do anything,” she says answering him anyways. 

Rey is pulled closer to Kylo and she feels him brush his lips across hers and then sighs, “Do you have any idea how scared you make me feel?”

“No, tell me,” she mutters.

“I’m terrified of you,” he says and Rey can feel even in the dark his eyes are trying to find hers. “Because I know I should have nothing to do with you. I know you’re wrong and an idealist, even if you say things that make you sound like a realist but you’re not really one. You’re a dreamer, that you actually hope and want the impossible. What scares me is I want it too, that I want to give it to you freely. I thought I killed that hope along time ago and it’s terrifying you make me feel it again. You should get up and leave but I want you to stay.”

There’s a slow shake that starts in his shoulders and moves through his arms and hands. What she feels from him is a fast moving storm of emotions, all swirling too fast now to really pick out just one. 

“That’s all you ever have to say and I will,” says Rey in what she hopes is a soothing tone. 

“But you’ll leave, you’re still going to leave,” he mutters softly.

Carefully reaching out through the darkness, Rey’s fingers find his hair and she slowly starts to card her hands through it. “So are you,” she says. “This isn’t a place we could both stay but that doesn’t mean we can’t find one. No it’ll never be easy for us but I know it’s worth trying.”

“Are we actually talking about this?” says Kylo a little breathless. “About trying to stay together more than just these next few months?” 

“I am,” says Rey with hope in her voice. “I spent years not taking the chances I should have been grabbing after, you’re one I can’t take a pass on. If I don’t try then what good is a moment like this? Do you think I don’t see or not understand how we both feel? How you look at me with the same sort of longing I feel.”

Moving his head, she feels him withdraw from her touch. “Do you think just because if we do it makes this special? There are plenty of lonely people.”

Pulling her hand back to her body, Rey worries her bottom lip. “What makes this special is we have the chance to not be, but we have to both want it for it to work.” 

The storm in Kylo slowly starts to calm and she feels a steady need pulse through him. “Did you really mean that?” he speaks up. “When you said you love me?”

“I wouldn’t have said it if I didn’t,” she says before leaning in to kiss him gently which he welcomes openly. “Do you want me to say it again? So you can be sure?”

Nodding into their touching lips, he breathes out, “Yes.”

“I love you,” says Rey with an open heart. “And I know it’s true because I shouldn’t but I still do. So don’t let me go, hold on tightly to me and I won’t let you go either.”

Shifting about, Kylo presses his face into her neck and she feels him mouth at her skin. “I won’t,” he whispers out. “I won’t let you go." 

Wrapping his arms around her, she shuts her eyes as Kylo pulls her in closer to him. Putting her arms around him too, she turns her head and rests her cheek to the crown of his head.

“Do you promise?” she asks with a growing flush on her face. 

“Yes,” he says between placing kisses to her neck. “I promise.”

Reaching down, she lifts his head up and brings their mouths together once again. Kissing him slowly, Rey works his mouth open so she can be the one to taste him and all the emotions swirling there.

“I promise I’m not going to let you go either,” she mutters and then brushes her nose against his lovingly.

“Can I tell you something?” says Kylo nervously.

Kissing him again, she touches his face and then brings their foreheads to rest against one another. “You can tell me anything,” says Rey quietly.

“My father he,” Kylo starts to say but takes a moment to swallow a lump in his throat. “He never said it, to my mother. People said it was obvious in how he looked at her and he would mutter these lines he thought were cool, but he never told her. I don’t want to be like them, like my parents. They didn’t try hard enough, not for me and not for themselves. They had all these other problem they thought were far more important and it scares me to ever be the same way. It’s why I never wanted to be with anyone, why I didn’t even try.”

“Why me then?” mutters Rey. “If that’s how you feel.”

“I didn’t plan this,” he half laughs. “But now I see you’re a singularity and I’m beyond the horizon of any hope of getting out now.” 

“You make it sound like you’re doomed,” chuckles Rey.

“That I am, I know that for certain,” says Kylo before stroking a hand down her face. “I’m sorry I broke the light, I wish I could look at your face right now.”

“Why don’t you turn on the toilet’s light then?” she suggests. 

He shifts to move but Rey reaches out and stops him. “Don’t get up,” she says amused.

Settling back down, his hands move to her face and she feels him gather the smallest amount of the Force before the light clicks on and the door swings open. It’s not that much light but it reaches far enough that they can see one another dimly. Smiling shyly, Rey sees Kylo is looking at her with what she can only describe as awe. There is a part of her that now never wants to get out of the bed they’re in. If it means he’ll keep looking at her like he is now she’ll gladly just lay there.

“I love you,” says Kylo without any warning.

 A sharp tightening grips her chest and she touches the space above her heart. “Really?” breathes out Rey, unable to say anything more than that.

“Yes,” he whispers and then puts one of his hands over hers at her chest. Her fingers move and welcome him to grip at her hand tightly, both of them needing something to ground them.

“If I can feel it, then I have to be honest with you about it,” confides Kylo. “I have to tell you you’re important to me, that I don’t want to be without you. If you want me with you, even if we're apart, just ask and I’ll come to you.”

“You don’t have to do that,” sputters Rey surprised. 

“But I want to,” he insists with his words and his eyes. “I mean it.”

She feels overwhelmed by his words and by how he’s looking at her. It feels like being full after not knowing she was so empty. Looking down at their hands together, it soothes her excited nerves and she gets the sense things will be ok.

“Come here,” whispers Rey.

Her eyes flicker up and Kylo easily holds her gaze in return. Moving in closer, his other arm slips under her and pulls Rey closer while their hands still remain interlocked. Their noses brush, tip to tip, then their lips meet and it’s like being kissed for the first time all over again. There’s a real warmth she can feel in Kylo and the connection between them buzzes with it. Then that strange note washes over her too, it’s deep and low tone that Rey can tell it’s all for her.

They kiss slowly until the sharpness of the new fades to feel old and familiar. She finds a deep comfort within him, one she’s never had with a surplus of food or a shelter to call her own. As their mouths touch and taste one another, it’s then Rey feels something that frightens her. Grabbing on to Kylo’s hair, she pulls on it and they part breathing hard. Looking into his eyes, he looks back at her slightly worried but she can only smile in response to it.

Pulling her hand free from his, Rey pushes him without thinking on to his back and he moves easily with it. Putting her body on top of his, she sits just above his waist and looks down at his marked skin. Reaching to it, Rey touches the scar at his jaw and then kisses him hard and fast. His hands reach up to gently grip at her arms and she feels him get a little lost with in the more aggressive way she’s moving. 

Grabbing at one of his hand, she forces him to take hold of her at her hip and then growls into his mouth, “Don’t let go.”

Doing as he was told, Kylo’s other hand moves and grips at her firmly. Rey hums pleased at the pressure and has never felt more like she wants to just be crushed by him. The fear she feels from Kylo is endearing but Rey wants and needs so much more. Just thinking about his words, how he actually told her he loves her spurs her on.

“What’s gotten into you?” he mutters after she bites at his lips.

“You,” says Rey before moving to nip at his jaw. 

A low groan escapes from Kylo and his fingers really dig into her hips now. “If I knew you’d act this way I would have thought about saying something sooner,” he says breathlessly.

Breathing on his ear like he’s done to her before, Rey smiles as she feels him shiver as equally bad as she had. “Now was fine,” she whispers before leaning in to suck on the bottom of his lobe.

One of the hands on her hips leave it and she hisses as he moves to grabs at one of her breasts. “We need to stop,” breathes out Kylo as he brushes his fingers across her nipple. “Before this gets out of hand.”

Putting her mouth to a section of his neck, Rey bites on it and feels him become tense under it. His hand on her grips even more tightly, almost bruising as they both let out a low groan together. “It already has,” she breathes out then moves to meet his mouth again.

They kiss messily and his hand on her chest doesn’t stop moving the whole time. Kylo rubs at her and pinches lightly until Rey has to break away and just shake from it. Her whole body has gone tight and she feels a dampness between her legs that sobers her quickly.

“Maybe we should,” she mutters and wonders if he can feel it too.

Sitting up, Kylo holds on to her by her hip and Rey finds her eyes falling shut when his mouth replaces his hand. He sucks on her and she feels the tightness grow that much harder. Squeezing her legs together around his middle, Rey shakes and lets out a low groan.

“You told me not to let go,” he mutters then switches to assault her other breast.

Putting her hands into his hair, Rey holds Kylo close as he keeps going. It feels good, what he’s doing, but she also wants to be touched elsewhere. Rolling her hips experimentally, she grinds slowly into him and feels Kylo stop moving right away. The hand on her hips turns to iron and he holds her perfectly still with him.

“If you do that again,” he says. “I’m going to want to go much farther than just kissing you.”

“What if you touched me?” asks Rey with her voice quivering.

“I don’t know,” says Kylo just as nervously as her. “I… I’ve never." 

“Give me your hand,” she instructs.

Moving his head back to look up at her, Kylo stares unsure. Leaning forward, Rey brushes back some of the hair that’s fallen in his face and kisses his forehead. “Just for a moment, then we’ll stop,” she whispers across his skin.

Nodding, he gives her his hand from her chest and she covers it with her own. Slowly moving his hand down, she glides his fingers down over her stomach and then listens to him inhale sharply when they reach her underwear.

“I’ve only done this to myself,” she says before pushing their hands down past her waistband.

Covering his fingers with hers, Kylo moves with her touch and she shows him how to slip down between her legs. “You’re wet,” he says with a gasp.

Biting down on her bottom lip, Rey shuts her eyes and moves him even deeper. Past her folds she curls his fingers up and pushes his touch to her. She only has to show him for just a few moments before he’s slowly rubbing at her on his own and Rey is fighting to breathe.

“Right there,” she says with a whimper.

Lifting up on her knees to give them more space, Rey’s own hand moves with his as she feels a sharp and warm pleasure curl through her. Letting out a soft shout when his fingers touch her more than right, Kylo freezes and Rey shakes further with need.

“Did I hurt you?” he asks worried.

“No,” half laughs Rey before letting out another low groan. “You just, that was good. That felt really good, where you were.”

Moving his fingers without hers, Rey slips her hand out and holds herself up against him. He moves carefully, his eyes watching her face for her reactions to where he’s touching her. When she inhales sharply, Kylo’s hand stops so his fingers can stroke the same place over and over.

Digging her fingers into his skin, Rey’s head bows and she lets out a breathy cry. “Take these off,” he asks pinching at her underwear with his other hand.

“I don’t think I should,” she whispers then shakes when he rubs her a little harder. “What about you?”

“What about me?” he says as he licks his own lips then rubs another teasing circle.

Reaching down she grabs his wrist and stops him. “Do you… do you want me to touch you too?”

Their eyes meet and she can see he wants it but Kylo slowly shakes his head no. “I’m fine, I just… let’s lay back down.”

“Sorry,” says Rey. 

“Don’t be,” he says quickly. “I… I’m new to this too. Ok?”

Meeting half way, they kiss softly as Kylo pulls his hand free. He wipes his hand off on his own briefs then slowly pulls her down with him, back down on to the bed. They lie side by side facing one another.

“Was that ok?” he asks. “What I was doing?”

Nodding quickly, she smiles and runs a hand across his chest lightly. “Yes, that felt… it felt very good.”

Reaching for the blanket, Kylo pulls it over them then she sees him reach down between them. “Sorry,” he says while she feels him shift around by his hips.

Her cheeks flush as Rey gets the idea of what he’s doing. “You don’t need that poking you,” he says with his own flush.

Trying not to laugh, she covers her mouth but ends up chuckling anyways. “I’m not,” snickers Rey. “I’m not laughing at you.”

Kylo flushes a deeper red and Rey shakes her head at him. “I’m serious, it’s just, I can’t believe I just had you do that.”

“Why do you say that?” he asks, a little perplexed by what she means.

Touching his jaw, Rey follows it back and then starts to slowly toy with his hair. “I’ve only ever touched myself so it’s just, I never thought about someone else doing it until now. Can we… Can we try again another time?” 

His eyes go wide and he can’t meet her gaze for a few moments. “Sure,” Kylo says softly. “I’d… I’d like that.” 

“Will you show me sometime, what to do with you?” Rey says with insisting tone.

Kylo’s eyes snap to hers and she feels worry pour off of him. “Y-Yes,” he sputters.

“Good,” she says with a smile before moving in closer to try and kiss away his fears away.

When their lips meet, a soft beeping comes from across the room. Looking up, Rey groans, “It’s an urgent message, I should go look at it.”

“From who?” asks Kylo.

“It’s for fake work, not the Resistance,” she mutters and tries to get out of the bed. 

Kylo’s hand’s stop her, holding her in place. “Ignore it,” he says. 

“I can’t,” Rey says bitterly. “I’ll just grab it and come right back.”

Letting go of her, Rey slips out from under the blankets and hurries over to her bed. The datapad is still in her uniform and she has to dig it out of one of the pockets. Moving quickly, Kylo opens the blankets for her and she slips back inside. Curling around her, Rey wiggles into his awaiting arms. Lifting the datapad above the blanket, she opens the new message and starts to read it as Kylo idly kisses at her shoulder.

“Oh this isn’t good,” she mutters after a few minutes and re reads the message over. 

“What is it?” he says looking up and trying to read it.

“This is what Hux was talking about,” she says with a frown. “We’re being transferred but not really. It says here we have to move into a new section and a new room but we’ll still report to this section for work sometimes. This list is huge, Amaza, Peter, they are here too. We’re all being moved to help speed up construction. Damn it,” she hisses.

Grabbing the datapad from her, Kylo grumbles, “Let me see that.”

Moving to lie down on to his back, Rey moves in as close as she can to watch Kylo read the message. Scrolling up and down it, he shuts it with a single tap of his finger then glances at Rey.

“You didn’t see this,” he says then starts logging her out. 

She watches him move his hand with a swift motion and his fingers dance to input a new username and password. The system restarts and it’s different visually right away.

“What are you doing?” she asks.

“I’m checking for myself,” he says and she sees Kylo quickly move past a large queue of unread messages.

Scanning the subject of each one, he finally clicks on one marked very important and looks to be sent out to people of high rank. “Is this your work account?” she whispers feeling a bit giddy at what she’s seeing.

“One of them,” says Kylo.

“Won’t someone noticed you signing in from my datapad?” ask Rey suddenly recalling such things are possible.

Glancing at her with a smile, he then leans in and puts a kiss to her temple. “No, even without the Force I’m still one of the best in the First Order with handling information.” 

“What?” says Rey shocked. “What exactly do you actually do?”

“I don’t just take it from people’s head’s all day if that’s what you think, just because I wasn’t good at fixing things doesn’t mean I don’t know my way around systems,” he says proudly. “You should see my shuttle, it’s actually very impressive with its data collection.”

Arching a brow at him, Rey looks very interested, “How impressive?”

“Very,” he almost purrs.

Squinting at him, she turns her head to look up at the ceiling. “That’s horrible to tempt me with that, it’s not like I can go and see it anyways.”

Letting the datapad rest on his chest, Kylo turns and leans in closer to her ear. “How do you know that?” he says warm and low.

Crossing her arms over her chest, Rey stares at him from the corner of her eye. “Where is this shuttle anyways?" 

“Somewhere,” he mutters.

“Close?” asks Rey.

“Maybe,” says Kylo teasingly. 

“It’s that big one that looks like a flying V, right?” she mutters.

His eyes light up and he grins before placing a kiss to the corner of her jaw. “So you’ve heard or seen it before?”

“I’ve heard about it,” she sighs through the lie. “You really like doing this, don’t you? Showing off.”

“Yes,” says Kylo. “You don’t seem so put off by me doing so.”

“I like ships, what can I say?” huffs Rey.

“Can you fly them?” he mutters against her skin. 

“Yes,” she says with pride. “I can fly almost anything.”

Pushing the datapad off of him, it slips behind his back as Kylo rolls on to his side. Reaching under the blankets, he puts his fingers around her hips and pulls her closer. 

“Really?” he breathes out while looking up into her eyes.

Slowly turning her head more towards him, the corner of Rey’s mouth turns upwards. “Yes, I’ve actually beaten the flight simulator. It couldn’t think of anything else to throw at me after I was through with it.”

“That’s really very attractive you know,” says in a pleased tone before bending down to kiss at her collarbone. 

“Would you let me fly your shuttle?” sighs Rey as his lips pepper her skin. 

“I would say yes if I knew of a situation where you could but unless you want to actually join the First Order I don’t see it happening,” says Kylo.

“That’s a shame,” pouts Rey.

Looking up at her mouth, he wipes her frown off her face with a burning kiss. She leans into it and wraps her arms around his neck. Holding him close, Rey sighs happily into his mouth.

“Yes it is,” says Kylo between kisses. “I think you would look rather good in black.”

Pulling away, she gives him a curious look. “What?”

“I’ve thought about it,” he admits. “You in something else besides our wonderfully flattering uniforms.”

“Like what?” she says while searching his eyes.

“There a good reason why I wear a mask you know,” he says and then kisses her softly on the lips. “No one knows what I look like.”

“What does that have to do with picturing me in something else?” asks Rey confused. 

He really smiles at her and Rey feels unable to breath. “You wanted to see me after here, who says we can’t meet somewhere I can take you out to dinner at. You in a dress, me in something more formal.”

There’s a heavy beating in her chest and it takes her a moment to come to realize it’s her own heart pounding. “A dress?” she repeats. “Formal?” 

“I thought you would be more excited about food,” chuckles Kylo. 

“Food?!” she squeaks. “You want to buy me food?!”

His smile comes back with a vengeance and Rey isn’t even sure she’s awake or living at the moment, he just looks so pleased by her reaction. “Good food, not this slop you eat far too easily,” he chuckles.

“Good food?” she whispers.

“Yes,” says Kylo. “Unless you don’t want to.”

“No, no, no, no,” says Rey quickly. “I want to! I _really_ want to!” 

“It’s a date then,” says Kylo with a grin and a wink.

“Yes, yes it is,” mummers Rey with her own smile before they come together in a lingering kiss both seem more than hesitant to end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonus: Even more fanart! [A lovely piece by tindu.](http://tindu.tumblr.com/post/142373684879/for-ellensama-because-i-really-love-her-its)
> 
> I also had a blast writing this chapter, feel free to spam the comments if you had a good time reading it.


	24. Fear Can't Hold Me Forever

“Do you want me to stop the transfer?” asks Kylo as he picks up the fallen datapad.

“No,” says Rey as she rests an arm above her head. “Del-Mara would know something is wrong and this doesn’t change anything for me.”

Sitting back against a pillow, Kylo idly goes through his backlog of unread messages. “You still haven’t tried to ask me to help you with your mission.”

Turning her head to look up at him, she narrows her eyes. “And I’m not going to. I told you, I can handle myself. Even if I did I would have to report it, it would be clear enough then that I had higher up help with what I’m sure you can do. My mission has nothing to do with you and I’m keeping it that way.”

Glancing down at Rey, Kylo stares at her for a moment before a sly smile comes to his lips. “You’re protecting me?” he asks surprised. “You’ll mention a Matt but not a word about Kylo Ren.”

A flush comes to her cheeks and Rey quickly looks away. “You’re reading too much into it,” she says softly. “I just don’t want to deal with the effects of saying you’re here. It would change everything radically and it doesn’t need to.”

“You must know you’re family isn’t going to see it how you do when they find out,” he mutters still gazing down at her.

“I’ll report it after I leave, if I have to, or I’m sure someone else will when word gets around about your inspection.”

“Someone else?” murmurs Kylo. “So there are others here?”

“Yes,” says Rey firmly. “But I’m not telling you who so don’t ask.”

“I wasn’t going to,” he says with a shrug of his shoulders before turning back to the datapad. “It does leave me quite warm and fuzzy you’re keeping my name out of it.”

Looking back at him, Rey frowns and lightly knocks her hand against his side in a playful warning. “Oh shut up,” she mutters.

“Maybe you should come back up here and make me,” comes out of Kylo teasingly.

“You’ve had enough for now,” is huffed by Rey. “And I need to think, about what’s going to happen next.”

Appearing displeased for a moment that she didn’t take his bait, Kylo quickly let’s it go and starts to type on the datapad once again. “I am stepping in about one thing,” he says.

Leaning her head back, Rey tries to glance at the screen. “What are you doing?” she asks.

Kylo’s eyes flicker back and forth while reading and then he moves to type again. “Giving us a slightly better room,” says Kylo pleased with himself. “Since there will be too many people for the group barracks they have set up, some teams are getting to use the officers rooms until the new groups of officers get transferred in later.”

“That’s not going to raise any unwanted attention at us, is it?” questions Rey.

Shaking his head no, his fingers keep typing. “It was done as a lottery, I’m just editing the final list is all. No one will know.”

Pushing herself up on her elbows, Rey doesn’t miss when Kylo looks quickly to her when the sheet slips off her chest. His eyes linger on her breasts but she quickly lifts it back up, covering herself once more as she resettles in closer to him. 

“What’s an officers room like?” she asks while looking at the list of names.

“It’s not much different from this one, but it does have its own refresher,” says Kylo as he completes the edit. 

Looking slightly impressed, Rey smiles softly. “I won’t say no to that upgrade.”

“I didn’t think you would,” he mutters warmly back.

Leaning her head onto his shoulder, she shuts her eyes and thinks about getting something to eat soon. “We’ll have to move in a few days, that’s when the transfer is happening.”

“Got anything hidden in here I should know about?” responds Kylo with a low chuckle.

Feeling him shift slightly, his head leans towards hers but they don’t actually touch. “Maybe,” says Rey in a tone that confirms nothing. “Even if I did I’m not showing you.” 

“Smart girl,” he says amused. “Even after what we’ve said to one another you’re still keeping your guard up about me.”

Opening her eyes, she looks into his. “I love you but I’m not an idiot.”

His gaze narrows into something sharp and intense, sending a chill down Rey’s spine. The effect she clearly has on him thrills her to her core. Chewing on her lips, Rey smiles and lets Kylo see she knows what her words can do to him.

“You like me saying that, don’t you?” she asks in a low tone.

“Yes,” he says without any hesitation. 

“Put that down,” whispers Rey.

Quick to comply, Kylo moves the datapad from one hand to another, and then reaches out to set it down past her on the nightstand. She watches him move and his gaze never strays from her.

Holding up a hand, she curls two of her fingers at him. “Come here,” says Rey beckoning him.

As Kylo leans down towards her, she savors the way his eyes darken first with want. Their lips touch in a light kiss, brushing against one another until Rey opens her mouth and nips at his bottom lip. Pulling on it with her teeth, she can feel the deep roll of pleasure and excitement run through him. Letting go with a wet pop, Rey then tilts her head and tastes his mouth deeply. They try and steal each other’s breathe and end with the both of them gasping equally for air. Sharing a private smile, Rey kisses Kylo one last time on the lips and then pulls away to get out and off of the bed.

“Where are you going?” he asks and Rey can hear how affected he is by the quivering in his voice.

“Mess hall,” she yawns as she looks around for her bra. “We slept a long time and I’m not going to miss another meal if I have any choice in the matter.”

Holding up her missing bra, Kylo sits up further in his bed with smug grin. “Looking for this?”

Turning around, she covers her chest with her arm and then moves to take it from him. Sharing a quick smirk between the two of them, Rey grabs it from Kylo quickly and quickly puts it back on. Moving to her locker, she then pulls out a clean uniform and starts to dress. 

After finishing and shutting the locker door, Rey looks over to Kylo who’s still watching from his bed. “Are you coming?” she asks.

Tapping his fingers on the top of the datapad, Kylo looks away and starts reading once again. “No, go on without me. I have my own work to do.”

Sitting down on her own bed, she pulls her boots toward her and then tugs them on. “Do you want me to sneak you out something?” she asks while tying her laces.

Taking a quick glance to her, Kylo looks away with a small smile. “I’m fine, but thank you for asking.”

Watching him for a silent moment, Rey feels a strange distant despite how equally close she feels at the same time. Focusing on Kylo’s emotions, they’re content and roll against her in dull waves that soothes as well. In her heart Rey knows how she feels about Kylo now, but her mind easily reminds her of their shared past. Looking down at her hands, she stares at them and recalls much of what they have done. They’ve pulled her through the insides of long dead ships, she’s scrubbed metal until she’s bled with them, and she’s wielded a weapon of legend. Now they know the softness of Kylo’s skin and despite him still being her enemy, wants to hold him close and ever so gently.

Her hands don’t look any different but Rey feels different. The whole world seems to have shift under her very feet yet again. Curling her fingers in and out, she wonders what else she’ll do with them before they turn old and wrinkled. Looking over to Kylo, who’s face is illuminated by the datapad, Rey wonders if she’ll now get to see him become old with their new development. 

It’s a silly thought but one she can’t help but think about. If they both end up living long enough, Rey has seen both of his parents and her mind hurries to imagine what he might look like later in his life. It’s easy enough to guess his hair will turn to a peppery grey, much like Han and Leia’s, and the lines that are already softly on his face will deepen with time of course. Feeling her gaze upon him, Kylo looks up and Rey can only see an old man with a long faded scar looking back to her.

Feeling her heart start to race, she remains frozen in her daydream and strangely can only think about how his eyes haven’t changed at all in the imagined picture. “What’s wrong?” asks Kylo and it shakes her free from her own imagination.

“Nothing,” says Rey shortly before rising to her feet. “I was just thinking about something. I won't be gone long.”

Feeling his gaze on her as she walks to the door, Rey looks back half expecting to see an older Kylo again but she finds only a man in his prime staring back. Sighing with relief, she does see him he react with worry rising to his features that she ignores. Hurrying out the door, she feels instantly better once outside and away from him.

Walking towards the mess hall Rey’s relief only grows with each step, the growing distance doing her good. Unable to stop from thinking still, she wonders if maybe Kylo felt the same way too. Ever since they first kissed, they have quickly moved into something far deeper than she expected. Not that Rey had ever imagined in the first place to ever become emotionally or physically involved with Kylo. 

Taking a deep breath in, she exhales deeply and tries to let her worries go. Repeating her deep breathing over and over again, Rey grows calm and steady once more. The panic she had just felt was an old one, a fear she’s dealt with for a long time. Luke had too sensed it in her, he had frowned and stared silently until he moves and placed a hand over hers.

“You have to let it go Rey,” said Luke softly. “Let go of this fear.”

It still seemed impossible for that to ever happen, fear had kept her alive for too many years to be able to be cleanly torn from her. Fear is what keeps Rey alive now, and even if her heart longs for Kylo, she knows she still must be wary. Having been careful with the revelation of her name, Rey knows it hasn’t been a waste of time or a fool’s errand. They may kiss and touch but that doesn’t mean she’s defenseless around him. Trust only comes with time and Kylo is still far from proving he’s worthy of hers completely. 

Arriving at the mess hall, she finds it’s half full with the end of a dinner shift. A few heads glance up her way but mostly everyone sticks to their own meals and conversations. Many are about the transfers happening and as she walks past, Rey can hear snippets of their concerns. Getting an empty tray and then her having it filled with food, she finds a quiet table to sit and looks about the mess hall.

Examining every face, every frown, and every smile, Rey knows she may be the one who will bring about each of their ends. It may not be her hands that pull a trigger or set the bomb in place, but she’s here now trying to gather and cause as much damage as she can. Most of the lives in the section she’s stationed in, Rey knows them by name. It’s a sudden and haunting thought, one that makes her feel like she’s dinning among ghosts who don’t know it yet.

The food she’s in a hurry to get into her mouth suddenly tastes of ash. From across the room Amaza’s laugh rings out like a bell and a crack runs through Rey. She tries to stop it by thinking of ocean waves that lap at smooth beach stones. There’s more laughter and then Rey is on her feet, stepping away and leaving a half eaten tray in her wake. She hurries out of the room, missing the way Amaza watches her go and then looks to the table she’s fled from. 

Racing through the halls, Rey ignores any onlookers until she’s back in front of the door to her room. With a hand hovering over the controls, she thinks about to enter or not. Her stomach twists in painful knots but she knows she doesn’t have really anywhere else to go. Taking a deep breath in, Rey opens the door and walks in somberly. Out of the corner of her eye she catches the brightening of Kylo’s face as he looks to her, the datapad’s screen illuminating him in the darkness. Rey doesn’t return his stare and instead hurries to her locker for her nightclothes. Pulling them out without a word, she moves quickly to the other room to change.

Hoping to keep the silence going, she changes quickly then hurries out and over to her own bed. Depositing her clothes that she’ll use again tomorrow, Rey then crawls into bed. Giving Kylo her back, she pulls her blankets tightly around herself and hopes sleep will find her soon.

“Is everything alright?” he finally does ask after some amount of time.

“Yes,” says Rey quickly. “I’m just tired, good night.” 

There’s a strong feeling of regret and rejection that rises up in Kylo but Rey just shuts her eyes tightly and tries to ignore it. Having got the point, a heavy silence hangs in the air and she can’t hear him doing anything. There’s no typing on the datapad and she almost misses the quiet sigh he makes after a good long while.

A soft knock comes from the door and Rey then hears Kylo’s bed creak slightly from his weight. He must put his wig on because she then hears a quick rustling of it and a soft curse as he fights with it. His feet step loudly towards the door but she doesn’t move to look who it is. The door hisses open and there’s another hiss that follows it shortly.

“Damn Matt, is that what you got hiding under there?” asks Amaza.

“What do you want?” he snaps in a sharp and tired tone. 

“Can I talk to you for a minute?” she whispers.

The door slides shut and Rey can’t tell on what side they stand until she hears them start to whisper. Only catching bits of it, she hears her name and Amaza’s concern about her. Pulling the blanket fully over her head, Rey tries to block out the sound but the hushed conversation ends quickly. The door reopens and then shuts but Kylo doesn’t move.

“Do you think hiding under the covers is going to stop me from asking what’s wrong?” he speaks up.

“I’m fine,” she says poking her head slightly up to speak clearly.

“No you’re not,” Kylo sighs and she listens to him approach her bed. “You didn’t finish your food, Amaza just told me you left it and ran out. What happened? Was is because of what we did or what I said?”

Sitting up, Rey looks at him with panicked eyes. “No, it’s not that,” she pleads. “It’s really nothing, just forget about it.”

Pulling off his wig, Kylo tosses it on to the nightstand and frowns. It’s hard to see with just the bathroom light on but she feels it in his swirling emotions. 

“No,” he says firmly. “Everything was fine and then you went to the mess hall, didn’t finish your food, which I know never happens, and now you are cowering like a child under your blankets. Amaza just came here worried about you, be happy you have someone who likes you enough to do that. If anyone else noticed and cared enough to talk about it, that could get some eyes on you that you don’t want. This is the First Order Osira, they look for weakness in people all the time.”

When she doesn’t move nor respond, Kylo anger strangely fizzles out before he approaches her bed slowly. Sitting down on the edge, Kylo looks to Rey baffled. “Talk to me,” he says softly. “I thought we we’re doing a pretty good job of that as of a late.”

“We we’re,” says Rey quietly.

Moving to sit up against her pillows and headboard, she pulls her legs to her chest and rests her arms on top of her knees. After putting her chin on top of her arms, Rey looks to Kylo and can’t find what words to say. He doesn’t make a move to touch her but his shoulders slump forward as rests his own arms on top of his bare legs.

“But not anymore,” he whispers with a deep sigh.

“It’s not like that,” she mutters and it draws his gaze to look at her with fierce eyes.

“So it wasn’t something I said?” questions Kylo strongly.

Shaking her head no, Rey reaches up and rubs her newly pounding temple. “I don’t want to talk about because I don’t even like thinking about it. It’s just something I do, it’ll pass.”

His eyes refuse to waver from her and Rey catches his gaze as he clearly studies her face. “If you don’t want to talk about it, I won't ask anymore but I will say this. You not eating like that, it worries me. It worries me greatly. I don’t know how else to say it more clearly that I care about your well being than I already have.”

Moving her hand down, Rey covers her eyes and feels ashamed at how much her thoughts are bothering her. If he was anyone else, she surely would have told them to him, but it makes all the worse when someone like Kylo is trying to provide her real comfort. He makes it worse by reaching out to her and putting his hand upon her foot through the blanket. His thumb moves slowly, rubbing back and forth with a simple motion that makes her walls start to crumble.

Wanting something she can’t put into words, Rey moves her hand and reaches out for his arm in a silent plea. There is a brief look of understanding that passes through Kylo before he moves to open his arms to her. Moving out from under the blankets, Rey crawls forward and he pulls her in close. Cradling Rey in his arms, she hates the tender kiss he places at the top of her head and how she feels safe from her thoughts now in his arms.

There is something in the way he starts to touch her, like ghostly fingers of a parent trying to soothe a child. That sensation alone brings up a whole new wave of questions and ideas but she still doesn’t voice any of them. They talk now through touches and silently lingering stares. Looking up, Rey sees Kylo watch her carefully and then brushes one of his hands through her bangs. His touch is feather light and she enjoys when he uses his fingers to slowly trace her face. The kindness he shows to her is so sweet it almost feels rotten. Rey will never escape what else his hands have done to her but she doesn’t wish for them to stop with everything he’s doing now. Putting her hand over his, Rey holds his palm to her cheek and feels him stroke it with his thumb.

“I was just thinking about my mission,” she says softly. “About the past and the future, about what it means, and where I may end up. Yes you did have a part to play in making me think about it, but it’s something I think of often. Something I worry a great deal on.”

“It frightens you,” says Kylo softly.

His thumb gives another gentle stroke and Rey wonders how long they could just stay the way they are now. “Yes, yes it does,” she admits. “Do you think you’ll ever get to grow old?”

There’s a clear shock that runs through Kylo’s eyes and she feels a sharp bitterness roll off in a thick slow moving fog from him. “I don’t know,” he quietly admits. “I can hope I will but the path I’ve been walking doesn’t exactly promote a long life. Why do you ask?” 

“There was an old woman, where I mostly lived before joining the Resistance,” Rey starts to say with a heavy sigh. “She worked just as hard as me or anyone else but I would look to her and wonder if that was going to be me one day. Some dried up old woman with hands caked in so much oil and dirt that they would never be clean again. I worry a lot, sometimes to the point where I can’t eat or breathe. It doesn’t happen that often anymore but I still get so… so frighten.”

“Fear is a powerful thing,” says Kylo knowingly. “If you master it, you master your fate.”

“What about you, have you mastered it?” asks Rey.

Shaking his head no, Kylo’s other arm moves around her waist and pulls her close. “No, in some areas I have but I still very much fear a lot of things.” 

“Really?”

“Really,” he repeats. “Why don’t you tell me about yours and I’ll tell you about some of mine.”

Taking a slow breath in, she glances to him and he looks back with a calm and patience stare. “You will if I do?”

“I said I would, so I will,” states Kylo.

Turning her head down, Rey looks to his hand holding on to her. Drawing it away from her body, she puts her own hands around his much large one and traces the deep lines of his palm.

“I’m scared of what is going to happen. I still believe in what I’m doing is right but I don’t want everyone here to die. Amaza isn’t bad and Peter can’t be if he talks to you,” says Rey.

Slipping her fingers along his, she watches his curl back in response. “I’ve read all about the history of the previous Deathstar and I know about the previous Starkiller, both times how many people died who were just workers?” she asks. “How many gone? I’m apart of this now and I don’t want it to turn out the same way. I want to stop this base and this weapon, but I want to spare as many lives as I can. I want this war to be over so I can have a life of my own, a real one.”

“You’d be surprised how many other people want that but still move forward with perpetuating this never ending struggle,” says Kylo low hovering near her ear. “If you are so worried, just ask me.”

“No,” says Rey quickly and then fits her hand into his, gripping it tightly. “I wont… I wont use you like that.”

“Anyone else would have said yes,” he mutters. “That’s what I love about you, you hold on tight to your convictions. Don’t let this one slip out of your hands. You came here to do something, do it.” 

“How can you say that?” she whispers. “After everything you’ve done with them?”

“You want to know what I’m scared of?” 

Nodding her head yes, Rey lays her head back on his shoulder. “Tell me,” she breathes out.

“That Han Solo was right,” he says firmly. “That’ll be used up and spat out like a piece of unwanted fat. I use to believe in Snoke, in how wise he was, at how his way was the right. I do still think he was on to something, just not in the way you are thinking now, but I’ve seen inside of too many people. I know how they think, how they feel, and how they react. This war is far from over and blowing up this base isn’t going to stop it. I’m scared because I have an idea of how broken I am but I can’t see it all. Too much has been taken from me and who I am today, I’m not fully sure who that even is.” 

“Is all of that true?” asks Rey with a quivering voice and eyes fixated on his. 

“Yes,” breathes out Kylo. “Maybe that’s why I ask you, why I think I want to help. Because I can’t help myself, not anymore, it’s too late for me.”

Sitting up and out of his arms, Rey turns her body to face him. “Don’t say that,” she hisses. “Don’t you dare say that, it’s never too late.”

He smiles bitterly at her and reaches out to push some of her hair from the corner of her face to behind her ear. “That’s sweet of you to say, but it is. I can feel, the damage Snoke has done. You see, sometimes he likes to go into my mind and fixes it. Takes out memories I don’t need, moves others around until they fit what he wants. I use to be so happy when he did it, he made it all easier when I thought how he wanted me to. Then this happened.”

Motioning to his face, Kylo’s hand gestures to his scar. “I don’t know how but the last time he did it, it didn’t work so well. I still have a hard time recalling huge sections of time but I can feel it now, all the broken edges. Snoke knows it too, he started to question me and unless I can stop him, he’s going to kill me for sure after he’s done.” 

There’s a heavy beating in Rey’s chest and she reaches up and touches her eyes to find them moist with tears. It’s in that moment she feels an overwhelming feeling to keep that from happening, to keep him with her.

“Is that what you’re going to, after here?” she softly asks. 

Kylo takes in the sight of her hovering tears and smiles bitterly. “I’m going to try, I’ll have to play along again, make him happy until I can get close enough to do it.”

“Why don’t you ask me for help then?” pleads Rey. “If that’s what you want to do, I can help.”

“How about this,” he says firmly. “When you take my help, I’ll accept yours, but only you. I want nothing to do with the Resistance.”

“And after?”

 Giving her a small shrug, Kylo idly runs a hand through her hair, giving Rey the impression he likes touching it. “Take over the First Order, or at least part of it, which will make Hux a very angry man at me.” 

“And will that make you happy?” asks Rey.

Watching his face slowly knit into a tense confusion, a storm of feelings rises up fast and hot like the summer storms on Jakku with in Kylo. “Happy?” he mutters. 

“Yes,” she breathes out. “Will that make you happy?”

“No, no it would not,” says Kylo honestly but he looks even more confused and upset. “I don’t do things because they make me happy.”

Reaching up, Rey touches his chin and he turns his head down further into it. “Maybe you should,” she whispers.

“And what about you?” he asks.

Stroking his skin, Rey feels the tiny hairs starting to come in along his jaw. “This make me pretty happy.”

Kylo makes a small sound from the back of his throat that sounds disapproving. “You’re trying to change the subject,” he accuses.

“No I’m not,” she says innocently.

“Oh yes, yes you are,” he states, looking ready to buck against her advances. “And if you think this is going to work on me, well… you’re right.”

Her eyes light up as Kylo leans in and takes a hold of her face gently. Their lips touch and her fears and worries go blissfully silent in seconds. They kiss unrushed, not as messily as they have been but now demonstrating how much better they are getting at the act. Opening her mouth, Kylo meets Rey’s kiss with his own reverent one in return. He then he rolls his tongue in a new twist and it leaves Rey shaking in his arms.

“Do that again,” she mutters before covering his mouth with hers.

Kylo does so eagerly and Rey tries her best to copy him. The hand on her face slips back into her hair and while holding her still, Kylo repeats it once more. Copying him in both kiss and grip, Rey puts her own hand to the back of his neck and rolls her own tongue. He shivers this time under her touch and she is left smiling against his lips. She feels him try and respond in kind, his mouth hesitantly turning up at its corners into his own happy smile. Just feeling it leaves Rey excited and relaxed. 

They still have hours until they need to sleep and she wonders if they can just keep kissing until then. “Why don’t you sleep in my bed tonight?” asks Rey in-between gasping breaths. “Or have you already dug in a groove into your mattress?” 

“I rather have a groove shaped like you,” Kylo mutters back before his free hand squeezes at her hip.

“That was almost sweet,” she huffs.

“Oh I’ll show you sweet,” he grumbles and then shifts his body so she’ll slip off of him and on to the bed.

Falling back freely, Rey smiles at him as Kylo descents over her. His body is warm, large, and covers her almost completely. The long solid line he hovers over her leaves her further excited, enough that she pulls him closer until most of his weight is upon her.

“I’m not crushing you am I?” he asks concerned.

Shaking her head no, Rey nips at his jaw. “No, I’ll tell you if you do.” 

“Why do you feel so good?” he whispers almost secretly into her neck.

Grabbing at his broad back, her hands spread out wide and Rey can feel how strong he is and how his skin is littered with scars in all sizes. “I could ask you the same thing,” she murmurs. 

“Do you like me touching you?” Kylo breathes out warmly across her collarbone.

“Yes,” groans Rey as she tips her head back to give him more room. “Very much so.”

A series of hot kisses are splayed from one shoulder to the other. “Can I be honest with you?” he asks breathlessly.

Moving her hands to his sides, Rey slowly glides her fingers down but is careful around the large scar dug deep into his left side. “Yes, of course,” she whispers.

“I really enjoyed touching you before,” he says and then looks up at Rey’s half shut eyes. “If you… If you wanted me to do it again, I will.” 

Licking her lips, she studies his eyes and tries to steady her breathing. “Did you mean now?”

He shakes his head slightly, not really a yes or a no. “I mean whenever, but only if you wanted to.”

“We still have time before we need to get to sleep.”

Kylo’s eyes narrow slightly and Rey can feel the gears turning in his head. “Yes, that’s true,” he says slowly.

Lifting her chin up, she comes up with a plan, one she hopes he’ll agree to. “You can but I have a condition first.”

“What is it?” he says looking now wary of her plotting eyes.

“If you touch me, I want to touch you,” replies Rey boldly.

There’s a red flush that comes to his cheeks and all the steady confidence he had withers. “You don’t have to do that,” protests Kylo weakly.

Putting a hand back on to his face, Rey traces his jaw with her fingers. “But I want to.”

“Are we going to really do this?” he asks unsure.

Following his face, her fingers find one of his large ears hidden in his hair and touches it lightly. Tracing the edge, Rey feels him quiver from it as she smiles. “I’m fine with just laying here too, but I’m not going to let you have your way with me and not let me return the favor.”

Looking nervously at her, Rey smiles further when Kylo bows his head into her touch. “We’re just talking about touching only, right?” he quietly asks. 

“Yes,” whisper Rey as she runs her hand through his hair. “Just touching.”

“Should we… should we get undressed?” he asks in a shy and soft tone.

“Maybe, if we turn the light back off,” she suggests.

“Ok,” breathes out Kylo and before they can move, the switch clicks off and they find themselves back in complete darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are not that far off from the big question everyone has been asking about, when is Kylo going to find out and what is going to happen.


	25. The Smell Of Sunshine

A warm hand cups Rey and she gasps as Kylo’s fingers slip past her folds. He strokes her slowly like before but now he knows a few things, and is quick to repeat them. Sometimes he brushes his fingers in the right spot, other times just him touching her at all is enough for leave Rey struggling to breath.

“Is this ok?” asks Kylo, his voice sounding slightly strained. “Am I… Is this working for you?”

“Yes,” hisses Rey while leaning her head back into her pillow. “Just… Keep doing what you are doing.”

Spreading her legs further apart, she hears Kylo inhale sharply. “What’s wrong?” she asks when his hand stops moving.

“You just surprised me,” he mutters as she feels him try to shift closer to her, but his hips remain further away. 

“What are you doing?” she asks baffled. 

“I’m trying not to shove my dick into your leg, ok?” snaps Kylo.

Lifting a hand to cover her mouth, a soft chuckle rumbles out of her. “You know, I think at this point it would be ok if you did.”

“You say that now,” he grumbles as his hand starts to move again.

Reaching out for Kylo in the dark, Rey touches his shoulder and pulls on it gently. “I’m being serious,” she breathes out. “It’s fine. It has to touch me at some point.”

Stopping again, a bloated pause hangs in the air before he says suddenly, “What?”

Turning her head towards the direction of his, Rey smiles even if he can’t see it. “Do you think the only thing I’m going to let you stick in me is just your fingers?”

“Well I was hoping to try something more with my mouth but… no, I don’t suppose you were,” he murmurs low and unsure.

Rey’s hand on his shoulder moves to find his face and she tugs him down further towards her. “You can do whatever you like with your mouth tonight but save the rest for another time,” she says warmly. “Right now, move closer please. Seeing as where your hand is currently, I don’t think you need to be shy.”

“I wasn’t,” he tries to protest but Rey cuts him off with a kiss.

“You are,” she whispers and knocks one of her legs into his. “Poke me with your saber all you want.”

“Did you just,” he says surprised and then Rey is graced with hearing a warm choking laugh that falls quickly silent from him.

Kylo’s head brushes past her as he leans down and touches his forehead to her shoulder. His entire body shakes with laughter that he’s holding in quietly, but it pleases Rey thoroughly that she’s driven him into such a state. 

“You are,” he gasps against her skin through a chuckle. “You’re horrible.”

A warm heat in her chest blooms and fills Rey with a sudden rush of confidence. “But you like that about me,” she says in a cocky purr.

A smile spreads on Kylo’s lips and she feels against her skin, her tone clearly pleasing him. “That and more,” he whispers.

His hand starts to move once again, but instead of rubbing near the top, Kylo’s fingers slip further down and draw a sharp gasp from Rey. “But I can be horrible too,” he says and then lifts his head up to kiss her.

Shaking under his touch and kiss, Rey doesn’t let herself fall completely into a state of being utterly useless. “Your mouth,” she says between their lips meeting. “What are you planning on doing with it?”

His hips shift closer and she shivers as Kylo completely brushes up against her, hot and hard. “Is that for me?” comes out of her boldly but with a quiver.

Biting at her lips, he draws a low groan from her. “The mouth on _you_ ,” grumbles Kylo. “Are you always going to be like this?”

“Do you want me to shut up?” laughs Rey as she brushes her nose blindly against his. 

Leaning into her touch, they kiss briefly and Kylo’s fingers move to probe over her entrance. He circles it slowly, spreading the moisture already there about. “If you want to keep talking, start by telling me what you like and about how you touch yourself.”

Sucking on her bottom lip, Rey pinches it between her teeth and makes a low hiss. “Can I touch you?” she asks instead.

“Not yet,” whispers Kylo and she feels him slightly rock into her, brushing his cock against her hip. “Tell me first.”

It’s strange to feel him against her but Rey’s body responds to him. She feels hot, enough that a trickle of sweat rolls down from her temple. There is also bittersweet tightness growing, one that she wants to become far worse until it breaks her apart. Moving her head away, Kylo leans down and brushes his nose against Rey’s neck, sending yet another delightful shiver through her. His teeth follow, scraping lightly over her skin before taking a section between them that he starts to suck on. Another low groan is pulled from her and Rey buries one of her hands into his thick hair.

Pulling his mouth back with a soft pop, Kylo repeats himself, trying to compel Rey to speak. “Tell me,” he says slowly.

The fingers circling her dip slightly down, just barely slipping in before they move away to rub slow but pressing circles around about where her clit is. “Higher,” Rey breathes out and then reaches down to direct his hand.

Kylo bites down on her neck, hard enough to mix pleasure and pain together. Arching her back up, Rey lets out a sharp hiss. “Don’t show me,” grumbles Kylo. “ _Tell me_.”

Pulling her hand back quickly, she rests it on her stomach and pinches at it frustrated. “I… I start slow, rubbing up and down, touching everything at first,” she say softly.

“And what do you think about?” he breathes out in a hot wave, his hand moving to copy what she just told him.

“I don’t know,” says Rey unsure. “I just… touch myself. I sometimes would think of someone else doing it, but it wasn’t really anyone. Just a figure, a shadow of a man.”

He presses a little more firmly down on the one spot she likes and Rey squirms slightly from it. “You can’t see me either, but you can feel me,” says Kylo low and deep, Rey hates the effect it has on her. “I can be your shadow, I already follow you everywhere.”

“I already have my own shadow thank you very much,” she tries to joke but his touch leave her groaning. “But kriff I can feel you.”

Placing a kiss to her neck, Rey feels Kylo smile again and there’s something tragic about that, that she’s missing seeing them. “So you never thought of anyone in particular?” he asks, sounding amused by the reaction he’s having on her.

“No,” sighs Rey. “There was no one worth thinking of that way. Are you trying to ask me if I’ve ever touched myself and thought of you?”

“Have you?” asks Kylo quick and eager for her answer.

A warm chuckle rolls out of her and Rey sighs pleased when his fingers finds a cluster of nerves waiting for him. “There,” she pants. “Right there.”

He’s even quicker to stop and rub where she told him that anything else he’s done so far. Rey gets the feeling Kylo is trying to also map her out and record it to his memory 

“Keep talking,” he says and kisses her neck lightly. “Tell me why you did it.”

“Why?” she breathes out and then takes a moment to savor what he’s doing to her. “I did it because it felt good and nothing ever felt good for me. I worked long hours, not for much, but some nights I just wanted to feel good so I would. I’d lie naked in my bed, trying to make it feel the best I could.”

“How would you go about doing that?” rumbles from him as he lazily presses his mouth to her skin.

“By going slow,” Rey says with a small quiver. “I would make myself want it so badly, so much that it hurt, but it would make it last longer in the end. When it would happen, when I would break, it would be so much sometimes I’d scream.”

Nipping at her neck, his nose brushes against her with each touch. “No one heard you?" 

“No one was around to.”

“When was the last time?” he exhales across the shell of her ear.

Shutting her eyes tightly, Rey feels torn between leaning closer to Kylo or further away. His hand is doing such a good job and she feels herself slowly growing closer to the edge she wants to fall over soon. 

“A while ago,” says Rey softly. “Been too busy to.”

Kylo makes a pleased and low hum. “Do you want me to make you cum?”

A violent shiver runs through her, the mixture of his voice low in her ear and his fingers on her becomes a deadly mixture. “What about you?” Rey fights to ask, her voice weak and breathless. “When did you last touch yourself?”

“This isn’t about me right now,” says Kylo firmly.

Reaching out, she touches the bicep of the arm he’s using to touch her. “This about both of us, I want to know. Tell me, please.”

An unhappy and soft grumble comes from Kylo and he moves to lays his head down next to hers on the pillow. “I don’t really remember,” he confesses. “Either because it’s been that long or it just wasn’t anything worth remembering. 

Licking her lips, Rey turns her head and she feels his breath rolls across her face. “Is that why you seem so against me touching you? 

His hand starts to slow down and stroke her almost casually after her question. Rey feels Kylo think about his words, the ones he wants to respond back with, through their connection. She makes no move to pressure him to talk though. Leaning in closer, he brushes his lips against hers and they fall into a silent kiss. It’s soft and open, their tongues moving slowly but clearly needing to touch one another. Rey tries to pour her feelings for him into where they touch, and her free hand lifts up to cradle his face tenderly. Leaning into her hand, she hears that strange tone from Kylo again, longing and deep like a cry.

Focusing on it, Rey knows she doesn’t really hear it but its how her mind is interpreting it through their connection. Maybe there is too much to it, that unlike Kylo’s other emotions that are simple to feel, what he feels for her is too many things at once. Wondering if there is similar tone in her, Rey kisses him, hoping there is. Even if there is one, Rey also knows he couldn’t hear it thanks to her bracelet, but he must feel something by how he pulls away to gasp.

“That’s not it,” mutters Kylo staying close to her. “It’s because I haven’t that much, I just didn’t see the point of it, until now.”

“We can go slow,” she says calmly. “It’s fine. Just tell me when I do something you like. I want you to feel good too.”

There’s this warm rumble that comes from Kylo and Rey finds herself being dragged into another kiss. It’s so sweet at the start but quickly becomes deeply passionate. His hand snaps out of its calm pace and begins to stroke her with a renewed fervor. Rey pants and gasps into his mouth as Kylo circles the same spot over and over again.

“I feel good doing this,” he whispers. “I like making you feel good.”

“Still,” Rey says with a whine. “I want to… I want to make you feel how I do right now.”

“How do you feel right now?”

“Kriffing spectacular,” she groans. “Just… please don’t stop." 

“I wasn’t going to,” he chuckles, Rey finds herself smiling and senses he might be too.

Finding confirmation that she was right when their lips meet, the whole moment boils and distills into one pure emotion that bubbles out of her. “I love you,” she whispers.

A shiver runs through Kylo and he’s quick to try and swallow up her words with his mouth. He kisses her like he wants to steal her very air from her and succeeds in the end doing so. Breathless and wanting, Rey can’t stop herself from repeating the same words again.

“I love you,” she says warmly. “I love you Kylo.”

His lips tremble against hers and Rey can feel him trying to say it back. “I… I love you too,” he murmurs.

There is a sudden break that runs through him and Rey feels it distinctly. Relief fills Kylo and she gets swept up in a warm tide of his emotions. “I want this to work out,” he says and Rey can hear in his voice how emotional he’s become. “I want to make this work.”

Stroking at his jaw, she touches the tips of their noses together gently. “It can,” says Rey like a promise. “So long as we don’t give up on one another.”

“You… You won't leave me?” he almost says pleading 

The question hangs in the air like an open wound, one Rey knows quickly she needs to be cautious of. Kylo has gone completely still around her and the mood has shifted into something else. Reaching down between her legs, she slides her hand over his but doesn’t pull him away just yet. His words sound too much like her own thoughts, her own wants, and it hurts her deeply.

“Even if I did, do you think I would actually want to?” Rey replies, knowing its sure not to be not anywhere near enough for him. “I have to, when my mission is over but that doesn’t have to mean this has to end. We talked about this. I’ll go if you want me to but I’m here, I’m here for you. You owe me a date, remember?”

The crack grows with in him and she feels a surge of long held back feelings rush forth, trying to overwhelm Kylo. “I know that,” he says bitterly but his anger isn’t directed at her 

Running her fingers over his face, she traces the lines and curves of it, seeing it clearly in her mind. “Our lives are complicated, as well as this between us, but I know what I feel. I know what I want to say to you, that I want to tell you I love you, and what I’m saying by it is I have no wish to leave you. I’m scared too, that you’ll look at me and tell me you’ve had enough. That I’m too much of a problem for you to deal with, that you’ll toss me aside to be discarded like junk. You’re not alone in being afraid.”

“I wouldn’t,” he tries to say but it dies on his lips.

Pulling on his hand, Kylo tries to fight her grip but Rey doesn’t let up and he gives in quickly without much of a fight. Lifting Kylo’s hand up to her face, Rey sucks on one of his fingers and tasted herself barely there. He shivers and his hips jerk towards her but she ignores it for now.

“It’s not about what we would or wouldn’t do,” says Rey. “It’s about what we want and if that matches. We can only stay together if we can remain on the same page on some things. Even if we aren’t physically together that doesn’t mean I’m not here for you. I’ve actually grown very attached to you in a short amount of time.”

“Osira,” whispers Kylo in a strange breathy awe.

Sucking his fingers clean one by one, Rey presses a final kiss to his palm before moving his hand to rest above her heart. “Don’t worry about such things right now, let’s just make each other feel good and then get a good night’s rest. That’s all I want right now.”

Spreading his hand open, Kylo’s fingers glide over her skin as he leans in to her lips. “I love you,” he whispers upon them. “I want to be there for you too.”

“You already are,” says Rey softly. “I don’t want you to leave me either.”

The tone grows louder and she shuts her eyes, letting it wash over her. It’s painfully sweet now and it sweeps Rey up in a sort of strange ecstasy that she welcomes. Strong emotions crash upon her in waves and she feels like a stone being dragged into and under a warm sea that is Kylo. His hand resting on her chest moves and glides down over her, Rey shivers as his cups her once again, not done with trying to please her.

Letting out a breathy gasp as his fingers move, rubbing and stroking her with a renew passion, Rey clings to Kylo desperately. The tightness she knows well by her own hands now burns her skin, begging her to be able to reach its end swiftly. Even as good as she feels, Rey know it’s not enough. Kylo doesn’t know her well enough and it had taken herself a while to figure out what she liked enough to finish.

“Please,” Rey begs into his mouth as they meet to kiss.

“What do you want?” asks Kylo quickly, knowing in her tone there’s something she wants to ask.

“Can you… your hand. It’s good but it’s not enough,” she says with a low whine.

“Tell me,” he says. “Tell me what you want me to do, I’ll do it. _Anything_ , anything you could want.”

Kylo’s voice alone sends a deep shiver through her and Rey skin feels like it’s on fire. She never thought she would ever hear him sounding so ready to please her but its effect is deeply thrilling. Arching her body up as his fingers stroke her just right, her lips tremble through a breathy whimper.

“Kriff,” mutters Rey. “Your mouth. Can you… just go down on me?”

“Of course,” he almost laughs and rushes to give her a quick kiss.

Moaning into his mouth, the kiss ends far too quickly but Kylo is hurrying down along her and all of Rey’s protests she could voice die on her tongue. He holds her legs apart and she feels him breathe against the very core of her moment later. Her entire body trembles in a way she’s never felt before and he tries to soothe her by placing a kiss to her inner thigh. Just being touched there by anything feels so alien but she now craves for more.

His nose is the first thing to brush against her as his hands slip under her legs and curl around them. Strong fingers press into her tense muscle and he gently licks at her. Balling a hand into a fist, Rey quickly yanks it up to her mouth and bites down, holding back a cry from the feeling. As his tongue slips over again and Rey instinctively knows its not going to take much longer for her finish, that she was right about having him go down on her. Kylo’s emotions still crash upon her, harder and more intense, but they all feel the same, they all say the same thing to her silently. Drowning in need, both his and her own, she’s never felt better than now.

Biting down harder on her hand, Rey feels Kylo experimentally suck on a patch of skin. A muffled cry chokes out of her and she feels him lift his head up, breath out, and then wipe his own face with his hand.

“Does any of this feel good?” asks Kylo.

“ _Yes_ ,” cries out Rey as she pulls her hand back just enough to speak. “ _Please_ , don’t… don’t stop. I’m… I’m almost there.”

“I’ve only ever thought about this,” he mutters but she can’t stand him not touching her any longer.

Reaching down, she grabs him by the hair and tugs gently. “ _Please_ ,” says Rey again.

Not needing to be told again, Kylo nuzzles his face back down into her folds and draws another muffled shout from her. Rey’s hand lets go of his hair but hovers lightly near the top of his head. Pushing lightly, Rey corrects him when needed and Kylo follows her lead easily. The way he laps at her, it’s clear he’s now learning her this way too, just like how his fingers had been. He tries a variety of different things, different ways of touching her and Kylo only repeats them again if they draw a needy moan from her. Higher and higher he builds her up and Rey isn’t sure her own hand hasn’t taken this far before.

Without a moment of rest, Kylo feeds on Rey and time becomes an abstract concept until he finds her clit. Breathing in sharply with a whimper, Kylo gives pause and then repeat again what he just did.

“ _THERE_ ,” Rey almost shouts and Kylo breathes out a low hiss.

“Shh, these walls aren’t that thick,” he scolds her.

“Sorry,” she says with a shiver. “There, do that, just keep doing that.”

Kissing her, he then repeats his move once more with a flick of his tongue and Rey begins to see stars. “Breathe,” he whispers and she does, in deep gasping mouthfuls.

One of his hands slowly pulls away from her but she barely notices it as he holds her with just his mouth in a painful state of pleasure. Through the arm he has around her leg, she feels a slight shake and slowly her mind puts together what he’s doing.

“I was suppose to do that,” Rey cries out, angry he’s taken something away from her.

“Sorry,” mutters Kylo but he doesn’t stop. “I can’t help myself. You’re just so… so exquisite.”

Grabbing at one of her own breasts, Rey pinches at her nipple until it hurts. “I’m going to make you pay for that. You said I could.”

“That’s only fair,” he gasps and then he sucks hard on Rey.

Grabbing at the sheets, her back leaves the bed again and she feels like she’s suddenly falling. “Oh, _OH_ , **OH KYLO**!” she shouts.

Unable to scold her again, his hand grips tightly at her leg and Rey quickly turns her head to bite at the pillow. Moaning into and she comes so sweetly apart. Her whole body thrums and pulses as tears rise up in her eyes, the pleasure that washes over her is impossibly powerful. Kylo’ mouth doesn’t stop, he wrings more and more pleasure from her until she’s shaking uncontrollably and far too sensitive. When she drops back down on to the bed, boneless and panting, is when he finally pulls away from her.

He’s still close, hanging off the edge of the bed as it shakes from him stroking himself. Listening to him gasp and grunt, knowing she’s the one to put him in such a state is deeply erotic for Rey. The jerking becomes more direr and erratic until a low and sharp gasp is rung from Kylo.

“ _Osiraaa_ ,” he hisses through his teeth and Rey can feel an incredible wave of pleasure over taken him through their bond.

Despite having just finished, just the sound of him finishing makes Rey’s fingers itch to want to touch herself all over again. She does reach out for him he leans back over the bed and her fingertips find his face. There’s sweat on his brow and he lifts his head up further to allow her to stroke his cheek.

“Come here,” she beckons him softly.

Shaking his head, Kylo turns into her hand and kisses her palm. “I need to,” he breathes out, still panting. “I have to clean up first.”

His body slumps forward into a mess of limbs about her legs. She hears him breathing hard and fast, trying to catch his breath as his hot skin bleed against her. Stroking his hair, they lay quietly as they both come down from their trip into bliss. He does stir eventually and slowly, getting up with a low groan and on shaky arms. Rey remains where she is but listens to him shuffle across the room.

A light clicks on, drawing Rey’s attention to it. Kylo stands naked with his back to her and turns on the tap at the sink. A hot flush rolls over her body and before he can turn around, she grabs at sheet and pulls it over her. Walking back out with a washcloth, Rey watches him silently and get her first good look at him in the dim light. His eyes meet hers and she doesn’t know what to make of the slight frown on his face.

“Don’t you think we are a little past that now,” he says, motioning to the sheet.

“No,” she says softly but defiant.

Bending down before the bed and Rey hears Kylo mop up the mess he’s made on the floor. When he stands back up, he reaches for the sheet and before she can get a stronger grip on it, pulls it right off of her. Wrapping her arms around herself, Rey pulls her legs up to try and cover herself the best she can. The face cloth falls to the floor and Kylo crawls on to the bed, moving quickly to her.

Pulling her arms away, he pushes her on to her back and Rey stares up at Kylo with a pout. He looks down at her warmly and she shivers slightly from it as he looks her slowly over. Leaning down, he presses a kiss to the top of one of her breasts and all her trepidation slips away. Sighing happily, she relaxes and feels him place a few more kisses on his way up to her lips.

Wrapping her arms around his neck, Kylo lays carefully over her and they kiss gingerly for a bit. Most of the desperate need has been burned out of them and Rey doesn’t put up a fight when Kylo is the first to pull away. He licks his lips and in the dim light they stare at one another.

Ultimately Kylo’s gaze does waver, first to the left for a lingering moment then to the right before coming back to her. “You’re lucky,” he mutters. “No one heard your big mouth.”

Opening her mouth, Rey gasps at him. “I’m not use to being quiet,” she tries to protest.

Laughing low and warm, she is silence by Kylo quickly as she feels her body grow hot again from just the sound alone. “I liked it,” he says in a low voice just for her. “Hearing you like that.”

Pressing her lips firmly together, Rey flickers her eyes back and forth between his while she studying his gaze. “You still owe me,” she says.

“I know, next time,” he chuckles.

Leaning down to kiss her again, Rey opens her mouth and moans into his. He groans back and becomes distracted by her, allowing Rey to slip her hand down between them and cups him gently. Kylo pulls back with a kick hiss as she slips her fingers along his soft cock.

“Careful,” he says sharply and one of his own hands reaches down to stop her. “It’s not a good time to touch me right now.”

With her wrist trapped, Rey can still move her fingers and she does, lightly around him. A deep shake runs through him and she finds his lips to kiss in just a peck. “I will, I just wanted to feel you. I just wanted to know.”

His hand on her moves and carefully pulls her fingers away. “Next time,” he says like a promise. “Don’t move, I’ll be right back.”

“Where would I go?” Rey says mockingly and gets a quick passing pinch to her side from Kylo as he gets off the bed.

Picking up the face cloth, he carries it into the other room and rinses it off. Wiping himself off quickly, he then shuts off the water and then the light. Moving over to make room for him, Rey feels him join her shortly, his arms slipping around her and pulling her to his chest. She turns towards Kylo and loves when his fingers brush her face softly.

“That wasn’t too bad,” he says lightly.

“No it wasn’t,” she says with a hidden smile but Rey is sure he can hear it in her voice. “Is this what we are going to do now? Fool around after work?”

One of Kylo’s legs moves, slipping in between hers. “Who said it has to be after work?”

Giving his side a quick pinch, half at his remark and half as revenge for his own pinch, he jumps slightly at it. “No,” Rey says firmly. “Work needs to remain as work. Don’t start getting ideas you can just feel me up whenever.”

“So no afternoon delight?” chuckles Kylo at his own joke.

“What is that?” she asks puzzling over the term.

“Nevermind.”

“Tell me,” presses Rey.

A low groan comes from Kylo and she wonders if he rolled his eyes as well at her. “It’s when you have sex in the afternoon. Afternoon delight, get it?”

Her cheeks turn red hot and Rey fidgets a bit in his arms. “Where did you hear that before?”

He shrugs and then pulls her a little tighter into his embrace. “You glance at enough minds over the years, you pick things up.”

“Oh,” breathes out Rey as she wonders about what other things he’s learned. “Is that how you, where you learn to do that with your mouth to me?”

“What?” says Kylo surprised. “No I just… I just paid attention to you. You were pretty vocal and you… you react well to tell.”

Making a low hum that she understands, Rey takes a calming breath that doesn’t do much. “You did well, really, really well.”

“Yeah?” he says and she can hear his smile.

Reaching up, Rey strokes his jaw slowly. “Yes, that was… It had me seeing stars.”

Swallowing audibly, Kylo opens and shuts his mouth a few times before finding his words. “I’m… I’m glad.”

Leaning in to kiss him lightly, Rey strokes his cheek lovingly. “Thank you.”

“I should be saying that to you,” mutters Kylo into her lips.

“You still can,” says Rey warmly.

One of Kylo’s hands slips down and cradles her back, pressing their chests together. Through it Rey can feel his heart beating steadily. “Thank you,” he says softly.

There’s something heavy in his words that she can feel through their bond, which is glowing brightly in her mind. His tone that she still hears clearly, twists into a lonely rumble of thunder that settles somewhere deep within her own chest. It presses against her just like how he is now and she feels herself hold dearly on to it. There’s a slight tremble that shakes her bracelet and it’s quick to draw her attention to it. Even in the darkness, he seems to feel her gaze waver from him.

“What’s wrong?” he asks.

Putting her hand over the bracelet, she tightens her arms around his neck and snuggles in closer to his neck. “Just a little cold,” she lies.

Reaching for the blankets, he pulls them wordlessly up and around them. Rey finds herself quickly smiling again as he moves to tuck them both into it, making a cocoon of warmth. It would be a good moment for her to take her bracelet off, say her name and tell him who she really is but her fear is quickly there, stopping her. Rethinking what to do, Rey let’s it go for now, knowing she still has time until he’ll demand it from her.

“Good night,” she whispers and focuses on enjoying the feeling of being in his arms.

“It has been a good night,” he says warmly and presses a kiss to her forehead.

Shutting her eyes, Rey idly thinks about how much has happened to her. The path she’s taken to bring her to now is a very strange one, but it’s hard for her to see taking any other. Listening to Kylo breathe slowly, his skin warm against hers, and she starts to think of him no longer as her enemy but as her lover.

Voices whispers in the darkness, one strange and two familiar to Rey. Opening her eyes in what she knows to be a dream, she sighs hoping one wouldn’t come tonight. Looking around the room she’s standing in, it’s dark but there’s light coming in from a large window. Taking a slow step forward she sees toys on the floor and it occurs to her she’s in a child’s bedroom.

Voices come suddenly through the wall, they’re muffled but it’s clear they are shouting. Listening to them, it occurs to Rey she knows who they are but a smaller and younger voice speaks, drawing her attention away. 

“They do that a lot,” says a child’s voice.

Looking around in the dark, Rey spots who spoke sitting by the window. Not in front of it, but from a spot next to it where he can still see out of it but remain in the dark. It’s raining out and it’s then she knows who she’s looking at.

“What do they fight about?” she asks softly.

His shoulder shrug and he looks like a shadow hiding in another shadow, but some of the light gives an edge to his young features. “Everything, but mostly me,” he says.

Walking slowly towards him, he doesn’t turn to look at her, just keeps his gaze fix to looking out the window. “Why would they fight about you?” she asks as Rey kneels down before him.

“They’re scared of me,” he whispers and curls his head down into his arms that are wrapped around his legs.

Reaching out, she puts a hand to his shoulder and he flinches at her touch. Pulling her hand quickly back, Rey says “I’m sorry,” and means it for both for what she’s said and done. “Why would they be scared of you?”

He shrugs again and curls down ever deeper into himself. “I don’t know, I guess I sometimes do things that make them unhappy but I… I don’t know what. I wish they’d tell me so I wouldn’t do it anymore. But they don’t and they won’t stop fighting. I’m actually happy now when dad goes away, so mom won't yell at him.”

“Oh sweetheart,” whispers Rey.

Lifting his head up, a child with black fluffy hair and a large scar running across his face looks up at her. “I don’t want him to go, I don’t want mom to go away either. Why can’t they stop? I don’t mean to hurt them.”

Tears fills his eyes and she can’t stand to remain idle any longer. Opening her arms, she pulls him to her into a tight hug. He goes stiff as a rod in her arms but the when Rey gives him a gentle squeeze, he turns to her and buries his face into her. The tears she was expecting don’t come but he does wrap his arms around her neck, awkwardly long even at his current age.

“I think they are going to send me away,” he says with a sniffle. “But my dad wouldn’t do that, he said he loves me.”

“Oh Kylo,” she mutters and strokes his hair hoping to soothe him.

“Who’s Kylo?” he asks into her clothes and lifts his head to look up at her.

“No one,” whispers Rey. “What’s your name?”

Rubbing at his red nose, he worries his lips for a moment between his teeth and then speaks. “Ben, my name is Ben.”

“I’m Rey, it’s nice to meet you Ben,” she says with as much love in her voice as she can bring about.

He tries to smile at her but his mouth can’t seem to hold the shape. Rey runs her hand through his hair again and notices the shouting has stopped. Looking to the door, it opens to a flash of light and Rey finds herself suddenly standing before her old home. The fallen AT-AT looks the same, sitting half sunken into the sand.

Taking a step towards it, she then notices out of the corner of her eye a black shape on the horizon. Looking to it, she’s sure it’s Kylo but in a quick gust of wind, the sand kicks up and he vanishes in it. Knowing there is nothing in her home for her, Rey turns away from it and hurries off to walk up the dunes.

Her feet carry her quickly and she finds herself standing in the spot she saw Kylo standing in. Looking around at the endless sea of sand she doesn’t see anything else out of place. When a small hand grabs on to hers, Rey turns around surprised to see the young Ben holding her hand.

“Rey,” he says. “Where are we?”

 Gripping his hand with hers, she smiles at him and sees the scar is now missing from his face. “This is my home, this is where I grew up.”

He frowns and looks around at all the sand. “It’s hot,” he says bitterly. 

“Yes it is,” laughs Rey and then spots someone coming out of her home. 

A younger her crawls out and brushes the sand from her pants. The older Rey watches in shock but then an idea comes to her. Bending down to Ben, she points at her. “She looks about your age, why don’t you go say hello?” 

Ben looks down to young Rey and then to her. “I don’t know,” he says shyly. “I don’t think she’ll like me.”

Putting her hands on his shoulders, she gives him a reassuring squeeze. “Why not go down and find out if she does? Ask her to show you her parts collection.”

His eyes shifts back and forth then he catches something behind her. Rey glances back and see’s what he’s looking at before turning back to him. “Go on now, before she takes off for the day.”

Looking at the black figure still, fear comes to his eyes but Ben looks to Rey and seems to find some strength in her words. “Ok, but what’s her name?”

“It’s Rey, like mine,” she says with a smile.

Trying to smile again, he does so just a little and then turns and hurries down the sand. Rey watches him go, slipping and half sliding down most of the way. She remains where she is, knowing the black figure walking towards her will arrive soon enough. Watching Ben make it down to the bottom, she laughs lightly as he runs towards the younger Rey.

“What are you doing here?” asks Kylo’s modulated voice from behind her.

“I could ask you that seeing this is Jakku,” she replies without looking at him.

Moving to stand next to her, she hears his robes flap in the wind and Rey has to remind herself this isn’t the Kylo she really knows. This is a dream and here he’s fractured pieces of himself.

“I’m familiar with this garbage heap,” he says flatly. “What I meant was why are you in my dreams?”

“How should I know,” she mutters before laughing again as the younger her falls backwards, startled by the arrival of the young Ben.

“What is going on here?” Kylo darkly hisses.

Looking away from the scene below, Rey looks up to Kylo’s masked face. “I just find myself here, I’ve never wished to share any of this with you.”

Taking a step closer, through the mask’s modulator she hears him growl deeply. “What did you say to him?” he snaps. “He’s not supposed to be here.”

“I don’t think that matter here,” she sighs and takes a quick glance at their younger selves. “But if you’re worried he told me anything I shouldn’t know, he was just upset when I found him, that’s all.” 

A hand wraps around her arm and Rey turns to look up at his looming figure. “I don’t want to see you here again. I want nothing to do with you.”

There’s a sharp pain that stings her and she wonders if he felt it too by the way he slowly lets go of her. “I told you,” says Rey frustrated. “I don’t choose to, I just end up here. Besides, you won't remember this.”

“What?” says Kylo and then she feels him searching himself and then her.

She allows him to slip in and see for himself and then regrets what she’s done by how his shoulders start to slump. The heavy weight of truth settles upon him and she feels pain beating in time with his heart. Part of her wants to reach out and comfort him, another wants to ignore his pain and let him deal with it alone.

“I won't remember it’s you,” he says finally. “That you’re Osira actually.”

“No,” says Rey. “I don’t remember most of these dreams myself but as far as I know, you won't remember anything. Snoke took that away from you.”

There’s a mechanical hiss and Rey looks to see Kylo drop his mask on to the sand. His eyes look dark and tired. “I can’t even dream anymore,” he mutters weakly. “No wonder I’m so tried.”

“You are?” she asks.

Looking at her for a moment, Kylo then stares down at the two children talking in a very animated way. “Yes, I won’t dare tell or show you it though, so it’s a shame you won’t remember this either. Maybe you could have done something about it.”

“Like what?” mutters Rey as she takes a careful step towards him.

He shakes his head and blinks slowly. “It doesn’t matter, all of this is just a form of torment for me.”

A snowflake floats past Rey’s nose and as she turns to look up to the sky it turns dark. The stars bloom forth and the night sky fills with falling snow but there isn’t a cloud in the sky. Looking back down to her home, she sees no one next to it and its then she knows the other her and Ben are gone.

“Don’t,” says Kylo. “Don’t feel sad for them because that never happened.”

Turning to look at him, she frowns. “Don’t tell me what to feel,” she says fiercely.

“I wasn’t, I just don’t like seeing you upset.”

“What?” breathes out Rey as looks to Kylo confused.

The snow falling starts to gather on his shoulders, dusting him in white. “I know who you are here, how do you think I feel about you? I’ve only told you I love you.”

Taking another step closer to him, Kylo holds up a hand and stops Rey where she is. “I also hate you, because of who you really are. I wasn’t lying when I said I want nothing to do with you. But this is my fate, isn’t it? To be trapped by decisions that aren’t mine?”

“That’s not true,” she says quickly. “You always have a choice with me.”

 “Do I?” snaps Kylo. “Because I don’t feel like I do.” 

Lifting her arm up, she points away from them both. “If you want to go, walk away. Just go. It’s your choice to do so.” 

A dark and bitter laugh comes from Kylo and he pushes one of his glove covered hands through his hair. “You really are blind sometimes, it’s quite funny actually. I can’t just walk away. That’s not how this works, not for me. You’re just like everyone else I’ve ever know, you pretend to give me a real choice but there is nothing real about any of this. I’m talking to you in a kiffing dream.”

Reaching out for him, Kylo takes a quick step back and gives her a sharp glare. “Don’t,” he warns, keeping the distance between them. 

“See,” says Rey softly. “You still have choices.”

“And what if I choose to hate you? That this love I feel isn’t enough?” he says as he carefully watches her.

“Then hate me,” she sighs. “Even if I haven’t told you about me yet, can you honestly try and tell me I haven’t been trying to make sure it’s been your choice all along about this between us. I know Kylo, I understand that about you.” 

“You know nothing,” he growls.

Throwing her arms up, she shakes her head at him. “Of course I don’t, not about you, but I know enough. Enough for me to make the choice to love you when I should hate you. You’ve made that choice too, I know it. I heard it in your voice tonight.”

The reminder of what they have done stirs something in him and Kylo’s anger slowly fizzles away. “I’m not going to handle it well when I find out,” he says a little sadly. “It’s not going to be like this, just talking it out.”

“I know,” says Rey softly. “All I can do is just try and be ready for it.”

“You won't be,” he says but then moves to close the distance between them.

Rey lets him approach and he reaches out to gently hold her by her elbows. “You we’re right before, it’s never going to be easy for us.”

Smiling softly, she reaches out and puts her hands on his waist. “No it won’t, but I said so long as we want the same thing, we can work it out. I believe that.”

Feeling her emotions and sensing the truth in her words, Kylo pulls her forward into a gentle hug. Slipping her arms around him, his own wrap around her. Turning her head, Rey rests it on his chest and shuts her eyes. “I’m not going to give up on you,” she whispers.

“For once, you’re stubbornness is going to be your best weapon,” he says warmly and leans down to rest his chin to her head. “I wish you luck, you’ll need it with me.”

Nodding a few times, Rey gives him a squeeze then lifts her head to look up. “I’ll do my best, I’m good at waiting.”

There’s softening in his eyes and then Kylo glances up and down at her old home. “Waiting,” he repeats and she feels him touch a spot in her memories. “You… You made so many marks waiting.”

Reaching out, Kylo touches a wall with white grooves in it and Rey looks around to see they are now standing in the fallen AT-AT. Pulling away from him, Kylo lets her go and pulls his other hand away from her daily counting.

“This is where you lived?” he asks. “Alone?”

“Yes,” says Rey quietly. “Everyday I would go find parts for proportions. Everyday I waited for my family that never came. Sometimes I would starve for days, others I would learn the hard way not to trust people. Everyday was hard, everyday was a struggle. Look down on me if you want but this is me. Waiting in a rusted old thing I made into a home.”

“But’s that’s not you anymore,” says Kylo as he looks around. “You left.”

Picking up the doll she made, Rey smiles sadly at it and then puts it back in its spot. “Your father did end up leaving you somewhere, didn’t he?” she asks.

“I told you once, he would have disappoint you,” he speaks quietly as he looks down at her dried desert flower.

“Maybe, but it’s not like I had any father at all. Even a bad one I would have taken.”

Looking to her, Rey meets his stare and both of their words fall silent. In these dreams they are both raw and open to one another and Rey shivers from it. “Is that why we are together?” she asks low and frighten. “Because we are both so desperate for it?”

“No,” says Kylo softly. “It’s why we understand one another but that’s not why.”

Relief over washes her and Kylo must feel it too because he gather hers back into his arms. Much like what she did to Ben, he slowly runs a hand over her head and hair. “We’re together because it’s good for both of us, that we have a chance to try and fix some of the damage done to us both through it.”

Pressing her face to his chest, Rey reaches up and grabs his scarf and holds tightly on to it. “I don’t want to be alone anymore,” she whispers into his robes.

“I know,” he mutters into her hair and then kisses the crown of her head. “I can feel it here, the connection between us. You see it so… so beautifully, I had no idea. I can see it now, what it means, that we’re connected. A piece of me will always be with you, just like how you are now in me.”

Lifting her head up, their lips meet and they kiss slowly. “I wish you could remember this,” says Rey. “So things could be ok.” 

“It will be,” whispers Kylo. “Just don’t give up on me, on us.”

“I won’t,” she says as a promise to him and he must know it because Kylo starts to smile slightly.

“I do remember one thing,” he says quietly. “The house in the meadow.” 

Her eyes light up and a mixture of fear and joy spreads through Rey. “You,” she tries to say but her words fail her. 

Pulling away, Kylo puts his hand out between them. “Let’s go, while there’s still time.”

She looks down at his hand and feels so unsure to take it or not. “But what… that was just a dream. That… can that even happen?”

“Does it really matter? Do you want to or not?” he asks.

There’s this strange surge of hope within Rey, it ends up being too much that it scares her, but it is just a dream. Slowly putting her hand into his, they barely walk a step backwards before there is green grass all around them. It distracts her, the color so rich and vivid it holds her gaze as Kylo pulls her along through it. Reaching out to touch it again, then sun feels good on her skin and the world smells fresh and alive. 

Looking ahead, she see’s Kylo’s back but his black robes are gone, replaced with something in a deep grey and with far less layers than he normally wear. He doesn’t seem to notice the change and she looks down at her own clothes, finding them in a different style but something she would wear nonetheless.

Walking up and over a small hill, the house peeks out from the grass and she watches the front door open. In the doorway stands the same little girl she saw with Kylo before. Her face lights up when she spots them and she’s leaves the house like a flash. Running towards them, Rey feels Kylo’s hand grip hers tightly and pull her along ever faster. 

Grabbing at his wrist with her other hand, she pulls back and stops them. He looks back to her confused and Rey shakes her head. “I,” she tries to say. “This is too much.”

His face falters and he takes a quick look to the girl still hurrying to them. Turning back to Rey, he moves in closer to her and touches her face with his bare hands. “It’s ok,” he says softly. “Just trust me.”

“What if she doesn’t like me?” Rey pleads as fear grips her heart. “I ran away before.”

“Rey,” he breathes out and she shivers at hearing her name from his voice. “You’ve come this far, don’t stop now.”

Pushing away her worries, she nods slowly and watches as Kylo steps away to lead her on again. A few meters away from them waits the little girl, standing on the path through the grass. Her eyes are bright and she looks at the two of them with an eagerness only a child can have.

They walk slowly towards her and Kylo carefully pulls her ahead to go first. “Say hello,” he whispers.

She looks back at him and then to who is supposed to be their daughter. Looking the girl over, she looks no older than seven or eight and she shares both of their looks. Her hair is a deep brown, full but pulled back into a ponytail. There’s something cunning in her eyes already and Rey knows that’s its from her, but her nose is distinctly her father's.

Tears comes to Rey’s eyes and she bends down to open her arms to her. The little girl runs to her and jumps into her arms. Pulling her closer, she wastes no time putting several kisses to her face before lifting up and off the ground.

“You made,” she says in the sweetest voice Rey has ever heard.

“I’m sorry,” Rey mutters into her hair that smells like the sun. “Did I make you wait?”

Shaking her head, the little girl looks up to her and Rey stares down into her warm brown eyes. “No, it’s ok if I did. It’s not time yet, so it’s fine mom.”

There’s something mature about her tone that it breaks her heart slightly. “What do you mean by that?” asks Rey.

Leaning her head on to Rey’s chest, she does her best to hug her back. “You’ll see. I’m just happy you’re here. We’ll you’re not, not really but that doesn’t matter. It’s hard to explain.”

Looking up to Kylo, Rey doesn’t understand at all and he just shrugs at her equally clueless. Reaching down, he runs a hand over the young girl's head and she looks up and smiles at him. “No I can’t tell you that,” she says before Kylo can even ask a question.

His eyes narrow and she starts to laugh in Rey’s arms. “That either, it’s a secret.”

Rey’s eyes flicker between the two and she frowns a little frustrated that she feels out of the loop. “What am I missing here?” she asks.

“Not much,” both Kylo and the little girl say at the same time.

Carefully putting her down, a wave of dizziness washes over Rey and she wipes at some sweat at her brow. Looking at on her hands, she finds it strange she’s sweating at all if this is a dream. “I think I need to sit down,” she says a little breathless.

A small hand grabs her and pulls. “Come on mom, this way. You can sit down in the kitchen and then we can have tea and I’ll show you the house.”

Another hand grabs her other, this one larger and warmer. Rey looks up to Kylo and he looks oddly content. The three of them walk to the house and this time Rey makes it inside. It’s a simple looking house but there is something very warm about it. It’s missing many of the hard sharp edges she would expect and instead is made up of soft curves. Inside she’s lead through a front entrance way and then to the right into an open kitchen. There’s a mixture of light colors and rich dark woods as the décor. Rey knows she loves it the longer she looks at it all.

Plants sit in small pots and litter variety of shelves around the room, bringing in the green she loves in from the outside. She doesn’t get to linger long before she pulled further in and over to a large table.

“Sit, sit,” insists the girl who pulls and then pushes her into a chair.

“Do you need help?” asks Kylo but he too gets shoved by her to sit down.

Falling into the seat next to Rey, he looks at her with bright eyes and an amused smirk on his lips. If Rey didn’t know any better, she could swear he looked like he was having fun.

Grabbing a stool, the little girl drags it over to a counter top and climbs on top of it. “Are you sure you don’t,” Rey starts to ask but she turns her head around and glares at her.

“I can do it,” she says forcefully and then turns to hit a button on a kettle. 

“She gets that from you,” mutters Kylo who looks to be trying not to smile.

Turning to stare at him, Rey huffs. “Oh no, that would be from you,” she says poking him in the shoulder.

“I’m not the bossy one,” he says and she lets out a quick bark of a laugh that she doesn’t believe him. 

“Pull the other one while you’re at it,” she mutters.

The kettle starts to whistle and they both look with worry as their daughter as she pulls it off its stand. She sets it down and reaches for a teapot near by and then a metal tin. Scooping out the tea, she puts it in the pot and then pours in the hot water.

“Who taught you how to do that?” asks Rey. 

“You did,” she says over her shoulder and set the kettle back down. “But dad is showing me how to cook.”

Looking back to Kylo, there’s a hint of a blush on his cheeks. “You can cook?” she whispers to him.

He glances at her and their daughter but then watches she carries the teapot carefully over to them between two towels. “Yes, I can actually,” he says quietly. 

“It’s hot,” the girl says as she pushes it toward them. “And it needs to… to steep. So don’t touch it yet.”

“I’m not that bossy,” mutters Rey and a quick and sharp huff comes from Kylo.

“Yes you are,” he says and watches as cups are now carried over to the table too.

“You’re very good at this,” Rey says warmly and gets a bright and brilliant smile in return from her.

“Thank you,” she says cheerfully and then hurries to get what else they’ll need. 

Stopping in the middle of the kitchen, she looks up and then turns back to them. “Oh no, but I didn’t get to show you the house yet,” she says suddenly sad.

Panic rushes through her and Rey feels it course through Kylo too. “What’s wrong?” they ask together and share a questioning glance between each other.

“You have to go now,” she says. “Oh! I didn’t get to tell you my name! I forgot!”

Opening her eyes, Rey feels her chest heave to take in air, reaching up she finds her cheeks wet. The dream plays back quickly in a mess of images and noise, some parts she can grab onto and recall, others quickly melt away like ice on hot sand. The warm body around her twitches and she hears Kylo mumble softly in his sleep but its too low and muffled to understand. Reaching out to touch his face, he shifts slightly and tries to wrap himself further around her.

The idea of tea with a young girl sticks in her mind and Rey can also recall that same house again. The rest of the details remain fuzzy and only grow worse as sleep starts to pull her back into his claws. Thinking of a black shadow standing next to her, tall and dark but very familiar. Rey knows the black is wrong though, that it should be a deep grey and as she drifts off again, she thinks of the prettiest brown she’s ever seen. A smell of sunshine lingers in the air and Rey wonders where it’s from but feels so content from it alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter took a while to get out, I ended up rewriting it over a few times until it felt right.
> 
> Bonus: Now I just feel beyond spoiled by all this fan art. [The newest piece to add to my growing collection is by the-ship-wars-in-our-stars.](https://the-ship-wars-in-our-stars.tumblr.com/post/142783664836/reylo-crack-sketch-dump-glassesreylo-high-school)


	26. World On Fire

Waking to sound of the morning alarm, it comes muffled through the walls in a soft but still booming echo. Rey opens her eyes as Kylo stirs next to her. “Is it time to get up?” he asks, his voice low and rough from sleep.

“No,” whispers Rey. “We start this afternoon.”

“Good,” he mutters and buries his head back into the pillow. “I’m getting a few more hours then.” 

“You do that,” she says gently and feels his arm slip over her waist.

She’s pulled closer to Kylo and Rey allows herself to be manhandle as he presses them closely together. Sleep won't return to her now but Rey is fine with just laying as she is. There’s still so much to process and having some quiet time with her own thoughts will be more than beneficiary. The sound of Kylo falling back to sleep is made up of his breathing slowing down and a low muttering of nonsense briefly. The fingers on her hip lightly curl and clutch at her skin, Rey soaks in how it feels with him curled around her. It’s almost as if Kylo is trying to draw comfort from her rather than just hold her close. Turning her head, she places a soft kiss to the crown of Kylo’s head as form of payment for staying so close to her.

The past day and half feels like she’s been laying in bed for so much longer, but Rey doubts a time such as yesterday will happen again. Their words and what they’ve done play back in her mind, filling her heart with an intense warmth that is hard to put into words. It also leaves Rey with the knowledge that Kylo feels like a inescapable force in her life, one she’s given up mostly the fight against. Her mind easily then starts to wonder about things like fate and the will of the Force. Luke had spoken about it to her, on how to can exhibit itself in many ways. With the bond between them, she ponders on if this is one of those ways. The stars that lied come to mind but the memory has degraded even further and she finds herself struggling to recall much of anything. It’s frustrating to Rey that these dreams she keeps having don’t want to remain in her head, almost seeming like it’s as if something is plucking it from her.

The hazy images her mind seems useless to hold on to halt in their degradation and begin to flow backwards. It happens suddenly, one piece of a missing puzzle coming sharp into view followed by another, The lost memory being found on its own and for no real reason other than she’s thought of it. Rey recalls a house in a meadow, a large hand in hers, and a little girl waiting. Breathing out slowly, a few words linger in her mind and shakes her to her core. She can see the girl’s face in her mind, her brown hair and eyes, her strong nose and rosy cheeks, but not her name. The girl had looked to her and then to who was standing beside her. As if sensing her thoughts, Kylo’s hand flexes and curls as he twitches in his sleep.

‘ _She was… my daughter_ ,’ Rey thinks to herself. ‘ _Our daughter._ ’

The words feel alien just to think of and Rey quickly recalls how this only one possible outcome. Her dream holds some truth, that much she knows, but there is no way of knowing if it’s her future or another Rey’s. Feeling Kylo’s breathe out on to her shoulder, Rey tries to imagine him as a father and feels more than uneasy about the idea. It was clear enough that he had been through so much and still suffered greatly from its effects now, to be in charge of the care of a child in his state currently would be beyond stupid. A child wasn’t even something she ever even thought about, not until now, not until she knows clearly she’s dreamt of having one. There is a small feeling of loss that crops up, a hole for someone that may never be hers and doesn’t even know.

The feelings she has for Kylo are certain but the dream only serves to confuse and torment her. Them settling down and being happy, it something so far out of the realm of possibility it’s truly laughable. Rey doesn’t laugh, she just lays still and ponders on what any of this could mean for her. There is a bit of hope in the mess, that knowing of one such path exists means there is a real chance she could make a real life for herself. Using that bit of hope, she molds it into a promise only she’ll know.

Reaching down to her hip, Rey covers Kylo’s hand with her own and turns her head to kiss him once again. Silently in her mind she makes the promise to try and save him, from himself, from Snoke, and from whatever else he’s sure to drag along in his wake he’s cut through the galaxy already. It’s a rather foolish promise, that much Rey knows, but her heart feels it could be worth it in the end. Just to see for a moment what sort of man Kylo could be away from everything that seems to hurt him, for that alone she might do great and terrible things. 

Even after she leaves him and the Starkiller base, Rey knows she won’t abandon him. There is a real difference she can provide to Kylo, a path to something else instead of the one carved out for him by others. She still needs to be careful, to never fall into the same trappings as those others. It always has to be his choice and whatever that is, she’ll deal with it as he makes them. The bond between them hums, warm and shining in her mind like a golden thread. Rey touches it lightly and thinks on how much stronger it’s become since she first sensed it. Kylo’s emotions are ever present, a tide that sweeps in and out in her mind. It’s comforting at times to feel as it eases the loneliness still nestled deep within her.

With plenty of time left until Rey needs to get up and dress, she falls into a deep mediation to reflect even further. It does help, gives her the mental space to sort and organize her thoughts neatly, which she does in a practiced and methodical way. Even if she doesn’t have an answer for all her questions, it feels good to have a place for them in her mind until she can find their conclusions. Time slips easily by and it’s only when Kylo begins to stir that Rey wakes in a way too. Looking down at the watch on her bracelet, it glows faintly as a kiss is pressed to her skin and the arm around her tightens.

“We have a little over an hour to dress and eat,” Rey says softly.

“You’re still here,” mutters Kylo, his lips brushing against her again. 

Turning towards him, she shifts her whole body to lie on her side facing him. Kylo takes advantage of this change to gather her closer to him. “Why do you sound surprised about that?” she asks.

His fingers slowly creep up her back, gently and with a feather light touch. “I figured you would have snuck out and been dressed by now,” he mutters through a yawn.

Rey shrugs in his arms and knows they will have to part soon. “I rather enjoy where I am right now, so why would I?”

There is a soft chuckle that comes from him and it leaves her smiling ever so slightly. Pulling himself a bit closer, Kylo presses a kiss to Rey’s cheek. “Play time’s over now,” he whispers. “And we both need hit the refresher.”

Sighing slightly, Rey asks, “Are you going to look this time?”

Giving her a quick squeeze, Kylo pulls himself away and she instantly misses his warmth. “That was you who looked first,” he says as he gets out the bed.

Sitting up, Rey hears him move about and then the light in the other room clicks on. The door shuts before she can see anything but a bit of light that seeps out from underneath, providing just enough for her to get up and see by. Rey wiggles her way out of the blankets and starts searching for her nightclothes. They are all over the floor mixed with Kylo’s, one by one she pulls them on before moving to her locker to pull out a fresh set of work clothes. She can her him going through his own morning routine of shaving and cleaning his teeth. He wakes back out naked to gathering his own clothes but she does her best not to look or stare. With the other room free, she hurries into it and brushes her teeth. It’s shortly after they both find themselves standing before the door to leave. 

Reaching for the controls, Rey’s hand hovers as an odd ripple comes for Kylo, pulling her attention to him. She looks up just in time to catch him reaching for her shoulder. His hand slips up and over it to grab gently at her neck. A careful thumb brushes against her skin and his mouth descents down to hers, a delightful shiver runs down her spine. Rey meets him halfway by lifting her chin higher so their lips can brush gently together. Time slows in the kiss, stretching out to one long heartbeat that she feels so completely in one perfect moment. Something deep inside whispers to Rey, telling her she’ll never forget this and knows it to be true.

When they part from just a simple kiss, she feels changed in the span of a single moment. Her promise hardens, attaching itself to a place on one of her ribs. If she were ever to try and remove it, Rey knows surely bleed out from the wound. Fear would a sensible reaction to such an idea but instead she smiles and see’s Kylo respond with a brightening of his eyes, his own way of smiling without smiling.

When they leave their room in their nightclothes that are just shirts and pants bottoms, they don’t look out of place in the work’s dorm hallway. It can be at all hours of the day that people will walk the hall the very same attire to reach the refresher. When they arrive there are already a few people inside, some getting undressed but none seem to have made it under the water yet. Rey moves to her locker but as she opens the door, she notices the woman next to her dressing back into her clothes again. Watching for a moment, she then feels Kylo moving the Force around the room in a thin web of power. Turning to look back over her shoulder, the other workers are all doing the same thing, dressing and then moving to leave. One by one they clear out until it’s only her and Kylo left.

“So that’s how you do it,” she says.

“I’m not washing with this thing on, and I’m not going to try and explain why I have it on,” says Kylo as he pulls off his wig.

Turning back to her locker, Rey pulls off her shirt. “How often do you do that sort of thing?” she asks while putting her top away. 

“More times than I know you would like,” he mutters while undressing. “But I can assure you, it’s all been necessary.”

“I’m sure it has,” she groans while rolling her eyes. 

Shutting his locker, Rey listens to the sound of Kylo’s bare feet on the title floor as he turns around to face her back. “They’ll be back in fifteen minutes, it’s not like I’m keeping them from washing up.”

Pulling down her underwear, Rey’s face feels hot as she knows Kylo’s stare upon her. “I thought we weren’t looking at one another?”

“Why bother with that now, seeing as what we did last night,” he says sounding thoroughly amused.

Naked and with her back still to him, Rey shuts the locker and rests her hands against it. “So if I turn around right now, you’ll be fine if I look at you?”

“Seems only fair,” he huffs but then she hears him start to walk away.

Turning to look, she gets the same view as she’s seen before in their room but now in the stark lighting of the refresher it’s hard to miss a single detail of his skin. His scars stick out in the bluish greenish light, white lines carved into his skin that contrast with the dark spatter of moles that remind her of star constellations.

Knowing time is now something to keep careful track of, Rey walks into the large shower area and takes her spot on the other side of the room. With her head under the water she misses Kylo walking next to her and then jumps slightly when she notices his large figure. Staring up at him, he turns on the water and starts to shower right next to her.

“What are you doing?” she hisses.

He glances at her before reaching for a bottle on the shelf before him. “I thought you wanted to look.” 

Only because Kylo mentioned it is why Rey’s eyes flicker down and then quickly back up. There is a shining glint to his eyes that only grow as he sees her look. Holding out the shampoo bottle, Kylo pours some into his hand then reaches over easily with his long arms to smear some on her head. Rey smack his hand away as he chuckles.

“I can do it myself,” she shouts. “Keep to your side!”

He flicks the extra off his hand towards her elbow and Rey frowns in disgust. Taking a quick step towards him, he tries to back away but her hand shoots out like a whip, hitting him right on the ass.

“What the _kriiff?_!” he shouts but Kylo’s anger is clearly faked as a boyish smile tries to fight its way on to his lips.

“Stop foolish around,” she chides and then moves back towards her showerhead to wash her hair.

Moving the shampoo around on her scalp, Rey mutters, “You’re in a good mood.”

Having put some in his own hair, Kylo scrubs at his black locks. “It happens,” he says in a warm and light tone, his good mood clearly in his voice.

“I doubt that,” grumbles Rey as she moves to rinse off her head. “I wonder why that is?”

Dipping his own head under the shower, he speaks up in a chuckle. “You tell me.” 

Pushing her hair and bangs back, Rey runs a hand down her face to wipe some of the water away. “As nice as it is to see, you _are_ going to behave when we’re working, _right_?”

Picking up the next bottle, Kylo brushes back his wet hair with a sweep of his hand and Rey feels her heart start to race. He looks at her like she’s at the center of something impossibly large and then squirts some conditioner at her body. 

“Stop that!” Rey shouts again as he laughs like he’s starting to remember how to.

Picking up her shampoo bottle she throws it at him and it hits with a wet smack. “Why are you so violent?” he chuckles with a smile full of teeth.

“Me?” she scoffs. “I’m not the violent one here.”

“Could have fooled me,” says Kylo and then squirts a little more conditioner towards her feet.

This time Rey throws a hard block of soap that hits him so hard in the back when he turns away, she’s sure he’ll have a bruise later from the strike. “ _Kriff_!” Kylo shouts before moving his hand to wave through the air, shutting her water off completely.

Letting out a frustrated growl, she moves the few steps to reach him and pushes Kylo out from under his own showerhead. He looks offended but Rey just ignores it and holds out her hand. Some conditioner is dropped into her palm and she quickly runs it through her hair while not looking at him. The other shower turns back on but Rey makes no move to go back to it. Sighing loudly, Kylo walks around and calmly finishes cleaning himself. They finish about the same time and Rey tries to shake some of the water off her body before walking over to the table with the towels.

Wrapping a large white towel around her body, she uses a smaller one to dry her short hair. Bending her head down to rub at the back of her head, Kylo’s hips come into view as he walks up next to her. She gets a clear view of everything and freezes as he pulls a towel off the table to wrap it around his waist. Her whole body flushes and she’s sure half of the water clinging to her will just turn to steam soon.

Attending to her hair again, Rey rushes to her locker and hopes putting her clothes on as quickly as possible will calm her down. Tugging each piece on, her hair is mostly dry by the time she’s done and thankfully Kylo is mostly dressed when she digs out a comb. Running it through in quick strokes, Rey let’s it remain damp to finish air-drying and then reaches her glasses. Slipping them on, she shuts the door and takes a slow breath out to steady herself. Another door shuts and she looks back to see Kylo now changed completely back into being Matt. It throws her for a moment how different he looks, gone is his confidence that is replaced with a nervous looking man with slumped shoulders. He pushes up his glasses that have already slipped down and looks to Rey.

“Ready?” he asks, his voice firm and steady despite how sheepish he looks.

“Yeah,” breathes out Rey and they leave together, passing the people Kylo sent away before on the way out. 

They stop first at the dispatch desk that’s free of any people waiting before it. The woman today at the counter is chatting with a co worker when they approach. Rey gives her name and she’s handed their work sheet with barely a look from the woman. Scanning it over, the work is light but since it’s only a half shift for them today, she knows it’s to be expected.

“So what do you think?” says the woman suddenly from behind the counter.

Looking up, Rey sees the two female dispatch workers waiting for her to answer. “About what?” she questions back.

The woman rolls her eyes and the other shakes her head. “About the transfer, you have checked your messages, right?” 

“Of course,” she says standing up a little taller and holding the worksheet at her side. “I don’t know, I just do what I’m told.” 

The two women share a look and then glance at Kylo who is standing silently behind Rey. “What about you?” the second woman speaks up towards him.

He shrugs at them and they both look put off by his obvious lack of interest in the need to gossip. Turning away, Rey touches Kylo’s elbow lightly and leads him away. She hands over the work sheet for him to look at it and he returns it just a minute later having done so.

When they reach the mess hall it’s packed with workers, Rey looks down at her watch and grumbles about it being the peak lunch hour. They push their way through the bustling crowd and join the long food line begrudgingly. Shuffling along side by side, their elbows bump into the people next to them and each other. When they are a few people away from getting their meal, Kylo leans down near Rey’s ear.

“Where are we going to sit?” he asks.

She looks up at him, baffled slightly. “This coming from the man who just cleared out the refresher.”

“It’s harder to do that here without being noticed, also too many minds,” says Kylo keeping his voice low. 

“We’ll be fine,” she whispers, hoping to reassure him.

After getting their food, Kylo’s fears are valid as all the tables are packed. Looking around Rey hopes to recognize someone’s face but it’s hard to as everyone is mostly hunched over eating. One person gets up from a table and Rey nudges Kylo’s elbow.

“Over there,” she says, lifting her chin to point.

They hurry over but another man slips in and sits down before they can get there. Rey growls and then starts looking for another spot but Kylo besides her marches over to the man.

“We were going to sit there,” he says. 

The man looks up and shrugs before picking up his fork. “Sorry, I got here first.”

There’s a low growl coming from him but Rey is quickly there to try and get him to move along. “Hey, come on now,” she says soothingly. “There’s no need to fight.”

“Osira!” shouts a voice from across the room and she turns to see Amaza waving at her.

“Oh no, not with her,” groans Kylo.

“Yes with her,” smiles Rey as she walks away towards the still waving woman.

Amaza nudges the people around her and somehow makes room for them both to fit on either side of her. She puts an arm around Rey and Kylo watches as she’s pulled into a hug. “Hey girl,” says Amaza fondly.

“Thanks for doing this,” Rey mutters with a nervous laugh. “I’ve never seen it so busy before.”

“Everyone’s schedules are all over the place thanks to this mess, and now with this transfer, it’s chaos,” sighs Amaza before she turns to look at Kylo.

Leaning into him, she gives him a nudge with her arm before whispering, “It’s all good now with our girl here now?”

Holding his fork up with a bit of food on it, Kylo nods and then lifts it to his mouth. Amaza gives his shoulder a pat and points at him. “You’re a good man Matt ,” she says. “You treat her right or else you gotta deal with me. You hear me?”

Choking slightly on his food, he swallows it down and blinks in surprise. “What?” coughs Kylo.

Looking to Rey, Amaza finds her digging into her food like her normal self and then looks back to Kylo. “Look, I’m not going to say anything. I like you two, just don’t hurt her, ok? This place is pretty big but you’ll see how small it can be once a girl scorns you. You get me?” 

He opens his mouth to answer but Amaza gives him a fierce stare. “Yeah… Yeah I get you,” mumbles Kylo before hurrying back to eating his own food.

“Good,” she says with a smile and picks up her own fork. “Just make sure to be safe when you start bumping and grinding together. She maybe on the pill but you gotta be careful still.” 

Kylo starts choking again and half the table looks at him this time as his face goes completely red. He glares at Amaza who laughs loudly with an effortless warmth. Rey looks up from her food, only for a moment, but there’s spark of joy in her gaze at the ribbing of Kylo. 

Their first job of the day is just a simple replacement swap that Rey takes the lead on. Standing in an alcove off of one of the halls, there is a long maintenance tunnel to her right and Kylo is at her left, his broad shoulders blocking them in easily. Taking off a large metal panel, she sets it down and rather likes the privacy that Kylo’s large figure provides.

“Can I ask you something?” she says softly while her eyes roam over the exposed innards of circuitry.

“Sure,” he says easily as he lifts his arms up to rest against a set of pipes, further blocking Rey in even more.

Looking up towards him, she notices there is something sharp and hard missing from his gaze. It makes her wonder if it’s because of her or if it’s him feeling more comfortable about their current situation.

“Do you dream?” she asks, trying to sounding as casual as she can about her question.

Kylo’s brow pinch slightly down and together, Rey turns back to her work but still feels the deep swirls of thought rolling off of him. “No I don’t, well… I think I do,” he says low enough for only her to hear. “I don’t remember them but sometimes I wake up sweating or angry at nothing. I’m sure it’s for the best if I don’t actually. Why do you ask? Bad dreams?”

Finding the board they need to replace, she works her hands into the small space to disengage the locks holding it in place. It’s a job Kylo wouldn’t easily be able to do with his large hands but it’s perfect for Rey.

“No,” she says equally low as his voice. “At least I don’t think so. Ever since I’ve arrived here I can only recall strange bits and sections of them. I would dream I think regularly before, some nights yes, others no.”

“Are you asking me this to make conversation or is this actually bothering you?” says Kylo getting right to the point.

Pulling the board free from its seat, Rey doesn’t fully pull it out but lets it rest where it is. She takes a moment to ponder her answer before leaving the open panel to turn her body towards him. He’s so close that she doesn’t even need to take a single step to reach him. Kylo watches her silently as Rey reaches for his vest and opens a pocket. Of course she has the same tool on herself but she looks up with a teasing smirk. 

“A little of both,” mutters Rey as she enjoys how he tries to lean closer down to her.

Moving away before he can, Rey puts her hands back into the open panel and starts snipping the wires free that keeps her from replacing the board. “I’m sure it’s just the stress of change, I just know what I have been dreaming about has been vastly different than what I normally do.”

A low hum comes from Kylo and lifts his head up a moment to take a look down the hallway behind him. “What do you normally dream about?” he mutters and then looks in the other direction before back at her. 

Rey shrugs her shoulders and pulls the damaged board out. “Places I’ve never been to but want to go to, and just old memories mostly. I had a very strange dream the other night, I’m sure you were there in it too but I can’t recall clearly. It’s more like a feeling of you than seeing you.”

“Me?” says Kylo softly and unsure.

Bending down to the small box holding the new board, Rey opens it and nods. The work gives her time to think about if she should tell him or not. It’s a risk, but one that could help her test the waters for other things to come she needs to say. Her real name still sits heavy in her mind but she trusts her instincts, knows when the time will be right she’ll just know it. 

Holding the board in her hands carefully, Rey remains bent down while looking at it. “I had one dream we had a child, I’ve never had a dreamed of anything like that before,” she confesses and waits for his reaction to it to wash over her.

There’s a deep turning of all sorts of emotions and a heavy silence hangs between them but she waits it out. “What?” breathes out Kylo surprised. “Is that what’s bothering you? I can tell you right now you don’t need to worry about that because it wont ever be happening.” 

Turning her head up, she looks at him a little shocked. “What makes you say that?”

His gaze is dark and serious behind his glasses, Kylo’s mouth is turn down into a deep frown. “I don’t exactly scream family man Osira,” he says sharply. “So if that dream gave you some foolish hope for something like that with me then you can cut that out right now. It’s never going to happen, not with me. I’m too…”

“Too what?” ask Rey as she slowly stands.

He looks away from her and down towards his feet. “I’m not going to spell it out, you know enough. I could never be a father and the faster we drop this the better.”

Reaching out for him, she softly touches his cheek with her free hand. “Hey,” says Rey gently. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you, but you’re not hopeless. Even if you feel that way.”

Scoffing at her, Kylo shakes his head and keeps looking down. “Don’t try and become an optimist on me, it doesn’t suit you.”

“I’m not,” she insists firmly and then takes his chin into her hand, pulling it up to get him to look at her. 

Their eyes meet and Rey holds steady on to the calm she’s trying to emit to Kylo. “You’re not, if you were you wouldn’t be here right now. You didn’t need just space to think did you? You want to change, your life, you, something, but you want it. So don’t count things out, you don’t know what the future holds.”

His eyes narrow on her and Rey feels a storm raging inside of him. “When did you try and become all wise?” he says a bit mockingly. 

Smiling easily, she pats his cheek and turns away from Kylo. Slipping the new board in, Rey starts to lock it down into place. “Maybe I’ve been wise this whole time,” she jokes.

Kylo huffs but she can hear the hint of a smile in it. “Sure,” he mutters. 

The next few days slip by quickly, work keeps them busy and the base remains in a buzz with people rushing from one job to the next. Rey and Kylo usually end up at the end of each day back in their room rather tired, but they talk quietly before falling asleep in each other arms. They don’t fool around anymore but they do share more than a few long kisses randomly. In the mornings before they leave for the day, Rey does notice something changing in Kylo. It starts in his eyes, like most of his expressions, before slowly spreading out to the rest of his face to turn into small warm smiles. He looks at her in these little passing glances and her sharp eyes almost never miss one. 

Their routine is comforting but not to the point Rey ever forgets her real job. Sending out another report from the abandoned hanger, this one she’s a bit proud of compared to the last sparse report she sent previously. It contains pages of information about the current status of the base and some major weak points she’s seen. Kylo barely bats an eye when she tells him what she needs to do and even goes with her. As the data uploads slowly, Rey watches Kylo from on top of a box as he slowly walks the perimeter of the hanger.

When the datapad beeps it’s finished, she looks down at it but something bright flashes in the corner of her eye. Looking up quickly, Rey thinks she sees two figures moving but there is nothing there. Shaking off the image, she powers down the data pad and they leave together, talking quietly about something Peter brought up during lunch that day.

It’s the day of them moving to their new room, and section, is the day Rey wake up feeling the time is finally right to tell him. Something has clicked in her mind, and when she looks to Kylo rolling over next to her to get up, Rey knows today is the day. They dress normally but she stops him at the door with a light touch to his arm.

“We need to talk tonight,” she says with a strange and unfounded confidence. “I need to tell you something." 

Kylo looks at her baffled but then his eyes light up as he gets her meaning. “Really?” he says and Rey nods. “Why tonight?”

Worrying her lips, she shrugs. “I just feel it’s time I did so, but after work, when we have time to talk about it.”

“Of course,” he says and looks a little excited before glancing around. “That’ll be one way to break in our new room.”

Letting his arm go, Rey turns around and does the same. They had emptied out their lockers last night, and sometime during the day their trunks will be moved for them, along with everyone else’s who is transferring too. Her eyes linger over each of the beds and the memories they hold reply quickly but it’s time for them to move on. Together they leave their room for the last time and head off to work.

Working half a day first, it’s after lunch the transfer starts and they are in the first batch to go. A large group gathers in the hall on it’s own and they keep to the back of it as they all march to the new section they have all been assigned to. It surprises Rey how many people there are and how many faces she doesn’t know. A bit of fear starts to edge its way into her as more and more officers in black uniforms pass by them with dull uninterested looks. There are more Stormtroopers too and small droids roaming the halls on patrol.

Looking to Kylo, he seems unworried by the heightened security but he has nothing to fear from it, just her alone. There is a random thought Rey does have, that if she was found out would Kylo help her. He’s told her he won't let any harm come to her but she can’t help but wonder just how far that extends to. That if being found out as a spy falls under it’s umbrella of protection. 

All of the workers, including them, gather into a large room they were instructed to go to. Inside there is a commander standing tall and rigid at a podium. There are several officers in black uniforms standing about and they begin to take everyone’s name. One by one they are marked down as present and accounted for, then broken into lines to stand in and wait. Most people idly chat with one another but it’s all kept low and with hesitant gazes that flicker up to the commander watching them silently. A hush slowly starts to overtake the crowd and no more new people show up. The commander takes a step forward and turns his head to look at them all.

“All of you have been transferred into my section,” he begins in a loud and stern voice. “You’ll find things are very different here, we arrive always on time, and the quality of our work remains the highest standard. Just because we need the extra labor do not think for a moment I will not toss you right back, or off this base, if I find any slackers among you. I will not tolerate in the slightest anyone not pulling their weight.”

Rey listens as the man prattle on and everything he’s saying is hardly a surprise. What does shock her the sudden terror that shoots through Kylo standing behind her. Turning her head back to look, she barely gets to glance over her shoulder before his hand is on her back.

“ _Osira_ , get ready,” he says in a sharp whisper. “It’s happened _again_.”

When their eyes meet she see’s Kylo’s fear and then feels her blood turn cold before the ground violently jolts. There is no slow build up this time, just a sudden and explosive thrust before everything begins to vibrate violently. Almost everyone is knocked to the floor, including them, and Kylo reaches out for Rey to cover her with his body. Around them metal creaks and then starts to scream out from the pressure. It’s a horrible noise, like a giant beast in its death throes.

“Just hold on to me,” he says just above the noise and Rey feels him reach out into the Force. 

His whole body starts to shake, much like the floor, and it’s then that she knows what he’s doing. Putting a hand to his chest, Rey looks up and see’s the great strain in Kylo’s face. “Are you?” she asks.

“Yes,” he hisses and she feels him push against the support beams in the walls, willing them to remain standing.

“Breathe,” whispers Rey. “Breathe with me, you can do this.” 

Kylo’s eyes flicker to hers and she opens her mouth and slowly breathes out. It takes him a moment but he joins in, breathing slowly in and out together with her as he holds the room up. The world is still shaking and it’s hard for Rey not to feel sick again but she won't let it interfere with what she’s doing. The bits Kylo can’t hold start to fall, people scream and shout as rock and metal rain down in small but heavy chunks. Blaring alarms start calling out danger, adding to the noise as sparks burst from panels along the walls. In all the chaos, Rey doesn’t notice her bracelet vibrating against her wrist, her focus is solely on Kylo alone. 

His anger fuels his strength but the calm she’s holding him in mixes with it to become something even stronger. Rey feels it when it happens and it takes her breathe away, the sudden but delicate balance in the Force surrounding them. Kylo hovers at the edge of both sides as they both pull at him, but she won't let him be torn in two. Sweat rolls off his brow and drips to the floor, his eyes remain unwavering from her. Slowly Rey feels him gather his newfound strength and slowly start to push back even more. Inch by inch the shaking starts to dull into something not to horrifically violent. Around them the rest of the base is still enduring the worse of the quake but Kylo is able to keep most in the room they are in safe.

Like all quakes, this one too does come to its end after what feels like forever. The planet settles back down after a minute of terrible shaking and Kylo carefully let's go. The room groans as it settles but it all remains standing. Rey’s hands are quick to catch him but his weight is far greater than she was expecting. She does keep him from falling on his face, but it’s hard for her to lower him the short distant to the floor. Kylo is breathing hard and fast, his limbs shaking with strain. There is a deep soreness that runs through him and Rey feels it distinctly as she carefully pulls his head into his lap. The others around them try and get to their feet but everyone looks rightfully shaken. 

“You did good,” she says softly. “But you need to get up before anyone notices.”

“I know,” Kylo pants out but there is a pleased look to his eyes at her words. "Where did you learn to do that?"

"I'll tell you later," Rey says quickly and then pats his shoulder to tell him silently to move.

Rolling off her lap with a low groan, pain shoots through him but he pushes through it. Getting up slowly, Rey is there to help Kylo the rest of the way, her arm slipping around him to keep him upright. They stand silently for a few moments before Kylo looks up and pulls her suddenly to the right in a few quick steps. Behind them a support beam crashes to the floor in a loud boom and a few people cry out in shock. Rey stares with wild eyes at where they were just standing and hears a blood curdling scream. Looking towards the end of the beam, she notices a man has his leg trapped under it.

Without thinking, she lets go of Kylo who wavers on his feet but remains upright, and runs over to the hurt man. Waving at the shocked group around her, she shouts, “Lift this off of him, _right now_!”

A group rushes forward at her words and many set of hands grab at the beam to try and pull it up. Even Kylo, who is almost tapped out for the moment, rushes over to join Rey at her side. Everyone groans and grunts but the heavy weight moves and the man is pulled free. There is blood pouring out of his smashed leg and the man cries out in such a way Rey is sure she’ll never forget the sound of it. His left leg below the knee looks like a smash root and people gawk unsure what to do. One woman in the group hurries forth, pulling a rag out of her uniform before dropping down on to her knees.

“Give me another!” she shouts and several are quickly handed to her. Tighten them around his thigh, the woman pulls hard, trying to cut off his blood loss. “We need to get him to the clinic, _now_!”

Taking a step back, Rey hears more screams and cries before noticing others are hurt from various bits of debris. People are rushing around, trying to help, but it’s all become a swarm of chaos. A strong hand grabs her by the shoulder and Rey turns to look to up at Kylo who looks pale. His head is quickly moving back and forth, not looking at her, but in a few different directions. 

“It was another gas pocket,” he whispers with a distant gaze. “There’s… There’s a lot more dead this time, it’s bad.”

“We have to do something,” says Rey with panic in her voice. 

Looking down at her, Kylo’s eyes narrow. “I thought this is what you wanted? This place destroyed.”

“Not like this,” she says appalled. “And not with me and everyone else on it. Don’t try and turn this around on me.”

Letting out a frustrated sigh, he shakes his head. “I wasn’t,” Kylo starts to say. “I’m just pointing out that this situation could be taken advantage of.”

Rey stares at him with her eyes wide and her mouth hanging open. “I can’t,” she says quickly. “Not with the others still here, not without a way off this base, which I don’t have.”

Looking over the top of her head, Kylo watches the commander try and pull a worker free from some debris. Reaching up, he rubs a hand over his jaw and growls frustrated. “Then I guess we better do something productive to save this place from falling apart,” he mutters.

“Agreed,” grunts Rey back. “This looks pretty much handled here, can you tell where the worst of it is?”

His eyes drift off once again and she feels how quickly Kylo sweeps from mind to mind. It leaves her a little dizzy at how quickly he’s able to do it, but Kylo stops on something intensely hot that vibrates like a plucked string. In seconds he sweeps back into his own mind and starts to walk away. Staying at his side, Rey follows as he marches them out of the room. No one even looks their way as they part through the mess of people.

“The reactor,” speaks up Kylo in the busy hall. “They had just turned it back on yesterday but now it’s heading towards overload. There’s a bad fire preventing fixing the problem, are you sure you want to do this?”

Rolling up her sleeves, Rey nods firmly. “I’m not letting this place be the death of me, not if I can do anything about it.”

“If I didn’t know for myself, I’d swear you have bigger balls than me,” says Kylo in a flat and even tone despite the obvious joke.

Smacking him in the arm, Rey frowns up at him. “Don’t joke at a time like this,” she snaps. “And it’s will power, sheer kriffing will power.”

Still listening to minds coming and going around them, Kylo grabs Rey by the shoulder and points at a man hurrying towards some stairs. “Follow him, he’s going where we want to be.”

They step lightly, skipping their way around the sea of people rushing back and forth. The stairwell is just as crowded and a few times they have to jump and skips a few steps just to keep up with the worker they are trailing. Level by level they go down until they spill out into a large hallway filled with workers shouting, all of them rushing in one direction. They join the crowd and somehow stay together through it until they pass through a large open doorway.

Inside is a huge room and most of it is on fire. The heat hits Rey in the face and she lifts a hand up to as it licks and bites at her skin. “This is horrible,” she says taken back by the sight. 

They are pushed further inside by a rush of people and the two of them try and slip off to one side. From their new point of view, they both look at the horrific scene. There are many crews trying to put out the fire but it surges at them like a living thing, pushing them more back than they can move ahead. A deep and loud groan fills the air, somehow loud enough to rise above the roar of the fire. 

“ _WATCH OUT_!” screams a voice and a catwalk above comes crashing down.

Rey winces as people scatter and then turns to Kylo. “What can we do? We have to do _something_!”

“Give me a second,” he hisses and starts looking from mind to mind again, trying to pick out something. “The cooling system needs to be restarted before the fire permanently disables it. If we can get it back online, it’ll also bring up the other systems to help suppress the fire.”

“Cooling system,” repeats Rey before searching her own mind where it would be.

All the sections are mostly laid out the same on the base so she’s sure she knows where to go. Looking up, her eyes follow the piping and piece-by-piece Rey recalls each system’s location.

“I know where it is,” she says quickly. “But we are going to need protect from this heat to reach it.”

Kylo starts looking and searching about again and it’s moments later he says, “I got it, this way.”

Leading them to an office with a group of people shouting at one another, most are in silver fire suits and there seems to be a pile for people to take. Arms and hands are waved wildly about as many voices grow louder and louder. Rey and Kylo ignore it and rush to yanks the suits on over their uniforms. 

“Who the hell are you two?” shouts a voice and Rey looks up to an older man with a very red face staring at them.

“We’re going to get the cooling system back on,” she says and zips up the suit.

“Who are you? I don’t know you two!” he shouts looking between them wildly.

Grabbing a helmet, Rey pulls it down on her head. “New transfers,” she says not stopping. “Just ignore us, we know what we are doing.”

“The _kriff_ I won't, get out of those right now!” he shouts but Kylo steps quickly in-between Rey and the man. 

“Go back to what you were doing, you didn’t see us,” he says in a low voice full of a compelling power.

“I’m…” the man mutters. “I’m going back to what I was doing, I didn’t see you.”

Waiting for Kylo to turn back to her, Rey holds up a helmet for him. “Put this on,” she says and then shakes her head. “You do that far too much.”

Pulling it on, he tightens the straps into place. “I do it only when necessary.”

“I heard you the first time,” she mutters and then leads him back along the wall.

They move away from the crowd near the front entrance and get closer to where one fire must have been put out already. The floor is black and charred and Rey gingerly walks across it, Kylo follows in her steps and they make it past to an undamaged area. Following the same pipe still, Rey locates a panel and yanks hard on its lock. It hisses open and she tosses it aside, relieving a hole. 

“Come on,” she says to Kylo. “We can try and follow this access tunnel to the where the controls should be.”

“Lead the way boss,” he says and they both crawl inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry this took so long, life just kept getting in the way. I do have some good news, the chapter SO MANY of you have been waiting for is coming up next. I'll do my best to get it out as quickly as I can but it also make take a bit of time since it's a important chapter. Thanks as always for reading, new and old readers alike!


	27. Exposed

The access tunnel is a tight crawl space with not that much free room for Rey to move in, for Kylo it’s practically claustrophobic. They push ahead on their hands and knee’s, bending down from time to time when a pipe or a support beam stretches across the space ahead. The heat gradually builds and it leaves Rey wondering if they above one of the fires.

“Why did this happen again?” she asks back at Kylo. 

“Do you want the long or the short answer to that?” he speaks up from behind.

“The long one, I’d like some clear answers for once,” grunts Rey as she ducks under a beam. “Watch your head here.”

Putting a hand on the beam, Kylo carefully squeezes his large frame under it. “The long story is it’s about resources and time. This doesn’t surprise me in the least that it’s happened again, the previous Starkiller took many years to build and had its own share of accidents. The speed Hux is having this one construction at is rather amazing actually.”

Looking back over her shoulder, Rey stares at him in mild shock. “Did you just give him… a _compliment_?”

“Despite what you may think, I have some respect for the man,” says Kylo flatly. “Even if I’m not officially apart of the First Order command chain, Hux is one of the few who I would count being close to an equal to me. Of course I still stand above him despite what he may think.”

Stopping in the crawl space, she turns half way back to Kylo looking puzzled. “What _is_ your standing exactly?”

Being careful not to hit his head, he sits back on his legs and rests a moment. “I only answer to Snoke, everyone else below a General or an Admiral answers to me. I don’t actually oversee the affairs of the military but I can take command of any part of it as needed. Many don’t like me for that reason alone, especially anyone holding a higher commanding position.”

Pondering on this information, Kylo was never someone fully explained to her as what he did with the First Order and she’s unsure the Resistance knows completely either. His vast access to power isn’t something she finds appealing but it’s clear it comes with a price that has to be paid to Snoke. 

Wiping at some of the sweat collecting near her jaw, Rey flicks it towards the floor. “You still haven’t answered the question of what exactly you do, besides crawling around in tunnels with me.”

“Since you brought it up, keep moving, we don’t have time to hang around,” he says with a quick nod of his head at her.

“Answer my question,” presses Rey.

“Move and I will.”

Kylo is right, Rey turns back around and continues onward. The heat starts to press in on them at all sides, reminding Rey of some of the hottest days on Jakku.

“The task I was given by Snoke was to search out and remove all presence of the Jedi,” he explains, his voice echoing slightly off the metal walls. “This also meant historical records and any remaining Jedi temples still standing. Snoke knows if they rise again it will create a new imbalance. I was to keep that from happening.”

“Imbalance? What are you talking about?” she scoffs before stopping before a metal panel at the end of the tunnel.

Grabbing at the latches, Rey pulls on each one to open it, a gust of hot air rushing in from the hallway. Getting out first, she watches Kylo pulls himself out and then moves to stretch his cramped legs.

“Which way now?” he asks her.

Looking down the hall in both directions, Rey then looks up and finds an arrow stamped on one of the pipes. “This way,” she says walking off to the left.

Kylo follows and they make it only a few steps before a panel ahead of them explodes, sending sparks everywhere as if fizzles and hisses. A small fire starts to peek up from the hole, Rey turns and grabs Kylo by the arm, pulling him along to run past before it can grow.

“We _have_ get that cooling system back on,” she shouts and keeps their pace quick. 

“How much farther?” says Kylo as he easily keeps up with her jogging.

“We’re almost there,” says Rey before turning right down another hall. “We had to take the long way around to keep away from the fire but it seems its caught up with us.”

“Why hasn’t the emergency system kicked in yet? Shouldn’t there be a back up?” 

Shaking her head, she keeps looking up to make sure they are going the right way. “It’s either been knocked out or maybe it wasn’t finished, I don’t know that right now. We’ll find out more once we reach the control room.”

Through a maze of halls Rey leads on until they reach a door. She tries the controls for it but it only groans and refuses to open. “Great,” she snaps and bends down to open a panel to get at the wiring.

“Don’t,” says Kylo as he puts a hand on her shoulder. “I got this.” 

Standing back up, Rey feels Kylo wrap the Force around him and then into the door. He moves parts inside of it and then grabs at the door itself and lifts. It fights him but he only pours more power into the task until it gives. Shooting suddenly up, Rey wastes no time running in and Kylo follows, letting the door fall shut behind them.

The room they enter is a good size and there are many different workstations, all with different controls. Rey points to one on the right while she heads left. “Find the controls for the coolant pipes, we need those on first,” she says and then turns to a screen with the power read out on it. “I’m going to try and get the power stabilized that we have currently.”

“There’s only one pipe on and it’s barely holding much pressure,” he speaks up. 

“Can you tell what the problem is?” asks Rey.

Kylo scans the screen, trying to find in the sea of errors the one they need. “It looks like there was power surge and some other systems were knocked out.” 

Leaving her screen, she runs over and looks his over. “Kirff,” she curses. “We have to go do a manual reset, but once we do, we should be able to get the rest on from here.”

“Where’s that?”

Moving away from him, she waves for him to follow. “It should be this way, just down a few halls from here.”

Walking to another door, she finds this one not working either but Kylo lifts like the one before. They slip through the doorway and end up in a long hall, at the other end they both as see a bright light.

“That’s not good,” whispers Rey but she still walks forward. “This hallway isn’t finished.”

“Do we need to go back then?” 

Taking a glance back at Kylo, she shakes her head. “No, it just means it’s about to get very hot.”

When they reach the end they find it continues on as a catwalk, below is an open drop with a raging fire across its floor. The heat hits them like a punch and they both take a step back away from it. To Rey it looks something taken right out of a nightmare, one that could become much worse soon if they don’t hurry.

“Are we?” Kylo shouts over the roar of the fire.

“We are,” yells Rey. “There’s no time to go around. Put your helmet’s mask down and don’t stop once we go.”

“Just say when,” he says and then yanks down on the mask piece that was locked in the up position.

Doing the same, Rey locks it into place and takes one big deep breath in. “ _GO_!” she shouts and they both run forward into the blazing heat.

It digs into their skin and even through the suits, Rey pushes on through the pain as it tightens her limbs, trying desperately to halt her. They don’t have to run far but the short distance is enough to feel she’s shaved off a few years of her life. They reach the other side safely and Rey pulls her helmet off to breathe. Kylo does the same and they look at one another, sweat rolling down both their faces. Some of Kylo’s black hair has slipped out from his wig and Rey feels such pity for him, that he’s doing all this work while wearing that stupid wig of his. 

Reaching out to his face, she pushes it back under and then brushes his sweat away. “Thanks,” he mutters. 

“Anytime,” smiles Rey before she moves away to start hurrying down the hall again.

They turn right, right, and then a left out on to another catwalk. Below is free from any fire but Rey looks down and sees a lot of debris that has fallen off in the quake. There are four large towers free standing with catwalks connecting all of them. They hurry along to the first one and thankfully the door opens to a small circular room.

“We need to restart each one together,” she says and then points Kylo again to where he should go. “Each set of fuses run parallel so we need to charge them first and then switch them on one at a time. Pull on each handle then move it left to right until it clicks, that means the charge is ready.”

“Got it,” says Kylo and then he grabs and yanks on the first one. 

Even with his strength he struggles to move it but it slowly loosens, enough for him to move it back and forth several times before it clicks loudly. Pressing it back down to lay flat, a light next to the switch glows red. Rey rushes to the other panel and pulls on the first switch with a low grunt.

“We have to do this for all of them and then each tower,” she groans as her switch clicks.

One by one they both hand crank each switch but Rey finds the last two she can’t reach. Grabbing on to one of the higher handles she can touch, she pulls her self up and presses her feet to the wall. Kylo finishes with his and looks over to her. 

“Do you want me to get those?” he asks.

Pulling on the switch, Rey grinds her teeth together and forces the handle to move. “No!” she snaps. “I got this! Do the next one!” 

Not waiting to argue with her, he rushes to the next one and starts all over again from bottom to top. It takes them longer than Rey likes to do them all eight towers but they don’t have any time to waste standing about. One by one they press the red buttons next to each switch, syncing up the power coming on to each subsystem. The lights go green and after one tower is fully up and ready for the restart, Rey waves at him to leave.

Quick on her feet, she hurries out the door and leads Kylo across the next catwalk. By the time they finish with the third tower her arms are sore and beg for a break. She pushes beyond her pain and with plenty of groaning and grunts between the two of them, they finish the last tower. When they step out of the fuse room, the metal flooring groans and she barely has time to react before it shakes and bends. The catwalk circling the tower drops but it doesn’t break off completely. It’s jarring enough that it throws them both, Rey slams into the hand railing but Kylo, due to his height, goes tumbling over it. Reacting before she can think, Rey grabs on to the railing and slips under it, she only has a second to reach him and his arm reaches out for her. His weight pulls hard on her arm and when they connect, she grunts loudly, struggling to hold him up as he dangles freely in the air.

Her grip isn’t good on Kylo’s forearm, the fire suit’s material making it hard to hold on to as her fingers start to slip. “Grab on to me!” she screams. “I can’t hold you! You’re slipping!”

Turning his hand, he grabs on to her wrist but slips still further down. “Don’t drop me!” he shouts.

“I’m trying not to!” cries out Rey and struggles to lift him up.

Her glove starts to slip as Kylo’s fingers drag it down, pulling hard on her skin and her bracelet. There is only a second for Rey to process what is about to happen before it does. The bracelet snaps open, slipping off her wrist as Kylo’s hand slips away with her glove.

Rey has fallen before, it’s impossible not to when climbing through old ships such as the one on Jakku. Her body remembers for her, allowing her to move faster than her mind alone could allow. Kylo’s fingers brush against hers as he slips away but Rey is there, following after him. It happens all instantly, she reaching out and catching him by the wrist, her other grabs on to a metal pole under the walkway and they fall together. Both of their weight jerks hard on her shoulder and she cries out in pain. 

The first few seconds Rey fights to breath. “You’re glove,” she chokes out. “Get the other off and grab on to me!”

Looking down at Kylo, she sees him staring at her bare wrist with wild eyes. There is only a moment of quiet before he’s there suddenly in her mind. She screams out but it dies in her ears as the world goes dark around them. They slam together mentally, the bond between growing from a thin string to something impossibly big. It glows so brightly it blinds her, all Rey can think is that she’s dropped them both because she feels like she’s falling. 

Hitting a dirt ground hard, Rey inhales sharply and tries to get to her feet. There’s no pain mysteriously but she doesn’t get any time to think of why that is as she hears a voice screaming. Turning on her heels, her mind feels dizzy, drunk on feelings that are not her own. A little boy, tall and thin, screams at the sky. Rey looks up to see to the Millennium Falcon pulling away, shrinking smaller and smaller in size in the sky. 

“Dad!” cries out the boy. “ _DAD_! Come back! _PLEASE_! PLEASE COME _BACK_!”

“Kylo?” she whispers and then feels a dark shadow standing suddenly next to her.

The image of the boy vanishes as she turns to look at an adult Kylo at her side, dressed in his black robes, he’s looking at something behind her. Her own voice, young and crisp, screams. “NOO! COME BACK!”

There no need for her to look to know what’s happening. The sound of a ship breaking atmo puts tears in her eyes but Rey doesn’t get a moment to dwell on the old memory. Something wrong spreads throughout her body and as she lifts her arms up to look, cracks appear through her skin. Letting out a low groan, her voice deeps with age as her back forcible bends painfully forward. The skin around the cracks shrivels into old leather, tan and well worn. The cracking sinks in deeper, reaching her mind and breaking it apart like she’s always feared it would from being out in Jakku’s sun too long. Despite how old she feels, a hunger like Rey has never felt before twists in her, like a poison that blackens her veins. 

A low growl fills the air and she listens to the painful snapping of bone. With a great effort that leaves her trembling, Rey turns to look at Kylo. There’s a black beast standing where he was before, it’s all claws and fangs that snap at the air as his body keeps swelling in size. Metal splits open his black skin, stretching out like quills. Being so old and frail, Rey should be frighten, but the hunger rages forth within her, blinding her thoughts.

Heavy footsteps approach them but Rey doesn’t need to look at who it is, she would know them anywhere. Despite her new and greater age, her arm grabs out at Kylo with an amazing speed. He turns his beastly head at her as metal spike grow out of the back of his head. Despite his size, she pulls on him easily with a mad glee and looks to Unkar Plutt who’s staring at her with dark greedy eyes.

“How much for thisss?” she hisses and pulls the snarling Kylo closer like he was a doll. 

“You expect me to take the whole thing?” scoffs Unkar.

Turning back to look at Kylo, Rey’s old eyes shine but she’s not there in them anymore. Putting her other hand to his side, she pulls hard and rips Kylo’s arm clean off. He cries out and falls back to the ground, blood spilling and spraying out from the wound as he clutches at it. Holding out the arm, Rey looks to Unkar.

“How much?” she asks.

“One half portion,” he grumbles.

Throwing the limb to the ground, she screams and kicks at it. “Not good enough! _Not enough_!”

“You know what I want girl,” sneers Unkar. “Just give me it.”

Through her hair that’s gone loose around her head, turned grey and straw like, Rey stares at him then reaches for her chest. She digs her hand in and through her clothing, rips a chunk of her flesh off and holds out to him.

 “That’s worth, five portions,” he grumbles through his bloated lips.

A twisted smile made up of broken teeth is flashed at Unkar Plutt. Kylo on the ground is left watching the exchange and he roars in pain and frustration. Pushing his large body up, his clawed hand digs into the hard dirt, scraping at it.

“This isn’t right,” he snarls through inhuman teeth.

Sitting back on his haunches, Kylo lets out a deafening roar as Rey rips more of her own skin from her body giddily. Grabbing at his own new skin, he tears at it, pulling away at it until he’s able to crawl out from inside the monstrous form. Gasping for air, he falls to the ground, covered in blood, bits of fat, and skin. He knows this is his fault, his mind is a dark place and Rey has somehow gotten in too deeply. With his cheek pressed into the dirt, Kylo reaches an arm out towards her.

“Rey!” he screams. “ _Stop_! You have to stop! This isn’t real!” 

His words seem to reach her as she looks at her own hands, she screams at the chunk bleeding out over her fingers. Unkar Plutt smiles and then laughs, but they both slip through the dirt, falling beneath it like quicksand. The ground presses in around them and Rey claws at it, trying to make some room to breathe in. The fall doesn’t last long and the dirt gives away to a smooth darkness. She lands hard on a smooth black floor, looking like her normal self. 

Standing up hesitantly, she’s still rattled over what just happened but looks up to see Kylo standing before her. He’s back in his black robes, the outfit complete with his mask on, but it’s different. The edges of it curve in more, fusing with his skin. His head leans to one side and he lifts his arm up, saber in his hand and grumbling with power. He takes a slow step forward and tilts slightly to one side in an unnatural gait. When his foot comes down, Rey hears hundreds of voice screaming suddenly and then stop all at once. Kylo takes another strange and slow step, filling the room with more horrible screams before falling back into a perfect silence.

A giant hand appears out of the shadows behind Kylo and it’s fingers plunge into his back. He lets out a mechanical wheeze as he’s lifted up and worn like a finger puppet. His arms stretch out into long thin limbs as others break out of his back, each holding a saber blazing with a red angry blade. The hand set him back down and moves him forward, he takes another wobbling step and even more frightening screams ring out. Unsure what to do, Rey is frozen and can only watch in horror as he approaches her.

“Rrr…eeeeyyy,” hisses Kylo through his mask.

A body drops suddenly, falling from above with a wet smack. She jumps back a step and see’s Han Solo laying with his back to her, a hole burned clear through him. Another wet smack rings out to her right and she see’s the body of Leia now, just the same as Han’s. One by one more fall, Finn, Poe, the bits of what looks to be BB8, and everyone’s she’s ever know fall, dead and run through. There are even more outside, falling past the tall open doorways that line the dark room. In the blood red sky hang five cracked planets that are slowly breaking apart. 

“This isn’t all there is to you!” she screams at Kylo. “This doesn’t have to be you!”

“But it is,” purrs a voice she’s never heard before from the darkness. “This is all he’ll ever be, my little _puppet_.”

“ _NO_!” yells Rey. “I WON’T ALLOW THIS!”

All the bodies on the flood start to shake and tremble, Han’s head twists around, wide eyed and mouth gaping. “Sometimes I would wonder how could I ever produce a son like you,” he says.

Leia’s head turns around next, blood trickles from the corner of her mouth. “The shame I feel knowing you are my flesh and blood.”

The body of Luke stands up and leans to one side, his head rolling from his broken neck. “You’re parents never wanted you and dumped you on me, I never wanted you either.”

Watching the dead speak to Kylo, she’s given a final fright as one last body falls at her feet. It’s a man and a face she’ll never forget. It stares up at her, eyes like glass and the back of his head crushed in. “Give me it girl,” they gurgle through a mouth full of blood.

Backing away, Rey stares in horror at the first person she ever killed. “It was an accident,” she protests but the man sits up and tries to stand on two shattered legs. “I was only ten. I didn’t mean to!”

The man is pushed aside and Kylo suddenly is marching towards her quickly. The screaming is endless and as he lifts his saber up higher to strike her down, the ground beneath her feet cracks first. A blinding light pours in, flooding into the room and pushing back the darkness and the hand out of Kylo. He falls to the ground like a broke toy at her feet. Before Rey can bend down to touch him, the ground gives away. They both fall, slipping down into a bright nothing.

Sounds pass by her, voices from her past and Kylo’s. It gives her quick glimpses through each of their eyes, of what they have seen and been through. She can feel how broken he is through it, the shards of glass that make up Kylo’s insides that have been scattered and half forgotten. There’s too much for her to try and put it together again and she feels him touching her own frayed worn edges, seeing just how secretly damaged she is too.

The smell of grass and sunshine surrounds her and it’s all Rey needs to calm her mind. In the white she reaches out and feels for him. A hand grabs hers but she can’t see it, the light is too much. Pulling on Kylo’s hand, he moves too easily and they collide together in a mess of limbs. Falling suddenly on to a bed, they bounce on it a few times before coming to complete rest. At the foot of the bed stands a woman in her late thirties with dark brown hair and rich brown eyes. She smiles at the both of them as Rey and Kylo stare back in surprise. There is something about the woman’s nose that she recognizes and gets the impression that the woman has been waiting for them. A hiss fills the air and Kylo removes the once fused mask from his head. He drops it on to the bed and it rolls off, hitting the floor with a heavy bang.

“You have to keep going, if you stop now it’ll all be for nothing,” says the woman. “You’re almost there now.”

“Almost where?” asks Rey.

“Keep going,” she says. “You have to reach the center now or you’ll never be able to.”

“Who… Who are you?” asks Kylo as he sits up further. “You’re beautiful.”

The woman smiles and flushes to a rosy pink. “It’ll be ok, I promise. This is something you need to do now, to start again. Together you can do it.”

A group laughs through the wall and a heavy set of footsteps starts to walk towards them. The woman turns around to look at an open doorway and then back to them. “You have to go now, I know this is confusing but you’re on the right path.” 

“Wait!” shouts Rey and she’s unsure why she did so. “Will I see you again?”

“Of course,” she says and turns as a man enters the doorway.

“What are you doing in here?” asks an older man with salt and pepper hair, his face marred by a long scar.

Before they can hear her answer, they slip through the bed like water and fall into a deep ocean. Both their hands stay entangled together as they sink past a school of small glowing fish and giant whale like creatures swimming by slowly. The water is warm and breathing doesn’t seem to be a problem as she opens her mouth and finds nothing happens. Under her skin Rey feels something move, looking down she sees a small blue glow. A fish, glowing with the light, pops out from her arm and swims away. More come out and she looks to Kylo to see the same is happening to him. They come out of them in a flurry of wiggling tails until it stops suddenly. 

The fish all swim away together and she feels lighter, as if each of those creatures were made up of her fears. The ocean doesn’t last, soon it dissolves into an inky black and the fish vanish too, replaced by millions of stars. Rey knows they are still falling but the sensation of it goes away, melting into nothing as they keep descending. The tiny pinpricks of light move slowing past them, distant and twinkling, but she feels like they are watching her and Kylo. 

Turning her head to look at him, Rey sees Kylo already staring at her. Their minds slip along one another, sensing and sharing their fears equally as to what is happening to them. There is comfort in that, the feeling of loneliness that plagues them both feels distant and small, like one of the stars around them. Their hands grip each other tightly but the images of what first happened suddenly flash through Rey’s mind and then through Kylo’s. She the greedy desperate woman of the desert and him a mindless beast made up of the darkness itself.

Kylo reaches out to her with his other hand and cups Rey’s cheek. “I won’t let that happen,” he says. “That won’t become you.”

“I’m sorry,” she chokes out. “I couldn’t stop myself.”

Pulling her closer by their joined hands, they cling to one another as larger stars fall up while they keep going down. “I won’t let you go,” whispers Kylo. “Whatever happens.”

Lifting her head up, Rey looks into his eyes and feels him rolls over her mind soothingly. She’s felt him for a while through their bond, a sea that Rey stands at the shore of often, but now she’s in his waters as he is in hers.

“That wasn’t you, that’s not all that you are,” she pleads, sending her hope to him that Kylo will believe her.

His fingers on her face strokes her skin softly and Rey see’s his gloves turn to ash, breaking apart and coming off around his skin in flakes. “Thank you for thinking that,” he says softly. “I want nothing more than for that to be true.” 

A strange sinking feeling takes hold of them both as Rey thinks her next thought. He must hear it in her mind because his eyes look at her so warmly and bittersweet. “If you only knew how badly I want that too,” he says. 

Their feelings mirror one another, the pure want they both feel at not wanting to part. The stars move past them faster now, stretching slowly into lines of light from the speed they are traveling past at. A source of gravity has them now, pulling the two towards it at an ever growing speed. 

“Don’t leave me,” breathes out Rey.

“I won't,” whispers Kylo as more of their clothes now turn to ash. “I promise. Don’t leave me either, I… I just want.”

Pressing her lips to him, they kiss and she feels there is nothing between them left. “I promise, I won't leave you.”

Below them one star grows in size, the source of the gravity making itself known. They both notice the light together and stare down at it. Holding on to each other so tightly, they move towards it in an inescapable free fall.

“What’s going to happen?” ask Rey as she leans her head to his chest.

“I don’t know,” he says while leaning his cheek against the top of her head.

The star grows in size until it’s all they can see from horizon to horizon. Flashes of light spark and flash by, zipping past them at an amazing speed. One hit’s Kylo in the shoulder, breaking off a piece of him like he was made of stone. Rey turns to look and see but she becomes frozen too, unable to move. They can only watch as more sparks start passing by and even more strike them, ripping them apart piece by piece. Falling pass the surface of the star, the fire starts to tear them apart at an amazing speed. There is no actual pain Rey feels, just the removal of unnecessary parts of her.

All that remains left of Rey after the fire is a molecule, one tiny bit of her that’s being pulled down into the heart of the star. There she sees nothing, hears nothing, but the universe breathes and surrounds her so completely. In the nothing and everything all at once, she knows she’s not alone. There’s another bit, a single molecule moving around her, or maybe she’s moving around it. It’s hard to tell when she has nothing to see with. In the end Rey thinks she’s become like a binary star, circling around a central point with another particle. The more she tries to feel the other, the more Rey senses who it is as they feel for her back in return. Something flickers between them and they flicker together, like a two heart beating in time with each other.

“Kylo?” she thinks.

“Not Kylo,” the other thinks back. “I’m Ben.”

The pain Rey should have felt burning in a star comes suddenly, hitting her all at once along with the knowledge she has a body again. Staring down at Kylo who’s hanging on to her hand, his own gaze is wide at their memory of their strange shared experience. Her hand shakes as her arm screams in pain, a hot flush building through it.

“Your other hand!” screams Rey. “ _Grab me_ with your other hand!”

Reacting to her shouting, Kylo lifts his arm up and holds on to her with both his hands. Rey reaches out into the Force, grabbing on to him as she pulls with her arm. Letting out a scream, Rey throws Kylo up and over the railing. He falls on to the bent catwalk and scrambles to grab ahold of something before he slips off again. Her other hand still holding on shakes as her fingers start to slip. 

Looking up, she sees Kylo peer over the side down at her. “I’m slipping,” she whispers.

He just stares at her, his eyes wild and dark as Rey feels him lost in his own thoughts. “Please,” she begs. “Kylo, I can’t hold on any longer.” 

“Why should I save _you_?” he asks, his voice sharp and angry.

“You promised,” says Rey as a finger slips free.

Her face pinched in pain as she holds on with just four fingers now. “PLEASE!” she screams. “Not like _this_!”

A memory flashes through her mind, white, hot, and burning both her and Kylo in the process. The man who had fallen at her feet in the dark room now stands before her, looking down at her bag.

“What’s this?” he asks and reaches to snatch a part from it. 

“Hey!” cries out a younger Rey as she uselessly waves her hand, trying to take it back from him.

“Where’d you find this girl? This is worth a lot, I think I’ll take it,” he says and moves to put away in his own bag.

The small staff Rey uses to pry open and lift heavy object comes off her back and in a fit of rage, she strikes at the fellow scavenger. The hit lands at the man’s stomach and he takes a step back, the wind leaving him. He takes another but it’s too late, Rey tries to call out but they were too close to the edge and he falls, slipping over the side without a sound.

Hurrying to look, down below she sees his body, broken but still twitching. Rey watches in horror as he gasps and gurgles, blood spitting out of his mouth as his head rocks back and forth uselessly. Even from the height she’s standing at, she can hear his ever noise as it echoes off the high walls. He gasps wetly and then a low and deep rattling rings out, his breath pulled through his crushed for the last time.

Rey had cried after, sobbing into her small hands until her stomach growled, reminding her keenly just how little she’s eaten the previous day. Carefully she had worked her way down to the body and took back her part, then rest he had scavenged that day too. She ate well that night but her tears wouldn’t stop, not until morning.

“I don’t want to die like _that_ ,” Rey sobs, half to Kylo, half in frustration as another finger slips free.

“People don’t often get to pick how they’ll go,” he says coldly. “But you won’t die like that, not today.”

Reaching his arm down, he grabs on to a support pole holding up the railing and holds himself steadily in place. She struggles to lift her other arm up and just as her fingers slip off the metal pole, Kylo’s hand grabs hers. He pulls her up as his arm trembles, Rey slips back over the edge and grabs on to the metal flooring, digging her hands into the spaces in-between. She crawls desperately forward until she’s safely on the catwalk once more.

The metal starts to groan again and they are both scramble to get to their feet. Running off it, it gives away as they reach the next and more secure catwalk. Rey turns and watches it fall, hitting the side of the tower on the way down. Her heart is pounding in her chest and she feels a dark dread creep up her spine. Kylo next to her is breathing as hard as she is, her mind can’t stop itself from reaching out to see if he’s ok. She’s quickly shut out and his eyes snap to her with a violent speed.

“Don’t,” he warns in a voice she hasn’t heard in a long time.

There is a sharp withdrawal by him, his feelings flow back into himself and the waves she had grown so use to are gone, leaving Rey in an emotional silence. Pain aches in her chest, giving her a clear perspective on how use to feeling him she had become. If Kylo senses her pain he doesn’t react to it, just further walls himself up into something untouchable.

So unsure what to say to him, Rey wonders if she should speak at all, Kylo has made it more than clear he’s not handling the news well of who she really is. His eyes haven’t wavered from her, they burn like a dark fire but Rey knows she partly deserves his anger. He had been so open with her and she didn’t even make it to telling him, which was a shame since today was to be the day. Not wanting to dwell on what could have happened, Rey lifts her chin up and steadies herself for his confrontation. Kylo’s eyes narrowed as she stood up a little taller.

“All this time,” he says in a breathy whisper. “It was you.”

“Yes,” replies back Rey calmly. “I told you, I _was_ going to tell you today.”

“And you think that would have changed _anything_?” he snaps. “I would have been fine if you were anyone but _her_ … anyone but _Rey_.”

When her name hits her ears, she cringes. She had longed to hear him say her real name and now he just spat it out like she was a bad taste in his mouth. The ache in her chest grows and it feels too much now like the heartbreak she’s felt over the years from others leaving and betraying her. It almost laughable for Rey to think she wishes nothing more than for Kylo to be anything but upset with her, but her mind reminds her of the work at hand.

“We can’t get into this right now,” she says and looks down and away. “If we don’t get the coolant system back on more people will die.”

“Do you think I _care_ …” Kylo starts to shout and then grows silent. “Fine. We’ll finish this later.”

There is something raw in his voice that stabs sharply into her heart. Rey swears she can hear something breaking in it and it pains her to know she’s the source of it. She should tell him she’s sorry, try to say something that will provide some comfort but Rey only needs to gaze into his eyes to see how useless it would be. Before her resolve can crumble any more, she turns away from Kylo.

Work is something easy for Rey to focus on, to loose her thoughts in at how to proceed. Walking down the hallway, he follows, but now with some distance between them. Reaching down to her bare wrist, Rey’s stomach twists on itself as she rubs her skin. The feeling of safety was now gone and she feels more like a nerve, raw and open to the air. Leading the way back, Rey stops before the catwalk across the fire. The flames have grown higher now and her exposed hand trembles. 

There is a risk that as soon as they step foot on to the walkway it could give out, just like the last one. “Should we try it?” she asks looking back at Kylo.

His face is devoid of any emotion while his eyes have lost something, rendering them dull and cold. Without saying a word, he walks past her and then out on to the catwalk. 

“What are you _doing_?!” she yells and watches him march his way across. 

When Kylo reaches the other side, Rey tucks her hand to her chest and runs for it. The heat bites hard at her and it leaves Rey gasping for air. Once out of the heat, she turns on Kylo standing and waiting, Rey hits him in the chest with her fist. 

“What the _KRIIF_?! Just walking across like that?! What is wrong with _you_?!” screams Rey, her eyes wide and heavy with blossoming tears. “You don’t… Don’t act like that, _please_.”

“Take your hand off me,” he says flatly.

A piercing shock runs through her and Rey looks to her balled fist, resting on his chest. She pulls it away and feels whatever was between them is now crumbling, now nothing more better than a pile of dust. Her shoulders shake but she refuses to cry, sniffling loudly, Rey takes a step back away from him.

“If you hate me now, that doesn’t mean you should be reckless,” she mutters. “Despite how you may feel, I don’t have any wish you see you hurt.”

Kylo says nothing, just turns away from her and walks back towards the control room. Watching him go, she waits first and then slowly starts to follow. His reaction was not what she was expecting, a cold remark yes or a burst of rage, but his silence is so much louder and far more damaging. As terrible as it all feels, knowing lives could be counting on her spurs Rey on. The brief interlude Rey got to experience of no longer feeling Kylo was her enemy was over now, she puts her hope behind her and gets to work.

Standing before the consoles they were both at previously, they engaged the restart together. The power comes back on and the coolant starts pumping again. Of course this is only one problem among many but to have the first done feels good. The power looks solid on her end and she turns to Kylo to see how the pressure is doing. Crossing the room, she doesn’t care about his need for space and stands next to him without fear. Looking down at the screen, he makes some minor adjustments to even out the levels across all the major pipes, before the lights all go green.

“Now what?” he asks, his voice still cold and flat. 

“The coolant is back, it needs to work for a bit first but I still think there is a problem with the fire suppressant system. There should be an alarm going off that there is a fire,” she says and then moves away to search for another console.

Finding the one she needs, Rey’s hands fly across the screen as she scans the system read outs. “The sensors were knocked out, if we get those back on it should kick in and be able to put out most of the fire. One of us needs to go warn those people while the other gets the system back on. When it comes back on no one is going to want to breathe that stuff in." 

Turning back around, she sees Kylo standing a few feet away from her. “You go,” says Rey. “I’ll stay here and get it all ready. Use the comlink to tell me when the room is cleared. You remember how to get back, right?” 

“I’ll be fine,” he says and turns to walk away.

“Good luck,” comes out of Rey and it shocks her that she even said it.

Stopping in the doorway, Kylo barely looks back over his shoulder but remains still for a moment. Wondering if he’s going to say something, he answers her question by leaving without a word. There is a slight fear Rey feels watching him go, a silly worry it may be the last time she sees him, that it has to be with him angry at her.

“This can’t be all there is to us,” she says to herself.

The empty air doesn’t answer back and neither does she get any lingering feelings from the man she wants dearly to hear her thoughts. It’ll be a tough job for Kylo to convince everyone to leave but he’ll force them all out if he has to. Hurrying back to the controls, Rey is determine not to be the one he needs to wait for and starts gathering the list of repairs she’ll need to complete.

Her fixes will have to be creative since she has no tools minus the ones in her vest, nor any spare parts. Quickly memorizing what and where the errors are, Rey rushes off to the first. Hurrying down the hall, it’s even warmer now, giving her a clear reminder how much the fire needs to be stopped. It’s still a bad sign she hasn’t seen anyone else so far and for a moment Rey forgets she can use the Force now. Reaching out into it, it confirms for her that she’s alone in the control sector.

Stopping at the first location, Rey rips a panel off, tossing it aside to look for the problem. Everything seems to be in place but she takes a deep breathe and really looks with care. Just like how she taught Kylo to, she traces each path and finds one overloaded circuit, black in one corner. Her mind works quickly, coming up with a plan on how tooverridee it. Shoving her hands right in, Rey starts unplugging wires and connecting them to other locations. One by one the indicators lights turn green and somehow she gets the juncture back up and running. Of course it’ll still need to be fixed later but her patch job will hold for now. 

The fear of her comlink buzzing before she can finish is the fear that keeps her going. One by one she fixes each problem, gasping for air more and more as she runs like her life depending on it. The burn feels good in her muscles, she needs the pain to keep her sharp and focused at the job at hand. Not on Kylo’s disappointed eyes, cold and dead, that keep trying to flash through her mind. When the last issue is fixed, a pipe that needed to be redirected, is when her comlink chirps to life.

With a shaking hand, Rey pulls it from her vest and desperately tries to catch her breath. “Yes?” she speaks. 

“The room is cleared but not for long,” says Kylo’s terse voice.

“Good,” pants out Rey. “Just give me a few minutes, I need to get back to the control room.”

The line clicks off and Rey tries not to feel defeated by the continuing silence. Even with growing up on a desert planet, the air is so dry now that it renders her desperately struggling to take in any air. When she makes it back to the control room and out of the heat, the alarms everywhere going off finally. A touch of relief washes over her that it seems her fixes have worked. There are only a few more things Rey needs to do, and can do so remotely, before the fire is put out. At a console screen, her fingers move in a blur until all indicators read back in the clear and green. She switches quickly to another screen and sees slowly the alarms for a fire click off one by one.

Reaching for her comlink, Rey clicks it on and speaks. “Did it work?”

“It did,” replies Kylo.

The channel stays open and a long and bloated silence hanging in the soft static. “Come back,” he says and then the line cuts off. 

Slipping down to the floor, Rey puts her back to the wall and removes her glasses. Tossing them across the floor, they slide and come to rest near the doorway out that Kylo has left up. Pressing her hands to her face, she weeps silently and covers her mouth with one of her hands to keep from screaming. It all becomes too much for Rey to handle, knowing she has to put it all back away quickly. There is no way she’ll meet Kylo again with red eyes and pink cheeks, Rey simply won't allow it. 

Wiping desperately at her eyes, she tries to stop but the tears but they keep coming. Her heart feels like it’s being torn in two and she chokes out a sob through her fingers. When no bracelet brushes her skin, Rey rips her hand away and screams upward. It’s a raw sound that erupts from her along with feelings of being frustrated, angry, sad, still madly in love, and full of a bitterness at who she is. Part of her wants to believe him, that it’s all her fault, that if she was anyone else really things would be ok. But Rey is Rey, that can’t change, and she doesn’t want it to. Her beginnings maybe humble but she has proven herself time after time. There is worth in her and her name, Rey refuses to let that be robbed from her after so much has been taken already. You can’t call years of hard work a childhood, she has no family to care or ask her how she is, now the one man Rey has given her heart to wants nothing to do with her.

Standing up on wobbling legs, she walks over to her glasses and picks them up. Slipping them on, Rey shuts her heart off, lets it rot deep within her in a place no one can reach. It doesn’t matter what they saw in each other’s mind, it doesn’t matter she wants to meet her daughter one day. The future for her is a dim one, one she’s sure will only end in fighting and death. After this mission her training will be completed and her and Kylo will meet on some distant battlefield. Idly Rey wonders if that is what she saw in the hanger, a glimpse of their future. 

Walking out of the room, it doesn’t matter to Rey who will win that fight, she already knows they’ll both lose. Death doesn’t scare her, it’s the amount of time left until it happens does. Moving without thinking, she makes her way back through the access tunnel. The main room will be flooded with gas and foam so it’s the only way back she can go. When she slips out of the open panel, Kylo hurries over to her but seems to catch himself. His face quickly hides something he didn’t want to show but she can’t seem to care. 

“Are you alright?” he asks and Rey nods slowly.

A group of people rush to her, all smiles and wide eyed. “You’re the one who stopped the fire?” asks a man.

“How did you do that?” speaks up another. “We couldn’t get anyone up there but you two did it! You’re heroes!”

The people push past Kylo, who allows himself to slip to the back of the group. Rey looks at all the faces and voices chatting at her all at once. The careful lock she thought she had on her emotions start to breaks, her eyes turn glassy as her tears come back in full force.

“It’s been a long day, could you please excuse me,” Rey tries to say but a man suddenly grabs her hand and shakes it.

“You gotta let me thank you, I was trapped by the fire until the foam kicked in,” he says and shakes her hand again.

Trying to pull away, she forces a smile but Rey is seconds away from screaming. “Please,” she begs. “I really need to go, I’m very tired.”

An arm slips around her and a tall woman pulls her close. “That was amazing work you did there kid,” she says down talking her. “How old are you by the way? To be so skilled already at your age, it’s amazing.”

Trying to push the woman away, she glares, hoping her anger will stop her from breaking in front of everyone. “Thank you,” snaps Rey. “But I _really_ must go!”

“You can’t yet!” injects a new woman and another man next to her smiles and agrees. “You have to wait for talk to the commander, you might even get a promotion.”

“I don’t want a _kriffing_ promotion!” she screams. “ _Please_! Leave me _alone_!”

All the smiling faces turn on her, becoming first confused then into sneers. “Wow, she’s rude,” mutters one man and someone else agrees. A low whispering passes between everyone as Rey pushes her way out between the people.

Shoulders knock into her and she bites her tongue with each hit. At first she thinks people are not paying attention but the last one hits her so hard she know it was deliberate. Kylo is still standing at the back, his face blank, and it’s too much for her to handle.

“Kriff you,” she whispers and then rushes out of the room.

His heavy footsteps follow her out into the hall and Rey tries to walk as quickly as she can but his legs are far longer than hers. “Where are you going?” he asks.

“I don’t know,” says Rey as her voice cracks.

Stopping in the middle of the hallway, she ignores the people looking at her as they pass. “Our room is the other way,” says Kylo at her back. “It’s room seven in the officer’s wing, they should have delivered our personal items by now.”

Turning around, Rey looks at him like he has two heads. “What does that matter?” she asks.

“I’ll see you there,” he says and then turns away, walking down the hall.

In a desperate move she tries to mentally reach out to Kylo but finds a wall a mile high around his mind. The bond is still there, that much Rey can feel but nothing comes from him. It’s nothing more but a dead rope that ties them together. A bitter laugh rumbles from her as Rey thinks about what good it is, having a dead thing hover between them.

Having nowhere else to go she follows him slowly and from far behind. He seems to know where he’s going and it makes sense since his own other room is in a similar location in another sector. She could maybe go there, just to have a bed away from him to sleep in but there’s a feeling in her gut he’d come and kick her out. Wishing to be done with this all, Rey watches him enter their new room. She stands outside of it for a few minutes before finally going in.

Kylo has his back to her and he’s facing much to her surprise a long window. If she weren’t such a mess at the moment she’d be happy by such a nice change. There is a deep window sill that looks big enough for her to sit in and the beds are bigger too. Looking to the right, she notices a door open to a good sized refresher. The room is most certainly an upgrade but she can’t feel happy about any of it. 

Turning around, Kylo still says nothing and moves to the metal trunk at the foot of what would be his bed. He opens it and Rey watches in horror as he pulls out a box she knows. Shutting the top he looks at her and holds it at his side. Her eyes stare down at the black color as fear threatens to choke the life from her.

“I’m sure you have yours,” he says sharply. “You will meet me in fifteen minutes in the hanger with it. We are finishing this.”

“I won't,” Rey starts to say as looks up to his face.

The calm he’s kept breaks, his face twisting into something ugly and raw. “ _YOU WILL_!” he shouts. “You’ll meet me _there_ or I’ll come find _you_ and we’ll do this in the _kriffing_ hallway! This is the last bit of kindness you’ll get from _me_ , to settle this in private.”

Her mouth opens but Kylo is marching quickly past her. Rey spins around just in time to watch the door shuts behind him. The silence that hangs around her is deafening but it doesn’t last as her hearts starts to pound so loudly it’s all she can hear. Taking quick gasping breathes as panic sets in, she feels lost on what to do.

“ _WHY_?!” she screams as her body trembles and folds over itself.

Grabbing at her hair, she pulls on it and tries to pull herself together at the same time. “I can do this,” mutters Rey. “I can make it through this.”

Looking over to her trunk, she stares at where the hidden latch is and unlocks it using the Force. Slowly moving over to it, she pulls open the hidden drawer at the bottom and sees her staff broken down into pieces and one lightsaber. Reaching down for it, she pulls the saber out and stares at it. Luke had told her its history, how it was once his father’s, then his, next came Kylo, and now it was hers.

Feeling better with it in her hand, it acts as a lighthouse in her dark thoughts. Shutting her eyes, Rey breathes in the Force and lets it wash over her. It soothes her fears and calms her frazzled nerves. When she opens her eyes again she’s calm and ready. Kylo was right about one thing, they will finish what started between them before in the forest.

Opening her uniform, Rey tucks the saber in carefully and leaves the room. Walking calmly back through the new sector, she heads to the other with purpose. The base is too busy so no one pays any attention to her and she’s able to slip down the hidden hall unnoticed. At the end of the hall the door is slightly open, Rey shuts it behind her tightly. 

At one end of the hanger stands Kylo waiting for her. He’s taken off his wig and glasses, thrown to the floor along with his vest. He’s also pulled down his uniform, tied it around his waist to expose the black tank top he has on underneath. The scar that runs from his arm, up along his shoulder, and over his face seems to stand out more than normal.

“Good,” you’ve come,” he practically spits out and gives his saber, off for the moment, a twirl. 

Slowly Rey walks towards a pile of boxes and pulls off her glasses. Her vest is removed next and she pulls her saber out, sets it down first so she can copy him. Pulling down her uniform, she ties it around her waist and secures her grey tank top. Picking up her saber, she holds it at her side. 

“We don’t have to do this,” says Rey as calmly as she can.

“Yes we do!” he snaps and then his saber springs to life with a growl.

Rey looks down at the saber and then up to him. “You said it didn’t matter,” she tries one last time. 

“Shut up!” snarls Kylo and takes a few advancing steps towards her.

Seeing no way out, she ignites her saber and holds it out in front of her. “So be it.”

Of course Kylo charges at her first, swinging wide and striking down hard. Rey blocks his strike, her body easily now recalling her training. She pushes him back and they both spin around and repeat the same move again. His moves are easy to see now, meant to wear her down, but Rey is ready for it. When he comes down at her again, she slips under, feeling the heat of his blade pass by harmlessly as she pushes up and thrusts at his neck.

He quickly moves to the side, staring wildly as she slips by the side she’s marked before. This enrages Kylo of course and he tries to slash up at her but Rey spins away, dancing out of the path of it. Strike after strike lands, saber clashing together time and time again. Despite her earlier breakdown, Rey is calm now in the face of his anger. It proves to be her advantage as she keeps spooking him, getting closer to putting another deep cut into somewhere else on him. 

Trying poorly to hold the upper hand, Kylo keeps slipping, using messy and easily readable strikes. It almost seems like a shame how poorly he’s fighting her but then the tears in his eyes proves to be distract. In a mistake that almost costs her, his blade swipes close to her leg. Rey looks up at him, shocked that he almost took a limb.

“Why are you doing this?” she shouts and knocks one of his strikes away from her.

Kylo spins his saber and uses the build up momentum to strike from the side. She turns her saber down, catches his and lifts it up and away before jabbing out to try a strike at his side. He sidesteps it with a growl. 

“Quiet liar!” shouts Kylo. 

Taking a few quick steps back, Rey stares at him breathing steadily. “When did I lie? I know I did about my name but I haven’t about who I am. Everything I told you may have been blurred a little but it was all me.”

“I said _shut up_!” 

Running across the distant between them, Kylo takes a swipe at her head. Rey easily ducks out of the way and back steps again. “No,” she says. “Not until you answer me.” 

A deep frown sets on to his face and Kylo shifts his stance. It’s one she’s never seen before but Kylo is quick to make it know what’s it for. Scraping the floor with his saber, he flings bits of rock and sparks at her. Lifting an arm up to shield herself, he uses the moment she can’t see to hit down hard on her saber. Her arm shakes from the blow and Rey takes a step back as he advances again. Kylo strikes and she blocks but her arms turns numb from it. 

Without a second to recover, he’s on her again, but this time Rey runs, ducking under it and past him. He spins around wildly and chases after. She can hear him swiping at the air but Rey stops, turns, and pushes against the ground with the Force. She launches over him and their blades connect between them in the air. Rey lands and tumbles into a roll, spinning around at the end to face him.

He’s on her seconds later and she fights back to get on her fully feet again. Taking a few aggressive strikes herself, Kylo has to deal with defending for a few minutes as she pushes back. They end up pressed together, face to face, giving Rey a close look at how wild his eyes have become. Feeling something is wrong, that this is more than just anger, she pushes harder and forces them apart.

“I don’t want to fight you,” she pleads and lowers her saber to her side.

Pointing with his, he screams at her. “Lift it up! We’re not done!”

“When?” asks Rey. “What will it take to happen for this to be done?”

His bottom lip quivers as well as his hand shakes. “I said to _shut up_!” 

“No. I deserve some answers and you’ll give me them. It’s the least you can do.”

Kylo pulls his saber back, getting ready to come at her again. “What you _deserve_?!” he says with a sneer. “You get _nothing_ , you are _nothing,_ a liar that I want _nothing_ to do with.”

“That’s a lie,” yells Rey.

“NO!” he shouts and then comes at her.

He hits like a hammer and she drops right away down onto a knee. Putting her hand out, Rey pushes him with the Force but he counters quickly with his own hand. They get throw apart but Kylo is suddenly on his feet, coming at her like an unstoppable force. She buys herself a few seconds with a wild slash up that he avoids but quickly brings down his own saber for another crushing strike. Barely back on her feet, her knee wants to give in again but Rey holds.

They end up again grinding their sabers together again but this time Kylo speaks. “Give her back,” he says much to her surprise. “You give her back.”

“Give back who?” asks Rey over the sound of their blades crackling together.

“The woman I love!” he screams, taking away her moment to react and block his strike. 

Pushing her back, Kylo moves faster than she’s seen before and slashes at her so quickly Rey barely saw it. Pain and heat flashes hot along her side, she looks down and see’s her skin smoking. There is a long angry gash in her arm that goes from her elbow all the way up to her shoulder. Looking up to Kylo, he breathes out hard with unshed tears still clinging to his eyes.

Taking a slow step back, shock sets in and Rey can’t seem to recall what just happened. “But I’m her,” she says confused. “I’ve always been her.” 

A few fat tears roll down her cheeks. “Do you think I lied when I said I loved you? Did you lie to _me_? I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I can’t be anyone else but me. Don’t you think I’ve _tried_? You think you’re the only person who isn’t happy with who they are? That I didn’t use to think that if I was anyone else my family wouldn’t have _left me_?! I didn’t lie to you, I didn’t lie about how I feel. Why won't you _believe me_?”

“Rey,” Kylo breathes out.

“ _NO_!” she screams and blinks rapidly as she can’t see for a moment through her tears. “I didn’t lie to you, not about that. You called me a different name but I’ve always been Rey, always. You want to kill me? _COME AT ME THEN_!”

Holding up her saber, she winces in pain as her arms burns like it was on fire. “ _Try it_!” she shouts. “I’ll survive you! You won’t be able to kill me. Not you, not Jakku, _no one_ , you hear me!”

Slowly lowering his saber, Kylo stares at the wound on her arm. “You’re hurt,” he whispers. 

“SO WHAT?!” Rey screams as she starts to shake. “So what, what do you care? Just come at me, I want this to be over with.”

“I’m sorry,” he says softly.

Reaching up, she quickly wipes her tears away and points her saber at him. “NO! You started this, we’re finishing it right? To the death?! This what you _kriffing_ wanted!”

Tears fall from his eyes and Kylo silently shuts his eyes and takes a deep breath in. “No, this isn’t what I wanted.”

“Just fight me,” Rey pleads. “Because I can’t…”

“I’m sorry Rey,” he says with a quivering voice. “I am… I am so sorry. Are you… Are you alright?”

“NO!” she shouts as her whole body trembles. “I am _not_ alright.”

“It’s over now,” Kylo quietly says. “Ok? It’s over now.” 

His saber is extinguished and Rey just stares at him like he’s gone mad. Bending down, he puts his on the floor and then holds his hands up. “I’m coming to you.”

“ _Stop_!” yells Rey and takes a step back.

Keeping his hands up, he walks slowly towards her. “It’s finished.”

She watches him come closer and out of pure reaction, she swings her saber at his neck. Kylo stops and doesn’t move as she points the tip near his jugular. Her hands still tremble but she only needs to lean in a little more to remove his head from his shoulders.

“If you want to add another, I think I deserve it,” he says calmly despite still crying.

“Why?” she says in barely a whisper.

Licking his dry lips, Kylo lifts his chin up a little higher. “I love you Rey. You.”

“But you said.” 

“ _I know what I said_ ,” he speaks up before she can protest any further. “I was scared. Of you. That all of this between us isn’t our choice. I saw it, I saw how you have been feeling this bond between us. What am I supposed to think of that? That I have no choice in this or my feelings? You did lie to me, maybe not about who you are but you kept this from me and I reacted… poorly.”

“Poorly,” laughs Rey but it’s without any humor. “ _Poorly_?!”

He winces and takes another calming breath. “Yes,” sighs Kylo. “Can I please come closer and take a look at that? You need to see a medic.”

“No,” she says and steadies her grip on her saber. “And I’m sorry for not telling you about that but I couldn’t seeing as I couldn’t tell you about who I really was. But you made me think you hated me. What am I supposed to think and believe now?”

“Believe what you want but that doesn’t change anything, I love you Rey and you’re in love with me. I know that much, now _please_ … let me look at that.” 

She wants this fight to be done but her body won't lower her weapon. Looking at him, her heart is still breaking and Rey just wants to be free of her pain. Kylo’s eyes slow grow wider and she then notices he’s listening to her thoughts. The walls he’s built up come down and Rey lets out a soft gasp as he floods back to her. It’s not like before, now he washes over her instead of crashing at her feet. She feels it, what he feels for her and it leaves Rey’s head swimming.

Lowering her lightsaber, she extinguishes it and drops it to the floor. Kylo’s hands are suddenly on her and Rey hisses as he turns her to look at her arm. “Sorry,” he mutters.

Her neck unlocks itself and she head rolls forward, dropping on to his chest. He lets out a soft gasp, his hands trying to keep her upright. “Does it hurt?”

Shaking her head no, Rey shuts her eyes tightly. The worry he feels trickles in and joins the warm waters of his emotions. “I missed you,” whispers Rey and she feels moments later Kylo understanding her meaning.

The currents shift, wrapping around her like his arms would and he holds her in his mind. A strong hand gently takes hold of her chin and tilts her head back and up. “I love you so much,” mutters Kylo before he leans in and kisses her.

Rey remains still but slowly she wakes back up, coming back into herself the longer he touches her. Wrapping her good arm around him, Kylo’s hands grab on her sides as she lifts up on her toes. They kiss like it’s been years between last doing so and Rey feels them both shake against one another. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispers and places kiss after kiss to her face and jaw. “I’m so sorry Rey. I didn’t… I shouldn’t have hurt you.”

She smiles a little, drunk and happy to have her sorrow no longer have such a tight grip upon her. “It’s ok,” mumbles Rey. “We match now.”

His arms hold to her tighter and Rey hopes softly that he’ll never let her go. Kylo hears her thoughts, breathes out across her ear. “I wont, I wont let you go. I love you Rey, _I love you_. It’s always been _you_. I think I knew it, all this time but I couldn’t… I just couldn’t accept it.”

Their mouths meet again and she finds him stealing her breath away. “I like how you say my name. Say it again.”

Kylo pulls back and looks down worried at her. She smiles softly and reaches up to touch his face. “I wanted to hear you say it for so long,” she mutters.

“Rey,” he says and this time it comes out like a precious prayer, filled with hope and trembling emotion. 

Tracing his scar, her fingers fall away and despite his confusion she pulls away too. “Thank you,” she says pressing a hand to his chest as her head bows slightly. “I’ll go to the clinic now.”

“I’ll take you,” he starts to say but she puts a hand up to silence him.

“I’ll be fine,” she says. “I just… I need some time to process this. It’ll be fine, we’re fine. Just wait for me, in our room.”

“I don’t think that’s a smart idea.”

Brushing a hand through her hair, she misses it being long enough to pull back away from her face. “I’m fine, I’ll tell them I got hurt in the fire. Really, it just aches at the moment.”

Carefully she pushes Kylo out of her mind, slowly and gently, until he’s nothing more than a soft and distant feeling. His face becomes sullen and there is a small part of her that likes he’s getting a taste of what he did to her.

“Just trust me, please?” says Rey. “To show I trust you, please take my lightsaber back to the room with yours.”

A quick surprise crosses his face but Kylo slowly gives in to what she wants. “They’re both mine technically,” he says.

“Not anymore,” she scoffs. “The other one has been revoked from you and been given to me. Besides, you have one already." 

“You could always build your own,” suggests Kylo. 

She shakes her head and then reaches across her chest to cradle her arm. “Maybe I will, but not today. So will you do it?”

“Yes,” he says and then holds out an arm towards his saber. It flies to him and then he looks to hers. Knowing he must be thinking of the last time he tried to do so, Rey watches this time the saber comes to his hand. Looking down at both, he then looks up to her. “Don’t be gone long.”

“I can’t make any promises to that but I’ll do my best,” she says with a smile weakly, too tired to produce anything proper.

Not waiting for him to say anything more, Rey moves to leave and doesn’t think about that he stays behind. She’s sure he needs space too to think and then later they can talk about it, about her and the strange vision their shared. Walking down the hidden hall, her arm begins to ache and by the time she reaches the clinic it’s throbbing painfully so. There are others there with burns so no one questions how she was hurt. 

Bacta is applied quickly and it soothes instantly. Rey is shown to a bed to sit on by one of the medics and she lies back against a propped up pillow as the gel works. Her mind wanders, half in a daze, and partly wishing to slip into sleep. Shutting eyes, Rey gives in and just rests, listening to the noise in the clinic. The sounds are made up of people talking about injuries, quickly giving out orders on what to do about them, and some idle small talk by two medics badly needing a break.

Slowly her peace is broken thought as images of her and Kylo’s vision seeps slowly back into her mind. She clearly recalled the horror but that hadn’t been all there was. The woman who had spoken to them, and Kylo of all people had called beautiful, baffled Rey. The meaning to her words was lost but she did get the smallest feeling the truth wouldn’t always remain hidden from her. Kylo must be thinking of the same thing because she feels something stir in the back of her mind. She’s still blocking him mostly but Rey can sense he’s turning over the same ideas as her.

Time passes and it feels like it drags on for days before the medic comes over and peels the long patch off. Underneath her skin soft and tender but the wound is completely closed. Just a long scar now remains, pink, thin, and long. It still amazes Rey how well and quickly the First Order’s bacta works, she knows she needs to sneak some out when her mission is over with. 

Gloved hands carefully trace and smooth her skin before wiping away the extra gel left over. “Looks good, just be careful with your arm for a day other wise the scarring might grow,” says a tired looking medic.

“Thank you,” speaks up Rey as she gets off the bed.

Her feet move on their own, slowly and robotically out of the clinic and through the halls. Despite having both what she wanted, time and space, Rey’s mind is anything by sorted. Kylo’s mind acts like a beacon and she finds herself staring at the door to their new room. Not wanting to wait any longer, she enters and finds him sitting on his bed. He looks up at her and stands quickly, his eyes flicker to her arm and then to her eyes. His wig is off and so are his glasses, they lay together on the bed in a messy pile.

“Are you alright?” he asks, his voice soft and low. Rey wonders if he’s been crying.

“I’m fine,” she says and stays by the door to look around the room.

He remains silently as she does do, remaining by the bed as he waits for her to move. Close to him now physically, Rey can’t help but feel their bond vividly. Not much information passes through it but it hums warmly, making its presence known. Slowly her walls come down but he doesn’t rush in like before and she doesn’t try to touch his mind as well. They just stand and look at one another. 

“Now what?” she asks.

“I don’t know,” he mutters. “I don’t think we can go back to how things were before.”

“Of course not,” says Rey with a gentle shake of her head. “But that doesn’t have to be something bad.”

Kylo searches her gaze and she feels him shyly try to brush along her thoughts. She catches a glimpse of what he wants and she quickly yearns for it too. “It’s ok,” she breathes out, repeating his words back at him.

Holding up her arms Rey waits, he could take years to cross the room to her and she would remain where she is. Kylo does so instead in only a few long strides but pauses before her. Lifting her head up, her hands slips around under her arms and pulls him close for a change. Squeezing him around the waist, Rey presses her face to his chest and feels whatever last walls she had up crumble down.

“Can we…” she mutters, lips and arms trembling along with her voice. “Can we just start over?” 

Carefully and slowly Kylo puts his arms around her, Rey shivers as he curls around her. “No,” he whispers. “Despite everything that’s happened, I wouldn’t want to throw it all away.”

“And you still want me?” whispers Rey.

His arms tighten around her and she feels his lips brush against her hair. “Of course,” he says so softly. “I want all of you Rey. Can’t you feel that?”

She slips in deeper to his mind that lies open before her like a calm ocean. It’s much like falling in their vision but it’s only him around her this time. His thoughts wrap and cocoon her as she gets flashes of ideas and wants from him. Some are comforting and surprising sweet words he’s never found a way to say to her. Others burn her but not painfully, they simmer with a deep need to be closer to her completely and utterly so. The last few makes her gasp before he pulls them away, the images of them pressed together with nothing between them fading.

Her own want surges forth and it’s Rey turn to surprise Kylo. He lifts his head up and back just enough to look down at her. “We can’t,” he says. “Your arm.”

“I trust you,” she whispers and meets his gaze. “But I want this too. I… I want to feel… loved.”

His eyes narrow and Kylo shakes his head at her. “That’s not the only way to feel that.”

Licking her lips, she notices him looking down at the quick movement. “I know,” breathes out Rey. “I know that but it’s just what I need right now. I want to feel something that isn’t just in our heads. I need you Kylo. I want you.”

“You say stop, we stop,” he says and his hand on her back moves slowly up.

She shuts her eyes and feels his fingers trace up the back of her neck. “Yes,” sighs Rey as feels how much he wants this too. 

Kylo’s lips brush against hers and she leans up into the kiss as their similar needs mixes and burns together. The hand on her neck slips down and his other joins it reaching down to tug her tank top free. He pulls it up and they move apart so he can remove it fully. The room is brightly lit, half from the lights in the ceiling and half from the sunlight filtering in through the snow falling outside the window. It’s too late to feel shy about removing her clothes in the light and Rey doesn’t allow it to stop her. She removes her own bra on her own. It falls to the floor and she reaches out to grab his tank top. Kylo bends down slightly and Rey pulls it up and over his head.

Piece by piece they undress one another and their fingers glide over the newly exposed skin. If someone would pass by the window right now there would be no mistake in what they are about to do. The fear of that doesn’t stop them though, Rey thinks nothing would be able to between the two of them. Taking a step back, Kylo pulls her away from their discarded clothes and towards the other bed that is to be hers. 

They stand next to it naked and Kylo hesitates a moment. “Are you?” he asks and she sees the memory of what Amaza had said to him in the mess hall play through his eyes.

Rey smiles and gets a flush high on her cheeks. “Yes, they give every female worker a pill. Can’t have unexpected children happening on a secret military base now.”

“Of course,” Kylo sputters, knowing that but still wanting to be sure. 

“Lay down with me my love,” she whispers.

A deep shiver runs through him and he looks at her with dark eyes, his pupils blown wide. Rey reaches down and pulls back the blankets before slipping on to the bed. Holding on to his hand, she pulls him down to her and Kylo lays down beside her. Brushing a hand down her face, he looks her over slowly.

“I have to ask you something first,” he says.

Rey leans her face into his touch, her eyes partly shut. “Yes?”

“What happened to your face?”

Her eyes open wide and Rey suddenly laughs. “Oh, my face?” she chuckles.

“Yeah,” he says while taking in every curve of it. “I can sort of see you now but what or who did it?”

Grabbing his hand, Rey pulls it to her lips and kisses his palm. “Some doctor, I don’t really know. They just told me it’ll last until my mission was over. Oh, wait, I can do something.”

Watching her get out of bed, Kylo sits up as she opens her trunk and digs around in it. Pulling out a small box, Rey rushes off into the refresher. She stares into the mirror while she washes her hands quickly before pulling out her contacts. They are stored away and Rey leaves the box on the counter. Blinking a few times, it’s strange to see her normal eye color back.

Rushing back out, she gets into the bed again, more cold than nervous. Looking to Kylo, his eyes open wide at her brown eyes. “Oh,” he breathes out. “I… I never noticed that.”

His hand reaches out and he strokes her cheek while taking a good look at her eyes. “But you keep them in all the time,” he mutters.

“I only need to replace them once a week. I did it in the toilet so you wouldn’t see,” smiles Rey.

Pushing on her skin, his fingers try and feel out the injections. They push against her skin but Rey is use to it now. “That’s… strange,” whispers Kylo.

“But it works,” she says with a shrug. “You didn’t notice.”

Letting an odd little hum out, Kylo brushes back her bangs, holding them against her head as he leans in to kiss her forehead. Rey makes her own pleased hum and moves her hands over his chest, her fingers following the smooth curve of his skin. Turning towards her, Kylo has them they roll together. Rey ends up on to her back and he hovers over her. Letting go of her hair, Rey’s bangs sweep back down across her face as their mouths meet.

It’s different this time as they kiss slowly, she hears and feels Kylo so openly. She also gets the sense he feels her too in the same way. They respond to one another, creating a strange feedback loop of information. Rey slips a hand into his hair, her fingers tugging lightly on his locks and she shivers from the pleasure that runs through him. Kylo’s own hand glides along her body, teasing Rey with his fingertips. She catches quickly all the little wants that he brushes aside for what they ultimately both desire.

Long fingers slip between her legs and Rey opens them further apart, welcoming him closer. Gasping together as one, Kylo touches her gently as their lips pull apart but remain close. They shiver and hover against one another as he slowly strokes her, using their bond as a guide as to where to touch her. Rey’s head rolls back into the pillow behind her and he descends on her neck, littering it with kisses and gentle nips. With her eyes firmly shut, she licks her lips and swears she can taste her skin through his mouth.

Kylo’s fingers move slowly down even further, circling her and spreading more of her own moisture across herself. She opens her eyes and Kylo looks up at her, they stare silently as he slips in just one finger. Her mouth opens, lips trembling, but his touch is amazingly gently. Moving back and forth into her, going a little deeper with each pass, Kylo never pressing harder into her than her body will allow.

“Relax,” he whispers. “Breath slowly.”

Inch by inch Rey tries to, she thinks about any tension in her body as something to be breathed out. With each slow exhale, she lets go and Kylo’s finger moves in knuckle deep. Rey has touched herself before, like he is now, but this is his hand touching her now and it feels quite different. Looking into his eyes, they stare at her so warmly it leaves Rey wondering how they could ever be angry. He seems to catch her thought because a ghost of a smile twitches at Kylo’s lips. 

“Are you sure you want to be this open?” he asks.

“Yes,” utters Rey. “I don’t want to be hiding behind anything else. I just want to be only me, have you see only me.” 

“I do,” he says and leans down to kiss her. “I see just you.”

The hand between her legs withdraws but to only to add another finger along with his first. Rey moans into Kylo’s mouth as he works both in, slow and gentle like the first. When she shakes in pleasure, he moans into their kiss and pulls back to speak.

“I want to make this work,” he declares almost desperately. Whatever happens, I want to Rey.”

Hearing her name again, spoken with love and lust, leaves Rey quaking in joy. “I do too, whatever happens I’m not giving up, not on you.”

They kiss messily and greedy with need. It serves Rey well as it keeps her mind from his hand and the eventual third finger that joins in to stretch her open. His touch is always just right, feeling through her to keep from going too far or too fast. Every time she tightens up around him, Kylo stills and uses his fingers to curl and ease her back open. When he shifts slightly, adjusting his arm to something more comfortable, Rey feels him brush against her. 

She looks at him concerned and he shakes his head. “I’m fine,” says Kylo.

“But I would like to,” utters Rey and slowly moves her hand down towards him.

“Alright,” he breathes out and carefully removes his hand from her.

Biting down on her lips, she swallows a low groan as he rubs her gently one last time before reaching for her hand. He takes her by the wrist and she turns her head to look down as she’s lead to his half hard cock. She can feel he’s nervous but Kylo does wish for her to touch him too, that much she sure of. Guiding her fingers around himself near the very base, she takes a firm hold of him as he trembles with want. Putting his hand over Rey’s, Kylo has them stroke up slowly, pushing his foreskin up and over the peaking tip. They repeat this over a few times, moving slow but firmly up and down.

Rey wants to ask how he feels but as soon as she thinks it he lets her see for herself. A choking gasp is rung from Rey and her fingers tighten around him, they both groan out low and she quickly relaxes. After he’s sure she’s got the right rhythm, Kylo let's go and moves to slip his hand back into her. When he’s buried inside her, Rey forgets to breath for a moment. This thumb rubs slow circles, pressing into her clit as he curls his fingers inside of her.

“You’re terrible,” she mutters and tries to get back at Kylo by stroking him a little faster.

“Horrible really,” he jokes and then kisses her.

It’s a bad kiss but she feels too good to care. Their lips smashed together as their teeth bump and clack. The only thing that saves it from being truly bad as when he sucks on her tongue, pulling a low groan out of Rey. It’s hard to kiss well when their hands are thoroughly distracting them both. They work on one another until Rey is more than ready and Kylo is completely hard in her hand. It’s still difficult to stop and she wonders if they’ll both finish this way first. 

“Not now,” growls Kylo and he does so in such a way it’s absolutely exhilarating. “I want to be inside of you.”

She shakes from how much she wants the same thing and they both stop together, knowing it’s time to go farther now. Her fingers trace his length one last time and wonders what it’s going to feel like, being that close to him.

“Let’s find out,” he purrs and Rey uses her other hand to grab at his neck, pulling him down into a hard kiss.

“I love you,” she mutters and feels those three words are just not enough anymore.

“I love you too, so much,” he says as he moves his body on top of hers.

The bond between them has never been brighter or stronger, she feels her heart beat through it and his, beating in time with her own. Lifting a leg up, Rey brushes it along his side and it’s the only sign he needs to reach down and take a hold of himself. Kylo looks at her and Rey stares back, she smiles slowly and for once he does the same. It’s a bright warm thing and it takes her breath away that she gets to see it. It fills her with hope, that things for once might be alright. 

“It is alright,” he answers. “We have each other now.” 

Words like that coming from Kylo should be something to be laughed at but Rey believes it, knows its true somewhere deep inside herself. There’s nothing left between them now hold them back. Any fear Rey had is blissfully gone and all she can feel is Kylo, warm and ever present above her. 

“Yes we do,” she says and wiggles her hips just slightly at him.

“Relax,” he reminds her and settles himself in closer.

Pushing against to her, Kylo looks down and watches as the tip of his cock slips in. Rey takes a deep breath in and they both make soft little moans and groans as he moves slowly. Resting his elbows on either side of her head, Kylo looks down at her and Rey leans up to kiss him as he glides further in. Their hips meet, connected fully as she tries to steal his breath away from him. Groaning low into her mouth before they part, Kylo leans his head to hers and slowly rocks his hips back.

When he moves forward again, Rey makes a noise she’s never heard before. It’s raw and rumbles from the back of her throat, causing a quick shiver to run down Kylo’s spine from it alone. It thrills her to see he’s affected just as much as she is by him. It only spurs her on, making Rey wrap her legs around Kylo’s waist as they move together. It pushes him in deeper and Rey leans her head back and lets out a long and deep groan. 

Blunt teeth pull at her neck and Kylo sucks lightly along the tight muscle. The pleasure that fills her, steady and building, it everything she’s wondered about and more. It doesn’t compare to her own hands or even to his touch. It’s so much more and she doesn’t want to stop, just for them to go faster and harder. Kylo hears her thoughts and he starts to rock into her steadily, making the tight pressure in her stomach grow into something delightful.

Their noses brushed together as their eyes met, Rey puts her arms around his neck and Kylo doesn’t dare look away from her. They breathe in the same air and share small whispers between their minds. Words don’t seem to be enough so they use images and feelings, communicating privately in their own world. Not only are they entangled physically but mentally as well, their minds twist around each like vines. As she pushes his worries away, all the bad memories that want to float up, Kylo does the same to her. They care for one another, closely and intimately, in only a way they can.

Becoming so wrapped up in their minds, Rey finds herself letting out quick little gasps as Kylo’s hips move quickly into hers. The sound of their skin slapping together fills her ears and she holds on to him as an overwhelm sense of pleasure fills her completely. Breathing loudly in her ear, Kylo pants as his sweat drips down on to her and mixes with her own that coats her skin in a thin sheet. They rut together, chasing a feeling that keeps growing in size. Her whole body shakes, slipping against the sheets as Kylo grunts and shifts his hips.

Hitting a spot inside of her more deeply, Rey cries out and puts her mouth against his shoulder. Slipping an arm around her back, Kylo pulls Rey up and closer as his other tugs on her hips, moving them down towards his. Needy little moans flow in one long series of gasping breathes from Rey and she digs her fingers into his skin.

“ _Kylo_!” she cries out and can feel a piece of her screaming to break.

There are too many emotions passing between them, both their minds are white hot from it. When Kylo’s his lips brush against hers, Rey lets out a building scream that he quickly smoothers. She’s kissed through her orgasm that hit her hard, making her tremble like she’s freezing but her body is bleeding heat. Kylo still moves against her, his own need still eating at him as she slips away into a bliss that leaves her fingers tingling.

Tears roll down her cheeks but she couldn’t feel happier if she tried. Looking up to him, she watches Kylo’s face pinch and dip. His skin goes red and she feels everything about him tighten before coming undone inside of her. A low and raw groan shakes from his lips as his hips jerk a few last times before going still. His arms give out and Kylo quickly smothers Rey with his weight. She’s too tired to try and move him, as long as she can still breathe she’ll let him lay where he is.

He only stays long enough to catch his breath and then reaches down with a grunt to pull himself out. Rolling on to his back, Kylo rests his hands on his stomach and stares at the ceiling. When Rey rolls on to her side, an ache thrumming between her legs, is when he turns to look at her.

“Are you ok?” he asks, looking a touch worried. 

She nods silently and moves to lean her head onto his shoulder. Kylo gathers her up into his arm, wrapping it around her and pulling her in close. Pressing a kiss to her sweaty temple, he smiles against her skin. They lay quietly for a few moments until something bubbles up slowly in him. It takes Rey by surprise but Kylo feels it much more distinctly, shocking him to his core.

An odd little chuckle rumbles out of him and she can see and feel him fighting it back. Lifting a hand up he covers his eyes, hiding a fresh set of tears springing forth. Concern fills her and Rey puts a hand on his chest.

“What’s wrong?” she asks. 

“Nothing,” he sniffles and wipes away some of the traitorous tears. 

Whatever he’s feeling, it grabs on to him harshly, rending a low sob out of Kylo. He covers his mouth next and looks helpless as he breaks apart suddenly. Hope fills his chest, so much so that Rey can only watch in shock as he cries over it. The cause is clearly enough to her and it brings tears to Rey’s eyes too. 

“Don’t,” says Kylo as tries to get back control over his emotions. “It’s bad enough that I’m… I’m crying.”

“You can cry,” she says and feels a few of hers slip down her cheeks. Reaching up to his face, she turns it towards her and kisses his lips quickly. “It’s ok, it’s ok to feel those things.” 

Rolling on to his side, Kylo wraps his arms around her and presses his face to her neck. She can feel even more tears roll down between them as he shakes, trying his best to swallow his sobs. A few get past him and Rey calmly strokes her hand through his hair, sending him calming feelings. Images flash through his mind, so bright and sharp that she could hardly miss them. He cries for himself and then his family, the ones still here and the one gone, done in by his own hand. She holds him through it all, even when he ends with sobbing softly for the child he use to be, the one he can still recall bits of. Before Snoke he was happy, before the darkness he only knew the light. To have it back now, to be apart of her light on some way, Kylo feels for the first time in what has felt like forever, hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So we finally made it!!!! Congrats!! 
> 
> Now for the bad news! I'll be offline for most of the month of May traveling, I'm driving all the way from Los Angeles to Massachusetts and back again. I'll have my laptop with me and if I have the time I'll be writing new chapters most likely in motel rooms. Wifi will be questionable but I might be able to swing some stuff via mobile. Until the end of the month don't expect many updates if any sadly, I am very sorry about this and I worked hard to get to this chapter before then. 
> 
> This was a very emotional chapter for me to write, I cried a lot working on it and I hope it's touched some of you. The ending is actually a bit of a kick off for a new long arc with Kylo that will last far into the second story. This first story still has a long way to go and I won't give up on it, I love these babies too much and I have far too much planned. As always you can check out [my tumblr for updates](http://ellensama.tumblr.com/) which I'll be posting about on my trip along with BB8 photos of her traveling across the US with me.
> 
> I want to thank everyone who's read this fic, all of you who have left kudos or comments, I read each one. Also to all of those out there I have no clue about cause you just read this totally unknown to me, thank you.


	28. A Home You Never Knew You Had

A still calm settles over the winter landscape, the wind pushing any remaining thick cloud cover and falling snow away. In the newly exposed dark sea of the night sky, hundreds of stars twinkle around a massive nebula that hovers nearby. Inside the glowing red gases, new stars come to life and take shape, barely glowing through the thick haze that holds them. Rey watches their faint starlight, knowing each would last far beyond her own lifespan. It leaves her to wonder which will come to host systems with life, and which would remain barren. The nebula itself was a clever hiding spot for the base and superweapon. It would have remained unnoticed if the Resistance had been looking for it by conventional means, instead they found it through intelligence alone.

Keeping her eyes fixed upon the cosmic nursery, she pulls the blanket around her shoulder her up a little higher. Despite the thickness of the transparisteel, some of the chill from the outside still seeps in. The cold had felt good at first, cooling the sweat drying on her skin, and satisfying the desert dwelling part inside of her. In the end it became too much, driving Rey to fetch a thick blanket off of the other bed that she had remained under for a little under an hour.

Looking away from the stars, Rey turns her gaze to the body hidden under the other blanket. She feels Kylo’s mind wake first, then physically he stirs shortly after. Curling into himself, he then stretches outward before turning over on to his other side. Letting out a low groan, a mess of black hair appears, and then the rest of Kylo’s face. Silently they stare at one another, his half awake mind bleeding information to her. The dried tears on his cheeks, and how they pinch at his skin, she feels distinctly. His thoughts on how she looks at that very moment come, across perfectly clear.

Smiling at the sweet and raw thoughts, they have an immediate effect on Rey, causing her to flush a deep red. Her own mind gently drifts over Kylo’s in a gesture of greeting, he gives her a quick smile back before she turns to the window once again. There is some uncertainty that remains, on what to do, on what exactly to say about what they have just done not long ago. Her body still aches from it, in places that have never ached before. It’s not an wholly unpleasant feeling, but it easily sparks her new memories to play over and over again.

The sound of Kylo’s heavy feet hitting the floor pulls Rey from her thoughts, but she doesn’t turn away from the night sky Listening to his signature gait, his bare feet move towards a closet that he opens. The rustling of fabric signals he’s changing into a set of night clothes, it doesn’t last long, and soon enough Kylo is crossing the room to stand next to her.

“Found a spot you like?” he asks in a voice low and tainted with sleep.

Rey doesn’t answer Kylo but instead moves herself forward, opening the blanket to give him the space he needs. He wastes no time settling in behind her, but it proves tricky to figure out how both to fit on the ledge. After adjusting their limbs to keep from knocking either off, the blanket proves to be large enough to hold them both easily. Under it Kylo gently takes a hold Rey by her waist while she doesn’t hesitate to lean back into his warmth. An unexpected and satisfied sigh escapes from Rey and Kylo quickly agrees with the unconscious gesture.

“This is nice,” says Rey as one of her hands reach down to cover one of Kylo’s. “I miss seeing the sky.”

As soft as a gentle breeze Kylo brushes across Rey’s mind, taking in the full sense of her words. He touches briefly the memories that are connected to them, see’s the brief flashes of deep blues and burning colors that come with the long Jakku sunsets. For a moment Rey even feels that she back there, standing on the crest of a dune, watching the bloated sun sink below the horizon. As the hot wind soaks into her skin and toys with her loose strands of hair, she feels there is nothing left keeping their minds separated anymore.

The sunset gives way but Kylo doesn’t venture far in distance, but rather in time as his mind skips from memory to memory. He finally settles on one where she is years younger, crawling her way up a ladder with an excitement Rey can still easily recall. Teen sized hands grab on to the metal bars, gleefully she lifts herself up them one at a time. At the top Rey pushes on a hatch that creaks and groans, but opens to a blue  endless sky. Lifting her dusty body out, she stands at the very top of a crashed Star Destroyer.

Far in the distance hang bloated storm clouds, these particular clouds she’s been waiting all year to arrive. Most are white but there are a few dark grey ones, angry and already rumbling faintly with thunder. Pulling her goggles up, Rey shuts her eyes and feels the cool wind blowing ahead of the storm. Despite the fact that the storm will mean less food, it signifies plenty of water to come that she’ll have to store carefully to make it last. Having a few days break from the heavy and ever present Jakku heat only adds to her joy.

Yanking off her head wrap, she pulls at her buns until her hair flies free. Blowing around her in waves of brown, her sweat cools and she lets out a sharp and cry. For a moment Rey feels happy and free.

“You really are a sight to behold,” says Kylo from behind her.

Turning around, she finds him standing on the edge of the tower, black robes and hair flapping in the wind. One of his hands is wrapped around an antenna to keep from falling, and the other is cradling his helmet under his arm. She can’t stop from thinking to herself how different she views him, that his black attire no longer frightens her.

“This is interesting,” mutters Rey.

Looking down and around, Kylo grunts softly in agreement. “This place really is a junkyard.”

Lifting a heavy bag full of parts off of her shoulder, Rey drops it down, and then kicks it off the side of the tower with no hesitation. Watching it fall and scatter below, she feels deeply satisfied having done so. Her hands hurry to remove even more, her goggles following her bag down, and then her wrap that she lets floats off into the wind.

“Yes it is,” says Rey bitterly.

Silently Kylo watches her for a moment before looking away to take back in the landscape. “Mind if I try out a few things?” he asks calmly.

Turning her gaze toward the approaching clouds, Rey listens to the distant and deep thunder. “Go right ahead,” she says with a shrug of her shoulders.

Lighting bursts forth out of the clouds but the memory changes around them as the thunder cracks and fades. Rey finds herself now standing in a large room, it’s dark but there is one beam of light pouring in from a hole in the ceiling. She recognizes it instantly as one of the giant hangers on the crash Star Destroyer. Her bag is back hanging from her shoulder, just as heavy as the one before it, Rey drops to the floor with a disgusted sneer. The metal parts inside clang together loudly but she’s too busy noticing her hands have become even smaller than before. Far above her a set of distinct footsteps bang against metal, a knows she knows sound well, and finds Kylo walking high above her on the ceiling.

“What are you doing up there?” yells Rey as she pulls her staff off of her back.

He looks up at her as he walks over a support beam, his hair seems to obey the same gravity as his feet do and hangs down around his face. “Just seeing what exactly I can do,” he shouts down to her.

At the next beam Kylo grabs on to it and jumps, his body twisting through the air gracefully. Rey watches as he floats down through the pillar of light, moving slowly through the air as if he was sinking through water. The ends of his robes flap around, reminding Rey of bird wings. His heavy boots touch the floor and Kylo stands before her looking slightly amused.

“You’re so short,” he chuckles.

“I’m ten,” snaps Rey as she loudly bangs the end of her staff against the floor.

Kylo’s shape blurs, like heat on the horizon, and suddenly he appears as the same age as her a moment later. He’s still taller of course, and his clothes have shrunk too to fit his new shape, but the sight leave Rey unsettled. She finds him shockingly thin, with limbs that are a touch too long for his body, but he appears at any moment he may sprout into them.

“Is this better?” says Kylo in a much younger voice.

“No,” scoffs Rey. “This is weird.”

He smiles easily and she flushes at the sight. Despite how awkward Kylo looks in his youth, Rey can see in his face the parts he’s grown into later as an adult. The meeting of them at the same young age could never have happened, but Rey can’t help but wonder about the trust she’s earned to be able to see this side of Kylo. Looking into his eyes, she finds that they still hold a light that life has yet to completely wear down. If not for the dark circles under his eyes, he would look completely untroubled. Silently she wonders why he appears unrested and a whisper of a name comes as an answer. A flash of pain streaks through Kylo along with memories of Snoke’s words, but Rey quickly reaches for him, grabbing at one of his ears that stick out to distract him from it.

“Oh I like this,” she says gently tugging on a lobe. “You were pretty cute as a kid.”

Lightly knocking her hand away, Kylo’s cheeks turn bright red. “Don’t get use to it,” he says before turning from her.

Passing through the beam of light, his form blurs again as he shifts back to his full height. Rey already misses the younger him but she won’t allow herself linger on the feeling. His parents had longed enough for that boy, and she wouldn’t dare be another to add to that list. Passing into the shadows, Kylo stops and turns his head back. She looks at the long line of his nose, the width of his broad shoulders, and down his back to his open hand that beckons her to come closer.

Rey has no need to remain in such a place ever again, she walks through the light and turns back to her correct age before coming out the other side to take his hand. Kylo looks down, quietly observing the outfit his mother had given her before she went to look for his uncle. There is only a slight narrowing of his eyes as he ingests the origins of her outfit through their bond. 

“Where to now?” asks Rey, wanting to be anywhere else other than Jakku.

The corner of Kylo’s lips curve up into a thin smile. “How about somewhere more civilized?”

She gives him nudge with her hip, letting out a small huff at what he might be insinuating. “And where exactly do you consider civilized?”

Squeezing her hand, Kylo starts to walk straight ahead, pulling her along. “You’ll see,” he says low and confidently.

The room darkens, turning into a blur of shapes that sharpen not long after into a tunnel. One by one lights flicker on, lighting the way out. Slowly the noise of somewhere busy starts to build, echoing off the walls in voices and the sound of passing speeders. Excitement grips Rey tightly as they exit out onto a large walkway but the view takes her breath away.

A sea of buildings rise up before them, more than Rey has ever seen or dreamt of. The top of each one appears to touch the night sky as busy streams of speeders and ships pass between them. Further beyond the buildings the stars in the sky are barely visible with all pollution of light. The view doesn’t hold Rey’s attention long and she soon turns to stare all the people walking about. She’s never seen so many people either, or so well dressed. They don’t seem to notice her but she looks at every outfit, at every passing hairstyle, the next always seemingly more complex than the last. 

“Where are we?” asks Rey but doesn’t wait for an answer, instead hurries over to a nearby railing to gaze over the edge.

Kylo follows her unrushed and speaks when he’s just behind her. “This is Coruscant.”

“I’ve never…” Rey starts to say but her words die quickly on her tongue.

Gloved covered hands, softer than any leather she’s felt, brushed over her shoulders, draping something across it. Turning around, Rey finds Kylo dressed quite differently. Her heart easily skips a beat as she stares in awe, elegant black robes have replaced his normal well worn attire. The material looks soft and beyond expensive. A cape made from the same cloth hangs from Kylo’s shoulders, swaying easily in the wind. It serves to add to the whole regal looking effect enveloping him currently. Like the city, it’s so vastly different from anything she’s ever seen or imagined him in, but he wears it with a easy confidence Rey feels madly envious of.

Looking him over from head to toe, she catches a glimpse at the edge of her own outfit that has changed too. Taking a step back, Rey hurries to look herself over and finds a dress hugging her form. It shimmers faintly in a blue so deep it's almost darker than black. A delicate floral design in gold practically glows against the fabric as it forms a belt around her waist before continuing down over the gown. Lifting her arms up, she looks over the short jacket she also has on, the sleeves running all the way down to her wrists. Her hair feels free about her head, hanging down about her neck and shoulders.

“Do you like it?”

With a quick snap up of her head, Rey stares utterly shocked at Kylo. The looks melts away as she shakes her head bashfully. “I love it,” she says quietly. “This is… I just.”

A warm smile makes itself at home on Kylo’s lips, it’s soft, private, and holds her firmly in place. Reaching out to her, Kylo takes Rey’s hands and holds them gently in his own.

“I have one more thing I want to show you,” he says unusually soft. “To show I was serious about something.”

Gathering Rey to his side, Kylo carefully directs her to take hold of his arm, stunning her with the simple motion. They move together slowly, Kylo leading them to walk along a paved pathway. Rey knows they must look like any of the other couples strolling around them, but she doesn’t know how to feel about that. To decide on what is more distracting, the busy world around them, or Kylo himself, seems to be an exercise in futility. Between the two Rey keeps looking back and forth, first to the skyline, and then to the slight crinkle at the corner of Kylo’s eyes as he steals a look down to her.

They don’t walk far and Kylo stops them before a stunning view. Between the buildings there is a tall sliver of exposed sky that dips all the way down to the horizon. In the distance a huge orange moon rises slowly, filling the space as its edges touching the sides of two towering buildings. Lost in the utter awe of the view, it holds her enraptured until Kylo leans down to speak near her ear. 

“Behind us is a restaurant,” he says in a low whisper. “I want you to meet me here three weeks after you leave the base.”

Turning her head to look at him, Kylo’s nose presses into her cheek, leaving Rey to fight off a violent shiver. “Three weeks?” she mutters breathless.

Reaching up to her jaw, Kylo traces the curve of it with a feather light touch, breaking Rey’s control easily. Quivering against him, Kylo’s voice sounds as equally affected as she is at the moment.

“That’s usually the amount of time it takes for people to leave me alone after I return from a long mission,” he utters. “Only after then would coming to a place like Coruscant for a night go unnoticed by anyone.”

“You know you don’t have to do this, we don’t have to do any of this,” whispers Rey. “If someone caught sight of you, of us.”

“They won’t,” insists Kylo. “Few know my face, and you’ll be the only one on Coruscant who would know.”

Moving their joined hands, Rey pulls it closer and tugs off his glove. It falls to the ground as she lightly kisses the tips of each of his fingers. Kylo pulls in a quick hiss of air and being so close to her ear, it’s impossible for Rey to miss the sound of it.

“What about me?” she says between the light pecks. “I’m sure someone might know my face seeing as I had a hand in the destruction of the First Order’s greatest weapon and found Luke Skywalker.”

Bitterness at the sound of his uncle’s name stings at Kylo but Rey doesn’t stop touching him until it’s soothed away. “Some could take that as a penchant for trouble and just outright avoid you,” he says pressing a light kiss to her ear.

“Are you insinuating that _I_ am trouble?” huffs Rey.

His hands drift down and start to encircle her hips, pressing his thumbs into the heavy fabric. “There is no insinuating on my part when we both know that’s a fact. You are very much trouble, the worst kind.”

Narrowing her eyes, Rey doesn’t let the mischief in his smirk or gaze affect her for long. Lifting a hand to one of his ears, she touches the edge and recalls how large they looked on a younger him. They still look charmingly big despite his efforts to hide them with his hair. Hearing her thoughts, Kylo reaches up and pulls her hand away with a warning gaze.

“See, trouble,” he says and then nips at her fingers in return.

Watching his tongue dart out, Rey feels him promise her something more later. “You are just as much trouble as I am,” adds just a little breathless.

Pausing at her ring finger, Kylo smirks wide to give her a quick flash of teeth. “So you admit it then?”

“I admit nothing.”

A low growl, needy and raw, rumbles from Kylo as he pulls Rey closer. His hand reaches up between them, to tug back the tall collar of her jacket, giving him the space he needs to set his mouth upon her neck. Hot pleasure rolls down Rey’s spine, causing her back to bend in his arms as her mouth falls open. She can’t stop herself from grabbing on to Kylo’s shoulders, her head rolls back and away, giving him even more room to ravish her. Quickly lost in the sensation, her gaze floats over the half imagined and half remembered people passing by. They never look her way and Rey wishes it to remain that way, to stay hidden in plain sight. If this was real, and not imagined, she’d never let him do such a thing to her in such a public place. 

“Of course I wouldn’t,” mumbles Kylo as his other hand runs up along her spine. “I want to be the only one who see’s you like this.”

Heat swells in Rey’s chest as she squeezes a hand over his. “Stop,” she says in barely a whisper. “If you want to do this, we do it for real.”

In the space of a heartbeat Kylo does stop, pulls away, and looks Rey in the eye. “Do you mean that?”

“Yes I do,” she says with a nod. “Show me whatever you want, look where you will in my mind, but if you want any of that, we're not doing it here. I want to feel _you_.”

“But you are,” he starts to say but Rey shakes her head again, placing a finger to his lips.

“Maybe I’ll change my mind later about the matter but it doesn’t feel right, not when we’ve barely done anything yet.” 

“ _Barely done anything_ ,” repeats Kylo looking taken aback.

Sighing slowly, Rey looks to him half annoyed and half amused. “Don’t act insulted,” she chuckles. “We’ve made love once and I rather when we do it again, and we will, I want it to be for real. I want to get to know you well enough first before we ever go about thinking up how either of us thinks it should be. Or am I being unreasonable?”

His brows pinch towards the bridge of his nose as Kylo shakes his head. “No you’re not.” 

Lifting up on her toes, she brushes her lips across his. He responds quickly but Rey doesn’t let the kiss last for long. “Later,” she mutters. “Don’t you want to poke around my head more? You tried so hard the first time.”

“Rey,” Kylo says sternly. “That was different.”

“I know,” she replies with a hint of a smile. “Maybe you should have asked more nicely then?”

“That _was_ me asking nicely,” he grumbles.

A sharp laugh escapes Rey as she gives her head a quick shake, sending her loose hair sweeping about. “Of course that was,” she chuckles.

Kylo stares at her, looking torn while Rey squeezes his hand. “I don’t know how to feel that you can laugh about that.”

“After seeing plenty of your alter ego, I can laugh about a lot of things now concerning you.”

“Wonderful,” says Kylo dryly.

Rey’s smile comes easily and with enough real warmth that it forces some of Kylo’s bad mood away. He looks at her like she’s a mystery and a wonder, but there is also a spark to his stare, one that comes with getting to know her. The bond they share keeps their minds wrapped around one another, their thoughts joined in the same space. As Kylo’s mind drifts to the recent events of their lives, to the strange vision they shared, Rey’s mind effortlessly follows and stirs up her own memories before she can stop them.

The smell of fresh grass drifts past them and she instantly knows where it’s from. Kylo watches she gasp in shock as the remnants of her dreams come surging upon them. Fear takes a hold of them both, Rey knowing he won't understand, and Kylo from the feeling dread suddenly rise up in her like a wave.

“Mom,” says a sweet and youthful voice on the wind.

Unable not to turn and look for the source, the city vanishes in a flash of color and light, becoming a lush green meadow. Gone with the city are their fine outfits, leaving both Rey and Kylo in a set of clothes she’s only seen them wear in her dream. Confusion overtakes Kylo as shame fills Rey.

“What’s wrong?” he asks and takes her by her shoulders. “What is this place?” 

“I’m sorry,” whispers Rey as she turns to look down a path cutting through the grass. “I wasn’t ready to show you this yet.”

“Rey,” says Kylo sternly. “Show me what?”

Shutting her eyes, she imagines how upset this might make him but Kylo does have a right to know. Licking her lips, she breathes in the sunshine and can feel someone waiting for them. The body next to her stills and when she opens her eyes, Kylo is staring with a hawkish gaze towards the direction of the house. The sense of familiarity is sinking into him now, but his mind fails to grasp at any memory of where they are.

“I… I’ve forgotten this, haven’t I?” he says in morbidly. “How? I’ve never been here before.”

“Neither have I,” says Rey. “I’ve only dreamed it. The both of us have.”

Looking back toward her, she almost shies away from Kylo but the lack of fear of him holds her in place. “It’ll be easier to explain after you see for yourself,” she says softly. “I’m sorry. If this hurts you at all to see, I am sorry.”

Kylo’s face tightens into a steeled look, leaving Rey to watch him try and figure out the puzzle laid out before him. His gaze passes between her and where he feels they need to go. Back and forth he looks several times before his feet make up his mind for him. Slowly he steps away with Rey following closely behind. She watches him spread his hands out and touch the wild tall grass, much like she did, and then looks up at the ever blue sky. When he looks back at her for a moment, he gives the appearance of a lost child more than a grown man.

Soon the white house appears and Kylo slows to a stop just a few paces away from it. Rey takes up the spot next to him and recalls the first time she saw the house, the first time she saw him in it. His hand brushes against her in an aborted move to take it, but she doesn’t move to correct it. Instead he clenches it tightly, readying his nerves despite how much they already feel frayed. 

“This has to do with that vision,” he speaks up, his voice steady and stern. “The one after you lost that bracelet that blocked you from me.”

“Yes,” Rey says quietly. “I’m sure whoever is in there now is the same woman we saw, but she may look different. The two times I saw her before she was a little girl, but I know it’s her. I can… I can feel it.”

“ _Two times_?!” snaps Kylo as he turns to glare at her.

Silently Rey meets his gaze but his anger isn’t for her, not really. “Twice I’ve dreamed of being here with you. You’ve been in my dreams ever since I’ve arrived on to the base but you never remembered them.” 

Anger boils in Kylo and it’s so hot that Rey’s mind can’t help but burn a bit from it too. “Snoke,” he hisses out, and she feels for one intense moment how much hate he really has.

Putting a hand on his arm, Rey pulls him from his thoughts. “I told you once I’d help you, and I will. I don’t know how, but we’ll find a way to get back what you lost.”

“You think I want to remember all of _that_ ?!” he snarls and pulls his arm away from her. “Haven’t you _ever_ thought maybe I have a good reason _not_ to remember?”

“A part of you thinks else wise.” 

“ _Don’t_ !” barks Kylo. “Just because I’ve let you this close, don’t you _ever_ assume you know me better than myself. You _don’t_ , you don’t even know the _beginning_ of everything about me.”

Not wilting until his sharp gaze and equally sharp tone of voice, Rey stares at Kylo unflinchingly. “I am well aware of how much I know and don’t know about you _Kylo Ren_ . Don’t you dare accuse _me_ that I am completely ignorant on the subject of you. I know for one that you believe anyone who knew you before you became Kylo doesn’t know you now. Well I do, I know you Kylo so you dare say anything like that to me again, we are going to have another real fight on our hands.”

His eyes drift to where he sliced her arm, where the wound is still healing, that his anger dissipates quickly. “I won’t ever fight you again like that Rey,” utters Kylo with a strange quiver to his voice.

Letting out a sigh of relief, Rey dissipates her own hot flare of anger too. “Of course I don’t know all of you, I doubt anyone does, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t gotten to know you well enough already. I know this you, not the old one I’ve heard about or maybe caught a glimpse of. I know your pain, I know your love, and I’m learning more every day I’m with you. Right now I do believe I am the person who knows you better than anyone else, but I also know this is just the start.”

Reaching out for Rey, Kylo grabs her and pulls them together in a tight embrace. Leaning his head into the crook of her neck, he presses a soft kiss to her skin. “I don’t understand how you keep digging your way deeper into my heart,” he mutters. “It’s… insufferable.”

A soft huff of a laugh shakes Rey as her puts her arms around him. “I could say the very same about you.”

“Don’t ever stop,” he begs quietly.

“I won’t,” promises Rey. “And you better not either. Don’t leave me alone.”

“I won’t,” he whispers. “Nothing will separate me from you.”

Shutting her eyes, Rey basks in the warmth of his words. Even if life finds a way to keep them apart, she can’t help but find a well of hope in knowing he believes so that they can remain together. It’s all she needs to keep the hope they might work out in the end, alive and well. 

The door to the house opens and both Kylo and Rey look towards an empty doorway. They separate slowly and Rey watches Kylo continue to stare inside the house, unsure on what to do next.

“Who’s in there?” he asks.

“Go in and find out for yourself. I’ll be right behind you.”

Taking a quick glance to her, Kylo moves slowly and enters the house with all the caution of a wild animal. When Rey passes through the doorway, she shuts the door and then watches Kylo stop before an open doorway on the left side of the hall. His body stands a bit more upright, but he pales in the face. Walking slowly to his side Rey looks in to see a little girl, their daughter in another life, drawing on a piece of paper.

She looks up at the two of them and smiles brighter than most stars. For a moment Rey isn’t sure if this is an inspired vision from their memories or the little girl herself somehow breaking through again. Putting her crayon down, she runs over and slams herself into Kylo’s leg. He looks down at her stunned as she hugs him as hard as her little arms will allow her.

“Who?” he breathes out sounding unsure before looking over to Rey.

She smiles sympathetically at him but before Rey can say a word on the matter, the little girl is tugging at Kylo’s pants. “Dad!” she shouts. “Dad lift me up! Please!”

Kylo rocks on his feet and Rey rushes to move closer to his side. Holding a hand out to her, he nods silently that he’s ok despite how white his face has turned. “What is this?” he mutters and looks about the room lost.

The girl pulls on his pants again and then lets some of her weight drop towards the floor. Kylo scrambles to grab his pants before she starts to pull them off and quickly glares down at her.

“Daddd,” the little girl whines seemingly ignorant of Kylo’s anger. “Pleaseeee, pretty please?”

“Just lift her up,” sighs Rey.

“Don’t tell me what to do,” he snaps at but bends down all the same.

Holding his arms open and looking unsure what to do, the little girl smiles and scrambles into them. Kylo lifts her effortlessly but freezes as she wraps her arms around his neck. For a moment Rey becomes worried as she feels nothing from him, but he slowly moves further into the room as his thoughts regain their ability to move. Walking around a long sofa, Kylo sits down upon it and remains perfectly still. 

Rey enters after them, moving around to the other end to watch in silence. The little girl looks happy enough to stay where she is, but Kylo slowly looks to Rey. Watching him put some of the pieces together is hard, his mind turning over thoughts she can feel that were labeled as impossible. Rey understands him perfectly and feels the very same, that the vision of a child of their own is cruel and bitter sweet, but they both want it just the same.

The arm Kylo has around the girl tightens before he motions with his free arm for Rey to approach. “I’m going to regret this but I want to try it once,” he says sounding almost terrified.

Wondering she’s going to just make it worse, Rey does her best to ignore those thoughts as she sits down on Kylo’s knee. His arm wraps around her, pulling her closer until she’s leaning her head on his shoulder and her body is pressed to his. He hugs them both for a long moment as the three sit in silence. A slight tremor interrupts the peace as it runs through Kylo, Rey turns her head to look into his now wet eyes. There tears are waiting to fall but he wills them to stay in place.

“Why is there,” he starts to ask but then quickly changes his mind. “She’s suppose to be… She’s my… our daughter?”

It takes Rey a moment to answer with a small nod, knowing how hard this must be. Looking across, she finds their daughter looking over to her with bright and brilliant eyes.

“What’s your name sweetheart?” asks Rey.

She smiles and shakes her head at her mother. “I haven’t told you yet.”

“This isn’t a dream then,” says Rey quietly. “Not a real one anyways.”

“No,” the girl giggles. “This is a idea.”

“Could this happen?” Kylo quickly asks, almost desperately so. “You, me, and Rey?”

Shrugging her small shoulders, the girl looks up at her father. “I don’t know, you’ll have to ask other me, the me who comes to you in your dreams. I think it maybe could, would you like that? I know I would.”

“I… I don’t know,” mutters Kylo before looking back at Rey. “I couldn’t, we couldn’t.”

“I know,” she says softly. “But here she is, one pathway we could end up on.”

“A pathway,” he repeats quietly and Rey feels it spark a loss memory. “Choices. There are… many.”

“Yes, but I’ll tell you about that another time.”

Kylo catches a glimpse of what Rey is recalling and narrows his eyes at her. “Stars?”

Nodding once, she then presses her forehead to his neck. “Another time, I promise.”

They sit quietly again, but the longer they do the more Kylo begins to shake again. A low sniffle comes from him, drawing both Rey and the girl’s attention. Small hands touch his face, wiping away the falling tears. 

“Don’t cry daddy,” she pleads. “You don’t have to be sad.”

“We can stop this anytime,” whispers Rey as she runs a hand through his hair, hoping to soothe him.

“I know that,” he chokes out. “I just… I never thought I could, never imagined a… a family.”

“I know,” Rey utters quietly. “I know you haven’t.”

“I hate this. This is hell but I… I don’t want it to end.”

A soft whimper comes from their daughter who looks at the two of them with wet tearful eyes. “Please,” she pleads. “Don’t cry.” 

Pulling her closer, Kylo leans his head against her head. “It’s ok,” he whispers and gives her a hesitant kiss. “Don’t cry little one.”

“I’m not,” she sniffles as a tear rolls down her cheek.

Reaching out, Rey brushes it from her face. Their daughter in return reaches out and takes Rey’s hand tightly, pressing her plump cheek into her open palm. Quickly Rey gives her face a gentle squeeze before moving her hand to brush over Kylo’s cheek next. He looks at silently as she wipes his tears away too, but a few of her suddenly fall as well. Smiling bittersweetly, Kylo’s fingers reach for her to return the favor and then pull her close for a kiss. It’s full of a deep longing and a love that both frightens and thrills her. When she opens her eyes again, Rey finds them awake, back in their room.

Turning the best she can around in Kylo’s arms, Rey is able to move enough to look back and up at him. He’s staring down at her in the starlight, looking worn down and nervous. When she runs her hand over his face like she had just a moments ago in their mind, it causes him to jerk away from her touch. 

“Hey,” she says softly. “It’s ok.” 

“It’s not,” Kylo grits out sharply. “How was _any of that_ ok?”

“I think seeing you dressed up so nicely wasn’t half bad,” Rey tries to joke but he just glares at her, completely unamused. 

“You know what I mean,” he hisses and pulls his arms away her.

“Wait,” urges Rey as she grabs on to him to stop. “Don’t be like that.”

He easily slips out of her grip and moves out from behind her. Stepping down on to the floor, he then turns on Rey.

“Don’t be like _what_? Upset that I’ve just seen somewhere in your memories is a house with some girl who says she’s our what, future daughter? How should I act Rey?”

“Not upset at me, that’s for sure. You think I _wanted_ to dream that?”

Looking away from her, Kylo runs a hand over his face and growls frustrated. “No.”

Slipping down off the window ledge, she wraps the blanket around her body and steps in front of him. “Kylo, I didn’t want you to see that yet, because I knew how you’d react. I said I was sorry.”

“And that makes it ok?” he snaps. 

“No, but I hope it shows you I care, care about how you feel, but you need to understand where I am coming from. I have been having some very strange dreams regarding you. I know now with this thing between us, this… bond that you were there too. Me in your head or you in mine, it doesn’t matter.”

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Kylo lets out a long huff of air. “Rey, I need some time to think about this. Alone.”

“Alright,” she says slowly. “Do you want me to leave?”

“No,” he says quickly while shaking his head. “Of course not. I just need to go for a walk, clear my head.”

“How long will you be gone?”

“I don’t know.”

Looking down at her feet, Rey wiggles her toes that feel stiff from the cold floor. “I’ll be here, when you get back.”

“Of course you will,” he mutters before pulling Rey into a hug.

Resting her head on his chest, she feels him place a kiss to the crown of her head, and most of her fears slip away.

“Try and get some sleep,” he whispers into her hair.  Don’t stay up on my behalf.”

“Easier said than done.”

“Rey,” Kylo warns. “Please try.”

“Ok, ok,” she breathes out and then soaks in as much of his heat as she can before her leaves.

Pulling away, Kylo pushes Rey to move back to the bed. She walks slowly but he guides her back down on to the sheets. His hands tuck in the blanket firmly around her as she looks up at his face.

“Don’t beat yourself up,” Rey gently asks.

Leaning back to look her in the eye, the corner of his mouth twitches into a bitter smirk. “Too late.”

“I’m serious,” Rey presses clearly concerned.

Brushing back some of her bangs, Kylo’s fingers trace her hairline. “I know, go to sleep Rey.”

“It’s nice,” she suddenly declares. “Hearing you say my name so much. My real name.”

Brushing a thumb over her lips, Kylo watches her smile under his touch. “Your face,” he says low and soft. “It gives away how happy you are every time I do.”

Leaning down over her, his lips hover against hers. “Rey,” Kylo breathes out. “I’ll be back before morning, so rest, we have work later today.”

Closing the gap between them, she kisses him quickly and then turns over on to her side. “You need sleep too,” she says with her back to him. “Don’t stay out too late.”

Placing a kiss of his own to her ear, she feels Kylo smile as she shivers from it “Of course not dear,” he says in what she might call lovingly. 

Lifting the blanket up higher, Rey hides her red burning cheeks as she feels Kylo enjoy her reaction to the pet name. Moving away, she listens to him get dressed and tries to think of calming thoughts instead of replaying his words over again, savoring how they rolled off his lips. At the doorway, Kylo pauses in it and lets out a low chuckle before leaving. The only sound that remains is the filtered air that hisses barely audible, leaving the room feeling too empty with the lack of Kylo’s presence.

Shutting her eyes, Rey does try but her mind quickly reaches out and brushes over Kylo’s. What she gets in return is a gentle touch back but also a push to rest, to give him space. Withdrawing back into herself, the silence feels too much and leaves to Rey tosses and turns until she finds herself lying on his side of the bed. Inhaling against his pillow, it smells of the same soap everyone on the base uses but the deeper she breathes, the more she can faintly smell something under it. Something distinctly Kylo. Without noticing it’s full effect on her, she drifts off just minutes later.

In a dream Rey finds herself standing in a elevator, it’s just like one she’s taken before on the base. The numbers on a display screen count down as it slows to a stop on a random level, a soft beep rings out that it’s reached its destination, but the door don’t open. Between the seam of door, a red light bursts forth, roaring with a familiar deep purr. Moving down, it melts and creates an opening from top to bottom. The blade of Kylo’s lightsaber withdraws into darkness but his hands quickly appear, pulling the doors open. She watches in surprise as he appears with his face covered by his mask, his breath coming out hard through the mechanical facepiece.

Rushing into the elevator with his hand out reaching for her, Rey takes a quick step back and falls backwards through the missing elevator wall. She lands on wobbling legs in a long room with only one end of it lit. Under the lights stands General Organa with Kylo, still fully masked on his knees before her. Around the two is a group of soldiers and all their blasters all aimed at Kylo.

“ _Please_ , mother,” he says with such a thick plea it shakes his usual monotone voice. “ _Help me_.”

“This man is no longer my son,” speaks the General with her voice barely wavering. “You know the punishment for your crimes, for what you did to me. To Han.”

“Don’t do _this_ !” shouts Kylo and lifts his head up towards her, his hands out reaching. “ _PLEASE!_ You have to help me find...” 

“ _ENOUGH!_ ” Leia snaps and takes a step back away from him.

With a wave of her hand, Rey watches in horror as a swarm of blaster fire strikes Kylo down. She lets out a long and pained scream, running towards his fallen body. The floor drops under her feet, sending her tumbling down a rocky embankment as the landscape abruptly changes again. Around Rey the sky is dark, but it rumbles with violent flashes of light. Standing up on her feet, she spins around and looks at the endless wasteland. It’s barren and cold, nothing but black rocks that blend into one another, creating a single sea of black.

“Pick it up,” creaks an old voice.

At her feels drops a saber she’s never seen before, it rolls and hits the edge of Rey’s boot. Bending down she picks it up but it feels like holding a piece of ice. Her fingers sting from the bitter cold but Rey lifts it up and flicks the switch, bringing it to life. A long red blade growls forth and she stares in horror as her fingers refuse to drop the lightsaber. 

“There,” says the voice again out of the darkness. “Isn’t that much better.”

Another saber being lit rumbles from behind Rey and she spins around to see Kylo standing in grey robes before her. He looks at her like he’s seen a ghost, his face aged by years, but the strangest sight is that is saber is glowing blue.

“Rey,” he calls out to her.

“Kylo,” she whispers back.

The world shifts, slanting to one side before righting itself a moment later. Rey finds her hands are shaking and she looks down to see she’s holding the red saber at Kylo’s chest. His robes and flesh sizzle, pierced the same way he had once run through his own father as. Looking up at him, Rey tries to pull away but her body won't move. 

“No,” she begs as he runs a hand over her face.

“I was too late,” he chokes out, the last of his breathe being used up.

“STOP THIS!” Rey screams and wakes from her nightmare.

With her heart racing in her chest, she grips at her night shirt and fights to catch her breath. Outside the large window the snow is falling once again, the night sky long gone and covered by thick cloud cover once again. In the back of her mind Rey feels a deep and steady thrum in the force. Wave after wave is called upon to crash into something again and again. 

“Kylo,” she whispers to the dark and feels it come to a halt.

 

* * *

 

Supreme leader Snoke opened his eyes slowly as his mind made it back into his body. He had felt it for a moment, the flicker of the scavenger girl, but he couldn’t tell where she was. It had been some time since he last sensed her, and even more troubling was that Kylo Ren’s connection to him was growing weaker. He was almost done with the boy so rather than grow alarmed, he let it play out to see if he would remain loyal, or turn on him like an animal. 

Pressing a button on the arm his throne, Snoke spoke up clearly. “Get me the General.”

“Yes sir,” answered a voice quickly before the line went dead.

The younger man never made him wait long, so eagered to please him, so swift in carrying out his orders. Snoke let his mind wander over his carefully laid plans until the image of General Hux appeared.

“Supreme Leader, you called for me,” he said with a rigid stance and gaze.

“I’ve heard there has been another setback General on the weapon, I want to know what you plan to do about it?”

The hologram of Hux lifted his chin up to look better at the much larger image of Snoke he was seeing. “I am planning on handling it myself. I will get the weapon back on schedule and then attend to the other matters quickly that you’ve ordered.”

“See that you do,” said Snoke with a wave of his hand. “The Resistance has seen what we are capable of, so has The Republic. I can not stress enough General that we do not loose any other advantage we have than our previous loss." 

“No, of course not,” replied Hux firmly. “I will not fail you Supreme Leader. All will bow before the First Order.”

“Leave me,” grumbled Snoke. “And report back once you’ve secured the weapon’s completion date.”

Not waiting for the General’s reply, the connect was ended and then a new one established. A figure stood before Smoke, hooded and cloaked. “Turis,” he spoke up. “I have a mission for you.”

 

* * *

 

When the door to the room opened, Rey stirred out of the shallow sleep she had drifted into, this time thankfully it was a dreamless one. Back lit for a moment, Kylo entered, letting the door shut behind him and enclosing the room back into darkness. He walked towards the refresher and Rey slowly peeked as the room’s light flickered on. She caught how filthy he was, that he was covered in black ash and grime before he shut the door wordlessly.

Listening to the water run, she rolled on to her back and stared at the ceiling. Rey still felt tired but no where near being actually exhausted. Her mind examined the nightmare from before, and she quickly labeled it as just that. It made no logical sense for Kylo to die twice so it had to be just something her mind created, just something she could forget about. 

The water stopped and minutes later Kylo came out in just a pair of boxer shorts. His hand was clenched around something as he walked to the bed and slipped in next to her. Rey turned to look at him as he looked at her. His hair stuck to his face still damp and messy. Before she could give in to the urge to push some of it back, Kylo lifted his hand and held up a white bracelet, her bracelet.

“I thought you might want this back.”

Taking it from his hand, Rey looked it over and found only one deep scratch on it. She wondered if it still worked and slipped it on to check. Kylo’s eyes went wide as she felt him and the force become silent in her mind. A cold shiver ran down her spine and Rey’s hand couldn’t take it back off quick enough. Relief washed over them both. Turning away from Kylo, she placed it on the nearby nightstand before rolling back in his direction.

Kylo quickly slipped his hands and arms around her, pulling Rey closer to his warm skin. “Thank you,” she whispered. “That must have been hard to find.”

Water dripped from his hair on to her but she didn’t mind in the least. “It was something to focus on,” he muttered. “Rather than create an even bigger mess.”

“You were that upset?”

A slow sigh rolled past his lips and she could feel a bone deep wave of tiredness bleed from Kylo. “Yes and no.”

Nudging him with her hand, she urged him silently to explain further. Knowing Rey wouldn’t let just leave it at that, Kylo shut his eyes and took a moment to enjoy the feeling of her. It steeled his nerves and gave him the strength to speak openly.

“Why would I want or think about having a family ever with the one I already had, with what that happened to me? It’s foolish and destructive to ever hope for such a thing, so I haven’t. A part of me wants to outright hate you for that, whatever that was.”

Looking up at him, Rey catches Kylo’s gaze pointed down at her. “But you don’t, right?”

“Of course not,” he huffs while giving her a quick squeeze. “It’s still cruel, to see it so vividly put together.”

“It is.”

“What other dreams have you had with me?” 

She thinks about the room made of stars, at how he told her not to listen to them, and the Kylo before her see’s the broken memory. The rest are just as fractured, parts missing from a whole but there are chunks still intact for him to see and become as torn over as her. One by one Rey shares all that she knows until he’s seen it all.

“I’m not surprised,” Kylo finally mutters. “That Snoke has taken that away from me.”

Putting a hand over his heart, Rey moves her hand in a slow circle around it. A bitter laugh barks out of him as he shuts his eyes tightly. “I’m such a fool, to not notice or care I can’t remember dreaming for years. What else has he taken?”

“Kylo,” says Rey quietly. “We’ll find out, I told you I’d help.”

“Should I even remember?” he asks sounding unsure. “He’s had to of taken the worst of what I’ve done, what he’s asked me to do. Do you really want to know all of that too, about me? I still don’t understand how you can stand for me to touch you, with all the blood on my hands.”

Rey stops moving and feels his heart beating steady just under the skin. It’s strong despite all its been through, all his pain, and the ways he’s been damaged. For every scar she’s felt on his skin, Rey senses so many more hidden in his mind. Many in the galaxy still have good reason to fear him, but as he trembles under her touch, Rey knows there isn’t anyone else who knows him this way.

“I’ve made my choice knowing more than enough about you, and I didn’t make it lightly,” she declares firmly.

A strange fear overtakes Kylo eyes that’s followed up a deep penetrating sadness. “Rey, it’s not too late, to change your mind. If you want to go, I won’t fight you on it. That little girl, she’s a dream I can’t give you. I could never be a father, not like this, not with how I am. It wouldn’t be right, not to you, not to them. If you… If you want a family, go find it. I want you to be happy, I really do. But staying with me, as much as I want it, it’s never going to be end happily.”

“Don’t,” Rey snaps. “ _Stop_ doing that to _yourself._ You don’t know _that_! We both don’t know that! You’re not the same, you’re not the same man I first met, so that means you can change. You can want things, good things.”

“Rey,” sighs Kylo. “That’s my point, I can’t. How do you think I am came into being? By people wanting good things but not being right for it.”

Grabbing his face, Rey digs her fingers into his jaw to silence him. “Don’t you use them as an excuse,” she hisses, her eyes sharp as a knife. “You’re their child but you’re not them. Don’t make their same mistakes.”

Taking hold of her hand, Kylo pulls it away as his rage slowly builds. “I wasn’t going to! Why are you getting so upset about this? I told you, if that’s what you want, go find someone else!”

A sharp crack echoed off the walls as Rey’s hand connected with Kylo’s cheek. “Say that _again_ and see what happens. Tell me one more time to leave you, I _kriffing_ dare you.”

Taking her by the shoulders, Kylo rolls over them over with him on top of her, pushing her down into the mattress. Despite being under his heavy weight, Rey stares up at him confidently, as if she has complete control over the situation. A long sneer twists on Kylo’s lips as he leans over her, nut Rey doesn’t wither in the slightest. She doesn’t put up a fight either when he grabs her hair, pulling on it firmly to force her to lift her chin.

“Don’t you _ever_ leave me,” hisses Kylo. 

“I won’t.”

Their mouths clash together and she feels his desperate need for her bleeding out in waves. Kylo touches her like she’s the last bit of air left in the universe, gripping Rey so tightly that even if she wanted to escape, there was no hope of it. Getting swept up by Kylo is so easy, but she burns for him just as much as he does for her. Grabbing him by his long hair, she yanks his head back as Kylo gasps breathlessly and then bites down on his neck. He groans through the pain but Rey feels him shake in pleasure too. Blunt fingernails scrape against her skin before they begin to fight what clothing they have on to be removed quickly.

Naked and gasping, Rey’s head fall back as he slips inside of her. She thinks about how Kylo is already so much in her mind, that now when he’s inside of her physically, it's nothing less completely overwhelming. The lines between them cease to exist as they move together, Rey wouldn’t have it any other way.

Sweat lingers over their skin, dripping down into their creases as Kylo pants into her ear. He moves into her so harshly there are stars at the corners of Rey’s vision, but it all still doesn’t feel nearly enough. A wet hand slaps against his back as Rey lifts her hips higher, forcing Kylo to curl over and into her even deeper. Her name spills from his lips over and over, like music or a prayer. Sharp and steady moans most definitely not low in volume, gasp and quiver from Rey to fill their room even further with noise.

After a couple tries at messily kissing, they abort the idea to grab instead on to each other as tightly as they can. She can feel she’s sure to have bruises later but it all feels too good for her to care. Instead Rey focuses on keeping their foreheads together as she clenches down around him as tightly as her can. Kylo cries out in a loud shout before biting down hard on his own lip, to keep from coming. His feet dig into the bed and he’s thrusting into her so hard the whole bed shakes from it. A violent scream rips from Rey as she begs him not to stop.

With trembling limbs, Kylo grits his teeth and tries to block out Rey’s overwhelming pleasure as she comes hard around him. The feeling still forces its way into his mind, rending his efforts keep her out utterly useless. Coming as equally loud and hard, they both shake as one, lost together in a brief high.

“Kylo,” Rey whimpers as he slips from her, drawing his gaze to her tearful eyes.

Brushing away them away from the corner of her eyes, he places a soft kiss to sweaty brow. “Yes?” breathes out winded.

“Please, don’t say that to me ever again,” she implores.

Shutting his eyes, Kylo kisses the tip of her nose then her lips. “I won’t,” he says hushed against her skin. “I’m sorry Rey.”

Running her hands down and over his face, she cups his jaw lightly. “I don’t,” Rey starts to say with her lips trembling. “I don’t want to be thrown away again.”

“Rey,” Kylo breathes out as his face falls, heartbroken and torn. “I would… I would _never_ do that to you.”

“But you _were_!” she chokes out in a sob. 

Trying to cover her eyes with her hands, Kylo pulls them away and tugs Rey to his chest. “I wasn’t,” he tries to say before changing his mind. “I love you Rey, I want you to be happy. That’s all… It’s all I want for you.”

“I’m happy with _you_!” she insists.

“Are you really?” asks Kylo immediately back.

Smacking her hand against his chest, Rey gives him a burning stare. “ _Yes_!”

To prove her point, she focuses all of her feelings and presses them into Kylo through their bond. He lets out a gasp as she fills him with a hot warmth that beats steadily with her own heart. It takes his breath away and leaves him gasping all over again.

“Ok, ok” he begs and she quickly withdraws her feelings from him.

Carefully he moves and lays down in the space next her, still trying to catch his breathe after everything. Kylo’s mind remains busy with too many thoughts for Rey to catch a clear idea of, so she instead lays still, trying to ignore the growing ache between her legs that’s sure to remain sore for most of the day.

“Where is your family?” Kylo asks as gently as his voice will allow.

Turning to look at him, his head is already directed her way. “I don’t know,” she mutters. “I still don’t know.” 

“I’m sorry.”

There is a double meaning to his words and Rey easily feels them both. Smiling weakly, she gives him a small nod then looks up at the dark ceiling. “It’s fine, if they don’t want me I’ll just have to make my own.” 

Thinking of Poe and Finn, of BB8 and Master Skywalker, and even General Organa, Rey feels she’s already started to. Looking back at Kylo, her smiles grows and she reaches for his hand to hold. Their fingers slip together and she feels so much better when Kylo gives her hand a squeeze.

“Even if you don’t get along with the rest, you are just as much apart of mine now,” says Rey softly.

“I still don’t know how to feel about you getting yourself adopted in a way by my family,” says Kylo half amused but still laced with a touch of bitterness he can’t seem to keep out of his words.

Rey looks unfazed by it and turns on her side to stare at him more easily. “I didn’t do it on purpose, it just happened that way.” 

“This doesn’t mean I ever want to speak or see them again.” 

“I know,” she whispers. “That’s between you and them, but don’t be angry with me if I do.”

A soft huff escapes Kylo as he rolls his eyes. “I think we are beyond that point now.”

Rey hums in agreement before wiggling her way into his side, Kylo wraps an arm around her to keep her there. “I will have to tell them at some point, about us.”

The knee jerk reaction to get angry doesn’t surprise Rey nor the low disappointed growl that comes from Kylo. “Later rather than sooner would be better. Never would be best really.”

Shaking her head, she brings their joined hands up and kisses the top of his knuckles. “We’ll deal with it when it happens, but let me remind you I’m the one who has to face your mother.”

“Good luck with that,” Kylo says dryly before shutting his eyes. “I’m going to get a nap in before the morning alarm goes off. I suggest you do the same.”

“What time is it anyways?” groans Rey.

“How should I know? Look at a clock if you really need to know so badly.”

Rey shoots Kylo a quick glare but remains where she his. The hand on her shoulders squeezes her gently before he sighs and starts to drift off to sleep. Watching him fall into a quiet slumber, Rey traces the curves and lines of his face with her eyes, watching them soften as his mouth opens just slightly. The tension he usually holds, ever present and hard learned, flows away and peels years off his appearance. It’s only when Kylo appears as so that Rey knows he’s really asleep. With his warm body next to hers,it's hard for her not to follow suit.

 

* * *

 

Marching on the the bridge of The Finalizer, General Hux was followed quickly by Captain Phasma. He stopped before his Lieutenant and turned to the man. “Change course to the Star Killer base, notified them we are on our way.”

“Yes sir,” said Mikata crispy and then hurried off to hand out their new orders.

“Captain,” said Hux turning to his left.

“Sir?” Phasma answered.

“Any word yet on the where the location of Ren?”

Taking a step closer to his side, Phasma stood ever at the ready. “Ever since his tracker went offline sir, I’ve not heard a thing.”

“Keep looking,” commanded Hux. “I trust the Supreme Leader but I’ll feel better once I know where that knight of Ren has run off to.”

“Yes sir.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry for taking months to come back but a lot has happened to me. My trip went well, but then a bunch of personal issues kept me from writing. I also suffered my laptop dying but I'm set up a borrowed computer until I can save up for a new one. I haven't written in several months so it's been hard getting back into the swing of things. I should have updates happening once again regularly, I don't think at the fast pace I had set before, but at least one new chapter a week should happen. Thank you to all my readers for waiting, I hope this chapter satisfied you at least a little bit after the long wait.


	29. Binding of the Pact

The morning alarm sounds at it’s normal irritating decibel, waking Kylo and Rey at their routine time. Reluctantly they both separate from the tangled mess of limbs they’ve become before rolling out of the bed. Despite the recent changes, both move as usual to dress while the voice of General Hux drones on about the First Order. Normally Kylo, like Rey, ignores the passionate speech but this morning he stops and turns an ear upward.

“He’s… upset,” Kylo slowly declares as he pulls his work uniform from the closet.

Rey, who was readying her own clothes as well, pauses and looks his way. “He’s always upset, isn’t he?”

A frown hangs on Kylo’s lips but he shakes his head, ignoring the General once more. “It’s nothing,” he mutters dismissively. “Never mind.”

Shrugging her shoulders, Rey finishes out laying her clothes on the bed before walking into the refresher. Kylo follows shortly after doing the same but finds Rey staring him with a questioning brow.

Narrowing his eyes he lets out a quick, “What?”

“Are we going to do this together now?” she asks.

Watching Rey put her hands on her hips, Kylo’s frown melts away into a lazy smirk. “Seems more efficient that way, don’t you think?”

Rolling her eyes, Rey reaches over to start the water running, adjusting the controls to something pleasantly warm. Once satisfied she then shakes the water from her hand and leans back, her fingers plucking buttons open on her night shirt. Half way down she stops and looks up to find Kylo staring down at her after taking a few steps closer.

“Don’t stop because of me,” he suggests.

There is a hunger to his gaze that’s hard to miss, and rather than brush it off, Rey instead lifts her chin and slowly opens her shirt the rest of the way. It slips easily off, falling freely to the floor while she lets her eyes roam over Kylo’s own exposed chest. Under the bright light of the refresher his scars stand out against his pale skin, as do his spattering of small dark moles that litter him. He paints a handsome and rugged picture that she thoroughly appreciates. Hearing her thoughts clearly enough, his smirk only grows a little wider.

Wordlessly Rey finishes removing the rest of her clothes while Kylo makes quick work of his briefs. Naked and relaxed, she steps into the water. Kylo steps in behind her but Rey motions for him to stop, holding him in place where he stands with just a gesture.

“No,” she says firmly.

“No?” Kylo repeats, looking lost as to why she’s keeping them apart.

“Touch yourself.”

Blinking rapidly Kylo immediately looks thrown by her request that feels more to him like a command, despite the soft tone of her voice. Rey senses the quick shock that runs through him, thrilling him immensely despite his confusion.

“I want you, to touch yourself,” she repeats.

“Why?”

Narrowing her gaze she traces the curves of his body down to his hips. “Just do it.”

Shifting on his feet slightly, Kylo inhales slowly but starts to move one of his hands downward. Keeping his eyes fixed upon Rey, she watches as he take his own cock into his hand, slowly stroking it like she asked of him. A pleased smile slips onto Rey’s lips, drawing Kylo’s hawkish gaze to them. Feeling through their bond at how tense he is, Rey senses how much he just wants to rush her, taking her up against the wall instead of this slow burning tease.

“How much do you want me?” Rey asks a little breathless from just the view alone.

A small hitch shakes Kylo’s breath, growing worse when Rey slowly slips her own hand down between her legs.

“So much,” he admits, his voice almost quivering.

Slipping fingers in deeper, Rey’s eyes flutter as she thinks about how he’s touched her like this before. Hers’ move in the same pattern with in her memory that his have traveled before.

“How much?” Rey asks again.

“M-More than anything,” grits out Kylo.

Shutting her eyes she lets out a small gasp as her fingers find just the right spot. In front of her Kylo’s hand smacks against his skin as he pumps quickly. Over their bond she can feel the quake in his legs, sense his need and want, but Rey still wants to hear more. Wants his voice to bring her closer to the edge.

A shuddering groan tumbles from Kylo as he hears mentally what she craves of him. Licking his lips, his cock jerks in his hand while he breathes out loud and unsteadily.

“I want you Rey, more than you could know,” he utters with his mind open, waiting to feel her pleasure.

She whimpers softly before rubbing her clit in a few quick hard circles. “So tell me, make me understand.”

His mind assaults her at once, filling her with images and ideas of all he wants to do to her. Hesitantly Rey stops him, blocks the overload of information out before shaking her head.

“No, not like that,” she moans with full body quiver. “Tell me, say it. Say that you want me.”

“I want you.”

“You can do better than that.”

Kylo’s hand trembles violently, so much that it moves up his arm and across his chest, tightening his skin along the way to paper thinness. A low groan escapes from him as he bends slightly over, his hand refuses to stop moving. Rey’s eyes remain fixated, thin and focused on his slow descent into complete disarray. Licking his lips he looks up at her from under his damp bangs and she knows he’s completely now at her mercy. It’s easy to see in his eyes, in how he grips himself tightly to keep from finishing far too early.

Despite rejecting the imagery of his mind, Kylo can sense an idea of what she wants to hear. It's in terms such as important, honest, and genuine. His answers come easily to mind but saying them outloud is a whole other matter. He’s never has been an open man, even with her, but it’s what’s Rey is looking for, what she’s craving of him. What it means when his words now want to spill freely just because she asks it of him, Kylo doesn’t think too deeply on the matter, at least not at that very moment.

“You know,” he starts to say with his hand and voice still shaking. “I didn’t really know what to think at first, you being Osira. Part of me still doesn’t. Every since I first saw you Rey, I haven’t stopped thinking about you. But I did try, _kriff_ did I try. When Osira came along, oh it was easy. She was so much like you, no other woman had ever looked me in the eye like you had, but she did. I thought here is my chance, if I couldn’t have you then I could have her.”

Slowing her hand, but not stopping it, Rey lifts her chin and rolls her head back to rest against the wall behind her. His words were doing slow and delightful things to her body. Heart beating so steadily you could set a clock to it, Rey carefully pushed two fingers past her folds and slipped them inside. The touch was shallow at first, but soon enough she was rocking them in more deeply.

Kylo’s voice paused for a moment and Rey watched as he takes in the sight of her. How her mouth parts as she lets out a low and guttural moan. It takes him a moment to steel himself again, to find his way back out of the captive picture she’s putting on display.

“Then you had to go and be the same _kriffing_ woman. To prove to me how much I want _you_ and only _you_ . Do you know how it makes me _feel_ , to know I fell for the same woman twice?” Kylo grits out between tightly clenched teeth.

A shiver escapes from inside of Rey as a wave of ecstasy flutters through her veins. It feels suddenly that not only she, but their lives, have been building up to this moment. Letting her head roll to the other side, Rey knows fully well this is not the end. There are other heights to ascend to later, but for now, this one is high enough.

“Tell me,” moans Rey as she stroke herself a little more passionately, coaxing her finish to come.

There is a stark desperation practically bleeding from Kylo, Rey can feel it in her bones as their bond holds her tightly in its embrace. Scraping to find what words to use, she senses Kylo tossing them away as they all feel so weak and useless to describe his feelings earnestly enough. The need to still hear them slows her fingers, she even gives him a thin pointed stare out of her barely open eyes.

“ _Tell me_ ,” Rey presses again. “Tell me _everything_.”

A hard shiver grips Kylo so violently it even makes it across the bond to her. The new bright connection lights the way to a wall somewhere deep within him, setting a light upon a newly formed crack.. Rey focuses on the point and presses her mind against before he can hide it away. Encouraging its degradation, her mind wraps around him warmly, slipping into any imperfections like water. She hears him gasp, an intake of air that rattles Kylo’s chest like a hit.

“Everything,” he barely gets out in a breathless whisper.

There is a sudden flash in Rey’s mind as memories flood in, it’s of things he’s held onto and buried away in his mind for years. Most images she honestly wishes to not see right there and then, only because her hand is in her cunt and Kylo is still pulling on his cock like his life depended on it. Weathering the passing storm, she tries not to really see any of it until she feels him take back his loss of control, reeling in all the childhood knowledge of what love is.

A quick image of his mother slips though, bright and warm, and Rey feels it linked in a small way to the emotion. The craving for affection, the need to be just touched by a loving hand, needs no explanation. She knows she’s not a filler for the lost of a mother’s love, even if that mother is waiting for him still, but Rey can feel the connection. Feel how his understanding of what emotions are started with his mother and father. Of course he’s quick to work past those and she takes in the years upon years of him questioning what it all means.

The sharp focus that hits Rey suddenly is blinding. How quickly his mind goes from soft unfocused ideas to razor thin clarity is startling. It's even more so when their eyes meet, his hooded and dark, Rey’s now open and wide. Unable to stop and think about another time, Rey sees when he had knelt before her, waiting for her to wake. Kylo seems to see it too, his head tilting a bit to one side with a wicked little smirk.

“That’s right,” he says in a voice much deeper and darker in timber. “Is that what you want Rey? To pin you down with my words?”

A jolt shoots through her and it’s her turn to feel all of her own cracks being exposed. The urge to quickly put up a barrier is hard to resist, to have some space between their minds, but it’s Kylo’s turn to flood into her mind. Rey’s own longing is a far simpler mess than his but it’s just as deep, just as all consuming.

Kylo’s hand begins to slow, falling back into a steady pace as his lifts his other up. At first Rey is unsure what he has planned, her mind trapped for a moment in a replay of before. This time instead of pain, and the forceful penetration of her mind, Kylo flows instead slowly through her with a warmth she didn’t think possible of him. Closing her eyes Rey feels the ghost of him, touching and lighting up her mind.

“I look at you and think how much I don’t understand you,” whispers Kylo.

A soft and barely audible moan tumbles from Rey’s lips as ghost like fingers touch her. “That’s not right, you know me better than anyone. You’ve seen into my mind, _are_ in my mind.”

“Seeing is not understanding, and you are still very much a mystery.”

Chuckling lightly, Rey shakes her head, hating how aloof he’s being. “I’m not that complicated, you’re the one who’s the mess, and I say that in the most loving way.”

“If that’s true then why do you love me?” he asks rather plainly.

Opening her eyes, Rey gazes at Kylo for a long silent moment. “Do you really not know why? After all you’ve seen and felt?”

There is a softening that comes to his eyes as Kylo slowly shakes his head. “Especially after all I have seen and felt.”

Narrowing her eyes, Rey notices she’s seem to only confuses him further. “You tell me why first and then I’ll tell you.”

A light and unusual chuckle rumbles out of him as shakes his head again, looking utterly amused. “Only if I can whisper it in your ear.”

Smiling slowly, this time bright and bigger, Rey motions with her free hand for him to stand. “Come here,” she breathes out feeling excited all over again.

He rises to his feet quickly and she has to look up as he crowds into her, his shadow covering her completely. Slowly he slips one of his hands down to hers and pulls it back gently. Rey lets him and he replaces the missing fingers with his own. Her mouth falls open in a light gasp but he doesn’t move to kiss her, instead Kylo watches as he strokes her slowly. Looking pleased by his work, it's only a few heartbeats later that he leans in to breathes out over her ear.

“You’re the only woman I’ll ever love,” Kylo confesses.

Covering his bicep with one of her hands, Rey holds on to him and lets Kylo just wash over her. “Why?” she asks with another gasp. “Why me?”

“I don’t know how I could  answer that completely,” continues Kylo. “I just _feel_ with you. This connection, it’s been there since I first saw you. Your anger, your rage, how you did anything but back down from me.”

There is the soft sound of Kylo licking his lips and Rey can feel him fighting to let his scattered thoughts take form.

“I know now we’ll always fight, in one way or another, but it’s how I know I’ll always know you. Always find you no matter how you look or what name you go by. Even if I don’t understand it, I feel it so... distinctly.”

Turning her face to stare at him, Rey burns to memory his face, torn over her and the emotions she makes him feel. Looking lost in her eyes, Rey takes Kylo by surprise, rushing in to press a hungry kiss to his mouth. Their tongues clash and Kylo arches his fingers ever deeper, stroking Rey until she’s shaking against his body.

“Rey,” he breathes out her name in wonder. “This is real, right? This feeling?”

“ _Yes_ ,” she breathes out, fingers digging into his skin. “Yes it is.”

A whimper escapes from Kylo and he’s quick to replace his hand with his cock inside of her. They moan together against each other’s neck, feeling all of their complicated layers of emotions distill into one shared urge. He thrusts hard and fast, but Rey wouldn’t want it any other way. She some of his savagery, to burn her with a heat that she desires instead of one she has to hide from. As water and sweat mixes between them, their bodies half under the refresher’s spray, Rey’s back arches against the wall.

Her mind is a mess, and she’s sure she’s half babbling on with mindless words, but Kylo is there, swallowing them with his mouth. Her name is falling from his lips as she manages to look him in the eye again, Kylo’s stares back as well like a man dying and she’s the cure. If Rey had the mental capacity to, she might have laughed at how that might be true, that her knowing him like this might have saved him from a darker path. The what if of whom he would have become, if left to his own brooding devices, is saved away to be pondered another day.

When Rey’s climax hits her, it’s harder than anything she’s felt before. Her mouth opens to cry out but no sound escapes. A sharp and blissful pleasure sweeps through her, stealing the very air from her lungs as she shakes against Kylo. Strong and steady arms keep her upright as she sinks into a moment of impossible warmth. For one long moment Rey feels at peace, weightless and free of the universe with it’s countless woes. In the quiet white out of her mind, she idly wonders if she’s ever felt this good before.

Letting out a few final grunts before growling into Rey’s neck, Kylo spilled into her as he quickly followed. Somewhere distantly Rey sensed him having his own bright burst of pleasure, floating in an endless feeling before slipping back into the now. It all ends far too quickly and soon enough Rey can only feel how warm they both are. Gasping for air, she feels Kylo’s legs shake, threatening to give out. With a low grunt he shifts to grip her better, drawing out of the both of them a moan.

Slowly they separated as Kylo feels himself grown overly sensitive, a breathy moan escapes him as he withdraws. Carefully Rey holds herself up as her very core throbs, wet fingers clinging to the wall as she places her back to it. Water drips from Kylo’s hair as it hangs about his face, sticking to his skin in a messy curtain. Reaching out she gently brushs some of his locks back as he gazes silently at her. Tracing a part of his scar, her fingers drift down to his collarbone before moving away.

A flash of a smile pulls at Rey’s lips as she tilts her head, looking surprised by what they have just done. “Wow,” she says still trying to catch her breath.

Kylo’s eyes widen briefly before he’s quick to cover them as curls into himself.  His shoulders start to shake as a low laugh begins to make itself heard, Rey smiles at the sound of it.

“Wow,” he repeats back before wiping some of the water from free his face.

The smile in return Rey receives is stunning, it takes her by surprise and she notices right away how youthful his eyes look. The shock must show on her own face because Kylo is quick to withdraw back to a more sober state of happiness. There is still a glint in his eyes and Rey already misses, how brightly for a moment he shined. Knowing better than to want to chase or morn it, she turns on now steadier legs and reaches for a bottle on the shelf.

“We should actually clean up before we end up late,” Rey says softly.

Kylo crowds in behind her and places a soft kiss to her shoulder. It almost feels like an apology but she would never accept it if it was one. His lips linger as he breathes over her skin, drawing Rey to look back at him.

“Not a bad way to start a morning,” he whispers in a low husky tone.

Long fingers curl and grip Rey’s hip, leading her to narrow a warning gaze his way. “Don’t expect this to become habit,” she informs him.

He returns back a mirrored image of her own measure gaze, but soon enough they are both fighting back the need to smile. Knowing time isn’t on their side the more they fool around, Rey shoves the bottle at him after she takes a good squirt first from it, holding it carefully in her hands. Despite the mischievous smirk that lingers on Kylo’s lips, he doesn’t make a move to prevent them from both bathing further.

 

* * *

 

Two stormtroopers stand side by side, blasters held to their chests as they guard an awaiting shuttle with its boarding ramp down. Steam moves in fat puffs of clouds, blowing in the gentle wind through the night air. Above three moons of various sizes wax and wane as only a smattering of stars make it through the passing clouds. With the hour late upon the spaceport, it was mostly empty minus a few maintenance workers going about their business.

Turning his head just enough to look at his fellow guard, one stormtrooper spoke to the other. “Ever heard of this guy before?”

A click rings out before it’s followed by a second, and more senior trooper’s voice. “Even if I had I know it’s better if you keep your mouth shut.”

The first stormtrooper’s armor rustles as he moves to turn further towards his partner. “What’s _that_ suppose to mean?”

“It _means_ who ever this is, it’s better if we don’t ask stupid questions, and just do as we we’re commanded to do. You think we’d be up at this hour over just anybody?”

“No,” replied the first stormtrooper sorely. “You don’t think it’s an Admiral do you?”

Snapping his head to the right, the second trooper glared through his visor at the other. “Stop asking stupid questions and be ready, he’s suppose to be here soon. And no it’s not an Admiral, they have their own shuttles and guards. Why would one take off from this backwater rock? I don’t want to hear another word from you.”

Moving to stand back at attention, the first stormtrooper rolled his eyes behind his helmet. “Yes sir,” he grumbled sarcastically.

“One more word and I’ll personally bring you up on…”

The stormtroopers’ words died as soon as the sound of boots on metal rang out. Both turned to look at the approaching figure cloaked in a dark heavy coat. They watched in silence as the unassuming looking man walked towards them. With the lack of good light it was hard to really make out the man’s features, but both troopers stood perfectly still when they first caught sight of his eyes. There was a sharpness to them, deadly and cunning, even in the dim it was clear to spot, piercing both men like a shot.

“You my ride?” the man spoke up.

The senior stormtrooper took one step forward but kept his blaster firmly close just in case it was needed. “Are you Turis?”

Tugging on a strap to lift his sack into a better position on his shoulder, the newly appeared man nodded. “Yeah that’s me. You know where I’m headed?”

“Yes sir,” the trooper responded and then stepped aside.

As the other stormtrooper did the same, they followed after Turis as he walked up the ramp ahead of them into the shuttle. Making it only halfway up, Turis stopped and turned back towards them.

“Which one of you is the pilot?” he asked.

“The pilot is inside already,” the senior trooper replied.

“Good,” Turis said with a smile before pulling a blaster free that he had hidden.

All three hurried in a rush of movement, the two stormtroopers turning their blasters outward to fire but two shots rang out first. Pocketing his blaster back into it’s hidden holster, Turis watched as the two guards fell then rolled down the ramp. He followed, giving each a swift kick to knock them clear.

“Sorry boys, it’s not your night,” he uttered before walking back up the ramp.

At the top Turis could see clearly to the front of the shuttle and to the lone pilot in black armor. Turning around in their seat, the pilot silently stared at Turis before tilting their head slightly to look past him.

“It’s just the two of us on this flight,” Turis instructed as he hit the controls to the ramp with his fist.

Slowly it rose as he walked further inward. If the pilot had any issue with Turis, they kept it to themselves. Turning back around in their seat, the pilot increased the power to the engines and the shuttle began to lift up. Setting a hand down on the back of the pilot’s seat, Turis leaned in to look at the controls.

“Ignore those coordinates,” he grumbled before reaching into a pocket on his jacket and pulled out a crumbled piece of paper. Unrolling it open, he tried to smooth it out first with his fingers before handing it over.

“Here, put these in instead.”

Once the shuttle broke atmo, the pilot then turned and took the paper. After looking it over, their head lifted to stare once more at Turis. “This is in the Outer Rim,” spoke a distorted female voice. “I was told to bring you to…”

A shot rang out and the pilot slipped backwards out of their seat, Turis sighed and holstered his blaster. Slipping into the now empty seat, he set the shuttle to its new destination and muttered, “Too many questions.”

Looking down at the dead pilot’s still smoking body, a thin smirk pulled at the man’s lips. “Nothing personal but your lot loves to talk, can’t have you all spoiling things for me. See it’s been awhile since I’ve had a job and this one, well, when the boss says jump, I say how high.”

 

* * *

 

Once Rey is out into the hall does then the weight of where they are now chooses to settle back down heavily upon her shoulders again. She looks over to Kylo who’s fallen into step next to her, finding that he doesn’t appear to be bothered by the sea of people as much as she is. There’s more black uniforms than maintenance grey, it forces Rey to remind herself that this is more of along the lines of what Kylo is use to. An image of a sea of black parting before her slips into her mind, and for a moment Rey is startled to see through Kylo’s eyes what it’s like to walk as him. Through his mask’s visor she can see wary gazes looking up as they rush to get out of his way. She can feel the weight of heavy robes and the sensation of his saber hang from his waist. There is a dangerous living energy just under Kylo’s skin, so strong that Rey’s sure anyone not sensitive to the Force can still feel it.

“ _Shall I make them do the same for you_?” Kylo whispers into her mind.

Turning her head back to glare at him, Rey smacks him in the arm lightly and the memory he shared fades. “You will do no such thing, _Matt_ ,” she harshly whispers.

Faking he was hurt, Kylo rubs his arm and puts on a bit of a fake pout on for show. “Yes Osira  _dear,_ ” he says mockingly back.

“Don’t call me dear in public,” Rey chides before leading the way with a renewed purpose in her step.

“So much for the afterglow,” grumbles Kylo as even with his longer legs, he has to speed up just to keep pace with her.

Turning a corner Rey glances over her shoulder at him. “I heard that.”

The mess hall is just as busy as the hallways but they both waste little time getting their food, and eating it hurriedly.  After leaving the seats they barely managed to get in the first place, new arrivals rush over grabbing them up seconds later. Rey wonders to herself if later in the work day it’ll be the same, or that it might be best to eat again at a more uncommon time. When they reach the room they had previously reported to, the past few days hit Rey in a wave of memories but she’s quick to shake them off. As if to remind her too, her arm and new scar ache slightly. Kylo at her side must feel it as well because he goes rigid and still.

Any concern that Kylo could directed her way is silenced ahead of time as Rey’s mind brushes against his. “ _I’m fine_ ,” she thinks as tries to will the low pain away.

The rush of people coming and going proves to be an easy distraction for Rey to latch on to, but even that after a few minutes proves too much. Leaning down behind her, she feels Kylo speak in a low voice next to her ear.

“Where do we?” he starts to say while Rey shakes her head with a sigh.

“I… don’t actually know. I’m assuming someone is going to hand out assignments but I can’t even see where.”

Her voice trails off as she looks from person to person, searching for someone who appears to be in charge. A heavy hand touches her shoulder gently, drawing Rey to look back at Kylo. There is a faint and quick smirk on his face that turns into a stern look of concentration. Having always been use to accessing other’s minds, she feels him sweep across the room like a veil. Without thinking Rey’s hand touches her wrist, feeling for the missing bracelet. It’s absence gives her a swift reminder she’s no longer bound, that her Force abilities are not hidden away.

Kylo’s fingers squeeze slightly, drawing her attention back to him. In her mind she hears him speak low but warmly. “ _Feel how I make the jumps Rey. Look for the cords of thoughts and find the connecting ones._ ”

It’s jarring to feel him rush through the Force, moving at speeds her own mind fumbles to even try and stay with. The years of practice, of being so experienced for most of his life with the Force, echoes loudly through his actions. Rey can feel how Kylo gathers threads, thoughts that branch from one person to another through their connections. Skillfully he discards the useless ones, letting them fall freely away as he narrows his search down to one that dashes from person to person.

Wondering if anyone feels him go about his task, she searches for knowing eyes but it’s clear enough after a short time no one does. Kylo is a ghost and Rey is his fellow phantom, using the crowd of minds to distill one answer finally, along with a direction. In tune they both turn together to look at the same person, Rey, feeling through Kylo, senses the cord he’s grasping ahold of. It points the way from a web of thoughts to a man talking heatedly to another worked in a grey uniform.

“ _You have to show me how you did that_ ,” her mind says in a muted awe.

His amusement flickers like a flame as he lets his hand slip away from Rey’s shoulder. “ _In time_ ,” he thinks. “ _I told you once I would teach you, that still stands._ ”

Carefully they slip together through the crowd, Rey now using just the lightest mental nudge to have people part the way for them. “ _Now that we get along so well, I will take you up on that._ ”

Kylo’s amusement brushes against her and she soaks it in, feeling a touch of joy knowing she now has the power to make him happy. He must hear her thoughts because a warmth rolls over her, giving Rey a taste of how true that is. As the man of their focus draws closer, she quickly hushes his mind and makes her own, firm and focused. Withdrawing reluctantly, Kylo still hovers somewhere in the back of Rey’s mind as a familiar hum in their bond.

Breaking past the last group of people talking to one another, they move next to the man Kylo has discovered is the one in charge of the work group they were apart of. He notices them walking towards him and Rey watches as his face lights up in recognition.

“It’s you, the two of you,” he says turning away from someone walking away. “The ones who helped putting out that fire threatening the reactor. I was looking forward to see you both after all of that.”

Opening her mouth, Rey’s words fail her but Kylo is quick to pick up the slack. “We really didn’t do much,” he says flatly. “Are you who we see for our new assignments?”

The older man’s face falls into a frown as he lets out a soft huff, rejection staining his mood. With a quick nod of his head, he looks down at a list of names on a chart and scans it. “You’re part of the new transfers right? We’ve been breaking you all up into smaller teams, easier to manage you all that way. From now on you need to report to your team leader for your assignments, but seeing as all that happened, I’m here for this week helping out until this mess gets straightened out. Is that understood?”

Finally finding her voice, Rey nods in return as acknowledgement. “Yes sir, who’s the leader for us?”

Glancing down again, he scans his paperwork carefully. “You are on team twenty five dash c, that’s headed by Kal Varn. He should be over in that back corner,” the older man says and then points to exactly where he means. “Just look for a fella about your height, brown hair, has a birthmark on his jaw. Can’t miss him.”

Just before Rey can thank him, a woman pushes past, grabbing the man by the arm. “Sarkin,” she says breathless. “They need you at cooling control _now_ . The rolling surges are still happening and I’m _done_ with trying to fight between _those two_ as what to do about it!”

“ _Kriff_ ,” hisses Sarkin before giving Rey and Kylo a last quick glance. “Excuse me,” he says and rushes off with all the swiftness of a man on a mission.

Letting out a low sigh, Rey slips a hand under her glasses and rubs at her eyes. “It’s going to be one of those days.”

“Don’t be so glum,” huffs Kylo. “You love a challenge.”

Setting her frames back into place, she throws a smirk his way before starting to part the crowd again with her mind. “You’re in a good mood.”

“I wonder how that could of happened?” he whispers with a casual confidence.

A hot flush creeps up Rey’s neck, tinging her cheeks pink as she’s quick to gnaw on her lips, trying to calm the surge of emotions back down under control. Bright amusement at the effect he’s had on her radiates from Kylo, fueling Rey to walk faster as she wonders how different work will be from now on. Previously she could only just sense Kylo, catch bits of his emotions while her own was hidden safely away thanks to her braclet. To be this open from now on, to have a connection that went both ways, was comforting as it was distracting. It was a nice one at best but Rey still had a streak in her that hated anything that could distract her from working. It of course came from her life on Jakku, a scavenger’s trait for sure, that caused her nothing but suffering on Ahch-To.

Ahch-To’s waves crashed against it’s own rocks as they knocked mentally against her too. The noise had been so unlike anything from where she had lived. Deserts were usually quiet places, only the wind and soft hush of moving sand kept her company over the years. Ahch-To was nothing like that, its dark waters were loud, echoing endlessly at all hours in no real pattern. Luke had said he found it soothing, reminding him of the ebbs and flow of the Force. For Rey it was a pounding she had to endure that at times would push her to the edge. Training had been hard, to have to find a way to keep her mind clear as each trickle and rolling crash frayed her nerves a little more.

“Stop fighting against it Rey,” Luke had told her in that soft but firm tone he often had spoken in. “Just let it in and the focus will come.”

“I’m _trying_ ,” she had hissed while trying to reach out and take hold of the rock before her.

“No Rey,” the older man sighed. “Relax, empty everything from your mind, and let yourself flow to it.”

Another wave crashed below, breaking what little progress she had managed to scramble together. Frustration boiled up within Rey as a hot streak, drawing her up to her feet as the rock before her cracked in two.

“ _I can’t_!” she cried out.

“ _Rey_ ,” Kylo’s mind snapped.

The memory faded and Rey found herself standing still in the middle of the room. It takes her a moment to recall where she is and what they are doing. A firm hand touches her back but she doesn’t look back at Kylo.

“I’m fine, just distracted for a moment there,” she says calmly before walking ahead once more.

“ _I saw_ ,” Kylo whispers through their bond.

Without thinking, a part of Rey reaches out to him, needing to feel a sense of comfort. His mind welcomes her in and she relaxes under the soothing warmth he freely gives. If Kylo feels any sting from seeing his uncle in her mind, he keeps it well hidden from her. Instead Rey senses his concern over her daydream, it’s low and in the background along with the urge to talk to her about the matter.

A relieved sigh passes Rey’s lips as her tension bleeds away. “Later,” she says as a promise, knowing they still have so much to talk about. So much.

Kal Varn looks very much the way Sarkin had described him. There on his jaw is a small but deep red mark, spattered in a shape paint could easily take on when flicked from a brush. He’s dressed similar to them, minus the orange work vest, and holds his own list of tasks much like Sarkin. A small group is gathered around, all looking between a mixture of bored and impatient. Lining up at the back, one by one, each person seems to receive their orders and then hurries off. It takes a few minutes but their turn comes, Kal looks up only briefly up at them.

“Name?” he says so flatly that Rey can feel how bored he is of asking that same question over and over again.

“Osira and Matt,” she says speaking up. “New transfers from section five.”

Repeating their names under his breath, Kal’s eyes flicker down his list. “Repairs,” he speaks up and looks between the two of them.

“You’ll be given tools, parts, and a map of a sector you’re responsible for at supplies. Just head back out of here, turn right, and walk to the end of the hall. If you can’t figure out anything, fill out a form and report it, but as of now all work is on everyone’s head so I suggest you find a way to make things work. Am I clear on this?”

Forcing a small smile on her lips, Rey gives Kal the smallest of nods. “Yes sir.”

He returns it with own tiny nod and then brushes them off with a wave of his hand. “Get going, and don’t get lost new transfers.”

“We’ll _try_ not to,” Kylo almost hisses but Rey takes him instead by the arm, moving the two of them away.

Keeping to one side of the hall seems to be the best way to pass along it’s length quickly. The opposite side’s traffic does the same, leaving the middle open to those in enough of a hurry to break into a run or at least a steady jog. This may be the busiest Rey has ever seen a base before, not even the Resistance has enough people to come close to this steady and constant rush. As shoulders and arms brush against her, she starts to flinch with each brushing touch. Sweat starts to trickle down the back of her neck as Rey’s vision narrows, the walls seemingly starting to lean inwards. Quickly trying to blink the illusion away, Rey moves as close to the wall as she can, letting her fingers drag along it for some sense of stability.

When they approach a hallway intersection the crowd grows even worse in number. Kylo is forced against her back and Rey finds herself struggling to see over so many passing heads. Distracted by how to even cut through such a mess, her mind tries to reach out and brush against any near by minds, doing the same mental nudge as before. Her control isn’t refined enough to move more than one or two before a new swarm is freshly surrounding them.  It proves too much for Rey to handle so she gives up the ineffective struggle, and instead tries to push. Her hands grab at arms and backs, forcing them to move them along fruitlessly. The reward to her effort comes in the form of another slamming into her, a sharp bony shoulder colliding with her own. Wincing as the pain only servers to aggravate her sore arm, Rey only gets to focus on it for a moment.

A warm hand touches her back, just below her vest, and with a flash of strength that takes her by surprise, the halls turn deadly quiet as every person within it freezes. Rey’s own body locks up as well but not from the power Kylo is projecting out, rather it’s from how he’s using her as a lighting rod to do so. She can feel how he’s not only halted their limbs but all their minds as well, not allowing any of them to realize what is happening to any of them. In a way he’s frozen time around them but the awe over his actions doesn’t last as Rey quickly thinks about the people he can’t reach.

“Stop it,” she whispers. “We can’t, no one can know about…”

Before her words can finish spilling out, the connection breaks and time begins again. The noise is deafening for a moment, and in that time, Kylo with an outstretched arm pushes people out of the way. Together they clear the intersection, and at the first alcove Rey is pulled into it. Crowding into the small space, she looks up at him with a myriad of emotions. Awe, anger, relief, and nagging concern all hit her at once, cooling her heated skin in seconds.

“You shouldn’t have done that!” Rey hisses, letting her anger win for now.

Instead of being normally defiant, Kylo withers under the heat of her gaze. “I had to, you were being crushed!”

Placing a hand on his chest, she looks outward but can’t see anyone looking their way as they past by. “For that I’m grateful but I can handle some shoving.”

Brushing across her mind, Rey can feel Kylo find within her own thoughts what she had been feeling then at the moment. A heavy frown weights down his face as puts his hand on her arm, just above the slow ache. His touch is feather light as Kylo brushes a thumb over her sleeving in a soothing gesture.

“Thank you,” Rey breathes out. “But _do not_ do that again. If anyone saw, and you missed them, I can’t have you jeopardising my mission. I can’t…”

Kylo’s touch stills as he feels she has more to say, encouraging her on her speaks. “Go on.”

Clenching at his uniform, Rey lets’ it go as her gaze drifts to his hand upon her. “I can’t have anyone knowing about you, about who you are. If the First Order found out, they’ll come for you, and I’m not ready for us to part yet. Is that what you wanted to hear?”

Leaning down closer to her, she feels Kylo’s need to kiss her lips. Rey pulls away first, forcing him to let her go. “Don’t,” she pleads. “We can’t out here, it’s not safe.”

They stand together in silence as the minutes tick slowly by. Rey can feel Kylo putting together what he’s done, taking note of the consequences for acting without thinking despite his good intentions.

“You’re right,” whispers Kylo. “Sorry, I… I didn’t like seeing you in pain. Didn’t like feeling it.”

A small smile plays at the corners of Rey’s mouth and he doesn’t miss any of it. “I know,” she says quietly. “We’re still figuring this out but we have to be careful. We’re not all powerful nor all seeing, despite how it could seem otherwise. We mustn't forget that. I’m a spy and you’re in hiding, it would be easy enough to guess Kylo Ren is here if anyone see’s the Force being used. You’ve done well enough over the years I’m sure that everyone in the First Order knows you.”

Letting out a quick huff first, Kylo then reluctantly nods his head. “I would sure hope so seeing as I’m at the top.”

“ _Kylo_ ,” Rey groans before shaking her head at her very own slip up. “No real names either, only in our room.”

“Re-Osira,” he corrects. “If you need help, just ask me.”

Lifting her chin up, Rey looks into his brown eyes and can’t help but smirk at his messy blonde wig. Just like so many times before, her hands reach up to fix it and then gently touch the metal frames of his glasses.

“I know and I just didn’t think of it then, but I can handle myself,” she says warmly. “Even if I don’t like what’s going on, I can make it through it. It’s going to just take time, for the both of us to learn how this now works between us. Having you in my head, knowing what’s going on through it. I’m use to being alone, and I know you are too. All I want is for this to work out. To not ruin it by acting foolishly, well, more foolishly than we’ve honestly already done.”

Since he can’t kiss her in the flesh, Kylo reaches out and lets Rey feel him give her a soft peck within the safety of her mind. What tension she had been holding on to bleeds away from the small gesture as she smiles a little more warmly at him.

“I’ll ask next time but if I don’t, give me the chance to try and work through first on my own.” Patting his chest, Rey withdraws her hand and looks back into the hall. “Come on, we’re running late as it is. I rather we get our work and be on our way, hopefully further away from this hectic mess.”

“Of course,” Kylo says before following her out back into the crowd.

 

* * *

 

The afternoon light filtered in through the lone window in General Organa’s office, it provides some warmth as she stares down at the pile of reports on her desk. The two Rey had managed to send weighted on her mind, not so much over the content, but instead the author. She knew it was risky to let Rey go, but she also was one of their best chances at stopping the new super weapon. Having gotten off the last one moments before it’s destruction, her background and training given to her by Leia’s brother, made it impossible to stop the girl from going. If anything Leia should've begged or at least asked. It was still early into the mission so she hadn’t expected anything of revelation to be shared yet. For the moment the Resistance had some time on their side, and with any luck, they could eek out a small edge.

Being drawn from her thoughts by a knock, Leia turned to door and called out, “Come in.”

It opened and Poe stuck his head in. “Got a moment General?”

A smile graced her lips and she waved the man to enter further. “For you Poe, of course. What can I do for you?”

Shutting the door behind himself, the star pilot looked hesitant to speak. “I wish it was good news General, but, I do have an idea of what to do about it.”

“Oh?” Leia said while sitting up further in her chair. Folding her hands to rest on top of her desk, she looked at Poe with a spark in her gaze, mind ready listen to what he had to say.

Taking a seat before her, he leaned in and spoke softly. “We’ve just got word The Finalizer is heading to the new Starkiller base. Can’t be sure if this is routine or if our people have been found out, but we’ve got to get word to them. I know it’s one way radio dark but there is a fail safe where we can reach out to them General.”

“Go on,” nodded Leia. “What’s your plan?”

“I fly out to the Outer Rim, get as close as I can without being detected, and send them all a warning before it’s too late.” Reaching up to rub his jaw, Poe’s hand scrapes against the day’s growing stubble. “All of the data pads given have a secure channel we can contact the team through but it’s short range only.”

Looking over at the datapads with Rey’s reports still displayed on them, Leia mulls over what she’s been told before looking back at Poe. “How soon can you leave?”

“I just need the ok to refuel General and I’m gone,” replies Poe with a knowing smirk. “With luck I’ll be there and back before the ship’s arrival, they’ll never know I was ever there in the first place.”

“Do it,” commands General Organa. “But I want you to add something to the message, tell them so long as ship is there I want a daily report on the matter, but only if they can. Their safety is still priority, but I won’t let us be caught off guard again. One system is more than enough for them to destroy, we won't let them have another.”

“It’s as good as done,” says Poe as he rushes to stand.

Leia watches him move to the door but she speaks up before he can move through it. “One last thing Poe.”

Stopping at words, he turns and looks back with a questioning brow. A bitter smile that becomes warmer by the moment, pulls tightly on her lips. “Be safe.”

 

* * *

 

Rey had never been so happy before to receive a page of working orders as Kylo lifted the new toolbox assigned to them from off the supply counter. The line they had to wait in had been a testament to both of their tempers, and for once, it was Rey who felt ready to just knock a few people aside. The quick imagining of letting go, using the Force to thrust her way back through the sea of people danced across her mind. Kylo looked surprised as he stared down at her but Rey could sense the thought pleased him too.

“Still fine,” she barked and shot a glare his way to get a move on.

Carrying their box of replacement parts, Rey’s arms throbbed from the effort of keeping the heavy contents up.. Kylo was smart enough to walk ahead this time, letting his height and size carve a path for her to follow. He did glance back, sending her a curious ping of how she was doing.

Rolling her eyes, Rey lightly kicked the back of his calf with her foot. “ _Still fine_ ! Just keep walking and quit, I can’t believe I’m saying this, fretting over me. I’ll speak up if I need you but if you stop, or ask me again, I swear I’ll show you just how mean I can be. Do _not_ test me right now.”

“Ok, ok,” Kylo meekly agreed before turning his attention back to walking faster.

His mind on the other hand can’t help but think about when he’s seen her truly mad before. The best image that comes to him is on the previous base, out in the forest among the falling snow with her standing over him, saber alive in her hand. She looked almost feral, Rey’s rage seemingly able to match his own. Fear had gripped Kylo so tightly as she circled him, a finishing blow moments away. The need to end him could almost be tasted on his lips as it radiated from her in a deadly aura.

“What did I _just_ say?” growled Rey from behind Kylo.

To prove she was not to be tested, Rey shifted the box in her hand and grabbed at him with her free hand. She pulled sharply on a strap on his vest, cinching one of the waist bands tighter. Yanking on another, Kylo grunted as the material dug into his torso.

Letting out a shallow gasp, he stood up straighter, trying to relieve the pressure. “I didn’t say anything,” he yelled back at her.

Yanking on a third strap more tightly than the others, a hint of smirk flicked on Rey’s face. “Keep walking Matt.”

“Yes Osira,” he wheezed.

Their new section of the base was similar in layout as to the previous one. Rey only needed to check the map a few times to find exactly where they were assigned to. The back halls and maintenance tunnels looked the same as she set down the box at a juncture. Ahead Rey could already see some of the heavy damage the quake had inflicted in a few spots that was surely on their list.

Her attention was pulled away as the toolbox rattled in Kylo’s arms while he leaned back against a wall. “R-Rey” he gasped. “Please, your handy work. I can’t breathe.”

Since they were alone she didn’t reprimand him for using her real name, but she did walk over and take the toolbox from him. Setting it down on the floor, Rey smirked up at Kylo and began to loosen the straps. One by one her fingers tugged them loose, then she slipped a hand up and under. Gently rubbing the area as he sighed, Kylo was happy to breath easily again.

“Does anyone else ever get this sort of treatment from you?” he asks.

Removing her hand first, Rey turns and leaves him to return to the parts box. On top was the map and work list, picking both up she glanced between the two and shrugged her shoulders.

“If I skip anyone on Jakku that deserved it, Finn has seen a little, but he hasn’t drawn out my ire quite like you do.” Looking his way, Rey flashes him a cunning smirk. “You’re a special case,” she says with a quick wink of one eye.

Pulling on his vest, Kylo adjusts it as he looks away with pink tinted cheeks. “Guess I’m lucky then.”

“Now I wouldn’t say that,” she chuckles while tossing both items in her hands back down on top of the box. “Come here a moment.”

Looking her over from top to bottom, Kylo narrows his gaze at Rey before slowly walking over. Despite how he towers over her, he doesn’t look confident in his advantage. With a wave of her hands, Rey motions him closer. Bending down further, she takes him by the collar and pulls, bringing Kylo down to a hot and quick kiss.

As their lips part, Rey licks her own. “That’s all you get so don’t get any ideas,” she utters.

“One more?” Kylo asks anyways.

The heat of her anger rises but there must be something in Kylo’s eyes that stops Rey from acting upon it. Instead she gives in, pulling him into another meeting of lips that’s slow and wet.

“Kylo,” she breathes into his mouth as he presses in closer.

Wrapping his arms around her waist, Kylo is quick to hold her, to pull her body flush with his own. “Last one,” he whispers before tasting her deeply.

He can feel Rey giving in but can also feel when her better sense of priorities begins to win out. Withdrawing before she can pull away, Kylo brushes his lips across cheek and lets go. Rey takes a step back and they both stare at one another, smiling lightly at how flushed they’ve become.

“Why do you have to test me?” she whispers.

Kylo lets out a quick chuckle, “I could ask you the same thing.”

Taking a deep breath in, Rey exhales slowly and clears her mind. “Work, we are getting to work now so hands off. For the both of us.”

Holding up his own in a sign of peace, Kylo takes a step back to put some distant between them. “I can be a model worker,” he states. “I promise.”

Rey looks at him like she doesn’t believe him then lets out an amused scoff. “Sure.”

Bending down before the parts box, the map and worksheet are moved to the floor before she opens it. Digging through the contents, Rey pulls out each one and compares them to the corresponding numbers on the sheet. Laying out what they’ll be working with, a voice, soft and distorted says her name from somewhere far away.

Turning to look down the maintenance tunnel she see’s no one there but feels them through the Force. Kylo must sense it too through her because Rey can feel him prickle near by. As she focuses on the voice echoing out her name again, a shock hits Kylo violently with recognition. Any good mood he had is dashed away, leaving the man almost snarling at the phantom’s voice.

“ _Don’t_ ,” he warns as Rey feels in the undercurrents of his mind he’s actually begging her not to push on.

The familiarity of who it is prevents her from stopping, but when Rey puts the pieces together, she looks back to see Kylo glaring. There is a real fear in his eyes but she needs to know, to hear their words clearly calling to her. Doing the best she can, Rey pushes Kylo to the back of her mind but doesn't cut him off completely. She’s honestly not sure if she actually could completely even if she tried. Instead a wall is put around him, tall and solid to be his shield from who’s trying to reach her.

Kylo’s fearful gaze draws down to hers but Rey returns it with a calm confidence. “I won't let her sense you,” she whispers, knowing now it’s Leia’s mind drifting at her. “But I have to do this.”

Reaching up to take off his glasses, Kylo pinches the bridge of his nose while keeping his eyes tightly shut. “I know but I’ll still have to see it later, you can’t keep it locked up forever from me now. I don’t… I can’t deal with that, deal with her. Please.”

“Trust me,” Rey pleads softly, “Trust me on this. She wouldn’t... It has to be important, there’s no other reason for me to feel her. I’ll protect you.”

Looking up at her Kylo pales, Rey can feel his heart pounding within his own chest but it’s not from fear. Her words cut through him to the marrow, filling Kylo with too many emotions he’s ill prepared to handle at the moment. Deep in a corner of his mind, a whisper betrays and confuses him. If he hadn’t already been so sure of his feelings for Rey already, he’s positive he would have fallen for her at that very moment.

“Fine,” sighs Kylo as he slides his glasses back on.

Not missing what just happened within him, Rey’s eyes light up but she turns her focus back to Leia’s voice. Using the trust given, her mind is quick and sharp to be on guard. Leia isn’t trained like them but the woman is strong, intuitive, and sometimes more naturally skilled than she ever lets on. To make matters worse Kylo is her child, whatever bond they had ever shared could still be an easy accessway for her to sense him through. If Rey wasn’t so short on focus she surely would have wondered how all this time Kylo kept himself from his family.

“ _Rey_ ,” Leia speaks to her. “ _There’s danger coming, be safe. Please be safe_.”

“ _I am_ ,” thinks Rey back as she feels the from strain pushing her thoughts so far away from herself. “ _I will._ ”

If the General hears her she is unsure, but she does feels and hears Leia withdraw. Silence takes hold of the tunnel once again as fear and worry creep in. “Kylo,” Rey says softly. “I need you to do something.”

There is a quiver in his voice that she’s smart to ignore. “What?” he asks.

Turning her head to look at him, Rey lets down the walls around the part of her mind his seems to occupy now. Carefully she puts the memory of Leia in a locked box and is unsure if the bond will ever open it on it’s own as it’s prone to do. For now it’s safely hidden, unable to torment Kylo.

“Something, or someone dangerous is coming,” she explains. “I need to know who, or what. I have to warn the others here.”

Whatever fear that held him still, Kylo pushes it away and rises with a renewed spark. He looks up and away, his mind reaching out for points far beyond the base. The quiet persists until he finds a spot he’s kept labeled in his mind as a name that Rey knows of. They’ve heard his voice every morning as long as they both have been there. Now Rey hears him through Kylo. It’s like looking through a hole in wall but they look out together through a pair of eyes staring at table of data pads. The gaze raises upwards to look out the office and Rey shivers when she hears him speak.

“Ren,” says Hux surprised. “Where are you? I know the feeling of you creeping around my mind anywhere.”

Inside Kylo’s mind he becomes like a shadow, black and large enough to hide Rey behind. Through him she can peer out like veil but she feels him keeping her protected, much like how she just did for him. Wearing his mask and robes, Rey is unsure if Hux can see him too but the change could be also just apart of that part of his personality.

“No where you need to know,” he says through a distorted voice, a perfect replica of his real mask’s voice changer. “But where are you off to General? Ah, keeping tabs on your pet project, I see it’s not going to plan. I wonder how Leader Snoke must feel about that?”

“Enough,” the General hisses. “Get out. I have better things to do with my time than talk to your incorporeal voice.”

The hole shuts and Rey feels they are alone in Kylo’s thoughts. He’s still as his mind slowly turns over what he gleamed from Hux and she catches glimpses of it around them. The mentally constructed room they stand in looks similar to the room she’s been previous in on the base that’s his.

“This is my room on the Finalizer. ,” he speaks up, still very much the Kylo Ren of the First Order and Master of the knights of Ren. “Currently the ship is on it’s way here, we have days before Hux arrives to survey and correct his work.”

Moving around from behind him, Rey looks up to his mask and knows he’s in it out of habit to appear this way with in his own mind. She can feel how the persona is easy for him to wear and isn’t always easily removed. Not moving to remove it, Rey stands firmly before him fully in acceptance of this part of Kylo. His head tilts slightly as she knows he’s trapped in the throes of being this version of himself.

“I know this will only cause trouble, but what if I can use that to my advantage?” schemes Rey outloud.

“Explain.”

Glancing down at the saber on his belt, Rey’s eyes traces the lines of his craftsmanship as she speaks. “He’s doesn’t know the base is already compromised by the Resistance, I’m sure his very presence will increase any searches for moles. There has to be a way to turn that around, use it to help my cause instead of hinder it. I’ve been biding my time, waiting to make any real move to gather intel on the more advance working or structural weaknesses of the weapon, but I could use Hux as a distraction. Turn the spotlight he’ll shine down to where I want it and keep my real target hidden.”

A leather covered hand reaches out and lifts Rey’s chin up, she stares into his visor and feels him smile behind it. “Cunning as ever scavenger.”

Rey’s eyes narrow at the term, instead of usually hating what it denotes, she feels a pinch of pride at his use of it. If Kylo Ren stands before her, she faces him as Rey of Jakku and all that entails. “That’s my girl,” he purrs while sensing where her mind goes to.

“Are you with me on this?” asks Rey with a gleam in her eye.

Leaning down Kylo turns to gaze and hover next to her face. His fingers trace her jaw then carefully drift to take hold of the back of her head, cradling it gently. “Yes,” his voice rumbles out. “I want to watch you burn it all down until there’s nothing left. Leave them empty and wanting, break the Order by your will alone. I’m your hand, your arm Rey, use me as you see fit. Everything I am and have is yours to move. The knights of Ren kneel to me, but I only bow to you. Just you.”

Her eyes catch sight of dark bodies moving towards them, she watches as all the knights of Ren appear one by one. A set of six stand behind Kylo and take a knee, lowering their heads in silence. Kylo follows suit, dropping down and taking her by the hand while looking up at her. A feeling of power goes to her head, leaving Rey swimming in something heady. She knows Kylo is professing to use him as a weapon, and that Snoke has done the same with him before.

“No,” she whispers and pulls on his hand to stand back up. He cautiously rises and Rey slips her fingers between his. “I won’t treat you like that, you’re not what he’s made you into, you are so much _more_. Don’t bow to anyone Kylo, especially not me. Together we will succeed in this, or together we fall. There’s so much about one another we still need to learn but I know you, can feel all of you with in me as I know I’m I’m buried in you. This bond, it ties as together us one. I want to stop this weapon because it’s right, and because with it gone it moves us a step closer to a new future.”

Squeezing his hand within her own, she steps in closer and brushes against him. “Don’t we deserve a chance to find out if we can build that house one day?”

“Rey,” rumbles from Kylo and he’s quick to wrap an arm around her, pulling her to lean against his chest. “I’m with you to the very end, no matter what happens.”

Pressing her face to the black fabric of Kylo’s robes, Rey shuts her eyes and focuses on the feeling of him. “I want you to teach me,” she says softly. “What you know and how you fight. I want us to be ready for anything, there is no future for us if we don’t fight.”

“Only if you show me more in return.”

Looking up she doesn’t understand Kylo’s meaning. Running a hand over her head, he smoothes a few loose hairs down and explains. “How to fix things, how to pilot a ship. It’s what I should have learned from…”

“From your father.” Rey finishes for him.

“Yes.”

Smiling slowly, she nods up at him and leans her head back against his chest. “Together, we do it together.” Rey whispers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to apologize for taking one hell of a break from this story, but I really needed a break from fandoms in general. Long story short, too much fighting for my taste, but the new movie trailer as renewed my love and passion. I do intend no matter what to finish this story, even if it takes me years to get there. It's my joy and my pleasure to create this world, more often than none I find myself surprised by what it draws out of me. I usually keep rough plot points in mind but I honestly make so much of this up on the fly. Thanks as always for reading and thank you for waiting if you are still around, I hope this chapter was worth it. The plot is actually starting to move now.
> 
> This chapter is dedicated to Frozenmusings because she always listens to me ramble on about my own writing and for that I am thankful.


	30. Optimistic

Slipping her arm into the open panel Rey navigated a pair of wire cutters in one hand to the control circuit she was balancing in her other. Looking over the top of a pipe that was in the way of her view she tried to duck her head in further to see better but instead blocked the light shinning in.

“A little higher,” she commented back to Kylo.

Lifting the flashlight up he watched as Rey snipped the piece free. It was passed back to him, taking it carefully from her he set it down next to their feet. Withdrawing from the open hole Rey began to look around, lightly touching the wall for any other panel she could access. Feeling a seam, her fingers brushed against flat screws that were practically hidden under a thin coat of black paint. Reaching for the toolbox she found a screwdriver and started the task of removing the inlaid panel cover.

Using her blunt fingernails Rey pried the metal free, inside was a crawl space just big enough for her to maybe fit into. Handing back the panel without looking Kylo took it from Rey as she lifted up off her knees.

Putting her hands on either side of the hole she uttered “I’m going in.”

Kylo set the panel cover down and watched as she slipped in, squeezing her shoulders through the space he thought was too small for her. To prove him further wrong Rey managed to pull herself in far enough that her hips rested against the open edges.

“You’re going to have to hand me everything through the bottom,” she grunted.

Kneeling down in front of the first open panel, Kylo looked in and spotted her hanging over a pipe. “You ok?” he asked noticing how flushed Rey’s face looked.

Wiggling back and forth she fought for just a few more inches of room then paled. “I… I think I’m stuck.

“Do you want me to pull you out?”

“ _No_ ,” snapped Rey before looking regretful at her tone.

Kylo tilted his head, sensing a mixture of shame and pride. Slowly a hint of a smirk tugged at his lips. “Scavenger pride?” he chuckled.

A quick glare was directed his way before she sighed loudly. “Yes,” gritted out Rey. “On Jakku, getting stuck can mean death. I would have _never_ made such a mistake if I was...”

As her voice died off Rey’s eyes turned downward, away from anywhere but him. Even without the bond he could have figured out what she was about to say. His smile sweetened as an awkward silence hung between them. Lowering his body further, Kylo pushed himself into the hole while holding on to the replacement board. Reaching out to give it to Rey he waved it at her, forcing her to look up at him.

“You’re not,” he said calmly.

Feeling taken aback by the manner Kylo had spoke in, it was one Rey rarely had heard from him. There was a sureness to his gaze so strong that she couldn’t turn away from it.

“Not anymore,” Kylo continued. “And I will pull you out. It’s fine if you get stuck Rey.”

Down her spine a tremor shook as her fingers reached for the board. Almost dropping it drew a soft chuckle from Kylo and it was then that Rey looked away, feeling a hot flush take hold of her cheeks. There were things they had done, words said between the two of them, but in that moment Rey’s heart felt so full and warm. It was hard not to imagine for just a moment what her life on Jakku would have been with a real friend, a companion who she could've counted on. Now she had at least a handful. Finn, BB-8, Poe, Chewie, even the General, and now Kylo Ren of all people. Drawing in her bottom lip between her teeth she sucked on it as she slipped the board down towards it’s awaiting slot.

When a solid click popped Rey breathed out some relief, one part of their job now was complete. Hanging her head down she looked back at Kylo and held out her arm, “Soldering iron.”

In his eyes she could see, feel him toss around a myriad of thoughts, but Kylo didn’t voice a single one. Turning away from her, Rey watched him fetch the needed tool and gently she tried to listen in on what might be on his mind. It was all vague images and words, slippery ideas that she failed to grasp on to. When he held out the iron to her Rey gave him a questioning look and tried to take it. It stayed firmly between Kylo’s fingers, even after she gave a soft tug on it.

“Could you do something for me later?” he asked.

“What?” she questioned.

Letting the soldering iron go he stared as Rey carefully pulled it towards herself. “I want you to show me,” he said hesitantly. “What a day was like for you on Jakku.”

Looking away as she leaned back to the board, Rey started to reattach the awaiting wires. “Why?” she asked while working.

“I want to understand you better,” Kylo began to explain. “That life is such a part of who you are, I want to see it for myself. I want to feel it as you did.”

Her hands paused for a moment as she took in the weight of what he was asking of her. Now with time passed Jakku was a place Rey wished to never return to, to be asked to relive even one day was a large request on her behalf. Quietly Kylo waited for her to speak, no pressure coming through the bond, just a steady curiosity.

Looking at the iron in her hands it was easy to see she really hadn’t gone that far away from her previous life. Instead of picking apart old things she was now fixing the new. Different climate thought, snow instead of sand, which of the two was better she couldn’t decide. If Rey thought of now in those terms the request didn’t seem so great.

“Alright,” she breathed out. “I’ll show you later.”

“Thank you,” he uttered soft and low.

Finishing up with a quick proficiency, Rey passed back the iron and tried to find a place to push from. Placing her hands against the walls, she shoved hard but didn’t move.

“Kriff,” she hissed. “I really am stuck.”

“Hold on,” grumbled Kylo from out in the maintenance tunnel.

A pair of strong hands wrapped around her ankles and she felt him tense up, ready to yank her free. “Breathe out,” he called out and pulled.

Rey felt a rush of air pushed from her lungs as she tried to suck in her gut as far as she could. It was jarring to be moved so easily, but in no time at all she found herself out and crashing into Kylo. He let a mumbled curse slip as her back hit his chest, together they tumbled to the floor in a mess of limbs. When Rey lifted her head up she found herself sitting in Kylo’s lap.

Looking over her shoulder Rey gawked at Kylo. “Did I hurt you?” she rushed to ask.

Surprise lit up his features but they quickly faded into a sly smile. “No,” rumbled his voice low. “Even if you did, you’ve done worse.”

Knowing it was meant to be taken jokingly Rey couldn’t stop herself from staring at the long scar she had given him. Noticing her gaze his hands slipped around her waist, his thumbs gently stroking her hips. A hot flush bloomed on Rey’s face to which Kylo seemed to enjoy.

“You were actually worried,” he chuckled. “This coming from the girl who refused to stop hitting me every time I did something wrong, or backed talked her.”

Leaning in closer Kylo brushed the end of his nose against her neck feather light. “You really have fallen for me, haven’t you?” he whispered.

“ _S-shut up!_ ” Rey huffed before trying to push herself up and off of him.

Allowing her to go, Kylo stood after and the two just looked at one another. He seemed to enjoy her quiet inner struggle, savoring all the mixed emotions flowing through their bond into him.

“I don’t know what you are so worked up about,” he said thoughtfully. “After what you did to me this morning.”

“Did you you?” Rey repeated shocked as her flush deepened further. “What about you?”

“Oh no,” he started to chuckle. “That was all devious you. You enjoyed it, it thrilled you to the core to have some control over me. Confess.”

Memories of just that morning flashed through her mind, the feeling of being hot and wet still vivid. Looking away Rey stared down at the awaiting toolbox while giving him her back.

“You didn’t put up much of a fight against my requests,” she uttered softly. “Letting slip so many thoughts you’d never otherwise say.”

Before she could look back over her shoulder, Kylo had crossed the space between them, wrapping his arms around her waist. Hot heavy breath rolled over her neck as he nuzzled his face into her skin. Instinctively she leaned back into him, her body suddenly aching to be touched, to be closer. The bond glowed brightly, a strong steady warmth that hummed with pleasure in both of their minds.

Placing a hand over one of his Rey gripped at Kylo’s fingers. “Stop,” she whispered despite how she wanted him to do the opposite.

The lips on her flesh paused before Kylo whispered back, “Admit it, you’d pull me apart bit by bit. Put your scavenger hands all over every part of me, weighing and calculating it’s worth. I wonder what you’d keep and what you’d throw back onto the pile.”

“I wouldn’t,” gasped Rey as she pressed on his arm to hold on to her tighter.

Giving into her silent request he squeezed Rey more firmly, forming a wall of strength around her. Leaning her head back she looked up at Kylo and found a piercing stare out of the corner of his eye directed right at her.

“As much as I hate parts of you, I wouldn’t throw any of it away,” she muttered. “How could I if you wouldn’t be you?”

Pain shot through him, but it didn’t sting or burn, it did something far worse instead. Leaning his head down Kylo hid his face into her hair. “Rey” he whispered in a broken low tone. “Do you have _any_ idea of what you do to me?”

Feeling clearly enough through the bond, every part of his messy emotions, Rey slowly reached up and touched his face. Her fingers stroked his cheek with the softest touch she was capable of, and for it Kylo moved just enough to kiss the tips of her fingers.

“I do,” she said honestly. “Do you?”

Gently Kylo’s mind slipped into Rey’s and she allowed him to flow over her, warmly, carefully. Into her blood and bones he soaked, his hands touching her both inside and out. After he exhaled slowly she felt him wrap ghostly fingers around her tendons and pull. Slowly her hand lifted upwards on it’s own, moving to her lips and tracing the very edges of it with just a finger. A deep shiver ran through Rey, both fearful and with delight at letting go, at allowing Kylo to access every part of herself. The world around them faded to a dim black, Kylo the only light in the tunnel that she could see.

The Force swept around them, alive and shimmering. Rey felt beautiful and loved, at peace and comfortable all at once. The constant darkness that always clung to Kylo in some way parted for a bit, leaving behind something more muted and natural. Her mind tried to understand what they were doing, he was just holding her, but it felt like something so much more. When Rey breathed in so did Kylo too, their lungs moving together as one. Looking down at one of the hands pressing against her waist, Rey thought and his fingers moved, curling tighter against her.

Letting out a sharp gasp, her shock was enough to force them back firmly in their own minds. Behind her Kylo jerked, his body shaking from a forceful jolt. His hands remained on her waist as she turned to face him, the two of them clearly in shock over what just happened.

“What was that?” came out as a quiver from Rey.

Looking more confused then shocked, Kylo’s brows drew down into a serious line as he seemed lost in thought. “I have an idea,” he muttered before relaxing his grip on her waist.

“This...bond,” Kylo carefully continued. “I’ve read about such a thing in books, but I never gave it much thought. Dismissed it actually because it's an ability that wouldn’t do anything for me.”

Keeping her eyes fixed upon him Rey asked, “Why not?”

“Because,” he sighed. “The only people I knew who had any control of the Force I wouldn’t want anywhere in my mind. Not when…”

Watching as his words failed him, Kylo licked his dry lips, trying to form words with them again. “Not when someone had been there already all my life.”

Carefully she picked out her words and pushed some feeling of comfort to him. “When was the last time they spoke to you?”

Dread bubbled up hard and fast but Kylo fought it as he kept his mouth tightly shut. Hundreds of thoughts he didn’t want to look at, think of, all flowed up at once. In small movements his head shook and then lowered as his jaw, chewing then swallowing, passed a heavy lump stuck in his throat.

“Years,” he croaked out, his voice uncharacteristically weak. “I don’t want to talk about it right now.”

“Of course,” Rey said softly.

Gripping her sides tightly, Kylo pulled Rey just a little closer. “I want to understand this between us, what it can do, it’s limits. That child I was once, he was foolish. He let some thing have all the power, all the knowledge. And for what? If I’m going to have you with me, inside my mind, I can’t allow us to blindly fumble with it like a couple of children.”

Shaking her head Rey looked at him with the same severe stare he was looking down at her with. “I want that too but this is still so new. Just the other day you found out who I really am, and that doesn’t make things anything easier between us, but it's not a reason to worry either. I wouldn’t treat this lightly, but this bond doesn’t feel to be a bad thing.”

“I didn’t say that it was,” Kylo mumbled as his eyes fluttered to hold back a glassiness in his stare. “I can’t… I don’t want to repeat…”

Lifting her arms up and open, Rey held a hopeful smile. “Come here,” she whispered and motioned for him to bend down.

Slowly Kylo moved but looked wary of what she was trying to do. Pulling him down into a hug Rey wrapped her arms around his wide neck, her fingers sliding across and up to the edge of his wig. He was tense in her embrace but still meekly wrapped his own arms around her too. Feeling how much Kylo had to bend to allow her to hold him gave Rey a firm reminder of how much taller he was, of how wide his shoulders were and the broadness of his back.

“We’ll do what needs to be done,” she spoke hushed to his ear. “No you are not that child anymore but you are a man unsure of himself. Whatever you need to need to fix that, I’m here. If you ever want to be alone, just ask. I’m not here to haunt you, I’m not a ghost to make you doubt your world. Don’t be afraid, I feel it too.”

A dark chuckle came from Kylo as he sighed into her hair. “Throwing my own words back at me?”

“How could I resist?” Rey laughed softly. “Tell me what you want to do, I know you have some idea already.”

“I do,” he quietly said. “Training will help with it. You need to learn what I know, and I need to get back to my own regiment. Even with all this manual work I’m going soft.”

Running her hands down across his back, Rey pulled away slightly to give him a stare that said she didn’t believe him. Kylo let out a soft huff and rolled his eyes.

“I’ve been very hard on myself for years, this is me soft,” he said dryly.

“How about we don’t kill one another right from the start?” Rey suggested. “We can work up to that later.”

Letting his hands slowly drift down, Kylo took Rey by her hips once more. “You think you could take me in a fight?”

A scoff of a laugh rolled out Rey along with a smile. “I know I can, and I have.”

A thin smirk formed on his mouth as he gazed down at her. “What if I told you I had been holding back then?”

“You weren’t,” she protested, but then gently prodded at his memories to find he wasn’t lying. “You didn’t want to kill me,” Rey whispered in awe.

“No, but I was hoping to push you to the edge. Try and force you to see things my way. I will admit, that was a bad course of action.”

Another laugh came from her and Rey’s smile grew brighter. “I’d say.”

Leaning down closer Kylo hovered his lips close to hers. “I much prefer things this way now.”

Allowing their lips to meet Rey closed her eyes and savored the chase but lingering touch. There was something about the way he touched her, that just a meeting of mouths could leave her breathless and hoping for more.

“Yes,” Rey breathed out winded. “I do too.”

Kylo’s hands followed the curves of Rey's body to her behind, cupping her gently he lifted her up into his arms and she wrapped her legs around his waist. Rey then gasped against his mouth and Kylo took a step back, bumping into the wall as their mouths tasted one another.

“I much rather fight with you this way,” his voice almost growled.

Rey’s laugh escaped as bright and warm sound. “But how would we ever know who the winner is?” she asked.

“That’s easy,” confessed Kylo. “It’s me.”

“You?” she scoffed.

“Yes me,” he muttered between nipping at her bottom lip. “Kissing you, how is that not a reward?”

Another soft gasp was wrought out of Rey as she buried one hand up and under his wig, desperate to touch and lightly scrape at his scalp. As their glasses clacked into one another, Kylo let out a low needy groan at her touch. The sound went right to Rey’s head, causing her to hold on tightly with her knees and rise up on them. Being taller than his face for a change, she leaned down and pushed his head back to rest against the wall. He looked up at her with dark eyes full of want and surprise.

“We need to stop,” she panted in between taking control and assaulting his mouth instead. “Before someone sees.”

“Yes,” Kylo groaned out. “Couldn’t let that happen. It would just be a mess to explain why I can’t keep my hands off of you.”

“Do you talk this much around anyone else?” Rey said with a quiver before moving her lips to his jaw.

Turning his head away to give her space to nibble, Kylo’s hands dug hard into the back of Rey’s thighs. “No,” he groaned. “Just you.”

Pausing at the corner of his jaw she breathed out hot and hard. “ _Kriff,_ ” she hissed, feeling just how warm her skin had become. “We _really_ do need to stop.”

Feeling sweat roll down the side of his face Kylo silently nodded in agreement. Carefully he helped her back down on to her own two feet and stared at just how flush her face was. His eyes drifted down to her swollen red lips that she licked without realizing he was watching. In one swift motion he bent down low, his head dipping below the height of her chin, before lifting up and pressing one last kiss to Rey’s mouth. While she was distracted Kylo quickly palmed himself, adjusting his half hard cock to a more comfortable position.

Pushing him away, Rey was trying to fight the smile forcing itself onto her face. He looked pleased by his work but kept his distance now that she firmly put it there. “Tonight,” Rey said firmly. “After work, we train and burn off some of this excess energy.”

Opening his mouth to snap back a quip, Kylo changed his mind quickly and nodded his head a few times instead. “Sure,” he muttered. “We’ll need something to train with first.”

Looking away she seemed to pondered his request before looking back at him. “I can handle that, but only if we keep our hands to ourselves for the rest of the day. Deal?”

“I can if you will,” Kylo said mockingly.

Shaking her head with a soft laugh, Rey turned away from him and moved back to the open panel. Picking up the cover she slipped it back into the place then glanced over her shoulder. “Of course I can but we should still talk, at least about Hux coming here. Can you hand me the screwdriver please?”

Walking to the toolbox Kylo picked up the tool and handed it over. His gaze then drifted about, looking for where she placed the screws. “Hux knows my face,” he stated as he picked up each one. “When he does arrive I can’t let him see me.”

Plucking a screw from his outstretch and open palm, Rey pushed it into a hole and twisted it down with the screwdriver. “Does he really not know you’re here?”

“No he doesn’t” Kylo replied as she took another. “Not even Snoke knows. If I was to go and change, to meet with him, it’ll only raise too many questions. I’m sure he has people looking for me now, Hux is fond of tracking my whereabouts. I had a tracker in my belt but I took care of it. I knew where it was all along, I just never had a need to dispose of it before.”

Finished with the first panel Rey sat back on her legs and gnawed on her lip. “What happens if you two do run into one another, especially with you looking like Matt?”

Standing up from a squat Kylo started to pace back and forth. He brought one hand to his mouth and Rey curiously watched him bite, almost nervously, the end of one nail. It was strange to see him act out a nervous tick but when he caught her looking he pulled his hand away from his frown.

“I can’t let that happen,” he said with a shake of his head. “I don’t know if I could force Hux to forget if he saw. His mind, it’s disciplined in a way that’s always made it hard for me to ever try and influence him. It’s why I never bother much before in the past. He’s...slippery.”

“What if we did it together?” asked Rey as she slowly stood up.

Shaking his head Kylo’s frown only deepened. “No I don’t want either of us to go near him. I’ll deal with Hux in time, just not now. He’ll be mad for sure when I do return, I’ll have to sit through some long lecture which he’ll sneer and huff at me for hours.”

Agreeing with what he had said Rey then thought about his real return to the First Order, thought about when they would be apart. “When you do go back, will to act the same? Carry out the same sort of orders as before?”

“I,” Kylo said but his words suddenly failed him. Lowering his chin and eyes Rey could feel him think about living that life again, what it would mean to him.

“I would,” he said starting over. “But no, not the same. I still don’t think the Resistance is right, but neither is the First Order. I joined with them for many reasons, and there is merit in order, but after what happened to the Hosnian system. After our fight. I didn’t lie when I said I’d help you stop this station, I never backed Hux wanting to build such a weapon in the first place. There are many choices him and I have very different opinions on, it’s always been a source of tension between us.”

Being reminded of the lost system took the light from Rey’s eyes. She recalled reading after it exactly what had happened, how many lives and worlds were wiped away in one broken blast. An old anger burned within her, and not even her new emotions she felt for Kylo could stop it. It was unsurprising that he noticed, that he felt what she kept hidden inside her mind. The shock that ran through Kylo was cathartic for Rey and for a moment she took a sick sort of satisfaction that he looked ashamed. Her rage didn’t last, but it did simmer in the background like a light flickering she could ignore but not unsee.

Carefully she asked Kylo, “Why didn’t you try and stop it? Stop Hux from killing all those people? Or did you?”

A long silence remained between the two of them as she watched Kylo withdraw into himself. Even the bond became quiet and thin, causing Rey to worry, but she patiently awaited for him to speak. Only his eyes shifted about, lost in some deep thought she couldn’t hear. Slowly after some time Kylo opened his mouth, his gaze hesitantly lifting to hers. What his face lacked in emotion Rey could see it all in his eyes. See how truly torn he was with himself, with the world he existed in, and all that came before. Faintly Rey started to sense it, get just a taste of what burned at Kylo Ren.

Looking away his eyes didn’t stray far but Rey could tell Kylo knew, knew he wasn’t able to hide it all from her. A crack began to form in the space he couldn’t completely block up, the bond vibrating with displeasure at being forced almost closed. The matter was only made worse as Kylo tried to pull his emotions even further and deeper into himself but Rey’s mind was quickly dragged in unexpectedly.

Lighting bolts of memories crashed into one another, too quickly and too noisy for her to decipher. Suddenly Rey found herself lost, her mind desperate to find something to hold on to blindly grabbed out. The world around her surged forward and she was standing back in the snowy woods, lightsaber burning bright in her hand. Across from her Kylo stood wounded and maskless. Rage filled her heart and she ran forward in a charge that he met. Their two sabers crashed together, moving in wide sweeping arcs that also fell trees as they circled around one another. Somewhere in the distant blaster fire rang out and echoed through the woods.

Every step back and every swing Rey took Kylo was there pushing her towards an open crumbling ledge. Like before their sabers met, hissing and whining at the point of contact. As she leaned back Kylo pushed her down. Rey knew this wasn’t right. Knew she was better than this. Before Kylo could utter what he was suppose to say, Rey gather her strength and pushed him back with a yell.

“ _Stop!_ ” cried Rey. “ _It’s me!_ ”

His feet slid in the snow as Kylo took a few stumbling steps back. Breathing hard he stared at her, recognition slowly dawning on his face. Confusion took the place of anger as Rey felt him try and control his thoughts. When all the pieces had settle finally did the world turn again on it’s head. Back Rey slipped in his memories until she found herself staring up at a huge twisted thing cloaked in shadow. In front of the giant stood Kylo and General Hux, their backs presented to her.

“Supreme Leader, I take full responsibility,” Hux calmly began to say.

The giant shouted out the man’s title as it rose from it’s throne, but then noticed Rey standing on the walkway. An old withered face gazed down at her as a cold shiver shook Rey's body. The two other men turned, looking to what had caught their leader’s attention. Hux and Snoke remained silent still but Kylo took one slow step towards her.

“Rey?” he asked, sounding unsure she was really there.

Not looking away from Snoke her gaze sharpened into something focused and angry. “Is that _him?_ ” she hissed.

“Yes,” spoke Kylo’s voice through his mask’s modulator, it was flat and steady. “That is Snoke. He’s about to give Hux permission to ready the weapon. He’ll make a vague mention of you, the awakened, then... mention Han Solo for the first time in years. I know what he wants me to do, but still, I doubt myself.”

Finally moving her gaze away she looks at a calm Kylo Ren, but Rey can feel how unsteady he really is. Softly but firmly she speaks to him, “Yet you still did it, killed your father.”

“Yes,” Kylo answers. “It was a test, to prove the light no longer had any sway over me. I desperately wanted it gone, to be pure of its taint. I wished only to please the supreme leader, prove myself free of the dead boy and his family.”

The room darkened and slowly a new set of lights rose in brightness, bringing into sight Kylo standing on a long walkway. Rey stood across from him but in the middle, facing Kylo, was his father.

The two stared at one another and not like before Han Solo said, “Take off that mask, you don’t need it.”

All three of them stood deathly still, the only sounds echoing off the far walls was the wind and Kylo’s mechanical breathing. In the end he did move, carefully reaching up and slipping his mask from his face. Instead of a careful stern expression Rey found fear and sadness in his eyes, already on the edge of overflowing.

Holding the helmet in his hands his mouth trembled. “I shouldn’t have,” he whispered. “He tried… He tried to warn me, but I wouldn’t listen.”

“Kylo,” Rey called out. “You can stop. This is all in your head.”

Turning away from the already dead man Kylo’s eyes went wide as he looked at her. “That doesn’t mean it’s not _real!_ ” he snapped.

Moving on his own Han Solo took a few steps closer to Kylo, closing the distance between them. “Leave here with me,” his gravel voice rumbled. “Come home. We miss you.”

Reaching down to his side Kylo tore off his saber and threw it along with his mask into the enormous hole below. He screamed out, pain lacing his cry as he yelled into the air. His pain stirred Rey to move, her feet rushing to carry her past the watching Han Solo to Kylo’s side.

“ _Kylo_ ,” she called out, her voice high and pleading. “ _Stop this!_ ”

Turning around to face her his eyes were dark and wild. “Is this what you wanted to see?” he snarled. “See all the choices I’ve made? All my failures one after another? Is this what you love _Rey?_ If I show you everything would you still stay? Take the risk that someday I won’t pick myself over you? I killed Han Solo, I’ve killed my own father. What makes you so sure you’re safe? I need it gone, this thing, this light. Can’t you see what it’s doing to me, tearing apart my insides?”

Taking him by the face Rey pulled Kylo down to meet her eyes. “I said _stop_!” she snapped. “Please, stop hurting yourself.”

“ _I’m not_ ,” choked out Kylo. “Everything else is. I never asked for this, I only wanted to be free of the endless torment. Snoke, he said he could show me. Said I just had to do what was asked of me. I tried, can’t you see I tried?”

Fat tears rolled down his face and Rey wasted no time brushing them away. Hushing him softly she opened her arms, and like before, drew him into a hug. “Stop,” Rey spoke in a calm and soft tone. “Let this all go for now. Let it sink back down and stop overwhelming you.”

Placing a soft kiss to his temple she placed another after to his cheek. “I’m sorry I asked you. I wanted answers but not this way, not if it means hurting yourself.”

“But I deserve it,” he half sobbed.

“Even if you do,” Rey uttered. “I’m not going to let you dwell here any longer.”

Delicately her mind pressed against his, pushing back his storm of thoughts to a place he usually contained them to. Through the act, and what she had seen, Rey had grasped a better understanding of Kylo. It was hard not to feel some small pang of pity, to have your own thoughts rise up and attack you like that. What cracks that ran through him were deep and numerous, all shining for one moment. Taking it all in Rey could see how broken he was, that their meeting had made it so much worse. She suspected though even without them crossing paths that Kylo was heading to here all along. Even if he had received everything he sought he was still crumbling from the inside.

“I don’t want your pity,” he admitted.

Pulling herself from his mind and bringing him out of his own, Rey crossed to the side of the tunnel he was standing on and took him by the hand. Giving it a strong squeeze Rey silently urged him to meet her gaze.

“It’s impossible for me not to feel some,” she said gently. “What you do need is help, and that is what I intend to give. I don’t know how or what words to say to you right now to have you believe me, but trust in that I don’t give up. I don’t give up on my friends or my family.”

Tears filled Rey’s eyes and she blinked a few away, Kylo looked shell shocked. “You’re mine now and I’m not giving you up,” she stated firmly.

Pulling out of her grasp Kylo turned away and covered his face with a hand. “ _I’m sorry,_ ” he choked out. “Just, give me a moment.”

With lips trembling Rey sucked in the bottom and held it between her teeth. She watched as his shoulders shook but instead of pain, instead of loathing, she felt Kylo fight hope. Wanting to tell him not to Rey knew he had the right to fear it. Before her stood a man with a long history of failed hope that she desperately wanted to give one last chance to. Kylo’s other hand trembled as he reached up and pulled his glasses free of his face. Wiping what surely was tears away, he held the frames at his side and took a slow deep breath in.

“How am I supposed to know,” he started to say, his voice low and broken. “Know if this is right? I could still walk away, take off this stupid wig off and just leave.”

“You could,” confirmed Rey. “There is nothing keeping you here. You could go to that room, put on those robes and mask, and become Kylo Ren again. I’ll wait right here and you could take me to Snoke, show him how well you can serve him. You could push me down, make me bow before that dark thing, and I’ll do it all if that’s what you really want. Or maybe you’d prefer a cleaner way, just do away with me. I know I’m only making this struggle worse for you.”

Turning his head Rey could see the long profile of his face. “I don’t want to hurt _you,_ ” he said with horror and disgust.

Moving just a little closer she lightly pressed a hand to his side. “That’s one thing you know, tell me another.”

Looking down at her he swallowed hard, clearly fighting a lump in his throat. “I don’t want to give you to Snoke.”

“What do you really want?” asked Rey. “What have you been looking for this whole time?”

“A place I belong,” Kylo uttered honestly.

Tracing the lines of his face his her eyes, a slow building smile took over Rey’s face. “You already have that,” she whispered as he now looked confused. “It’s in my heart.”

Appearing like he had just been hit Kylo’s mouth open and closed uselessly for a moment. “ _Rey_ ,” he croaked.

Lifting up her chin she tried to shake her head and keep new tears from filling her eyes. “Sorry,” she laughed. “That was terrible, wasn’t it?”

Carefully turning to face her Kylo shook his head. “No, no it wasn’t.”

“Why do we keep ending up this way?” she groaned and then dabbed at her eyes. “I swear do _not_ cry this much.”

“You think _I_ do?” he said exasperated.

“Asking heavy questions while we working is my fault, no more,” she declared. “We make proper mundane idle talk like any other respectable worker from now on. Any deep probing is to be kept behind doors.”

Slipping his glasses back on Kylo cleared his throat and nodded in agreement. “Of course.”

“Sorry,” Rey uttered suddenly. “I wasn’t trying to make us both upset.”

“It’s fine,” he said matter of factly. “We both have a lot of questions for one another, but you’re right, no more while we’re working.”

Motioning with a hand for him to come closer Rey got Kylo to bend down before her. Slipping a hand under his jaw she pecked a light kiss to his lips. “I did mean what I said, but I did lie, about Snoke. I’m not going to let him have you again, not truly, and I’ll do whatever it takes to keep it so.”

“Don’t,” Kylo whispered. “Not whatever it takes. That’s how I’ve become this way Rey, you do what you believe is right.”

They kissed again, gently and longingly. “Alright,” she breathed against his lips. “I think the right thing is if you give me at least one minute with your mouth.”

“Gladly,” he chuckled.

 

* * *

  

After coming out of hyperspace Poe Dameron doubled checked his navigational charts to ensure he was in the correct location, just ahead was a field of asteroids that he carefully piloted his X-Wing through. One hour after another ticked on and the whole time Poe was on the edge of his seat. He knew one mistake could cost him his life but this is what made him one of the best pilots in the Resistance. Behind him BB-8 would beep out, giving brief commentary that was a comfortable background noise to Poe.

One set of beeps caught his attention as he made their way around one large rock. “Yeah,” he spoke through the coms to the droid. “I miss her too, but this is going to keep her safe. Keep all of our people safe.”

Coming out the other side of the field Poe saw in the distance a glowing nebula that he knew the new Star Killer was hidden behind. “Ok, this is close as we can get,” he announced as he powered down the ship as much was possible.

Reaching down to the side of his seat he pulled out a data pad and plugged a wire from it into his X-Wing. Poe started the transmission and patiently watched as a series of small files was sent out, each with it holding hope that they would make it to their destination. When the upload completed the pilot kept staring at the awaiting screen.

“Hey BB-8, want to send one last message?” he asked.

The droid questioned him and Poe smiled quickly. “To Rey, you’ve got to want to say something to her. Finn wanted me to send along his message too you know.”

A series of fast excited beeps filled his ear piece, drawing a quick laugh from the pilot. “Wooa, slow down, slow down!”

Tapping away on the screen Dameron chuckled and shook his head as he dictated the droid's message, he then added Finn’s much shorter message and lastly his own. After transmitting it Poe stared at the distantly glowing gas cloud.

“Be safe Rey,” he whispered.

 

* * *

 

Standing in the empty hanger Rey passed Kylo a long metal pole that was about the length of a lightsaber. Looking it over he held onto one end and gave it a quick twirl. “This will do,” he said with a curt nod of his head. “Now get undressed, that uniform is just going to get in the way.”

Shock ran through Rey briefly but she shrugged it away and began to do what he asked of her. Both of them set down what was to be their training weapons on the storage crates and then Rey pulled off her glasses. Piece by piece they peeled off their layers until each was down to just their undershirts and underwear. Kylo’s pile looked far more interesting with his blonde wig messily resting on top. She didn’t stare long at it, all too quickly distracted by how much larger Kylo looked in just a pair of black boxer briefs and white t shirt.

To keep from becoming too bothered Rey reached into her own pile and pulled a hair band from the pocket. Pulling her hair up high she tied it into a short ponytail and brushed her bangs away from her face the best she could. When she turned back around it was Kylo who was staring at her.

“What?” she asked shyly.

“You’re hair,” he muttered. “I like it pulled back. It suits you.”

Rolling her eyes she picked up her pole but gave him a small smile. “Are you sure it just doesn’t remind you of how I use to look?”

“That too,” he admitted as he retrieved his own pole.

Taking a deep breath in and out Rey let a sense of calm over wash her as felt herself ready. Kylo looked her over once more while keeping his pole hanging by his side. His eyes held a thoughtful look as he calmly started to speak.

“This is how we are going to do this,” he stated. “First I’m going to see just what you know, I have an idea but I need holes filled in. Forms come next, then we end with meditation in which we’ll figure out this bond. I’m going to push you hard, but if you need to stop, say it. You have any questions, voice them. I prefer to be upfront, none of that double speak Skywalker surely gave you. If you have a problem with any of this you will tell me.”

Lifting her chin up a little higher Rey clenched her hand around her pole. “That sounds rather fair.”

Taking a few steps forward Kylo aligned himself to stand before her. “You’ll find I’m not wholly unreasonable.”

A smirk twitched at her lips and excitement burned just under her skin. “Please tell me you’re not going to make me call you master or something like it.”

Kylo scoffed at Rey but she could see his body relax as he adjusted his grip on his pole. “No, even if I’m teaching you what I know, we’re equals in this.”

“Good,” smiled Rey. “What’s first?”

“First you defend.”

Licking her lips she lifted her pole and slid back one of her feet to behind the other. “I’m ready.”

Moving quick in long legged strides Kylo rushed at her, swinging wide and firm. With each strike Rey met his pole with her own, pushing and letting it slip away from hitting her body. After backing up several feet Kylo stopped and took a few steps back of his own.

“Good,” he said firmly. “Again.”

Over and over he advanced and she didn’t miss how he watched her carefully. His eyes would drift to her feet, stare at her hands and hips. Seemingly satisfied with what he noticed after several sets Kylo stopped his approach and returned to the start of where he would attack from.

“You attack now,” he said lifting up his pole into a defense stance.

A thrill ran through Rey as she rushed him, enjoying the chance to try and land a hit. Each blow he met with a calm and stern face, back stepping with ease until he blocked high and held her pole there.

“Good,” he said with a slight smile and bright eyes. “Again.”

They both fell into a steady rhythm, her trying to get an edge on him, and Kylo being just quick enough to stop Rey. Instead of rage and anger, emotions they had only dueled with before, there was a relaxed steady calm to their sparing. Stopping Rey Kylo was breathing a little harder but seemed far from winded, she was very much the same. Her limbs felt warm, ready, and willing for more.

“You have raw skill but I see no one has still yet refined it,” Kylo began to say. “That’s not a bad thing, it means you have less ingrained training I have to work around. Skywalker, he mostly trained you on how to use the Force, correct?”

“If you mean moving rocks and climbing endless sets of stairs, then yes,” sighed Rey as she put one end of her pole to the floor and leaned on it like a short staff.

Narrowing his eyes he asked, “Why didn’t you finish with him?”

“The Resistance asked for my help and Luke thought it would make good practice. One thing led to another, and when this mission came up, I jumped on it.”

“And now here you are,” he stated.

“And now here I am,” Rey repeated with a smile. “Did you ever finish?”

“No,” Kylo said bitterly and shook his head. “I was a difficult student, questioning everything, but enough about that. Skywalker doesn’t know everything, and what I’ve learned, I’ve taken and found from history. I can teach you but the knowledge isn’t perfect, I’ve had to work much out on my own, fill in and fix the blank spots.”

“Oh,” she breathed out.

“Not what you were expecting?”

Shaking her head Rey then asked, “I thought maybe Snoke might of trained you.”

A bitter laugh rolled out of Kylo, “He showed me things but he could never train me in fighting. His body is too twisted, he can barely get out of that seat of his at times. There isn’t anyone who can properly teach anyone, what Skywalker knows, its from the end of a dying age. What I’ve collected, it’s only been preserved by myself and the other Knights of Ren. I’ve spent years destroying everything else, letting history take it back.”

Surprise filled her and Rey’s mouth hung open for a long moment. “Why?” she asked. “Why would you do that?”

“Control,” he said simply. “To keep from any other fractions rising back to power. There are still groups in the galaxy who follow the Force, most unable to even feel it. You’re friend, FN-2817.”

“ _Finn_ ,” Rey quipped cutting him off. “His name is Finn.”

“Finn,” he repeated with some disdain. “The villagers he had been ordered to fire upon, the ones he refused to, were all part of the Church of the Force. A group dedicated to bringing back the Jedi which Snoke is against. The Supreme Leader wants to bring balance to the Force and will not allow the Jedi or the Sith to break it again.”

“What he’s doing, this isn’t balance. You see that, don’t you?” she pleaded.

“I do,” Kylo quietly spoke. “But I agree with him that the Jedi are not the way either. I’ve seen too much, read the history they don’t know or choose to ignore. I can not fault Skywalker for trying to start a new school, but that doesn’t mean he was right in doing so. I’m not right either, I followed Snoke, thinking his way was my true path but look where that’s taken me to. I’m more lost than ever, left wondering if anything he ever said was true. I was to be the one to restore the balance, I was to be the one to fix it once and for all. Finish a dead man’s task.”

“Who’s?” Rey questioned.

“Darth Vadar,” he said with pain in voice. “My grandfather. He was the one who would talk to me, who told me where to find Snoke in the first place. I should have known it was actually him, the one whispering in the dark and not Vadar. My mother, she knew, but kept her mouth shut. Too frightened of his ghost, of someone finding out we were of his blood. When I finally knew I left, tired of my family lying to me, so I killed their child and left them behind.”

There were still so many questions on Rey’s tongue but earlier in the day flashed into her mind. Not wanting a repeat of it, she nodded silently letting the matter go. “We’re getting off track,” she spoke up. “What do you want to show me first?”

Kylo stared at her a moment as Rey’s words sunk in, he seemed to shake himself of the spell he was under, blinking it away. “Right,” he muttered. “I’ll show you a few basic forms then how to transition from one to the other.”

“Good,” she said agreeably and then tapped him on the shin with her pole. “No more distractions, I want to learn.”

Letting out a low growl he used his own pole to knock hers away from him. “Stop that,” he muttered but then moved to demonstrate the first pose.

Showing her a total of five poses Kylo explained each one in detail that Rey absorbed readily. Enjoying utterly at how thorough he was, Kylo pointed out where every part of his body was to be placed and why. He even asked her to move in front of him a few times, having her strike at him slowly while he showed her the intent of the move.

“Keep your shoulders down and your arms relaxed,” explained Kylo. “You tense up here and you’ll miss the block, that’s how to lose your arm. Want to try now?”

“Yes,” Rey smiled happily.

Keeping a careful watch on her as she moved into the first pose, Kylo came to her side and tapped at her foot lightly with his pole. “Back more,” he corrected.

She adjusted her feet and he circled around her body as he spoke, “Sit more into it, yes like that. Bend your knees.”

They worked in this matter until he felt confident that Rey was able to complete each one correctly. After he had her run through them again Kylo slowly moved the next time with him acting out all the counters and blocks. When they reached the end of the first five again Rey was beaming as Kylo looked pleasantly pleased.

“Again,” he said firmly. “But faster this time.”

Stepping back into the start of the first pose Rey nodded her head. “Ready.”

Together they moved, her feet carrying her forward as Kylo stepped back, matching Rey’s pace easily. Their two poles clacked together in quick succession and at the end Kylo reiterated, “Again.”

Proceeding to the start once more, both wore determined looks as they settled into position. This time Rey moved faster, forcing Kylo to struggle for just a moment to match her speed. His shock dissolved into a thin smile, thrilling Rey that she was putting it there as yet again they began with Kylo ready for her new determination. Both became a blur, each moving to rush into the next move before it ended, Rey wasted no time hurrying back to begin again. Pushing herself even harder she moved without thinking and rushed through all five poses, but then ended this time with a sixth that felt natural to follow with. Swinging hard in a downward arc, Kylo moved on instinct alone to sweep his pole up to meet hers. They slammed together, a sharp metallic ring echoing in both of their ears, leaving the two stunned.

Looking up Kylo stared at the end of Rey’s pole which was just inches away from his face. A slow heavy drop of sweat rolled down into his eyes, blinding him for a moment. Pushing her gently away the two broke apart easily. Wiping away that stinging salt Kylo flicked it towards the floor and then shook out his arm which was still tingling from her strike.

“I’m sorry,” Rey said suddenly. “I should have stopped.”

Shaking his head he flashed her a reassuring look. “Don’t worry about that, it’s good for me to stay on my toes.”

Moving slowly he lazily began to twirl his pole around as he rested a hand on his hip. “Come at me again, but put what I’ve just show you to use. This time I’ll attack back, so focus on how to work each pose into another, and how to counter it.”

Rolling her shoulders Rey gave a curt nod and breathed out any tension gripping her. With a wave of his hand Kylo silently commanded her to attack, she swiftly did. Rushing at Kylo with the intention of striking with the first pose, Rey’s eyes watched for him to start to move to block it before she feint and twisted into the fourth. His face lit up in shock but quickly was schooled back into a steel look of pure focus as he moved to counter her.

Crying out Rey struck him in his side and drew out a sharp hiss from Kylo. Slashing out wildly he quickly brushed her and her pole away, then launched himself into a sweeping attack that came up from the ground. Taking a quick step back Rey twisted her wrists to swing into a block but his strike was too powerful. Her feet squeaked against the smooth floor as she was pushed further back. Sinking down, Rey sat into a lower stance to regain her composure for just one moment. Pushing off she leapt up, letting her mass move her to his eye level before she swung at his head. Twirling his pole up Kylo gripped it with both hands and blocked Rey's blow.

Back and forth they exchanged strike after strike, sometimes Rey getting the upper hand, other times it was Kylo. Each was skilled enough to keep the other’s strike from landing, but as their sparring continued, each took their fair share of hits eventually. Under her skin Rey could feel just where it would bruise but the pain she felt kept her moving. It became almost intoxicating at times, to just let go and focus on fighting Kylo. Other times she would notice him getting frustrated but Rey would also equally see a pleased glint to his eye when she mixed several of the poses into a series of strikes. With so much going on between them Rey hardly noticed in the back of her mind at how brightly their bond was humming.

Twirling her pole around she used the momentum, along with the twist of her hips, to spin herself around into a strike at his head again. Instead of being ready to block her she found Kylo swinging at her with the same exact move. They both stopped, each a mirror of the other holding their training weapons just to the side of the other’s head. Together they breathed in sync and it was then Rey noticed the feeling from earlier in the day was back. Eerily they withdrew at the same time and shared an equally similar look of shock. Shaking her head Rey dislodged herself from the strange sensation. Kylo appeared to be processing the matter as well as he looked down and away, his hand at his mouth as he gnawed on a fingernail.

“I think that’s enough weapons practice for today,” he declared.

Wiping the heavy layer of sweat from her face Rey let out a loud and heavy huff. “Agreed,” she groaned.

Feeling just how hard she had worked out, her arms throbbed with a well earned but satisfying ache. Walking back towards the crates she placed down her pole on top and sat down on the floor with her back to it. Kylo watched her from where he stood but eventually moved to join her. They sat next to one another in a comfortable silence, Rey with her legs out before her, and Kylo with his knee’s pulled up, his arms resting across the top. Looking out of the corner of her eye she observed him staring out across the hanger. His black hair was wet with sweat and stuck to his face. Leaning over to him she carefully plucked a lock and swept it back. Kylo turned his head slightly, looking down at Rey with a questioning stare.

“Thank you,” she said quietly while still hovering in close, her fingers lightly tucking in more of his hair behind his ear.

“For what?” he grumbled, still looking unsure what she was doing but didn’t seem to mind it either.

Noticing how large his ears actually were, a flash of a smile came and went from Rey’s lips. “For helping me,” she stated. “Its appreciated.”

“Don’t make me sound so noble,” he uttered. “This is mutually beneficial, but you did good. I’m looking forward to doing this more.”

Pleased by the small praise, Rey moved and repositioned herself so she sat hip to hip with him. Wrapping an arm around his she leaned her warm cheek against his bicep and let her eyes partly close, just enjoying the stillness. Not long after Kylo move under her fingers, leaning towards her until his chin lightly rested against the top of her head. Listening to him breathe Rey’s fingers slowly glided over his skin, taking note of all the small brown moles and thin scars from what she guessed at were earned in previous fights. The start of the long scar she gave him was there too, resting just under her cheek, but extending out just enough for her to touch. It looked different from the rest, messily healed and discolored. Questions danced on her tongue but she dismissed them for one less complicated.

“What’s the best food you’ve ever eaten?” Rey asked lightly as she stroked his elbow.

“The best?” Kylo repeated with uncertainty.

“The very best,” she asked with a smile.

Turning his head a little more toward her, he pressed his nose to her hair and mumbled into it. “I don’t know.”

Letting out a sigh Rey nudged his arm with her hand. “Come on, tell me. There has to be something you enjoyed once.”

Thinking on the matter for a while Rey waited patiently for him to answer. “Fine,” he huffed abruptly. “This stew I had once.”

“A stew?”

Nodding lightly against her, Kylo then reached over and took one of her hands between his. Spreading her hand open he seemed to look over her fingers and at the lines etched into her palm.

“It was a long time ago, and I rather not get into the how and why, but it was the best I’ve had,” he continued in a soft and careful tone. “I think it must have been cooked for a long time because the meat just fell apart in my mouth. The broth was incredible, this dark rich liquid that I couldn’t get enough of. There were also these root vegetables, sweet and tender. I ate one bowl and then ordered another, but it was so heavy by the end of the second I felt sick. Must have been too rich but I couldn’t care at the time.”

Shutting her eyes completely Rey tried to imagine what that was like, and with the memory fresh in Kylo’s mind, she swore she could taste just a hint of it on her tongue. “I would kill to eat something like that,” confessed Rey.

Placing a kiss to the crown of her head he spoke against her skin. “You will. I’ll make sure of it.”

Letting her eyes drift back open Rey looked at their hands, his still slowly examining hers. Moving to slip her fingers between Kylo's he gripped back firmly. “Do you promise?” she whispered.

“I promise.”

After they both had agreed to skip the need for mediation, too tired from a full’s day work and hours worth of training, they made their way back to their room. Since being transferred to the new section they no longer needed to worry about being spotted out so late. The hallways, even at such an hour, was full of people coming and going. Even a few units of Stormtroopers passed them by, marching off to possibly run some drills. As soon as they were safely behind a closed door did Kylo quickly snatch off his wig and tossed it with his glasses onto the bed.

“I’m getting cleaned up,” he spoke up as his orange vest was tossed into his locker next.

Taking off her own glasses, Rey folded them and then picked up his to do the same. Placing both on the nightstand she then looked over to Kylo who was tugging off his boots. “I’ll join you,” she said unclipping her own vest.

Looking up he saw Rey reaching for his wig but he shook his head. “I’ll clean that up after, you don’t have to.”

“I don’t mind,” she muttered back.

“I do,” he quipped as he unzipped his uniform. Pausing halfway stepping out of it, his mind caught up with what he had said. “I appreciate it but, I rather I clean up my own mess. It's just.”

“It’s fine,” Rey said following after where his words had drifted off. “I understand.”

When they both entered the refresher it was nothing like in the morning. All the aches and bruises were making themselves clearly aware, urging them to be quick in their cleaning. When Kylo turned to hand her the soap Rey spotted a deep fresh bruise where she had hit him first. Letting out a sharp hiss Kylo quickly looked at Rey.

“ _What?_ ” he asked while looking worried she had been the one hurt.

Pointing to his side Rey then reached out and lifted up his arm. “I’m _so_ sorry,” she said with a sympathetic wince.

Looking down at his ribs Kylo gave a dismissive shake of his head. “Don’t worry about it. It barely hurts.”

Touching just the edge he let out a fast hiss and then glared at Rey. “ _Ok,_ it hurts when you do _that_.”

“Sorry,” she said again with a weak smile.

Putting his arm back down Kylo sighed and then bent over her. Rey looked up in time to see him tilt his head and hover in close. He didn’t kiss her like she thought he was about to, instead he looked to her arm and touched the scar there. Running his fingers along the length she watched his eyes as he observed the damage he had caused her. Not lingering for long on it, he looked back to her and stared silently. Even with the bond between them Rey wondered exactly what he was thinking about her. She could only feel faintly just the edges of his emotions, leaving her to wonder if he was becoming better at keeping them hidden.

“I’m not,” he said in a low quiet voice, hearing exactly what she was thinking. “You just have this effect on me.”

“What effect?” Rey questioned.

Swallowing down his nerves first, Kylo traced her face with his eyes, looking at her like she was someone special. “For me, you make things more quiet.”

Barely having time to utter a soft ‘oh’, Rey’s mouth was covered finally with his own. The kiss was soft, tender, and slow. She savored the taste of him, raw and warm on her tongue. If he was a food she was so sure he would be her favorite. Placing her hands on either side of his face Rey held them together as their tongues met and rolled with a unrushed need for more. It was easy for her to get lost in his touch since it did such a good job of silence everything else. Even the sound of the water became dull in Rey’s ears as listened for the little groans that would bubble up from the back of Kylo’s throat.

Desperate to stay in the moment, Rey let her heart fill with a pure unending love. A love she could burn hot enough so it would remain when days weren’t bright like this one was. Even if she was no longer Rey of Jakku, the scavenger girl picking at the bones of dead ships, she knew well enough good times were far and few between. It would be foolish to ever forget that, and equally so to not enjoy this simple thing to its fullest. A single tear slipped down her face as she felt herself just overflow with joy. Her mind raced trying to record every last bit of him, at how gently he touched her, at how sweet his skin felt pressed against hers. Tensing up under her hands Kylo’s slowed and Rey knew he had heard all of her thoughts. Fear took the place of happiness as she worried she had ruined the moment, ending it far too soon.

Separating their lips Kylo stroked her cheek with his thumb. “You haven’t,” his voice said trembling. “They’ll be more, I promise they’ll be more.”

With eyes wet and full of fear Rey hoped as she stared into his own wide gaze. His eyes hardened into a look of fierce determination and Kylo leaned forward, brushed back her bangs, and pressed a firm kiss to her forehead.

“I love you, you know that right?” he spoke against her skin in a pleading tone.

Trying her best to keep from crying, Rey weakly nodded. Shaking his head Kylo took her face into his hands, forcing her to look him in the eye. “I do,” he said resolutely, his voice heavy with emotion.

“I’d do anything for you Rey, _anything._ I’ve spent my life being so kriffing unsure of things, of what I was doing, of what I was even hearing, but this, I know it. I know it all the way down to my bones, my blood,” Kylo declared passionately.

Taking one of her hands by the wrist he pulled it to his chest and held it above his heart. “Feel that,” he demanded as his heart raced. “While that’s still beating I promise you they’ll be good days. That you’ll eat the best food you’ll ever have had. I don’t know what’s to come but I will make those things happen for you. I’ve never loved someone before Rey, and now that I do, I’m not going to let you think that way. Just tell me you believe me and it’ll happen, I swear to you it’ll happen.”

Shaking in his touch with tears rolling freely down her face Rey lightly gave a small nod. “I believe you,” she said weakly between her trembling lips.

Pulling her to his chest Kylo stood up and let her head tuck itself under his chin. He then wrapped his arms around, holding her tightly as she pressed her face to his skin. Her fingers curled, dragging her nails lightly along his chest as he kissed the top of her head.

“Rey,” Kylo spoke against her wet hair. “I know that feeling, what hope can do to a person. We both know actions speak louder than any words, so just let mine speak for me. I will show you, I won't let any faith you have in me be in vain.”

“I love you too,” she choked out and tried to lift her head up to look at him.

Leaning back enough to allow her to do so, Kylo carefully pulled back her messy bangs and tucked them back like she had done to him. “I know,” he whispered before bending and giving her a long and tender kiss.

Somehow the two finished what was supposed to be quick washing and dressed for bed. As Rey shut her locker door after putting her dirty laundry in it, she stood still before it. Her mind went over his words and she couldn’t stop from comparing it to others she’s heard like it before. Just as the image of herself as a little girl crying up at the sky started to replay in her mind was when Kylo snuck up behind her. Literally sweeping her off her feet, her eyes turned to him wide and frighten. There on Kylo’s face was a warm smile waiting for her as he curled his arms, holding her firm and close.

On instinct she had wrapped her arms around his neck and he looked pleased by the effect of his unexpected action. Silently Kylo carried Rey to the bed they shared and laid her down with the utmost care. Watching from the bed as he turned off the lights, Rey then felt him get into the other side of the bed. Outside the window she could faintly hear the wind gust as he pulled the blanket up and over them. Turning onto her side to face Kylo, he slipped and wrapped his arms around her body. All the thoughts that had been tearing into Rey calmed, faded until she only felt the quiet between them.

“I’m scared,” she said hushed even if there was no need to.

“Of what?” calmly asked Kylo.

“Of all of this,” Rey muttered.

Pulling her in a little closer the two lovers snuggled into one another as their lips felt looser in the dark. “I am too,” admitted Kylo. “How do I know you won’t wake in the morning and realize exactly who you are with and run?”

“I won’t,” whispered Rey. “How do I know you won’t change your mind and kill me? How do I know you won’t go back to the First Order for real?”

“Because like you I know what it feels like to be abandoned. I won’t abandon you.”

The soft details of Kylo’s face slowly started to appear in the dim and Rey calmly looked at them as he stared back. “It’s not the same,” she said firmly. “Luke is your uncle, you were left with family. Mine left me with Unkar Plutt, a thing that left me alone and kept me starving for most of my life. You were handed off, I was abandoned.”

“So what am I supposed to say to convince you?” Kylo said frustrated.

Shutting her eyes she breathed in and could smell soap and hints of skin. “You don’t have to say anything,” exhaled Rey. “You said let your actions speak, so just be here when I wake in the morning and I’ll do the same.”

Letting one of his hands drift down her back Kylo felt Rey lean into his touch. “Can I do the same tomorrow?”

Making an agreeing hum Rey rubbed her cheek against her pillow as Kylo’s fingers ghosted along her. “And the next day?” he said gently.

“Yes,” she moaned softly.

“I guess that settles matters,” chuckled Kylo as he pressed and rubbed her sore back.

His hands worked on her for a while, drawing little gasps and needy groans from Rey as one by one he worked out her knots. By the time he was finished she felt boneless in his arms.

“I guess it does,” Rey finally responded and then leaned up to press a grateful kiss to his lips. “Thank you,” she muttered against them. “For everything.”

“Would you believe me if I said it was my pleasure?”

Hovering just over his mouth Rey smiled. “I believe you.”

 

* * *

  

Dreams were always strange things for Rey, even before all the new and confusing ones that haunted her nights that the presence of Kylo seemed to draw out. Finding herself sitting in a dark club her eyes scanned the room, watching bodies of all shapes and sizes drink and chat. Taking in where she was completely, Rey found herself sitting in a booth with Kylo seated next to her. He looked just as confused as she felt, and when he opened his mouth to ask some question was when a little girl approached the small table.

Instantly recognizing her as their possible daughter the little girl placed her hands on the table’s edge and then rested her chin on it. “I like this place,” she said with a smile that had a tooth missing in it.

“Where are we?” Rey questioned her. “Are you really here?”

Laughing she nodded. “Of course I am.”

“Prove it, what’s your name?”

Shaking her head and swaying her hair about, she then reached out and grabbed at a jar holding a small candle. Meeting her hand first, Rey slid it just out of her reach as Kylo watched on silently.

“Sweetheart,” Rey tried again. “What’s your name?”

Peering up with wide eyes she looked curiously at Rey. “You don’t know it?”

Shaking her head Rey felt Kylo slip a hand under the table and squeeze her arm. Turning to look at him he motioned with his chin across the club. “Look,” he said low enough for only her to hear. “It’s the same woman.”

Looking through crowd she found her, the older woman who they had seen in before after they had fell into a bedroom in their shared vision. She must have felt their gazes because she held up a drink and smiled their way.

“Lyra,” the girl suddenly said. “My name’s Lyra mommy.”

Both Kylo and Rey stared down at her, shock running between and the through their bond. As she opened her mouth to ask Lyra more is when the woman approached their booth as well. Turning to look at her too, Lyra’s eyes lit up as she jumped and grabbed at her hand. The woman took it carefully and held onto the bouncing child.

“You know you shouldn’t be here,” she reprimand Lyra softly.

Leaning back and hanging from the woman’s grip Lyra rolled her eyes. “But I _wanted_ to see them,” she whined. “They don’t even know my name, but I told them.”

The woman’s eyes lit up as she looked crossed. “You didn’t, wait, of course you did.”

Flashing the woman a bright smile Lyra let out a mirthful laugh.

“Who are you?” Kylo spoke suddenly, his tone firm and serious.

Looking away from Lyra the woman looked shocked, but it seemed more like a reaction to Rey that of a child being scolded. The shock seemed to fade quickly and a sly smile spread on the woman’s lips, reminding Rey of someone else’s she knew well now. Turning to look at Kylo, Rey looked back and forth between the two, matching up parts of the woman’s face to his.

“You’re Lyra, aren’t you,” Rey said unsure if she was right or not.

Meeting her gaze the woman smiled. “Hi mom.”

Pointing between the two Kylo’s face turned more severe. “How can that be?” he snapped. “You can’t both be the same person.”

The older Lyra sighed and looked down to her younger self tugging hard at her hand. “It’s complicated,” she stated before bending down to scoop the younger her into her arms.

Young Lyra pressed her face into her older versions neck and muttered into it. “Daddy’s angry.”

Rubbing her back the older Lyra hushed her. “It’s ok, he’s just a little confused right now. This is why I told you not to come back here, they don’t know you yet little bird.”

Looking between the two something twisted in Rey painfully. She turned to Kylo and squeezed his arm. “Stop,” she said firmly.

Meeting Rey’s eyes she could see and feel his frustration, but he listened to her, pushing it down into a low simmer. Looking back at the two girl’s Rey gave them a soft smile. “Could you explain? I would love to know.”

The older Lyra shook her head, “I’m sorry, but I can’t. I’ve done enough already and I will keep a better eye on this one. She’s very slippery at this age.”

“Am I going to meet you someday?” Rey asked suddenly hopeful and equally fearful.

Opening her mouth to answer, the older Lyra seemed at a loss for words. She instead looked between the two of them with a loving gaze that turned into a slow smile. “That’s up to you two now isn’t it?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks as always for reading and I enjoy every single one of the comments people leave.


	31. Please Just Hold Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The following chapters does contain a spoiler from The Last Jedi, please don't read if you wish for the film to remain spoiler free.
> 
> Sorry for the long long delay with with chapter, the new film has restored my inspiration for this story.

With Lyra’s name on her lips, Rey awoke. Gazing upwards the darkness held just enough ambient light for her to make out a small vent above. The quiet hum of the circulated air numbed her mind as it was rendered a mess by any lingering memories of the dream. Next to her Kylo was awakening slowly, his body stirred and an arm lazily crawled its way over to cover her hip. Turning to look at his just opening eyes, Rey saw them fight to focus upon her.

His lips parted and after a bloated pause Kylo spoke quietly. “I… remember.”

“You do?” whispered Rey as a jolt of surprise hit her.

His confession fully removed any lingering, sending Rey’s mind reeling to grasp at what that could mean. Gradually a rage started to build with in Kylo, at first she felt it and then saw it darken his eyes. His anger wasn’t directed towards her but Rey’s skin was lit all the same by it’s fire. Reaching out to touch him, her fingers held Kylo’s cheek and felt just how tense he’d become.

“What’s wrong?” she asked now afraid.

The images of the dream played back in his mind and Rey could see them clearly. Within Kylo Rey felt him react, pain stabbing so deeply that she wondered if she too would bleed from it.

“I haven’t remembered dreaming in years,” he gritted out between tightly clenched teeth. “To have that nightmare be the first, it’s cruel.”

“Kylo,” Rey breathed out while desperately trying to grasp at what had angered him. Even with her having access to his mind she couldn’t see enough threads to view the same conclusion he was now set to dwell upon.

“I don’t understand,” she said frankly. “How was _that_ a nightmare?”

It wasn’t until Kylo actually stared directly at her that Rey noticed he had been looking past her the entire time. The anger was clear enough in his gaze but the longer she looked the more frightened Kylo appeared to be.

“To dangle what will never be in front of us, how is that _not_ cruel?” he snapped.

His voice was strained and Rey felt her own throat tightening up in response. “But Lyra said that was up to us.”

A sick sad bark of a laugh came from him, aging his eyes into something beyond his years. “We’ve talked about this already, you don’t seriously believe _I_ deserve to have a chance at a family after what _I’ve_ done? I could never be that child’s father, the choice was never mine to make.”

“How can you say that?” she pleaded.

Placing his hand on top of hers, Kylo turned his face into her palm and breathed her scent. For a moment Rey felt the storm break, an eye of a cyclone that was Kylo and his emotions hovering around her.

“I say it because it’s true,” he whispered as his lips brushed against her skin. “I told you I can’t give you that. It’s why I call it a nightmare.”

Letting her fingers slowly rub his skin, Kylo’s eyes met her own. “Do you want children?”  she asked carefully.

“It doesn’t matter what I want,” replied Kylo flatly as his eyes slowly emptied into a dark void.

“Do you want children?” repeated Rey more firmly. “Do you want a family?”

Pushing her hand away, Kylo rolled onto his back and draped an arm over his eyes. “I told you it doesn’t matter what I want so _stop asking!_ ”

Unable to let the topic go, Rey slid herself on top of Kylo stomach, pinning him down with her hips as she yanked his arm away. He glared fiercely up at her and she returned it with her own bold look of defiance. The purity of it didn’t last, too soon dulled into sympathy for him as her grip eased.

“It matters to me,” Rey declared with a frown. “I don’t care if it can happens or not, I’m asking if things were different is that something you would want?”

Looking her over first slowly, Kylo seemed to measure Rey but didn’t give any sign he wanted her to move. “I don’t see the point in answering you, and why are you so hung up about this? You think me saying yes would change anything?”

“Is that your answer?” she demanded of him.

Growling a bit, Kylo then did weakly try to push her off but Rey shifted her hips keeping him firmly pinned beneath. “Stop being so stubborn,” he grumbled.

Leaning over she put both of her hands on either side of his face. “I’ll tell you why I want to know only if you’ll answer me afterwards.”

Her deal only seemed to irk him but Kylo took the time to think on the matter before giving a weak nod that he would. Pleased that he would cooperate, Rey leaned back and loomed from above. “I have people now I think of as my family, but I have never seen another person in my life who has the same blood as me,” she began to explain.

“I know you and your own family are, and I hate to use this term, at odds with one another but you know them. Knew them! _I haven’t_ ! So when a girl shows up, _a woman_ , saying they are mine, how else do you expect _me_ to act?” Taking a deep breath in Rey tried to remain calm as her words flowed.

“I’ve never had a family, and even if I’ll never get one, why can’t I at least dream of one?”

Tears welled up in her eyes but she was quick to wiped them away. Kylo watched silently but Rey could see how he was fighting to remain calm. Licking her dry lips she continued on in a weak voice. “I just want to know if things were possible, that you would want to enjoy a dream like that too.”

Running a hand over his face Kylo kept it covered as he let out a long weary sigh. He then pulled the limb away from her, looking tired and defeated. “Of course you can,” he said surprisingly gentle. “But that doesn’t mean I share the same idea as you. I could never picture myself like that Rey, it’s horrible enough to know there is a me somewhere who has been able to make something so… _so beautiful_.”

“But,” she tried to protest but Kylo silenced her with a finger to her lips.

“Rey,” he uttered. “If I was anyone else, if I wasn’t this person before you, of course I would. But the fact of the matter is I can’t. As much as I love you, as much as I still feel the light calling to me, there is darkness too. A terrible one. I only have it in me enough to hold it back for you, just you. Whoever is that girl’s real father is it's not me. That’s why I call it a nightmare Rey, because it can’t be me.”

“I’m sorry,” she cried out as a few tears slipped down her face.

Kylo was quick to wipe them away and pull her down to lie on his chest. Wrapping his arms around, he carded his fingers through her hair. “Thank you,” he muttered against Rey’s forehead.

Slipping an arm out she wrapped it as far as she could around him. “For what?” quietly she questioned.

“For caring.”

Lifting up her head up, Rey peered down at Kylo with wide glossy eyes. He seemed taken back by her sudden movement, just gazed at her with his mouth partly open. Looking down at his full lips Rey leaned in, kissing Kylo firmly.

“I care,” she muttered.

His hands slid up her back, gently taking Rey by her hair as Kylo returned the kiss. Pulling lightly on the strands he dragged a gasp from her before leaning up and tasted deeply of her mouth.

In between quick breaths of air Rey uttered again, “I care.”

Taking ahold of him by the jaw Rey leaned back just enough to speak. “Can we please try?” she begged. “Even if nothing comes of it, can we try? Try and change as much as we can? I want a chance, just a chance. It’s all I need. Please, I won’t ask anything else of you but a chance.”

Taking her by the shoulders Kylo stared up at Rey with wild unbelieving eyes. “ _Don’t_ ask me that,” quivered out his voice. “I don’t think I could survive that sort of hope.”

“Isn’t that why you're here?” Rey questioned him. “For a chance to figure out what to do differently?”

“I didn’t come here for that,” he started to protest but she quickly cut him off.

“I know that but a chance is a chance,” huffed Rey. “It may not turn out the way either of us think or had wanted but why can’t we take Lyra as a sign? You don’t have to let it be something to haunt and torment you. Even if she never comes true we can together go down very different paths from the ones we’ve been on. I just want you to give yourself permission to want if things change enough for both of us for them to happen. I saw it in you, not in your mind but in your eyes when you looked at her.”

Shaking his head Kylo frown deeply. “Saw what?”

A slow building smile took over her lips, sweetening them into a tender expression. “I saw you could love more than just me, and for us not to try and push for that chance to happen is being truly cruel.”

Not looking pleased by her words Kylo just stared at Rey with a tried flat expression. “Rey,” he sighed. “Would you really ever be happy if it was just me and you? This conversation is getting far ahead of the matters we shouldn’t even be thinking about and it’s making me feel you’d be happier with someone else.”

A deep pain griped Rey’s heart and she watched Kylo flinch from it, the wound he’s inflicted with just his words cutting him as well. Opening his mouth to protest, Kylo’s voice dies immediately because he knows she is right. Looking down at her hands upon him, Rey’s fingers curl against his skin as she thinks about what he’s just asked.

“So we should just accept this broken life given to us then?” said Rey bitterly. “Is that what you are telling me?”

Letting out a sigh first, Kylo reached up and took hold of Rey gently by her arms. “That’s not what I’m saying, I’m stating how things are. Just being with me Rey makes your world that much more complicated, and to add on top of it the hope for having a family doesn’t always lead to happiness. Sometimes it causes nothing but pain.”

“I know that!” she snaps as her own rage burns away any sadness. “I know that _very_ well! You think waiting for people to appear year after year was easy? Letting myself starve and lay for days unable to move because of a lack of any water? Knowing I couldn’t leave that _kriffing_ world ever just incase they came back for me. Your father, he’d asked me you know, offered me a job on his ship and I told him _no_. That I had to go back. So don’t you tell me about the pain family can cause, mine wasn’t ever around and look how I’ve suffered!”

“He did what?” whispered Kylo unbelieving.

Sitting back Rey puffed up her chest with pride and anger. “I had so many chances to leave Jakku, go somewhere else, but I made my choice. This is my choice now, to take a chance at something better with you.”

Looking away Kylo swallowed some of his own bitterness. “Are you trying to push me into something I don’t want?” he gritted out through a clenched jaw.

Shaking her head Rey touched his face and directed Kylo to look at her. “No,” she said softly. “I want you to know you have the same chance as me. We can do better, better than both of us have had. Isn’t that something worth working towards?”

Running a hand over Rey’s thigh, Kylo brushed his thumb along its length while he spoke. “Are we being truly honest with each other right now?”

“Yes, of course” agreed Rey. “What is it?”

“I can’t trust in that,” he said in a low quiet tone. “There’s too much in the way. I still have to report and deal with the First Order. I’m sure for all the crimes I’ve committed and been involved with one way or another, people will always be wanting my head. You’re now tied to the Resistance, and even if you walk away, they will find you. They will always come calling once you are deemed useful to them. I can’t see past that because I don’t know what to do about the situation now. To dream of that house, of Lyra, it feels impossible for me.”

Slipping her fingers between his on her leg, Rey takes Kylo by the hand. “But we did dream of her.”

Shutting his eyes he leans his head back and feels his chest grow tighter and tighter. “We did,” he whispers so low that Rey barely hears him. “I’ll give you up if I need to, if you want to be happy, but I don’t want to be without you Rey.”

Leaning over him she brings their joined hands next to his head. Brushing her lips over his they stare at one another for a long silent moment.

“It can’t happen unless we change things for better, but I want you there with me at the end,” confesses Rey. “You make me happy and I don’t want anyone else. I feel like I’ll do anything if maybe I can see you holding her, see you two smile. I want to bring so much more love into your life than just me.”

As Kylo’s eyes open wide Rey can feel hope and fear steal the air from his lungs. Not waiting for him to say anything else, she leans in and kisses him again. Behind it is all of her strength, passion, and sheer will power that’s gotten her through everyday of her hard life. He whimpers into her mouth and she swallows it down, replaces his fear with her radiating warmth. Slipping her hands into his hair, Rey tugs on it gently and leaves him gasping out into the open air. Shifting down she then assaults his neck next, gripping his hips tightly with her legs as Kylo’s hand slap against it, trying to still her body as he shakes underneath.

“Wait,” he begs.

Looking up at Kylo Rey pins with a hot stare. He swallows audibly and she drinks in how scared he looks at the veracity of her feelings. “I can’t,” he chokes out. “You need to understand I _can’t_.”

The rawness of Kylo’s words moves Rey to lean away but he stops her, keeps her close so she can clearly hear his trembling voice. “I wish I knew you sooner, so I didn’t end up this way, but I am who I am Rey. I can’t change that. I can’t forget where I came from as much I try to. How do we really know this isn’t some trick? That’s it’s all been in our heads? I can’t just trust that.”

Absorbing his warranted fears, Rey slowly puts a hand over his heart and looks down as she feels it beating under her fingers. “This is all in our heads too,” she whispers. “These feelings, this connection, I know it’s real. Just like I know Lyra is who she says she is. I can feel it in a place deeper than my bones. Can’t you feel it too? That gut feeling that wants to steal your very breath away?”

“Yes,” he mutters. “I felt it.”

Lifting her head to look at Kylo again, they both feel each other’s fear thick and heavy. “If it’s just me and you, I’m fine with that,” admits Rey. “But I can’t help feeling she’s there just ahead, waiting for us to catch up.”

“That’s what scares me.”

In the back of her mind she hears old whispers and Kylo looks away as Rey feels him trying to pull back what has slipped free. Silently placing her hands to his face, Rey touches his temples, drawing his gaze back to her. More breaks free, images of a younger frightened him with a voice telling him dark twisted things. Bending down she kisses his forehead and breathes out across his skin warmly.

“I won't let that happen,” she whispers against Kylo.

“Stop,” he begs with a broken cry. “You can’t promise that. If she’s couldn’t stop it, how could you?”

Moving her hands to his jaw, Rey places another kiss to his cheek. She knows and feels who he’s speaking of, can hear him think such thoughts about how strong his mother is. Memories arise, a younger brighter Leia looking down at him with warm smiles and fear in the corners of her eyes. He can feel her fear, that it’s always there and about him. His father has it too, more so when he gets older and tries to talk to him about what keeps him up at night. Luke isn’t free of this either, his uncle has a calm warmth to him but the look of worry is still there. A look that sharpens one night into a wild stare that shakes him to his very core for one beat of his heart. Everything in the next moment shatters for Ben Solo and Rey feels his frightened cry crash into her.

“ _NO!_ ” she yells as she tries to pull back from Kylo. “He _wouldn’t_ do that!”

His hands are quick to catch her, and now that his old pain has been brought to the forefront he can’t help but dwell in it.

“He did,” barks Kylo. “He did Rey. Now do you understand? Is that what is going to take for you to understand? Why I can’t. My own Uncle, a man who I trusted, came to me in the middle of the night to snuff me out Rey. I know what I am but what you are asking is also to take a chance we could bring something more terrifying into this galaxy.”

“A little girl isn’t something to be frighten of!” Rey fired back but Kylo rose to sit up and meet her words.

“I could have said the very same thing about me,” he sneered. “I was just a child once too Rey, but that didn’t stop the people who were supposed to care about me the most from being scared of me.”

Instinctively knowing better than to back down Rey kept her unblinking gaze pointed to his. “You’ve proved them right in the end, didn’t you?”

Pointing a finger at her face Kylo narrowed his eyes in warning. “Do you really want to start this fight because I will finish it,” he declared.

Throwing her hands up into the air Rey gestured at all of him. “I’m not trying to start any fight damn it, just like I don’t have all the answers, but I don’t think it’s kriffing right to do the same damn mistakes over again that’s happened to either of us!”

“That’s the kriffing point I’m trying to make to you too Rey!” he shouted and took of her by her arms that he then pulled down to her sides. “That having Lyra would be a mistake!”

The room fell quiet except the sound of the two of them breathing heavily. Tears filled Rey’s eyes and spilled down from the center of each. “Please let me go,” she asked calmly .

“Rey,” Kylo utterly while being torn between his heart and mind.

“Kylo,” she choked out as Rey bit back a sob. “I said please, now… Don’t make me ask again.”

Slowly his fingers withdrew and he watched as she carefully got off the bed. In the dim night that still hung in the room Rey passed through it and entered into the refresher. Closing the door quietly behind her, Kylo clenched his fists around the blankets and felt the burning urge to rip them in two. Inside the other room he could feel her break down, and despite feeling he was right, Kylo was still the source of her pain. A tremor crept down his arm, growing in strength until it reached his hands and became a vicious thing. His emotions felt like a black hole, falling onto themselves, compressing down until he was being pulled completely in by their gravity. Further and further he fell, Kylo’s mind ripping himself apart worse than anyone else could have ever done.

Snoke’s words ate at him, his mother’s carefully hidden gazes reminded him, and his father’s unsaid fears all served to emphasize why he was this broken. They should be all the reasons why he should just give this all up, leave Rey and this foolish pursuit of a life with her. His Uncle had the right idea, that his fear was true. Part of Kylo longed for that reality, the one where Luke had finished what he wanted to do that night at the temple to him.

“I SAID STOP THIS!” screamed Rey suddenly and it was only then that Kylo snapped out of his dark thoughts.

The walls and thick durasteel stop shaking as violently as his hands were, Rey stared wildly at Kylo from the refresher doorway. “What were you doing?!” she gasped in horror. “Do you want the _whole_ base to find out about you? About _us_?!”

Looking up at Rey Kylo was lost as to why she was yelling at him until it began to sink in what had happened. His cheeks flushed red as he turned away in rage and embarrassment. Swiftly getting out of the bed he began to paced back and forth and then turned to look out the large window focusing on the still falling snow.

Carefully Rey approached him and Kylo could hear her fight back a sniffle. “Are you truly that unstable? Wait, nevermind. Don’t answer that,” she muttered.

“I’m sorry,” he said with a low quiver, feeling so unsure what to do other than just keeping staring at the dark nothing.

Moving to stand next to him Rey also looked out the window and wiped at her eyes. “I’m sorry too.”

“You…” Kylo began with a lump heavy in this throat. “You have nothing to be sorry about.”

Turning to stare up at him Kylo refused to look back at her. “Of course I do,” Rey protested. “I shouldn’t have push the subject so far. You, you’re right, but not about everything. This is something too soon to talk about but… I never would have honestly if it wasn’t for her, and this, all of it, is just as hard for me to handle too you know.”

The two of them were quiet for a while, when Kylo felt his emotions wouldn’t rise up and try to drown him again is when he glanced finally at her. “What should we do?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” whispered Rey.

Hearing and feeling how uncertain she was had Kylo looking back at the snow, but Rey didn’t let him keep his attention on the falling flakes for long. Carefully her fingers touched his hand and he felt her shyly hold on to him. She gripped his hand firmly and when Kylo felt ready he gave Rey’s hand a squeeze.

“But you won’t leave me, will you?” she asked with a fear in her voice unlike any he had heard before.

Kylo’s hand clenched Rey’s painfully, and despite all the previous turmoil he suffered his answer came easily. “No, no I won’t.”

“Good,” replied Rey weakly as she sharply inhaled back another sniffle. “It’s… it’s hard finding good help, you know?”

Slowly he turned his head and found Rey peering up at him with red eyes. Something inside of Kylo cracked in two and he had to fight with everything he had from gathering her up into his arms right there on the spot. It was made even harder when Rey tried to smile weakly at her own lame joke.

“I think I’m starting to understand now,” she confessed.

“Understand what?” he asked back.

“What it feels like to be torn in two.”

If Kylo’s knuckles weren’t white already they were now. Rey didn’t seem mind the pain at all and didn’t say a word on the matter, but he could feel her through the bond bite painfully hard on the inside of her cheek. Together they stood together until their toes went numb from the cold floor and the long silence proved too much. Rey had hoped it was late enough for the alarm to go off but a glance at the small near by clock told her they still had time to spare. It was Kylo in the end who surprised her by tugging on her hand and finally loosened his grip. Leading Rey back and into bed, he gathered her close with his arms and held her tight. Her back was pressed to his chest and Rey felt Kylo’s nose and lips hover close to her skin.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered after what felt like the longest moment and placed the softest kiss to the shell of her ear.

Rey didn’t need to ask what exactly he was sorry about, she could feel it from the bond which pulsed in a unsteady and random matter. Laying a hand over his own, she grabbed at his skin as he kissed and breathed in the scent of her hair.

“Did he…” Rey began to ask in a gentle cautious voice. “Did Master Skywalker really?”

Kylo cuts off her question with a squeeze of his arm around her waist. “Don’t,” he pleaded rather than warned. “Let’s not talk about this. Not right now. I’m… I’m tired.”

“Alright,” she whispered then pulled the hand she was holding to her lips.

Kissing Kylo’s knuckles it was Rey’s turn to breath in the scent of his skin while he quietly hummed that he was fond of the touch. Repeating the motion again a few more times on each joint helped her finally start to break the still brewing tension between them. They never went further than light touches, needing to soothe the raging fires of their turmoil. Sleep didn’t return but the two stayed quietly together until the alarm buzzed from the ceiling, signaling the start of another day. Barely a few words were exchanged as they dressed but when Kylo took her by the shoulder, his eyes sad behind his glasses, did Rey let go most of her fear.

“We will work past this, won’t we?” he asked cautiously.

Reaching up like she had done a dozen times before, Rey adjusted his vest straps just to give her hands something to do. “Of course,” she tried to say with a air of ease. “I don’t give up on anything… anyone easily.”

Her fingers stilled and then slowly drifted down the bright colored material. Rey tugged on the end of the vest, pulling it down to rest on his shoulders better while she gathered her stormy thoughts.

“Please, don’t ever mistaken my hopes for doubt in the choices I’ve made,” she said clearly. “I’ve made my decision to be with you, with all of you.”

“Better or worse?” joked Kylo.

Rey’s head snapped up with a look that stunned Kylo into silence. He had seen her sheer determination before in many different lights but he failed now to grasp at the right words to describe the look she pinned him with now.

“Yes,” she said with a weight so heavy he failed to fully comprehend it all.

The second alarm rang out, just a quick warning sound to notify workers they should be exiting their rooms now but neither noticed.

“You… You really mean that, don’t you?” asked Kylo with a low tremble.

“I do,” said Rey lightly and without any hesitation. Slowly her eyes traced his form and her eyes turned a little sad. “You still can’t really accept that, can you?”

It felt like for a moment she had shot him with a blaster as a pain bloomed in his chest. Rey felt it too, placing a hand over the spot on his chest as if to soothe it. “It’s alright,” she whispered. “I understand time, I can wait. I always can wait for you to catch up.”

Without thinking Kylo reached up and snatched her hand but found himself unsure what he was going to do next. His fingers eventually curled around Rey’s wrist as he stared down wildly at her, his heart pounding furiously in his chest. He knew she was right but the reaction her words had frightened him, how his body reacted in a way he couldn’t predict. Rey didn’t look afraid and it was only by her fearless gaze that Kylo could calm down. It took everything he had to truly process and come to terms with her words and meaning. Nodding slowly he lowered Rey’s hand and held it gently as he formed a reply.

“I… I’ll try not to make you wait for long,” he said as honestly as he could.

“And I’ll try and be more patient with you,” admitted Rey. “It took a long time for you to get here, it’ll take more to get past it. Isn’t that right?”

Trying to regain his composure, Kylo tried to will himself and his emotions back into a more easily handled container. “Yes, that’s right.”

Finally looking away Rey stared down aimlessly at the floor. “If we can work past all these issues I feel like we’ll be able to do anything,” she chuckled, trying to break the remaining tension.

“I guess we’ll have to wait and see then, if that’s true,” Kylo replied with a hint of hope.

 

* * *

 

Despite the matters of the early morning, Rey found herself staring down a bustling hallway listening in to the thoughts of people passing by. Kylo watched her silently from just at her side, looking on curiously and peeking at some of the knowledge she sampled at. Leaning down he placed a hand on her shoulder and drew Rey to turn her head, her eyes although remained fixated forward.

“You’re getting better,” he whispered.

“I learn fast,” she quipped, but after a moment Rey did give him a quick glance. “I also borrowed a bit of skill from you just now.”

“Thief,” he scoffed.

Rolling her eyes she turned down another equally busy hall and side stept out of the way of a droid rushing by. “Should I say please next time?” Rey threw back to Kylo over her shoulder in her driest tone.

“ _They know_ ,” he said suddenly low and cryptically in her mind.

“ _Of course they do_ ,” thinks Rey through their private connection. “ _I was just seeing how much anyone knew. It would be idiotic to think anyone would be quiet about someone like that slimy weasel coming here._ ”

A low deep laugh rumbled from Kylo and Rey catches the image of him covering his mouth tightly with a hand to stop it out of the corner of her eye. Unable to stop the smile that lifts her cheeks, his happiness infects her easily bond or not. The moment doesn’t linger for long enough to savor, a passing unit of Stormtroopers quickly reminds them to fall back in line with wearing stoic bored expressions. It doesn’t completely vanish either, just like their conversation it becomes internal. Rey projects to him her pleasure and he returns back a rolling gentle shapeless warmth. It acts like a balm, soothing any remaining morning tension still lingering between them.

“ _I like when you laugh_ ,” Rey confesses.

“ _I like having a reason to_ ,” replies Kylo honestly.

Their morning meal is rushed and uneventful, too many faces Rey doesn’t know yet and too few who she’d be willing to engage in idle chit chat with. Not that she thought of herself of a talkative person.

“ _I’d beg to differ,_ ” Kylo thinks with a dry low laugh that makes her mind feel a touch lighter.

“ _It’s true_ ,” she responds while rushing to put whatever protein they had been served into her mouth. “ _Before I left Jakku I’d only say a few words a day, usually only to Unkar Plutt._ ”

“ _Is that why you ask so many questions?_ ”

Glaring at Kylo over her food, she was tempted to kick him under the table to wipe the smug look brightening his dark eyes. Hearing her plot against him, Kylo slowly withdrew his legs back closer to himself and had to endure the winning smirk she pinned him with. Not wanting to be outdone or beaten, Kylo reached out and put the image into Rey’s mind of himself also standing behind her. Looming and dark, he watched his own masked shadow of a figure lean down next to her and speak.

“ _Where is the map to Skywalker?_ ” growled Kylo Ren through his modulator.

Rey’s boot heel connected with Kylo’s shin, making the image vanish from her mind as he let out a low groan. He did have the decency at least to look a touch bashful but it vanished as he fought to hide the shock gripping him in a flash.

Around the mess hall stood a dozen different Rey’s in all different styles of dress that only he could perceive. The scavenger her from Jakku hung from a rope from the ceiling, staring at him through dusty goggles. Osira Rey was bent over working on an open panel by one wall, her behind pointed up and at him. Rey in just a towel stood just near by, wet and rubbing her hair dry with another. It was hard to keep track of them all, some he’d never seen before and had to wonder if they were different ways Rey had imagined herself. The one that stood out the most was a Rey in the dark blue and gold gown he had imagined her in on Coruscant. She was in the middle of the room, graceful and elegant looking as she strolled past by the real people moving through the real room. With just a passing look she stopped his heart before carrying on like she hadn’t noticed him at all.

“ _You surprise me_ ,” chuckled another Rey who draped her arms over his shoulders from behind.

Kylo looked up at her as the real Rey leaned her elbow on the table, resting her chin on her hand to watch. “ _How so?_ ” he asked.

Leaning to the right the Rey in a darker grey version of her desert clothes smiled at Kylo. “ _That she’s the one who caught your eye out of all of us_ ,” spoke Rey the projected in a conspiring tone. “ _I mean you’re not even looking at her after she dropped that towel._ ”

“ _What?!_ ” thought Kylo and immediately looked towards the now naked Rey laying on a nearby table waving casually at him.

His face turned red and just as suddenly as they appeared did all the Rey’s vanish. Covering her mouth the real Rey looked away and held her laugh back to something barely audible. Kylo glared at her, his cheeks turning an even deeper crimson.

“That wasn’t funny,” he hissed under his breath.

“Yes it was,” chuckled Rey as she looked at him with a look similar to the one elegant Rey had given him.

Standing up with pride, Rey walked away with her food tray. Kylo followed close behind, torn between being angry and falling for her charm he seemed to weak against. They didn’t share any more words but an exchange of silent feelings past back and forth as they walked to find Kal Varn. The matter was put fully to rest when Rey reached back and gave his hand a quick squeeze. They entered the large room together full of different teams getting their assignments. When they approached Kal his eyes noticed them quickly and he waved them closer.

“I was waiting for you two to show up,” spoke Kal while putting a hand up to silence towards another man about to ask a question of him.

Wasting no time he pulled out a datacard and held it out for Rey. “I’m sure you’ve already heard the gossip about Hux, whole base is buzzing with it. I want this job done right you two. This place is still a mess and it’s our jobs to clean it up before the General gets here. Understand?”

“I always do my job right,” she quipped back as her fingers wrapped around the small card.

“Great, but you better prove to me that’s true otherwise I’ll transfer both your asses to garbage duty faster than you can blink,” warned Kal.

Tensing up at the albeit small threat, Rey reached out to Kylo’s mind to soothe him. “ _He’s just scared, they all are._ ”

“ _I know that_ ,” he scoffed.

“ _Then calm down_.”

“ _I am calm_ ,” Kylo thought while practically pouting.

“If I don’t get a report in at the end of your shift,” spoke up Kal. “I’ll take that as you both volunteering for the trash.”

Holding up the card Rey flashed Kal a bright smile. “Wouldn’t want that now. It’s good as done sir.”

Grabbing Kylo by the arm, Rey pulled him away until he started to follow along on his own. “Happy thoughts now,” she muttered to him. “Happy thoughts.”

As they left the room and headed to collect their tools and parts, Kylo carefully slipped an image to her. It was dark but there was just enough dim starlight to see it was two figures rolling together in a bed. Underneath the sheets a large body moved and Rey caught sight of herself naked. Her back arched upwards as she pushed the sheets down to show Kylo between her legs. A low moan echoed in her ears as she turned to glare at him.

“Not that happy,” hissed Rey.

The vision dissipated and Kylo gave Rey thin smile. “For earlier.”

 

* * *

 

“General,” spoke up an officer as she walked at a steady pace towards Hux.

Turning around from looking at a report, General Hux watched silently as a datapad was held out to him. He took it from the woman as she took a step closer than was necessary to speak to him.

Her voice was hushed as her gaze drifted to the datapad. “The information you requested sir.”

Unsure what she was speaking of exactly, Hux knew she was a keen and loyal information officer he had trusted with several sensitive matters. “Thank you Damar, that will be all,” instructed Hux.

With a nod of her head, officer Renee Damar turned about face and marched back to her station. Hux in turn looked down at the datapad, glancing at its contents before calling out to the officer on deck. “I’ll be in my quarters, notify me of any changes.”

“Of course sir,” he replied back the officer as he watched the General leave.

Hux didn’t bother to look at the datapad he was given until safely behind a pair of secure doors. At his desk he read over the short report and felt a knot twist in his gut. Standing up he started to pace back and forth while turning over what it meant and what he should do. He stopped finally in front of the large durasteel window and stared out at the passing glow of Hyperspace.

“Snoke doesn’t know where Ren is,” muttered Hux to himself. “But why cover for him, why hide the fact he doesn’t know where he’s gone to? Why send a person like Turis to find him?”

Turning away from the window Hux gazed over at the pad still lit up on his desk. “Ren, don’t tell me you’ve become a deserter.”

 

* * *

 

“What’s wrong?” Kylo asked Rey as she stared for a while motionless at an open panel.

Snapping out of her thoughts she turned her head to look up at him, pointing to just ahead of her. “This junction,” said Rey as if it explained everything she was thinking.

Leaning down to get a closer look, Kylo failed to recognize what ever gaze her reason to pause. “What?” he said with a shake of his head.

Pointing more directly at a box with wires running to it from every direction, Rey’s eyes lit up. “I’ve been looking for something like this since I’ve been here,” she said excited. “Do you realize how many control circuits this one little box connects with? It’s a weakness!”

“Which you are planning to exploit?”

“Of course!” chirped Rey as she turned back to further exam it. Her fingers traced the lines, taking quick mental notes of what and where it branched off to. She became lost in her work that she missed for a while how still Kylo became.

Turning slowly to look at him, he stood near her looking indifferent. “What is it?” she asked him.

“You’re still going to go through it, aren’t you?” he asked.

Standing up Rey pinned Kylo with a curious look and found his thoughts illusive. “Of course I am, it’s why I’m here. You… you haven’t changed your mind have you?”

Shaking his head, Kylo looked down the empty tunnel of pipes. “It’s not that,” he sighed.

Reaching out Rey placed a gentle hand to his arm but he didn’t move to look at her. “What is it then?” she asked quietly.

“By me helping you, that really does make me a traitor.”

Not understanding but wanting to, Rey reached up and touched his chin. Slowly she turned his face to look at her to which her eyes pleaded with him silently, as to what not even Rey wasn’t exactly sure.

Covering her hand with his own, Kylo squeezed it and carefully pulled it away. “Despite what you think disloyalty isn’t easy for me.”

“But,” Rey tried to protest but Kylo silenced her with a shake of his head.

“When I left Skywalker, left my family, but they were the ones who betrayed me,” he started to explain. “I did everything they asked of me and it wasn’t enough. Snoke wanted me, had a place for me and what I could do. I didn’t care what he asked, I just did it. Threw everything I was to his cause. My whole life’s worth was for Snoke, and now I’m about to help you to start breaking that down. It’s…”

Watching Kylo as his words trailed off into silence, Rey could feel the conflict now in his mind along aside a fierce streak of want towards her. The need to feel wanted was so strong in Kylo that it almost took Rey’s breath away. It did frighten her for a moment, that she could be just a replacement for Snoke in some sick way. Those thoughts were quickly dismissed when she thought of how many points they didn’t see eye to eye, but Rey did still feel some shame for pushing him so hard just that morning.

“Rey,” uttered Kylo. “You’re not,” he started to say as he must of heard her fears.

“If you do ever change your mind,” spoke up Rey as she trembled a bit. “You know you can, right?”

Wasting no time Kylo gathered and pulled her into his arms. He leaned over Rey he engulfing her form with his larger figure. “Thank you,” he whispered. “For saying so.”

Rey nodded her head as her mind and heart swelled with too many thoughts and feelings. For once he sent her calming feelings, even going as so far as to let out a soft hush for her to settle down. It was hard for Rey to understand at times as well, how her own feelings could feel as strong as Kylo’s. How they didn’t just rise up and drown them both.

“Maybe they have,” he breathed across the top of her head.

Lifting her head up to gaze at him, Rey found Kylo’s lips descending onto hers moments later. He kissed her gently, reminding her that he wasn’t only made up of hard edges, that there was still a gentle being within him. She wanted to protect that person, keep his love and his trust safe within her own heart. All Rey could wish and dream for in their long shared moment was so see Kylo one day open and free. To have a chance to gaze upon a Kylo well past all of his past history and remade into someone new. If he had heard her thoughts and wishes he didn’t comment on them.

Breaking the kiss and pulling away, Kylo held Rey by the shoulder and ran a hand down her face. His thumb stroked her cheek and she watched as he gazed at her with a loving look. What fear remained shriveled, only strengthening Rey’s resolve that she was on the right path. Touching his hand with her own, she tugged and brought his knuckles to her lips, kissing them softly before drawing his hand away.

“Let me show you what I’m thinking about doing,” she smiled.

 

* * *

 

Finn stood outside of General Organa’s door and took a deep breath in to calm his nerves which was quickly shattered when the General’s voice came through the door.

“Come in already,” was called out with a low chuckle.

The door flew open and Finn stumbled in, his own feet causing him to nearly to trip. “You uh, wanted to see me mam, I mean General.”

“Sit down Finn,” said Leia with a twinkle in her eye.

Doing what was asked of him, Finn did his best to sit up right and alert. Looking him over first with a sharp gaze, Leia then turned her attention to a datapad in front of her. “Finn I called you here because I have an important mission I need your help on,” she began to explain.

“Of course,” spoke up Finn. “Anything mam.”

Leia looked pleased by his attitude and energy as she slid the datapad across to him. “I want to put what you know about the First Order to better use. I want you to find others like yourself, people who are looking to join our cause and fight. You’ve been a big help with informing us how many of their systems run, and even helping us find the newest Starkiller still being built, but we need more numbers. I need more people like you, who know what we are up against here.”

“I,” Finn began to say but quickly moved to the edge of his seat to lean forward. “I barely got out myself, if it wasn’t for Poe I don’t know if I ever would have had a chance to get away.”

“I understand that,” agreed Leia. “That’s why I want you to work on setting up situations to give others a chance to do the same. Hope is in short supply and we need to find it where ever we can.”

Taking a few moments to think upon what was asked of him and the General words, Finn hardened himself and nodded quickly, his mind now made up. “What do you need me to do?”

“I’m so glad you asked,” chuckled Leia.

 

* * *

  
Rey rolled out of the way of Kylo’s downward strike and lifted up her practice fill in saber to deflect the next blow. They both were coated with sweat but had yet to become winded from the exercise.

“Good,” Kylo commented and took a few steps back. “Again.”

They rushed at one another, Rey trying her best to execute and switch up the forms Kylo showed her already while he did his best to keep her on her toes. Unlike the previous training she had done with Luke, this felt much more satisfying. To put to use what she was learning directly instead of meditating or shadowing fighting like she had done. It felt like Kylo was giving back more input as well, in how he changed up his attacks and stances to block her. It flowed so naturally it began to feel like breathing.

“Why one at a time?” asked Kylo as he spun his own practice saber. “Why not blow this place up in one shot?”

Rey took a moment to wipe the sweat from her brow before flicking towards the ground. “I want to give people a chance to leave,” she explained.

Pushing off with his back foot, Kylo charged and met Rey head on. She blocked him and they leaned into one another, both grunting from the effort. “You can’t save everyone Rey,” panted Kylo.

“I also can’t ignore the people here who aren’t really apart of this fight,” snapped back Rey.

They broke apart and exchanged a few more blows before stepping back to circle around one another. “But what if you have to make the choice?” breathed out Kylo. “Will you pick destroying this base or saving a group who knew what they were signing up for? You know if Hux was truly smart he would kill most of them to keep the weakness you are looking for from getting out.”

Swinging her practice saber around in fast loops, Rey carefully watched how Kylo stepped. “Then let’s hope he’s not that smart,” she remarked before they came together once again.

Back and forth they pushed one another until Kylo held up his hand, “Enough. You’re doing good,” he complimented her.

Rey smiled happily but tired at his words as she placed the metal pole on a crate. Next to it was her own datapad which blinked with a message. She lifted herself up to sit and catch her breath, Kylo slowly walked over and joined her. Tapping on the screen a few notifications lit up at her. Leaning over the edge of the box Kylo took a glance as she began to read.

“What’s that?” he asked casually and set his own pole next to hers.

“It’s from Leia,” answered Rey.

Kylo went rigid and still but she was expecting him to react as so at the mention of his mother. She shot him a sympathetic look before turning back to the datapad. “It’s just about Hux, I guess there is someone from our side on his ship,” continued Rey.

“The Finalizer,” spoke Kylo. “I’m not surprised but at the same time, I am just a little. Hux tries to be so careful. What else did you get, I thought I saw more there.”

Pulling the datapad a little closer to her chest, Rey gave him a weak smile. “Just personal messages, the Hux one is the only official message.”

Looking her in the eye, Kylo gave her a questioning stare. “Oh?” he said trying to lean in a little closer.

“It’s nothing for you to see,” said Rey while waving a hand at him. “I’m allowed some privacy.”

A deep chuckle rumbled from him as he swept a hand through his wet hair. “Have yourself another boyfriend is it?”

Scoffing loudly she lightly kicked his side causing Kylo to laugh even more. “I do _not_!” exclaimed Rey in her most offended voice.

Before she could protest any further Kylo turned to stare at her with a dark wanting stare that had her heart skipping a beat. Part of her yelled out to kick him, to make him stop, but she also felt drunk under it. To have him project at first with just his gaze, he then with his mind left her feel how much he craved her. Fear of what might happen once they were back in their room was real and alive in Rey’s chest as she tried to look away.

Her eyes somehow found their way back to the datapad but Kylo kept some of her attention by slowly moving a hand up her leg. “Please,” she begged. “I… I need to read this.”

“Do you?” he muttered so close to her knee she could feel his breath on her skin.

“Y-Yes,” whispered Rey as she felt a pair of warm full lips kiss her thigh.

As quickly as his warmth spread over her, it was gone moments later as Kylo started to walk away to fetch the water they brought along. Feeling like she could breathe again, Rey took in a few slow breaths of air before refocusing on the datapad. The messages were short and sweet, one for Poe, Finn, and even BB-8. It was hard not to miss them terribly but Rey smiled none the less as they told her about what had been happening and how they missed her too. She was so wrapped up in their words that she missed Kylo walking back to her.

“You look happy,” he commented, causing her to look up at him.

His gaze was strange, Rey felt a mix of joy and something bittersweet radiating from him. “I am happy,” she stated as she held out her hand for him to take.

He took it gently and she squeezed his fingers before tugging on them for him to come closer. “I miss them,” sighed Rey. “They were my first friends I’ve ever had. The first people who could be my family.”

Kylo made a low hum but he didn’t give much away as to what he was thinking. “They are really important to you, aren’t they?”

“Yes,” said Rey as she studied him. “And so are you.”

A flush came to Kylo’s cheeks and she couldn’t help but thinking how much the look suited him. “Come on,” he spoke up suddenly as he pulled on her hand. “We need to get back.”

“Wait,” she protested. “I need to send something back.”

Slowly Kylo let go of her hand and Rey could feel him fighting to keep his own swarm of thoughts together. Withdrawing away, Kylo keeps his gaze down cast as began to walk away towards their clothes on another crate.

“Kylo,” calls out Rey and Kylo stops in his tracks.

Looking back he awaits for her to continue and Rey smiles in return, sending quiet assurances through their bond. “I won’t be long, wait for me?” she asks.

He nods silently and returns to walking away. Wasting no time Rey writes her own messages back, the first to Leia confirming what she knows while excluding exactly who from she found out from. Poe, Finn and BB-8 each get a quick reply on how much she enjoyed hearing form them, that she’s safe and wishes the same of all them too. When the last message has been successfully sent off is when she leaps off the crate and hurries to Kylo who is holding out her uniform. Watching her dress without a word, Rey can feel how pleased he is when she takes his hand and leads the way to the door out of the hanger.

They remain close the entire walk back to their room but when the door shuts behind them is when Rey leads him further in to the refresher. Kylo remains silent as her hands move over him, undressing him without saying a word. Her own alias is left on the floor as she backs him up under the warm running water she turned on with a flick of the Force. With a gentle touch she has him with his back against the wall, his eyes locked firmly on to hers. Reaching up Rey lightly touches Kylo’s lips with her thumb that he presses a light kiss to.

“Have something in mind?” rumbles from him in a low tone.

Rey shakes her head, wet strands falling down around her cheeks. “I just want to be with you,” she whispers.

“You are with me,” he utters back, confused by her meaning.

Fingertips slide down to Kylo’s chest but instead of touching him in any way to tantalize, Rey instead wraps her arms around his center. Turning her head she leans in and listens to the sound of his heart beating steadily.

“Rey,” Kylo speaks up. “What is it?”

“It’s nothing,” she breathes out against his skin. “Just… please hold me.”

Slowly he does as she asks but Rey can feel him trying to nudge her mind for answers. What she does give him is her own need and want for him, let’s him see and feel she can be just as wanting as he can of her. They stay embraced for long minutes but any longer Rey can’t allow herself to with stand. The waste of water nags too much of her and even despite how Kylo now clings to her, Rey just pushes them apart.

“Let’s get clean, then we can move to the bed” she says quietly while reaching for the soap.

Taking it from her hand, Kylo places his other on her hip and steadys her. “Let me.”

Handing it over without a fuss, Rey lets herself melt into the feeling of Kylo washing her. It feels rich and elegant in a way she’s never experienced before, just being touched carefully all over. Kylo even goes as far as washing her hair, his fingernails blunt but long enough to scratch at her scalp gently. By the end she’s practically glowing and stares up at Kylo with a drunken smile. He looks equally pleased but moves her to the side so he can quickly clean himself.

Boneless in a way she’s never felt, Kylo dries Rey off and leads her to bed after they’ve dressed into their night clothes. When he gets in on the other side Rey is quick to grab at him, wrapping her body around Kylo as he welcomes with open arms. Kissing her damp hair, Kylo breathes her in and Rey can feel how calm he feels too. The morning feels so far away and she does everything she can to hope that the rest of the night will stay just as peaceful. Dreaming now worries her, the new torments that could be presented now to the both of them.

“Do you think you’ll remember tonight as well if we dream?” asks Rey quietly.

“I don’t know,” mutters Kylo and holds her a little tighter. “Whatever happens, let’s not fight about it.”

“I’m sorry.”

Running a hand through Rey’s hair, Kylo sweeps it back and kisses her temple. “Don’t be. You have nothing to be sorry about wanting such a thing.”

A lazy yawn escapes from her and she wiggles her way down to snuggle in closer. Rey can smell and feel him all around her, the sensation of being safe firmly breathing warmth into her chest.

“I hope it’s a nice one, for both of us,” she mumbles as her eyes drift shut.

“Me too,” Kylo quietly says near her ear. “What do you want to dream of?”

Letting out a low soft hum, Rey’s sleepy mind ponders his question. “I don’t know, but something normal would be nice.”

“Normal?” he questions back to her.

Another yawn shook her shoulders and Rey slowly grazed her fingertips over Kylo’s bare chest. “A normal day, what people do when they aren’t fighting or surviving. Borning of me, right?”

Kylo chuckles and gives her yet another gentle kiss. “No, not at all.”

“What about you?” asks Rey. “What would you want to dream of?”

“I…” he begins to say but she’s caught him off guard so he instead take a few minutes to find his answer for her. “I don’t know. Somewhere warm I think.”

“Warm?” she repeats with a chuckle. “Warm is good, but not hot. No more hot.”

“No,” whispers Kylo. “No more. Not for you.”


End file.
